Murkyjuice: Zoloft and Seroquel user

[Murkyjuice]

Hi folks,

 

have been looking online and through these forums but never actually decided to post in one until now.

 

I have consistently been on a regular dose of Zoloft and a higher dose of Seroquel to treat treatment resistant depression. This year has been a real toughie and only now have I just started to become self sufficient on my own but looking back I didn't understand why I had been put on such a high dose. When I was first hospitalized it was speculated I had bipolar but it was never confirmed which and I was later diagnosed with MDD.

 

My then-current psychiatrist had put me on Zoloft and Seroquel and I feel he had put me on it to begin with in response to this initial speculation of bipolar and had been in contact with the psych-ward about it. Either way no matter how it came about I truly feel that Seroquel has actively made my life worse and robbed me of making deep, lasting memories that I could have looked back on now fondly and without any attachment, more excited for what lies ahead. Increased me weight, kept me so sedated to the point of lying down during lecture halls and lunches during my job shifts.

 

Again and again these symptoms were written off and I felt increasingly stupid and humiliated to keep bringing this up as he had since dismissed it. Now I have this deep resentment and anger towards him, for something that very well could have helped me in ways I could have noticed, but my official diagnosis was depression and he has kept me on 400mg Seroquel for going on 6 years now and I am terrified what it could have done to my body and mind since then.

 

And now looking ahead I already know withdrawal is going to be hell and he has added on Lamictal despite my protest. Life is good now. Real good, I mean it. But this fatigue, something I can without a doubt attribute to the antipsychotics, has since ruined me and I don't know how to vent this frustration except through some kind of dialogue like this, even if there is no response.

 

I've seen a lot of members here also having difficult relationships with their psychiatrist and hopefully i could somehow connect with those people, whether through them glancing at this or even being aware of this posts' existence just by the title or even, just possibly, someone responding with what their own experience was like, specifically those who have taken Seroquel.

 

Well, that's enough rambling there. Don't think this makes for a great introduction at all but this it is all I can feel currently, hope you (anyone?) can parse the existence of this thing here.

 

Edited October 8, 2022 by ChessieCat
added spacing

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @Murkyjuice

 

As I understand it, you are under the current care of a psychiatrist, and he has recently added lamotrigine to your drugs?

 

If you don't like this psychiatrist, why have you not found one who would help you decrease your drugs?

 

To help us out, follow these instructions Please summarize your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

 

 

[Murkyjuice]

On 10/10/2022 at 9:35 PM, Altostrata said:

If you don't like this psychiatrist, why have you not found one who would help you decrease your drugs?

 

I have been with this psychiatrist for upwards of 6 years. Although we do not always agree his intentions are sincere and he has extensive experience. A lot of my complaints have fallen on deaf ears because of how anxious and paranoid I am even on high doses so lowering it was not something he was willing to risk.

 

Symptoms became so unbearable I made an ultimatum of lowering Seroquel or I would do it on my own and he conceded. Even then the sedation and anxiety was still interfering so much that I began lowering Zoloft without his supervision

[Altostrata]

On 10/7/2022 at 5:35 PM, Murkyjuice said:

he has added on Lamictal despite my protest

 

Unless you are under court order, you may refuse any drug. When was the Lamictal added? It may cause fatigue and fogginess.

 

What have been your drug changes in the last month? Please do not change the dosing of your 3 drugs at the same time. We advise tapering only one drug at a time.

[Murkyjuice]

On 10/25/2022 at 2:27 PM, Altostrata said:

 

Unless you are under court order, you may refuse any drug. When was the Lamictal added? It may cause fatigue and fogginess.

 

 

The lamictal was added when I was in the hospital, this was a year ago. I believe the added effect may have just made that already existing fatigue worse but I could be completely wrong. The only thing I can currently rule out with absolute certainty is the seroquel, something I've taken for so long at the insistence of both my parents and psychiatrist, too afraid to have me try something else. 

 

It was and still is, so, so frustrating. I don't know when this nightmare will end. The akathisia I had while hospitalized was only counted as aggression and prolonged my stay, and then coming out I had dealt with subsequent panic attacks each night, which I had never experienced prior. It was only up until two months ago I began serious independent research and have been able to attribute this unending fatigue and dread to this medicine and for so long, not knowing how it has shaped my brain.

 

It is never good to dwell on these things, but moving forward I still must pay the toll of tapering and coming off of it completely, which could take up to six months. And those previous six years that I have made sure to make the best use of still eats at me, to think of how much more fulfilling my life could have been during that time. This fear and anxiety, even as I type this, seems to have no end. There are windows of genuine happiness now coming off of it, and for that I am grateful. I am realistically going to aim to get off of this med completely by May of next year. 

[morgana]

hi @Murkyjuice i understand where your coming from i was first diagnosed with just depression and put on Zoloft it caused me to lose the plot..however i was forced to take it and eventually was put on zyprexa.and they settled on cipramil ..i began hallucinating and was eventually diagnosed with clinical depression, borderline personality disorder and than shizio effective disorder...they told me i had a chemical imbalance and needed the medication just like a diabetic needed their medication...so i took it as every time i cold turkeyed off it i would end up in hospital due to no sleep...

 

in Australia the Mental Health System does not support you unless you take your medication...its as simple as that...so if you really want to get off these drugs you need to educate yourself, choose your independence and rely on your own intuition on what is best for you only...therefore if you cannot find a pych who can support you...then just do it yourself without doctors support...tell them you are taking it as you will still need to get your prescriptions...they do not need to know you are slowly tapering...

 

zoloft made me very anxious..so that would be the first one you would taper before the anti pychotic...and yes you will go through anger, anxiety, just continue thinking what your end goal is...to be off these drugs, to have your health back and your feelings and emotions and to feel more human...good luck!

[Murkyjuice]

I cannot stay awake

 

Currently in the process of tapering Seroquel and have never felt more conscious and alive in years.

 

The tapering effects have become a nightmare, having an otherwise normal day until the paranoia comes from being sleep deprived the entire day. Maintaining exercise and meditation in effective doses, and I spend most of the day lying down, sitting whenever able to. Need regular naps in the middle of any task, regardless of how simple or complex.

 

I do not want to resort to coffee but I do not know what else to do. I am barely able to tolerate this now so the idea of dealing with this for the next couple months terrifies me.

 

Does anyone have any tips?

 

Edited October 29, 2022 by ChessieCat
added topic title before merging with intro topic

[Murkyjuice]

23 minutes ago, morgana said:

they told me i had a chemical imbalance and needed the medication just like a diabetic needed their medication...

I had been told the exact same thing

24 minutes ago, morgana said:

therefore if you cannot find a pych who can support you...then just do it yourself without doctors support...tell them you are taking it as you will still need to get your prescriptions...they do not need to know you are slowly tapering...

This would be ideal, the only problem now being that I am currently on Seroquel XR and I have been told it is unwise to cut those pills. I am currently cutting the Zoloft but even through my best rationalizations I still see myself maintaining Zoloft in some capacity for the long term, at least for now. I am very afraid of SSRI withdrawals but right now I can tolerate antipsychotic withdrawals because of how much I do not want to be on them anymore

 

29 minutes ago, morgana said:

yes you will go through anger, anxiety, just continue thinking what your end goal is...to be off these drugs, to have your health back and your feelings and emotions and to feel more human...good luck!

I have been on these medications for so long that I do not remember life without them. I am being extremely cautious right now and the last thing I want to do is reinstate any medication ever, even if it's just going back to a higher dose. I know there will come a time where I will inevitably go back to a higher dose, but that hasn't happened so far, I am holding out hope that for every decrease I do, it is for good. Whatever else may happen, I want that to be a last resort

[ChessieCat]

1 hour ago, Murkyjuice said:

I cannot stay awake

 

Currently in the process of tapering Seroquel and have never felt more conscious and alive in years.

 

The tapering effects have become a nightmare, having an otherwise normal day until the paranoia comes from being sleep deprived the entire day. Maintaining exercise and meditation in effective doses, and I spend most of the day lying down, sitting whenever able to. Need regular naps in the middle of any task, regardless of how simple or complex.

 

I do not want to resort to coffee but I do not know what else to do. I am barely able to tolerate this now so the idea of dealing with this for the next couple months terrifies me.

 

Does anyone have any tips?

 

 

You say you are sleep deprived.  Are you experiencing insomnia?  This is a common withdrawal symptom.

 

From your signature:

 

Seroquel Aug 300mg  slow taper down Sept 200mg Oct 150mg

 

Please add the dates to your drug signature.  If you don't know the exact date state early, mid, late.  Thank you.

 

You've gone from 300mg in August to 200mg in September a 33% reduction and then made a 25% reduction one month? later to 150mg in October.

 

If this all started after you made these reductions then you might consider making a small updose.  It will depend on what date you made your reductions what dose we would suggest.  Please write a post (as well as editing your signature) so that I get notified.

 

Post #1 of this topic explains how to get non standard doses:

 

Tips for tapering off quetiapine (Seroquel)

[ChessieCat]

On 10/26/2022 at 5:27 AM, Altostrata said:

When was the Lamictal added? It may cause fatigue and fogginess.

 

I have just seen Alto's comment above.  Have you been taking it continuously since 2021?  Please add the month that you started it in 2021.

[Altostrata]

@Murkyjuice please clarify your symptom pattern. Are you unable to sleep but sleepy during the day? Do your symptoms follow any daily pattern?  Please keep daily notes of times of day you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms throughout the day. Post 24 hours of notes at a time in this topic, in a simple list format with time of day on the left and notation (symptom or drug and dosage) on the right. This can show if your symptoms are adverse effects from one of your drugs.

 

You might postpone the Seroquel taper and taper lamotrigine instead, since that may be adding to your drowsiness.

 

In your signature, please put details about when you started each drug and what dosage you're taking.

[Murkyjuice]

On 10/29/2022 at 1:54 AM, ChessieCat said:

You say you are sleep deprived.  Are you experiencing insomnia?  This is a common withdrawal symptom.

 

Yes I have been having insomnia for the past couple of weeks. At first it was much worse, taking around 4 hours to sleep but now I'd say it takes around 2 hours. 

 

On 10/29/2022 at 1:54 AM, ChessieCat said:

If this all started after you made these reductions then you might consider making a small updose.  It will depend on what date you made your reductions what dose we would suggest.  Please write a post (as well as editing your signature) so that I get notified.

 

Yes these symptoms began when tapering but I thought it would eventually go away. Wouldn't it still go away giving it more time? I understand an updose could lessen the severity of those symptoms but I am so adverse to being on this medication for any longer that I'd much rather deal with this now and as I continue to reduce, even if it gets worse.

 

On 10/30/2022 at 3:51 AM, Altostrata said:

@Murkyjuice please clarify your symptom pattern. Are you unable to sleep but sleepy during the day? Do your symptoms follow any daily pattern? 

 

Yes at night I am unable to sleep and I am very sleepy during the day. 

 

My symptoms have fallen into a pretty predictable pattern. Mornings are usually the best part of the day and when I have the most energy. At 9:30 I take 50mg Zoloft. I have enough energy to commit to one hard task (aka light cardio for 30 minutes or going to the grocery store) but once I am done with those I am in bed for the rest of the day. By around 3:30pm if I'm feeling too antsy I take a 10mg propanolol dose and then may take a nap. By the time 5:30pm rolls around things become worse, I get fidgety but too tired to do anything and I find it harder to distract myself, if it gets bad enough I will take another 10mg propanolol dose. Will get up and walk around periodically and drink water. At 8:00pm I take my Lamictal 100mg and at 9:30pm I take my 150mg Seroquel dose before attempting to sleep. The first wave of drowsiness comes on within 30 minutes but I am unable to sleep. Not much to occupy my thoughts and they become racing. That is when things get especially worse and can dampen what was an otherwise good day. An hour in I am still very alert and become very hungry, will have a snack and within the next hour even though my mind is still very active I will fall asleep then

[Murkyjuice]

On 10/29/2022 at 1:56 AM, ChessieCat said:

I have just seen Alto's comment above.  Have you been taking it continuously since 2021?  Please add the month that you started it in 2021.

 

Yes, I have been taking the Lamictal since 2021. I definitely believe it has added to this already worsening fatigue but I want to at least keep it at a 100mg therapeutic dose as I taper Seroquel because I intend to come off of Seroquel completely. I have been advised to increase the Lamictal to increase its effectiveness but I don't want to become even more tired

[Murkyjuice]

10/31/2022

 

9 a.m. Woke up tired

9:30 a.m. Took 50 mg Zoloft

3:30 p.m. Had lunch, felt drowsy

5:00 p.m. Take 10mg Propanolol, take a nap

6:00 p.m. Have tea, snack

8:00 p.m Take Lamictal

9:30 p.m Take 150 mg Seroquel

10:30 p.m Cannot sleep, drink water

11:00 p.m Bad anxiety

11:30 p.m Had a snack

12:00 a.m. Fell asleep

[Altostrata]

Why are you taking propranolol at 5?

 

You are taking too much Seroquel at night and getting a paradoxical reaction. Do you take Seroquel in one tablet? Is it immediate-release or extended-release?

[Murkyjuice]

On 11/2/2022 at 12:42 AM, Altostrata said:

Why are you taking propranolol at 5?

 

I feel a little antsy feel weird around that time and it helps level me out. I'm now being a little bit more cautious to not say it is full-blown akathisia after reading through some of your threads but it feels like that mentally in my head. 

 

On 11/2/2022 at 12:42 AM, Altostrata said:

You are taking too much Seroquel at night and getting a paradoxical reaction. Do you take Seroquel in one tablet? Is it immediate-release or extended-release?

 

I take one extended release tablet at night. I have been inclined to taper off of it myself but have been advised not to do that because it is extended release. I am seeing my psychiatrist soon and I want to ask for normal Seroquel so I can cut it, there shouldn't be too much of a difference between that and extended release besides their different actions right? 

[Murkyjuice]

8:30am: wake up

9:00am: take 50mg Zoloft

2:00pm: feel drowsy

2:30pm: take a nap

5:00pm: have snack and tea, take 10mg propanolol, fish oil and vitamin d

6:00pm: feeling off, take 0.5mg  benztropine

9:00pm: take Lamictal and Quetiapine 

11:00pm: drink water

12:00am: watch videos 

12:30am: sleep

 

I aim to take Zoloft at around 9:00am but sometimes I oversleep a bit and I take it a little bit after waking up. Have been alternating between taking Lamictal an hour earlier before taking Seroquel but it seems to make my insomnia worse for some reason. For now and to also keep things simpler I'm going to take both Lamictal and Seroquel together at 9:00pm

 

Very frustrated right now. Hardly able to keep productive. I have an appointment coming up on the 7th and am going to ask my psychiatrist to reduce Seroquel to 100mg. When I was on Seroquel and Zoloft alone I could just barely do some college classes and attend lectures but since taking Lamictal I am effectively bed bound, but I am very afraid to decrease that too, especially while also decreasing Seroquel. I want to decrease both, I can't stand living this way

[ChessieCat]

On 10/29/2022 at 4:54 PM, ChessieCat said:

Post #1 of this topic explains how to get non standard doses:

 

Tips for tapering off quetiapine (Seroquel)

 

[Altostrata]

In your daily notes, please report the dosages of each and every dose in milligrams, thanks.

[Murkyjuice]

11/8:

 

9:00am: wake up, take 50mg Zoloft

10:00am: exercise, take shower

3:00pm: take nap

5:00pm: have vitamin d supplements, fish oil and coffee

7:00pm: take 100mg Lamictal

9:00pm: take 150mg Seroquel

12:30am: sleep

 

Did not take any propanolol or cogentin that day. If restlessness gets especially bad then I take them but they make me feel a bit weird after taking them. If I have any foods high in carbs it also seems to trigger it. 

 

I tried taking Lamictal in the morning and seeing how I felt and it was not working, felt even more lethargic the whole day. Now going to take it at 7:00pm and not mess with those times for the immediate future. 

 

I saw my psychiatrist today and I asked for a further reduction of Seroquel, begrudgingly did so but has now increased my Lamictal to 150mg. The more I read about Seroquel withdrawal the more I resent him and the more I am becoming convinced that Seroquel has done little to help me and all the more to make my life worse. And these are testimonies from people who have been taking it for a little over a year while I have been prescribed to take it for several years taking it for what I believe is no real good reason. When I try to convey these frustrations he says I have become increasingly agitated which had been the only time I had voiced my active discontentment with the medication he has prescribed and I am becoming more and more inclined to switch to a new doctor even though I have been seeing him for years. I would actually like to file a lawsuit against him if it was possible but it is not. I hate how righteous he became about the whole thing saying it was the Seroquel that kept me out of the hospital when I had in fact gone several times while on Seroquel. I worry about the oncoming months, I will do everything in my power to get of Seroquel for good but if I fail no one will ever take my claims seriously again. Every fault or outburst at this time is only more evidence pointing to me not being on a high enough dose and blurring the lines between what is relapse and withdrawal. I can deal with every other side effect except the insomnia. I am currently not very optimistic about things right now, it feels like I will be this way forever and knowing it only gets worse terrifies me but I want to see this through more than anything else I have ever done in my life. 

[ChessieCat]

13 minutes ago, Murkyjuice said:

I saw my psychiatrist today and I asked for a further reduction of Seroquel, begrudgingly did so but has now increased my Lamictal to 150mg.

 

SA recommended only making one change at a time.  If 2 changes at the same time then if things worsen or improve you will not know what is causing it.

[Altostrata]

On 11/9/2022 at 1:44 PM, Murkyjuice said:

I tried taking Lamictal in the morning and seeing how I felt and it was not working, felt even more lethargic the whole day. Now going to take it at 7:00pm and not mess with those times for the immediate future. 

 

Please stop switching your drugs around until we understand your symptom pattern.

 

On 11/9/2022 at 1:44 PM, Murkyjuice said:

I saw my psychiatrist today and I asked for a further reduction of Seroquel, begrudgingly did so but has now increased my Lamictal to 150mg.

 

How did your psychiatrist reduce your Seroquel?

 

On 10/30/2022 at 12:51 AM, Altostrata said:

You might postpone the Seroquel taper and taper lamotrigine instead, since that may be adding to your drowsiness.

 

I'm not sure we can help you. We would be working at cross-purposes with your psychiatrist.

 

If you are going to follow your psychiatrist's advice about reducing Seroquel (or any of your psychiatric drugs), what can peer support do for you?

[Murkyjuice]

11/16

 

7:00am: wake up

9:00am: take 50mg Zoloft

10:00am: breakfast

2:00pm: take a nap

5:00pm: lunch

8:00pm: take Lamictal 150mg

9:00pm: take Seroquel 100mg

11:30pm: sleep

 

No more switching meds around, these are the times I take them everyday. Not feeling good right now. Have been extremely consistent with taking meds at these times and I have done well without any propanolol or cogentin as akathisia symptoms have more or less stopped. Have had an awful migraine since yesterday and believe this is due to the increase in Lamictal, which should clear up in about a week or so. Doing ok cognitively, forgetting words sometimes. Feel very spacey, I told my psychiatrist to prescribe me 50mg Zoloft but they have sent another prescription for 100mg, oh well. I have been splitting those pills and they're mostly equal with a couple percent difference, not exceeding 5%.They do not come out right the first time sometimes but I do not like to waste. 

 

Have been having racing thoughts which can also occur when increasing Lamictal dosage, they are uncomfortable but mostly manageable. I have been obsessing over small decisions and reassurance seeking which I have not done in a while. Fatigue has gotten very bad, need to take much more naps during the day but I sleep faster after taking Seroquel. I see my psychiatrist on November 29th next.

 

On 11/9/2022 at 4:59 PM, ChessieCat said:

SA recommended only making one change at a time.  If 2 changes at the same time then if things worsen or improve you will not know what is causing it.

 

This is true, but I rejected increasing Lamictal the last time I saw him and had decreased Seroquel and now I'm doing it again and he strongly insists that I increase Lamictal. It has not been great but I think I am adjusting. I know for certain that the Seroquel has done little to nothing for me and I do not want to have anything to do with this drug anymore. This fatigue I have been having right now is awful and I know it'll get worse before it gets better so I'm going to stick with it. 

 

 

On 11/11/2022 at 6:17 PM, Altostrata said:

How did your psychiatrist reduce your Seroquel?

He reduced the dosage

 

On 11/11/2022 at 6:17 PM, Altostrata said:

I'm not sure we can help you. We would be working at cross-purposes with your psychiatrist.

 

If you are going to follow your psychiatrist's advice about reducing Seroquel (or any of your psychiatric drugs), what can peer support do for you?

I am scared. I have be thinking about making my own liquid solution but I don't want to mess things up. There were a lot of things I was experiencing that I saw here and nowhere else I looked. If not for you the feedback and responses I have been getting from others have been really helpful and if that is not acceptable then I will stop posting.

[Hanna72]

Dear @Murkyjuice

Hi nice to meet you.

58 minutes ago, Murkyjuice said:

am scared

So am I . This community is here for you. There are so many testimonies about tapering and withdrawals on here, and I would recommend you read up an inform yourself as much as you can. Unfortunately the medical staff is unaware of so many aspects of these drugs and it’s withdrawals. Speaking from experience and also being a health care worker, most have no clue. So my gentle advice to you is follow the good advice here from people who are and have experienced all of this.

 

Please keep on posting, we are here to support, listen and help you the best we can🙏

[Altostrata]

3 hours ago, Murkyjuice said:

Have been having racing thoughts which can also occur when increasing Lamictal dosage, they are uncomfortable but mostly manageable.

 

If you get bad effects from lamotrigine, why would you increase it?

[Murkyjuice]

16 hours ago, Altostrata said:

If you get bad effects from lamotrigine, why would you increase it?

 

Oh no these are racing thoughts that happened when I increased the Lamictal dosage, to be honest I don't think I have any directly attributable side effects to it and it has been a week since I have increased my dose (Nov.11).

 

19 hours ago, Hanna72 said:

Dear @Murkyjuice

Please keep on posting, we are here to support, listen and help you the best we can🙏

 

Thank you so much, it means a lot to hear you say that. I am just going to try and absorb as much information as possible, it's the only thing that's allowed me to truly discern what is going on. Hoping for the best, have a good Thanksgiving

[Altostrata]

2 minutes ago, Murkyjuice said:

Oh no these are racing thoughts that happened when I increased the Lamictal dosage, to be honest I don't think I have any directly attributable side effects to it

 

Did you get racing thoughts AFTER you increased the lamotrigine dosage?

 

Again, please note we cannot assist you in reducing your drugs if your psychiatrist keeps increasing your drugs.

 

20 hours ago, Murkyjuice said:

11/16

 

7:00am: wake up

9:00am: take 50mg Zoloft

10:00am: breakfast

2:00pm: take a nap

5:00pm: lunch

8:00pm: take Lamictal 150mg

9:00pm: take Seroquel 100mg

11:30pm: sleep

 

Thank you for your drug schedule. Now we need to see notes about how you feel before and after each dose you take, for 24 hours at a time. This means a day and night.

[Murkyjuice]

11/21

 

8:00am: Wake up, not well rested

9:00am: Take 50mg Zoloft

12:00pm: Completed most important tasks, take short nap 

3:00pm: Coffee, buzzed but not lucid

6:00pm: Very tired, unable to hold attention on anything

8:00pm: Take 150mg Lamictal, become slightly more alert

9:00pm: Take 100mg Seroquel, drowsiness coming back

10:00pm: Very tired but cannot sleep, start getting loopy

11:30pm: Sleep

 

Feel completely wasted, only have two to four hours of undisrupted attention before I begin to dissociate, 5 or 6 with caffeine but I pay for it later at night. Cannot stay awake for the life of me, don't know how much longer I can take this. Want to drop to 50mg Seroquel by next appointment this coming 29th and be off it completely before New Year's. Absolutely sick of it, and I'll be lucky to ever be sleeping normally come June of next year. Sleep was already bad before medications but at least it took me around 30 minutes to an hour to sleep. Intrusive thoughts are coming back, repeating lines from movies in my head. Truly starting to resent my psychiatrist now,  no ill-will towards him but if he died tomorrow I would not care much for him. A month without this fatigue would be a month of uninterrupted lucidity, something I need desperately. Begrudgingly taking an online course because it is all I can manage. Things will get better, but only in the sense of surviving this ordeal and just "existing" afterwards. Have to use every trick in the book to get any pitiful edge at accomplishing just barely nothing. Doctor looks down on me, cocksure no one could have done the undergrad studies he's done. Want to see his arrogant self-righetous self barely able to grasp reality after only going through a week of what one of his patients is going through. Can hardly recall much these past two years with little to show for it, only anticipating each evening with pure unadulterated terror for which there was no good reason, anxiety like I have never known and had never experienced before meds. I do not think I will ever truly recover from experiencing that day in and day out for two years nonstop. Not once did he put me on anti-anxiety meds when he saw me in the state I was in, if not to at least remove some of this permanent scarring on my mind through the most formative years of my life. I try to be patient, I try to see it from his perspective, but he hides behind this gaudy wall of saintliness because his intentions were "good". I hate that he, for even a second, deludes himself into thinking he's improved my life in any way. If he had any humility he'd be able to admit he's not a true doctor, desperately stuffing his literature into his head, side effects merely a footnote, and then discuss these same concepts with his already indoctrinated colleagues, proudly nodding to each other in approval, never looking any further. The hospital I was admitted to was led by one of his colleagues and as I explained to him the indescribable torture of pacing the ward, clutching chairs and rocking, anything to relieve these OBVIOUS signs of akathisia, of which I had no knowledge of at the time and only learned about much later in a desperate attempt to figure out what was going on, they would have at least provided some propanolol, very basic stuff. But no, I had to go around begging like a junkie for an ativan or an injection, further proving themselves right of my admission there. The dismissal of all the nurses, the sociopathic head of staff. That psychiatrist who saw me contorting in my seat asked "what do you think I should do for you?". I want to move past this and say they were only trying to help, but I think about these transgressions often, more so now than ever, which is the last thing I want. I want to be done with this and have no association with this system ever again. The fact that my psychiatrist and him are friends further increases my resentment towards him by the day, not because of their incompetence, but their inability and dismissal to ever to admit to any wrongdoing. To never let anything a patient tells them leave their office lest they feel even an ounce of guilt or remorse for what they may have done. And when a patient rightly speaks up about how they felt they have been wronged brush them off quickly and tell them it is in their best interest to go back up on their medication again because they sound "frustrated". No one could ever possibly feel frustrated when coming off a med or be just a little unlike their usual self. 

 

 

 

On 11/18/2022 at 3:16 PM, Altostrata said:

Again, please note we cannot assist you in reducing your drugs if your psychiatrist keeps increasing your drugs.

 

What do I do? How many people on this site have been able to get off drugs completely and keep happy with regular exercise and meditation. I have progressed very little mentally this year, I deeply regret ever starting meds and am spending the best years of my life dawdling. Increasing to 200mg Lamictal and getting off Seroquel completely will be hell in itself and I'm only doing the Lamictal increase because my parents want that at the very least if I'm coming off. Truth is now I realize how effective APs are at reducing needless thoughts, althought by very litte, and all the more to completely ruin my weight in a family with a bad history of heart problems. I do not respond well to most APs and am at a loss at what to do

[Altostrata]

3 hours ago, Murkyjuice said:

What do I do? How many people on this site have been able to get off drugs completely and keep happy with regular exercise and meditation. I have progressed very little mentally this year, I deeply regret ever starting meds and am spending the best years of my life dawdling. Increasing to 200mg Lamictal and getting off Seroquel completely will be hell in itself and I'm only doing the Lamictal increase because my parents want that at the very least if I'm coming off. Truth is now I realize how effective APs are at reducing needless thoughts, althought by very litte, and all the more to completely ruin my weight in a family with a bad history of heart problems. I do not respond well to most APs and am at a loss at what to do

 

If you don't want to go off your drugs, you don't have to. We do not assist with balancing cocktails for "therapeutic" reasons, that's your doctor's job.

 

If you do not have control over your dosing, you will not be able to reduce and we will not be able to help you. 

 

Please let us know when you want to reduce your drugs.

[Murkyjuice]

On 11/22/2022 at 3:56 PM, Altostrata said:

Please let us know when you want to reduce your drugs.

 

How do you manage right now? I do not know what you specifically have but you yourself, have you fared better without medication?

[ChessieCat]

3 minutes ago, Murkyjuice said:

 

How do you manage right now? I do not know what you specifically have but you yourself, have you fared better without medication?

 

Altostrata is SA's founder.  It took about 11 years before Alto was fully recovered.

 

Here is here story; post #1 of this topic has links to more information about her:

 

about-altostrata-11-years-of-protracted-antidepressant-withdrawal-syndrome

 

 

[Altostrata]

My personal experience should not be taken as a guide for anyone. You'll have to make decisions that are best for you, @Murkyjuice

[morgana]

Hi @Murkyjuice, i have been on Sequel before very sedating...horrible feeling...been n Zoloft as well very stimulating and causes anxiety....never been on lamical however it says its stimulating and calming..at the same time.....your cns, brain and body...probably doesnt know how to react to all this opposing reactions...it would be hell...why would you want to put yourself through it is beyond me...personally i would taper off the zoloft first, then the lamical and then the serquel...good luck

[Murkyjuice]

20 hours ago, morgana said:

why would you want to put yourself through it is beyond me...personally i would taper off the zoloft first, then the lamical and then the serquel...good luck

 

Slowly I've been considering this option more and more. I see my doctor tomorrow and we'll likely move to increase Lamictal to 200mg but as for the Zoloft I am still scared to touch it. This goes against what this site is about and I'm really going to give this one more go and if it doesn't work out, I'll get off of them for good, no matter how bad it gets. I have been having moments of perfect clarity that goes away as fast as it came and it is very exciting. Sometimes I feel almost manic, but I am not sure if this is because I'm feeling that way or because my sleep is so bad or if it's the Zoloft. 

 

The major motivation going for me is treating something like this early so I don't mess myself more down the line. I had stopped everything cold turkey 2 years ago and was admitted and I have not felt the same since. If only I had stuck it out a couple more months. 

 

Maybe it would be better if I didn't increase the Lamictal? I was told I would begin to see its effects clearly at 200mg and so far there haven't been too many adverse side effects.

[Murkyjuice]

On 11/24/2022 at 4:13 PM, ChessieCat said:

Here is here story; post #1 of this topic has links to more information about her:

 

That was a very eye-opening read. The amount of suffering you must have gone through is insane, it makes me hopeful that I too can someday be completely off of these meds and get my life back on track. 

 

[Murkyjuice]

11/27

 

9:30am: Wake up late, take 50mg Zoloft

3:00pm: Take 1 mg cogentin 

5:00pm: Take a nap

6:00pm: Take 0.5 mg cogentin

8:30pm: Take 150mg Lamictal 

9:30pm: Take 100mg Seroquel

11:30pm: Sleep

 

I am going to reduce the amount of updates I make about this because I am going to increase my Lamictal tomorrow which defeats the purpose of me using this site. Knowing absolutely nothing about psychiatric drugs if I had known any better I would have reduced my Zoloft to 25mg and keep Lamictal where it is but I really don't want to lose the progress I've made so far over something like that. I don't know. It's my life here. Cogentin seems to be helping a lot more than propanolol for this mental static in my head, I am not sure if anyone here is familiar with mental akathisia but that is how I can best describe it.