Glimmer: hello

[Glimmer]

Hi All,

I’ve been an observer in this forum for a while now and have learned a lot from

it. Thank you all for sharing and for  supporting each other. You’re incredibly strong, incredibly hard suffering people. No one who hasn’t been through it can even imagine.. I’ve finally created an account and I’m looking forward to talking to you. 

About myself in short: I‘ve been on 5mg Paroxetine for about 15 years and I am ready to be completely rid of it. While this seems like a small dose (in fact I’ve been told by doctors that it was ineffective and only placebo) I’ve struggled with strong withdrawal effects, both physical and mental. The withdrawals seems to have got worse with every time I’ve tried to quit (kindling, I guess). I’ve quit cold turkey about 7-8 times (between 6 weeks and 10 months). After coming across this site I realized that this was not smart and now I am trying to taper rather than stop abruptly. I am currently taking 3mg a day as drops. The symptom I suffer from most is derealisation and a constant sense of doom and terror. Anhedonia as well, if this makes sense.. I don’t feel anything but I Do feel terror about not feeling anything. At times this manifests physically (shaking, teeth chattering, insomnia, sweating). When these physical symptoms happen I tell my husband, this is how I always feel inside, only now you can see it.. 

While the doom and terror is pretty much always there and has been for about a year and a half, the physical manifestations come a bit less frequently these days, which is why I think I’m Ok to keep tapering slowly. The doom and terror ‘just’ seem to be my ‘withdrawal normal’. 
Another symptom that I’ve been struggling with is the early morning cortisol rush. It’s these morning when I wake with a fright and physically feel the panic rushing in, think ‚oh no, another day in hell‘ and sometimes start sweating and shaking. 
This is also part of what I‘m looking for advise for, please..

My question is about splitting the dose. Is this always advisable when you‘re getting into the smaller doses ? Or how do I decide if it’s suitable for me ? I used to take my dose at 9 in the morning and was wondering if I might be less vulnerable at 6am, when the cortisol rush usually happens, if I took split doses at 9am and 9pm? In fact I‘ve already started(maybe prematurely) moving towards this by halving the morning dose and moving the second one forward (3pm at the moment) but I want to get your opinion. I had a feeling that I was getting inter dose withdrawal with 3mg once a day, but I can also feel when the 1.5mg from the morning start wearing off towards the afternoon.. Is it possible to get inter- inter dose withdrawal ? Or in other words, as there always seems to be withdrawal is it maybe better to stick with taking the medication once a day? 

Thank you so much.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @Glimmer

 

You've been decreasing paroxetine since February? How did you feel after you reinstated it In January, before your first reduction in February?

 

What reductions did you make in February-April 2022? How did you feel in May, when you were taking 3.5mg?