MermaidsCantCry: I want to be free

[MermaidsCantCry]

I started taking Cipralex 20mg last summer when my depression anxiety and OCD got so bad I was having crying bouts,and suicidal ideation multiple times a day. I felt unable to leave an emotionally abusive relationship and knew I HAD to do something.
After ten years free from all psych meds, including several very functional happy and productive ones, convincing me once and for all I AM CAPABLE of happiness, without drugs. I was loathe to be on meds again but desperation found me in the doctors office once again.

The medication did limit the crying, and I was able to leave that relationship but I find myself still anxious and sad most of the time, I have also thrown myself right back into another negative relationship, so what's the point of being on meds? I need to be practising my CBT and making bet ter choices in my life not drugging myself.
They mess with my libido and god only knows what else.

I'm done with this rubbish,.

I want to be free.

 

[MermaidsCantCry]

forgot to mention I also gained a million pounds or so it seemed, prior to taking the cipralex. I gained so much so quickly, my foot was injured quite badly and I was unable to walk on it, which exacerbated the weight issue, and the depression., It was a mess.

Ive lost almost half of that weight now and can exercise pain free once again, so I am thankful to cipralex for that, but now that ive made it over the hump and left the jerk and the weight behind me, I want off!

[mammaP]

Hi Mermaids, welcome to SA,  I am so glad that you came here BEFORE  starting to taper and not i n withdrawal  after a taper that was too fast like so many of us here. Tapering very very slowly will take years, it is a long process but well worth the patience. It will seem odd that we suggest a taper lasing years when you have only been taking it for a year but the drugs make changes in the brain, and has to be sneaked away so the brain can adjust to the new slightly lower dose in between drops. Those who taper faster often find themselves here because they have gone too fast and are in withdrawal, which takes a long time to recover from. Tapering slowly avoids that and means you can get on with your life and learn to deal with anxieties and stress along the way.

 

We recommend tapering no ore than 10% of the current dose with at least 4 weeks between drops.  If there are any withdrawal symptoms for more than a day or 2 the drop was too big and future drops will need to be smaller. 

 

Here is the topic for tapering escitalopram

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/406-tapering-off-lexapro-escitalopram/ read it carefully it will explain how to get the lower doses. 

 

The 3 KIS  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6632-the-rule-of-3kis-keep-it-simple-keep-it-slow-keep-it-stable/

 

This will be your journal to log your progress and ask any questions. in addition it is good to keep a diary with any new symptoms you might experience, you can then see if a pattern emerges and if they are linked to the taper

 

It would be best if you can resolve the negative relationship, this is a new start for you and you will be more successful without the stress. There are many topics here about coping with emotional problems

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/ 

[MermaidsCantCry]

thanks for the reply!

My doctor told me to halve the amount but I ,knew that sounded like too much so Im glad I found this forum. in fairness she is not a pdoc, or even a famiily doc, but just a walkin doctor.
Im mostly on my own in this mental health journey of mine.

I took my half a pill today but the anxiety was awful so after reading through this forum I took another 1/4 of a pill.

I'm thinking of turning my tablets into a liquid so I can more accurately dose myself down.

it was a little disheartening to read in the forums that being on cipralex 20mg is a VERY HEAVY DOSE of drugs compared to 20mg of something else.
It makes sense now, why my first month or two on the drug was HORRIFIC.

I have a lifetime of experience, learning to cope with anxiety so I know I can get through this but I dont look forward to it.
I do however look forward to having a normal libido, and not feeling like im a slave to a bottle of pills, being able to have a drink without worrying about interactions.

 

[SquirrellyGirl]

Hello from me, too, Mermaids!

 

I'm glad you realized your half dose was too big a cut and added another 1/4, but that is stil a 25% cut.  So, it will take four days for that level to reach a steady state and for your system to react.  You may get away with that first 25% - some do fine dropping by larger amounts from high dosages - but really listen to your body.  If you can get away with this cut, I'd advise holding there for a couple of months.  As mammaP wrote, we suggest 10% per month at most, so a 25% cut would amount to about 2.5  months of 10% cuts.

 

When making your own liquid, there are a couple of things to consider.  First, do not also make a cut as you switch to liquid.  Some people find the liquid version absorbs differently and they experience symptoms, whether they are withdrawal or side effects like on start up.  To cut on top of that switch can blow people out of the water.  Some find it better to do a cross taper between dry and liquid. This is what I had to do with my mirtazapine.  I did 3/4 and 1/4 liquid for four days, then 1/2 and 1/2 for four, then 1/4 and 3/4 for four, and then all liquid, while keeping the dosage the same.  A hassle, but once it was done, dosing by liquid was much easier.

 

In order to do that, though, you'd likely need a milligram scale, .unless you are working with a full tablet that you can do 1/4's.  I had already begun 10% cuts so had an unusual amount to calculate from and had already been weighing dosages.

 

Using an oral syringe and other tapering techniques

Using a digital scale to measure doses

 

You sound strong and decisive, ready to be free of the meds.

 

The medication did limit the crying, and I was able to leave that relationship but I find myself still anxious and sad most of the time, I have also thrown myself right back into another negative relationship, so what's the point of being on meds? I need to be practising my CBT and making bet ter choices in my life not drugging myself.
They mess with my libido and god only knows what else.

I'm done with this rubbish,.

I want to be free.

 

That's just it, we do need to do the work on the issues that led us to the drugs to begin with, but you see that, and Awareness is half the battle!  After going through the process of coming off the meds and witnessing the fallout here along the way, you will be in a position of power and resiliency to handle just about anything!

 

I'm glad you're here!

SG

[MermaidsCantCry]

^TY so much SG. lovely welcome, and very informative.

yah I do expect to feel somewhat poorly for a little bit but as long as im still able to mostly function I'm gonna keep plugging through Ive got extra supports in place right now, and a relatively stress free life. If I do hard work, keeping my schedule on track and eating well and getting plenty of out doors and exercise I feel like that will offset a lot of the negative w/d effects.
This was my plan when I quit smoking cigarettes and Im going to treat this the same way. Like my body and spirit need to be cared for the MOST during this time.

[MermaidsCantCry]

Titled:  Update-clean for 7 years from psychiatric poison

 

I found this website in 2016 after spending a year on Cipralex. It was not the first time I had been bamboozled by the predators in the psychiatrics industry into taking expensive poison but it would be the last!
I wish I had access to this forum as a kid when I was on and off different drugs prescribed to me by different sadists and egomaniacs. 

 I tend to experience the worst possible side reactions to everything, and it doesn't seem like much of a leap to guess this is in large part due to the NUMEROUS times i damaged my nervous system getting off these drugs cold turkey, repeatedly.
I was gaslit by the medical community when I would describe the horrific symptoms I was having
(same thing with hormonal birth control)
if it isn't written about in their books, it isn't real. And if they lose money writing about it in their books, they don't.

They truly are predators and clearly need deep healing themselves.

I am having really good progress self administering EMDR therapy, and working with the Internal Family Systems model of integrating wounded parts of myself. Along side clean eating, daily joyful movement and some herbal adaptogen supplements I am progressing to a place of being healed more than any poison could ever ever hope to achieve.

I have overcome an eating disorder, removed toxic people from my life, learned how to spot red flags, and not be a doormat and fully stopped feeling suicidal.
All without a single antidepressant

I wish everyone struggling with tapering right now, the very best of luck, I promise you it is worth it.


 

Edited January 3, 2023 by manymoretodays
wrong drug name. merged to existing Introduction, title added