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  2. Hehe that does help in some dark way. I have been stocking up on extra prescriptions and have a pill crusher and scale tucked away in an emergency kit of sorts. (Currently I am using a compounding pharmacy for my taper.) Past few days have been a whirlwind with moving and getting ready to start my grad program. I'm definitely out of my wave and my mindset is much more clear and balanced. Going to be focusing on the real world for the next few months and may not visit SA as much. Still holding at 8.5 for another 2 weeks or so to adjust to this life transition, then will do 8.25 for 2 weeks and an 8 mg hold for 3 weeks. That's the plan, at least. Will continue onwards in that fashion until 5 mg when I will switch to liquid. Love and prayers to everyone out there dealing with this issue. May you find support, understanding, healing, and peace amidst the darkness and pain.
  3. Amazing news @Idlehnds. You were such an encouraging help for me a year ago during one of my first waves. You can definitely help many people both online and offline, I'm sure of it. I agree with you and @Cocopuffz17, the brain's innate capacity to heal is remarkable and something I am so thankful for!
  4. Such a mess of a situation @ShiningLight, I'm sorry. I'm in my 20s and I also have hot flashes when I go through waves. Such a weird experience. Hope you are finding some relief these days.
  5. Great you had a good day yesterday djv. Knock them out today. 👍 SASS
  6. Today
  7. Thanks @Frogie, for popping in. I really need all the support I can get right now. Today was the reunion. I didn't sleep well last night, due mostly to anticipation and worry that I would wake up feeling too badly to go. But although I was sleep-deprived, that did not happen. The reunion was good. There was a point during which I slipped into about a 15 minute wave of DP and inner tremor, but I was able to "float" and it soon passed. The big win today was that the vision in my left eye was noticeably improved. Still not great, but a good deal better. My eyes are still dry and quite photosensitive, but I'm hoping for continued improvement. Tomorrow is my gig. If I can pull this off, it will cap the most active weekend I've had in a year, and I can reward myself with some much needed R&R on Monday. I hope you are still feeling well. You have come such a long way and are a real inspiration! Keep it up!
  8. Hey Eymen, thanks for quick and lengthy response. Yeah, unfortunately I quit various drugs CT which might of have delayed reaction. I actually had various symptoms all the time but it was liveable. From September it picked up pace though. I use 10mg mixed with 10ml. I hope that's still fit slightly soluble definition. Again, thank you for reassurance and support. I just couldn't take how bad it is lately. Yet I know it can be even worse.
  9. Cloudskishawna

    Texas members, please check in here

    I'm in Austin texas
  10. Remeron88

    Remeron88: greetings - need some help

    Today I've been woozy, slightly dizzy and disoriented, and have loss of balance. Why is this happening after years of staying on the same doses? Is it temporary or a sign of things to come?
  11. Goosie

    Goosie: insomnia crisis

    Thank you @Katy398 for the kind words. They mean so much to me during these difficult times. I also know what you mean about feeling not as strong as some others on this site- there are those that have conquered so much worse than me yet I feel unable to cope and often beg to die. Everyone here is a hero and I admire you all. 💕💕💕💕
  12. yes, it is in my history timeline in my signature. I was on risperidone 2mg and bupropion XL 150mg from 3-21 until 7/1 then, I dropped the risperidone at my doctor's advice at took Abilify 10mg along with bupropion from 7/1 until 7/28. then, I dropped Abilify and went on Latuda (still alongside bupropion) from 8/1-8/3 then dropped Latuda From 8/3 until 8/10 all I was on was Bupropion, then I stopped. I sleep for 7-8 hours a night now. My sleep was restored (although I don't think i sleep as deeply, and I wake up a few times at night, but nothing big) after being off Bupropion. On a scale of one to ten, I'd say the anxiety and malaise are around a 7. I can still work at work, just waiting for them to pass. Now that I've read through your questions, I'm wondering if I should wait at least a full week to see how I'm doing with just the magnesium (I started halfway through Wednesday, used it Thursday and thought maybe this was going to be it). I was just ambushed by that Friday malaise/anxiety after having a good Thursday, but there is a chance that I didn't take enough magnesium (possibly accidentally mixed a half teaspoon instead of a full one). I take it every 6 hours, 160 mg, might try every 5 instead. Yes, I turned around after hospitalization and really am wanting to just fight for a good life, not end it. My psychologist keeps pushing that my withdrawals are a new anxiety brought on by my brain chemicals changing from the suicide event, but I never bought that. It is so clearly withdrawal to me, the anxiety is so involuntary and not attached to anything (I would get anxiety rushes even as I slept peacefully). Ok Shep. I appreciate your feedback on so much of this- the depression part, etc etc. It's hard when my psychologist and others come from a different perspective that doesn't really buy into people changing without drugs, or that don't believe in withdrawal as a long process. She says that I should have had the symptoms right after I quit, so it must be a new anxiety, whereas I hear on here that there is a honeymoon period, then the withdrawal hits (which is exactly what happened to me). I do worry about reinstating and it not working, or maybe since I've been off the drugs for a month and only have one (albeit distressing and disruptive) symptom to deal with, maybe I should just go a week or so with the magnesium support and see if I can deal. I also worry that reinstating and keeping me on the drug will start back up my insomnia, and that maybe further down the road as I try to taper, my withdrawal might be worse. I have a demanding workload and a toddler son, so the attention needed to do the tapering also worries me. but...if my symptoms get worse or I really start to not be able to deal with daily life, I may regret not trying to reinstate, and I know the further away I get, the less effective it might be. It's still a tough call. I will say I will give it a week, but appreciate anyone else's thoughts on the matter on which road to take.
  13. sept 20, 2019 11:30am levothyroxine 125mcg 12:30pm lorazepam 0.5mg, sad and weepy 1pm 1200mg gabapentin, 15mg buspirone 1:30pm 25mg metoprolol, 2GM lovaza, 450mg oxcarbazepine, 100/25mg losartan/HCTZ, 150mg venlafaxine 4pm 0.5mg lorazepam. better since morning. no heart arrythmia. menstrual cramping, but avoiding OTC pain meds 7pm 1200mg gabapentin, 15mg buspirone, 25mg metoprolol 8pm 0.5mg lorazepam 9:45pm 0.5mg lorazepam, a little tense but nothing bad 11pm 54mg ziprasidone, first liquid taper.. feel strange after 11:30pm started feeling sad 12am 1200mg gabapentin, 25mg metoprolol, 450mg oxcarbazepine, 15mg buspirone, 0.5mg lorazepam. tired. 1am- sleep
  14. Yesterday
  15. Nelly

    Unhealthy relationships

    I hear you. I think we are doing really well in recognising how these relationships affect us., and now that we are able to do so, do what is best for us. Since I moved 60 miles away from my family, along with all the positive changes I am doing, my life has improved so much. My mum called me twice this week, prior to this, she hadn’t called me in 12 months. I don’t blame her, but now recognise what a huge impact her behaviour has had on my life. Now, she is missing me, and the support I have previously provided to my siblings. I am not willing to sacrifice my health and happiness anymore. I want some happiness before I due. No one has tried to hold me up when I have been falling. We must put our own health & happiness first. Keep on with your consideration for yourselves first. I applaud you. X
  16. Hey ShiningLight That's the scary part. You don't know when you've gone too far. Have you tapered 2 drugs at once? I was starting to but I'm hoping that isn't too much at once.
  17. Katy398

    Goosie: insomnia crisis

    Oh Goosie, I’m so sorry to hear about your dog and about tooth suffering. The trying times in life become so momentous whilst going through WD. My heart goes out to you. I’m seriously thinking of getting a grounding mat. My cortisol surges at dawn are debilitating I have started every day for 8 months in utter terror. I just want it to end. Im not sure I’ll be strong enough to do this for years on end like so many others. Take care Goosie Thank you Kx
  18. Hi Hope. I feel your concern. Considering that for many of us, despair and blind faith got us into this unenviable position, I think we have to educate ourselves on all fronts to make our best decisions. Talking with someone outside SA is ok if it helps to understand what's occurring. You brought the suggestion back here to vet before acting on it. I think it shows your overall confidence and appreciation in the help you're getting here. Few of us knew what we were in for once we entered into acute w/d. So until it resolves and is in our past, every new symptom is scary. It's difficult to trust anything anyone says but as you've found, I think the SA team is pretty spot on with their advice and help. I had several little weird things pop up throughout w/d. Guaranteed I asked about each one, with SA and with my doctor. 😅 It seemed at the time, like being sucked into an alternate universe where only a 'few' acknowledged or recognized what was going on. The 'few' were only on this site, thankfully but unfortunately. I made note on my thread how it felt like the 'twilight zone' where no one else (Dr. included) thought these drugs were so dangerous or could do such harm. I think the bottom line on SA, from what I've gathered, is that less is better when it comes to supplements or other drugs while you're stabilizing. The tools they recommend are exceptionally helpful for now and for the future. I'm betting on them, SA and my faith to see myself off the AD. Hope you're doing better today. 🌼
  19. Since my first post in May, I have gone back to work (gradual return over 8 weeks) and have reinstated 5 mg of Escitalopram as of last week (Sep 14, 2019). For now. I went 10 months without ADs after 25 yrs. I thought I could cope with the supplements and exercise, other self care I’ve been doing. And OTC painkillers here and there. I haven’t been taking the Zopiclone as much, maybe every 4th day for sleep, but admit I was starting to take quarter tablets at night just to shut off my mind. Since last Fall has mostly been a struggle, except for windows I would have every several days maybe, but it would only last a few hours. Although I WAS progressing with the withdrawal. I do know that. The acute stage took about 4 months. I was on 20mg Citalopram a few yrs ago, but was on 20 mg Lamotragine when I withdrew last year over a 2 month period. Too fast!!! I was very disappointed to do this, but I weighed my options very carefully the entire time I stated back at work. I am back full time in a pretty stressful office environment/dept, and I do not want to go back sitting at home. Work does keep my mind off the symptoms, but it’s a balance of that, and also being able to sit and concentrate and read legislation and processing complaint cases. I haven’t even taken on 100% of the work, as they still have people ‘helping’ me out since my gradual return. Plus feeling agitated in meetings and feeling like I can’t speak properly, which makes me feel even more insecure about knowing my stuff, which I feel like I don’t. I never did. Really can’t tell if it’s all in my head or not. My confidence does come back at times, but I panic too much when get stuck on things I don’t know. Takes longer to let things slide. I do know the difference, it’s not just because I was off for 1.5 yrs. When I returned to the same job a few years ago after taking 2 yrs off it went like this because on meds the whole time. So I felt I wasn’t able to cope any longer. Plus I also am going to be taking on an assignment in the Wellness department, which really was my goal in taking on this work 8 years ago. Mind you, my managers do know I haven’t been happy in my job—part of the reason why I had to take long term leave twice in the past 8 years. So I suppose my discontent and health issues prompted the offer on this asssignment for a few months. I am so relieved, I just hope it all the paperwork goes through ok. I went without the ADs for as long as I could. I don’t even know how I lasted this long. But it’s not the end. Im hoping the 5 mg will be enough to bring back some of my mood. It’s only been a week, but within the first 72 hours I felt a lot of relief from physical aches I had, and my agitation went down considerably. A few days later however, it felt like it was all coming back. Hard to tell with minor side effects of insomnia and anxiety. But I do have more energy. It’s only when I go too long without eating or didn’t sleep enough where I feel like I shouldn’t be working. I do not want to give up this next job opportunity, it’s everything I’ve been working towards in my entire work career. Follow up Dr appt is next week.
  20. Don't do it. It can blow up and cause severe withdrawal and akisthesia. You never know how close to the line you are in terms of stability until you're on the unstable side. Brain does a very good job of compensating until it can't. It doesn't always give a warning before a crash. Going slow IS the fast way.
  21. Thanks @Guilietta. Fast MD taper of gaba with disastrous results and partial reinstatement. My klon was short lived and I wasn't dependent thank goodness!!!!
  22. VincentV

    VincentV: 2 months after sertraline

    Hi Viktor, I'm sorry to hear that you've had such unpleasant symptoms. I can relate to the 'brain wrapped in cotton' feeling and the rumination. After nearly a year off all meds I have improved though I still have some nasty spells and the severe, foggy detachment, memory issues and anhedonia which have never really gone. The anxiety and rumination are greatly reduced though as are the earworms, mesophonia and other weird symptoms. Depression comes and goes. Do you think trying those other medications has left you feeling worse on balance or about the same? I'm going to be honest I dont know if I'll ever completely heal from this. Time has improved things and there are a lot of things I've just learnt to accept,like any chrobic illness. I'm living a different life now, half the battle seems to be just accepting that. The last couple of months have been (mostly) fairly serene. Don't put too much pressure on your self is all I'll say. Your body will get when and where it needs to be in its own sweet time. Kelvin
  23. Kristeebee

    Kristeebee: hi there

    Nope, I gave up coffee and sugar a long time ago into this anxiety dilemma.
  24. ChessieCat

    Andi: introducing myself

    How much magnesium are you taking? Are you taking it throughout the day? It is better to take it several times a day. Are you taking calcium at the same time? Some magnesium tablets contain calcium as well. They cancel each other out. What type of magnesium are you taking? You might want to consider changing to a different type. Please read the magnesium topic for further information about what I have posted above.
  25. Yes, I was starting to reduce the ziprasidone... but if I should just hold off until I'm done with the lorazepam I will wait. I looked up Dr. Carroll and it isn't a far drive, but I'm concerned she doesn't take my insurance. I will call Monday and make sure. Thank you so much Shep for showing me her information, I appreciate it. ❤️ Genesis
  26. This is very common - many people find buproprion to be energizing. And it looks like your doctor was expecting it to be because he placed you on an antipsychotic at the same time as prescribing buproprion. However, the fact that you went on an antipsychotic at the same time as the antidepressant may have masked not just insomnia, but an adverse reaction. Many people are diagnosed with something called "bipolar disorder" after going on an antidepressant. What they are really dealing with is an adverse reaction to the antidepressant. Were you on anything else besides risperidone and bupropion? If so, please list the names and doses of all drugs you were on at that time you stopped. How many hours are you sleeping at night? What do you mean by "pretty rough patch"? How intense are the anxiety and malaise symptoms on a scale of one to ten? Do you feel you've recovered from this initial episode of distress? The reason I'm asking so many questions is because it's possible you might have had an adverse reaction to the antidepressant, had the adverse reaction masked with an antipsychotic, and then over the months, the depression worked its way out. Depressions prior to the antidepressant era tended to work themselves out, even without any type of treatment. It's only after doctors started prescribing antidepressants that we've seen antidepressants chronify these depressive episodes due to the drugs mucking up the serotonergic system (Robert Whitaker wrote a great book on this called Anatomy of an Epidemic, which comes highly recommended here). If you're dealing with an adverse reaction, you may not want to reinstate. Or if you do (in order to mitigate withdrawal), you'll want to do so at an extremely low dose. Reinstating a drug that may be involved in an adverse reaction should be approached with caution. Please post your thoughts on this.
  27. Thanks Alice1 I know all you say it true and thanks for replying today I really needed it. With my new symptoms I have lost the plot with fear and stress and frequent bathroom visits are very distressing. My acceptance over this is nil. Not helpful at all to be angry and stressed over it. As you say have to keep practising ways to reduce stress, it's very hard to do and I am in a constant state of fear 24/7. Sleep is bad and up to bathroom every few hours and each time I have to get up anxiety kicks in and then awake from 3am/4am every night. So exhausted in every way. Meditation is hard as mind overrides it. Need to learn to calm down again. Again thank you for your encouraging words. Hope you doing ok today and not suffering too much. Waves
  28. ChessieCat

    VincentV: 2 months after sertraline

    @Znarkz Please start an Introduction topic for yourself so you can be supported: introductions-and-updates
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