ParoxMilk: paroxetine / Paxil - 7 months after last dose

[ParoxMilk]

Hello, Im paroxMilk,

 

It all started with a panic attack in 2006. I was young (23 years old) and I did nothing about it. I had shame of myself. I was stupid enough to think nothing was wrong and time would put those sympthoms away.
It was the opposite. By the summer of 2011 the anxiety became unbearable and I went to a doctor.

 

Summer 2011- June 2018
-15mg Paroxetine
Taking a 20mg pill one day and half pill in the other.

 

Tapering: June 2018 - 31st December 2018
In 2018 I decided to be medication free. I know it was a fast tapering (but much slower than the doctor advised). And sometimes alternating daily doses. My last pill was on 31st December of 2018.
The tapering was somehow easy. Some brain zaps (not many) and dizziness. But nothing serious.

 

1 January 2019 - now
Free of Paxil. 7 and a half years on this...

 

Discontinuation
End of December or early January: Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
March for 1 week: Venlafaxine 75mg, which gave me a paradox effect: Depression.
Since March I had depression, anxiety, racing thoughts and paranoia (afraid of doing harm to myself). I was feeling really disconnected from life. I was not me anymore. I was someone else. 
I NEVER had nothing of this.

By June I could not stand it anymore and since 25th of June I'm on
- Buproprion 150mg
- Olanzapine 2.5mg
- Clonazepam 0.5mg

 

I'm more calm now. But anxiety is sky rocketing. But I'm always obcessed with my health, with my future.
In 2017 my dad passed away with cancer an my relationship ended. So they (doctors, therapeut, family ..) think this is because of those events. I do not think so.
I tried everything to put my depression away (sports and my social life is more active, yoga, travel). Nothing worked. But kept me living. 

Thoughts?

Help.

 

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Parox.

 

What times of day do you take your drugs? Are your symptoms better at some times of day than others? How is your sleep?