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HopeD: Let me introduce myself


HopeD

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I have been reading this forum for a long time, but I only now decided to post, because my story is quite complicated and it stresses me out just to write about it.

I started my first AD amitriptilin when I was 18 years old. Now I’m 44. It was prescribed for OCD and insomnia. I didn’t feel it helped much so I stopped it after a few months, I don’t remember exactly. I had no WD, at least I don’t remember. My OCD was manageable.

 

After 3 years (not sure) I was having really stressful life and my insomnia and OCD became unbearable, so I went to a GP and he prescribed me Paxil. It worked wonderfully, my insomnia was gone and OCD almost. The problems began when I tried to stop it. I didn’t know anything about 10% reduction in tappering, so every time I tried to quit CT or fast tappering it was a disaster. 


Once I couldn’t sleep (like 0 sleep, although I know about micro sleep) for 9 days, and that was after I reinstated.

After that I went to a psychiatrist and lamented about sexual problems that I have ( low libido, no orgasm for years) and she prescribed me another AD, and  then another one and another...without success for months. Things calmed down only when she put me back on Paxil. So I excepted my sexual problems and lived my life quite successfully.

 

In 2016 I thought I was ready to quit Paxil again because I wanted to get rid of that poison. And I ended up suicidal. I actually did it, but was saved. After that I run off Paxil, since I was in the foreign country and I started taking Prozac, but I was in a really bad shape and had really complicated life so I became suicidal again. I decided to go back home and directly to the psychiatric ward.

 

There they put me on sertaline high dose and Mirtazapine 45 mg. I started to feel amazing so my doctor said I probably don’t need Sertaline any more so he almost CT me. 
For about 3 months things were great, almost too great. I could work, I could sleep, I could party. I was drinking alcohol and smoking weed.

After that all hell broke loose. I started to have my disturbing OCD thoughts again and for some days I started to sleep too much and after I couldn’t sleep. I thought I need SSRI ( I was still on Mirtazapine ) because of my chemical imbalance and I reinstated Sertaline, but it didn’t help. I went back to psychiatric ward again and there they have thrown at me some antipsychotic and benzodiazepines. Nothing helped, things got just worse and worse. I experienced DP, DR, brain fog, I couldn’t think logically and clear. My OCD went out off control. I was severely depressed and anxious. I became suicidal again. Doctors told me they are unable to help me, so they send me home.

 

Since then I tried to reinstate Paxil again, but it didn’t help. So I thought my only hope is to get off all the medication. It has been 9 months since my fast tapper of Paxil again. I also tapered Mirtazapine from 45mg to 15mg. I didn’t take benzodiazepines for 3 months now.

 I understand that this was all too fast, but since I didn’t know any better and was already a mess, I thought that was the best solution for me.

So my current situation is OCD uncontrollable, 24/7 high anxiety, depression, nightmares, insomnia (most of the night I get 6 to 7 hours of broken sleep I think of Mirtazapin knocking me out)

 I don’t have much of DP/DR anymore, my mental functions have recovered to some degree.

 
I’m not able to work since April 2019. I’m trying really hard to get my life back, but my CNS is for sure all over the place. The thing that bothers me the most is this constant crippling anxiety. It starts when I wake up and stays with me all day. I’m not able to relax. 
I had some windows. Some came just for an hour, the first and the last long one was in November 2020. Since then I’m in a tsunami. 


I know there is not much you can do for me. I have read a lot of staff here on this and on other forums. I’m trying my best to walk every day, to eat healthy, to distract myself (the most difficult part, since I am anxious all the time and my brain is in fight mode all the time) I go to the shop when I’m able to. I can’t socialise much because of my constant state of fear.

 

I’m very grateful for this forum and success stories has encouraged me a lot.

I hold my taper on Mirtazapine for 6 months now, because I can’t imagine what would happened if I loose my sleep and I also understand that my CNS has been through a lot.

So yeah I fight to survive every day, waiting to get a window now and than and that’s my life. 
I’m very lucky to have a supportive partner and mom. I can tell them all my disturbing thoughts and they provide a needed comfort.

 I would appreciate any positive comment and suggestions.

Thank you.

Edited by manymoretodays
spacing for readability, tags

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

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  • manymoretodays changed the title to HopeD: Let me introduce myself
  • Moderator Emeritus

Welcome @HopeD

 


I'm glad you found us, but very sorry to hear about your situation. It's good to hear that you have had a few windows, even if it was a while ago. I think that's a good sign. I'm also sorry that it took a while for us to get back to you.
Would you mind writing a signature? We ask that all members do this, so that we can get a clear overview of drug history. Here's how to do that:

 

How to write a signature

 


It sounds like you've already looked around a bit, but I thought I would link you a few topics that might be helpful in coping, if you haven't seen them. 

 

Way to cope with daily anxiety

 

Relaxation exercises, guided meditations, calming videos, sleep hypnosis

 

Obsessive compulsive disorder or OCD: Repetitive intrusive thoughts, compulsive behaviors

 


We don't recommend many supplements because it can sometimes make things worse in this situation, but two that we do recommend are omega-3 and magnesium. Some people find them helpful. It can be a good idea to always start at a low dose and one supplement at a time. That way it's easier to know if one specific thing is causing problems. In my opinion this can be good to keep in mind for many things during this process (like too much exercise, stressful circumstances, certain kinds of food, alcohol intake and so on).

 

Omega-3

 

Magneisum

 


A good first step is the signature.

Do you mind me asking if the anxiety is worse at any point, by the way? Are you able to notice any patterns?

 

 

Edited by Sunnyday

2011-2015: Escitalopram (Cipralex) 20 mg, Voxra 300 mg (quit Voxra in late 2015, no issues)

2016: Started tapering Escitalopram 5 mg at a time, every fourth week

July 24th, 2016: Escitalopram 5 mg

April 2nd, 2017: Quit last dosage (WD worsened a lot)

Ca 6 last months of 2017: Taking Diazepam 15-25 mg irregularly, less than once a month

Ca Dec 2017: Out of Diazepam, i.e free from all prescribed drugs

Now: Still drug free

Supplements: Irregular intake of Omega-3, magnesium, vitamin D.

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Thank you Sunnyday for your reply and kind words.

 I already take many supplements since February 2020: 5- HTP, GABA, Omega 3, Magnesium, vitamin D, B12, Melatonin 

I found Magnesium and Melatonin most helpful for sleep.

My anxiety is like inner restlessness (maybe akathisia) and it’s present all the time. It stays with me all day and it’s very debilitating. I tried almost everything to calm myself down but actually nothing helps. It’s terrible. When I felt better I really didn’t change much it just came and went away again, that’s why I think it was a window every time. 
I force myself to do things every day like going for a walk, cleaning the house, cooking, sewing... I also read and watch TV, but I don’t find any pleasure in things I do.

 I know that what the doctors did to me with all the drugs changing is terrible but I can’t change that now. 

 I also know that reinstate any of the drug probably wouldn’t help since I’m so far out.  
All I can do now is keep myself busy as much as I can and wait for the windows to come again.

It’s very hard to live like this every single day but I think it’s the only way to push through.

Thanks for all the informations you and this forum provides.

 

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi HopeD,  and welcome,

How long have you been taking your current supplements, HopeD?

We have a lot of topics on the various supplements, and yes, as Sunnyday said, the only 2 we recommend, would be the Magnesium and Omega 3's.

Important topics about tests, supplements, and diet

 

When do you take your assorted supplements, and at what doses?

When do you take the 15 mg of Mirtazapine?

And then are you still on the Sertraline and Lorazepam?

If so, when do you take these each day?

 

And we can help you find more non-drug ways to cope with the anxiety too.  Some of that may be WD(withdrawal) and it can be a bear!  One big scary bear! 

 
 
 

 

When we take medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made.  The CNS likes stability. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur. And sleep is really important during withdrawal

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage

Tips for tapering off mirtazapine(Remeron)

 

And welcome aboard.  Glad you have joined us.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

manymoretodays(mmt)

Edited by manymoretodays

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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Hi manymoretodays!

 I have been taking the following supplements since February 2020:

In the morning: B12 14,4g  D-3 1000 iu, HTP-5 100mg

After lunch: Omega 3 1000mg, GABA 500mg, NAC 150mg

Before bed: Magnesium 2500mg,Melatonin 0,43 mg

I didn’t know that taking too many   supplements is not OK. I have started taking them before I discovered this page. Do you recommend that I stop taking some of them?

 I don’t take any Sertalin, Paxil or Loranzapine. It has been 9 months since I stopped Paxil, and 3 months since I took my last dose  Loranzapine, which I took as needed.

 I only take Mirtazapine 15 mg before bed. 
It’s the only medication that I have been on all the time since September 2018. But I have came down from 45mg to 15mg.

 I realise that my CNS has been through a lot.

As you mentioned my anxiety is really like a big scary bear. I had anxiety even before taking the medications, but it was never like that, literally all the time.

 I had some short of  windows lately, when my anxiety calms down a bit, and they always come out of nowhere.

I don’t have many physical symptoms.  I am very tired and my tongue is burning sometimes. But I suffer with this terrible anxiety, OCD, depression and insomnia. That’s why sometimes I think it’s all in my head. 

I’m  determined to beat this beast down. I fight every single day. I try to do as much as possible, but I can’t do much about anxiety. When I feel better I just feel better, that’s why I think it’s WD induced anxiety. 
I want to be drug free. Since I hold my taper of Mirtazapine for 9 months I would like to ask you if you recommend that I start slow taper? 
I actually never stabilise and things didn’t change much for me since April 2019. This time I would do a very slow taper as you recommend.

What is bothering me is also why did I felt so great from November 2018 until April 2019? Doctor just cut me off Sertaline and I was taking only Mirtazapine 45 mg. But since April 2019 I feel terrible. Was that late WD of Sertaline an Paxil which I was taking before?
Thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to help me. I really appreciate that

 

 

Edited by HopeD

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

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Hi manymoretodays!

I would just like to add some things that have improved in the last months. 

Since I stopped Paxil orgasms are back.

It has been  a few months since I don’t get any migraines (or only aura which happened a few times).

DP an DR are almost gone. My cognitive functions are much better. 
So there is hope that other problems will go away with the passing of time😊

 

 

Edited by HopeD

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

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  • 3 weeks later...

Please help! I would really need your advice what to do next. This anxiety is killing me. Some DP/DR is back.

I feel like I need to taper Mirtazapine. It has been 9 months since my last cut. I don’t stabilise as I didn’t before. I suspect that Mirt is part of my problem. It does help me sleep but I have strange dreams all the time and during the day I feel terrible.

I know one should stabilise before doing the taper, but I have been in this state of madness for almost 2 years now and no medicine helped.
I know it’s up to me to make a decision, but from your experience, please let me know are there people who did feel better after they completely stopped all the drugs, but didn’t stabilise during the taper? 

I know you are really busy with answering all the people asking for help, so hopefully you will find some time for me.

Thank you.

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi HopeD,

And apologies, for not responding sooner.

On 1/26/2021 at 3:22 AM, HopeD said:

Hi manymoretodays!

I would just like to add some things that have improved in the last months. 

Since I stopped Paxil orgasms are back.

It has been  a few months since I don’t get any migraines (or only aura which happened a few times).

DP an DR are almost gone. My cognitive functions are much better. 
So there is hope that other problems will go away with the passing of time😊

 

 

So this one ^ is a good progress report on your healing.

Has something happened in the last week or two?

 

Any significant stressors?  And even things that might have once not been stressful, can be, in WD.

Any alcohol use?  Caffeine use, or increase caffeine?  Family difficulties?  Job change or job stress?

Changes in supplements?

Are you regular in your medication time, and then the times that you take supplements?

 

You can post what a day looks like, with times on the left, and then on the right your medication by name, and dose, as well as all the supplements name, and dose.  Then keep going with times for a 24 hour stretch, list time on the left, and then also include on the right symptoms, as they occur, some will rate them, activities and sleep.

Sometimes something will stand out that way, and you can post them here too.  It's a objective way to see the relationship between your medication, and sometimes supplements, and symptoms.  I think it might be well worth doing.

Here's the link with a sample note:  Daily notes to track patterns and progress

And look especially at the first post there.

 

5 hours ago, HopeD said:

I know it’s up to me to make a decision, but from your experience, please let me know are there people who did feel better after they completely stopped all the drugs, but didn’t stabilise during the taper? 

 

From my own experience, I continued to taper, even when I had some symptoms ongoing.  The DP/DR, I had some vertigo and dizziness as well, cog fog, etc.  I kind of had to make a decision to keep going.

I wonder if this is a Wave for you now.  I know you said it's been horrid for 2 years, and I know it can be, but sometimes it's tricky when in a Wave, to see the improvements overall.  For me, with a long history of medications, and some polypharmacy, I certainly did not feel completely better after I stopped all drugs........even then, it has taken time for me.  Everyone is different though.

 

Stability

this ^ one is from brassmonkey's essay, and compares WD stability with predictability of symptoms

Stabilizing-what does that mean

 

Both of those links may help you decide.

So perhaps it's a matter of reframing, just what stability is for you, or WD stability.......while also holding close the idea that more healing WILL happen.  Don't ever get stuck in the thought that the worst Wave is going to last forever.

 

Do you feel prepared to taper now, the practical side of it?  How are you going to reduce your doses?  The 10% reduction is the largest, some will reduce by less, say 5%, or even 2.5%.  How will you measure the new dose?  Things like that.

 

Since you did some large reductions before arrival, you will want to now proceed really careful and cautious.  And stay in tune with what you feel like and when, after each reduction.

 

And then on symptoms:

Derealization or Depersonalization DP/DR

Lucid/vivid dreaming

 

And then just a nice one from the Finding Meaning subforum:

Acceptance and Hope

 

Hoping some of that ^, will help you feel less alone in what you are going through now.

 

I feel supportive of your beginning to taper again HopeD.  I just want to make sure that you feel prepared(as above).  Get real familiar with the tapering mirtazapine topic too, this is a great time to do so.  And continue to let us know how we can help, or if you have more questions.

 

And best, L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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Hi manymoretodays,

thank you for the answer!

My last post was really positive I know, because I tried to focus on the progress that did happen in the last months. I’m a very positive person when I am not in WD and try to stay like that even if I don’t feel it now. 
I have suffered a lot in my life so I’m not a person who would give up because off some minor things, but how I feel in the last two years is really out off this world suffering.

Nothing special happened to me in the last week or two.

My baseline is a wave all the time. I have some short windows,  which usually don’t last long. Sometimes they come every day( happened in November last year for a week), sometimes no windows for a few days or two weeks.

I try to practice acceptance as much as I can and distractions as well. (Thanks for all links)

Thank you also for your personal experience and for the support.

 I have decided to taper again and the last two days I have taken 10% less that my 15 mg of Mirt. ( I am well prepared technically, because I’m part of fb group Mirtazapine support group and they have a video how to prepare a water solution with  maple syrup)  

I also think I have waited enough, but I don’t stabilise as I hoped. I think I am in my WDnormal as mentioned by brassmonkey.
I’m going to post how my day looks like so you can see better what’s going on. 

 

Feb, 13

10:30 I took Magnesium and Melatonin 

11:30 I took Mirt 13,5mg anxiety 8

11:30 fell asleep and was sleeping much better than usually, excellent 

Feb, 14

8 woke up and was a bit less anxious than usually 6

8-9:30 I stayed in bed  browsing on fb anxiety increased as usually 8

9:30 I took 5-HTP and took a shower anxiety 8, had breakfast 

10-11 playing games on my phone anxiety 8

11:30-12:00 went for a walk anxiety 8

12-15 cleaning the house anxiety 8

15-16 cooking, having lunch anxiety 8

16-17 fixing my dryer anxiety 9

17 crying  I took some ashwaganda ( I take it every now and than)

17- 21:30 I was resting and watching TV, around 19h I felt better for maybe 20 minutes 

21:30 took Magnesium and Melatonin anxiety 7

22:30 took Mirt 13,5mg anxiety 7

23:30 I feel asleep and my sleeping was bad with many dreams and many waking ups.

Feb, 15

8 woke up anxiety 9, DP/DR

 

 

 

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

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Hi,

I would just like to add more information about my day. 

 

Feb, 15

8 woke up anxiety 9 DP/DR, very tired 

9-10 my bf was very angry about the situation with Covid-19 and felt desperate because he can’t work, I was crying 

10-11 went out for a walk Anxiety 6 stil DP/DR

11-12 ate lunch Anxiety 6

12-13 house chores Anxiety 6

13-15 reading and posting on SA

15 cooking Anxiety 7

15-17 took Omega 3, sewing Anxiety 8

17-18 playing games Anxiety 9

20-21:30 watching TV Anxiety 7

21:30 took Magnesium and Melatonin 

Anxiety 6

22:30 took Mirt  reading a book Anxiety 6

23:30 fell asleep 

 

 

 

 

 

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

Link to comment

Another post about my day. 

 

Feb, 16

8 woke up after a really good night of sleep but still tired Anxiety 8

9-10 browsing fb, shower Anxiety 8

10-10:30 walking Anxiety 7

10:30-12 took 5-HTP playing games Anxiety 9

12-1:30 sewing, household chores Anxiety Anxiety 8

1:30-2:30 cooking, lunch Anxiety 7

2:30-18 crying, desperate, took Omega 3 Anxiety 9

18 reading and posting on SA Anxiety 7

19 cooking Anxiety 6

19-20 cooking, diner Anxiety 7

20-22:30 watching TV, Anxiety 8

21:30 Magnesium and Melatonin 

22:30 took Mirt 13,5, reading a book Anxiety 7

23:30 fell asleep 

Feb, 17

7:30 woke up after quite good night of sleep with vivid dreams Anxiety 8

8-9 browsing fb

9-10 visit my mother Anxiety 7

10:30-12:30 went for a long walk Anxiety 6

12:30-14:30 playing games Anxiety 8

14:30-16 cooking, lunch Anxiety 7

16-17 sewing Anxiety 8

 

It has been 5 days since I start tapering again and I sleep better. During the day I don’t feel much different as before, so I’m happy that I resumed my taper. 
Thank you for your support in my fight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

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Another day:

Feb, 17

17-18:30 browsing SA and posting, took Omega 3 Anxiety 7

18-22:30 Watching TV Anxiety 7

21:30 Magnesium and Melatonin 

22:30 Mirt 13,5

23:30 feet asleep 

 

Feb, 18

7 woke up, sleeping was not to good, vivid dreams and many wake ups Anxiety 8

8-9 took a shower and preparing for day Anxiety 8

9 took 5- HTP

9-19 went to the town and shopping all day with my bf Anxiety 7, after I ate lunch at 15, anxiety 8

19-21 came home and watched TV Anxiety 6

21:30-22:30 reading a book Anxiety 7

21:30 Melatonin and Magnesium 

22:30 Mirt 13,5

23 fell asleep 

 

Feb, 19

7 woke up, sleeping was not good, vivid dreams and many wake ups Anxiety 8

8-13 packing meat (just bought nice grass feed meat for couple of months)

Anxiety 7

13-15 sewing Anxiety 7

15-17 cooking, lunch, cleaning Anxiety 7

5-6 grocery shop Anxiety 6

6-7 took Omega 3, resting Anxiety 8

 

Hope I’m doing everything right with this reports about my day. I write only about my main symptom as you can see, because anxiety is  always present and quite high. I actually can’t ever relax, because of my OCD and racing thoughts. 
I have some other symptoms that are not so bothersome. 
The last three days I didn’t sleep well, but as long as I sleep I’m happy.

As you can see I’m quite active during my days, but that’s mostly because I force myself to stay busy. But I still can’t imagine that I would be able to work. I do some work at home  (sewing) to earn some money. From time to time I’m  also selling things on fb or by phone sale.

 I stopped taking some supplements as your advice was not to take too many. I run out of some, so I just stopped taking them. I no longer take GABA, vitamin B12, vitamin D.

 I only take 5- HTP in the morning, Omega 3 in the afternoon and Magnesium and Melatonin in the evening.

 I don’t drink coffee, alcohol and I’m trying to eat healthy (not much sugar, unhealthy oils, not much carbohydrates)

Please excuse me for my grammar mistakes, since English is not my native tongue.

Thank you for your precious support.

 

 

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

Link to comment

Please let me know if I should continue to post about my days.

 

Feb, 19

18-21:30 watching TV Anxiety 7

21:30 Magnesium and Melatonin 

22:30 Mirt 13,5 Anxiety 7

23:30 fell asleep 

 

Feb, 20

23-7:30 sleeping was broken with many vivid dreams and nightmares 

9 shower Anxiety 7

9:30 5-HTP

9:30-13 sewing Anxiety 6

13:30 walking Anxiety 6

14-18 resting and watching TV Anxiety 7, took Omega 3

19-21 visiting bf’s relatives Anxiety 4

(I actually had a window. First I didn’t want to go because I was feeling very tired and usually my anxiety gets really high when I’m socialising, but I decided to go anyway, because I want to do things that I would normally do. This time it was a good decision😊)

21-23:30 watching TV Anxiety 6

21:30 Magnesium and Melatonin 

22:30 Mirt 13,5

23:30 fell asleep while watching TV

24:00 went to bed

 

 

 

 

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

Link to comment

Feb, 21

7 woke up, sleeping quite well Anxiety 8

9:30 took a shower, 5- HTP

9:30-11 browsing SA Anxiety 8

11-13 cleaning the house Anxiety 6

13-14 relatives visit Anxiety 3

14-16 cooking Anxiety 7

16-17 watching TV  Anxiety 7

17-18 making love Anxiety 3

18-19 dinner Anxiety 6

19-21 watching TV Anxiety 6

21:30 Melatonin and Magnesium

22:30 Mirt 13,5

23 feel asleep 

 

Feb, 22

6 woke up early, sleep was broken Anxiety 8

9 Crying Anxiety 8

9:30 5- HTP 

9:30- 14 sewing Anxiety 6

15-16 cooking Anxiety 7

16-18 resting Anxiety 9

18-19 shopping Anxiety 7

19-22 watching TV Anxiety 7

21:30 Magnesium and Melatonin 

22:30 Mirt 13,5

22-23 reading a book Anxiety 7

23:30 fell asleep 

 

Feb, 23

6 woke up, sleeping not well, woke up many times 

9:30 5- HTP 

9-13 sewing Anxiety 6

13-13:30 walking Anxiety 6

14-16 selling on fb Anxiety 6

16-18 playing games Anxiety 6

18-19 resting Anxiety 6, headache 

19-23 watching TV Anxiety 6

21:30 Magnesium and Melatonin 

22:30 Mirt 13,5

23:30 fell asleep 

 

Feb, 24

7 sleeping quite well Anxiety 6

9:30 5-HTP 

9:30-12 selling on fb Anxiety 6

12-13 walking Anxiety 6

15 cooking Anxiety 6

15:30-17 dying my hair Anxiety 7,

17-23:30 watching Tv Anxiety 7

21:30 Magnesium and Melatonin 

22:30 Mirt 13,5

23 feet asleep 

I felt very depressed all day, some DP/DR

 

Feb, 25

7 woke up Anxiety 8

8 5-HTP 

8-19 spend all day in the capital, shopping Anxiety from 7-8

19-23 watching TV

21:30 Melatonin and Magnesium 

22:30 Mirt 13,5

23:00 fell asleep 

 

Feb, 26

6:30 sleeping was quite well Anxiety 8

9-11 household chores Anxiety 8

11-14 sewing Anxiety 6

14-14:20 walking Anxiety 6

15-16 Cooking Anxiety 7

16-18 sewing Anxiety 8

19-22 watching TV Anxiety , crying 

21:30 Magnesium and Melatonin 

22:30 Mirt 13,5

23 feel asleep 

 

Feb, 27

6:30 woke up Anxiety 9

9 shower Anxiety 8

9:30 5- HTP 

9-10 posting on SA Anxiety 8

 

Please send me some fit backs. 

 

 

 

 

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

Link to comment

Please help. I feel really bad. My anxiety in the last three days has been  very high like 9/10. Do you think that happened because of my last drop? I do sleep better, but during the day it’s just exhausting. I’m trying to find some comfort by reading the success stories and keep pushing through. But I can’t find any example when people would have anxiety 24/7 for such a long time. I feel I don’t have the power to fight this every day for so long. I have a strong desire to heal but not sure if there is hope for me anymore.

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

SA strongly encourages members to learn and use Non-drug techniques to cope

 

Sometimes all we can do is get through each day hour by hour and sometimes a moment at a time.

 

These might help:

 

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes) Female voice - getselfhelp.co.uk
 
Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes) Male voice - getselfhelp.co.uk
 
 
On 4/9/2020 at 10:31 AM, brassmonkey said:

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.  It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety.  The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain.  Making it so there is nothing we can do about them.  They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like.  They do, however, react very well to being ignored.  That's the concept behind AAF.  Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them.  Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can.  It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets.  What starts as generalized neuroemotinal anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

 

I often liken it to an unwanted house guest.  At first you talk to them, have conversations, communicate with them.  After a while you figure out that they aren't leaving and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them.  So you go on about your day, working around them until they get bored and leave.

 

It can take some practice, but AAF really does work.

 
 
Understanding what is happening in the body can help us to not be as scared of the symptoms.  When we are scared of the symptoms we can create more symptoms (from http://getselfhelp.co.uk/anxiety.htm😞
 
Image

  

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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6 hours ago, HopeD said:

Please help. I feel really bad. My anxiety in the last three days has been  very high like 9/10. Do you think that happened because of my last drop? I do sleep better, but during the day it’s just exhausting. I’m trying to find some comfort by reading the success stories and keep pushing through. But I can’t find any example when people would have anxiety 24/7 for such a long time. I feel I don’t have the power to fight this every day for so long. I have a strong desire to heal but not sure if there is hope for me anymore.

There's hope for a new u.Its not a fight.its accepting the present and getting through the hard times and waves.I would always celebrate when a window came.

I thought the same but I'm waaay better.

I had aka very bad back then

March-2017-Dec-2017 ativanCT /reinstated ativan 1mg tapered 2 months/June 2017-April 2018 zyprexa 10mg switched to seroquel 200-300mg in april 2018/dec-2017-present zoloft 100mg/ quit seroquel 200-300mg cold turkey May 6 2018 reinstated seroquel 100mg around May 25 2018 since then tapered to 50mg zoloft and 50 mg of seroquel presently other medications Testosterone cypionate 2oomg every 4 days

UPDATE -August 20 2018--october 20 2018 tapered off Testosterone/Nov 7 2018 --Dec 20 2018 Lamictal micro dose 2.50mg 1 1/2 weeks then reduced to 1.25 then fast tapered as it became paridoxial.nausea- racing thoughts- agitation and insomnia.

August 28 2018 to Present Cannabis indica micro dose PM bedtime only.

Presently Seroquel 37.5 mg bedtime /Zoloft 47mg morning

May 2018-Present Multivitamin/ Bcomplex/Vit C 1000MG/B12 1000MCG/Fish oils 2grams/

Jan 2019-Trace mineral liquid low dose

Update dec 2019 -29mg of zoloft tapering/Seroquel 37.5 holding/1 or 2  ativan 1mg a month as needed if that.

Black seed oil-caprylic acid-/b complex/b12/multi/D/E/melatonin

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RusTW@ thank you for your encouraging words. I’m trying my best and I’m certain of it. I believe that better days will come, but right now it’s very difficult. I know I have to endure. 
So happy that you feel better. 

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

Link to comment

Hello HopeD,

I've just found your story. I am sorry that you have been suffering for this long. I know how hard can the anxiety feel, It is like It comes inside your muscles, your skin, your thoughts... 

10 hours ago, HopeD said:

the success stories and keep pushing through. But I can’t find any example when people would have anxiety 24/7 for such a long time. I

The thing is, I don't think you will find the same story repeated. All of us are different, so you wont find 2 same stories in here. I understand you, because sometimes I compare myself to others,too. 

Does EPsom salts work for you? For me that and hot water in general is one of the only things that seems to calm me down a little.

P.s. sorry for my English, is not my first language:)

 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

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almuPA@,

thank you to remind me not to compare myself with others.

 I don’t have a tub to take Epsom salt baths, but thanks anyway.

I’m trying to practice acceptance as much as I can.

Sometimes it works, sometimes I just try to survive the day.

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

Link to comment

@HopeD

I am sorry I could not have a better suggestion. But you are so right, acceptance is the best thing we can practice at the moment(even thought sometimes is not easy). I am here to read you:)

 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

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  • 1 month later...

Worsening of my symptoms😔

Since my last cut my symptoms got much worse. I’m totally paralysed by the fear. 
10 days ago I went to the dentist for my tooth extraction and they gave me local anaesthesia. After that I had to took antibiotics. 
Pure OCD is out of control since than. My intrusive thoughts has become all consuming. I can hardly do anything else besides thinking about my OCD thoughts. It’s existential OCD. I’m trying really hard to distract myself but the fear is so intense. 
I know you can’t help me much with the suggestions how to help myself, because I know how to react to OCD but right now nothing is helping. When I try to ignore the thoughts I start to control everything that I say and want to control all my thoughts, which makes me even more anxious.

 I just need some words of encouragement that things will get better. My suffering has been so long and now after such a long struggle things got even worse. It’s just too much to handle. 
I’m in a safe place. I have my mother and my partner taking care of me, so there is much I can be grateful for.

 I know I’m a fighter because I came so far but for the last couple of weeks my suffering has become unbearable.

Hope everyone is doing well and those of you who are suffering right now, be brave and keep the hope of the healing alive.

Love you all.

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

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  • 2 weeks later...

I just need to vent.

I really struggle since I got local anaesthesia and  took antibiotics. It has been more than two weeks. My OCD is totally out of control. Every thought triggers me. Most of the days I feel only fear. Nothing can comfort me. I just wait for this storm to pass so I will be able to fight again. I can’t cry, most of the time I just lay on my couch.Hopping for some short window just to ease everything. 😪

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

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On 5/7/2021 at 8:56 PM, HopeD said:

I just need to vent.

I really struggle since I got local anaesthesia and  took antibiotics. It has been more than two weeks. My OCD is totally out of control. Every thought triggers me. Most of the days I feel only fear. Nothing can comfort me. I just wait for this storm to pass so I will be able to fight again. I can’t cry, most of the time I just lay on my couch.Hopping for some short window just to ease everything. 😪

Hi HopeD,

 

Believe me when I say I can totally empathise, ocd thoughts suck so much and even though you know intellectually that they are irrational you can’t seem to kick them. You are not alone!

Try and remember this too shall pass and focus on something, anything else, sometimes all I can do is have a show on in the background like a renovation or fixer upper type show and try to focus on that (easier said than done I know), or I will message friends/family just asking what they are up to and how their day is going just for that moment of distraction. 

We have to just take it one day at a time and try not to think too far ahead which is what our anxious brain makes us do.

Sending hugs and positive vibes ☺️

2000 - Aropax, Zoloft and other various ssri's 

2008?? - Lovan 40mg
2016 Nov - Mirtazapine 15mg after failed Lovan fast taper (didn’t know better)

2017 Dec - Started slow taper - 2019 July 0.5mg (crashed)

2019 July - Mirtazapine 15mg reinstated

2019 Aug - Started Vortioxetine 20mg and stopped Lovan 40mg

2019 Nov 3rd - Stopped Vortioxetine and went back up to 40mg Lovan and holding

2020 Sep - Windows and waves.... still holding on 15mg Mirtazapine and 40mg Lovan

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Thank you @Phoenix1111for the encouraging words. 

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

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  • 4 weeks later...

I really don’t know what to do. Since my last drop and antibiotics I just feel terrible every day for one month and a half. OCD is uncontrollable, anxiety unbearable and now depression kicked in. DP/DR most of the time. It’s so difficult to just survive. Nothing calms me down. I feel like I don’t have any more energy left to fight. I really don’t know what happened. Before I was able to manage the symptoms somehow but now it’s just hell.

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

Link to comment
On 6/1/2021 at 3:56 PM, HopeD said:

I really don’t know what to do. Since my last drop and antibiotics I just feel terrible every day for one month and a half. OCD is uncontrollable, anxiety unbearable and now depression kicked in. DP/DR most of the time. It’s so difficult to just survive. Nothing calms me down. I feel like I don’t have any more energy left to fight. I really don’t know what happened. Before I was able to manage the symptoms somehow but now it’s just hell.

So sorry to hear you are having a tough time, I know how horrible it feels 😔

I was just looking at your signature and it looks like you may have tapered too quickly.
Have you thought of maybe reinstating to the last dose you were on before your last reduction or possibly even reinstate a little more than that since some of your cuts were pretty big, it might help things to feel a bit more manageable.
 

I also have a failed attempt from weaning off of Mirtazapine back in 2018/2019 and the tiniest reduction can have a HUGE impact especially once you get lower in your dosage, I wish i had known this then, i could have saved myself a lot of pain and time.

 

Let us know how you are doing 🙂

2000 - Aropax, Zoloft and other various ssri's 

2008?? - Lovan 40mg
2016 Nov - Mirtazapine 15mg after failed Lovan fast taper (didn’t know better)

2017 Dec - Started slow taper - 2019 July 0.5mg (crashed)

2019 July - Mirtazapine 15mg reinstated

2019 Aug - Started Vortioxetine 20mg and stopped Lovan 40mg

2019 Nov 3rd - Stopped Vortioxetine and went back up to 40mg Lovan and holding

2020 Sep - Windows and waves.... still holding on 15mg Mirtazapine and 40mg Lovan

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Dear @Phoenix1111!

Thank you for taking your time to answering me.

I was thinking about reinstating for sure, but I would like to hold a little bit longer. I’m far out from three weeks window for reinstating so not sure if it’s going to ease things in any way. 
I’m pretty sure that the antibiotics caused this seat back, although we can never be sure. 
Insomnia is taking the toll right now as well. I’m so depressed that I have to force myself to get out of my bed and to take a shower and to eat something.
Trying to do my best to survive. It has been such a long fight for me and sometimes I feel I don’t have the energy to keep pushing myself but on the other hand I know how nice it is to live and experience all the good things in life and I want that back so I don’t want to give up.

Thanks to all who are supporting me. 

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

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  • 2 weeks later...

I have the same condition hope. The ocd thoughts just consume my mind and I get to a place of derealization that gets so bad I fell I’m not even really here. It’s such a deep dark spiral. It’s the reason I went on medication to begin with. I am fighting and trying so hard to label my thoughts for what they are, my brain looking for a reason to be scared, so it creates one. And when I feel good, not depressed or anxious, these same thoughts do not have the same effect, so I know it’s just my depressed brain lying to me. 
 

how are you feeling today? 

 

*Currently at 8.2-8.5 mg of my 10mg pill of Paxil (they actually weigh 12.5mg) 

january 2023 I began reducing my med again. I was a 9mg weight for years, I went to 8.9 in January, went to 8.6mg in February, and in March 2023 I went down to 8.5-8.2 mg ( my scale varies, so I stick within that .3 range because of that) 

*No other supplements or vitamins 

*Taper schedule in the pdf 

Blank.pdf

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-5vShtJtwAOGA30OxIP87steLmMdFzD29F0fzAPD564

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Hi @Vonnegutjunky

So sorry to hear you have the same problem as I. It’s a terrible condition.

 I feel the same most of my days. I’m fighting and hopping that things will calm down eventually. 
As you said the OCD thoughts are not so important when you are not anxious or depressed. I have some windows when that happens to me as well, but they are short lived, because I feel anxious most of the time. 

 I hope things get better for both of us. I’m trying very hard every day.

Stay strong 💪 🤗

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

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I am relatively new to the forums and I also don’t have years of experience of using antidepressants(ads) but what i can tell you is about my experience, which should give you enough will power to pull yourself through no matter how hard or how deep you are in. It all began in Jan 21 with stomach flu/diverticulitis which put me on bed with swollen tummy and 0 sleep for 2 months. Only confirming after my colonoscopy that I don’t have cancer the doctor gave me antibiotics which I took and all my tummy symptoms were gone in March. But by then it was too late as my sleep was completely ruined by Amitriptyline/zolpidem and I was having anxiety/panic attacks every moment and I can tell you it was so bad that I was thinking that I am going to die all the time. After trying for one whole month to sleep on my own with no sleep aid (and no sleep in March) I was thinking of dying from Insomnia and accepted the fact that I need some medical help although I was quite reluctant. I had to take Mirtazapine as it has sedating side effect which you use as well for sleep. The doctor gave me 15mg but I started with 3.75mg(quarter dose) and I felt all the symptoms you described for 8 wks but persevered on the same dose even after being asked by my doctor to increase the dosage and take Escitalopram during the day as well to cope with all the symptoms. Now I am used to Mirtz 3.75mg and the dosage and the anxiety/panic attack symptoms frequency has also been reduced but not gone completely. I do sleep now but it is drug induced and only give me 4-5 hrs with some very awful sleepless nights so I am trying to look for ways like Homeopathic/Herbal meds to sort out my Insomnia and get rid of this horrible antidepressant business. So my point is that increasing the dosage might have caused more damage rather than giving me any benefit on top. I have read numerous posts and comments and stories about horrible experiences of people with these meds that I decided from the very beginning that I am going to stick to the lowest possible dose and then slowly wean off when my body tells me to. So my advise to you is that listen to your body and slowly wean them off 5-10%(take 6-8 wks between each drop) and as you get to a reduced dose like mine (3.75 mg) keep dropping and one day I assure you your anxiety will be totally gone. One of the side affects of Mirtz I experienced is anxiety when you change the dosage or you start after stopping. So you have to hang in there   as it looks to me that at such a dosage (yours is 10.8 mg I believe) the med is supposed to be working on Serotonin levels in your brain but its clearly not as you are still suffering from high anxiety. So its better to wean off gently rather than carrying on with the nasty drug, which might probably be the cause of your anxiety. Hope this would help you. 

Mirtazapine - 3.75mg orodispersible tab since 26 Mar 2021

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Hi @AddyA

I’m sorry to hear about your suffering. Insomnia is something terrible. Hope that things will improve for you and your sleep will get back to normal. I’m sure that will happen, just hold on.

Thank you so much for taking your time to write me some very  encouraging words. 
I want to get rid of Mirt as well as I’m aware that this is a nasty drug and as you said maybe the cause of my anxiety. 
During my taper I didn’t have any stabilisation so it’s very hard to listen to my body with reduction. First I went very fast and was then holding for 9 months but symptoms didn’t improve much so I decided to taper again. I’m going down by 10% and was holding for 2 months the last time because my anxiety became unbearable to the point of dread.

Two days ago I dropped again because the symptoms became a bit more bearable. 
It’s the worst experience of my life but I’m still here and still fighting. 
Stay strong 💪 

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

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It’s so interesting to hear of your experiences with Mirtazapine, I am sending my thoughts and encouragement for you to get through this process.

It’s  weird cos my experience with Mirtazapine has been the complete opposite, it was the one medication that worked really well for me and made it possible for me to work again but unfortunately it has made me gain a heap of weight and is now affecting my physical health so another one bites the dust I guess. I’m so frustrated cos I just can’t lose weight while on it 😔

Once I stabilise from a cold turkey from a different med I will have to try my second attempt at weaning off the Mirtazapine but who knows when that will be 🙄

Anyway we are all trying our best to get through a really difficult situation and that’s all we can do, so hang in there everyone!

 

2000 - Aropax, Zoloft and other various ssri's 

2008?? - Lovan 40mg
2016 Nov - Mirtazapine 15mg after failed Lovan fast taper (didn’t know better)

2017 Dec - Started slow taper - 2019 July 0.5mg (crashed)

2019 July - Mirtazapine 15mg reinstated

2019 Aug - Started Vortioxetine 20mg and stopped Lovan 40mg

2019 Nov 3rd - Stopped Vortioxetine and went back up to 40mg Lovan and holding

2020 Sep - Windows and waves.... still holding on 15mg Mirtazapine and 40mg Lovan

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Hi @Phoenix1111!

My experience with Mirtazapine at the beginning was also great . It helped me sleep so well after a long battle with insomnia, but after 5 months it all  begun to spiral down for me. I was already in WD from other drugs so it’s hard to tell what was the reason. My story is very complicated so we can’t compare. We are all different.

Hope you can find the best way for you.

Take care😊

 

1997-1998 Amitriptilin CT

2001-2017 Paxil 20mg 

2017-2018 Prozac 20 mg

2018 Sept - Nov Sertaline 100 mg, Mirtazapine 45, Nov Sertaline CT 

2019 May Sertaline 150, Mirtazapine 45, Loranzapine 0,5 ;Aug  Paxil 30, Oct Sertaline 100

2020 Nov Paxil 30,Feb Paxil 20,Mar Paxil 10 mg, April Paxil CT, Mirt 45

2020 20/4 Mirtazapine 30 mg, 28/4 22,5 mg,30/5 15 mg

2021 13/2 Mirtazapine 13,5mg, 13/3 12mg, 10/4 10,8mg 19/6 9,7mg

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Thanks @HopeD, I hope you start having more good days and less waves! 😊

2000 - Aropax, Zoloft and other various ssri's 

2008?? - Lovan 40mg
2016 Nov - Mirtazapine 15mg after failed Lovan fast taper (didn’t know better)

2017 Dec - Started slow taper - 2019 July 0.5mg (crashed)

2019 July - Mirtazapine 15mg reinstated

2019 Aug - Started Vortioxetine 20mg and stopped Lovan 40mg

2019 Nov 3rd - Stopped Vortioxetine and went back up to 40mg Lovan and holding

2020 Sep - Windows and waves.... still holding on 15mg Mirtazapine and 40mg Lovan

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  • 8 months later...

Hi @HopeD, It’s been quite a while since you posted. Hope you are feeling better. Please let us know how your taper is going. I for myself have stopped taking Mirt last year in November and undergoing WD/discontinuation. It is terrible and debilitating at times even after 4 months but I am trying my best to manage it without any medication. Praying for you and asking the same for me. 

Mirtazapine - 3.75mg orodispersible tab since 26 Mar 2021

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