angela9985: how a normal person lied to get ADs and was ruined

[angela9985]

DESPERATE: How a normal person lie for antidepressants and was ruined

 

tl;dr: A burned-out normal person thought antidepressants could be performance enhancer so she lied to doc that she was depressed. She was treated as GAD and MDD because she had side effects and reached a point that with drugs she couldn't function. She was eventually honest with her doctor and is in the process of withdrawing. She felt very bad, anxious and sleepless because of the withdrawal symptoms, and deeply desperate and regretful. She has realized that she has made terrible mistakes and is guilty. She needs hope/support/encouragement that taking time she will be back to normal.

From 2020 to 2021/05 I was a workaholic and didn't have a schedule at all. I just woke up and drank coffee, forced myself to work, and sleep at the point I could not work anymore, ate at the point I felt hungry. So going to bed in the morning and having lunch at 3 am was normal for me at that year. I feel so regretful, I thought I was young and healthy, so I should work as hard as I could regardless of my health.

So after a year self burning, I was completely retarded. I couldn't sleep anymore. My heart was pounding when I tried to sleep, and it took me hours to fall asleep. However, besides the sleep problem, I was functioning normally. I still finished work and hung out with my friends. Just my sleep was completely ruined, which is not surprising given a year's messed up.

However, even at that point, I was still thinking about performance enhancements. If I was a little bit reasonable, I should pick an antidepressant that helps with sleep, a calmer one. But I was so crazy, I picked venlafaxine which is known for activating and notorious for increasing heart rate and worsening sleep. I don't know what was wrong with me at that point, maybe I was confused by the devil, I neglected all of the venlafaxine's side effects. I must have read about its side effects somewhere but my mind refused to accept or believe it.

So I went to a walk-in clinic, and lie to the doctor that I had venlafaxine before, and I had a generalized anxiety disorder. The doctor believed me and started treating me as GAD.

As I said, venlafaxine has notorious side effects that will make heart racing and worsen sleep. I didn't realize that, and the doctor ironically didn't realize that either. After taking venlafaxine, I had more and more frequent heart racing and worse sleep. The doctor thought it was my GAD got worse, and he increased the dosage of A and benzo for sleep, which only made things worse. Eventually he gave me rexulti, the antipsychotic. Ironically my racing heart recovered after having rexulti.

I was so happy, I thought I was cured. So I went back to work. However my sleep was so bad that I always felt tired. So I saw a psychiatrist, and told her about the sleep problem and of course the lie about having GAD. She prescripted me mirtazapine 30mg before bedtime. I stopped mirtazapine in November because it made me gain 30 lbs.

So from August to December(November) I was on 225mg of venlafaxine and 30mg of mirtazapine. I was so fatigued everyday but forced myself to work because I wanted to achieve something.
It was so dark during these months. My neurosystem and brain have already been messed up by so many drugs, but I believed I was fine and cured and stable, and of course, I was not.

My only mental support was a promise with my friend that after December we would go on a trip, a long relaxing trip. Every time I felt burned out I told myself, hold onto it; there is a trip waiting for you.
And devastating thing happened: My friend went back to her home country in December and January. I didn't realize it until my work was done. I suddenly realized that the trip was gone. I lost the only hope and good thing which kept me going and not falling apart for months. My mental health was totally destroyed at that point.

I shouldn't be so desperate and burned out, but after months of abusive use of drugs my brain and neuro system were completely messed up. I would say, if I didn't take these antidepressants for months I wouldn't have that mental meltdown in December.

I was sent to the emergency in December. There they gave me more benzos, and the psychiatrist increased my venlafaxine from 225mg to 300mg. He also gave me another antidepressant bupropion.
bupropion was another super activating drug, and wasn't helping my mental health at all. My mental health issue got better after spending time with my other friends, and bupropion caused a lot of panic attacks, sleep problems and racing hearts.

How do I know they are directly caused by bupropion? because these symptoms went away after I cold turkeyed bupropion.

That was a point when I realized psychiatrists are not so reliable: The psychiatrist who gave me bupropion insisted that my anxiety, panic attacks , racing heart and worsen sleep were caused by my worsen GAD, because according to their "guildline", bupropion is supposed to help with anxiety. However this time I know for sure bupropion was causing these problems because they went away after I stopped bupropion for a short amount of days.

Also my sleep got worse and worse in 2022. I could only slept for a few hours, and the sleep was bad, it didn't recharge me. I was just a dead body walking. Yea I was working **** hard and that was just by my strong spirit. I was so tired these days and it was abnormal tiredness, more like restlessness. I was so so so tired, but I couldn't nap. My heart was pounding so loudly whenever I tried to nap. And of course my heart was pounding at bedtime, and my doctor just gave me more benzo, what a shame!
Remind you that by May 2022 I have been taking venlafaxine for a year on a high dosage, and venlafaxine is a strong activator and is notorious for raising heart beat and causing anxiety even for really depressed ppl. I, a healthy person, have been on it for a year, and by May 2022 I have almost reached my limit.

Finally my family doctor suspected that venlafaxine is not suitable for me. So he switched me to escitalopram.

So in June, July and August I was taking escitalopram. My sleep was still bad, and I became even more tired during the day. And I had brain fog all the time, ironically I was still taking driving lessons. It's so dangerous for me to drive and I know it. I failed tests for other reasons, and now I realize they might be a warning from god. Test center ppl didn't know I was dangerous driving, but they still failed me. This must be a sign from god, warning me that I am on the wrong path.

Brain fog, fatigue, bad sleep, my family doctor thought it was my depression that went worse. So he increased the dosage of D to 20mg(the max) and rexulti to 3mg.

By the end of July, my work became intense. I was fatigued and foggy, but I have to work. I worked **** hard again under tons of pressure, with a foggy brain and fatigue. That week was so bad that I had really bad headache.

I guess I was really on the edge of falling apart by then. The week after that I had the worst panic attack and sleeplessness. I lost my sleep completely, I became so fatigued that I couldn't function in the day. If in July the fatigue and fog were something I could still live with, by the end of August that became something that I couldn't live with because I couldn't function at all.

went to the emergency again, and they gave me Seroquel, another antipsychotic. This is the med that kept me sleeping all day in September. But no one told me that. I figured it out after I stopped it. Oh I wasn't working since August because I cannot.

And brain fog is making me crazy. I didn't have the fog when I was on venlafaxine, so I switched back to venlafaxine. The fog went away, but my racing heart and bad sleep came back. When I was standing , my heart rate was 120.

So my family doctor switched me to trintellix, the one I.am taking and tapering right now. After switching to trintellix my heart rate became normal again. But still I was so fatigue and sometimes foggy. I wasn't able to sit still and watch a movie even. I began to realize something was wrong. For the first time, I was honest to my doctor and everyone around me. I told them at the beginning there was nothing wrong with me, I lied for antidepressants just for enhancing performance.

My doctor cold turkeryed rexulti and Seroquel six weeks ago and I am still suffering from its withdrawal symptoms: bad sleep, anxiety, brain fog. This week my doctor asked me to taper trintellix. I have been taking 5 mg for three days and could feel the anxiety is worsen, so is my sleep.

But at this point I really don't care about my feeling anymore. I just want these poison to get out of body ASAP and give my body time to recover back to normal. I was so regretful that I lied, I was stupid and greedy. I am in desperate everyday that there has been permanent damage to my brain and I will never become a normal person again. PLEASE give me some support/encouragement/hope that I will be back to normal. PLEASE feel free to blame me for being so stupid. I feel lonely, helpless and desperate.

 

Edited November 11, 2022 by ChessieCat
added topic title before shortening/added spacing/resized font

[getofflex]

Hello, and welcome to SA.  We are a volunteer-run community of people who have been or are getting off of psychiatric drugs.  I'm glad you found us.  Thank you for your patience.  

 

On 11/10/2022 at 9:28 PM, angela9985 said:

That was a point when I realized psychiatrists are not so reliable:

I couldn't agree more.  The doctors who put you on this drug carousel sound like they do not know what they are doing.  It sounds like your nervous system is destabilized from the many drug changes you have made over the past couple of years.  I strongly suggest that you do not do any tapering of your current drugs for a while, and give your brain a chance to rest from all the drug changes. 

 

Can you please give us specific information in your signature about your drug history for all drugs and supplements you are on and have been on, especially for the past 18-24 months?  It would be especially helpful to have the details of your drugs in a concise vertical list (no symptoms), only specific dates, include the day (as best you can say for example early March if you don't recall the day), drug names, and dosages of each medication decrease or increase.

 

Please read the link below for instructions.  This will allow us to give you the best guidance.  

 

How to List Your Drug History in Your Signature

 

Here is some important information about how these drugs actually work.  This explains why we get symptoms from going off of these medications, and why it's so important to taper slowly and carefully, and be very cautious about changing our doses: 

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

 

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is: 

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

 

Tapering is best done extremely slowly, and we generally taper by 10% of the current dose no more than once every 4 weeks, so that the reduction becomes exponentially smaller.  However, please give yourself a nice, long break from tapering.  This info is for future reference.  

 

 Why Taper by 10% of my Dosage  

 

Tips for Tapering Trintellix

 

Here is a link with checklists of common WD symptoms: 

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen Withdrawal Symptom Checklists

 

 

Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms: 

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

 

Stability is really important when we are tapering off psych meds.  Please read the link about stability:

 

Keep It Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but 2 that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. It is suggested to add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

Especially since you went off 2 psych drugs cold turkey 7 weeks ago, I reiterate that if it were me, I would not do any more tapering or drug changes for a very long time.  The nervous system is incredibly complex, and it takes a long time for it to adjust to the reductions we make when we taper or go off drugs.  When we see more details about your drug history, as requested above, we may be able to give you additional suggestions.  

 

On 11/10/2022 at 9:28 PM, angela9985 said:

just want these poison to get out of body ASAP

It's very important to avoid going off drugs cold turkey, or by tapering too fast.  This link will explain more about that:  

 

Cold Turkey and Too Fast Taper

Edited November 18, 2022 by getofflex

[concerned]

Hello Angela  —  I am sorry that you've been having a difficult time. Things will improve! Though it may feel like you've done "permanent damage," you haven't. Our brains are incredibly plastic, constantly weathering insult and injury. It will be important to take good care of yourself in the coming months. Get ample rest, nourish yourself with healthy food, introduce gentle exercise when you feel well enough, and do your best to avoid stressful situations. Your brain is undergoing significant repairs, requiring the utmost care and stability. 

 

Many posts on this forum have been made in despair and desperation. Find fellowship in those, knowing that others have gone before you—but seek out stories of recovery, they exist. Following an acute withdrawal or adverse drug reaction, it is easy to catastrophize with every sensation being amplified. This is a natural rite of passage, which we all have had to overcome. Please take time to read the links provided, particularly the one on non-drug coping mechanisms. Learning to self-regulate will expedite recovery and fortify you once this becomes a distant memory. 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

There are countless supplements discussed on this forum. Though you may be desperate for relief, you must exercise caution. Many supplements have been found to destabilize our nervous system further, intensifying symptoms and prolonging recovery. What may have helped us earlier in life (e.g., multivitamins, vitamin D) can hurt us during withdrawal. If you choose to begin taking a supplement, first try magnesium or quality fish oil, high in omegas (i.e., DHA, EPA). As suggested above, add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

 

As a final note, I appreciate how candid you are. I found it challenging to be honest with myself for a long time. Moving forward, it is important to stop blaming yourself for what happened. We cannot turn back the hands of time. Focus on what you can do now, knowing that even through the immense suffering, you will be better because of this experience. Use this time as a catalyst for good. You will recover and your life will be full again!

 

Hugs! 

[ChessieCat]

Success stories: Recovery from psychiatric drug withdrawal

[angela9985]

On 11/19/2022 at 12:56 AM, concerned said:

Hello Angela  —  I am sorry that you've been having a difficult time. Things will improve! Though it may feel like you've done "permanent damage," you haven't. Our brains are incredibly plastic, constantly weathering insult and injury. It will be important to take good care of yourself in the coming months. Get ample rest, nourish yourself with healthy food, introduce gentle exercise when you feel well enough, and do your best to avoid stressful situations. Your brain is undergoing significant repairs, requiring the utmost care and stability. 

 

Many posts on this forum have been made in despair and desperation. Find fellowship in those, knowing that others have gone before you—but seek out stories of recovery, they exist. Following an acute withdrawal or adverse drug reaction, it is easy to catastrophize with every sensation being amplified. This is a natural rite of passage, which we all have had to overcome. Please take time to read the links provided, particularly the one on non-drug coping mechanisms. Learning to self-regulate will expedite recovery and fortify you once this becomes a distant memory. 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

There are countless supplements discussed on this forum. Though you may be desperate for relief, you must exercise caution. Many supplements have been found to destabilize our nervous system further, intensifying symptoms and prolonging recovery. What may have helped us earlier in life (e.g., multivitamins, vitamin D) can hurt us during withdrawal. If you choose to begin taking a supplement, first try magnesium or quality fish oil, high in omegas (i.e., DHA, EPA). As suggested above, add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

 

As a final note, I appreciate how candid you are. I found it challenging to be honest with myself for a long time. Moving forward, it is important to stop blaming yourself for what happened. We cannot turn back the hands of time. Focus on what you can do now, knowing that even through the immense suffering, you will be better because of this experience. Use this time as a catalyst for good. You will recover and your life will be full again!

 

Hugs! 

Thank you so much Concerned! I am not replying for a long time because I am on the edge of death for the past two weeks. My doctor let me drop trintellix from 10mg to 5mg and I lost my sleep, having strong suicidal ideation, headache, anxiety... you name it. However I still manage to exercise whenever I can leave my bed. I walk 10,000 steps a day.

However I have a very concerning withdrawal symptom from CT rexulti 3mg: I feel kinda dizzy+derealization? I can walk that's fine, but when I watch TV it just feels wired... It feels like these images are not in front of me by the distance between TV and me. It's hard to describe, but could you get me? Is it a typical withdrawal symptom? This is very concerning because it has been 10 weeks and not improved since week 5. I was a movie/tv show lover but now I cannot enjoy them! I am scared, is there any success story that someone has the same symptom and recovered eventually? I have read some success stories but never see one with my symptom. Besides I CT... Will CT recover?

Anyway, thank you so much for replying me! I am so desperate and helpless. 

[angela9985]

On 11/19/2022 at 1:21 AM, ChessieCat said:

Success stories: Recovery from psychiatric drug withdrawal

Thank you so much! However I read some stories and become more desperate. Everyone seems to have done the taper correctly (I CTed rexulti 3mg by the guidance of my stupid family doctor before I know this place) One withdrawal symptom from CT rexulti is I feel kinda dizzy+derealization? I can walk that's fine, but when I watch TV it just feels wired... It feels like these images are not in front of me by the distance between TV and me. It's hard to describe, but could you get me? Is it a typical withdrawal symptom? This is very concerning because it has been 10 weeks and not improved since week 5. I was a movie/tv show lover but now I cannot enjoy them! I am scared, is there any success story that someone has the same symptom and recovered eventually? Do you know anyone has the same symptom and recovered? Thank you so much!!

[manymoretodays]

Hi angela9985,

Thanks for getting your signature done.  I am confused though, as you are saying you CT(cold turkeyed)  off Rexulti.

Are you still HOLDING with the 5 mg dose?

Hoping so.

I've gotten most of your posts approved with the exception of one you posted last Saturday.  The content basically was concerning.  Could be triggering for some.  We have so many members, and try to be family friendly, and not to increase any one members stress levels if possible. 

The post is here, saved.  Just not posted now.

 

How are you doing?

It can take awhile for the dysregulation that has set in, to settle down.  Please know that and that you will feel different and better again sometime soon.

 

Okay, and best.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

Edited November 29, 2022 by manymoretodays

[angela9985]

1 hour ago, manymoretodays said:

Hi angela9985,

Thanks for getting your signature done.  I am confused though, as you are saying you CT(cold turkeyed)  off Rexulti.

Are you still HOLDING with the 5 mg dose?

Hoping so.

I've gotten most of your posts approved with the exception of one you posted last Saturday.  The content basically was concerning.  Could be triggering for some.  We have so many members, and try to be family friendly, and not to increase any one members stress levels if possible. 

The post is here, saved.  Just not posted now.

 

How are you doing?

It can take awhile for the dysregulation that has set in, to settle down.  Please know that and that you will feel different and better again sometime soon.

 

Okay, and best.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

Hi MMT,

Thank you so much for replying and I am so sorry that I have posted something triggering(I don't remember though, could just be out of desperation).

Yea I CTed rexulti 3mg, which I have been on for a year, on Oct 2, 2022.

I am holding on 5mg trintellix. I did the drop from 10mg to 5mg on Nov 10-ish. 

Now I am experiencing severe WD, insomnia, anxiety, pounding heart, headache, flu-like symptoms... hellish.

I will keep the current dosage until stabilized. 

[concerned]

On 11/26/2022 at 8:49 PM, angela9985 said:

It feels like these images are not in front of me by the distance between TV and me. It's hard to describe, but could you get me? Is it a typical withdrawal symptom? This is very concerning because it has been 10 weeks and not improved since week 5. I was a movie/tv show lover but now I cannot enjoy them!

 

I completely understand where you are coming from. Early after my acute withdrawal, I found no interest in the things I once did, including television and movies. It felt like I was trapped deep in a dark tunnel, only able to observe life at a distance. Life continued to move around me, but I was unable to interact and engage. It took several months before this began to improve, so please be patient. I suggest watching things you already know, like your favorite movies or television series. This may be more relaxing, as it will put less pressure on you to keep up with the plot and details. Also, avoiding activating genres such as horror, thrillers, and action helped tremendously. 

 

On 11/26/2022 at 8:49 PM, angela9985 said:

I am scared, is there any success story that someone has the same symptom and recovered eventually? I have read some success stories but never see one with my symptom.

 

It may be helpful to avoid some of the content on this forum until you start feeling better. Many of the introduction posts can worsen anxiety and lead to emotional spiraling. You will get better, it's just going to take some time. 

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

[JanCarol]

Hey Angela - 

 

Not every success story did a normal taper.  I did - but - look at Shep.  Because she was trapped - much like you were - in a deep cocktail, she kind of started coming off willy nilly.  As she started settling down, she did taper the rest of her drugs - as you are planning to do.  She had some intense DP/DR.  And - she's fine now.  I've had states such as you describe - but they were in the decades before I understood that you can't just switch these drugs around quickly.

 

  It's harder the way you & she did it - but it also would have taken years to taper carefully and safely off of so many drugs.  Most people come to SA in distress, after mistakes have already been made.  It's kinda what we're here for.  There isn't "conventional wisdom" about these drugs, and certainly not from most medical professionals.  It breaks my heart how they drugged your drugs.

 

So you are in the right place.  Breathe.  Learn about how to take care of yourself (it's the most important skill you could possibly learn).  Focus on the Symptoms & Self Care section of the forum, learn about fish oil, magnesium (all these links are above, posted by ManyMoreTodays and getofflex).  

You may not realise it now, but what you are getting is a sort of twisted gift.  By reducing you down to your basics, you will find out what you really need, what you really want, and how you really want to live your life.  I call it "SA University" or "Withdrawal U."  Not saying that the coursework is easy (Uni was much easier!) but when you come out the other side, you are more wholly you than you have ever been before.

I hope you see the sun today!  (that's another thing you can do to heal:  sun-walks!)

[angela9985]

On 11/28/2022 at 10:31 PM, concerned said:

 

I completely understand where you are coming from. Early after my acute withdrawal, I found no interest in the things I once did, including television and movies. It felt like I was trapped deep in a dark tunnel, only able to observe life at a distance. Life continued to move around me, but I was unable to interact and engage. It took several months before this began to improve, so please be patient. I suggest watching things you already know, like your favorite movies or television series. This may be more relaxing, as it will put less pressure on you to keep up with the plot and details. Also, avoiding activating genres such as horror, thrillers, and action helped tremendously. 

 

 

It may be helpful to avoid some of the content on this forum until you start feeling better. Many of the introduction posts can worsen anxiety and lead to emotional spiraling. You will get better, it's just going to take some time. 

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

Thank you so much Concerned. It's actually not "found no interest", but more like dizziness in motions.... feel derealization when seeing a movie or tv. I also have severe rashes. They appear randomly, red, very itchy, and disappear after several hours. They come so randomly that I cannot predict where they will appear. I wake up multiple times a night because of the rash appears during my sleep and are too itchy. I took OTC anti-histamine but not useful. I am scared. Is this a common withdrawal symptom? 

I think I am super sensitive because over the course of 17 months I have tried so many psycho meds. My stupid family doctor decreased my trintellix from 20mg to 10 mg on Oct 2, then 10mg to 5mg on Nov 10, CTed rexulti 3mg on Oct2 as well... now I don't even know if I could be stable on 5mg. I read all the success stories and at the end I was more scared because there are just so few of them--I thought I would spend months reading but after a day's reading I reached the end! I am sorry I am so messed up even not making sense, but I am so scared... 

[angela9985]

On 11/29/2022 at 8:49 AM, JanCarol said:

Hey Angela - 

 

Not every success story did a normal taper.  I did - but - look at Shep.  Because she was trapped - much like you were - in a deep cocktail, she kind of started coming off willy nilly.  As she started settling down, she did taper the rest of her drugs - as you are planning to do.  She had some intense DP/DR.  And - she's fine now.  I've had states such as you describe - but they were in the decades before I understood that you can't just switch these drugs around quickly.

 

  It's harder the way you & she did it - but it also would have taken years to taper carefully and safely off of so many drugs.  Most people come to SA in distress, after mistakes have already been made.  It's kinda what we're here for.  There isn't "conventional wisdom" about these drugs, and certainly not from most medical professionals.  It breaks my heart how they drugged your drugs.

 

So you are in the right place.  Breathe.  Learn about how to take care of yourself (it's the most important skill you could possibly learn).  Focus on the Symptoms & Self Care section of the forum, learn about fish oil, magnesium (all these links are above, posted by ManyMoreTodays and getofflex).  

You may not realise it now, but what you are getting is a sort of twisted gift.  By reducing you down to your basics, you will find out what you really need, what you really want, and how you really want to live your life.  I call it "SA University" or "Withdrawal U."  Not saying that the coursework is easy (Uni was much easier!) but when you come out the other side, you are more wholly you than you have ever been before.

I hope you see the sun today!  (that's another thing you can do to heal:  sun-walks!)

Thank you so much JanCarol. My stupid family doctor CTed my rexulti 3mg and cut my trintellix from 20mg to 10 mg on Oct2, and then cut trintellix from 10 mg to 5 mg on Nov 10-ish. Now I am holding on the 5 mg and hope with despair that I will be stable on 5mg one day. I cannot stop think about the fact that I will never recover, as there are just so few success stories compared to introduction... I am scared. I am so scared. I am sorry.

Another question: I also have severe rashes. They appear randomly, red, very itchy, and disappear after several hours. They come so randomly that I cannot predict where they will appear. I wake up multiple times a night because of the rash appears during my sleep and are too itchy. I took OTC anti-histamine but not useful. I am scared. Is this a common withdrawal symptom? 

Thank you so much!!!!

[Kostas]

Hi  ,

I had similar rashes  ,but not so big and no itching, in my chest and back ,during my withdrawal from seropram. 

They were there all the time ,for about a year..

Gradually they fade away, and eventually gone ..

Have not reappeared since then ,5 years now..

[angela9985]

54 minutes ago, Kostas said:

Hi  ,

I had similar rashes  ,but not so big and no itching, in my chest and back ,during my withdrawal from seropram. 

They were there all the time ,for about a year..

Gradually they fade away, and eventually gone ..

Have not reappeared since then ,5 years now..

Thank you so much for replying! Unfortunately mine is itching and so itching that I cannot make a full sleep. 

I find us so similar, be given an AD after burn out. But it's just a burnout, god knows how my life would be like if I just take ssome time off at that time. 

How are you feeling now?

[JanCarol]

Hey Angela - I'm glad that Kostas replied - many people have had itching skin conditions upon withdrawal.  Some more persistent than others.  Most of the ones I've heard have been Effexor related - but Trintillix is not so different.  Neurotransmitters, like dopamine & serotonin & norepinephrine affect more than just your brain - they affect your endocrine, cardiovascular, hormonal, digestive - basically all your systems.  So that your skin is reacting is not at all unusual.

 

Here's how I wrote about it elsewhere; healing is like road works:
 

Quote

I really like Bubble's phrase:  "Brain is closed down for repairs."  I'd like to expand on that a bit - parts of your brain are closed down.  Imagine very complicated road works with about 25 intersections coming together.  This week, the traffic lights are shut down, and you need a cop to manage the intersection.  When that is repaired, well, maybe they need to re-do the shoulders, so they can divert traffic onto them for later when the lanes are being repaired.  Then there's the repairing of the lanes - it doesn't all happen at once.  Sometimes they need to rip up the old tarmac, change all the drainage routes, relocate the services for electricity and plumbing, get down to the foundation, and re-grade it, lay new gravel, then steel rebar, pouring concrete foundation, then laying the asphalt.  Sometimes you will go for 5 months, and the road is still closed, but you can't see what they are doing to it!  Each phase requires time to set and dry.  Then you can paint the lines on it, and go to another part of the intersection - perhaps one of the other incoming roads needs the same treatment.  Perhaps there are exit ramps and roundabouts and flyover lanes that need repair.  Each of which takes time.

 

Now imagine the millions of networks in your brain healing - they don't just, "heal" and be done.  It's a construction process, like Bubble was saying.  Road works for the brain. 

 

Just my way of saying, be patient with yourself.  It might be the tarmac this week - but the lines aren't on the road and you're disoriented.  Maybe the signals are crossed at the intersections, or the signs are removed or there are detours.  Be gentle with yourself, be patient with yourself.  It's a complex process, and the gentler you are, the more easily you will heal.  It does no good to shake your fist and yell at the construction guys while they are doing their work!  So just wave (lol, wave!) at the worker, declare to yourself, "This is yet another symptom of withdrawal," and drive carefully past the obstacle.

 

And - I would add - it's not just the brain - but the nervous system, the digestive system, your endocrine & hormonal systems, and even your cardiovascular system - all of these systems are trying to heal, and it's messy, uncomfortable.  Be kind to yourself.

 

In the USA there is a very useful topical cream called Benadryl.  It's not available here in Australia, for whatever reason - I have mine shipped to me from the USA, I find it too useful (and don't understand how Australians can live without it - they put tea tree oil or pawpaw extract on everything!).  It's an antihistamine, but it's topical (I don't recommend taking oral antihistamines for rash), so it can reduce your symptoms somewhat.  In withdrawal, taking antihistamines can go paradoxical, and it's not pretty.

As for reading success stories - I suggest you read everything about Shep (I posted her success story above, but you might find her journey story enlightening and enlivening, as well).  I choose her because of the mixed way she came off of the drugs - similar to what your doctor did to you.  She had times where she would be in the city, and the DP/DR would kick in and the buildings would tilt and swerve & sway, and she had to somehow find her way home through that.

You may also wish to read more about DP/DR.  Again, it's a normal (albeit weird) symptom, it doesn't mean you are going crazy, it just means that your brain has had enough, and it's checking out for awhile.   Derealization and Depersonalization

 

I hope you see the sun today!

[Kostas]

Good morning Angela from sunny Athens..

 

Fortunately I am fine now ,after 2 difficult years ( mid 16- mid '18 ) with wd symptoms, appearing 4 years after being off seropram!

 

 However I can say that I am glad taking the drug initially,since I was completely non functional after the burn out ,having a dramatic come back to almost normal ,within 3 months..

 

Having great difficulty in coming off it ,but managed it  in the end ..

Maybe one of the lucky ones ..?

 

Any way, I think that in the end, for the majority of us, there is light in the end of the tunnel and will happen to you as well..

 

Be well and 

Happy holidays 

Kostas 

[getofflex]

19 hours ago, angela9985 said:

I also have severe rashes. They appear randomly, red, very itchy, and disappear after several hours.

I have eczema, and I found a natural cream for itchy inflamed skin which really helps.  I apply it twice a day, and in a few days my skin calms down and stops itching.  Here is the link to it on amazon:  

 

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B074RDF9WN?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details

 

19 hours ago, angela9985 said:

now I don't even know if I could be stable on 5mg.

I believe you can get stable on 5 mg, but it will probably take time.  Please give this a lot of time, as in months.  I've seen other members with very destabilized nervous systems go on long hold, as in 6 - 12 month holds, and they become stable. You just need plenty of time, and patience.  

[angela9985]

10 hours ago, getofflex said:

I have eczema, and I found a natural cream for itchy inflamed skin which really helps.  I apply it twice a day, and in a few days my skin calms down and stops itching.  Here is the link to it on amazon:  

 

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B074RDF9WN?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details

 

I believe you can get stable on 5 mg, but it will probably take time.  Please give this a lot of time, as in months.  I've seen other members with very destabilized nervous systems go on long hold, as in 6 - 12 month holds, and they become stable. You just need plenty of time, and patience.  

I am reading CT cases and I am so scared... Seems CT never recover, or recover very slowly, in years. I basically CTed an antipsychotics and 3/4 antidepressant... My anxiety/insomnia/rash are bad, but the worst is derealization. I had a headache for an entire week on the second week after CT, and after that my head hasn't been clear. I should have tapered, I am so regretful. There is no way I reinstate now.

[angela9985]

15 hours ago, Kostas said:

Good morning Angela from sunny Athens..

 

Fortunately I am fine now ,after 2 difficult years ( mid 16- mid '18 ) with wd symptoms, appearing 4 years after being off seropram!

 

 However I can say that I am glad taking the drug initially,since I was completely non functional after the burn out ,having a dramatic come back to almost normal ,within 3 months..

 

Having great difficulty in coming off it ,but managed it  in the end ..

Maybe one of the lucky ones ..?

 

Any way, I think that in the end, for the majority of us, there is light in the end of the tunnel and will happen to you as well..

 

Be well and 

Happy holidays 

Kostas 

did you have derealization?

[angela9985]

19 hours ago, JanCarol said:

Hey Angela - I'm glad that Kostas replied - many people have had itching skin conditions upon withdrawal.  Some more persistent than others.  Most of the ones I've heard have been Effexor related - but Trintillix is not so different.  Neurotransmitters, like dopamine & serotonin & norepinephrine affect more than just your brain - they affect your endocrine, cardiovascular, hormonal, digestive - basically all your systems.  So that your skin is reacting is not at all unusual.

 

Here's how I wrote about it elsewhere; healing is like road works:
 

 

And - I would add - it's not just the brain - but the nervous system, the digestive system, your endocrine & hormonal systems, and even your cardiovascular system - all of these systems are trying to heal, and it's messy, uncomfortable.  Be kind to yourself.

 

In the USA there is a very useful topical cream called Benadryl.  It's not available here in Australia, for whatever reason - I have mine shipped to me from the USA, I find it too useful (and don't understand how Australians can live without it - they put tea tree oil or pawpaw extract on everything!).  It's an antihistamine, but it's topical (I don't recommend taking oral antihistamines for rash), so it can reduce your symptoms somewhat.  In withdrawal, taking antihistamines can go paradoxical, and it's not pretty.

As for reading success stories - I suggest you read everything about Shep (I posted her success story above, but you might find her journey story enlightening and enlivening, as well).  I choose her because of the mixed way she came off of the drugs - similar to what your doctor did to you.  She had times where she would be in the city, and the DP/DR would kick in and the buildings would tilt and swerve & sway, and she had to somehow find her way home through that.

You may also wish to read more about DP/DR.  Again, it's a normal (albeit weird) symptom, it doesn't mean you are going crazy, it just means that your brain has had enough, and it's checking out for awhile.   Derealization and Depersonalization

 

I hope you see the sun today!

I cannot open the DP/DR link. Actually DP is the most scary symptom I have since I CTed rexulti on Oct. 2. I had a week of bad headache and then the world never feel the same to me. How long would this last? What is the average time you have seen for DR to last? This is ruining my life.

[peaceandlove]

I too am blessed of all places to have a rash ON MY FACE, my cheeks that goes away & then keeps coming back 

[manymoretodays]

2 hours ago, angela9985 said:

I cannot open the DP/DR link

 

Try this one:  Derealization or Depersonalization(DR and DP)

(sometimes they(links) get rerouted)

[JanCarol]

Oh sorry - it's been years since I was an active mod, some of my links in my notebook are old.

 

Here is the updated link:  Derealization and Depersonalization

 

Getofflex's product is similar to what is frequently used here in Australia.  What I recommended - benadryl cream - will "dry things up," while the Manuka product that Getofflex recommended will be more soothing, nourishing, healing.  You might use a combination.  Benadryl will stop the itch - but the manuka & oatmeal thing will be very soothing (but might still itch through it!)

 

2 hours ago, angela9985 said:

What is the average time you have seen for DR to last?

 

This depends on so many things - I can't say 3 months, 3 years, or any time frame.  It's individual.  Again, read Shep's threads, her DP/DR lasted for a long time, but she found ways of dealing with it.  Playing musical instruments helped, riding bike helped, but what really brought her into focus was taking online drawing lessons.

It depends on your attitude towards it.  If you fight it, it will persist.  If you let go and let God, you will heal somewhat faster (counter intuitive, I know - but you can challenge it without fighting it).  It depends on what non-drug healing practices you choose, and how loyal you are to them.  There are a number of tools.

 

For example, you can challenge your DP/DR.  Take a shower.  Turn it as hot as you can stand, then turn it as cold as you can stand.  Turn it back hot / cold / hot / cold.  Challenge your senses - you can do similar things with taste - salt / sweet / savoury.  Smells - roses vs. garlic.  Looking at colours (not on a screen) or art books to shift your visual perception.

 

Try spinning like a Sufi - it's disorienting at first, just start with 3 turns counter clockwise, then 3 turns clockwise.  You can use affirmations with this - as you turn counter clockwise "I am releasing my symptoms," and clockwise, "I am building health."  I got built up to 30 spins each way at one point (I can still pretty easily do a dozen each way).  It's also a good workout for the pineal gland, which I suspect may be related to DP/DR (it is light sensitive, even though it has no external inputs!).

 

Many people here have gotten help from using Wim Hof's breathing techniques and cold showers (yes, COLD, never warm!).  I've gotten good results with the breathing (but can't seem to face the cold showers).  You can find him everywhere on YouTube.

Walking, looking at the horizon helps.  When you see the horizon, you take in that which is greater than yourself.  It's a natural antidepressant, as is sunlight.  I use the sun and the horizon in my daily 5-10 minute walks (sometimes nearly crawling, like today, I have a broken toe!).  Forest bathing is most healing.  Many people here have gotten benefit from forest bathing.  (I have a jungle for a backyard, so I soak in Nature quite regularly)

 

Mag baths are very soothing for anxiety and pain.  Epsom Salts - Another Way to Relax with Magnesium  

 

But your toolkit may not look like mine. 

 

What is vitally important is that you stop reacting, and start choosing things which benefit you.  If a mag bath is a 5% improvement - that's still an improvement.  If watching children's cartoons is disorienting, then don't do it!  Look in your life at "what helps," and "what makes it worse," and choose things which are in a healing, helpful direction.  This is the basis of ACT - Acceptance & Commitment Therapy - move towards what you want, do not react to what you don't want (reacting drives it in deeper).  Focus on what you want; choose in that direction.

Another way to look at it is what I call "hedonic rehabilitation."  For awhile, choose only what feels good in the long run.  For example, a glass of alcohol might feel good - but not in the long run.  But a 5 minute breathing practice will always feel good.  Here's what I've written about it elsewhere:

 

Quote

There are many things you can do to soothe your system beside tweaking supplements (which, I've found, never really address emotional or nervous concerns.  Really.).

 

Breathing.  Meditating.  Dancing.  Singing.  Colouring (or other artistic endeavors).  Cooking.  Gardening.  Serving - volunteer work, serving others, makes you appreciate what you do have.  I'm glad you've got your stretch class - do you ever go out for coffee or tea with your classmates?  That might be a challenge to consider.  Because relationships - community - are also vital to your well-being.

 

It's gonna be awhile, so you need to focus on what you can do NOW.  Hedonic rehabilitation.  What does give you pleasure?  Follow that.  These are the glimpses of light, of who you can be, that you can aspire to.  There are TONS of pages on site about non-drug self-care.  I strongly recommend these:

Breathing for Well Being

Change the Channel

http://www.brainline.org/content/2008/07/how-clean-stinking-thinking-and-cope-better.html

Dealing with Emotional Spirals

Brain Chemicals and Walking

Mindfulness and Acceptance

Meditation While Moving

 

 

and 

Quote

In tai chi we have a "70% rule."  When doing anything, do 70% of your capacity.  Then you will always improve (you wouldn't at 50%, for example) - and you will never get hurt.

 

Another good rule in recovery is to follow the good feelings.

"Oh that felt good" - like a hot magnesium bath, or a good exercise session, or a walk in the sun, or splashing paint on a page, something that - feels better.  This is a signal in the right direction.

It's called "hedonic rehabilitation," and if it feels good to stroke a fleece or roll on the floor, or dance, it's helping to heal your body, your autonomic nervous system.  

This helps a lot with diet, too.  Start to notice if foods help you - I had a great kelp, edamame, cabbage & sunflower salad from the deli tonight.  Sounds awful, but balsamic, it was fantastic, and I could feel it nourishing.  

Hedonic rehabilitation is not 'do whatever I want' like drinking binge, or sleep deprivation, or lots of chocolate cake - or overexercising -  because - with hedonic rehabilitation, you've got to look at the long term, too.  That workout was awesome, but I had to stay in bed for 3 days after.   And we have to learn about that.  What helps, what doesn't; it's an experiment of N=1 because what works for me is different to what works for you.

 

I also found this link which might help you understand how your brain reacts to the drugs, and how it heals:

 

I see that ManyMoreTodays has also posted the correct link - sorry for the confusion - it could happen again, as this is a HUGE site and things shift all the time.  Anytime you find a link that doesn't work - do a search for the topic, and you will find it.

 

I hope you see the sun today!

 

Edited December 2, 2022 by JanCarol

[JanCarol]

Found another useful link (4 minutes):

 

 

 

[Kostas]

Hi Angela, 

No derealisation in wd...

[angela9985]

On 12/2/2022 at 4:47 AM, Kostas said:

Hi Angela, 

No derealisation in wd...

Actually I think what I am experiencing is not DR. I guess maybe dizziness? Or some problem with vision? Things are looking wired, and my vision is hard to focus, especially when I look at the leaves on the ground(beautiful maple leaves carpet in here Canada), it makes me a little dizzy. And my brain feels like being wrapped in a plastic bag. I can still do math and memorize things, no problem, just feels wired. It is more like after a burning headache, the fire is gone, but the surface is still hot and smoky.

At the beginning of my story I said I was burned out, and it was really terrible. I was not able to get out of the bed, cannot express a full sentence, and was doing my work in bed on my laptop while crying the whole day. I guess it was very clinical depression. And I thought I need AD, and it did give me extra energy at the beginning. But turned out to be I just pay for it later... I regret taking AD, tbh, I know if I had a month off at that time I will recover. However, workaholic, you know  Now I am completely off on an indefinite leave and have accepted that my life have forever changed. Even if I recover, I will never be able to be the ambitious workaholic again. Have to redesign my career path. Of course it is only based on the presumption of recovery. 

[angela9985]

On 12/1/2022 at 11:51 PM, JanCarol said:

Oh sorry - it's been years since I was an active mod, some of my links in my notebook are old.

 

Here is the updated link:  Derealization and Depersonalization

 

Getofflex's product is similar to what is frequently used here in Australia.  What I recommended - benadryl cream - will "dry things up," while the Manuka product that Getofflex recommended will be more soothing, nourishing, healing.  You might use a combination.  Benadryl will stop the itch - but the manuka & oatmeal thing will be very soothing (but might still itch through it!)

 

 

This depends on so many things - I can't say 3 months, 3 years, or any time frame.  It's individual.  Again, read Shep's threads, her DP/DR lasted for a long time, but she found ways of dealing with it.  Playing musical instruments helped, riding bike helped, but what really brought her into focus was taking online drawing lessons.

It depends on your attitude towards it.  If you fight it, it will persist.  If you let go and let God, you will heal somewhat faster (counter intuitive, I know - but you can challenge it without fighting it).  It depends on what non-drug healing practices you choose, and how loyal you are to them.  There are a number of tools.

 

For example, you can challenge your DP/DR.  Take a shower.  Turn it as hot as you can stand, then turn it as cold as you can stand.  Turn it back hot / cold / hot / cold.  Challenge your senses - you can do similar things with taste - salt / sweet / savoury.  Smells - roses vs. garlic.  Looking at colours (not on a screen) or art books to shift your visual perception.

 

Try spinning like a Sufi - it's disorienting at first, just start with 3 turns counter clockwise, then 3 turns clockwise.  You can use affirmations with this - as you turn counter clockwise "I am releasing my symptoms," and clockwise, "I am building health."  I got built up to 30 spins each way at one point (I can still pretty easily do a dozen each way).  It's also a good workout for the pineal gland, which I suspect may be related to DP/DR (it is light sensitive, even though it has no external inputs!).

 

Many people here have gotten help from using Wim Hof's breathing techniques and cold showers (yes, COLD, never warm!).  I've gotten good results with the breathing (but can't seem to face the cold showers).  You can find him everywhere on YouTube.

Walking, looking at the horizon helps.  When you see the horizon, you take in that which is greater than yourself.  It's a natural antidepressant, as is sunlight.  I use the sun and the horizon in my daily 5-10 minute walks (sometimes nearly crawling, like today, I have a broken toe!).  Forest bathing is most healing.  Many people here have gotten benefit from forest bathing.  (I have a jungle for a backyard, so I soak in Nature quite regularly)

 

Mag baths are very soothing for anxiety and pain.  Epsom Salts - Another Way to Relax with Magnesium  

 

But your toolkit may not look like mine. 

 

What is vitally important is that you stop reacting, and start choosing things which benefit you.  If a mag bath is a 5% improvement - that's still an improvement.  If watching children's cartoons is disorienting, then don't do it!  Look in your life at "what helps," and "what makes it worse," and choose things which are in a healing, helpful direction.  This is the basis of ACT - Acceptance & Commitment Therapy - move towards what you want, do not react to what you don't want (reacting drives it in deeper).  Focus on what you want; choose in that direction.

Another way to look at it is what I call "hedonic rehabilitation."  For awhile, choose only what feels good in the long run.  For example, a glass of alcohol might feel good - but not in the long run.  But a 5 minute breathing practice will always feel good.  Here's what I've written about it elsewhere:

 

 

and 

 

I also found this link which might help you understand how your brain reacts to the drugs, and how it heals:

 

I see that ManyMoreTodays has also posted the correct link - sorry for the confusion - it could happen again, as this is a HUGE site and things shift all the time.  Anytime you find a link that doesn't work - do a search for the topic, and you will find it.

 

I hope you see the sun today!

 

Thank you so much JanCarol! Actually I think what I am experiencing is not DR. I guess maybe dizziness? Or some problem with vision? Things are looking wired, and my vision is hard to focus, especially when I look at the leaves on the ground(beautiful maple leaves carpet in here Canada), it makes me a little dizzy. And my brain feels like being wrapped in a plastic bag. I can still do math and memorize things, no problem, just feels wired. It is more like after a burning headache, the fire is gone, but the surface is still hot and smoky. I am sorry I am always bad at explaining my physical sensation. 

[angela9985]

On 12/1/2022 at 9:33 PM, peaceandlove said:

I too am blessed of all places to have a rash ON MY FACE, my cheeks that goes away & then keeps coming back 

Hello Peaceandlove! Thank you for visiting my topic, and so sorry that you are suffering something similar. I have rashes all over the body, coming and going, waking me up three times a night by itching... I am already taking OTC anti-histamine(non-drowsy, drowsy ones make my second day miserable) everyday and they still come strong. 

[JanCarol]

Hey Angela - 

 

Describing those symptoms is hard!  These are symptoms which aren't "commonly known" to doctors (they just call them "mental illness").

 

Your symptoms are normal - and the DP/DR suggestions I made will help with a number of symptoms.  Here is a partial list of the wide array of common symptoms:  Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's Most Common symptoms of Withdrawal

 

The hedonic rehabilitation definitely applies to all withdrawal.  What makes you worse?  (bright lights, loud sounds?)  What makes you better?  (dark rooms, no devices, quiet, soothing music?) 

 

Your healing is yours, own it.  It will take time, and the most important thing is to be kind to yourself.  If you feel dizzy, don't smack yourself for it!  Imagine that your body is a little baby animal - reactive, frightened, chaotic, with no words to describe how it feels!  I'm no wildlife expert, but I know enough to know that moving in the direction of calming is essential for taking care of a baby animal.  Learning to communicate with it, also essential.

Here's a baby bunny  for you to say, "Awwwwww!" and imagine that it is your body, and you are caring for it:

 

Body is still trying to figure things out.  Be kind to yourself!

 

And I hope you see the sun today!  (I miss the autumn leaves of the Northern Hemisphere!)

 

JC

[angela9985]

Should I reinstate venlafaxine? When I was on lexapro 3 month I also constantly have foggy feeling, and it went away when I reinstate venlafaxine in September. However this time venlafaxine gave me bad side effect, it raised my heart rate too much. I am very sacred that maintaining 5mg trintellix will stabilize me on this foggy and headache state. Please help.

[angela9985]

On 12/3/2022 at 9:14 PM, JanCarol said:

Hey Angela - 

 

Describing those symptoms is hard!  These are symptoms which aren't "commonly known" to doctors (they just call them "mental illness").

 

Your symptoms are normal - and the DP/DR suggestions I made will help with a number of symptoms.  Here is a partial list of the wide array of common symptoms:  Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's Most Common symptoms of Withdrawal

 

The hedonic rehabilitation definitely applies to all withdrawal.  What makes you worse?  (bright lights, loud sounds?)  What makes you better?  (dark rooms, no devices, quiet, soothing music?) 

 

Your healing is yours, own it.  It will take time, and the most important thing is to be kind to yourself.  If you feel dizzy, don't smack yourself for it!  Imagine that your body is a little baby animal - reactive, frightened, chaotic, with no words to describe how it feels!  I'm no wildlife expert, but I know enough to know that moving in the direction of calming is essential for taking care of a baby animal.  Learning to communicate with it, also essential.

Here's a baby bunny  for you to say, "Awwwwww!" and imagine that it is your body, and you are caring for it:

 

Body is still trying to figure things out.  Be kind to yourself!

 

And I hope you see the sun today!  (I miss the autumn leaves of the Northern Hemisphere!)

 

JC

Hi JC,

sorry for bothering you but I am really in trouble rn. I have been on 5mg for almost a month, the acute symptoms (insomnia, panic, pounding and racing heart) are almost gone (they still come back on some days), but derealization is still 7/24 and migraine 7/24. I learned from other ppl's post that these two symptoms can last for years. Should I wait until they both go away? And right now I am very desperate, derealization and migraine are making me unfunctional for three months. To be honest I don't care going back to any meds right now to just become functional again, as I can always do a proper taper later(am I right?) What is your advice? Are there any other cases go back to drugs to feel functional again? Thank you so much!

[angela9985]

On 12/1/2022 at 11:43 PM, manymoretodays said:

 

Try this one:  Derealization or Depersonalization(DR and DP)

(sometimes they(links) get rerouted)

sorry for bothering you but I am really in trouble right now. I have been on 5mg for almost a month, the acute symptoms (insomnia, panic, pounding and racing heart) are almost gone (they still come back on some days), but derealization is still 7/24 and migraine 7/24. I learned from other ppl's post that these two symptoms can last for years. Should I wait until they both go away? And right now I am very desperate, derealization and migraine are making me unfunctional for three months. To be honest I don't care going back to any meds right now to just become functional again, as I can always do a proper taper later(am I right?) What is your advice? Are there any other cases go back to drugs to feel functional again? Thank you so much!

[angela9985]

On 12/1/2022 at 10:18 AM, getofflex said:

I have eczema, and I found a natural cream for itchy inflamed skin which really helps.  I apply it twice a day, and in a few days my skin calms down and stops itching.  Here is the link to it on amazon:  

 

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B074RDF9WN?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details

 

I believe you can get stable on 5 mg, but it will probably take time.  Please give this a lot of time, as in months.  I've seen other members with very destabilized nervous systems go on long hold, as in 6 - 12 month holds, and they become stable. You just need plenty of time, and patience.  

sorry for bothering you but I am really in trouble rn. I have been on 5mg for almost a month, the acute symptoms (insomnia, panic, pounding and racing heart) are almost gone (they still come back on some days), but derealization is still 7/24 and migraine 7/24. I learned from other ppl's post that these two symptoms can last for years. Should I wait until they both go away? And right now I am very desperate, derealization and migraine are making me unfunctional for three months. To be honest I don't care going back to any meds right now to just become functional again, as I can always do a proper taper later(am I right?) What is your advice? Are there any other cases go back to drugs to feel functional again? Thank you so much!

[angela9985]

On 11/19/2022 at 12:56 AM, concerned said:

Hello Angela  —  I am sorry that you've been having a difficult time. Things will improve! Though it may feel like you've done "permanent damage," you haven't. Our brains are incredibly plastic, constantly weathering insult and injury. It will be important to take good care of yourself in the coming months. Get ample rest, nourish yourself with healthy food, introduce gentle exercise when you feel well enough, and do your best to avoid stressful situations. Your brain is undergoing significant repairs, requiring the utmost care and stability. 

 

Many posts on this forum have been made in despair and desperation. Find fellowship in those, knowing that others have gone before you—but seek out stories of recovery, they exist. Following an acute withdrawal or adverse drug reaction, it is easy to catastrophize with every sensation being amplified. This is a natural rite of passage, which we all have had to overcome. Please take time to read the links provided, particularly the one on non-drug coping mechanisms. Learning to self-regulate will expedite recovery and fortify you once this becomes a distant memory. 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

There are countless supplements discussed on this forum. Though you may be desperate for relief, you must exercise caution. Many supplements have been found to destabilize our nervous system further, intensifying symptoms and prolonging recovery. What may have helped us earlier in life (e.g., multivitamins, vitamin D) can hurt us during withdrawal. If you choose to begin taking a supplement, first try magnesium or quality fish oil, high in omegas (i.e., DHA, EPA). As suggested above, add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

 

As a final note, I appreciate how candid you are. I found it challenging to be honest with myself for a long time. Moving forward, it is important to stop blaming yourself for what happened. We cannot turn back the hands of time. Focus on what you can do now, knowing that even through the immense suffering, you will be better because of this experience. Use this time as a catalyst for good. You will recover and your life will be full again!

 

Hugs! 

sorry for bothering you but I am really in trouble rn. I have been on 5mg for almost a month, the acute symptoms (insomnia, panic, pounding and racing heart) are almost gone (they still come back on some days), but derealization is still 7/24 and migraine 7/24. I learned from other ppl's post that these two symptoms can last for years. Should I wait until they both go away? And right now I am very desperate, derealization and migraine are making me unfunctional for three months. To be honest I don't care going back to any meds right now to just become functional again, as I can always do a proper taper later(am I right?) What is your advice? Are there any other cases go back to drugs to feel functional again? Thank you so much!

[JanCarol]

Hey Angela - 

 

You have cut too fast, and your last cut was 50% (just last month!), so an updose would not be a bad idea.  No more than 7.5 mg dose.  Do not go all the way back up to 10, especially not if you want to continue tapering.  Why Taper by 10%?

 

But you need to be aware, that this will take time.  The faster you cut, the longer it will take to heal, and the more rocky the road will be.  The purpose of tapering is to sneak out from under the drugs without your body noticing.  You've had so many abrupt changes, that you will do well to hold for a long time.  Possibly 6 months or longer.  Hold until you are stable.

Some people have come here and realised that coming off entirely is not for them.  Some people shift their goal to be on lowest dose possible.  Some people leave SA and go back on the antidepressants (I know one personally - she was unwilling to slow down her high-powered life, to downshift & do it without the antidepressants - I have had to reduce my own productivity quite a bit in order to survive antidepressants!) .  The purpose of this forum is to help you come off (or reduce) safely.  What has been done to you is not safe, and I'm wondering if you are keeping the prescriber that did this to you - or if you have switched prescribers in order to taper.

 

It's your life, and your choice - but I'm not confident that a reinstatement will "fix" what has been done to you.  It might help, it might be a step in the direction of soothing your poor chaotic neurotransmitters - but it's not going to fix CT's, cold switches, and too-fast tapers (all of which you have had).  It's been less than 6 months since you were on Lexapro, venlafaxine (that looks like a cold switch in August, and another cold switch to Trintellix in September!).  And you may not feel a difference with an updose.  Additionally, you are destabilised - a reinstatement may go paradoxical on you (but you'll likely know within 48 hours of updose whether it will hurt you or not).  It's a roll of the dice, which includes your recent drug-change history, your personal coping strategies, your self care, your stress and stressors (and how well you manage them).  You are unlikely to settle in just a month. 

 

Focus now on what you need to settle.  It may not be just the drug - but also your self care.  Maybe a little updose will help, maybe not (because of all the other changes you've been through).   

 

Have you looked into Magnesium and Omega-3 fish oil ?  And Epsom Salts - Another Way to Relax with Magnesium ?

 

I'm sorry I cannot give a clear answer to say this will work or this will not work.  You are a scientific experiment of N=1.  What has worked for others may not work for you.  It's up to you to find what helps.  I can say that reinstatement has helped a number of people - but they don't have the same drug history as you.  I can also say that many people have found reinstatement to be more destabilising.  It's a roll of the dice (but can be supported by your own coping strategies and self-care practices).

 

I thought of you whilst on my sun-walk today.  Taking in sunlight, fresh air.  Using the tick-tock of walking to stimulate my left & right brain.  Seeing the horizon, smelling gardenias, planting my bare feet on a grassy lawn for some qigong.  That's my antidepressant, now.  And I need it more than food.  I wish I could find something for you which will help you like this.  But only you can find what helps you.  That's your job now, to find what helps.

 

So - I hope you see the sun today!

[angela9985]

4 hours ago, JanCarol said:

Hey Angela - 

 

You have cut too fast, and your last cut was 50% (just last month!), so an updose would not be a bad idea.  No more than 7.5 mg dose.  Do not go all the way back up to 10, especially not if you want to continue tapering.  Why Taper by 10%?

 

But you need to be aware, that this will take time.  The faster you cut, the longer it will take to heal, and the more rocky the road will be.  The purpose of tapering is to sneak out from under the drugs without your body noticing.  You've had so many abrupt changes, that you will do well to hold for a long time.  Possibly 6 months or longer.  Hold until you are stable.

Some people have come here and realised that coming off entirely is not for them.  Some people shift their goal to be on lowest dose possible.  Some people leave SA and go back on the antidepressants (I know one personally - she was unwilling to slow down her high-powered life, to downshift & do it without the antidepressants - I have had to reduce my own productivity quite a bit in order to survive antidepressants!) .  The purpose of this forum is to help you come off (or reduce) safely.  What has been done to you is not safe, and I'm wondering if you are keeping the prescriber that did this to you - or if you have switched prescribers in order to taper.

 

It's your life, and your choice - but I'm not confident that a reinstatement will "fix" what has been done to you.  It might help, it might be a step in the direction of soothing your poor chaotic neurotransmitters - but it's not going to fix CT's, cold switches, and too-fast tapers (all of which you have had).  It's been less than 6 months since you were on Lexapro, venlafaxine (that looks like a cold switch in August, and another cold switch to Trintellix in September!).  And you may not feel a difference with an updose.  Additionally, you are destabilised - a reinstatement may go paradoxical on you (but you'll likely know within 48 hours of updose whether it will hurt you or not).  It's a roll of the dice, which includes your recent drug-change history, your personal coping strategies, your self care, your stress and stressors (and how well you manage them).  You are unlikely to settle in just a month. 

 

Focus now on what you need to settle.  It may not be just the drug - but also your self care.  Maybe a little updose will help, maybe not (because of all the other changes you've been through).   

 

Have you looked into Magnesium and Omega-3 fish oil ?  And Epsom Salts - Another Way to Relax with Magnesium ?

 

I'm sorry I cannot give a clear answer to say this will work or this will not work.  You are a scientific experiment of N=1.  What has worked for others may not work for you.  It's up to you to find what helps.  I can say that reinstatement has helped a number of people - but they don't have the same drug history as you.  I can also say that many people have found reinstatement to be more destabilising.  It's a roll of the dice (but can be supported by your own coping strategies and self-care practices).

 

I thought of you whilst on my sun-walk today.  Taking in sunlight, fresh air.  Using the tick-tock of walking to stimulate my left & right brain.  Seeing the horizon, smelling gardenias, planting my bare feet on a grassy lawn for some qigong.  That's my antidepressant, now.  And I need it more than food.  I wish I could find something for you which will help you like this.  But only you can find what helps you.  That's your job now, to find what helps.

 

So - I hope you see the sun today!

Thank you so much JC! It is snowing today, so I don't see the sun. But snow is very beautiful.

I am not stable before tapering. I was on venlafaxine 225mg for a year, and it made me more anxious and worsened my sleep. Then I cross-tapered to lexapro 20mg for 3 months, very foggy and fatigued, like my energy ran out in the afternoon. Then I cross-tapered back to venlafaxine 150mg for a month(8/14 to 9/10), having a relatively normal life with normal level of energy, but my heart rate was raised too much. Then doctor let me try trintellix, we cross-tapered to trintellix 20mg, but I was very fatigued. I refused trying other meds as lexapro and trintellix have been the latest meds. Then my psych doc was like, ok let's get off all the meds to see if you are still fatigued. I guess she and I both thought once the drug is clear out of the body then my brain would return to the pre-med condition automatically. Both of us were terribly wrong.

The acute symptoms of my tapering has been improved. Pounding heart, sleep and even itching rash(not gone but better) are improved. I had my period back too. I guess I have passed the acute period and my body is off the alert mode. However, I have burning sensation the my brain 7/24 and derealization 7/24 (everything looks 2D) and fatigue. Half of the days I am OK-is, meaning I can get off the bed and type like this, but no more than these, watching a TV show is overwhelming; Half of the days I am miserable, burning headache, super depressed, panic, suicidal, cannot leave the bed. So even on Ok-ish days I am not functional, not mentioning the other half of the days.

I was a PhD student before all these sh*t happened. I used to use Python to make complex scientific graphs and thought they were easy tasks; now I tried to make a line graph using excel and it was so hard and drained all my energy. I was so tired that I felt like my body is floating. Not to mention the headache. I would think my current status as disabled. If this is the life I am doomed to have if I get off ADs(in this wrong way), I would rather go back on some ADs and consider a micro-tapering later.

On the other hand, I was very fatigued on trintellix 20mg so I don't think going back to trintellix is a good idea. What do you think?

Thank you so much!