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  2. @Carmie "The designation mgai (milligrams active ingredient) is the weight of the actual medication in a dose. It is commonly referred to as the "strength" of the dose. So if you are taking a 10mg pill you would be getting 10mgai of the medication. If you have the pharmacist make up 9.75mg capsules then you would be getting 9.75mgai of medication. If you are cutting your pills and weighing them yourself it's a bit different because you have to weigh out the mgpw (milligrams pill weight) that corresponds to the proper mgai. But if you are using a dose of 9.75 you are still getting 9.75mgai, but the mgpw would be a lot higher because of the fillers used to make the pill big enough to handle. The same thing applies to using a liquid, eight commercial or homemade. Clear as mud, yes?" I had found this but still wasnt clear....going to lie down and get information for brass monkey when feel better today...so sick today.
  3. Hi Rosetta Quick reply - going to work. You've had a tough time of late. I like your post about gratefulness - I do write down good things that happen but I think doing a gratefulness list would be beneficial for me, too. Keep on at it over there, Rosetta, you''re a real trooper. Neroli 💜
  4. @Carmie I have started to do that Carmie...but missed few things before started it.😞 I feel bad because I know the moderators are so busy. I started a brass monkey taper folder on my computer. I remember some things he said but cant find them now...but will keep adding to my folder. Had horrible time last night...blood sugar spiked and then I crashed after that...so nervous and sick and tired and weak. I dont even know why I checked it ..guess cause its been little high along way but nothing like this. Still feeling awful today...so going to say bye. Take care.💜
  5. I know it doesn't take away how you are feeling but I have been thinking about you and am sending you lots of hugs - WR. 💖
  6. Jansin

    Jansin: desperate

    Haven't noticed much difference other than having some trouble staying asleep. Had a really bad anxiety breakdown the other day (November 9th) but I can't be sure if that was the meds. Tomorrow marks when I should updose to 2mg/mL. Still struggling with this decision.. I don't know what path is right for me, but I'll keep getting through each day
  7. Monday, 11/5/18 5.6 mg Slept due to Gaba I think Morning Cortisol Spike: Major head pressure, foggy, tired, sweating, nausea, calmer 8:30AM 1.4 Lamictal 45 mins later start to feel anxious and speedy 10AM Feel like crying, start to drop in mood 10:15AM 75mg Thyroid 11:00M Cry, low grade headache and anxiety 12:30PM 1.4mg Lamictal ½ later speedy feeling, continued head pressure 1PM Feel like crying 2:15 Cry in therapy 4:00PM Go to office, feel angry about this whole thing, headache, head pressure, some low grade depression. 6:00PM 1.4 Lamictal Got stuck out the house longer than I expected. 6:30PM Little speedy but less, hot flashes and sadness, angry, low mood 7PM Take 1 baby aspirin 8:45PM Low grade anxiety but okay 9:15PM 1.4 Lamictal Took later because of late dose earlier. 20 mins later hyper. 45 mins later cry, hot flashes . 11/6/18 5.4mgs No sleep, hyper during the night Morning Cortisol Spike: Lots of anxiety, headache, a little less nausea, mentally okay 8:00AM 7.5 mg Thyroid 8:30AM 1.2 Lamictal 1/2 hour later very hyper 10:00AM Emotional-crying, tired, nausea, very down and pessimistic, very sick 12:30PM 1.4 Lamictal Very sick all day, headache, crying, no appetite, pacing, fear taking any supplements 4:30PM 1.4 Lamictal 7:00-8:30PM Lots of crying and feel hysterical at times 8:30PM 1.4 Lamictal Hour later very speedy, and anxious 10PM 2 100mg L-Theanine 11PM 1/4 of Gaba 2 AM 1 100mg L-Theanine 11/7/18 0 meds Morning Cortisol spike: headache, nausea, panic, anxiety, hot flashes After not sleeping all night, feel I can take any more medication 8:00AM 7.5 thryroid Major Akathesia all day. 2PM Cry with a friend 3PM Talk and cry a little with another friend. 4PM start do feel better. Calmer, low grade headache, some physical tension but better than earlier in the day. 6PM Able to eat more 11PM Still okay when I go to bed. 11/8/18 0 Meds Broken Sleep Morning Cortisol Spike : First time in over 2 years I have no nausea in the morning. Hot flashes, some anxiety and adrenaline surges 8:00AM 7.5 Thyroid Window during the day. Go to grocery story Work with one client on the phone Feel worry and anxiety growing as the night starts to come. Fear feeling bad in the morning. 11PM 200mg Magniesum 11/9/18 0 Meds Morning Cortisol Spike: Very sick. Anxious, headache, headpressure, adrenaline rushes. 8:00AM 7.5 mgs Thryroid Akathesia all day: Headpressure, anxiety, panic, blurry eyes, mentally very alert but under water in my mind. Fear I made a mistake by jumping off. Still tense in the evening. 11PM 200mgs Magnesium 11/10/18 O meds Some sleep? 8:00Am 7.5 mgs Thyroid Morning Cortisol spike: anxiety, sweating, hot flash, head pressure Very tired all day but no aksathesia. Go back to bed, sleep a bit more Spacey 1PM Go to Drug store 2PM Go buy a smoothie Low grade anxiety Evening: Vulnerable, hot flashes, sadness 11/11/18 0 meds No real sleep 8:00AM 7.5 Thyroid Morning Cortisol Spike: Very sick and scared. Adrenaline, hot flashes, head pressure, no appetite, trembling, emotional. Regret my decision even though the medication was making me very sick. Very anxious all day, can't sleep, headpressure, no appetite, forcing myself to eat, very pessimistic about getting through this. Continues for most of the evening. Lie on the couch, watch TV. 9PM Go to bed. Can't rest all night. Feel my thoughts racing, and feel deep fear an panic. 11PM 50mg Gaba and 100mg Magnesium 1AM 25 mg Gaba 3AM Rest of Gaba totally 200mgs for the night. 11/12/18 0 Meds Morning Cortisol Spike: Very sick, anxious, trembling, nausea, dizzy, fear, major adrenaline rushes throughout the morning. Feel I may need to reinstate but will look for advice.
  8. Today
  9. A bit of update,my W/D seems to get a bit easier from this point,i don't know how to explain that,but im a bit better now,still not 100% recovered,but about 15-20 % Brain zaps has been decreased in their activity,they are now less intense,and less frequent,maybe a good sign ?
  10. I will post what I can. No, not really out and about except two days last week. Mostly on the couch or in bed. H
  11. manymoretodays

    DaveB: Trying to stop a roller coaster year

    Hey Dave, I've been on some bioidenticals(hormonal preparation) all along.......before withdrawal, during, and after. When I got here. I cut them in half. They are compounded into sublingual(absorb under the tongue) trochars(just a blob type pill/tablet). .....and I had been on them for years and years already. Oh.....I should mention. Estradiol and another precursor.....Pregnenolone. I think our general consensus is don't use any steroids or hormones in W/D. I'm certainly not recommending them. So......wondering........could you go lower with your weekly injection? As far as the dose goes? And then off? I don't think I would recommend introducing any hormonal treatment during W/D. I mean it's all in such constant flux anyway. If I were you.....I'd pose the same question in the link I gave you too. I think it could be adding to your problems, sure. Try and keep us updated DaveB. And pop on in with questions and thoughts every now and then. Okay? Love, peace, healing, and growth, mmt
  12. Sebas

    Chilout: Slide off Seroxat?

    @Chilout you might also wanna read this sub that was recommended to me today. It concerns some theory about the last phase below 1 mg.
  13. Sebas

    Micro-taper instead of 10% or 5% decreases

    @Altostrata sorry i meant the drug time (I thought period was the right word)
  14. Sebas

    Chilout: Slide off Seroxat?

    @Chilout yes i would say in those days it certainly provided a solution for my problems, if I had known however what was ahead of me, then i would have definitely contemplated an alternative. GP was actually very honest in those days saying he wasn't aware of the possible long term effects. And insisting after a few years to try to phase. But the theory wasn't clear at the time otherwise i guess tapering would have started (and probably ended) much earlier. Until today GP and also psychiatrists (i've never spoken one but i think so) are absolutely unaware of the whole tapering and withdrawal theory. So i'm happy to have found this website and it's also pleasant to exchange experiences. What actually helped me more allthough was a bit of personal coaching, not very dramatic but just someone who can relate to your issues. And shows you your pitfalls. Experiencing windows is a good thing! Feeling sick for moments or days does also occur in regular life just kidding. I can imagine it's a bit exciting to be (almost) fully sober. (Micro)tapering should have managed that process for the most. And i must say sometimes particular supplements can help a lot. Today I took 1 magnesium and felt better after. And what helps me is just some micro fitness exercises. Not very intensive, for half an hour, i always feel stronger (in body and mind) afterwords. Ciao
  15. Some gratefulness -- Dystonia and muscle aches have been slight and sometimes nonexistent. Taking magnesium twice a day. Having no diarrhea or constipation. Sleep happens in between the spikes. Few long periods of worry in the night. Walking is going well. My knees are a little shakey and uncomfortable when climbing up and down the cliff, but otherwise, I'm fine physically. Cog fog isn't too bad. It's improved these past few months. Blackouts after standing up are NOT happening. My husband thinks my windows are better -- that I'm more "normal" during them. I've been able to be present for my daughter more these past few days. I've been teaching her math in Spanish.
  16. manymoretodays

    cpuusage: history & experiences

    It's weird cpu. I can hear the madnessradio narrator as I'm reading the quote. I will most certainly have a listen. Many thanks. I think I cured an infant of it's constipation last night. Oh.....maybe.......it sure was fun holding the little fellow though.
  17. Sorry to hear you woke up so much last night. It sounds like a good sign that the cortisol spikes weren't as intense as they have been and you didn't stay awake for long. It all sounds very uncomfortable though and you are so strong for getting through all of this, Rosetta. I hope you are able to get out today as I know you usually feel better when you are out. I am thinking about you and sending lots of hugs - WR.
  18. Hi Neroli - I wanted to pop by and tell you that I've been thinking about you. It is wonderful to hear you are stabilizing from the updose! 💗
  19. manymoretodays

    Twelve-Step Recovery & Surviving Antidepressants

    Hi India, Oh yes. I hear what you are saying. It's a fine balance between doing the self examination the AA way and still being kind to oneself. And especially during withdrawal. I mean I'm talking years for me......now........to be able to do the self examination, with the rigorous honesty required.........and then not go to pieces over it completely. Which I did.....on a few run through s with my 4th step work.....if not to pieces........well, the timing just wasn't right. I don't know. As far as alcohol withdrawal and heroin withdrawal being easier. "They" also say cigarettes are one of the worst to come off. For, now, I've met plenty of other alcoholics AND heroin users, or ex users.......as well as all other matter of substance users and abusers. And they go through it.......oh, they do........protracted withdrawals. I'm thinking with our psychotropic drug withdrawals, perhaps there is more long lasting physical.......as well as a gap in the return of cognition. And then......for me........there's always the now, could be, increased sensitivities to all manner of food, medications, supplements, odors, environments, etc. to be watching out for. Knock on wood.......so far, so good for me with things. Huge gaps in cognitive delays returning to normal, in some of those users of some of those "street drugs" too. One has to be......oh, so patient sometimes. I've seen lot's of miracles though........even in just 3 or so years of AA. Oh......and elsewhere too. Here. Fluorescent lights for long periods......not good for me and my nervous system. I can work around that though. And then, for some.......doing it right.......the whole psychotropic withdrawal.......harm free approach, like we advocate here..........well, they need not struggle or suffer so much at all I think. Especially if they haven't been prescribed for.....for years, and belittled, due to a non-illness that they are being told they have. Labeled and told......."hey, you are NOT normal". Eh, normal= a setting on the washing machine......that's my favorite definition of that. In AA, I've found.......we hug each other and we embrace our not normal ness. It's a good tribe. I LOVE the steps. It all came at a really good time for me. Hi, I'm mmt, I'm an alcoholic! LOL, makes me smile. I wear a lot of hats these days. Love, peace, healing, and growth, mmt Same, just banding around ideas. I'm not the authority. Do you have meet-up type groups in the UK? Where you could even form your own community of interest and then support? We do. Offline stuff usually. You can find a group to go to a concert with or have jam sessions with or a book club.......whatever. FGW did a withdrawal group that way in her area.
  20. Thanks, @Rabe @Sheera @neroli @wantrelief @Carmie @DMV64 @Kristine for your encouragement. Its a Monday off from school. We spent the weekend at my mother in law's while she was out of town. That was good for keeping me from having to face my messy house. We came home last night. Now I'm back in it and I feel awful. I keep telling myself it can't hurt me, that I'll get it all clear out eventually, and until then I need to accept. My daughter has 4 days of school next week and then it's Thanksgiving Break. Realizing this just now has sent me into a panic. I'm trying to talk myself down. It's 8:50, and I've had no breakfast. So, I took a dose of magnesium, and I'm having a bowl of cereal. I hope I'll feel better soon. Last night, I had 5 cortisol spikes. I think that is more than I've ever counted before. Once my daughter woke me up. So, that was 6 wake ups and maybe more. My daughter woke up at 6:00. After that I was able to doze off and on until about 6:45. A pretty bad night, but the spikes weren't as intense as they have been before, and I didn't stay awake for long periods of time. After each spike I had a hot flash and the became extremely cold. I kept throwing the covers off and the bundling up again. Then, it happened again over and over. I've had no period yet. This is day 37. I'm hoping the day gets better. I feel trapped this morning. I'm trying to imagine feeling free.
  21. wantrelief

    wantrelief

    Thank you for your sweet message, @Rosetta - I really appreciate your thinking of me. I have been thinking about you too. I often feel like you do - I don't have much to say and am just trying to get through the day so understand what you mean. I hope your day goes ok, my friend. Lots of hugs - WR.
  22. Rosetta

    wantrelief

    Thinking of you, Wantrelief. Sorry I have nothing much to say. Just trying to get through today. There's no school. So, I can't isolate. I hope your day goes well.
  23. Theaddictionfairy22

    Theaddictionfairy22: Reinstated a benzo after 19 months

    My dosing is 650 9mg geodon 10 .5 klonopin 9mg geodon 330 .5 klonopin 9 .5 klonopin iron and 40 mg geodon i fell asleep at 11 and woke at 915 im getting out here and there but the last 17 days it’s been mostly couch bound and before that I was getting out a lot more.
  24. cpuusage

    cpuusage: history & experiences

    There was this on madness radio recently - Jungian Therapy for Psychosis | George Mecouch | Madness Radiowww.madnessradio.net/jungian-therapy-for-psychosis-george-mecouch-madness-radio/"Has modern psychiatry lost its soul? How can dreams, storytelling, and imagination help people in emotional crisis – including psychosis and madness? What lessons can we learn from shamanism, the placebo effect, and the importance of the doctor’s “bedside manner’? George Mecouch MD, psychiatrist, Jungian therapist, and author of While Psychiatry Slept: Reawakening the Imagination in Therapy, discusses how to recover the lost art of healing in an era dominated by technology."
  25. Hugs, Dave. I wish I could answer your question, but I don't know. Keeping you in my thoughts for what it is worth.
  26. cpuusage

    cpuusage: history & experiences

    Thank you. Glad that you got something from it. Hope all as well as can be, X
  27. Hugs, Rabe. Always thinking of you. I hope you have a good day today.
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