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  2. hopehope

    hopehope: in desperate need of advice

    Why is it an "extremely dangerous" amount? Thanks
  3. The symptoms I have right now are: tachycardia, anxiety, just overall body pain in my skin? Almost like nerve pain, muscles twitching in legs, can't handle a lot of stimulation/stress, shortness of breath, insomnia, weakness, obsessive thoughts about recovery (reading terrible stories bad stories have almost sent me over the edge). Do you have similar symptoms? I read your story, how long did it take you to stabilize once you reinstated? Thank you SO much for the encouragement. It doesn't help that I'm 4 1/2 months postpartum so my hormones and body is still trying to heal from that AND this. It's a nightmare. Are you still working/able to function? I have been with her since May. The problem is, all of the doctor's around here are under the same healthcare company so every doctor uses the same system.
  4. Today
  5. Gridley

    Cigale: reinstating help

    @Cigale Very wise words. You will make it through and be even stronger on the other side (yes, you are a strong person).
  6. Adili how are you do you feel better than when you first landed on the site ? you say you’re going through a rough patch why do you think that is ?
  7. A little, my symptoms goes worse and worse but when I have a short time in my day without symptoms, I feel better ! I don't have Windows or waves for my case, It’s just the succession of symptoms that change throughout the day, anxiety, depression, dizziness, ill-being and others and suddenly a time when I’m okay and no longer experiencing symptoms A member here told me that the symptoms can goes worse a lot before an amelioration so i hope this is that..
  8. YES, it is the hardest thing I’ve been through too but also the most rewarding. I’ve been on a Benzo for over twenty years so I can say that your brain IS healing. It helps to remind yourself of this when anxious thoughts take over. Release expectations and know that every day you are closer to recovery. Anxiety can be a beast, staying in the moment helps tremendously but it is a skill you need to practice. How long have you been with your doctor?
  9. greyed

    greyed: mirtazapine disaster

    It's been almost a couple weeks now since I last updated. The 7.5 mg I had been on was sloppily done with a butter knife, cutting the 15 in half. A couple days ago I could get myself to really cry so that was something. I've tried pleasuring myself that I was putting off for weeks and, while I could function, found that the arousal feeling was lacking. I'm scared of the possibility with the permanency of this. I'm suspecting that the haphazard reinstatement had done it because I could feel normal arousal during three weeks of cold turkey. I'm at a loss on whether to get off the drug properly to avoid any more damage.
  10. Thank you so much Mia! This has been the hardest thing to accept/cope with. Not to mention, my doctor is pushing getting off ativan since the black box warning came out from the FDA. She wants me to give her a timeline of when I can taper - she doesn’t believe I’m still in withdrawal from Celexa. It’s awful. I’m currently sitting at ativan 3 times a day. And my Celexa reinstatement at .5mg. Is my brain still healing when I’m on ativan? The horror stories are just awful.
  11. @Nyfa25 have you noticed any improvement?
  12. Hi Shelton, I’ve been reading through your post, I know you’re going through a lot but it will get better. I think you need to just pick a schedule for the Ativan and stick with it, whether it be two or three times a day. Don’t panic or worry about what’s going to happen in the future. Let your nervous system heal. I know it’s hard but you have to put “time lines” out of your head; you will heal when you heal. Once you accept this I believe some of your anxiety will go away. Please listen to the other members and use non drug coping techniques, they work. Recognize how strong you are!!
  13. I've been off about 7 years and honestly this sense has got worse of late. Initially my life was in such a crisis that once I got over any notion of ending things I became very focused on actually digging out of the hole I was in, but having sorta done that and now being on some semblance of a reasonable path I'm reminded day in day out of how old I now am and how far behind I am.
  14. @Adili13 yes it does occur to me it’s just it’s so very intense at the moment . I know I am probably at fault but it does feel that putting Paxil in my body is causing a reaction also but your probably right as it occurred after double dosing and tapering thank you Adili its good to have another point of view x
  15. Sorry I know I missed that yesterday, I took Lexapro 4.46mg between 8-9AM for 9/26. 9/27 5am - woke with anxiety 9am - finally got out of bed, still have wired feeling 9:05am - had a bowl of Cheerios and almond milk 11am - 4.46mg Lexapro 12:00pm - waffle, eggs, bacon, toast w/ strawberry jam 12:00pm - still feel amped up / some anxiety / slight burning 12:33pm - amping up even more, getting hard to sit still, going into a wave I think 2:15pm - slight improvement in wired-ness, but still wired 3:20pm - finished eggs, bacon 3:20pm - feel tired, still feel slightly wired but better than earlier 3:29pm - 1000mg fish oil 5:00pm - Beef Ravioli 7:00pm - chili 8:18pm - feeling almost normal, tired. No burning, anxiety, and no longer noticeably wired 8:30pm - tried to sleep 1:37am - took Unisom (I know I shouldn’t do this, desperate for sleep since wave is returning, didn't work guess I won't try that again) 7:06am - Wasn’t able to sleep last night, feel weird wired / amped again this morning. Insomnia
  16. @Longroadhome do you ever feel that maybe you’re more just destabilized from withdrawal and less so your body rejecting Paxil? I could be wrong, but I feel you’ve felt this way a long time and I just wonder if you ever consider that maybe it’s actually destabilization more than like tolerance. Hugs to you, friend
  17. Fightinghard

    Fightinghard: overcoming

    I feel like I’m on yo-yo these days. Last night was a better night sleep and overall I had a 6 hour stretch of sleep. First time in probably 6 months? The 4am surge woke me but I did fall back to sleep for maybe 45 minutes- 1 hour? I’ll take it. I’m definitely battling the neuroemotions but now that I recognize it things have been more manageable. This morning my anxiety is there but not overwhelming. I’m planning on taking a walk in nature today and working from home. I’m going to be gentle hoping I can keep myself in a better place. I have to believe if I can get my sleep consistent it will help my healing. Well I think I really understand windows and waves now more than ever. I think the more I understand things the better I can manage this.
  18. Cigale

    Cigale: reinstating help

    Good morning @Gridley - I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your patience with me. Never have I felt so lost and vulnerable, and needy as I have these last few months. Every time I reach out for help, you (and so many others) have been there to reassure me, to offer your hard-earned wisdom. I am so grateful and fortunate to have you in my life and I don’t want to abuse this gift. So I am working on reinforcing my coping skills and addressing some unhelpful habits. I am driven and tend to obsess about things, believing if I focus on something long enough, I can just think my way through it. So along with spending too much time here trying to compare and contrast my situation to others (never a good idea, ever), to find some magic path, I have been obsessively consuming self-help content. And it’s an unhealthy, frantic consumption, like someone mindlessly eating boxes and boxes of chocolates. (Do I ever miss chocolate 😉!) I know what I need to do to help myself. Whether it is AAF or DARE, CBT or ACT, I have the tools to work through the minutes, hours, days. I just have to slow down, breath deeply, and use them mindfully, over and over and over. I have to be willing to catch myself falling and lift myself up no matter how hard I fall. I need to relearn how to live my life, to do the things I need to do no matter how difficult it feels. I also need to do what I can to be strong for my dad and sisters and this difficult time. At the same time, I have to find balance and listen to my body so I am careful not to over reach. For the next couple of weeks, I am going to take a break from this community and try to engage with life more fully as best I can. Learning to live with and learn from my current symptoms will hopefully strengthen me for the taper. And thank you @Erell for reminding me this takes practice since I am not very disciplined at all. I hope you all continue to find peace and beauty in your lives. With love and heaps of healing 🤗 !
  19. It is interesting @juneight. Apart from different physiologies, it may be related to the different dosages individuals have taken? With lower doses affecting histamine/sleep and higher doses the norepinephrine/anxiety levels. Perhaps symptoms can evolve as the dose changes? I'm sorry your anxiety hasn't reduced after a 5 month hold, that's a long time. Hopefully it will reduce as your dosage does? R
  20. Please provide the following information. You can delete the "3/4 of normal dose" (for example) and just use dose. This makes it easier for the moderators to know what you took without having to calculate and possibly make a mistake. And please make state the drug and doses separately, Zyrprexa xxmg, citalopram xxmg so that we don't get confused. We need the doses: August 1 2020 - cut doses in half for both pills. (both zyprexa and citalopram) We need to know the dates and doses for the taper and what was the last dose you took and the date August 19 2020 - crashed from tapering too fast and reinstated full dose (both zyprexa and citalopram) We need the doses: August 23 2020 - Felt aweful like meds weren't helping and lowered to 3/4 of normal dose (both zyprexa and citalopram) We need the doses: September 21st - Cut doses in half (both zyprexa and citalopram)
  21. How interesting one suffers anxiety, another suffers depression while others suffer sleep issues. I have waited the anxiety to stop after 5 months hold and havent seen any no remarkable differerences then. I hope it settles down some for you and feel better soon. If there is only one but big sx like that, it could make us to rethink pushing again. Fingers crossed.
  22. hi @Altostrata I agree I am not taking enough anywhere near enough Benzo to mask the withdrawal symptoms but I believe honestly with all my gut that this is sertraline destabilisation - I just know it Inside of me I recognise all the symptoms and the signs some of which are right from the start of my first withdrawal when I wasn’t taking a Benzo - there may be some Benzo withdrawal in there too but this crash I truly believe is predominantly sertraline related and I think the destabilisation in September was the same as I went down to 8mg— it is the low doses I just can’t seem to get off it. I don’t know how I will ever get off it.
  23. That is something I have in my mind, and which also deters me from starting a business. I have started multiple businesses in my life before depression, and have a good idea how much mental and physical strength you need to actually make a business work. There are more downs than ups in the early phases. I have been looking for a partner, but no luck so far. And then again, if I wait too long I might start spiralling downwards. Catch 22. Unfortunately I am at an age where employment is not possible.
  24. hi @Shep no it did not bring any relief at all unfortunately.
  25. January 2020 - started trazodone 50mg Please include how often you take this.
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