jmcgirl09: reassurance, advice and help

[jmcgirl09]

This year has been tough.

Ive never struggled with SSRI's..going on or off as much as I have this year. It has never been a problem. 

I have been on and off (pretty much off most of the time) Citalopram for about 6 years and have been relatively fine and lived a great life with occasional annoying anxiety and panic attacks that were momentary. 

Although this year in May I thought I would try Mirtazapine. I regret making that decision so much. I took it for a month and it was awful. I hated it. I tried to come off it and it was awful..eventually did and went back on Citalopram for a month. I felt a bit sick most of the time and had my good days but I decided..like I always did..to come off it and see how I was without. At the time my doctor advised I try Escitalopram (Lexapro) at a lower dose instead. I also regret that. So thats, May: Mirtazapine, June: Citalopram, and 12 days of Escitalopram in July. On Escitalopram I got brain zaps which i had never experienced and weird dizziness. I decided to call it quits. For the two months following that I had awful brain fog and dizziness..barely any anxiety though. It was hopeless as I thought it was withdrawals but they can't last that long apparently. I got an MRI, saw a neurologist before I decided ok maybe I should just go back on Citalopram, the old reliable, and just stick to it. Ive been on it for about 3 weeks now today and feel slightly better but the first few days of taking it was hell. It feels like my brain has changed. I cant lie in. Barely sleep and my brain physically feels 'weird'. Its really hard to explain other than saying I just feel 'messed up'. Its sometimes an unbearable feeling behind the eyes and in my brain. Ive been inconsistent with work and can barely read or concentrate. Things have gotten better but im still struggling quite bad. Woke up this morning with a weird feeling in my head that made me nauseous and sick. Im fighting neurological symptoms now not anxiety and its awful. Does this ever get better? Will my brain adjust and get over this? I think switching from 3 different meds in 3 months has permanently messed me up but apparently that cant happen. Wish I never took any of these drugs as it was only for a bit of anxiety now I feel I cant do anything in life. I start a new job November 8th and want to feel good and able to actually focus. I'm usually quite a socialable person and like to work hard but now my brain makes me feel like the opposite.

 

Anyone got a similar story or advice?

Edited October 6, 2022 by manymoretodays
name to title, moved from Success Stories to Intros

[jmcgirl09]

Topic moved from Success Stories forum.  Title: Antidepressant help

 

24M, 68KG, British

 

This year has been tough.

 

Ive never struggled with SSRI's..going on or off as much as I have this year. It has never been a problem. 

I have been on and off (pretty much off most of the time) Citalopram for about 6 years and have been relatively fine and lived a great life with occasional annoying anxiety and panic attacks that were momentary. 

Although this year in May I thought I would try Mirtazapine. I regret making that decision so much. I took it for a month and it was awful. I hated it. I tried to come off it and it was awful..eventually did and went back on Citalopram for a month. I felt a bit sick most of the time and had my good days but I decided..like I always did..to come off it and see how I was without. At the time my doctor advised I try Escitalopram (Lexapro) at a lower dose instead. I also regret that. So thats, May: Mirtazapine, June: Citalopram, and 12 days of Escitalopram in July. On Escitalopram I got brain zaps which i had never experienced and weird dizziness. I decided to call it quits. For the two months following that I had awful brain fog and dizziness..barely any anxiety though. It was hopeless as I thought it was withdrawals but they can't last that long apparently. I got an MRI, saw a neurologist before I decided ok maybe I should just go back on Citalopram, the old reliable, and just stick to it. Ive been on it for about 3 weeks now today and feel slightly better but the first few days of taking it was hell. It feels like my brain has changed. I cant lie in. Barely sleep and my brain physically feels 'weird'. Its really hard to explain other than saying I just feel '***** up'. Its sometimes an unbearable feeling behind the eyes and in my brain. Ive been inconsistent with work and can barely read or concentrate. Things have gotten better but im still struggling quite bad. Woke up this morning with a weird feeling in my head that made me nauseous and sick. Im fighting neurological symptoms now not anxiety and its awful. Does this ever get better? Will my brain adjust and get over this? I think switching from 3 different meds in 3 months has permanently messed me up but apparently that cant happen. Wish I never took any of these drugs as it was only for a bit of anxiety now I feel I cant do anything in life. I start a new job November 8th and want to feel good and able to actually focus. I'm usually quite a socialable person and like to work hard but now my brain makes me feel like the opposite.

I feel like if I took a break in June instead of going on escitalopram I probably would’ve recovered but my brain hasn’t felt the same since I got the brain zaps on escitalopram. It’s like I’ve got a constant charge in my brain that’s making me dizzy and unable to focus.

I’m willing to see the citalopram through to 4-5 weeks and hope it ‘balances’ things out. Otherwise I don’t know… maybe I should’ve had a longer break than 2 months…

 

Begging for either advice or a success story…at this rate it just feels like I’m going to be like this forever and I want to make the right choices to recovery.

 

Just finished going on a run and deadlifts but felt dizzy after that

 

Edited October 7, 2022 by ChessieCat
added topic title before merging with intro topic

[manymoretodays]

Hi jmcgirl09 and welcome aboard,

Yes it gets better.  Thanks for doing your signature!  You can also add in the year, date, drug and dose if recalled that you started 6 years ago there.  And I'm sorry to hear of your recent, ?last year or last 6 months of mishaps and struggles.  Ooof.  You'll get back to the great life.  We heal.  We do.

16 hours ago, jmcgirl09 said:

I have been on and off (pretty much off most of the time) Citalopram for about 6 years and have been relatively fine and lived a great life with occasional annoying anxiety and panic attacks that were momentary. 

To edit, this link should take you right there:  AccountSettings/signature and then don't forget to hit Save at the end when you are done.

 

You may have been experiencing WD(withdrawal). And  then, more recently, a  Kindling phenomena.

See:  Hypersensitivity and Kindling  (just click on the underlined passage to read the link)

 

Did you start right up with the Citalopram at a 20 mg dose?

Here's how we usually advise a reinstatement:

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce WD symptoms

by starting real low, one can observe for improvement, and then hopefully avoid the hypersensitivity too, and also when one does decide to taper again, then there is less to taper down from.

 

I don't know how you originally came off the citalopram.  Was it abrupt?

 

We advise a harm reduction approach to taper off psychiatric drugs and recommend that a person taper by no more than 10% of their current dose with at least a 4 week hold in between decreases.

*Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

*Tips for tapering off Celexa(citalopram)

^ this also goes over some of the methods for getting non standard doses so often needed for tapering or reinstatement doses. 

 

Are you interested in eventually tapering off psychoactive drugs at this point in time?  We are a site for tapering and support for WD when it occurs.  You likely have a drug induced situation going on now, not any mental illness per se.

 

 

More about what is likely going on now and drug withdrawal:

 

Brain Remodelling

What is withdrawal syndrome?

The windows and waves pattern of stabilization

 

Dr.Glenmullen’s withdrawal symptom list.

 

 

When we take medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made.  The CNS likes stability. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system.  

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

We also don't recommend other drugs to treat WD.

 

Okay, and welcome again.  This is your introduction/journal page where you have now introduced yourself to the community, you can ask questions here regarding your tapering, and symptoms, give updates, and just keep a record of your journey.

 

Oh, as far as the run goes and deadlifts go, you may want to modify your usual exercise based on symptoms now.  See:

Exercise.....Do more, do less, do nothing? What worked for your?

 

Also see: Symptoms and Self Care  It's a whole forum devoted to finding and discussing some of the non-drug options that can help with WD and beyond.  So have a look.

 

I know I've given you what might be an overwhelming ton of information.  It's here now, for your reference.  Read some of the important information first, regarding your present situation and ask any questions that arise right here, on your page.

 

Again.......this is temporary, but may take a bit of time to resolve.  Once symptoms have arisen, it can take a little time and patience, until a new stability is reached.  And then a bit longer to heal completely.  You can do it!  And we are happy to support.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

manymoretodays(mmt)

 

 

 

Edited October 7, 2022 by manymoretodays
OMG, I forgot the link to H and K! added

[jmcgirl09]

Wish I could go back in time

 

It feels like I’ve permanently messed my head up and caused some cognitive issues…

 

I’ve never been like this with citalorpam before but ever since I messed around with 3 different drugs in 3 months my brain has just been awful. More specifically, I believe Lexapro/escitalopram is the culprit behind all of this. I only took it for 12 days or so but I got so many neurological symptoms it was awful - dizziness and brain zaps…of which I’ve never experienced previously.

 

3-4 months on my brain hasn’t been the same. I think? It’s getting better I don’t know. But I’m reading stories of people who have had SPECT images of their brain after lexapro and have done some damage to their brain. I know - I shouldn’t read horror stories, right ? I’m just so desperate to get my old self back. I was sharp, cognitively. I went back on citalorpam as I thought that would help as I’ve never had an issue with it before but I felt awful the days following.Called 999. It was like my brain was shocked by it. I felt awful before too. It’s like…what do I do? I’m on week 5 of citalorpam (week 3 of 20mg) and I’m literally praying. I get burning sensations in my head and a weird inability to read and concentrate…probably because of the burning sensations….can being on these meds such a short period of time cause such distress ? Or is there something more underlying ? I’ve had an MRI on the week I felt significantly more awful on citalopram but maybe I need another one ? I don’t know. I’d say I could get a SPECT scan but what’s the point when they’d just reveal bad news. 
 

im only 24…I start a new job that I should be excited for in London in 3 weeks….

 

what on earth is going on

 

ive been put on a low dose of amitrypiline now for the pain 

 

Edited October 20, 2022 by ChessieCat
added Intro topic title before merging with intro topic

[ChessieCat]

I've moved your new Introduction topic to your original Introduction topic.  Only one per member.  This is the place to ask questions, update and journal.

 

Please update your drug signature.  Thank you.

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

 

[Altostrata]

Hello, @jmcgirl09

 

As I understand it, you go back at least 6 years with psychiatric drugs? In your signature, please summarize your drug history prior to May.

 

We have seen that when people go on and off psychiatric drugs, their nervous systems often become sensitized to more drugs, alcohol, and sometimes even supplements and food. That is why you might have had a bad reaction to mirtazapine and the successive drugs.

 

On 10/7/2022 at 12:19 AM, jmcgirl09 said:

I decided ok maybe I should just go back on Citalopram, the old reliable, and just stick to it. Ive been on it for about 3 weeks now today and feel slightly better but the first few days of taking it was hell. It feels like my brain has changed. I cant lie in. Barely sleep and my brain physically feels 'weird'. Its really hard to explain other than saying I just feel '***** up'. Its sometimes an unbearable feeling behind the eyes and in my brain.

 

You reinstated 20mg citalopram? Your symptoms sound like it's too much for you now. If I were you, I'd reduce it to 15mg. You can cut your 20mg tablet in half and get a prescription for the liquid from your doctor, or you can make you own liquid to make up the 5mg dose. See Tips for tapering off citalopram (Celexa)

 

While it certainly seems you've had a bad time with antidepressants in the last 6 months, you've reinstated a full dose of citalopram under the supervision of your doctor. Have you discussed your current symptoms with your doctor?

 

This is a site for going off psychiatric drugs. How may we help you here?

 

[jmcgirl09]

Thank you.

 

In relation to being coming off the medication - I may need some advice whether it’s from someone who’s experienced kindling or not.

 

I am fairly certain, now, that the months following July after I stopped taking Lexapro after 10 days of use was in fact a prolonged withdrawal. Especially considering I was also on citalopram and mirtazapine prior to that for a total of 2 months. I did not realise how powerful Lexapro would be even at a low dosage. Brain zaps and dizziness whilst on them and coming off them.

 

I saw a neurologist and got an MRI as the symptoms were very real and nothing I had experienced or thought where withdrawals. My brain for those 2 months was obviously in shock, but I believed the chemical imbalance theory, got impatient, and decided to try Citalopram - a drug I’ve historically used (rather short term) and never had this ordeal with.  
 

As above - I experienced and awful awful sensation in my head and cognitive impairment, sharp pains in my

head and vomiting. I have come to the conclusion that this is probably kindling/hypersensitivity due to never been aware of this phenomenon.

 

I am 5 weeks into citalopram, 3 weeks into 20mg, and while i don’t have the awful shock factor I experienced in the initial week of reinstatement, my brain still feels horrible. I struggle to

read, to focus, get gagging sensation - something I’d get from my standard anxiety in my stomach but this is from my head, pupils are different sizes, quite bad loss of weight, exercise intolerance due to dizziness and thickness of head. 
 

While the above symptoms have slightly

improved - they’re still not great. I’m supposed to be starting a really nice job in 2 weeks but it’s upsetting to be feeling like this leading up to this opportunity. 
 

Ultimately, I can carry on with this medication or take a long long break. In hindsight it’s what I should’ve done instead of reinstating Citalopram but what’s done is done. 

 

My brain may still be in shock from the reinstatement so if I decide to taper off, I could see a gradual improvement. That, or withdrawals and further pain that I have to endure whilst it then eventually gets better.

 

I suppose if I go down the discontinuation route, considering being on the drug for only 5 weeks - 3 weeks of 20mg as opposed to 10 - how should I go about this?

 

I could take 10mg for a week and see how I get on ? I know it’s half the dosage - it’s a gamble on whether my brain likes the change due to hypersensitivity being on the drug or whether it will cause further hypersensitivity. 
 

advice ? 
 

thank you in advance.

 

Edited October 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed white space at bottom of post

[manymoretodays]

On 10/20/2022 at 1:00 PM, jmcgirl09 said:

ive been put on a low dose of amitrypiline now for the pain 

 

Hi jmcgirl09, @jmcgirl09

Can you add that to your signature please.  Date, name of drug, and dose?

AccountSettings/signature/updates/edits 

 

Please check your drugs for interactions as well:  DrugInteractionsChecker-Drugs.com and then post a link to the report here or copy and paste

 

What time do you take your drugs?  Just note the time, drug by name, and dose right here in a reply

 

When did your symptoms get worse?  Date? 

Did you see this:

On 10/20/2022 at 6:22 PM, Altostrata said:

You reinstated 20mg citalopram? Your symptoms sound like it's too much for you now. If I were you, I'd reduce it to 15mg. You can cut your 20mg tablet in half and get a prescription for the liquid from your doctor, or you can make you own liquid to make up the 5mg dose. See Tips for tapering off citalopram (Celexa)

And you'll see the rest of that post above now.  Take a look. 

 

Ultimately, is your goal to taper off medications?  That's what we are asking.  If not, this is really something your prescriber(s) should be managing.

I don't mean to be cold and am really sorry as to how your symptoms are coming up now, with plans for a new job coming up and a ?move. 

It is so very important to take care of yourself, including being very pro-active in your care, and self care.  Most of us didn't know either, and ran into problems with these drugs often worse than what we originally sought care for.  And yes, some of this may be related to an intitial adverse effect with the Lexapro, and then further sensitivities as drugs have been added back, AND WD(withdrawal).  So no need to feel bad now, okay?  I mean that.  You could not have known.  Maybe this is an opportunity, now that you know.......  Do use Drugs.com going forward to check individual drugs and then also to check for interactions, if you do continue with the drugs, or with any future prescriptions.  No doubt you are sensitive, like many of us, now.

 

Oh best sweetie, L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

Edited October 24, 2022 by manymoretodays

[jmcgirl09]

So I left my old job feeling somewhat better and on the way up. I allowed myself the pleasure of having a few beers but ultimately that caused a downward spiral of sensitivity. Ive learnt from that now. I started my new job and im 3 weeks in although the neurological pain is still there and getting very bad malaise. I cant explain this feeling but I just feel...awful. I also feel so out of it. I hope its not derealization/depersonalisation as they sound so scary, but to be fair, this is scary so it may be a form off that. Im officially of these drugs and while I may have tapered down quicker than I shouldve, I felt awful either way due to the hypersensitivity. This new job is great and its everything I wanted in May before starting these awful drugs that have short-circuited my brain. Its incredibly sad that im not able to be the person I was 6 months ago and that I am struggling with constant headaches, dizziness, extreme malaise, brain fog, cognitive issues, nausea, vomiting and a spaced out feeling. I cant do the gym like I used to - I used to be so strong and consistent...now I just get so dizzy and I'm weak. I'll get back there though. Thankfully I havent been on these drugs consistently for years but it feels like the chemical soup has done some damage to my brain. I find it so baffling that I am experiencing this that I have been desperate to find other causes behind this. Ive had 2 MRIs now. I dont know what else I can check...its like the blood isnt flowing to my brain. I almost wish it was something else as opposed to drug use. Oh well lets see - time is supposed to be the healer. I have made my new manager aware and reckon I'll have to quit or take some months out.

[Altostrata]

Sorry to hear you're still suffering from withdrawal syndrome. 

 

What we see here over and over that if people reinstate a very low amount of the drug, such as 1mg citalopram in your case, they gradually feel much better. Then they can taper off by tiny amounts later. Citalopram is available in a prescription liquid that makes this easier. 

 

Please read this again About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce WD symptoms

[jmcgirl09]

Hi @Altostrata

 

Thank you. Im considering it although its somewhat giving me peace of mind im off these drugs and the longer im off them the more confidence ill have that im closer to recovery...although it may not workout like that. Im so sick of feeling unwell. The last 6 months have been such a blur. Because of the kindling effect, im scared to do anything but wait it out and try my best to battle through this the best I can. I wish I never re-instated in September as the doctor convinced me my dizziness and eye pain etc was all versions of anxiety manifesting itself in different ways. It was just an obvious long withdrawal in hindsight now - if only I knew of this website before. Im in such a difficult scenario now where I dont know what to do . I cant function in this new job despie it being the thing I wanted pre-meds. I can barely function at all due to a horrible neurological feeling in my head..can barely read, concentrate etc. Again, im so baffled this has happened to me despite not being on the drugs for ages. 

 

Thank you for getting in touch, i'll consider the 1mg.

 

 

[jmcgirl09]

What gives me hope is stories such as this. Although, it doesn't sound like that person suffered from kindling. This kindling concept has left me in a very bad state. I'm finding it difficult to find success stories where people have experienced kindling. The aspect of feeling out of it and awful remain, although some symptoms appear and change - thats the only aspect that gives me hope because it feels like progress.... It's so hard to know what to do, especially when its hard for me on a cognitive level - my cognition being something I valued a lot. Ive got a new job and its everything I wanted but I just cant do it...its so upsetting. My head just feels so bad all the time. Before meds I used to be so self motivated, not turned off by anything and worked hard. I feel to brittle now and cant handle anything. I miss me so so much.

 

Ive considered reinstating 1-2mg of citalopram to see if it stabilizes me but I'm in an incredibly complicated situation where I still felt bad on Citalopram too. Saying that, there was a week, where I dropped the dose and I did feel slightly more with it. Either way I wasnt great. I'm not sure whether I should just wait it out like the user in the above link and hope over time it gets better or reintroduce a small dose..its so hard to know..in a weeks time without drugs I may feel better than now...I dont know. 

 

I'm trying to gym most days in terms of running 1km because I know it induces neuroplasticity. Trying my best. I might try and stay away from tea and coffee altogether as I had a small coffee yesterday and, whether it was a coincidence, I felt horrendous about 1hr afterward.

 

I have belief that time will heal this. It's just hard to stay so strong day in and day out. No one should ever have to go through with this.

[Altostrata]

How are you doing, @jmcgirl09?

[jmcgirl09]

Hi @Altostrata

 

Not amazing but getting there day by day. Tried to go for a run and did what I could to encourage neuroplasicity. Got quite lightheaded though. I got sharp pain behind my eyes and in my brain last week but that seems to have gone now. 
 

At the moment it’s just a cognitive, visual and focus impairment that hopefully will

improve. It really does just feel like my brain is bruised and has taken a beating. 

Trying to communicate the extent of what I’m going through with my job and them match their expectations around that; hopefully soon enough things shall be brighter.

 

thank you:)

[jmcgirl09]

My head is absolutely killing me. It’s unbearable and it’s not a typical headache or migraine it’s different. I have a bit of Tinnitus too. I’m really considering the tiny reinstatement now …everything just feels like a bet. I’m scared it’ll make me feel worse. I wish I could see a path and light at the end of the tunnel & just follow it through with confidence that it will get better. I’m so confused how I’ve ended up like this. 

[Altostrata]

Nobody seems to like withdrawal syndrome.

[jmcgirl09]

Been signed off work but still don’t have a lot of hope in being fully recovered in time for when they expect me to be. They’ve sent off my case to an expert through their private service whether it be neurologist or psychiatrist. I’m happy to do that but, again, don’t have much hope in that either. 
 

I have been seeing slight windows of feeling better - or “less bad”. Friday I put in my diary as being a 8.8/10 in terms of normal brain function in the evening. Although, last night I saw some friends and for an hour I felt awful in my head and nauseous. It got less bad as the evening went on. Because I’m hypersensitive right now I can probably attribute that to drinking a sugary drink? I don’t know anymore it’s hard to keep track of things when it affects my cognition and overall well-being. 
 

Today I don’t feel great. It’s a really hard to put into words this horrible sensation in my brain. Dizziness has also been a on & off thing.

 

in officially 1 month off the medication now and still contemplate the minute reinstatement, particularly when I feel bad but then have some drive to push on without when I get windows of feeling less bad. I tend to feel worse throughout the day and better in the evening but it’s not always the case.

 

It’s still upsetting me though. I want me back and to enjoy the great life I have. I have such great friends, family and opportunity - all the more reason it upsets me because sometimes I feel like they don’t deserve this as much as I don’t. 
 

I did suggest the minor reinstatement to the expert and waiting on opinion if I care to listen to it. 
 

My mum spoke to someone at a gathering who is somehow psychic and somehow knew I was suffering and said I need pregabalin. But strange..not going to jump onto that but it’s in the back of my mind. Ultimately I just want to be free of meds but I suppose that’s what everyone would like.

[Altostrata]

Pregabalin gets a lot of buzz these days. This site exists because people go to doctors and try and try to find maybe a miracle drug but nothing works. I once did that, I talked to dozens of doctors and spent thousands of dollars. Up to you if you want to go down that route. If you happen to find someone who knows something, please report back.

[jmcgirl09]

I called my doctor regarding my symptoms and to request a liquid citalopram but didn’t seem to understand why I would want it. He said 1mg - 2mg is nothing and told me to take Diazepam to reduce my symptoms. I said it’s not for the original issue regarding anxiety but for neurological withdrawal symptoms. He said the liquid comes in 40mg so it would be difficult to take 1mg and that dose is tiny so it wouldn’t do anything. I’m not taking diazepam. He doesn’t understand. He told me to come down to see them face to face as it would be better but I’ve done that before 4-5 times and what are they going to do? Measure my blood pressure again? I may have to resort to either making my own liquid or take 2.5mg citalorpam as I can cut it down to that. I just want out of this.

[jmcgirl09]

I tried to cut down my own citalopram and reckon I’ve got about 7 around 1mg - 1.5mg. Tried most will be 1.25mg. Tried 1.25mg yesterday but I’ve felt significantly worse today…well. I seemed to be pretty bad the days before as well so I don’t know. It’s likely I’ve left it too long. Woke up extremely nauseous and then was sick because of gagging. I’m not sure why the gagging comes on but it’s always there when my head feels like it’s throbbing. I haven’t taken another 1.25mg today. Gettign the metallic/blood/burning smell again. Hopefully time will heal. I’m really struggling. 

[jmcgirl09]

Just got the report back from my works expert medical opinion service and this was from a consultant psychiatrist. 

He suggests I have a thyroid function test and that I also take a high dose of a broad spectrum antidepressant such as venlafaxine.

 

I proposed: “do you think my symptoms could be related to hypersensitivity reaction to medication” and response was along the lines of the the chronology does not fit and I have high levels of vigilance to side effects.

 

I mean that doesn’t explain why I feel worse when I’m not in anything and I drink coffee, does it?

 

Overall “likely case of escalating somatoform anxiety” …

 

hmmm

[manymoretodays]

1 hour ago, jmcgirl09 said:

I tried to cut down my own citalopram and reckon I’ve got about 7 around 1mg - 1.5mg. Tried most will be 1.25mg. Tried 1.25mg yesterday but I’ve felt significantly worse today…well. I seemed to be pretty bad the days before as well so I don’t know. It’s likely I’ve left it too long. Woke up extremely nauseous and then was sick because of gagging. I’m not sure why the gagging comes on but it’s always there when my head feels like it’s throbbing. I haven’t taken another 1.25mg today. Gettign the metallic/blood/burning smell again. Hopefully time will heal. I’m really struggling. 

 

Hi jmcgirl09,

Okay I am just looking at this one ^, your post.  Are you reinstating now with citalopram?

It's important to try and stick with it, for 4-7 days bare minimum.......unless it really does seem to be sensitivity/adverse reaction.

Just know that one day is not always significant.

Are these symptoms intolerable?  Much worse than symptoms you had prior to reinstatement?

Can you stay with just one dose for a whole week?  Taken at the same time and same dosage?

 

I'd venture to say 1 mg is the dose to stay at.  Start low.  You know.  I think you do.  Your mind is making you act accordingly perhaps.

Refreshers:

-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-reduce-withdrawal-symptoms

 

-tips-for-tapering-off-celexa-citalopram

 

Making a Celexa solution yourself
See  how-to-make-a-liquid-from-tablets-or-capsules

 

23 minutes ago, jmcgirl09 said:

Just got the report back from my works expert medical opinion service and this was from a consultant psychiatrist. 

He suggests I have a thyroid function test and that I also take a high dose of a broad spectrum antidepressant such as venlafaxine.

 

I proposed: “do you think my symptoms could be related to hypersensitivity reaction to medication” and response was along the lines of the the chronology does not fit and I have high levels of vigilance to side effects.

 

I mean that doesn’t explain why I feel worse when I’m not in anything and I drink coffee, does it?

 

Overall “likely case of escalating somatoform anxiety” …

 

hmmm

 

Ooooh,  jmcgirl09.  You have got WD.  And an unstable nervous system......struggling to get back some homeostasis.

Let me post this and look back more to see what you need help with in managing symptoms.

Ugh......no, not venlafaxine......nooo, I wouldn't if it were me.

Thyroid......I don't know, I mean it's unlikely it is primary thyroid problem in my humble opinion.

I skated around with thyroid concerns while medicated and after for awhile.  I even tried Armour Thyroid(pig thyroid) briefly. 

All normal now.  I mean that is just me, but........

 

Okay, hugs.  Rooting for you.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited December 23, 2022 by manymoretodays

[manymoretodays]

-what-to-do-for-dizziness-queasiness-nausea

 

-migraine-headache-neck-ache-pain-and-head-pressure

 

-vision-symptoms-floaters-snow-blurreddimmed-vision-twitching-dry-eyes-and-pain

 

(scroll to first post and start there, if the links take you to the end......I hope not.  peace)

 

-the-rule-of-3kis-keep-it-simple-keep-it-slow-keep-it-stable

 

Edited December 23, 2022 by manymoretodays
added one more

[Altostrata]

On 12/22/2022 at 2:44 AM, jmcgirl09 said:

I called my doctor regarding my symptoms and to request a liquid citalopram but didn’t seem to understand why I would want it. He said 1mg - 2mg is nothing and told me to take Diazepam to reduce my symptoms. I said it’s not for the original issue regarding anxiety but for neurological withdrawal symptoms. He said the liquid comes in 40mg so it would be difficult to take 1mg and that dose is tiny so it wouldn’t do anything. I’m not taking diazepam. He doesn’t understand. He told me to come down to see them face to face as it would be better but I’ve done that before 4-5 times and what are they going to do? Measure my blood pressure again? I may have to resort to either making my own liquid or take 2.5mg citalorpam as I can cut it down to that. I just want out of this.

 

This site exists because it's almost impossible to find a doctor anywhere who understands withdrawal or grasps the principle of low-dose reinstatement.

 

You could go to specialists forever and not find a one who has a clue. See How to talk to a doctor about tapering and withdrawal? What to expect?

 

If you'd like to try low-dose reinstatement, which many of our members have found to be successful, you can either make a firm request to your doctor for the prescription liquid or make your own liquid citalopram with a tablet and water. See Tips for tapering off citalopram (Celexa)

 

[jmcgirl09]

Hi @Altostrata

They really don’t understand. I suppose I took the route of talking to a psychiatrist because it was part of my works expert medical option service and also for the sake of people that don’t really fully understand - probs made it worse though in that regard as the psychiatrist himself doesn’t either. 
 

Anyway. Ive been thinking about reinstatement even though I thought I reacted badly the other day. It’s hard. I could give it a week and see …or I could just carry on without as it just seems like a risk to me , unless I’m overthinking it. I understand it’s hard for you to comment  further on the steps I should take. When looking back at the year I realise that the first two medications I tried Mirtazapine (made me more anxious) and then citalopram (evened out but still got nausea) I was cognitively and neurologically ok on but it was just the debilitating anxiety that was worse. Although as soon as I took Escitalorpam/lexapro thats when I got the neurological shock, dizziness etc. I only took that for 12 days at 5mg before stopping. It is more likely that the mixture has caused the nervous system shock - aggravated by a drug that is more powerful than I think gps realise. It makes me think whether even getting on a super low dose of that would be better than citalopram? I don’t know. That’s also a huge risk because it’s another different one, the one that made things worse - the original cause of why I’m  left in this state - trialing different ones then stopping. 

 

I do get waves of feeling like I may be getting better but it’s hard to say because whenever I try and concentrate I realise I’m not ok and when I shower with hot/cold I get dizzy and lightheaded - same when I exercise. My eyes sting and have very big veins in them. They feel dry too. Smell of metallic/burning/blood comes and goes.
 

What a year this has been. 
 

Merry Christmas everyone.

 

 

[Erimus]

You probably want to hold off with intensive exercise whilst in early withdrawal. Anything that increases your heart rate too much upsets your already hurting nervous system. I would recommend sticking with low intensity activities like long walks in nature or yoga.

Concentration improves with time, don’t punish yourself for what you can’t do now. Focus on doing what you have to do to survive and anything extra is a bonus in early recovery.

[jmcgirl09]

Hey @manymoretodays 

 

I forgot to say thank you for your advice. Reinstating is a constant but extremely

scary thought.  I want to but don’t lol. At the moment I’m getting blips of feeling less bad but then all of a sudden symptoms that seem worse. My eyes have been incredibly dry and sting recently. I had some eye drops and also some Chinese food which most likely has msg - I don’t know whether those two factors have contributed to now feeling absolutely terrible. My brain feels acidic and awful. Nausea etc. I’m scared reinstating will have a similar effect but also conscious that it may stabilise. There was a time in about end of October when I was coming off these meds that I felt more stable and could even drink coffee. I still felt unstable but more stable than now if that makes sense.

[Altostrata]

I am confused. What do you mean by "Ive been thinking about reinstatement even though I thought I reacted badly the other day". What happened the other day?

 

 

Quote

 

May 22 : Mirtazapine 15mg for 5 weeks

June 22: taper off mirt onto Citalopram 20mg

Mid-July 22: escitalopram 5mg for 12 days & then stopped

Rest of July 22: nothing

August: nothing

September 1st - 15th: nothing

September 16th - : citalopram 20mg

October 21st - Citalopram 10mg (felt less bad)

November 4th - Citalopram 5mg

November 11th - Citalopram 2.5mg

November 18th - nothing.

 

 

When you went from mirtazapine to 20mg citalopram, how did you feel while taking citalopram in June-July?

 

Why did you switch to 5mg escitalopram in mid-July? How did you feel while taking escitalopram?

 

What do you mean by "felt less bad" when you were taking 10mg citalopram in October?

[manymoretodays]

9 hours ago, jmcgirl09 said:

Hey @manymoretodays 

 

I forgot to say thank you for your advice. Reinstating is a constant but extremely

scary thought.  I want to but don’t lol. At the moment I’m getting blips of feeling less bad but then all of a sudden symptoms that seem worse. My eyes have been incredibly dry and sting recently. I had some eye drops and also some Chinese food which most likely has msg - I don’t know whether those two factors have contributed to now feeling absolutely terrible. My brain feels acidic and awful. Nausea etc. I’m scared reinstating will have a similar effect but also conscious that it may stabilise. There was a time in about end of October when I was coming off these meds that I felt more stable and could even drink coffee. I still felt unstable but more stable than now if that makes sense.

 

Hi jmcgirl09,

Yes, that makes sense.  Was it the end of October and early November then that you felt a bit more stable yet unstable?

I see in your signature that was 10 mg of citalopram, and then going to 5 mg.

 

Waves and windows.  Again that can often be a sign that things ARE improving.  Oh it can be so slow.  And so influenced by everything under the Sun sometimes.  Eyedrops are fine......especially just saline eye drops.  I've started using some due to my astigmatism now, and after reading the brochure at the eye doctors.  It said dry eyes contribute.

MSG can be a factor even for those not in WD type states, to changing how they feel.

 

Your previous post had sounded like you were trying a small reinstatement.  So that was what I wondered, if you had been.

If you do or are, it really is best to be consistent......and not let the day to day or hour by hour lead to quick decisions to change things or abandon the trial.  Consistency.  Same dose, same time, same drug for 4 to 7 days before making a decision as to if it is helpful or not.  Of course, if you feel sure it's an adverse reaction right away.......there is not much you can do but quit.

Can you NOTE take?  I just think that is so objective, and then helpful that way, and helps us to help you too.

Time on the left.  Drug(s) by name and dose on the right, also any supplements.  Activities, symptoms as they occur also on the right.  Sleep.  Intakes of food.  Exercise.  Social.......all those to the right of times throughout the day.

 

Alto has specific questions above for you too jmcgirl09.  Try to answer the best you can.

 

Oh dear......I'm sorry it remains such a struggle.  So much sounds like fear/anxiety.  Stay present.  Are you alone most of the time in a new environment?  That could be so off putting for you.......I would think.

 

Okay, and best.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[jmcgirl09]

Hi @Altostrata

 

14 hours ago, Altostrata said:

I am confused. What do you mean by "Ive been thinking about reinstatement even though I thought I reacted badly the other day". What happened the other day?

 

 

 

When you went from mirtazapine to 20mg citalopram, how did you feel while taking citalopram in June-July?

 

Why did you switch to 5mg escitalopram in mid-July? How did you feel while taking escitalopram?

 

What do you mean by "felt less bad" when you were taking 10mg citalopram in October?

 

Sorry it was last Thursday I took 1.25mg that I could somewhat cut from my pill cutter. Then the Friday I felt worse - not significantly but moderately. As @manymoretodays mentioned - I should’ve maybe persevered with at least 4-7 days if I was to go down that route. it’s very difficult to say if you feel

worse or better because the intensity of my symptoms seem to fluctuate anyway. 
 

As for going onto Citalopram in June. I would say I felt better then than I do now. I was still low and didn’t feel great but the ramp up in neurological symptoms happened on taking the escitalopram afterward. While on citalopram I could use my brain fine and my vision wasn’t ‘off’ as it is now but I did have nausea very frequently and intermittent anxiety. I suspect that was maybe lingers effects of the bad experience I had with Mirtazapine and possibly the addition of another drug. I wouldn’t say my nervous system was destabilised at this point and suspect it wouldn’t have if I tapered off at that point (despite only being on both for a total of 2 months). Generally speaking I have never had issues with Citalopram until this year and trying other medications - I.e. when I reinstated citalopram 10mg in September and kindled my nervous system. 
 

The reason I switched to escitalopram 5mg was due to being swayed in that direction. I continued to have nausea on Citalopram and run out of the drug. I called my doctor for another prescription or to review things. I decided that I would be best doing what I’ve done in the past successfully - that being coming off the meds and carrying on the in gym as the gym was great for me. We decided to come off and told me to just stop the meds. After speaking to family they were concerned that this was a rash decision, I got another appointment and the doctor recommended escitalopram as it’s a newer, generally more effective drug. I was apprehensive but thought ok. Because it sounded like Citalorpam I was convinced because I thought Citalopram hasn’t been too detrimental on me before and it may “be the one”. As soon as I took it all these neurological symptoms started but tried to persevere.

 

As for October - when I kindled my nervous system on citalorpam 10mg reinstatement. I gave it 6-7 weeks , increasing the dose in that time to 20mg and decided with my doctor that it’s not helping. It’s also when I found this site and the concept of hypersensitivity. I decided to come off the drug. I saw improvement in my focus, less dizziness, and ability to even drink coffee when dropping from citalopram 20mg to 10mg. I then felt even better when I reached 5mg, then 2.5mg. I held that for maybe 5-6 days and because the symptoms were improving on the lower dose I reach I was eager to drop it more and more until 0mg. I suppose in hindsight it was mistake - potentially 5mg or 2.5mg would’ve been a decent stability point? I don’t know. That’s why I’m considering a proper reinstatement, although its 5 weeks off now, almost 6. Despite the debilitating effects and how this has gone on for so long, I’m still in two minds. I do think? I’m improving but then I will get some symptoms and think I’m not I.e. this morning I woke up so dizzy, nauseous and a bit anxious, although in the evening I felt a bit more able to focus. I still don’t think I’ll be able to go back to work properly though as there will be a certain level of commuting expectation and I don’t think I’ll be able to meet. 

[Altostrata]

Please re-read The windows and waves pattern of stabilization

 

[jmcgirl09]

I’m on day 2 of a 1.25mg reinstatement and my head feels absolutely dreadful and I can’t look up/ get up without getting extremely dizzy

[Altostrata]

You might make a liquid and take only 0.5mg.

[jmcgirl09]

Been on 0.5mg for the rest of the week and either way feel bad. If these small doses gave a minor therapeutic effect I might have considered continuing but i feel like it may just be adding further complications. I may be wrong and should give it longer than I have. Not sure.. all of this is guess work. Despite the amazing help this website and the members have been, I might try and stay off it for a little while. It’s easy so just spend hours in despair on my phone searching for what might help other than time itself. Think I just need time and to be proactive in keeping things simple, eating fresh food, exercising in what shape or form I can & hopefully come back in the following months saying I’ve seen improvement. Waves and windows. Thanks everyone so so much so far. 

[Erimus]

After the initial, often frantic, search for answers many of us come to the realisation that only time can really fix us. You have to go through the chaotic phase to reach the acceptance stage.

 

Thats one of the hardest hurdles in this journey. Just remember, you will heal, but it’s really hard for a very long time. 

[Altostrata]

8 hours ago, jmcgirl09 said:

Been on 0.5mg for the rest of the week and either way feel bad. If these small doses gave a minor therapeutic effect I might have considered continuing but i feel like it may just be adding further complications.

 

You may need to give this more than a few days. If you absolutely cannot be patient, you'll need to find some way to cope with whatever withdrawal syndrome is underlying.