Senzu : suffering physically and mentally since stopping olanzapine and decreasing diazepam

October 8, 2022

Senzu : I suffer too much physically and mentally since stopping olanzapine and decreasing diazepam is hell.

Hi there, I am French.

I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for depression. But I was quite rebellious about this internment and at one point I was forced to take 20mg of olanzapine. I felt like my brain was collapsing in my head and I couldn't stand on my legs and couldn't articulate. The next day they forced me to take 10 mg and that for two weeks. I kept asking for this treatment to be stopped because I was documenting its dangerousness.

The doctor finally accepted and he made me go from 10mg to 5mg for a week and then asked me to stop. This rapid decrease scared me but the doctor refused me to go through 2.5mg. When I went from 10 to 5 mg my eyesight became blurry and I felt depersonalization. When I went from 5mg to zero, I stopped sleeping, and started having shaking, stiffness, pain, dyskinesias and seizures.

I was given valium diazepam to calm the seizures and for sleep, I started taking mianserin at the beginning of July but I sleep very very badly even with valium and mianserin when I have slept well all my life 9 hours . And since this stop of olanzapine, I am still worse: panic attacks, I had pneumonia, extreme akathisia, impossibility of concentrating, I can no longer function, I feel very weak physically, various pains which focus on the thorax, I have no appetite and I'm losing a lot of weight, I have no more muscles, I have no more motivation for basic tasks. Since July, I've been trying to decrease valium, and I've gone from 25mg to 15mg (1mg every 12 days) but it's very very hard, and this decrease increases all the symptoms related to quitting olanzapine.

My condition is getting worse week by week. I am not the same anymore, I am constantly numb and weak. I have no more pleasure and momentum and feeling my inabilities triggers extreme panic attacks...

Edited October 11, 2022 by ChessieCat
reformatted translated text and added topic title before shortening

October 11, 2022

Hi Senzu and welcome,

So you are currently on miaserin and valium?

I am not very familiar with miaserin, apparently it is not used in the U.S.

Here is what Wikipedia has to say on it though, and it is certainly one of the drugs that we can deal with here.

Mianserin-Wikipedia

It does sound like you have had some very tough experiences with medications/drugs and hospitals, and WD(withdrawal) to date. I am sorry.

Can you note in a reply the time on the left, and then each of your present drugs by name, and dosage on the right. That will help clarify what you are taking right now, and give us a starting point for suggests or advice.

And then if you can, please do a signature for us:

How to summarize your drug history in your signature (click on the underlined passage to go to the first post in what is a link)

The signature, when done, will provide a nice concise history of your recent drugs. It is different from the information you supplied on registration, and will appear below all your post once done. It's very helpful for us to see. Thanks. Be sure and get some dates in there with your drugs, both the year, and approximate, if needed........the month and days.

It definitely sounds like you had trouble with olanzapine, and also with that rapid WD. And are possibly still recovering from that. Also wondering if you might have been going too quickly with your Valium tapering. It does sound like you are not doing well right now.

Are you interested in tapering and then one day perhaps going drug free? I hope so. Do be patient though, with the process, and with us as we get to know you.

I can give you general information now, around tapering(which applies to all psychoactive drugs), and then some information around WD(withdrawal) as well. Take your time and get familiar as best you can with it.

We recommend that a person taper by no more than 10% of their current dose with at least a four week hold in-between decreases. The 10% taper recommendation is a harm reduction approach to going off psychiatric drugs.

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

When we take medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. The CNS likes stability. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur. And sleep is really important during withdrawal.

Brain Remodelling

What is withdrawal syndrome?

The windows and waves pattern of stabilization

Dr.Glenmullen’s withdrawal symptom list.

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system.

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

Hang on Senzu. Some of your symptoms now most definitely relate to WD. While others may relate to adverse effects of your current drugs. As you provide more information, we may be able to help with suggestions and advice. Do try to not make any further changes to your drugs right now, or just HOLD please.

Okay. I look forward to hearing more from you.

This is your introduction/journal page where you have now introduced yourself to the community, you can ask questions here regarding your tapering, give updates, communicate with us here, and just keep a record of your journey.

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

moderator manymoretodays(mmt)

October 11, 2022

Hello and welcome to SA

Translated with deepL:

J'ai découvert comment traduire facilement SA dans une autre langue.

Instructions sur la façon de visualiser SA dans votre langue maternelle :

Allez sur le site survivingantidepressants.org et copiez l'URL puis allez sur :

https://translate.google.com/

Cliquez sur l'onglet "Site Web", collez l'URL et, sur le côté droit, cliquez sur la langue dans laquelle vous souhaitez afficher le site Web. Cliquez ensuite sur la flèche bleue à droite de la case où vous avez collé l'URL.

English:

I discovered how to easily translate SA into a different language.

Instructions on how to view SA in your native language:

Go to survivingantidepressants.org and copy the URL then go to:

https://translate.google.com/

Click on the Website TAB, paste the URL and on the right hand side click on the language you want to view the website in. Then click on the blue arrow to the right of the box where you pasted the URL.

October 12, 2022

Hello,

Thank you for the welcoming. I think I have my signature set up. Of course I would like to go back to my drug-free life. I was forced and it led me to withdrawal symptoms destroying me and other drugs. When I've never taken anything in my life.

October 13, 2022

Hi there,

I have suffered from a lot of serious symptoms since I was forcibly treated with Olanzapine (20mg) and stopped abruptly (CT) after three weeks (5mg). I was put under valium to calm the crises but I find myself prisoner of a benzo also and of mianserin (antihistamine property) to manage to sleep a little. But I have extreme anxiety all day, can't function, akathisia, DP DR, disconnection with things, various body aches, muscle weakness. Even if I sleep a little thanks to Mianserin and Valium, it's not at all the sleep I had before, and it multiplies my physical degradation, my anxiety and my DP DR feeling. My anxiety, my nausea causes me a loss of appetite and an inability to cook myself, and I have lost a lot of weight. I maintain myself with protein products from pharmacies. In short, it's a disaster. I feel like I was murdered by that Zyprexa CT. The more I continue the decrease in valium, the more I feel like I'm back to the excruciating sensations I had when I was stopped on zyprexa. In fact, I can't tell the difference between the withdrawal symptoms of zyprexa and those of valium (25 mg at the beginning of July, 14 mg today). What to do ? I feel like I'm in the worst situation with this 5 month old Zyprexa CT now (with a high first dose). I specify that I was forced to take zyprexa only because I was rebellious of my internment and that I sought to leave, otherwise I was diagnosed only in depression. What to do ? Am I doomed? You can imagine that I have read other stories on the internet about zyprexa and so I am terrified and have no hope of getting better. Especially in relation to sleep, we can see that people no longer sleep after zyprexa and that is a real tragedy.

October 13, 2022

Please. I am in a lot of pain, I really need help. I feel like the Zyprexa destroyed everything. Should I stop decreasing the Valium? What to do with mianserin? I have the impression that it helps me a little to sleep a weird sleep but that it does not do me any good (daytime fatigue and increased Dp Dr).Please....

October 13, 2022

Hi there Senzu,

Yes. For right now, HOLD. Stop reducing your Valium.

And yes. Zyprexa can be very rough on a person.

Don't make any changes to the Mianserin either right now. We call that HOLDING.

When did you last do a Valium reduction? Date.

And what dose did you do your last reduction from?

Were you feeling any better prior to your last reduction in Valium?

When did you last feel better than now?

You have been doing a rapid decrease with your Valium, and that may explain some of your symptoms.

Generally, we save benzo tapering for last, as it can often mitigate some of the other WD(withdrawal symptoms)

No doubt you are now physiologically dependent on your Valium, and so........best is a slow taper on that.

You mention insomnia as an ongoing symptom as well as many other symptoms of WD. At this point you may have both Zyprexa WD going on as well as Valium WD. Unfortunate, but hang on.......these symptoms won't last forever, and we might be able to help you manage your drugs and then tapering a bit more comfortably.

It sure sounds rough now.

When do you take the Valium each day? Just list the time right here in a reply. Then Valium. Then present dose.

Do the same with your Mianserin.

Right in a reply.

If you can, please do NOTES, as well. And here is a link explaining how to do that. We like to see how your symptoms relate to the timing of your drugs, so we can better advise. We like to see that over a 24 hour period, in a objective way, and then see several days too, over time when attempting to advise and support you and your present drug regimen. And then after that we can work on tapering, once you feel more withdrawal stable. And I'll go into that a bit more in another reply.

NOTES, Recording drug schedule and symptoms in daily notes

The time of day, dosage, and severity of symptoms are essential information. Include

- Time and dosage for all drugs taken throughout the day, psychiatric and non-psychiatric.

- Following each dose, note any symptoms. If you are having a reaction to the drug, it may take hours for a symptom to show up -- that's why we ask you to keep notes all day long.

- If you're not taking any drugs, your symptoms throughout the day.

- Your sleep pattern. Since so many drugs disturb sleep, if you find you're waking in the middle of the night, it could be from a drug you took earlier in the evening. If you're not taking any drugs, there may be ways you can improve your sleep.

And so forth. A diary, in chronological order, looking something like this( the below is just an example, yours will have different drugs and symptoms but use this as a guideline):

6 a.m. Woke with anxiety
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

6 a.m. Woke with anxiety (but less than yesterday)

I just did some minor edits to your signature, so that the dates and drugs and dosages stand out a little clearer. Thanks for getting that done. There is a lot of narrative in there now, and that's great to have it all summarized, but usually the signature is just for your drug history. Narratives go right in your replies. Which you have been doing as well. I will just attempt to get it clearer for all of us now. Not all have time to read from the start of your topic. Then later you can do edits and updates yourself. You just go to AccountSettings/signature to do so. Thanks.

Here's a copy now of your current original signature, for just in case, if I loose some of it in my editing process:

Following chronic stomach pain, I developed a lot of anxiety and depression. In the emergency room, I underwent a forced placement (abusive). Xanax, 0.75mg daily from April 26, 2022 to June 8, 2022. Sertraline, 50 mg daily from May 21, 2022 to June 8, 2022, then 100 mg daily from June 9 to July 8, 2022 Olanzapine Zyprexa, 20 mg forced received on May 19, 2022, then 10 mg per day for two weeks, then 5 mg per day, then stop CT on June 8, 2022 by the doctor. Valium Diazepam, following bad weaning from olanzapine (convulsions, stiffness, tremors, total insomnia), 25 mg per day from June 9, 2022 to July 08, then I started a slow reduction (1 mg every 12 days). I'm now on 14 mg a day. Mianserin, 20 mg per day from July 8, 2022 until today to combat insomnia. So much unbearable suffering caused by Olanzapine and withdrawal that did not exist before: fatigue, tremors, panic attacks, akathisia, agitation of the limbs, permanent extreme anxiety, insomnia, difficulties in daily functioning, DP / DR, loss of appetite and weight, total muscle loss, depression, feeling like my life is irreversibly shattered.

I'm still replying Senzu, if you are reading already.

Okay. I'm done editing this reply. And so will post it. I'll also work on another reply with more information for you now. I'll confer as well and get some more input for you soon. Do try and get some NOTES done if you can. Thanks.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited October 13, 2022 by manymoretodays
spelling, grammar, HOLD mianserin too added

October 13, 2022

Hi again Senzu!

And easy does it now. The Zyprexa didn't destroy everything. It's challenging though. The changes that came about with the Zyprexa I feel very hopeful that they can be reversed again........with time. Unfortunate that none of this goes quickly for many of us.

With the time frames given for usage with both the Xanax and then Valium, again, you do need to go more cautiously or harm reduction with further or future tapering. So again, HOLD steady with present doses of Valium as well as with your Mianserin right now. Your nervous system will thank you. The harm reduction 10% or less off each previous dose, with HOLDS of 4 weeks between tapers, applies to benzo's as well as antidepressants(AD's) and antipsychotics(AP's), and all of the many psychotropic drugs we deal with.

Unfortunately, for many, once symptoms of WD, and for some it's symptoms of adverse reactions set in.......it can take time, patience, using lot's of non-drug coping skills, a support system(here can be part of that), and education/empowerment can help you get through it.

For most all recovery or healing is possible.

I just want to make that clear.

You will get better and improve. You are not doomed.

You've been through a really tough experience.

Okay, more educational, and non-drug things that might help now coming next.

Tips from members: Preparing to taper

5 hours ago, Senzu said:

it's not at all the sleep I had before, and it multiplies my physical degradation, my anxiety and my DP DR feeling. My anxiety, my nausea causes me a loss of appetite and an inability to cook myself, and I have lost a lot of weight. I maintain myself with protein products from pharmacies. In short, it's a disaster. I feel like I was murdered by that Zyprexa CT. The more I continue the decrease in valium, the more I feel like I'm back to the excruciating sensations I had when I was stopped on zyprexa. In fact, I can't tell the difference between the withdrawal symptoms of zyprexa and those of valium (25 mg at the beginning of July, 14 mg today).

Yes, sleep is really important. And your symptoms all match up with those in Dr. Glenmullen's symptom list, AND what we see here. Have you been able to look at the first links that I gave you okay. What is your native language? Is it French? I am U.S.A. English slang so just ask whenever you need clarity.

Tips to help sleep: so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

Eat. Eat! Good on the protein products. It's very likely that you might even be a little hypersensitive to foods now too, so you'll need to test your tolerance of what you can eat or take for liquid nutrition. Try some complex carbs. And some of the "better" fats. Early on in my own WD experience I had to work at it too, the eating, and keeping my weight up. Some, not all, do not tolerate the high protein. Sounds like you do. So that is great.' You could eat baby food too. That's made for simple digestive systems. Oatmeal?

I hope you are able to ask for help from friends or neighbors or someone local. Most of us do at some point have to ask for help. It's hard, but doable. I found I did not even need to convince everyone of my WD and go on and on about it worked best. It's hard not to go on and on about it when one first realizes how duped they were. Microwaved food won't kill you immediately. You cooking skills, and meal planning, and organizational skills will return......in their own time. It can get frustrating. Many do indeed manage alone too. I've had to do a little of both. Asking for help and then managing alone too. Anyway, I am glad you are here. Your not alone anymore. We get it.

Derealization or Depersonalization(DR or DP)

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

Okay. I'll stop there today. Hoping you'll have even a small Window of feeling a bit better today or tonight.

Oh.....if you do have a best time of day and are able to read and absorb okay........if you want to look up anything on site, you can just type in your main browser while off site the topic and then survivingantidepressants.org. You can also go to the HOME page too and see the lay out and various forums here. You can do searches once on site from the upper right search box too.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited October 13, 2022 by manymoretodays

October 13, 2022

I wish you much strength and would like to tell you that time heals all wounds. I am not a moderator, nor do I have any medical education.

What I can tell you from our experiences so far is that it is important for you and your nervous system to calm down. That's why I wouldn't reduce the diazepham any further at the moment.

NAC (N-acetyl cysteine) helped my wife very well. Especially with sleep. But first test a small amount and see how you tolerate it. And of course also check with the "drug interaction checker" whether there are any interactions with mianserin.

I think a holistic approach for body and mind is best. Here you should find out what is good for you personally. With my wife, for example, it was also a "weight blanket" that improved her mood and her sleep. Give yourself time to heal - all the best!

October 13, 2022

I forgot to add a few things that I wanted to add for you Senzu.

So here they are:

Stability (just click on the underlined passage to go to the link)

or WD stability, what that might look like

Neuroemotions

Here's what we have on the weighted blankets too, that's a good suggestion from J and D.

weighted blankets, bed tents, for restlessness, akathisia, insomnia, and anxiety

October 13, 2022

Hello everyone,

A big thank you from the bottom of my heart for all these messages to give me a hand, because, yes, my suffering is unbearable. When I see for example that JanD, is doing a micro reduction of olanzapine, I immediately think that I had a CT of that worst drug, that I had a very bad reaction (extreme convulsions ) and that instead of doing a reinstatement, I started valium intoxication.... And so I feel in the shittiest condition possible... I see that all the success stories for zyprexa are all stories of micro tapering, so I'm very very afraid for the damage caused and the recovery time. In addition, I also got the worst of the first high dose during which I felt the inside of my brain collapse, then I couldn't stand up and couldn't articulate. The trauma is immeasurable, me and my body received an extreme shock and felt like dying. I am really very very afraid of the zyprexa protocol that I have undergone, which seems to me the worst: high starting dose and CT. While I see what others are going through with the opposite, that is to say, small starting dose, gradual increase and then micro tapering, and it's still hell, I tell myself that my case is very very severe.

You are all so kind in your responses. So kind to give so much advice. Yes, my usual language is French. Once again I am French.

Regarding my valium. I take 4mg at noon and 10mg at 11pm with mianserin 20mg. My last decrease was 3 days ago. I've gone from 15mg a day, down to 14mg (I follow the less than 10% rule, but I'm applying it true with a 12 day gap so far). I don't believe I suffered less at 15mg because of tolerance. I suffered less only at the beginning of my valium intake in June when I was at 25mg, but it is logical: at the beginning when you take a benzo, it works well. And in June, I had an appetite. I think my loss of appetite is a symptom of valium withdrawal. But it's very scary not to be hungry anymore.

To be continued...

October 13, 2022

Hello everyone,

A big thank you from the bottom of my heart for all these messages to give me a hand, because, yes, my suffering is unbearable. When I see for example that JanD, is doing a micro reduction of olanzapine, I immediately think that I had a CT of that worst drug, that I had a very bad reaction (extreme convulsions ) and that instead of doing a reinstatement, I started valium intoxication.... And so I feel in the shittiest condition possible... I see that all the success stories for zyprexa are all stories of micro tapering, so I'm very very afraid for the damage caused and the recovery time. In addition, I also got the worst of the first high dose during which I felt the inside of my brain collapse, then I couldn't stand up and couldn't articulate. The trauma is immeasurable, me and my body received an extreme shock and felt like dying. I am really very very afraid of the zyprexa protocol that I have undergone, which seems to me the worst: high starting dose and CT. While I see what others are going through with the opposite, that is to say, small starting dose, gradual increase and then micro tapering, and it's still hell, I tell myself that my case is very very severe.

You are all so kind in your responses. So kind to give so much advice. Yes, my usual language is French. Once again I am French.

Regarding my valium. I take 4mg at noon and 10mg at 11pm with mianserin 20mg. My last decrease was 3 days ago. I've gone from 15mg a day, down to 14mg (I follow the less than 10% rule, but I'm applying it true with a 12 day gap so far). I don't believe I suffered less at 15mg because of tolerance. I suffered less only at the beginning of my valium intake in June when I was at 25mg, but it is logical: at the beginning when you take a benzo, it works well. And in June, I had an appetite. I think my loss of appetite is a symptom of valium withdrawal. But it's very scary not to be hungry anymore.

Ok for a Holding operation, even if I think that the diazepam intoxicates me and creates depression and that having reached the tolerance, I would still suffer. But I understand the idea of not touching anything to enter the stabilization phase of the nervous system. I forgot to tell you that I've been taking St. John's wort for a few days and I think it's a good thing to counter the depression caused by the benzo. And mianserin isn't an SSRI, si there's no matter with the St. John wort.

I don't know if I answered everything because you invited me to many things but I post this answer anyway, I think it is interesting.

October 13, 2022

@Senzu please post your daily symptom notes as requested by @manymoretodays It's very possible that we'll see some small change that will help you.

October 14, 2022

8:00 a.m.: I wake up suddenly, like with a light switch whereas before it was a long pleasant process coming from a deep sleep (with long deep nights and without nightmares). I slept a weird, not deep sleep, and I remember having one or two annoying wake up and with a little panic. It suddenly comes to my mind that my life is no longer the same, that I am no longer the same, that I have been screwed up and become so weak, so incapable, that I have lost everything, and that I am going to pass my day in panic attacks. Chest pain is felt. Respiratory discomfort. Nausea. I just woke up but I'm tired and terrified of the idea of a new day.

9:30 a.m.: I spend all my time on my smartphone on the subjects that concern me in relation to my condition. I am absolutely not hungry. My ruminations can turn into panic where I am in akathisia and agitation of the limbs. If I try to do normal things: feeling that I have become incapable, that I am diminished and that everything is weird increases my panic and therefore I can hardly do anything regarding basic tasks.

11 a.m.: I force myself to take a protein product and try to motivate myself to go for a walk. My anxiety is extreme and walking hasn't made it go away. I feel weak although I have always been an excellent walker. It all feels weird and unreal and freaks me out. On the course, I try some muscle exercises on modules installed by the city. I see how much I have no more muscle strength and therefore: panic. Lots of suicidal thoughts and dark thoughts even though I feel unable to take action. Incessant ruminations that can lead me to akathisia, shortness of breath and panic. Especially when I think of all the things I should have done, all the other choices I could have made to avoid this catastrophe, this nightmare, it drives me mad with panic.

12 p.m.: I take 4mg of valium. I try to see if I can eat something. I still spend a lot of time on my smartphone. Often akathisia comes with restlessness of the limbs, shortness of breath and pain in the chest and feeling of terror.

3 p.m.: I try to motivate myself to go back to walking. Maybe a friend who cares about me will suggest I go with her. But it will be hard because of the feeling of inner panic, DP DR, hopelessness, and anhedonia.

5 p.m.: Sometimes when I'm too bad, I take a tablet of passionflower or valerian. I don't know if it works. Once or twice a day, I take a magnesium supplement that contains the B vitamins.

8 p.m.: I eat protein products from the pharmacy and sometimes I manage to add a pizza that I order at the restaurant next door. Always a lot of smartphone.

Midnight: I take 10mg of valium and 20mg of mianserin. I can't stop using my smartphone but I put the blue light filter on. Sometimes, a video from a psychiatric survivor give me a little piece of Hope but I stay desperate. Until marsh 2022, I was a such very strong man physically, socialy and mentaly, an awesome gardener, and now it's a living nightmare where I am worst and worst each day (physically, socialy and mentaly). My life has been ruined by zyprexa. Is there a piece of Hope to reclaim, to recover..... ?? I doubt because I feel myself ans my nervous system (and maybe other system) to much destroyed.

Thank you everybody.

Edited October 14, 2022 by Shep
added spaces for readibility

October 14, 2022

Dear Senzu, yes this forum does a lot of good. Valuable information / experiences and helpful people who mean well.

This forum is about reducing medication. However, I would like to give you a few suggestions which may also help you on a spiritual level, because I notice how many very negative beliefs you have. I experience this myself with my wife. She thinks she has made mistakes. Blames herself. A year ago, shortly after the birth of our child with postpartum depression and taking a food supplement, she said the following: "I am incurably ill. Illness is punishment." After that, she just looked for reasons to reinforce her view. I really tried everything to change it. It was not possible. This view/pattern then also brought her into this difficult situation with a lot of suffering.

In fact, my wife did not make any mistakes. The cause of this mindset is very likely to be her narcissistic father. She lacks self-awareness, self-confidence and self-love. The belief that she is able to shape her life positively and that she can become whole again if she believes in it and takes responsibility. This is a slow process that accompanies the slow reduction of medication. Therefore, try to have positive beliefs for yourself! Also try to heal mentally, do not put yourself under pressure and do not be afraid. The better you do this, the more you support your body in healing!

October 14, 2022

2 hours ago, Senzu said:

I spend all my time on my smartphone on the subjects that concern me in relation to my condition. I am absolutely not hungry. My ruminations can turn into panic where I am in akathisia and agitation of the limbs.

Your smartphone use is definitely causing problems. I would turn it off and find more calming distractions. Perhaps work a jigsaw puzzle, listen to music, read, watch a favorite TV show, or read a book or magazine. For more, see:

"Change the channel" -- dealing with cognitive symptoms

Having healthy distractions will keep you from going into emotional spirals.

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

Also, keep in mind that withdrawal plays tricks on your mind. This is a great post that speaks to this:

Benzo Lies That Have Been Busted

2 hours ago, Senzu said:

5 p.m.: Sometimes when I'm too bad, I take a tablet of passionflower or valerian. I don't know if it works. Once or twice a day, I take a magnesium supplement that contains the B vitamins.

Valerian is like a mild benzo - it also affects the same neurotransmitter GABA that diazepam affects. If you feel it helps your symptoms, take it at the same time of day and at the same dose. Consistent dosing will help your nervous system.

Valerian Root

If you decide to take valerian regularly, you'll need to taper off it. Please note if you've been taking it 2 - 4 weeks, you may already be dependent on it.

Also, please get a magnesium supplement that doesn't contain B vitamins. B vitamins can be too stimulating for the nervous system for people going through withdrawal.

Here are links on B vitamins and on magnesium:

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

Vitamin B3 (niacin, niacinamide)

Vitamin B8 (inositol)

Vitamin B12: essential for mood, nervous system

2 hours ago, Senzu said:

I eat protein products from the pharmacy

Please let us know the ingredients of this protein product.

Thank you for writing out your drug and symptoms journal. Please continue to do this for a few days so we can look for any patterns.

Also, please let us know the number of hours you sleep at night.

October 14, 2022

@JandD

You're right but seriously how not to be scared going through what I've been through and am going through in relation to zyprexa combined with everything you read online and combined with the fact that I've been through the worst protocol. I can't digest all the information I've read about zyprexa, which is consistent with what I'm going through. I don't see how I'm going to get out of it and people on the internet confirm that we can't get out of it. With the best protocols (first small dose, micro tapering), people say it's still the hell to stop and not have any more symptoms and that they have a lot of sequelae and damages. So in my case, with a first strong dose where I felt my brain collapse and then a CT with convulsive seizures and movement disorders, then addicted to valium....Absolutely, I am agree with you. I was a man of faith before that and faced all the trials before me with faith and courage. But here for the first time in my life, I don't know what to do. My health is deteriorating on all fronts, I don't know what to do to recover. I survive. It's minute to minute survival. And I find that I can no longer live to do the normal things in life. So how not to be afraid? You can clearly see that when you've fallen into the drug trap, after that things get out of hand... Be sure that I'd like to get out of it, but for the moment, I don't see any way out, I don't see a micro begginnning of healing at this point. I fight for my survival. I don't even have the strength and the motivation to wash myself. I don't understand what is happening to me, I was so strong just a few months ago. If I registered on SA it's well to try something but I don't really know what exactly. It's a desperate cry for help. I don't want any more of those drugs that I was forced to take when I lived on plants alone. And of course I want to be cured of their misdeeds, but my readings concerning Olanzapine and my state of health which is deteriorating day by day, this prolonged insomnia, shatter my hope. But once again it is you who are right but for the moment I lost faith because I feel too destroyed. I hope that what I express will not cause rejection because if I express myself on this forum, it is well that I still have something left.

Edited October 15, 2022 by ChessieCat
reformatted translated text

October 14, 2022

I am really very sorry to hear how you are doing. I wanted to give you hope, strength and confidence with my words. However, I continue to see the mental things I wrote in my previous contribution as right and important. My wife and I also went through the most difficult time of our lives. Even now, not everything is good and when I think of the long way I could despair. But I will never give up.

I have mentioned this metaphor before in another post and I use it for myself and my wife:

Act like a mountain climber. Don't look down, otherwise you will get scared because of the height (=> don't look back at the bad things of the past and don't blame yourself). Don't look up to the top because it will make you doubt whether you have enough strength for this path. Concentrate on the present. Do the best you can now (and I think you are already doing that!) and these steps will slowly lead to you feeling better and becoming healthy again. I think it's good to focus on the "now" again and these are the things Shep and the other moderators are writing to you about. I wish you progress / relief that will give you strength!

October 14, 2022

Sleep: I sleep about 7 hours with one or two wake up. BUT this is an extremely weird sleep. I don't feel like I slept. This is not MY sleep, the one I had for 41 years. It is a completely artificial, non-deep and non-restorative sleep that causes me to wake up in despair at having lost MY normal sleep forever. The awakening is sudden. It's a false sleep that disgusts me with its falsity. The ingredients of protein products: water, glucose syrup, milk proteins, rapeseed oil, sucrose, coloring (E150d), emulsifier (E471), minerals (potassium citrate , potassium chloride, potassium phosphate, magnesium chloride, magnesium citrate, ferrous sulfate, zinc sulfate, magnesium oxide, manganese sulfate, copper sulfate, sodium fluoride, potassium iodide, chromium chloride, molybdate sodium, sodium selenate), acidity regulators (E525, E330), flavourings, vitamins (C, E, pantothenic acid, niacin, thiamine, B6, riboflavin, A, folic acid, K, biotin, D, B12), stabilizer (E407). I know it's not great, but that's all I found about my loss of appetite and my lack of energy, motivation to organize meals. Before the drama, I ate only organic and wild in good quantity, I was another man. Normally these products should be in addition but often it is only what I am able to absorb. I developed a serious eating disorder for a month and a half. I have the impression that it is related to valium WD but also surely to Zyprexa WD. And for sure, it's link with a dépression WD. Maybe the Saint John wort can help...I don't know.

Sleep: I sleep about 7 hours with one or two wake up. BUT this is an extremely weird sleep. I don't feel like I slept. This is not MY sleep, the one I had for 41 years. It is a completely artificial, non-deep and non-restorative sleep that causes me to wake up in despair at having lost MY normal sleep forever. The awakening is sudden. It's a false sleep that disgusts me with its falsity.

The ingredients of protein products: water, glucose syrup, milk proteins, rapeseed oil, sucrose, coloring (E150d), emulsifier (E471), minerals (potassium citrate , potassium chloride, potassium phosphate, magnesium chloride, magnesium citrate, ferrous sulfate, zinc sulfate, magnesium oxide, manganese sulfate, copper sulfate, sodium fluoride, potassium iodide, chromium chloride, molybdate sodium, sodium selenate), acidity regulators (E525, E330), flavourings, vitamins (C, E, pantothenic acid, niacin, thiamine, B6, riboflavin, A, folic acid, K, biotin, D, B12), stabilizer (E407). I know it's not great, but that's all I found about my loss of appetite and my lack of energy, motivation to organize meals. Before the drama, I ate only organic and wild in good quantity, I was another man. Normally these products should be in addition but often it is only what I am able to absorb. I developed a serious eating disorder for a month and a half. I have the impression that it is related to valium WD but also surely to Zyprexa WD. And for sure, it's link with a dépression WD. Maybe the Saint John wort can help...I don't know.

Edited October 15, 2022 by ChessieCat
reformatted translated text

October 14, 2022

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)

I saw this on the SA forum:

"Doing a TC is a gamble. You won't know if you've lost until it's too late and you develop severe withdrawal symptoms."
Along with other stuff about infinite recovery times after CT. Someone compares his decline from paxil to others who have been on CT of the same drug for six years. He says he feels 95% recovered while others still have severe symptoms. The article also talks about those who also had severe symptoms at the time of the CT and this is also a very bad sign.

Anyway, how can you not be suicidal? I was murdered with Zyprexa... I really don't see how I'm going to live in this state for many years, as I get older, and without being able to realize my dreams and my way of life... The Zyprexa has destroyed my willpower, my decision making, my life force, my sense of pleasure, I feel like the living dead. I can't function at all, eat, sleep, wash, etc. While I have always reached out to others (more than anyone else), I am isolated. I have lost my spontaneity... I have lost everything, whereas I was a very strong man who lived independently in the wilderness until a few months ago... The situation leaves me with so little hope of recovery. You can see that with zyprexa, things are very bleak. People don't go back to sleep, etc. And remain very weak. I am desperate.

Do I have to reinstate after 5 months? It sounds like madness and a bad choice but I am so desperate... Please, I would like to cry and cry and cry, but WD supersedes my emotion. I'm only anxious and desperate. I am always on the smartphone because I have lost all my abilities and skills....And going through life feels like I have lost everything and puts me in panic attack... Please.... I am dying.

Original text:

J'ai vu ça sur le forum SA :

"Faire un CT est un pari. Vous ne saurez pas si vous avez perdu jusqu'à ce qu'il soit trop tard et que vous développiez de graves symptômes de sevrage."

Avec d'autres choses sur les temps de récupération infinis après CT. Quelqu'un compare sa diminution du paxil à d'autres qui ont fait CT du même médicament pendant six ans. Il dit qu'il se sent récupéré à 95% alors que les autres ont encore des symptômes graves. L'article parle également de ceux qui avaient en plus des symptômes sévères au moment du CT et c'est aussi un très mauvais signe.

Bref, comment ne pas être suicidaire ?? J'ai été assassiné avec du Zyprexa... Je ne vois vraiment pas comment je vais faire pour vivre dans cet état pendant plusieurs années, en vieillissant, et sans pouvoir réaliser mes rêves et mon mode de vie... Le Le Zyprexa a détruit ma volonté, ma prise de décision, ma force vitale, mon sens du plaisir, je me sens comme un mort-vivant. Je ne peux plus du tout fonctionner, manger, dormir, me laver, etc. Alors que j'ai toujours tendu la main aux autres (plus que quiconque), je suis isolé. J'ai perdu ma spontanéité... J'ai tout perdu alors que j'étais un homme très fort qui vivait de manière indépendante dans la nature jusqu'à il y a quelques mois... La situation me laisse si peu d'espoir de guérison. On voit que pour le zyprexa, les choses sont très sombres. Les gens ne se rendorment pas, etc. Et restent très faibles. Je suis désespérée.

Dois-je faire une réintégration après 5 mois ?? Cela ressemble à de la folie et à un mauvais choix mais je suis tellement désespérée... S'il vous plaît, j'aimerais pleurer pleurer et pleurer, mais WD supr mon émotion. Je suis seulement anxieux et désespéré. Je suis toujours sur le smartphone car j'ai perdu toutes mes capacités et capacités....Et aller dans la vie donne le sentiment que j'ai tout perdu et me met en crise de panique... S'il vous plait.... je suis mourant.

Edited October 15, 2022 by ChessieCat
added deepL translation

October 14, 2022

The whole life has become a trigger since at each step, each element, I measure how much I am destroyed and no longer viable at all and therefore how much everything is ruined. Also Every thing sends me back to the trigger that it was enough for me just not to go to the hospital because I had really hesitated a lot but my stomach was hurting me too much. Instead, I could have gone to rest with an absent friend and fasted. But I made the choice to go to the hospital and now my life is destroyed.

October 14, 2022

Senzu,

Good job on those NOTES! Those are unbelievably helpful to us in figuring out how to best help you.

Put a date at the top of your next one or note the day. And please do a couple of more days for us. Then post them. It does help a lot to see the consecutive days, as sometimes something will stand out more clearly.

Senzu, I know it's real rough now. Get off line for a bit every day. Watch a pleasant show or read a pleasant book. Something bright, something optimistic.

I'm not kidding when I say there is hope, all kinds of hope for you and healing.

Sending patience, some decent restorative sleep as well.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

October 14, 2022

Hey there. There, there. It's not going to be like this forever. Or feel like this forever. Try your best not to get lost in negative forecasting now. It happens to a lot of members that they get stuck in negative forecasting at first........when they find lot's of stuff on the internet that might apply to their specific situation......and then think it's all black and white, good or bad........whatever.

Remember. You are unique and have every possibility of healing. You do.

I may be able to get back later today.......not sure yet........but could you translate one of your last posts for us and post the translation. And then some of them are translated but posting in that form where we need to scroll across to read. I'm sure you can get them in a format and translated for easier comprehension for us all. You sound very down and upset this morning(here it is morning).

Are you doing okay with translations English to French? Or are you multilingual?

Okay, keep the NOTEs coming in on a daily basis. Thank you so much for attending to that.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

October 14, 2022

I'm French and I don't speak English very well. That's why I use Google Translate as best I can, proofreading to see if I don't see any errors in my opinion. The format comes from a copy-paste manipulation, I'll see if I can fix it. I am really very very bad. My condition has only gotten worse since Zyprexa CT and I feel doomed. I don't know how to live anymore. My symptoms are unbearable. Zyprexa CT destroyed me and it's not progressing. Valium WD also comes to spoil things. I thought I had correctly translated into English each of my messages. I'll see if I can make some effort for you. My symptoms are so strong that I can't do anything to distract myself. Very High first dose Zyprexa with Bad reactions, 3 weeks, then Zyprexa CT with very very bad réactions..... Valium 25 mg on the top to become dependant.... Hope ??? I suffer too much all the day... It's really too much pain. Many months already.... Please.... It's too much. I'm looking for Hope....... I don't see anything..... Where is the exit ? Reinstatement ? After 5 months ?

Thanks everybody

October 15, 2022

Senzu,

On 10/13/2022 at 4:42 PM, Senzu said:

I forgot to tell you that I've been taking St. John's wort for a few days and I think it's a good thing to counter the depression caused by the benzo. And mianserin isn't an SSRI, si there's no matter with the St. John wort.

Are you still taking the St. Johns Wort? I didn't see it in your notes of yesterday.

Mianserin, while not an SSRI, is a serotonin antagonist so it likely blocks uptake of serotonin too.

And I don't think we are dealing with low serotonin.

Here's our original myth busters thread about that:

Again, chemical imbalance is a myth. Stop the lies please.

See: St. John's Wort(Hypericum Perforatum)

If....you have been on it for awhile, then a taper off would be best.

I think if you mess with any brain chemical by way of the medications/drugs you mess with all of them really........as they do often try to keep some kind of pre-drug homeostasis.

Anyway. Stick with just the magnesium an omega 3's(fish oil) for now. Those were mentioned in my first post to you, with a link.

And you are doing okay with the translate now. Thank you.

I'll try not to be trite, or too optimistic then?? Maybe I should be less cheerful. I'm just sure you can and will make progress soon. That's all. You do know Senzu, that we are just an internet drug tapering and WD support site? If at any time, you just don't feel safe with yourself anymore, then I encourage you to seek local help.

Looking forward to seeing your NOTES of the last 24 hours tomorrow.

We're here. We are trying to decide what might be best for you(with your tapering, and/or reinstatement) and just want to base it on those daily NOTES too. Try to just stay put for another couple days without any new additions or subtractions and do the NOTEs then post them. I know it must be really tedious. Did you get outside today or poke your head out?

Always appreciate your input. I just want to hear one good thing about the last 24 hours......help you see it's not hopeless. Call that friend for a walk. I bet they would be glad to hear from you.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited October 15, 2022 by manymoretodays

October 15, 2022

Saturday October 15, 2022.

5h30 of very weird sleep. When I woke yo, I took a pill of valerian Roots to have more rest but it doesn't work.

The effect of mianserin 20mg decreases. Several weeks ago, since the beginning of July, I was on 10 mg, and I had felt the effect gradually diminishing with a reduction in sleep time. And so I switched several weeks ago to 20 mg, and I think the effect is diminishing again and that worries me a lot. I think I know that's classic with antihistamines. This worries me a lot because here I am dependent on a drug that has less and less effect. And finally by taking it, I made things worse. But if I didn't take it, I didn't sleep so much.

I know you want to give hope, but you also know very well that the protocol that I underwent with Zyprexa has caused a very very serious situation with little hope of recovery, maybe no hope. The disappearance of my normal sleep creates many other symptoms I think such as DP DR, depression, lack of appetite, and anhedonia and apathy. Medicines are the ones that create the chemical imbalance. Valium lowers levels of all other neurotransmitters. I don't want to take meds anymore, can you help me stop mianserin, valium... ? Can you really help me get back to being myself again with my sleep architecture without meds? (while I think it's not possible because of zyprexa, but I'd like to believe in you about Hope.... But..... But..... Zyprexa !!!!!!!)

Or should I switch to mianserin 30mg to increase sleep time again (weird sleep)? But that's making things even worse.

The truth is that zyprexa is a life/soul/love Killer, and what we are supposed to do ? Please, please, give me a real sense of hope. I have read everywhere that people bas Taken zyprexa don't sleep anymore... And it's a torture who transformé life into à nightmare. Maybe I have increase the torture taking mianserin....

Edited October 15, 2022 by ChessieCat
reformatted font

October 15, 2022

Saturday, October 15, 2022

8:30 a.m.

All my life I had a perfect, very deep sleep where I could sleep late in the morning only to feel perfectly fine afterwards with full energy until midnight or later.

Since Zyprexa, it's nonsense. I am no longer the same person, I no longer recognize myself. Panic sets in because I know I'm going to a new day where I can't think of myself, where I feel tired and unmotivated for anything, where I have no appetite, where I tell myself with every step, Zyprexa ruined my life. I feel the akathisia and the panic coming, and I lie in my bed trying to reassure my being, but I know that when I stand up facing life and facing all my incapacities and all my regrets of having destroys my life, the panic will be there. I saw that everyone who took Zyprexa, and even worse for those who took it like me (first high dose and CT), sleep does not return or very very very little. Many talk about one hour recovered each year (!!!!!) to stay in durations that are not normal at all and that do not allow the body to recover. It's a total tragedy for me because I believe that not sleeping (even though I allways slept very well in my life) was my biggest fear. If I weren't writing to you, I think I would already be having a panic attack. Thank you all. No Hope. Where's the Hope with Zyprexa ? I have read all the internet on this topic. I'd really like to have Hope and faire, for sure. But Zyprexa seems the strongest.

October 15, 2022

15 hours ago, Senzu said:

I'm French and I don't speak English very well. That's why I use Google Translate as best I can, proofreading to see if I don't see any errors in my opinion. The format comes from a copy-paste manipulation, I'll see if I can fix it.

I suggest that you use deepL.com. The text copies and pastes without the formatting issues of google translation.

However, if you do prefer to use google translate, after you have translated the text, click on the arrows in the middle at the top and the text will change sides and then copy the English text and it will not have the same issues.

October 15, 2022

I feel like hell because I realize today that my akathisia contains real tardive dyskinesia. For me it was agitation, therefore akathisia, which is already very serious, very very serious. But I find that the way I frantically shake my hands is becoming more frequent and lasting. Associated with this, I have extreme anxiety but also a shortness of breath that stops, which makes me think more and more of dyskinesia of the respiratory muscles, which is part of the TD caused by neuroleptics. And I also have the tremors (right leg tremors when I'm sitting and anxious). Akathisia, dyskinesias, and tremors, I really seem to have extra pyramidal syndrome. In short, I feel even more in hell. When I underwent Zyprexa CT, my whole body went into tremors and dyskinesias. The valium will have just made it possible to hide this for a few months.... hell... please.... Where is the hope?

October 15, 2022

I see that mianserin can cause movement disorders.... I think most of what I'm experiencing is from zyprexa but I'm really wondering if I should stop mianserin. I'm very very bad. The movements no longer stop. And mianserin had even less of an effect last night for sleep. But if I stop Mianserin, I think I'll be down to next to nothing sleep-wise. I'm close to calling the emergency room but it shouldn't be. They could "take me back"...

Please....help..... Too much pain.

October 15, 2022

Crisis of akathisia and extreme dyskinesias today. All day long.

propranolol? I've never taken it, but I have it at home. I didn't want to take it but the akathisia and dyskinesias are really extreme today.

I do not know what to do. I want to stop all the drugs but I'm suffering really too much... I feel the origin is still Zyprexa CT.... Is there a Hope to survive ? It's impossible to function, to eat, in that state.

Should I stop or decrease mianserin? Am I quitting St. John's Wort? Valium, what do I do? I'm still not going to crank it any higher so I've managed to wean off 9mg so far. Please... someone...

October 15, 2022

Senzu, I would like to talk to you personally to give you strength. This community deals with the safe and slow reduction of medication. You got really good and helpful recommendations here from the moderators within a few days!

I can only tell you what helped my wife to reduce Olanzapine and its side effects:
NAC - is an antioxidant that helps repair cells. We have also noticed that it significantly improves sleep - https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/nac-benefits

Fish oil and magnesium. These are also very good supplements that have a positive effect on the nervous system.

Why don't you get these things and the other recommendations relatively soon and try them out at a low dose to see if they have a positive effect?
There are very many people here in the forum who have experienced an improvement through this.

October 15, 2022

Hey there Senzu,

I do see some partial NOTES done for today @ 5:30 am and then 8:30 am.

There is a lot of narrative thrown in too, which I am taking into account, and reading.

I would like to get further input from the site founder on your case, and to help decide what might be best for you. As far as any suggests for changes or additions now. Altostrata, the founder of this site, has had much more experience than I to date, in this area of expertise.

So: I am asking for a day, then another, posted like you did here:

Again, just time on the left, and then keep going with times on the left throughout the day and night. Then on the right, note drugs by name, with dose, any supplements used that day, and symptoms can be described briefly, some do use a rating scale for intensity of symptoms. Describe them, rather than getting into too much terminology that may or may not be confusing.

Here's the sample note again too, it might help you when you do yours:

DATE:

6 a.m. Woke with anxiety
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

Just fill in the night time when you are up the next day.

And then post them right here in a reply please.

Thanks Senzu. Sending all the healing I can right now, for you. Good thoughts and possibles as to what is happening from you in your posts. Just hang on, try, try to relax whenever that opportunity arises if at all.

Okay, best, L, P, H, and G,

mmt

October 16, 2022

5:30 am: I wake up with the feeling of having barely slept. Extreme anxiety because of the feeling of not being able to sleep normally. I spend time on my smartphone. I doze a little and sometimes fall asleep for 5 minutes and the cortisol wakes me up. I don't want to get out of bed, which is less stressful than starting the day. All this until 9:30.

9:30 a.m.: I'm not hungry for lunch. I turn around. The anxiety is extreme. From akathisia/dyskinesias come. Mostly hand fidgeting and tremors.

11 a.m.: I force myself to walk about 8,000 steps outside. But the anxiety does not go away while walking. I notice that I am weak in the legs. I sometimes lose my balance. Feeling weak gives me a feeling of dread.

12:30 p.m.: I'm still not hungry, I force myself to eat a drugstore protein product. I take 4 mg of valium.

1:30 p.m.: I don't feel any particular effect from taking Valium.I have no motivation, no pleasure. I can't find the energy to wash myself.

2:30 p.m.: Anxiety and akathisia are causing me serious respiratory problems. I think I have respiratory dyskinesia.

3:30 p.m.: I go to see my neighbor if I am too ill to get help. Or I go to the doctor's office to see my doctor who usually takes care of me between his appointments.

4 p.m.: I try to force myself to go back to walking, but I'm not sure I can. I take a pill of valerian Roots hoping a lower anxiety, but I don't know if it works.

5:30 p.m.: I spend all my time on my smartphone. Panic attacks and akathisia often recur. I have many excruciating thoughts and ruminations. What is the biggest trigger is thinking about the thousand ways and paths that would have saved my life instead of this hell.

6 p.m.: The end of the day lowers just a little bit the extreme anxiety and panic.

7 p.m.: I order a pizza without knowing if I will be able to eat it.

9 p.m.: Smartphone on subjects related to WD or survivors of psychiatry. I'm going to see my neighbor if I'm too bad.

0h: I take 10mg of valium and 20mg of mianserin.

0h30 : A bad sleep starts.

It's pure hell. However My life was an heaven few months ago.... I am wasted.

October 16, 2022

My other biggest trigger: I can't come to terms with being destroyed by the Zyprexa (felt my brain plummeting, and all the excruciating reactions during the Zyprexa CT, ) and all the gone to hell. I can't accept that I didn't make the right choices so I had so many opportunities to make other choices instead of going to the hospital. I just had to take the road, leaving my place where there was fear because of my ex, because that's what was burning my stomach and making me anxious. I can't accept having screwed up my whole life just for a bad choice. For not having been able to see that I was headed for the worst when so many signs showed it to me.

October 16, 2022

Misfortune. hell.

I realized for some time that what I call akathisia would be the worst: tardive dyskinesia. The intense agitation of my hands increased daily, associated with respiratory dyskinesias. In short, I face the worst. To misfortune. I have tardive dyskinesia which started when I taper the benzo. I am damned. It seems to me that the healing logic no longer really applies. I have one thing that won't heal. I don't know how this forum usually reacts to that. Maybe I'll even be abandoned, since it makes me lose my salvageable status.

I was murdered by the overly strong first dose of Zyprexa. Maybe a simple half dose would have saved my life, but with 20mg in one dose, the receptor occupancy rate is too high

Misfortune.

Please... Someone... I'm dying.

Senzu : suffering physically and mentally since stopping olanzapine and decreasing diazepam

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