Hopemom3

[Hopemom3]

49 minutes ago, KenA said:

I found when I was taking Melatonin I had a hard time with cog fog and alertness in the morning. I actually tapered myself off of melatonin, so it was less of a shock, but you should be fine in a few weeks Im sure. I sleep just fine without it now

I am 9 months into horrible withdrawals . Since insomnia is the worst I am trying melatonin.How you taper melatonin? I only took it for 2 weeks and not sure if it helps around 1.5 mg. I don’t want to add more issues to my life. Please let me know if you can. 

[manymoretodays]

Tell us more Hopemom3.  Can you do a signature? 

The signature is different from the confidential profile information you gave on registration. Follow the instructions:

how-to-summarize-your-drug-history-in-your-signature 

And/or tell us what you are WD(withdrawing) from here.

Drugs on at present. Names and doses.  Drugs off.  Last doses.  Tapering techniques.                                                                                   I don't think melatonin causes the same physiologic dependency that the psych drugs do.  And....you may not need 1.5 mg for it to help.  If it has caused worsening of WD(withdrawal) then just reduce it by 3rds and then off, or I might try that.  Here's our topic on melatonin: Melatonin for sleep (just click on the underlined passage(s) to get to the topic, then go to the first post)                                                       

 

Welcome aboard.  Best. Love, peace, and growth  Moderator mmt for manymoretodays

Do update us when you can.  Thanks.

 

Edited October 22, 2022 by manymoretodays
put in links, reformatted a bit, I had tried to post from android with difficulty..;-(

[KenA]

On 10/16/2022 at 2:01 PM, Hopemom3 said:

I am 9 months into horrible withdrawals . Since insomnia is the worst I am trying melatonin.How you taper melatonin? I only took it for 2 weeks and not sure if it helps around 1.5 mg. I don’t want to add more issues to my life. Please let me know if you can. 

It was extremely not precise, but I had the 3 MG dissolvable ones. I would break them in half and take them for 2 weeks. Then I broke them into quarters and took them for 2 weeks. After that I jumped off. And that was it. I didn't do the 10 percent method, but it worked for me doing halves and quarters. Hope this helps.

[Hopemom3]

Hello friends

 

I was  reading a lot of stories and looked for help for last months of my surviving journey. For very long time ,I was not able to write anything because I was barley  surviving day by day with help of my husband. Having kids , it is a survival for whole family.

 

Before October 2021 I was very healthy woman who had a happy beautiful life who never took any medication in her life. Due to lock of all information that I have now as you can see by my signature I was polydruged very fast. The longest time on medication was 6 weeks. All started when I got insomnia during covid in October 2021. By phone visits I was offered many things to try but most did not work and made me sick next day.

 

In November, I was directed to psychiatric doctor and he started me with Lorazepam. I started sleeping and it looked like all gets better but after 2 weeks I got tinnitus in both ears 24/7.  Doctor denied it that it is due to the drug. Now I know I started to feel withdrawals between doses  because I was taking 2 mg at night only. Started sleep shorter ,only 4 hr, feeling anxiety that I never felt in my life. All was denied that too short on medication to feel withdrawals.

 

I Was put on Zoloft 25 mg so this should help me with anxiety long run when we stop benzo. I was so sick for 3 weeks but was told it is normal and it will get better. I still listened  to the doctor. Zoloft always made my heart rate higher but since I was in withdrawals of benzo I was not sure which drug caused it. In Dec. 23 I was offered few options to resolve the withdrawal- 1. Start taking more than 2 mg and spread it during the day. 2. Switch to longer life benzo. Or 3. Taper it fast. (he did it in two weeks). For the toper he put me on Mirtizipine 15 mg to help with sleep during taper. All three drugs; Lorazepam fast taper. Zoloft and Mirtizipine was  Cold Turkey. I was told it is ok to do it that way because I was on low doses and short time. Zoloft -6 weeks and Mirtizipine 3 weeks. 

 

My hell on earth started. I am thankful to God that I am alive because in acute stage I was thinking i will not survive this. I had all symptoms that you can think of. In 5 and 6 week off my insomnia got so bad that my doctor suggested to use Lorazepam again every 3 days. I used 8 tablets in a month and half and finally understood that no medication will help me and  for sure not my doctor. I cut communication with him. He denied all sympthoms that I felt . He probably thinks that I am healthy because as per him longes I should feel something is a month.

 

My lonely journey started and I was looking for the answers online. I understood that all those symptoms are withdrawals. On one of the forum for Mirtizipine I was offered to reinstate the medication but since I CT 3 of them I was not sure which one. So today is 9 months off and many acute symptoms got better in 6 months but I am still in everyday withdrawals. I did not have yet any days that I felt symptom free but I have days or hours that are better than other times usually if I sleep more. Insomnia was the worst. I did not sleep for 2/3 of time of those 9 months.  It was phases of insomnia : 2,3,4 days of zero sleep and than some sleep. Sleep every day but only 1-2 hr and awake every 20 min. , than sleep every other day. In 7 month I reached that some nights I got 4 hr straight but this guarantee zero sleep next night, and so on .

 

As of today I get some sleep every other day. And still many night with 1-2 hr of sleep. Just this symptom is very difficult. I get  cortisol spikes every morning. I can feel it that something goes thru my body. Nights with almost zero sleep , I feel like some poison is going thru my body . My heart behaves strange. I know that I will not sleep better until this poison in my body will not resolve. From the reading, this could be my women hormones, Histamine, cortisol or who knows what. My tinnitus during withdrawal got very loud. It is still 24/7.  Sensitivity to light and noise- , chemical sensitivity-even pain killer gets me much worst next day so I try to not take anything.

 

There is more to write . I lost 30 pounds and in very short time, now I am around 104 and wish to put some weight on but due to this limited diet it is hard.I feel still very sick most of the time but don’t want to take more time to put in writing. I got used to this misery so some days I function somehow. I am better than 6 months ago, but month seven got differently difficult.   What I am doing to help:

 

Low histamine diet last 7 months- not sure if its helping, Organic food only, Supplements : tried every supplement available on market but last 6 month  only use magnesium at night. I tried melatonin twice for short periods. It seemed to help on the beginning than it stopped. Exercising: I only can walk. I was walking to help with mornings that are most difficult. . My most symptoms  are physiological, All psychological symptoms got better. I still cry but  nothing to compere to acute time. 

 

In June I was told by woman doctor that my blood shows that I am pre- menopause. I thing withdrawals are pushing me faster to this stage. I still have a period every month but I observed that it is different that before all this started. So I would like to get some advise. 

 

Is there anything I can do to find out what hormones or anything else makes me feel so sick during night? 

I follow all your advises for cortisol spikes. I used some supplements suggested but with opposite results. Usually If I take something new my night is much worst. So stopped experimenting. I know that in withdrawals only time helps .The premenopausal could be long. Do you know anyone who went thru withdrawals and premenopausal same time? This mix makes me thinking sometimes. Will I feel that withdrawals stopped ? Thank You very much for reading and I will wait for any advise.

 

I would like to get my life back so I could give more to my kids. I am trying my best but our life changed for sure. 

 

P.S There is so much to write to describe all those 9 months . 

 

Edited October 26, 2022 by ChessieCat
added spacing for easier reading

[Hopemom3]

On 10/22/2022 at 6:48 PM, manymoretodays said:

Tell us more Hopemom3.  Can you do a signature? 

The signature is different from the confidential profile information you gave on registration. Follow the instructions:

how-to-summarize-your-drug-history-in-your-signature 

And/or tell us what you are WD(withdrawing) from here.

Drugs on at present. Names and doses.  Drugs off.  Last doses.  Tapering techniques.                                                                                   I don't think melatonin causes the same physiologic dependency that the psych drugs do.  And....you may not need 1.5 mg for it to help.  If it has caused worsening of WD(withdrawal) then just reduce it by 3rds and then off, or I might try that.  Here's our topic on melatonin: Melatonin for sleep (just click on the underlined passage(s) to get to the topic, then go to the first post)                                                       

 

Welcome aboard.  Best. Love, peace, and growth  Moderator mmt for manymoretodays

Do update us when you can.  Thanks.

 

Hi thank you for inviting. Please review mine introduction and send me some hope my way . 
thank you 

 

[Elaine5]

Hi Hopemom, wishing you strength and healing. I am also going through some very bad insomnia recently. Hang in there. 

[Hopemom3]

@ElaineBenes5 Thank You . Hardest time in my life:( wish you all the best too. Praying that the better time comes. 

[Hopemom3]

@ElaineBenes5 Thank You . Hardest time in my life:( wish you all the best too. Praying that the better tim

On 10/22/2022 at 6:48 PM, manymoretodays said:

Tell us more Hopemom3.  Can you do a signature? 

The signature is different from the confidential profile information you gave on registration. Follow the instructions:

how-to-summarize-your-drug-history-in-your-signature 

And/or tell us what you are WD(withdrawing) from here.

Drugs on at present. Names and doses.  Drugs off.  Last doses.  Tapering techniques.                                                                                   I don't think melatonin causes the same physiologic dependency that the psych drugs do.  And....you may not need 1.5 mg for it to help.  If it has caused worsening of WD(withdrawal) then just reduce it by 3rds and then off, or I might try that.  Here's our topic on melatonin: Melatonin for sleep (just click on the underlined passage(s) to get to the topic, then go to the first post)                                                       

 

Welcome aboard.  Best. Love, peace, and growth  Moderator mmt for manymoretodays

Do update us when you can.  Thanks.

 

Hello @manymoretodays 

I was not aware how to tag you when I made my signature so maybe that is a reason I didn’t hear from you. I have a question that maybe this forum can help. I did a blood test a week ago . My ALT enzymes went up since in withdrawals. I stoped medication in January 22 . Blood test in February for ALT was 12 but now it is 47 . I know that people get higher numbers when on medication but is it possible that my got worst during those 9 months after ct. I am very small, low histamine diet last 7 months, no alcohol, no coffee. Also my cholesterol got higher and low on ferritin . I don’t feel any pain around liver . Should I look for any reason? Any thoughts please share . Thank you 

[manymoretodays]

Hi Hopemom3,

Good job with your signature!  I did see your signature and reply, and had you my list to check back with.  I'm okay with a notification from you.  I can't always get to everyone when I would like, and so appreciate the reminder.  It get's busy here too, and you are new, and so........I don't want you to feel overlooked.  Sometimes it's a few days or more, for me to get back to someone.  And happy to see that some other members and a mentor have stopped by too, in my absence.  Appreciated.

And oh my, it's been a heck of a year or even more for you.  It appears that you became physiologically dependent on benzo's, and then were tapered off too fast, and then treated with various AD's(antidepressants).  Ooof.  This makes me upset.  With the lorazepam, you definitely were on that long enough to have established dependency.  And that was a brutal WD.

We do promote the 10% or less harm reduction method with benzo's too.

 

AD's have never been proven or shown to work with benzo WD(withdrawal).  And with you, it sounds like it made things even worse or tougher.

 

So you are completely drug free now?

 

27 minutes ago, Hopemom3 said:

I have a question that maybe this forum can help. I did a blood test a week ago . My ALT enzymes went up since in withdrawals. I stoped medication in January 22 . Blood test in February for ALT was 12 but now it is 47 . I know that people get higher numbers when on medication but is it possible that my got worst during those 9 months after ct. I am very small, low histamine diet last 7 months, no alcohol, no coffee. Also my cholesterol got higher and low on ferritin . I don’t feel any pain around liver . Should I look for any reason? Any thoughts please share . Thank you 

 

What did your doctor think on the higher liver enzyme, or ALT?  I would certainly want their input on that. 

Are you a drinker?  Or on any other drugs?    I just googled ALT liver enzyme high, and lot's of information and possible causes and even treatments came up:

https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=alt+liver+enzyme+high

(I'll have to check and see how that links to results of my search, after I submit this reply)

 

It does indicate that your liver is not working properly and/or may have had damage.  And the current malfunction might be due to a past drug or present drug.  Also I read that >100 is serious with a ALT elevation. 

So, check with your doctor, and my guess is that it will be worth remeasuring after some time has passed, and you may not really know just why it occurred, if and when it goes down again.  I mean I'm always hopeful.  And good too that it is only at 47 now.

Any other symptoms of liver malfunction or damage going on? 

There's a good outline of liver problem symptoms here:  MAO clinic, Liver problems symptoms and causes

 

So, that being said, we don't do medical here.  I didn't mind briefly checking with a search and learning more myself. 

And also it's good to know too, for us, that this has occurred while you are still in some protracted withdrawal syndrome, and healing, and recovering.

 

How are you today, overall? 

 

Worried no doubt, the terms "failure and damage, cirrhosis and cancer" scare any of us.  I am hoping that information I found should be of some comfort too.  That's my intent.  ALT of 47 is much better than ALT of greater than 100.  So.  Much better.  Do hear that.

 

And best, and oh, I am often always reading, even when I am not signed in here and moderating, so know that too.  Rooting for you.  Sending healing vibes all. the. time.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

[manymoretodays]

After reading your last post too, I am feeling like the bulk of your WD may have been precipitated with the benzo WD, particularly the lorazepam.

You took your last dose in January 2022, I see.

And oh my, benzo WD, AD WD..........it can be brutal for some.  Again, I'm so sorry.

Do stick around if the additional support now helps you.

I know some do have a difficult time, from time to time........reading and comparing and feeling worse sometimes.

 

I'd recommend you check Finding Meaning, Off Topic, Some of the Symptoms and Self Care topics(with those, start with the top pinned topics that apply and some of them have indexed lists to all kinds of decent non-drug self help modalities).

 

Can you get to the Home Page when you sign in?  You can read too, when not signed in?  ........ and then you'll see all the forums here, and how we are laid out.  A few forums are "members only" and so you do need to sign in to read or contribute to topics in those.

 

Okay.  You are doing great.  Healing.  Recovering.  Asking good questions.  Oh my gosh, and you are taking excellent care of yourself now.  Keep moving forward.  To health!

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited November 13, 2022 by manymoretodays

[Hopemom3]

2 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Hi Hopemom3,

Good job with your signature!  I did see your signature and reply, and had you my list to check back with.  I'm okay with a notification from you.  I can't always get to everyone when I would like, and so appreciate the reminder.  It get's busy here too, and you are new, and so........I don't want you to feel overlooked.  Sometimes it's a few days or more, for me to get back to someone.  And happy to see that some other members and a mentor have stopped by too, in my absence.  Appreciated.

And oh my, it's been a heck of a year or even more for you.  It appears that you became physiologically dependent on benzo's, and then were tapered off too fast, and then treated with various AD's(antidepressants).  Ooof.  This makes me upset.  With the lorazepam, you definitely were on that long enough to have established dependency.  And that was a brutal WD.

We do promote the 10% or less harm reduction method with benzo's too.

 

AD's have never been proven or shown to work with benzo WD(withdrawal).  And with you, it sounds like it made things even worse or tougher.

 

So you are completely drug free now?

 

 

What did your doctor think on the higher liver enzyme, or ALT?  I would certainly want their input on that. 

Are you a drinker?  Or on any other drugs?    I just googled ALT liver enzyme high, and lot's of information and possible causes and even treatments came up:

https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=alt+liver+enzyme+high

(I'll have to check and see how that links to results of my search, after I submit this reply)

 

It does indicate that your liver is not working properly and/or may have had damage.  And the current malfunction might be due to a past drug or present drug.  Also I read that >100 is serious with a ALT elevation. 

So, check with your doctor, and my guess is that it will be worth remeasuring after some time has passed, and you may not really know just why it occurred, if and when it goes down again.  I mean I'm always hopeful.  And good too that it is only at 47 now.

Any other symptoms of liver malfunction or damage going on? 

There's a good outline of liver problem symptoms here:  MAO clinic, Liver problems symptoms and causes

 

So, that being said, we don't do medical here.  I didn't mind briefly checking with a search and learning more myself. 

And also it's good to know too, for us, that this has occurred while you are still in some protracted withdrawal syndrome, and healing, and recovering.

 

How are you today, overall? 

 

Worried no doubt, the terms "failure and damage, cirrhosis and cancer" scare any of us.  I am hoping that information I found should be of some comfort too.  That's my intent.  ALT of 47 is much better than ALT of greater than 100.  So.  Much better.  Do hear that.

 

And best, and oh, I am often always reading, even when I am not signed in here and moderating, so know that too.  Rooting for you.  Sending healing vibes all. the. time.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

Hello @manymoretodays 

Thank you for your respond. Brutal is understatement what I had to go thru and still going. I only thank God that I am still around and my kids have a mom. First 6 months was acute stage with many , many symptoms (psychological and physical). In two months I got to the weight that I was in elementary school. This was drastic. Many symptoms got better like emotions , depression and all that you know well. After that time everything got just differently difficult and hard. On the beginning I would not survive without my husband now I am 50% functioning. I will try to answer your questions:

 

1. I do not take any medication, not even advil. ( felt on the beginng that I could be sensitive)I took 3 tablets of advil in those 9 months. I never had to take any medication before in my life. I was pretty healthy as for my age.

 

2. I read also about ALT on line but nothing can go with my situation. I am planning to go back to see what doctor thinks but since this withdrawals I am really scared of doctors. They know nothing. I went only for physical just to check the blood. It is so painful to hear from doctor that it is not possible for so long and so bad . I stopped visiting them . 

Never drinker. Occasional glass of wine for dinner or bear during hot summer. Last 12 months ZERO

My diet – low histamine diet . Organic only , no processed food, no sugar only some allowed fruits or maple syrup.

So I found those two:

1. I found this on google : Can Stress Cause Elevated Liver Enzymes? Stress and anxiety are proven to contribute to high liver enzyme levels since they can reduce blood flow to the liver.

 

My body is in chronicle stress for almost year.  Never feel relaxed. Maybe little better than was on begging. I feel cortisol most of the day.

 

2. My cholesterol is also high. But I think it is  genetical because I was always on high end. But now got higher. So Google says: High–normal level of ALT was associated with higher levels of LDL-cholesterol, LDL-P, sdLDL-C, and sdLDL particles 

Those two thinks are only possible or something else that I do not know. What you think?

 

 

How I am overall?

-Tinnitus 24/7 

-Insomnia- I am surprised that I am still alive. I am able to sleep 3or sometimes 4 hours straight but not everyday. Many nights still 1-2 hr and waking  many times. Some nights zero but much less than on begging. Never rested. Sleep deprived. On the begging tried many supplements but nothing worked. Now I take Tart cherry and magnesium . Not sure if helping.

-Constant sensations on my skin. They change with intensity or type of sensations. This is very hard since I can feel it all the time.

-My head is never clear- feeling being in the clouds. It was much worst.

-Cortisol spike – around 5 am . Very intense shoots of something true my body. Sometimes even whole night. But not sure wich hormon.

-Tension of the Feet- before same tension I felt in my hands and jaw but now is gone.

-Heart issues- I can feel most of the time that my heart is beating . Heart Rate changes thru the day. My resting heart is around 72 as per fitbit so on high sight.- but much better because on the begging I was sure that I will have heart attack. Also very low blood pressure but I was always on low side.

-Feeling week, with not much energy. But better because Fatigue was much worst before.

-Mornings are very difficult

-GI were bad. But now only some loose #2. But it could be because of magnesium.

-Sometimes still sad and crying but it is most of the time when I think how much I am missing out in my life. My kids are missing fully functioning mom.

Overall maybe 20% better. I do not have clear windows  but some days or hours are better than others. Sleep deprivation makes everything much worst. Not traveling, no socializing ,except family. But I started calling people and they say I sound better. Functioning around the house 50%. I am not always able to do my chores as mom. Probably missed some but those are my major one.

 

I also have one more question. 7-8 months ago I started low histamine diet since this was recommended by Mirtazapine group. I only did it because of insomnia. I did not see and still not see any improvements because of diet but am scared that it will get worst if I will start eating high histamine food. I was on Mirtizipine only 3.5 weeks but was told it is enough to damage Histamine receptors. This diet is so difficult . I do not have any rashes or hives but those skin sensations and insomnia keeps me going with it. What you think ? Should I start introducing food? I miss good food. I am also low on Iron so more variety of food would be better for me. Also would let me to be outside of the house longer.

I have to acknowledge that this long process put me true hell and now I am afraid of many things. ( even food  ). Never had any allergy and ate everything.

 

On positive note I must be better since I wrote so much , 2 months ago I would not be able to do it.   

 

Thank you so much for all your work that you do for all of us. It is underground world that I did not know it existed. I will never ever take any of this drugs again if God gives me longer life. Thank You Thank You All 

 

[manymoretodays]

Hi Hopemom3,

Okay.  Good reporting and update and details.

Good improvements too, that you seem 50% better with some of your symptoms and functioning, is great at this point.

 

And here is another topic:

Histamine food intolerance

Also I think you might benefit from looking at: BeyondMeds: Everything Matters

There is a drop down menu there, which is helpful in finding topics that apply.  I do know from reading so much there at one time, that the author of the site/blog did relate that she had to switch things up, at different times in her healing/recovery from polypharmacy for many years.  So that may be what you decide to do, carefully, and cautiously......of course.

I might try a slow introduction, of one new thing at a time with your diet.  Sure.  Observe, only making one change at a time......and I think you'll know inherently how to move forward with diet.  I didn't have to change a whole lot.  So I am perhaps not the best to ask.  I do keep to getting my greens in, for a methyl-folate metabolism deficiency.  And I do believe it helps.  I do supplement as well, with a capsule too.  I think if we can get what we need from food though, all the better.  It's just hard these days, our food is not what it used to be.......so depleted sometimes of nutrients.

 

The stress though, or stress response.......you are so correct on that.  So anything.......all the calming, non-drug things you can practice, the better.......in that it will or may change patterns in your nervous system now.

Just look at the diagram here in the first post I think:

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

It's illustrated nicely.  And yes, we can do so many things to change patterns, or I believe that.

 

I've got the head hitting desk syndrome going now, it's late for me to be online. 

I will be out more than in, and limited when in for the next week or slightly more, just so you know.

 

Okay.  Keep up the good work of repair Hopemom3.  You ARE making great progress.  That's good.  And you obviously have a lot to offer in this world of ours.  LOL, the "underground world"......... how about the airwave world......Idk, we seek.......we find.......we heal.......we rise up.......

 

Nitey, nite,

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[Storm365]

Hello @Hopemom3. How are you doing these days?