checkmate: off St John's Wort for 6 years - no ADs

[checkmate]

Original title:  Long overdue intro topic (6 years off antidepressants)

 

Hey everybody, 

 

So I'm a long time lurker on this site but have never really fully engaged and to be honest, I'm slightly embarrassed and disappointed that I'm at a point after 6 years off antidepressants that I need to reach out for advice. There have been many points over the last 2-3 years that I probably would have said I'm "healed" while being in an extended window. That's not the case as I'm still having waves and currently trying to negotiate how to get 100% better. Sometimes I feel like that may never happen.

 

Background: I was never on a prescription antidepressant but instead started taking OTC St. John's Wort in 2011 while struggling with an array of personal issues that ultimately led to me having symptoms consistent with chronic fatigue syndrome. Overall, I just felt like **** and started trying a multitude of different OTC supplements and vitamins to help feel better. (was always turned off by prescription meds) Anyway, St. Johns Wort had pretty positive effects from what I could tell, as I used it and a program for chronic fatigue called Gupta Amygdala Retraining to feel tremendously better over the next 4 years. By 2015, I had some semblance of a normal life and was doing better than I had in a long time.

 

In 2015, I had what I would call "poop out" and I no longer had the mental clarity and functioning I once had. I was convinced it was the meds so started to play around with dosages over the next few months to try and get things back to where they were. This included going off cold turkey for a period of a month or so. Nothing worked, so ultimately I went back to my original dosage for a period of about 2 months, until finally growing so frustrated that I decided to go off SJW for good, forever. I took a 2 week trip to Europe shortly after this and had an amazing time. I thought things were looking up but this ultimately turned out to be the common "honeymoon" period while by body digested the last of the medication I was on. 

 

About 1-2 months after quitting cold turkey, I began developing symptoms consistent with those that are often discussed on this site. Not sure it's worth it to into detail but obviously this began a very agonizing and hellish period that I would say I'm still in today.

 

Having said that, my baseline today is leaps and bounds better than a year ago and if I try and think objectively about it, there has been a somewhat linear path towards recovery that's taken place. My life viewed by many from the outside would probably be described as ideal as I have a successful business, a good relationship with family and friends, and the flexibility to do as I please for the most part. I think the trouble arises when I continue to deal with symptoms that have plagued me for years with no obvious end in sight. The worst of these are inconsistent moods and inability to handle exercise or even sex. Prolonged periods of stress ultimately lead to a "reset" and I continuously find myself being setback and dealing with things I thought I had long overcome. It is not obvious when I am feeling well what will end up causing these "resets" but inevitably, they happen. 

 

I would say I oscillate from being about 50% - 85% recovered, with most of my time coasting in 70%, which may sound not so bad to many - however, I have glimpses of what my life could look like if I were fully recovered and it is indescribably frustrating to continually suffer setbacks that leave me doubting that I will ever reaching what I would consider a "normal" life.

 

I saw a therapist for about 4-5 months at the beginning of this year, hoping that would put me over the top but it just made things worse as the focus of the sessions ended up me venting about the frustrations of dealing with my symptoms with no way to stop them. 

 

I also recently tried fish oil again for the first time in a long time as it's virtues are extolled on this site and had a very odd experience. Some days, I felt better than I ever had and was convinced that fish oil was what I was missing. Other days, it made me feel very odd and in many cases in a worse mood with less reliability than I had when off it. I ended up taking a very small dosage for over a week and then ultimately stopping it. This led to a huge "reset" and has now put me into a worse headspace than I've been in a long time. I would almost describe fish oil as feeling very similar to what I remember SJW feeling like with very clear antidepressant effects, and I wonder if I'm now going throw another little mini withdrawal. I'm also not totally convinced that I shouldn't try it again. 

 

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on Thursday to discuss what my options might be. I would say that I'm open to reinstating SJW if that's what it's going to take to get to where I'm 90% - 100% better.

 

This ended up being much longer than I anticipated but I would appreciate any feedback the more experienced members of this site might have. 

 

Edited September 19, 2022 by ChessieCat
added topic title before reducing original

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @checkmate

 

Thanks for joining our community. Unfortunately, we do not have a lot of experience with St. John's wort. It is not a regulated pharmaceutical and the product quality may vary, so we cannot even be sure what it was you were taking. It seems you were also taking other supplements, perhaps 5-HTP, that may have adversely affected you off and on.

 

If you go to a psychiatrist, they are likely to prescribe a pharmaceutical rather than St. John's wort, for this reason.

 

If you drink alcohol occasionally, you may be setting yourself back, and this might be the cause of the variation in your symptom pattern. Or it could be some other lifestyle issue.

 

All I can do is suggest the usual low-impact non-drug techniques to support recovery: Good fresh food, minimal sugar and artificial additives, good hydration, regular gentle exercise, regular sleep, and no alcohol. 

 

You're already familiar with fish oil, you might find magnesium supplements helpful, see

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you. Please let us know how you’re doing.