GrievingFirefly Posted September 26, 2022 Posted September 26, 2022 Hello to everyone reading this. I have been lurking and reading on SA for the last 4 years or so, on and off. I have been on SSRI's (first Zoloft and then Lexapro) for about 20 years now. I have also been polydrugged with benzos and trazodone. I know these drugs are garbage, or I would have felt better by now. Instead I've felt worse, more and more sick, more and more fatigued. The child psychiatrist (!!!) who first prescribed Zoloft to me, when I was 17.5 years old, fed me the garbage information that it would benefit my brain to be on these meds. No one gave me a plan or timeline for how or when to get off. Back in 2011 I tried a fast taper by myself. It led to a horrendous crash that was hell. Feeling desperate and suicidal, I went to a psychiatrist as I didn't know of any other option. That's when I was put on Lexapro- I've been on it since then. Since then, traumas have been compounding. I entered a psychologically abusive marriage and then found the courage to leave and divorce. But the toll of the marriage was an increase of 2 psychotropic drugs (Klonopin and Trazodone). Through painstaking efforts, I have cut down to 0.5 mg Diazepam instead of Klonopin. I am a survivor of childhood emotional neglect and intergenerational trauma. I believe that my family idolized whatever MDs say as a cover for dealing with cultural/historical trauma and loss. Both my mother and I were drugged by psychiatry/family practice doctors as that's the false ideology we were ruled by. I have begun to wake up from this ideology and instead believe that our psychospiritual crises needed other resolutions (a return to the land? making art, literature, music? connection and community instead of workism?) I am tired, sad, and full of grief. I have had many non death and also death losses (abuse, divorce, circumstantial infertility, death of my mom, loss of friendships once I divorced). But I also have had mystical experiences, love poetry and wish to write poetry but am currently full of writer's block, I sing, and ironically enough have begun the process of becoming a clinician myself. This has been a fraught decision as I struggle to work within harming systems. If I ever succeed in becoming drug free, I want to have part of my practice be helping others to undertake this journey. Thank you for reading so far. I am inspired by the brave warriors on this site who are listening to their own wisdom and taking this arduous, lonely, painful but important journey. Put on Zoloft in late 2002 at almost 18 years of age. Was never told to get off the drug by the dumbass child psychiatrist who I know hate forever, and was given mistaken information of how I needed to stay off of it. Tapered off very fast (a few month taper) in summer of 2011 (about an 8.5 year history). Had an amazing month in Costa Rica drug free. Crashed fall of 2011 (passive suicidal ideation, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably during the date, insomnia, severe crying spells, doom, derealization) and was put on Lexapro and a benzo (I think Lorazepam). Was so afraid of repeating that so I stayed on Lexapro but tapered off the benzo very fast (a month). Entered abusive marriage in 2015 and started having unbearable symptoms such as burning arms and body, insomnia, deep depression, and anxiety. I felt I had no supportive environment to talk about the abuse, and instead went to a PCP for medical relief: I was put on Klonopin (1 mg a day, I think) and Trazodone (50 mg a day) by PCP in early 2016. Unsuccessful too-fast Klonopin taper 2017-2018 (jumped off at 0.125 mg at psychiatrists' urging me to do a fast taper) and went back on it late 2018. Been tapering off Klonopin since 2020 (Divorce process underway) and much later, switched to diazepam. Switched from 0.0625 mg Klonopin to 2 mg Diazepam around September 2021. Tapered Diazepam from September 2021-August 2022. As of August 2022, been taking around 0.5 mg Diazepam. But I did something foolish and temporarily went back on expired crushed powdered Clonazepam for a month or so because I was afraid of running out of Diazepam. (I say around because I was using a liquid formulation, then the liquid formulation is no longer being produced by manufacturer, and I am cutting/crushing pills). As of October 2022, here are my drugs and dosages: Lexapro 10 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg. As of February 2023: Lexapro 9 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg April 18th, 2023: Updosed to 9.2 Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg July 3rd, 2023: 10 mg Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 1 mg (updose); Dates I took Propranalol plus dosages: July 22nd (40 mg), July 17th (40 mg), June 29th (20 mg), June 16th (20 mg), May 20th (5 mg)
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 2, 2022 Moderator Emeritus Posted October 2, 2022 Hi GrievingFirefly and welcome aboard, Thank you for getting your signature done. I am glad to hear you are on the quest to get drug free one day. Sorry to hear of the present tired, sad, and full of grief feelings and emotions right now. Fairly normal response to some tough times for you, so hang on. It will get better. Here at SA, we often will suggest members taper off their benzo's last, as sometimes they can and do provide a bit of a buffer to WD(withdrawal) symptoms. How have you fared with the cross from clonazepam(Klonopin) to Valium 0.5 mg.......any WD symptoms of note? Taking multiple psych drugs? Which drug to taper first? Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's withdrawal symptom checklist You'll find a PDF you can download in the first post, that notes many of the WD symptoms for both AD's(antidepressants) and benzo's. The 10% or less taper recommendation is a harm reduction approach to going off psychiatric drugs. Why taper by 10% of my dosage? Tips for tapering off Lexapro(escitalopram) Tips for tapering off Trazodone Would you plug your current drugs into the interaction checker at Drugs.com and then please copy and paste the results here in a reply, or give us the link to those results. Thank you. More about why taper, and WD syndrome, sometimes protracted WD syndrome: Brain Remodelling What is withdrawal syndrome. The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization When we take medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. The CNS likes stability. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur. And sleep is really important during withdrawal. We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) This is your introduction/journal page where you have now introduced yourself to the community, you can ask questions here regarding your tapering, give updates, and just keep a record of your journey. Welcome, welcome, Love, peace, healing, and growth, manymoretodays(mmt) Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022, and again finally 5/25/24. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing
GrievingFirefly Posted October 3, 2022 Author Posted October 3, 2022 (edited) Hello. Thank you so much for taking the time and care to write such a thoughtful, detailed reply. I am in awe and deep appreciation for what you and other moderators do on this site. You are all truly blessings for us harmed by the medical community by the fallacy of long term psychotropics. Thank you for the info about SA's advice regarding tapering benzos last. Unfortunately I had already begun the benzo taper about 4 years ago before knowing about SA or SA's policy. I was unsuccessful after my first too fast taper and got back on klonopin after my first taper. Also, before I realized how abusive my marriage was, I was considering pregnancy and a reproductive psychiatrist told me that benzos are absolutely not allowed in pregnancy but ADs can be. With painstaking effort, I switched from Klonopin to Diazepam and am down to the very last dosage that Ashton recommends folks jump off from (0.5 mg Diazepam). However, I'm afraid of jumping due to recent increases in anxiety and insomnia. This could be related to my job situation; which is I am currently finishing dissertation and am unemployed, though I have financial support. With regards to the switch, it's gone ok but I do notice the following symptoms over the past 2 months (I switched to Diazepam and tapered a liquid concentrate starting over a year ago): occasional intermittent insomnia, crying spells, sweating. I am also very activated by people's energy and more triggered by things that activate my grief (hearing about my friend's good marriages/relationships/plans to have kids/missing my mom). So I don't know if this is all grief related or Diazepam related. The awful thing is I had gotten used to the Diazapem oral concentrate but there is a drug shortage and I am stuck with cutting Diazepam 2 mg tablets in quarters. Here is the link to interactions of all of my drugs: https://www.drugs.com/interactions-check.php?drug_list=1013-565,2228-0,862-439 I totally understand the 10% rule, and may go even slower. Thank you so much for the loving and peaceful wishes. I look forward to your reply. Edited October 3, 2022 by manymoretodays none, wrong post Put on Zoloft in late 2002 at almost 18 years of age. Was never told to get off the drug by the dumbass child psychiatrist who I know hate forever, and was given mistaken information of how I needed to stay off of it. Tapered off very fast (a few month taper) in summer of 2011 (about an 8.5 year history). Had an amazing month in Costa Rica drug free. Crashed fall of 2011 (passive suicidal ideation, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably during the date, insomnia, severe crying spells, doom, derealization) and was put on Lexapro and a benzo (I think Lorazepam). Was so afraid of repeating that so I stayed on Lexapro but tapered off the benzo very fast (a month). Entered abusive marriage in 2015 and started having unbearable symptoms such as burning arms and body, insomnia, deep depression, and anxiety. I felt I had no supportive environment to talk about the abuse, and instead went to a PCP for medical relief: I was put on Klonopin (1 mg a day, I think) and Trazodone (50 mg a day) by PCP in early 2016. Unsuccessful too-fast Klonopin taper 2017-2018 (jumped off at 0.125 mg at psychiatrists' urging me to do a fast taper) and went back on it late 2018. Been tapering off Klonopin since 2020 (Divorce process underway) and much later, switched to diazepam. Switched from 0.0625 mg Klonopin to 2 mg Diazepam around September 2021. Tapered Diazepam from September 2021-August 2022. As of August 2022, been taking around 0.5 mg Diazepam. But I did something foolish and temporarily went back on expired crushed powdered Clonazepam for a month or so because I was afraid of running out of Diazepam. (I say around because I was using a liquid formulation, then the liquid formulation is no longer being produced by manufacturer, and I am cutting/crushing pills). As of October 2022, here are my drugs and dosages: Lexapro 10 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg. As of February 2023: Lexapro 9 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg April 18th, 2023: Updosed to 9.2 Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg July 3rd, 2023: 10 mg Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 1 mg (updose); Dates I took Propranalol plus dosages: July 22nd (40 mg), July 17th (40 mg), June 29th (20 mg), June 16th (20 mg), May 20th (5 mg)
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 3, 2022 Moderator Emeritus Posted October 3, 2022 (edited) Hi GF, I can imagine that PHD dissertation work and academia IS very stressful. And often our emotions are amplified in WD, possibly and our stress response is just different and thrown. See: Neuroemotions 14 hours ago, GrievingFirefly said: With painstaking effort, I switched from Klonopin to Diazepam and am down to the very last dosage that Ashton recommends folks jump off from (0.5 mg Diazepam). However, I'm afraid of jumping due to recent increases in anxiety and insomnia. This could be related to my job situation; which is I am currently finishing dissertation and am unemployed, though I have financial support. With regards to the switch, it's gone ok but I do notice the following symptoms over the past 2 months (I switched to Diazepam and tapered a liquid concentrate starting over a year ago): occasional intermittent insomnia, crying spells, sweating. I am also very activated by people's energy and more triggered by things that activate my grief (hearing about my friend's good marriages/relationships/plans to have kids/missing my mom). So I don't know if this is all grief related or Diazepam related. The awful thing is I had gotten used to the Diazapem oral concentrate but there is a drug shortage and I am stuck with cutting Diazepam 2 mg tablets in quarters. I'm wondering if jumping off at 0.5 mg of diazepam is too high. I'm also wondering if you remember what dose of clonazepam you were on when you switched to diazepam......and then of course what dose of diazepam you switched over to? Honestly, I think you'd be okay HOLDING with your present diazepam. And then when feeling ready to begin tapering, start with the Lexapro. Preparing to Taper Let me ask our more benzo savy experts to weigh in on your diazepam now. @Shep, @Frogie should be able to offer you a bit more than I, on your benzo management and tapering. When do you take each of your drugs presently? If you could just note the times of day, and then the drug by name and dose.......that will be helpful. Thanks for doing your interactions! What did you think of them? Trazodone especially......interacts with so many drugs. I'm always surprised that doctors prescribe other AD's along side it. Okay. Hope today is a good one. L, P, H, and G, mmt Edited October 3, 2022 by manymoretodays notifications 1 Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022, and again finally 5/25/24. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing
Moderator Frogie Posted October 3, 2022 Moderator Posted October 3, 2022 @GrievingFirefly At this point, I would hold on the 0.5 mg of Diazepam and taper according to what @manymoretodays has suggested. Then I would taper the Diazepam last. You do not want to "jump" at 0.5 mg as that is way to high of a dose to simply stop. You will want to taper 10% a month until you are at zero. 1 PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist. Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form) ---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil. Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper. Last dose June 24, 2024 19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020) I am not a medical professional. The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.
GrievingFirefly Posted October 5, 2022 Author Posted October 5, 2022 Hello to both @Frogie and @manymoretodays. Thanks for your follow up. According to my records, I was on 0.0625 mg of Clonazepam before switching to Diazepam liquid, and I started on Diazepam 2 mg at that switching point. This was in September 2021. I tapered down to 0.5 mg by around spring 2022 (don't remember when), but in the middle of this had endured the sudden, traumatic death of my mother. Regarding time, name, and dosage: I take all 3 of my medications at night, right before going to bed, on average, around 10:00 pm. I take Diazepam (approx) 0.5 mg, Lexapro 10mg, and Trazodone 50 mg. I felt angry and sick to my stomach when looking at the interactions. I hate that I was put on Trazodone at a desperate time in my life. Both Trazodone and a benzo! One question for @Frogie, the advice to taper the Diazepam last makes sense in terms of how the benzo may help keep the body calm as I taper my antidepressants. However, the question I have is about dependence and withdrawal. Given that my tapers of BOTH Lexapro and Trazodone will probably take multiple years, that will be multiple more years on Diazepam. Will those multiple years on 0.5 mg make my ability to come off of it that much worse, or what about long term risk of dementia due to benzos? Put on Zoloft in late 2002 at almost 18 years of age. Was never told to get off the drug by the dumbass child psychiatrist who I know hate forever, and was given mistaken information of how I needed to stay off of it. Tapered off very fast (a few month taper) in summer of 2011 (about an 8.5 year history). Had an amazing month in Costa Rica drug free. Crashed fall of 2011 (passive suicidal ideation, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably during the date, insomnia, severe crying spells, doom, derealization) and was put on Lexapro and a benzo (I think Lorazepam). Was so afraid of repeating that so I stayed on Lexapro but tapered off the benzo very fast (a month). Entered abusive marriage in 2015 and started having unbearable symptoms such as burning arms and body, insomnia, deep depression, and anxiety. I felt I had no supportive environment to talk about the abuse, and instead went to a PCP for medical relief: I was put on Klonopin (1 mg a day, I think) and Trazodone (50 mg a day) by PCP in early 2016. Unsuccessful too-fast Klonopin taper 2017-2018 (jumped off at 0.125 mg at psychiatrists' urging me to do a fast taper) and went back on it late 2018. Been tapering off Klonopin since 2020 (Divorce process underway) and much later, switched to diazepam. Switched from 0.0625 mg Klonopin to 2 mg Diazepam around September 2021. Tapered Diazepam from September 2021-August 2022. As of August 2022, been taking around 0.5 mg Diazepam. But I did something foolish and temporarily went back on expired crushed powdered Clonazepam for a month or so because I was afraid of running out of Diazepam. (I say around because I was using a liquid formulation, then the liquid formulation is no longer being produced by manufacturer, and I am cutting/crushing pills). As of October 2022, here are my drugs and dosages: Lexapro 10 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg. As of February 2023: Lexapro 9 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg April 18th, 2023: Updosed to 9.2 Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg July 3rd, 2023: 10 mg Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 1 mg (updose); Dates I took Propranalol plus dosages: July 22nd (40 mg), July 17th (40 mg), June 29th (20 mg), June 16th (20 mg), May 20th (5 mg)
Moderator Frogie Posted October 5, 2022 Moderator Posted October 5, 2022 (edited) @GrievingFirefly Because you have taken Diazepam for more than 2 weeks, your body is already dependent on it. I would continue to take it through your other tapers and then taper it at the end. Diazepam is one of the easiest benzos to taper because it has a long 1/2 life of up to 200 hours. Edited October 5, 2022 by Frogie 1 PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist. Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form) ---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil. Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper. Last dose June 24, 2024 19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020) I am not a medical professional. The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.
GrievingFirefly Posted October 6, 2022 Author Posted October 6, 2022 @Frogie, thanks for your reply. One more question: do you happen to know if Diazepam is soluble in water? The reason I've been saying that I take "around 0.5 mg" is that the Diazepam oral solution is currently on backorder and has not been available for 2 months. So I've been forced to cut 2 mg pills, and it's hard to get it right. I'm wondering if doing a water solution would work, and I could use a syringe to get exactly 1/4 of a pill. Will this work? Put on Zoloft in late 2002 at almost 18 years of age. Was never told to get off the drug by the dumbass child psychiatrist who I know hate forever, and was given mistaken information of how I needed to stay off of it. Tapered off very fast (a few month taper) in summer of 2011 (about an 8.5 year history). Had an amazing month in Costa Rica drug free. Crashed fall of 2011 (passive suicidal ideation, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably during the date, insomnia, severe crying spells, doom, derealization) and was put on Lexapro and a benzo (I think Lorazepam). Was so afraid of repeating that so I stayed on Lexapro but tapered off the benzo very fast (a month). Entered abusive marriage in 2015 and started having unbearable symptoms such as burning arms and body, insomnia, deep depression, and anxiety. I felt I had no supportive environment to talk about the abuse, and instead went to a PCP for medical relief: I was put on Klonopin (1 mg a day, I think) and Trazodone (50 mg a day) by PCP in early 2016. Unsuccessful too-fast Klonopin taper 2017-2018 (jumped off at 0.125 mg at psychiatrists' urging me to do a fast taper) and went back on it late 2018. Been tapering off Klonopin since 2020 (Divorce process underway) and much later, switched to diazepam. Switched from 0.0625 mg Klonopin to 2 mg Diazepam around September 2021. Tapered Diazepam from September 2021-August 2022. As of August 2022, been taking around 0.5 mg Diazepam. But I did something foolish and temporarily went back on expired crushed powdered Clonazepam for a month or so because I was afraid of running out of Diazepam. (I say around because I was using a liquid formulation, then the liquid formulation is no longer being produced by manufacturer, and I am cutting/crushing pills). As of October 2022, here are my drugs and dosages: Lexapro 10 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg. As of February 2023: Lexapro 9 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg April 18th, 2023: Updosed to 9.2 Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg July 3rd, 2023: 10 mg Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 1 mg (updose); Dates I took Propranalol plus dosages: July 22nd (40 mg), July 17th (40 mg), June 29th (20 mg), June 16th (20 mg), May 20th (5 mg)
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted October 6, 2022 Moderator Emeritus Posted October 6, 2022 (edited) 7 minutes ago, GrievingFirefly said: One more question: do you happen to know if Diazepam is soluble in water? Please expand the quote: On 5/11/2022 at 5:53 AM, brassmonkey said: Diazepam (Valium) It is practically insoluble in water at 50 mg/L. (4) NOTE: solubility in water is .05mg/mL so 10mL of water is enough to dissolve a .5mg tablet. NOTE: Water suspensions are unstable and cannot be stored. Soluble in ethanol at 31mg/mL of 90 proof vodka. (4) Sparingly soluble in propylene glycol (4) Highly soluble in lipids (5) NOTE: Diazepam emulsion (dissolved in lipids) can be mixed in water containing 5-10% sugar, but sodium chloride, (table salt, isotonic saline) should not be used to dilute diazepam emulsion. NOTE: Diazepam can absorb into plastics, so liquid preparations should not be stored in plastic bottles or syringes, etc. Plastic syringes are permissible for administering doses. NOTE: Diazepam liquids should not be used if a precipitate has formed and does not dissolve. Tablets come in 2 mg, 5 mg, 10 mg doses. Protect tablets and solutions from light, store away from heat and moisture, do not store in the bathroom. Shelf life 5 years. Edited October 6, 2022 by ChessieCat 1 * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management
GrievingFirefly Posted October 6, 2022 Author Posted October 6, 2022 @ChessieCat, thank you. Looks like I will have to cut and weigh the 2 mg pills to get my dose :/. Also, does soluble in lipids mean like olive oil or something? Put on Zoloft in late 2002 at almost 18 years of age. Was never told to get off the drug by the dumbass child psychiatrist who I know hate forever, and was given mistaken information of how I needed to stay off of it. Tapered off very fast (a few month taper) in summer of 2011 (about an 8.5 year history). Had an amazing month in Costa Rica drug free. Crashed fall of 2011 (passive suicidal ideation, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably during the date, insomnia, severe crying spells, doom, derealization) and was put on Lexapro and a benzo (I think Lorazepam). Was so afraid of repeating that so I stayed on Lexapro but tapered off the benzo very fast (a month). Entered abusive marriage in 2015 and started having unbearable symptoms such as burning arms and body, insomnia, deep depression, and anxiety. I felt I had no supportive environment to talk about the abuse, and instead went to a PCP for medical relief: I was put on Klonopin (1 mg a day, I think) and Trazodone (50 mg a day) by PCP in early 2016. Unsuccessful too-fast Klonopin taper 2017-2018 (jumped off at 0.125 mg at psychiatrists' urging me to do a fast taper) and went back on it late 2018. Been tapering off Klonopin since 2020 (Divorce process underway) and much later, switched to diazepam. Switched from 0.0625 mg Klonopin to 2 mg Diazepam around September 2021. Tapered Diazepam from September 2021-August 2022. As of August 2022, been taking around 0.5 mg Diazepam. But I did something foolish and temporarily went back on expired crushed powdered Clonazepam for a month or so because I was afraid of running out of Diazepam. (I say around because I was using a liquid formulation, then the liquid formulation is no longer being produced by manufacturer, and I am cutting/crushing pills). As of October 2022, here are my drugs and dosages: Lexapro 10 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg. As of February 2023: Lexapro 9 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg April 18th, 2023: Updosed to 9.2 Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg July 3rd, 2023: 10 mg Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 1 mg (updose); Dates I took Propranalol plus dosages: July 22nd (40 mg), July 17th (40 mg), June 29th (20 mg), June 16th (20 mg), May 20th (5 mg)
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted October 6, 2022 Moderator Emeritus Posted October 6, 2022 I think full fat milk is classed as a lipid. 1 * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted October 6, 2022 Moderator Emeritus Posted October 6, 2022 I haven't read through these: http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=243223.0 https://bluelight.org/xf/threads/putting-diazepam-into-milk.786086/ Check out the full topic where the other info came from: 1 * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 7, 2022 Moderator Emeritus Posted October 7, 2022 Hi there GF, I found this while perusing some of the recent posts and so will share, as it is regarding diazepam. I hope I am not overly confusing the situation. Good stuff above too, from Ccat. On 10/6/2022 at 4:22 AM, Shep said: It depends on how the suspension or solution is made. If the pill is dissolved in whole milk, it won't last as long as if the pill is dissolved in Vodka and water, which some people on the benzo forums say can last a couple of weeks. @elizzeI know it sounds odd, but alcohol is commonly used to dissolve diazepam. It does not need to be refrigerated if you're using water and Vodka, but it does need to be kept in a covered container, since alcohol evaporates. Do not store in plastic, as diazepam can be absorbed into plastic. A dark glass bottle with a lid is best. If you decide to go with the Vodka method, the ratio is 1 mg of benzo to 2 mL Vodka and then you add water. I would cut your 2 mg pill into quarters because you're going to be taking a very small amount that will need to be disposed off after a couple of weeks of being dissolved. Best, L, P, H, and G, mmt 1 Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022, and again finally 5/25/24. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing
GrievingFirefly Posted October 11, 2022 Author Posted October 11, 2022 (edited) Milk Thistle? I'm currently on about 0.5 mg Diazepam after spending about 1.5 years tapering. I'm wondering if anyone on low dose benzos has taken milk thistle regularly as a supplement? I know there are interactions with benzos, but it appears that it reduces the strength of the drug. Does that affect those who are tapering? I am interested because I am worried about my liver and being polydrugged! I remember years ago when I took milk thistle, it helped me lose weight, which I assume, had partially to do with the liver. Would love to know if anyone tried milk thistle while on a smaller dose of benzos. Edited October 13, 2022 by Shep added title after merging from benzo forum Put on Zoloft in late 2002 at almost 18 years of age. Was never told to get off the drug by the dumbass child psychiatrist who I know hate forever, and was given mistaken information of how I needed to stay off of it. Tapered off very fast (a few month taper) in summer of 2011 (about an 8.5 year history). Had an amazing month in Costa Rica drug free. Crashed fall of 2011 (passive suicidal ideation, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably during the date, insomnia, severe crying spells, doom, derealization) and was put on Lexapro and a benzo (I think Lorazepam). Was so afraid of repeating that so I stayed on Lexapro but tapered off the benzo very fast (a month). Entered abusive marriage in 2015 and started having unbearable symptoms such as burning arms and body, insomnia, deep depression, and anxiety. I felt I had no supportive environment to talk about the abuse, and instead went to a PCP for medical relief: I was put on Klonopin (1 mg a day, I think) and Trazodone (50 mg a day) by PCP in early 2016. Unsuccessful too-fast Klonopin taper 2017-2018 (jumped off at 0.125 mg at psychiatrists' urging me to do a fast taper) and went back on it late 2018. Been tapering off Klonopin since 2020 (Divorce process underway) and much later, switched to diazepam. Switched from 0.0625 mg Klonopin to 2 mg Diazepam around September 2021. Tapered Diazepam from September 2021-August 2022. As of August 2022, been taking around 0.5 mg Diazepam. But I did something foolish and temporarily went back on expired crushed powdered Clonazepam for a month or so because I was afraid of running out of Diazepam. (I say around because I was using a liquid formulation, then the liquid formulation is no longer being produced by manufacturer, and I am cutting/crushing pills). As of October 2022, here are my drugs and dosages: Lexapro 10 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg. As of February 2023: Lexapro 9 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg April 18th, 2023: Updosed to 9.2 Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg July 3rd, 2023: 10 mg Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 1 mg (updose); Dates I took Propranalol plus dosages: July 22nd (40 mg), July 17th (40 mg), June 29th (20 mg), June 16th (20 mg), May 20th (5 mg)
Moderator Emeritus Shep Posted October 13, 2022 Moderator Emeritus Posted October 13, 2022 @GrievingFirefly Please note I moved your post from the benzo forum, which isn't getting a lot of replies right now. We don't have a dedicated thread for milk thistle, but I did a search so you can see how other members reacted to this supplement (although most of our members are taking more than just a low dose of benzos): Milk thistle - search results If you try it, start with a very small amount to see how you react. 1
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted October 13, 2022 Moderator Emeritus Posted October 13, 2022 (edited) 23 minutes ago, Shep said: If you try it, start with a very small amount to see how you react. And only make one change / try one thing at a time, and only a single supplement at a time, not a complex. the-rule-of-3kis-keep-it-simple-keep-it-slow-keep-it-stable Edited October 13, 2022 by ChessieCat 1 * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management
GrievingFirefly Posted December 31, 2022 Author Posted December 31, 2022 Can someone please advise me on what to do? Since I defended my dissertation and have a bit of relief from stress in my life (of course, not at all stress-free, but that'll probably never happen), I decided to start my Lexapro taper following the 10% rule. So, on Monday, December 26th I went down to 9 mg using the prescription liquid Lexapro. I was ok for the first 2-3 days on 9 mg. However, yesterday (after 4 days), I was very nauseous, anxious, and a little bit depressed. The nausea was pretty hard to bear and I felt like barfing. I figured this would pass soon. However, last night I woke up early and was extremely anxious, panic-y, nauseous, and felt like I was bursting inside. I went to the sink and vomited many times. I feel more hypersensitive to noise, more excitable, and more scared. After vomiting many times, I took 0.5 mg Lexapro and then felt calmer and slept a little bit. Today I feel tired, hypersensitive to noise and stimulation, anxious, sad, and excitable. It's day 5 since the cut. Was the 10% cut too much for me? Should I go up to 9.5 mg and stick to 5% cuts every month? I'm really bummed if that's the case as my taper will take that many years longer. Please advise what to do! Put on Zoloft in late 2002 at almost 18 years of age. Was never told to get off the drug by the dumbass child psychiatrist who I know hate forever, and was given mistaken information of how I needed to stay off of it. Tapered off very fast (a few month taper) in summer of 2011 (about an 8.5 year history). Had an amazing month in Costa Rica drug free. Crashed fall of 2011 (passive suicidal ideation, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably during the date, insomnia, severe crying spells, doom, derealization) and was put on Lexapro and a benzo (I think Lorazepam). Was so afraid of repeating that so I stayed on Lexapro but tapered off the benzo very fast (a month). Entered abusive marriage in 2015 and started having unbearable symptoms such as burning arms and body, insomnia, deep depression, and anxiety. I felt I had no supportive environment to talk about the abuse, and instead went to a PCP for medical relief: I was put on Klonopin (1 mg a day, I think) and Trazodone (50 mg a day) by PCP in early 2016. Unsuccessful too-fast Klonopin taper 2017-2018 (jumped off at 0.125 mg at psychiatrists' urging me to do a fast taper) and went back on it late 2018. Been tapering off Klonopin since 2020 (Divorce process underway) and much later, switched to diazepam. Switched from 0.0625 mg Klonopin to 2 mg Diazepam around September 2021. Tapered Diazepam from September 2021-August 2022. As of August 2022, been taking around 0.5 mg Diazepam. But I did something foolish and temporarily went back on expired crushed powdered Clonazepam for a month or so because I was afraid of running out of Diazepam. (I say around because I was using a liquid formulation, then the liquid formulation is no longer being produced by manufacturer, and I am cutting/crushing pills). As of October 2022, here are my drugs and dosages: Lexapro 10 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg. As of February 2023: Lexapro 9 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg April 18th, 2023: Updosed to 9.2 Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg July 3rd, 2023: 10 mg Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 1 mg (updose); Dates I took Propranalol plus dosages: July 22nd (40 mg), July 17th (40 mg), June 29th (20 mg), June 16th (20 mg), May 20th (5 mg)
Moderator Emeritus Shep Posted January 1, 2023 Moderator Emeritus Posted January 1, 2023 19 hours ago, GrievingFirefly said: Was the 10% cut too much for me? Should I go up to 9.5 mg and stick to 5% cuts every month? I'm really bummed if that's the case as my taper will take that many years longer. Yes, it does look like the 10% is too much. Going up to 9.5 mg sounds like a good plan. Please let us know how you do. Going forward, you may want to do a micro-taper. Please see: Micro-taper instead of 10% or 5% decreases You may also want to go with smaller weekly reductions, instead of the larger monthly reduction using the BrassMonkey Slide. Here is more: The Brassmonkey Slide Method of Micro-tapering
GrievingFirefly Posted January 5, 2023 Author Posted January 5, 2023 Hello. @Shep, thank you for your response. After my last post on December 31st, my evening and night got even worse, and it felt absolutely unbearable to me. Some of this could have been fear of the symptoms, but I was on the verge of going to the emergency room. The following things happened: I began crying as life felt like full doom and gloom and I couldn’t get thoughts of my future dooms out of my head, I threw up (threw up water) repeatedly, I started screaming and had passive suicidal thoughts and wanted to die, I was afraid I would have to go the hospital, it was an unbearable feeling inside like I would have a seizure or something was bursting and my heart was coming out of my body; I took extra Diazepam: 1.5 mg and a0.125 clonapin wafer; body calmed down in the night and I slept. I had to cancel my NYE plans of going out to dinner with my father and it was pretty horrible. The next morning I was fatigued and had a mild headache, and my insides were still sensitive. Because that was such a scary experience, I decided to updose to 9.75 mg. I have been taking 9.75 mg for 3 nights now with my regular doses of the other meds (0.5 mg Diazepam, 50 mg Trazodone) and sleeping ok. No other symptoms except for some scary dreams. I am interested in doing the BrassMonkey method. However, I have the following questions: 1) Does the fact that I had such a destabilizing on the night of the 31st mean I should wait a full month for my body to calm down before I reduce my dosage to 9.5 mg or because it's a smaller reduction, I might be able to do it? 2) Does this represent or mean that I have a very hypersensitive nervous system or is this a sign of kindling? Reasons for a sensitized nervous system that I can come up with include a too-fast benzo taper over the last 6 months right after my mom's suicide and a switch from clonapin to diazepam and back and forth a couple times because of diazepam shortages (liquid formulation). I am firmly on 0.5 mg diazepam now and not reducing. 3) Or could the fact that 10% is too slow for me have to do with the fact that I hate winter/darkness/cold and it makes my mood, anxiety, and fear worse? Or could it be the fact that in the past 6 years I've dealt with marital abuse, separation, divorce, and then my mom's 3 suicide attempts and finally death? And it's just too much? I'm puzzled because I was able to make large cuts before. Now I just have to figure out whether to try the next 2.5% reduction of the BrassMonkey next week, the following week, or wait a month to stabilize? Please share your thoughts and advice. Thank you. I would be terrified without this community. I curse the day I ever started on SSRIs and then the day I was polydrugged. My dream of being med-free seems to be difficult to attain.. Put on Zoloft in late 2002 at almost 18 years of age. Was never told to get off the drug by the dumbass child psychiatrist who I know hate forever, and was given mistaken information of how I needed to stay off of it. Tapered off very fast (a few month taper) in summer of 2011 (about an 8.5 year history). Had an amazing month in Costa Rica drug free. Crashed fall of 2011 (passive suicidal ideation, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably during the date, insomnia, severe crying spells, doom, derealization) and was put on Lexapro and a benzo (I think Lorazepam). Was so afraid of repeating that so I stayed on Lexapro but tapered off the benzo very fast (a month). Entered abusive marriage in 2015 and started having unbearable symptoms such as burning arms and body, insomnia, deep depression, and anxiety. I felt I had no supportive environment to talk about the abuse, and instead went to a PCP for medical relief: I was put on Klonopin (1 mg a day, I think) and Trazodone (50 mg a day) by PCP in early 2016. Unsuccessful too-fast Klonopin taper 2017-2018 (jumped off at 0.125 mg at psychiatrists' urging me to do a fast taper) and went back on it late 2018. Been tapering off Klonopin since 2020 (Divorce process underway) and much later, switched to diazepam. Switched from 0.0625 mg Klonopin to 2 mg Diazepam around September 2021. Tapered Diazepam from September 2021-August 2022. As of August 2022, been taking around 0.5 mg Diazepam. But I did something foolish and temporarily went back on expired crushed powdered Clonazepam for a month or so because I was afraid of running out of Diazepam. (I say around because I was using a liquid formulation, then the liquid formulation is no longer being produced by manufacturer, and I am cutting/crushing pills). As of October 2022, here are my drugs and dosages: Lexapro 10 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg. As of February 2023: Lexapro 9 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg April 18th, 2023: Updosed to 9.2 Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg July 3rd, 2023: 10 mg Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 1 mg (updose); Dates I took Propranalol plus dosages: July 22nd (40 mg), July 17th (40 mg), June 29th (20 mg), June 16th (20 mg), May 20th (5 mg)
Moderator Emeritus Shep Posted January 5, 2023 Moderator Emeritus Posted January 5, 2023 22 hours ago, GrievingFirefly said: After my last post on December 31st, my evening and night got even worse, and it felt absolutely unbearable to me. Some of this could have been fear of the symptoms, but I was on the verge of going to the emergency room. The following things happened: I began crying as life felt like full doom and gloom and I couldn’t get thoughts of my future dooms out of my head, I threw up (threw up water) repeatedly, I started screaming and had passive suicidal thoughts and wanted to die, I was afraid I would have to go the hospital, it was an unbearable feeling inside like I would have a seizure or something was bursting and my heart was coming out of my body; I took extra Diazepam: 1.5 mg and a0.125 clonapin wafer; body calmed down in the night and I slept. I had to cancel my NYE plans of going out to dinner with my father and it was pretty horrible. Did anything change? Anything in your diet - too much sugar or having alcohol on New Year's eve? Any new meds for any other health condition or dental work? Or did this just come out of nowhere? 22 hours ago, GrievingFirefly said: 1) Does the fact that I had such a destabilizing on the night of the 31st mean I should wait a full month for my body to calm down before I reduce my dosage to 9.5 mg or because it's a smaller reduction, I might be able to do it? I wouldn't put a timeline on it. If you can't pinpoint a reason why your symptoms ramped up to a near-crisis state, you may want to go into a very long hold and give your nervous system time to heal. And then when you do reduce again, go with a tiny 2 or 3% reduction to test the waters. 22 hours ago, GrievingFirefly said: 2) Does this represent or mean that I have a very hypersensitive nervous system or is this a sign of kindling? Reasons for a sensitized nervous system that I can come up with include a too-fast benzo taper over the last 6 months right after my mom's suicide and a switch from clonapin to diazepam and back and forth a couple times because of diazepam shortages (liquid formulation). I am firmly on 0.5 mg diazepam now and not reducing. Yes, you likely do have a hypersensitive nervous system, not only from the drug changes, but the loss of a loved one, especially a suicide. I'm sorry you're having to deal with so much, GrievingFirefly. 22 hours ago, GrievingFirefly said: 3) Or could the fact that 10% is too slow for me have to do with the fact that I hate winter/darkness/cold and it makes my mood, anxiety, and fear worse? Or could it be the fact that in the past 6 years I've dealt with marital abuse, separation, divorce, and then my mom's 3 suicide attempts and finally death? And it's just too much? I'm puzzled because I was able to make large cuts before. If you were able to make large cuts at higher doses, that's not uncommon. This thread explains: Why taper? SERT transporter occupancy studies show importance of gradual change in plasma concentration The lower doses contain larger concentrations of the drug. So many people find they need to go slower at the lower doses. 22 hours ago, GrievingFirefly said: Now I just have to figure out whether to try the next 2.5% reduction of the BrassMonkey next week, the following week, or wait a month to stabilize? Please share your thoughts and advice. You just took a higher dose of diazepam and a rescue dose of clonazepam in order to keep from going to the hospital. Please hold and recover. There's no reason to rush this.
GrievingFirefly Posted January 5, 2023 Author Posted January 5, 2023 Dear @Shep, thanks for your reply. I don't drink alcohol and there was no excess intake of sugar. I think what happened the night of the 31st was just a continuation of the withdrawal I felt- when I wrote the first message that you replied to earlier that day. I remember feeling very hypersensitive at the cafe with my friend. Also, I am here in the SFBay Area and there was a storm going on and it was pitch dark. I was at home with my withdrawal symptoms and dooming thoughts. I don't know if an anxiety loop made it worse. I hear you regarding hold and recover. I have to let go of the attachment to reducing by a certain rate and getting to 0 mg Lexapro by a certain year. This is very hard for me. There's a sort of grief in this too. Put on Zoloft in late 2002 at almost 18 years of age. Was never told to get off the drug by the dumbass child psychiatrist who I know hate forever, and was given mistaken information of how I needed to stay off of it. Tapered off very fast (a few month taper) in summer of 2011 (about an 8.5 year history). Had an amazing month in Costa Rica drug free. Crashed fall of 2011 (passive suicidal ideation, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably during the date, insomnia, severe crying spells, doom, derealization) and was put on Lexapro and a benzo (I think Lorazepam). Was so afraid of repeating that so I stayed on Lexapro but tapered off the benzo very fast (a month). Entered abusive marriage in 2015 and started having unbearable symptoms such as burning arms and body, insomnia, deep depression, and anxiety. I felt I had no supportive environment to talk about the abuse, and instead went to a PCP for medical relief: I was put on Klonopin (1 mg a day, I think) and Trazodone (50 mg a day) by PCP in early 2016. Unsuccessful too-fast Klonopin taper 2017-2018 (jumped off at 0.125 mg at psychiatrists' urging me to do a fast taper) and went back on it late 2018. Been tapering off Klonopin since 2020 (Divorce process underway) and much later, switched to diazepam. Switched from 0.0625 mg Klonopin to 2 mg Diazepam around September 2021. Tapered Diazepam from September 2021-August 2022. As of August 2022, been taking around 0.5 mg Diazepam. But I did something foolish and temporarily went back on expired crushed powdered Clonazepam for a month or so because I was afraid of running out of Diazepam. (I say around because I was using a liquid formulation, then the liquid formulation is no longer being produced by manufacturer, and I am cutting/crushing pills). As of October 2022, here are my drugs and dosages: Lexapro 10 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg. As of February 2023: Lexapro 9 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg April 18th, 2023: Updosed to 9.2 Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg July 3rd, 2023: 10 mg Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 1 mg (updose); Dates I took Propranalol plus dosages: July 22nd (40 mg), July 17th (40 mg), June 29th (20 mg), June 16th (20 mg), May 20th (5 mg)
GrievingFirefly Posted January 5, 2023 Author Posted January 5, 2023 One more thing- should I stay at 9.75 mg after all this trouble for a long hold, or go back to 10 mg? I've been at 9.75 mg for the past 4 nights and am ok, but slight scary dreams and early morning awakening and occasional anxiety. Put on Zoloft in late 2002 at almost 18 years of age. Was never told to get off the drug by the dumbass child psychiatrist who I know hate forever, and was given mistaken information of how I needed to stay off of it. Tapered off very fast (a few month taper) in summer of 2011 (about an 8.5 year history). Had an amazing month in Costa Rica drug free. Crashed fall of 2011 (passive suicidal ideation, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably during the date, insomnia, severe crying spells, doom, derealization) and was put on Lexapro and a benzo (I think Lorazepam). Was so afraid of repeating that so I stayed on Lexapro but tapered off the benzo very fast (a month). Entered abusive marriage in 2015 and started having unbearable symptoms such as burning arms and body, insomnia, deep depression, and anxiety. I felt I had no supportive environment to talk about the abuse, and instead went to a PCP for medical relief: I was put on Klonopin (1 mg a day, I think) and Trazodone (50 mg a day) by PCP in early 2016. Unsuccessful too-fast Klonopin taper 2017-2018 (jumped off at 0.125 mg at psychiatrists' urging me to do a fast taper) and went back on it late 2018. Been tapering off Klonopin since 2020 (Divorce process underway) and much later, switched to diazepam. Switched from 0.0625 mg Klonopin to 2 mg Diazepam around September 2021. Tapered Diazepam from September 2021-August 2022. As of August 2022, been taking around 0.5 mg Diazepam. But I did something foolish and temporarily went back on expired crushed powdered Clonazepam for a month or so because I was afraid of running out of Diazepam. (I say around because I was using a liquid formulation, then the liquid formulation is no longer being produced by manufacturer, and I am cutting/crushing pills). As of October 2022, here are my drugs and dosages: Lexapro 10 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg. As of February 2023: Lexapro 9 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg April 18th, 2023: Updosed to 9.2 Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg July 3rd, 2023: 10 mg Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 1 mg (updose); Dates I took Propranalol plus dosages: July 22nd (40 mg), July 17th (40 mg), June 29th (20 mg), June 16th (20 mg), May 20th (5 mg)
Moderator Emeritus Shep Posted January 6, 2023 Moderator Emeritus Posted January 6, 2023 16 minutes ago, GrievingFirefly said: I don't drink alcohol and there was no excess intake of sugar. I think what happened the night of the 31st was just a continuation of the withdrawal I felt- when I wrote the first message that you replied to earlier that day. I remember feeling very hypersensitive at the cafe with my friend. Also, I am here in the SFBay Area and there was a storm going on and it was pitch dark. I was at home with my withdrawal symptoms and dooming thoughts. I don't know if an anxiety loop made it worse. Sounds like the culmination of a lot of stressful things. It happens. It will be okay. These are assurances that you can tell yourself before the emotions get too strong. This may help: Dealing With Emotional Spirals If the thoughts are coming too quickly and are too overwhelming, it may be time to "change the channel." Here's how: "Change the channel" -- dealing with cognitive symptoms When you're dealing with dooming thoughts, sometimes it's those anticipatory fears, the secondary fear - the "what if" fears. And that's very common during withdrawal. This is a great article on "second fear": The Anxiety Monster Feeds on Second Fear This is a great video on this subject with Eckhart Tolle: How to Reduce Anxiety and Fear | Eckhart Tolle 20 Minute Compilation video And there's a lot more out there on YouTube. 22 minutes ago, GrievingFirefly said: One more thing- should I stay at 9.75 mg after all this trouble for a long hold, or go back to 10 mg? I've been at 9.75 mg for the past 4 nights and am ok, but slight scary dreams and early morning awakening and occasional anxiety. You could go back up to 10 mg since the reduction was so recent. Please let us know how you're doing over the coming days. 1
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted January 10, 2023 Moderator Emeritus Posted January 10, 2023 Hi there GrievingFirefly, Are you still at the 9.75 mg of Lexapro? I agree. You'll be week or so, maybe more......leveling off after the additional Valium, and then did I read some clonazepam too?, when symptoms were out of range of tolerance. Congratulations on your dissertation being done! Huge. Congrats!!!! And my heart goes out to you as far as the grief you must be feeling.......I read up a few and see that it wasn't even ordinary death of your Mum, but suicide death, and after prior attempts. This is tough stuff, deep and hard grief. I had a loss of a loved one to suicide. And then more recent the loss of my Mum.....but at 93 years, and she was steady or stable as far as Mum's go. So I cannot even know just that I know your grief is like nothing most of us have to tolerate. I read a lot after my Mum died, on grief......as that loss WAS tough on me. Last parent. And Muma. Anyway.......don't even expect to feel stable if it's only been 6 months since your Mom passed. I do know and it is written.......that you will be all over the place as far as how you feel for quite some time. You may......be able to make a dent in the Lexapro dose, as far as tapering goes. Definitely go by less than 10% to start. I think 2.5% sounds great. I'm amazed GF. At your fortitude. Oh hugs. And congratulations again on the dissertation! Wow......so huge. And send some grief to me.......I can carry it now......I mean others stuff sometimes without it pulling me down. Seriously, give me a bit of the load. It isn't heavy and I'll let it go for you. Smile. I actually do that. Keep us updated. Love, peace, healing, and growth, mmt Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022, and again finally 5/25/24. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing
GrievingFirefly Posted January 10, 2023 Author Posted January 10, 2023 18 hours ago, manymoretodays said: Hi there GrievingFirefly, Are you still at the 9.75 mg of Lexapro? I agree. You'll be week or so, maybe more......leveling off after the additional Valium, and then did I read some clonazepam too?, when symptoms were out of range of tolerance. Congratulations on your dissertation being done! Huge. Congrats!!!! And my heart goes out to you as far as the grief you must be feeling.......I read up a few and see that it wasn't even ordinary death of your Mum, but suicide death, and after prior attempts. This is tough stuff, deep and hard grief. I had a loss of a loved one to suicide. And then more recent the loss of my Mum.....but at 93 years, and she was steady or stable as far as Mum's go. So I cannot even know just that I know your grief is like nothing most of us have to tolerate. I read a lot after my Mum died, on grief......as that loss WAS tough on me. Last parent. And Muma. Anyway.......don't even expect to feel stable if it's only been 6 months since your Mom passed. I do know and it is written.......that you will be all over the place as far as how you feel for quite some time. You may......be able to make a dent in the Lexapro dose, as far as tapering goes. Definitely go by less than 10% to start. I think 2.5% sounds great. I'm amazed GF. At your fortitude. Oh hugs. And congratulations again on the dissertation! Wow......so huge. And send some grief to me.......I can carry it now......I mean others stuff sometimes without it pulling me down. Seriously, give me a bit of the load. It isn't heavy and I'll let it go for you. Smile. I actually do that. Keep us updated. Love, peace, healing, and growth, mmt Hello, thank you so much for the kind words about dissertation being done. It turns out the last few steps of getting the formatting correct for the ProQuest platform to publish it is the last administrative/bureaucratic nightmare to getting the degree conferred. Was never a natural at Microsoft Word! Yes, I am still at 9.75 mg and I am feeling stable on it, but by no means am I rushing into the next 2.5% reduction after such a recently intolerable event. I figured if I suffered this much I might as well celebrate the small win and be on 9.75 mg, that's closer to 9.5 than 10 is. Do you think I might be able to speed up a year from now? Actually it's been about almost 1 year since she died. I'm saying that I've been having trouble with sleep since her death, although recently it's a lot better. I have been terrified of sleeping alone and in dark/isolated places. I moved in with other family after her death. Thank you for being willing to carry the grief. This kind of grief is so painful, and it comes after other grief too (my marriage not working out). Grief overload. Some days the only thing that got me through was my spirituality and faith that there was something greater than this life on Earth because life on Earth has been so brutal for me. I don't know anything for sure but at times have palpably felt the presence of that great Cosmic Love Force, that Divine Grace and Divine Intelligence. Only praying and surrender got me through. Even as I type this, the physical pain and yearning for my Mom comes in. But I have to remind myself she's gone...So thank you. I'll keep you all updated. For now, staying firm on 9.75 mg. When I get those stupid Word formatting edits in, and when more time has passed, I'll try another 2.5% reduction. ~Grieving Firefly Put on Zoloft in late 2002 at almost 18 years of age. Was never told to get off the drug by the dumbass child psychiatrist who I know hate forever, and was given mistaken information of how I needed to stay off of it. Tapered off very fast (a few month taper) in summer of 2011 (about an 8.5 year history). Had an amazing month in Costa Rica drug free. Crashed fall of 2011 (passive suicidal ideation, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably during the date, insomnia, severe crying spells, doom, derealization) and was put on Lexapro and a benzo (I think Lorazepam). Was so afraid of repeating that so I stayed on Lexapro but tapered off the benzo very fast (a month). Entered abusive marriage in 2015 and started having unbearable symptoms such as burning arms and body, insomnia, deep depression, and anxiety. I felt I had no supportive environment to talk about the abuse, and instead went to a PCP for medical relief: I was put on Klonopin (1 mg a day, I think) and Trazodone (50 mg a day) by PCP in early 2016. Unsuccessful too-fast Klonopin taper 2017-2018 (jumped off at 0.125 mg at psychiatrists' urging me to do a fast taper) and went back on it late 2018. Been tapering off Klonopin since 2020 (Divorce process underway) and much later, switched to diazepam. Switched from 0.0625 mg Klonopin to 2 mg Diazepam around September 2021. Tapered Diazepam from September 2021-August 2022. As of August 2022, been taking around 0.5 mg Diazepam. But I did something foolish and temporarily went back on expired crushed powdered Clonazepam for a month or so because I was afraid of running out of Diazepam. (I say around because I was using a liquid formulation, then the liquid formulation is no longer being produced by manufacturer, and I am cutting/crushing pills). As of October 2022, here are my drugs and dosages: Lexapro 10 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg. As of February 2023: Lexapro 9 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg April 18th, 2023: Updosed to 9.2 Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg July 3rd, 2023: 10 mg Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 1 mg (updose); Dates I took Propranalol plus dosages: July 22nd (40 mg), July 17th (40 mg), June 29th (20 mg), June 16th (20 mg), May 20th (5 mg)
GrievingFirefly Posted April 25, 2023 Author Posted April 25, 2023 Update @Shep @manymoretodays, and @Frogie. Also @Altostrata in case you can answer some of my questions. Questions are at the end of the post. First I will give an update. I want to give an update of the last 3.5 months. I have not been doing well, but not horribly. I am moderately functional, but I have a lot of anxiety about withdrawal itself. I am also going through a lot of grief and fear about my ability to get off these drugs ever in my life. As a recap, over 20 years on SSRI starting at age 17.5 (first Zoloft for 8 years, then Lexapro 10 mg-20 mg for 12 years), about 7 years on Trazodone (50 mg), and 7 years on benzos (Clonazepam to Diazepam). Benzo taper is mostly complete but was faster than recommended at this site (about 65% reduction per 5 months) (at 0.5 mg diazepam and holding there with no plans to get off immediately). I began tapering the benzos before knowing that this site recommended tapering off ADs first. I also did something really ill-advised in fall 2022 due to a deathly fear that I would not get my Diazepam covered: for about 1-2 months up until Dec 2022, I went back on some old Clonazepam instead to save up the Diazepam for my future trip and tried my best to estimate equivalence (took less than 1/4 of 0.125 mg Clonazepam to substitute 0.5 mg Diazepam). Resumed 0.5 mg Diazepam early Dec 2022 and have stayed there since, except for emergency doses (see below). Here is how the last 3.5 months went. I held at 9.75 mg Lexapro until February 5th. Then I decided to try the Brassmonkey Slide method. I went down to 9.5 mg Lexapro on Feb 5th, then 9.25 mg on Feb 12th, then 9 on Feb 21st. 3 days later I had what I called a "PTSD" reaction, but actually it was severe doom and fear about the future after a 7-day experiment on dating apps and getting no good matches (I am 38, single, and really wish I had a partner by my side, waking up in the night with anxiety, trembling, gagging, vomiting. I didn't register that maybe it was the 9 mg dosage. In any case I held there. March: A week later I took a across-the-world 20 hr flight to my mother's home country for a 1- month vacation/to see family. Foolishly I drank about half a glass of champagne on the flight. When I reached the country I was triggered and inundated with memories of my mother and also traumatic memories from my past marriage. I had what I'd called a nervous breakdown after a woman asked me why I dont' just get remarried and a guy at the bank inquired about my mother's death. I felt like my insides were coming out of my body, severe heat, restlessness, constantly going and dunking water on myself, feelings of doom and worthlessness and failure, thinking I needed to leave the country and come back to the USA, gagging and vomiting. It was terrifying. I had passive SI but no wishes to do anything. I ended up taking Diazepam (4 mg) and Clonapin that night to stabilize. Somehow I stayed on in the country and stabilized the next day and slept really well. March continued: However the whole trip, I kept having a vague constant sense of not feeling safe except for a few days when I was not interacting with new people. I had a constant feeling of unease, fear, my ribs were tight, waking up early in the morning with fear about the future. I think I took 1 more rescue dose of Diazepam only 1x during that trip. Then I come back to the US on April 2nd. Still on 9 mg Lexapro. For all I know, the effects of my probably bad Clonazepam substitution Oct/Nov 2022 could be lingering too. Here is a record of my bad times since April 2nd: April 2nd: landed in US after the crazy 48 hour journey, severe darkness, fear, gloom, thoughts of forever loneliness, significant gagging and vomiting, body became extremely tense and was tense all night, bad insomnia (slept late in the morning but was also jet lagged), took extra diazepam but it didn’t lead to my body relaxing April 9th: was sitting in my morning chair having My coffee and berries and suddenly started having tons of anxiety, thoughts and feelings of doom and gloom, spent all day crying and my body was tensed up and it wouldn’t relax. hell on earth. Took extra Diazepam that night. April 13th: was ok but really nervous and kind of down and was scrolling through Facebook Single Supplement instead of concentrating on class with Ranjana, saw Yuchi that day, felt really unsupported and scared, had nice massage that day April 14th: woke up super early with major anxiety before waking time, gagging, thoughts of being alone forever, how I described my symptoms to my Dad: “Feeling very bad. In body. Weak. Extremely sad. Depressed. Scared. No matter how much I talk to myself I can’t stop feeling bad. Severely lonely. Heartbroken that I hv no regular friends who cal me to hang out regularly. Heartbroken by my hopes for family in India but no connection/being hurt. I keep telling myself there is hope for future but my body doesn’t relax. I am trying to start the egg. I hv cut the onion and put turmeric. I will try my best to go to rancho. I wonder if it would help to call Jhumri mashi. However I am extremely sad.” Throughout the day, my ribs were tense and I had “jelly legs” and body wouldn’t stop being tense, had some weird spasm/shaking withdrawal like before going to bed, but I was determined not to go take diazepam and I slept! April 17th: had a nice yoga class in the morning, Gentle Yoga at Los Gatos, then I started searching on survivingantidepressants.org and instantly felt the fear response start up there; body tensed up, body got hot. Felt some hot prickly hormones coursing through me, came home anxious and depressed. Walked with baba but the anxiety and depression haven’t left me. April 18th: sleep got disrupted in the early morning, Baba told me that he has been taking Paxil for last 20 year. I felt gagging, deep despair, deep depression, anxiety and fear all day, hot body, sweating hands, pain in neck April 19th: updosed to 9.2 mg Lexapro April 22nd: uneasy/nervous/preoccupied while guests were here. Really depressed that night. April 23d: agitated/nervous/uneasy/scared of future/panic and bleak thoughts all day- talked to R about all my problems. April 24th-25th: Anxious and depressed all day with a small break in the afternoon, slept but woke up twice and not back to sleep after 5 am. As you can see, not all days in April were bad, but I didn't really have any perfectly good days: none were 100% calm+happy+hopeful. After reading these forums and realizing my nervous system is probably extremely sensitive because of all the meds and also the fast benzo taper in the last two years, I have decided to hold everything for at least 1 year. That said, I have a few questions as I struggle with fear, despair, and a sort of "PTSD" as my nervous breakdowns and withdrawal symptoms have registered as traumas. 1. I updosed to 9.2 mg a week ago due to the frequent anxiety attacks, after being on 9 mg for about 2 months. However, I think now that the attacks might have been due to interdose withdrawal of taking extra Diazepam 4-6 times since March, spaced a week or so apart. My psychiatrist, of course, does not believe in this. On the other hand, perhaps 9 mg was intolerable to me and thus I had to resort to taking extra Diazepam. Also, there is the trauma of my mom's suicide, the loneliness and loss of friends to marriage and motherhood, the yearning for a partner, and the feeling of being invisible due to being a childless/single female- all of these I'm sure impact my nervous system. I am determined to never take more than my 0.5 mg dose. Should I stay at 9.2 mg now for the sake of stability? I am afraid to make another change. 2. I take all 3 of my meds (Lex, Traz, and Diazepam) at night. I have been trying to take the Lexapro at least 1 hour before the others. My psychaitrist recommended that I switch Lexapro to the morning in case it is affecting my sleep (I wake up often at least 1x or 2x and have morning cortisol/anxiety/cravings for benzos). Given how sensitive I am to dose changes, how should I move the timing of my Lexapro to the morning? 3. I have read and saved many of the success stories on this website when I feel hopeless. That said, I feel a deep despair that I had so much trouble even with the Brassmonkey slide that being on 9 mg created such a downgrade in life. I have been on SSRIs for 20 years. Is there a possibility I will never be able to completely get off and if so, should I start preparing for a modified goal? While I ardently want more than anything to be drug free, years of being non functional is not possible for me. I have no support system for that. I do not have the financial or support system to be non functional. 4. What is your opinion on the 1-year hold idea I have? 5. I know that on this site, @Altostrata and others have recommended to save the benzo for last for tapering. However, since I have already mostly completed the benzo taper, does this rule still apply for me? 6. Given how I reacted to the BrassMonkey slide, if/when I resume Lexapro tapering, should I go at a rate of, say, 2.5% per month, or do you think the 1-year+ hold could help me speed up? Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am praying for hope and answers and guidance. Put on Zoloft in late 2002 at almost 18 years of age. Was never told to get off the drug by the dumbass child psychiatrist who I know hate forever, and was given mistaken information of how I needed to stay off of it. Tapered off very fast (a few month taper) in summer of 2011 (about an 8.5 year history). Had an amazing month in Costa Rica drug free. Crashed fall of 2011 (passive suicidal ideation, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably during the date, insomnia, severe crying spells, doom, derealization) and was put on Lexapro and a benzo (I think Lorazepam). Was so afraid of repeating that so I stayed on Lexapro but tapered off the benzo very fast (a month). Entered abusive marriage in 2015 and started having unbearable symptoms such as burning arms and body, insomnia, deep depression, and anxiety. I felt I had no supportive environment to talk about the abuse, and instead went to a PCP for medical relief: I was put on Klonopin (1 mg a day, I think) and Trazodone (50 mg a day) by PCP in early 2016. Unsuccessful too-fast Klonopin taper 2017-2018 (jumped off at 0.125 mg at psychiatrists' urging me to do a fast taper) and went back on it late 2018. Been tapering off Klonopin since 2020 (Divorce process underway) and much later, switched to diazepam. Switched from 0.0625 mg Klonopin to 2 mg Diazepam around September 2021. Tapered Diazepam from September 2021-August 2022. As of August 2022, been taking around 0.5 mg Diazepam. But I did something foolish and temporarily went back on expired crushed powdered Clonazepam for a month or so because I was afraid of running out of Diazepam. (I say around because I was using a liquid formulation, then the liquid formulation is no longer being produced by manufacturer, and I am cutting/crushing pills). As of October 2022, here are my drugs and dosages: Lexapro 10 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg. As of February 2023: Lexapro 9 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg April 18th, 2023: Updosed to 9.2 Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg July 3rd, 2023: 10 mg Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 1 mg (updose); Dates I took Propranalol plus dosages: July 22nd (40 mg), July 17th (40 mg), June 29th (20 mg), June 16th (20 mg), May 20th (5 mg)
Moderator Emeritus Shep Posted April 26, 2023 Moderator Emeritus Posted April 26, 2023 13 hours ago, GrievingFirefly said: 1. I updosed to 9.2 mg a week ago due to the frequent anxiety attacks, after being on 9 mg for about 2 months. However, I think now that the attacks might have been due to interdose withdrawal of taking extra Diazepam 4-6 times since March, spaced a week or so apart. My psychiatrist, of course, does not believe in this. On the other hand, perhaps 9 mg was intolerable to me and thus I had to resort to taking extra Diazepam. Also, there is the trauma of my mom's suicide, the loneliness and loss of friends to marriage and motherhood, the yearning for a partner, and the feeling of being invisible due to being a childless/single female- all of these I'm sure impact my nervous system. I am determined to never take more than my 0.5 mg dose. Should I stay at 9.2 mg now for the sake of stability? I am afraid to make another change. Unless you find the 9.2 mg Lexapro too stimulating, I would hold. You've been through a lot and these changes are only rattling your nervous system. 13 hours ago, GrievingFirefly said: 2. I take all 3 of my meds (Lex, Traz, and Diazepam) at night. I have been trying to take the Lexapro at least 1 hour before the others. My psychaitrist recommended that I switch Lexapro to the morning in case it is affecting my sleep (I wake up often at least 1x or 2x and have morning cortisol/anxiety/cravings for benzos). Given how sensitive I am to dose changes, how should I move the timing of my Lexapro to the morning? Many people find the SSRIs to be stimulating, so moving it to the morning is a good plan. When making a timing change, we recommend moving the drug one hour a day. So if you take it at, say, 10 PM, move it to 9 PM tonight. Then to 8 PM tomorrow night. Then to 7 PM the next night, and so forth, until the drug is moved to where you want. This gradual change gives your nervous system time to adjust. Also, you'll be able to gage how the drug affects you as you move it. If you get upticks in symptoms, you can hold everything steady until the symptoms settle down. 13 hours ago, GrievingFirefly said: 3. I have read and saved many of the success stories on this website when I feel hopeless. That said, I feel a deep despair that I had so much trouble even with the Brassmonkey slide that being on 9 mg created such a downgrade in life. I have been on SSRIs for 20 years. Is there a possibility I will never be able to completely get off and if so, should I start preparing for a modified goal? While I ardently want more than anything to be drug free, years of being non functional is not possible for me. I have no support system for that. I do not have the financial or support system to be non functional. Just reducing your drugs is a major accomplishment. As you taper, bring in non-drug coping skills. This will help you gain the confidence to not only continue tapering, but also come completely off, as you'll know how to handle the ups and downs that naturally occur in life. Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms As you feel better over the coming months and years, you'll be able to expand what you're able to do - you may find you like doing yoga and meditation and join a local yoga or meditation group. You may find you enjoy art or photography and join a local art / photography meet up. I wouldn't judge your future life by what you're dealing with now. As you expand your activities and are around like-minded people, you'll develop friendships. It's hard to see the sunlight when you're still in the storm, but better days are ahead. 13 hours ago, GrievingFirefly said: 4. What is your opinion on the 1-year hold idea I have? I would go less by a calendar and more by your symptoms. Let your symptoms guide you. Here is a way to measure when it's time to taper: Withdrawal Normal It really depends on (1) your symptoms and (2) any external stressors that may be happening. I would go by those as opposed to picking an arbitrary time. We simply don't know what the future holds. 13 hours ago, GrievingFirefly said: 5. I know that on this site, @Altostrata and others have recommended to save the benzo for last for tapering. However, since I have already mostly completed the benzo taper, does this rule still apply for me? Yes. You already reported taking extra diazepam to get through difficult times. Now is not the time to come off that drug. I would save it to last. One drug taper at a time, starting with the most stimulating drug. The only exception to this is if you're having an adverse reaction to a drug. 13 hours ago, GrievingFirefly said: 6. Given how I reacted to the BrassMonkey slide, if/when I resume Lexapro tapering, should I go at a rate of, say, 2.5% per month, or do you think the 1-year+ hold could help me speed up? See my answer to question 4. Symptoms will be your guide. 1
GrievingFirefly Posted July 23, 2023 Author Posted July 23, 2023 Hello, I am desperate for urgent help. The windows and waves pattern was not improving in a major way since my last post. I was still having waves every 2-3 days. Here is an example of a wave: WAVE early morning woke up at 5:30 am and couldn’t go back to sleep, anxiety dread fear and burning sensation, mild rib stuff, went to and couldn’t enjoy or relax the tutoring, came back hopeless internal sense of restlessness and bursting thinking of despair/suicide/euthanasia/brain hijacked by thoughts of failure/rumination about my divorced status, huge fight with dad/screaming, tried to sleep with regular diazepam and traz, slept for few hours and woke up, added 4 mg diazepam and by accident, 2 mg (that is over 20%) lexapro/meant to add .2 mg…teeth chattering/burning/body shaking/diarrhea/gagged and vomited water all morning (this is OVULATION time, the day before I had a bit of gluten, had extra caffeine at night, 2 days on 9.2 after 2 days on 9.4, had met with S who is about to get married the night before and I subtly feel her lack of understanding/lack of affirmation about withdrawal/anxiety/bio depression- she doesn’t have experience with SMI or biological stuff in her training either, no hospital work, LPCC) I made the difficult decision to updose to 10 mg Lexapro and 1 mg Diazepam 3 weeks ago, hoping that these slight updoses would improve my withdrawal and windows and waves pattern. Since then, the windows and waves pattern continues but the vomiting and internal akathisia feeling has lessoned. However, the panic continues. I have now started experiencing headaches and twitching forehead; I find that these are directly tied to feeling more anxious. However I didn't have headaches before with anxiety. I have at times taken (max 2x a week) propanalol to see if it helps the panic, but it doesn't. I know that is too much change for my nervous system so I have stopped and will never take Propanalol. Is this an adverse effect from the Lexapro updose (9.2 mg to 10 mg)? However, at this point, my biggest wish is to avoid a nervous system crash. Is it too late, after a 3 week updose, to go back down to something in the middle, say 9.6 mg? On the other hand, I have seen people on this website say that updosing can be harder for sensitive nervous systems, but eventually it stabilizes. My biggest wish is to stabilize and restart a taper later in my life when I am stable. I should also my own psychological level of anxiety is at an all-time-high. I am terrified that my updose to 10 mg won't work and I won't stabilize. I have been unemployed since February and have a job scheduled to start in September. I am terrified I won't be able to work and I am hypervigilant about all of my symptoms all of the time. Please note that my prescriber (a psychiatrist) doesn't believe that a reduction of 10 mg to 9 mg could have caused such destabilization and seems to think I'm crazy (She keeps saying "it's not that I don't believe you, I have never seen someone have this reaction of going from 10 mg to 9 mg). However, she doesn't take into account that before that I had been tapering my benzo for 2 years, had a switch from Clonapin to Diazepam, lost my mom to suicide, and lost two of my best friends (one moved away) and I am terrified of the future and feel really alone. I hold her partially responsible for my current state bc she didn't warn me not to taper now. Please comment ASAP on whether I should go down; is this an adverse effect? However, if there is a potential risk for going down and risk of destabilizing further, I cannot risk that. Please comment. Thank you. Put on Zoloft in late 2002 at almost 18 years of age. Was never told to get off the drug by the dumbass child psychiatrist who I know hate forever, and was given mistaken information of how I needed to stay off of it. Tapered off very fast (a few month taper) in summer of 2011 (about an 8.5 year history). Had an amazing month in Costa Rica drug free. Crashed fall of 2011 (passive suicidal ideation, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably during the date, insomnia, severe crying spells, doom, derealization) and was put on Lexapro and a benzo (I think Lorazepam). Was so afraid of repeating that so I stayed on Lexapro but tapered off the benzo very fast (a month). Entered abusive marriage in 2015 and started having unbearable symptoms such as burning arms and body, insomnia, deep depression, and anxiety. I felt I had no supportive environment to talk about the abuse, and instead went to a PCP for medical relief: I was put on Klonopin (1 mg a day, I think) and Trazodone (50 mg a day) by PCP in early 2016. Unsuccessful too-fast Klonopin taper 2017-2018 (jumped off at 0.125 mg at psychiatrists' urging me to do a fast taper) and went back on it late 2018. Been tapering off Klonopin since 2020 (Divorce process underway) and much later, switched to diazepam. Switched from 0.0625 mg Klonopin to 2 mg Diazepam around September 2021. Tapered Diazepam from September 2021-August 2022. As of August 2022, been taking around 0.5 mg Diazepam. But I did something foolish and temporarily went back on expired crushed powdered Clonazepam for a month or so because I was afraid of running out of Diazepam. (I say around because I was using a liquid formulation, then the liquid formulation is no longer being produced by manufacturer, and I am cutting/crushing pills). As of October 2022, here are my drugs and dosages: Lexapro 10 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg. As of February 2023: Lexapro 9 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg April 18th, 2023: Updosed to 9.2 Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg July 3rd, 2023: 10 mg Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 1 mg (updose); Dates I took Propranalol plus dosages: July 22nd (40 mg), July 17th (40 mg), June 29th (20 mg), June 16th (20 mg), May 20th (5 mg)
GrievingFirefly Posted July 23, 2023 Author Posted July 23, 2023 I am having severe panic almost daily now, to the point of agoraphobia. I lie down in bed and the panic doesn't subside. Benzos don't work as well as they used to. I tried taking 5 mg diazepam one day after severe panic and I still didn't sleep all night. Someone tell me what to do. Am I doomed? I have also been dx with CPTSD. Put on Zoloft in late 2002 at almost 18 years of age. Was never told to get off the drug by the dumbass child psychiatrist who I know hate forever, and was given mistaken information of how I needed to stay off of it. Tapered off very fast (a few month taper) in summer of 2011 (about an 8.5 year history). Had an amazing month in Costa Rica drug free. Crashed fall of 2011 (passive suicidal ideation, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably during the date, insomnia, severe crying spells, doom, derealization) and was put on Lexapro and a benzo (I think Lorazepam). Was so afraid of repeating that so I stayed on Lexapro but tapered off the benzo very fast (a month). Entered abusive marriage in 2015 and started having unbearable symptoms such as burning arms and body, insomnia, deep depression, and anxiety. I felt I had no supportive environment to talk about the abuse, and instead went to a PCP for medical relief: I was put on Klonopin (1 mg a day, I think) and Trazodone (50 mg a day) by PCP in early 2016. Unsuccessful too-fast Klonopin taper 2017-2018 (jumped off at 0.125 mg at psychiatrists' urging me to do a fast taper) and went back on it late 2018. Been tapering off Klonopin since 2020 (Divorce process underway) and much later, switched to diazepam. Switched from 0.0625 mg Klonopin to 2 mg Diazepam around September 2021. Tapered Diazepam from September 2021-August 2022. As of August 2022, been taking around 0.5 mg Diazepam. But I did something foolish and temporarily went back on expired crushed powdered Clonazepam for a month or so because I was afraid of running out of Diazepam. (I say around because I was using a liquid formulation, then the liquid formulation is no longer being produced by manufacturer, and I am cutting/crushing pills). As of October 2022, here are my drugs and dosages: Lexapro 10 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg. As of February 2023: Lexapro 9 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg April 18th, 2023: Updosed to 9.2 Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg July 3rd, 2023: 10 mg Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 1 mg (updose); Dates I took Propranalol plus dosages: July 22nd (40 mg), July 17th (40 mg), June 29th (20 mg), June 16th (20 mg), May 20th (5 mg)
GrievingFirefly Posted July 23, 2023 Author Posted July 23, 2023 Update: I am able to reduce my hyperventilation by listening to Bach's Mass in B Minor. One thing I beg of you: please do not tell me I have doomed myself to a nervous system crash by updosing. I carefully studied these forums and saw that people did reinstate and updose 4.5 months out; my waves pattern was not promising thus I made this call. My anxiety and panic will spiral if you tell me I have doomed myself. Please just tell me the best course of action now. Put on Zoloft in late 2002 at almost 18 years of age. Was never told to get off the drug by the dumbass child psychiatrist who I know hate forever, and was given mistaken information of how I needed to stay off of it. Tapered off very fast (a few month taper) in summer of 2011 (about an 8.5 year history). Had an amazing month in Costa Rica drug free. Crashed fall of 2011 (passive suicidal ideation, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably during the date, insomnia, severe crying spells, doom, derealization) and was put on Lexapro and a benzo (I think Lorazepam). Was so afraid of repeating that so I stayed on Lexapro but tapered off the benzo very fast (a month). Entered abusive marriage in 2015 and started having unbearable symptoms such as burning arms and body, insomnia, deep depression, and anxiety. I felt I had no supportive environment to talk about the abuse, and instead went to a PCP for medical relief: I was put on Klonopin (1 mg a day, I think) and Trazodone (50 mg a day) by PCP in early 2016. Unsuccessful too-fast Klonopin taper 2017-2018 (jumped off at 0.125 mg at psychiatrists' urging me to do a fast taper) and went back on it late 2018. Been tapering off Klonopin since 2020 (Divorce process underway) and much later, switched to diazepam. Switched from 0.0625 mg Klonopin to 2 mg Diazepam around September 2021. Tapered Diazepam from September 2021-August 2022. As of August 2022, been taking around 0.5 mg Diazepam. But I did something foolish and temporarily went back on expired crushed powdered Clonazepam for a month or so because I was afraid of running out of Diazepam. (I say around because I was using a liquid formulation, then the liquid formulation is no longer being produced by manufacturer, and I am cutting/crushing pills). As of October 2022, here are my drugs and dosages: Lexapro 10 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg. As of February 2023: Lexapro 9 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg April 18th, 2023: Updosed to 9.2 Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg July 3rd, 2023: 10 mg Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 1 mg (updose); Dates I took Propranalol plus dosages: July 22nd (40 mg), July 17th (40 mg), June 29th (20 mg), June 16th (20 mg), May 20th (5 mg)
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted July 24, 2023 Moderator Emeritus Posted July 24, 2023 (edited) Hi GrievingFirefly. You are not doomed due to your updose. I see some "accidents" mentioned too. With both Lexapro and diazepam recently. And your menstrual cycle ovulation. Plus past and future tripping. It my take days to a couple weeks to level off. When do you take each of your drugs? Just note the time. Then drug by name and present dose. And there, there. You've been through the depths. I read of tons of loss and grief. Go easy on yourself. Grieve in other words....anything goes....truly. L, P, H, and G. mmt p s. Excellent coping with Bach! Edited July 24, 2023 by manymoretodays Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022, and again finally 5/25/24. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing
GrievingFirefly Posted July 24, 2023 Author Posted July 24, 2023 Hello thanks so much for your reply. I take 10 mg Lexapro around 9 am 1 mg Diazepam around 8:30 am/9 pm 1 mg Trazodone around 8:30 am/9 pm I have been on Lexapro 10 mg for 3 weeks since the 9.2. I updosed 4.5 months after being on 9.2. I am noticing that I am getting forehead twitches every day and headaches nearly every day. When I started the updose it was a headache once every 5-7 days, now it's nearly every day. It coincides with panic too. Please let me know if I should consider lowering down my Lexapro. It is really hard to deal with these headaches. Put on Zoloft in late 2002 at almost 18 years of age. Was never told to get off the drug by the dumbass child psychiatrist who I know hate forever, and was given mistaken information of how I needed to stay off of it. Tapered off very fast (a few month taper) in summer of 2011 (about an 8.5 year history). Had an amazing month in Costa Rica drug free. Crashed fall of 2011 (passive suicidal ideation, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably during the date, insomnia, severe crying spells, doom, derealization) and was put on Lexapro and a benzo (I think Lorazepam). Was so afraid of repeating that so I stayed on Lexapro but tapered off the benzo very fast (a month). Entered abusive marriage in 2015 and started having unbearable symptoms such as burning arms and body, insomnia, deep depression, and anxiety. I felt I had no supportive environment to talk about the abuse, and instead went to a PCP for medical relief: I was put on Klonopin (1 mg a day, I think) and Trazodone (50 mg a day) by PCP in early 2016. Unsuccessful too-fast Klonopin taper 2017-2018 (jumped off at 0.125 mg at psychiatrists' urging me to do a fast taper) and went back on it late 2018. Been tapering off Klonopin since 2020 (Divorce process underway) and much later, switched to diazepam. Switched from 0.0625 mg Klonopin to 2 mg Diazepam around September 2021. Tapered Diazepam from September 2021-August 2022. As of August 2022, been taking around 0.5 mg Diazepam. But I did something foolish and temporarily went back on expired crushed powdered Clonazepam for a month or so because I was afraid of running out of Diazepam. (I say around because I was using a liquid formulation, then the liquid formulation is no longer being produced by manufacturer, and I am cutting/crushing pills). As of October 2022, here are my drugs and dosages: Lexapro 10 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg. As of February 2023: Lexapro 9 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg April 18th, 2023: Updosed to 9.2 Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg July 3rd, 2023: 10 mg Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 1 mg (updose); Dates I took Propranalol plus dosages: July 22nd (40 mg), July 17th (40 mg), June 29th (20 mg), June 16th (20 mg), May 20th (5 mg)
GrievingFirefly Posted July 24, 2023 Author Posted July 24, 2023 Sorry I meant 4.5 months after being on 9...about 2.5 months since being on 9.2. What will be best for stabilizing my nervous system? And also are these more frequent headaches a sign that this updose is definitely too strong and will not get better? How long do I wait before trying a lower dose? Put on Zoloft in late 2002 at almost 18 years of age. Was never told to get off the drug by the dumbass child psychiatrist who I know hate forever, and was given mistaken information of how I needed to stay off of it. Tapered off very fast (a few month taper) in summer of 2011 (about an 8.5 year history). Had an amazing month in Costa Rica drug free. Crashed fall of 2011 (passive suicidal ideation, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably during the date, insomnia, severe crying spells, doom, derealization) and was put on Lexapro and a benzo (I think Lorazepam). Was so afraid of repeating that so I stayed on Lexapro but tapered off the benzo very fast (a month). Entered abusive marriage in 2015 and started having unbearable symptoms such as burning arms and body, insomnia, deep depression, and anxiety. I felt I had no supportive environment to talk about the abuse, and instead went to a PCP for medical relief: I was put on Klonopin (1 mg a day, I think) and Trazodone (50 mg a day) by PCP in early 2016. Unsuccessful too-fast Klonopin taper 2017-2018 (jumped off at 0.125 mg at psychiatrists' urging me to do a fast taper) and went back on it late 2018. Been tapering off Klonopin since 2020 (Divorce process underway) and much later, switched to diazepam. Switched from 0.0625 mg Klonopin to 2 mg Diazepam around September 2021. Tapered Diazepam from September 2021-August 2022. As of August 2022, been taking around 0.5 mg Diazepam. But I did something foolish and temporarily went back on expired crushed powdered Clonazepam for a month or so because I was afraid of running out of Diazepam. (I say around because I was using a liquid formulation, then the liquid formulation is no longer being produced by manufacturer, and I am cutting/crushing pills). As of October 2022, here are my drugs and dosages: Lexapro 10 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg. As of February 2023: Lexapro 9 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg April 18th, 2023: Updosed to 9.2 Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg July 3rd, 2023: 10 mg Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 1 mg (updose); Dates I took Propranalol plus dosages: July 22nd (40 mg), July 17th (40 mg), June 29th (20 mg), June 16th (20 mg), May 20th (5 mg)
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted July 24, 2023 Moderator Emeritus Posted July 24, 2023 (edited) Can you update your signature too please? When did you go from 50 mg to 1 mg of Trazodone? And when did you go from .5 mg diazepam to 1 mg? I'm just looking at your present signature. Edited July 24, 2023 by manymoretodays Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022, and again finally 5/25/24. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing
GrievingFirefly Posted July 24, 2023 Author Posted July 24, 2023 I'm so sorry that was a mistake. I am still at 50 mg Trazodone. I will update it now. Apologies. I am very nervous right now, hence the mistake. I went to 1 mg Diazepam on July 3rd, hoping it would help my waves of anxiety/panic/hyperventilation. It doesn.t Put on Zoloft in late 2002 at almost 18 years of age. Was never told to get off the drug by the dumbass child psychiatrist who I know hate forever, and was given mistaken information of how I needed to stay off of it. Tapered off very fast (a few month taper) in summer of 2011 (about an 8.5 year history). Had an amazing month in Costa Rica drug free. Crashed fall of 2011 (passive suicidal ideation, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably during the date, insomnia, severe crying spells, doom, derealization) and was put on Lexapro and a benzo (I think Lorazepam). Was so afraid of repeating that so I stayed on Lexapro but tapered off the benzo very fast (a month). Entered abusive marriage in 2015 and started having unbearable symptoms such as burning arms and body, insomnia, deep depression, and anxiety. I felt I had no supportive environment to talk about the abuse, and instead went to a PCP for medical relief: I was put on Klonopin (1 mg a day, I think) and Trazodone (50 mg a day) by PCP in early 2016. Unsuccessful too-fast Klonopin taper 2017-2018 (jumped off at 0.125 mg at psychiatrists' urging me to do a fast taper) and went back on it late 2018. Been tapering off Klonopin since 2020 (Divorce process underway) and much later, switched to diazepam. Switched from 0.0625 mg Klonopin to 2 mg Diazepam around September 2021. Tapered Diazepam from September 2021-August 2022. As of August 2022, been taking around 0.5 mg Diazepam. But I did something foolish and temporarily went back on expired crushed powdered Clonazepam for a month or so because I was afraid of running out of Diazepam. (I say around because I was using a liquid formulation, then the liquid formulation is no longer being produced by manufacturer, and I am cutting/crushing pills). As of October 2022, here are my drugs and dosages: Lexapro 10 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg. As of February 2023: Lexapro 9 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg April 18th, 2023: Updosed to 9.2 Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg July 3rd, 2023: 10 mg Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 1 mg (updose); Dates I took Propranalol plus dosages: July 22nd (40 mg), July 17th (40 mg), June 29th (20 mg), June 16th (20 mg), May 20th (5 mg)
GrievingFirefly Posted July 24, 2023 Author Posted July 24, 2023 I just updated my signature. Put on Zoloft in late 2002 at almost 18 years of age. Was never told to get off the drug by the dumbass child psychiatrist who I know hate forever, and was given mistaken information of how I needed to stay off of it. Tapered off very fast (a few month taper) in summer of 2011 (about an 8.5 year history). Had an amazing month in Costa Rica drug free. Crashed fall of 2011 (passive suicidal ideation, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably during the date, insomnia, severe crying spells, doom, derealization) and was put on Lexapro and a benzo (I think Lorazepam). Was so afraid of repeating that so I stayed on Lexapro but tapered off the benzo very fast (a month). Entered abusive marriage in 2015 and started having unbearable symptoms such as burning arms and body, insomnia, deep depression, and anxiety. I felt I had no supportive environment to talk about the abuse, and instead went to a PCP for medical relief: I was put on Klonopin (1 mg a day, I think) and Trazodone (50 mg a day) by PCP in early 2016. Unsuccessful too-fast Klonopin taper 2017-2018 (jumped off at 0.125 mg at psychiatrists' urging me to do a fast taper) and went back on it late 2018. Been tapering off Klonopin since 2020 (Divorce process underway) and much later, switched to diazepam. Switched from 0.0625 mg Klonopin to 2 mg Diazepam around September 2021. Tapered Diazepam from September 2021-August 2022. As of August 2022, been taking around 0.5 mg Diazepam. But I did something foolish and temporarily went back on expired crushed powdered Clonazepam for a month or so because I was afraid of running out of Diazepam. (I say around because I was using a liquid formulation, then the liquid formulation is no longer being produced by manufacturer, and I am cutting/crushing pills). As of October 2022, here are my drugs and dosages: Lexapro 10 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg. As of February 2023: Lexapro 9 mg, Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg April 18th, 2023: Updosed to 9.2 Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 0.5 mg July 3rd, 2023: 10 mg Lexapro, still Trazodone 50 mg, Diazepam 1 mg (updose); Dates I took Propranalol plus dosages: July 22nd (40 mg), July 17th (40 mg), June 29th (20 mg), June 16th (20 mg), May 20th (5 mg)
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