MarieR Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 Hello all, I'll be two years off escitalopram next month. I've been in isolation for a year due to Covid and have had difficult symptoms, both emotionally and physically. I focus on body symptoms and my brain goes crazy imagining all the awful diseases I could have, the focus makes the sensations worse and the cycle continues. I also ride a daily emotional roller coaster...tears, fear, anxiety and then I'll have a few hours of relative normalcy. I've been managing this through believing that I'm still healing from the meds and that I will continue to get better as time goes on. Last week I had a casual conversation with a psychiatrist who is not a fan of meds, but he did tell me he didn't believe that I would still be experiencing withdrawal. His comment really caused me a lot of stress. So, is this how I'll be the rest of my life? It almost makes me want to go back on meds as I can't imagine continuing how I feel indefinitely. Any thoughts? Thanks, Lynn MarieR started 20 mg escitalopram 2011 failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off) back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014 began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019 Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks Off meds Mar. 7, 2019 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted February 27, 2021 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 27, 2021 The fact that you have been experiencing periods when you feel fairly normal is an excellent sign. To read the full context of the following except see Post #1 of what-is-happening-in-your-brain On 12/27/2015 at 6:37 AM, Altostrata said: It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were [...] to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and [...] to work in the building! You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while [...] is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves. The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made. See also: Video: Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery And: are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted February 27, 2021 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 27, 2021 Even though sometimes fear and anxiety are withdrawal symptoms, it is important to understand that we can ADD fear and anxiety. Check out the diagram on this page: http://getselfhelp.co.uk/anxiety.htm 2 hours ago, MarieR said: I focus on body symptoms and my brain goes crazy imagining all the awful diseases I could have, the focus makes the sensations worse and the cycle continues. My suggestion would be to learn Non-drug techniques. A couple of things which you might find helpful are doing relaxation throughout the day and also gathering some distractions so that when you notice the cycle happening divert your attention away from it. My daughter suggested to me that I set a reminder to go off at intervals throughout the day and "check in with myself" to see how I am feeling. That way it can easier to "nip it in the bud" before it takes hold of you. The relaxation part doesn't have to be a full on exercise each time. Just sitting and taking some deep breaths whilst concentrating on them, or getting up and looking out of the window to look at a tree or the clouds or the cars driving past. Anything that will get your mind thinking outside of your body. I have difficulty at night with "monkey chatter" and I listen to an audio book to help distract my mind. * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarieR Posted February 27, 2021 Author Share Posted February 27, 2021 Thank you so much for all of this! The part that was hardest was for him to say that I couldn't be in withdrawal anymore. Isn't it possible that it could take longer than 2 years to do all that rebuilding? MarieR started 20 mg escitalopram 2011 failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off) back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014 began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019 Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks Off meds Mar. 7, 2019 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted February 28, 2021 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 28, 2021 Unfortunately there are not many medical professionals who understand about psychiatric drugs and the adverse reactions, side effects and withdrawal from them. They get their information/training about them from the pharmaceutical companies (see the links at the bottom - Gwen Olsen was a pharma rep for 15 years). So his response is definitely not unusual That is why SA exists, is a busy forum and has such a great number of members from all over the world. I suggest that you listen to Altostrata's recent (end of 2020) podcast interview: INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder protracted-withdrawal-or-paws-post-acute-withdrawal-syndrome-how-long-does-it-last When I was talking to my own general doctor (who has been in practice since the early 1980s about withdrawing off psychiatric drugs, I made the comment that probably most people can get off with no issues. I was so glad that I was looking directly at him, otherwise I may have missed /misheard his response, because after I said this he slowly shook his head and very quietly said "not many". This is an "interesting" (horrifyingly so in some cases) topic: the-worst-of-doctors-threadstatements-that-defy-belief But we also have this topic: best-of-sa-favourite-advice-and-insights Interview: Confessions of an Rx Drug Pusher (51 minutes Gwen Olsen - ex pharmaceutical representative) Video: Ex-Big Pharma Rep: We’re Trained To Misinform -The Drugs ARE Dangerous (6 minute video) Video: Ex-Big Pharma Rep: Manipulating Doctors to Sell More Drugs (10 minute video) * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarieR Posted February 28, 2021 Author Share Posted February 28, 2021 Thanks again! I'll start looking at all of this. Much appreciated! MarieR started 20 mg escitalopram 2011 failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off) back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014 began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019 Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks Off meds Mar. 7, 2019 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted February 28, 2021 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 28, 2021 You are welcome. Understanding what is happening can help to reduce the fear. One of the members wrote that it took her a while to accept the waves when they happened: On 8/23/2020 at 3:00 AM, Brooke said: I'd say it took about a year for me to feel "in control" of the waves. And by that I mean that they didn't scare me anymore, and my attitude was more of "put on your seatbelt, here we go again" rather than "oh no, what if this never ends and this is who I am forever?" Once I accepted them as part of the situation, they didn't have as much of a handle on me and I was able to work and live through them in a more productive and nurturing way. 1 * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nevertoolate Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 I'm in the same boat 😔 it's been over two years and I also have times of considering going back on. I wonder if I'm really mentally damaged and it's not just withdrawal any more. I'm in a pretty bad wave now. I hate my life I'm always comparing it to others and wish I could be "normal" I know I need to make changes but I have zero motivation or energy. It's like being dead inside. I'm crying now just writing this. Lexapro 10MG Almost continually for 25 odd years Reduced to 5MG beginning July 2018- end August 2018 August 2018 til now off completely Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarieR Posted February 28, 2021 Author Share Posted February 28, 2021 8 hours ago, Nevertoolate said: I'm in the same boat 😔 it's been over two years and I also have times of considering going back on. I wonder if I'm really mentally damaged and it's not just withdrawal any more. I'm in a pretty bad wave now. I hate my life I'm always comparing it to others and wish I could be "normal" I know I need to make changes but I have zero motivation or energy. It's like being dead inside. I'm crying now just writing this. I am crying just reading this. It's one of the things that I do all the time now. Sigh. Put on my boots, cry. See a commercial, cry. Think about the future, cry. And I get that feeling dead inside. Yup, going through the motions, but not feeling alive. But we are. So, we focus on just this day and know we'll get through it. I'm there with you, and wishing you lightning for your wave. Much love. MarieR started 20 mg escitalopram 2011 failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off) back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014 began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019 Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks Off meds Mar. 7, 2019 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nevertoolate Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 19 minutes ago, MarieR said: I am crying just reading this. It's one of the things that I do all the time now. Sigh. Put on my boots, cry. See a commercial, cry. Think about the future, cry. And I get that feeling dead inside. Yup, going through the motions, but not feeling alive. But we are. So, we focus on just this day and know we'll get through it. I'm there with you, and wishing you lightning for your wave. Much love. I wish I could give you a big hug. I'm sure we would have a good cry together but that would be OK because we understand each other and everyone who's struggling. All the best to you on your journey xx Lexapro 10MG Almost continually for 25 odd years Reduced to 5MG beginning July 2018- end August 2018 August 2018 til now off completely Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarieR Posted February 28, 2021 Author Share Posted February 28, 2021 Just now, Nevertoolate said: I wish I could give you a big hug. I'm sure we would have a good cry together but that would be OK because we understand each other and everyone who's struggling. All the best to you on your journey xx Please stay in touch. It helps more than I can say to know that I'm not alone in this. Thank you again for reaching out! MarieR started 20 mg escitalopram 2011 failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off) back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014 began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019 Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks Off meds Mar. 7, 2019 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nevertoolate Posted February 28, 2021 Share Posted February 28, 2021 17 minutes ago, MarieR said: Please stay in touch. It helps more than I can say to know that I'm not alone in this. Thank you again for reaching out! I know it does for sure 🐝🐞🌸🌹🌺🌈 Lexapro 10MG Almost continually for 25 odd years Reduced to 5MG beginning July 2018- end August 2018 August 2018 til now off completely Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mentor Brooke Posted March 5, 2021 Mentor Share Posted March 5, 2021 On 2/27/2021 at 7:25 PM, Nevertoolate said: I'm in the same boat 😔 it's been over two years and I also have times of considering going back on. I wonder if I'm really mentally damaged and it's not just withdrawal any more. I'm in a pretty bad wave now. I hate my life I'm always comparing it to others and wish I could be "normal" I know I need to make changes but I have zero motivation or energy. It's like being dead inside. I'm crying now just writing this. It may also be time to start (if you haven't already) going in for some intentional emotional work with a therapist, counselor, reiki master, etc. My feeling on this is that WD brings up so much of our old stuff but because we've been "protected" so long from the drugs, our mind/system does not know how to release it. Learning to process all that was coming up, regardless of whether it was due to withdrawal or life circumstance (or both), was key to my recovery. We have a real tendency to fight everything that comes up because it brings shame and defeat when in reality, our bodies are asking us to face it and process it. Effexor XR 37.5mg and Wellbutrin XL 150mg from age 15-30 (2001-2016). Hell withdrawal. Drug free (and happy) since 2016. I am the founder Happiness Is A Skill, a weekly newsletter dedicated to helping people heal from depression by learning the skill of happiness. Join hundreds of others and subscribe here: http://learnhappy.brookesiem.com/ I wrote this for the The Washington Post: I spent half my life on antidepressants. Today, I'm off the medication and I feel all right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoomSiva Posted August 15, 2022 Share Posted August 15, 2022 Hello guys, I know this post been over a year but I'm hoping I can get a answer from you. I really like to know if things got better for you?? I been reading you both (MarieR and Nevertolate) and you guys took the words out my mouth I couldn't express it better then this. It's been 2 years since I'm off Cipralex and my life is a mess right now, i also ride a daily emotional roller-coaster, cry, fear and anxiety. 2004-2010 on antidepressant i tried many kind; Paxil 20mg, Wellbutrin 100mg, Celexca 20-30mg, Effexor 37.5, Seroquel 200-250mg. Between 2004-2010 i moved a lot and different towns and provinces so i consulted 4-5 doctors and was not really followed by any of them. 2010-2015 off meds cold turkey, I slept for 3-4 months and my mom's basement I don't think I ever really recovered from it. June/2015 I spent 6 weeks in hospital. June2015 back on meds Lexapro20mg, Seroquel 25-50mg, i never really felt well after my hospitalization. June/2016 detox fasting of 11 days in Thailand, I stop seroquel. Jan/2017 I went to India for a year and June/2017 tried a quick taper and became really unstable, very anxious and depressed so august/2017 back on lexapro 20mg. 1/Dec/ 2018 quick taper - Dec/31/2018 off Lexapro, Jan/30/2019 reinstate Lexapro 5mg, 15/april/2019 back on 20mg lexapro 24/oct/2019 start seroquel 25mg major anxiety. 1/feb/2020 stop seroquel. April/2020 i start taping Lexapro to 10mg June/16/2020 down 5mg - July/2020 down 2.5mg august/2020 till now off lexapro. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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