Experiment1996 Posted January 1, 2023 Posted January 1, 2023 Age 26 Consumption from age 13 - 22. Month 37 currently and I still have PAWS (post acute withdrawal symptoms). Other name for PAWS is "protracted withdrawal". PAWS lasts between 1 - 4 years. I had PAWS reductions at month 4, 6, 18 and 32. Current symptoms: Social anxiety, brain fog, anhedonia, fatigue, low energy, low motivation, low libido, no morning wood, weak bladder and urine stream. No medication, no drugs, no alcohol, no porn, no masturbation, no sex, no conscious ejaculation, nothing. I was mostly unemployed and I'm not working right now. I have mostly received unemployment benefits and currently live off my savings. I don't do anything. I am mostly at home. I lie in my bed more than I sit or stand. I spend my day mostly watching movies and series. I try to distract myself as much as I can. I have no drive to work or study. I don't even have the motivation to shower or shave. I do it sometimes though, because I feel a little better afterwards. I don't feel sad but I don't feel happy either. My emotions are turned off. Everything bores me. Everything is the same. I don't feel any excitement or anticipation. If someone gave me 1 million swiss francs, I would feel nothing. There would be no excitement and motivation to do something with this money. If you don't feel emotions and nothing brings you joy, then you also have no motivation to do anything. -> These success stories keep me alive. They write: 39 months PAWS - Benzodiazepine 42 months PAWS 1 - Benzodiazepine 42 months PAWS 2 - Benzodiazepine 43 months PAWS - Benzodiazepine When I reach month 42, I will publish a new post with success stories that lasted up to 48 months. I have found many success stories between 1 - 3 years and only a few between 3 - 4 years on "benzobuddies". So I have to get out of PAWS this year. It seems that I am one of the worst cases. PAWS - Wikipedia 26, male.Consumption from age 13 - 22. Month 40 currently.Reductions in symptoms at month 4, 6, 18 and 32.Month 1 - 18 -> TERRORMonth 18 - 32 -> PAINFULMonth 32 - now -> UnpleasantCurrent symptoms: Social anxiety, brain fog, anhedonia, fatigue, low energy, low motivation, low libido, no morning wood, weak bladder and urine stream.
Moderator Emeritus Shep Posted January 3, 2023 Moderator Emeritus Posted January 3, 2023 Hi, @Experiment1996 Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants. Yes, unfortunately, this can go on for quite awhile. Have you seen any improvements since you came off your drugs? Are you currently taking any supplements? We don't recommend a lot of supplements, as many members report their nervous systems are simply too fragile to handle them. However, magnesium and fish oil tend to be calming to the nervous system and many people report they do help. Please only add in one supplement at a time and at a small dose. For more, please see: King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker What drugs were you on? Please set up a signature with your drug history. Your signature will show up beneath each post and will let us know your drug history at a glance. The first post in this thread explains what we need: How to Summarize Your Drug History in Your Signature Please continue to use this thread to document your recovery. You're very young and there's no reason to think you won't go onto heal and live a great life drug-free.
Experiment1996 Posted March 1, 2023 Author Posted March 1, 2023 I start today with month 39. 26, male.Consumption from age 13 - 22. Month 40 currently.Reductions in symptoms at month 4, 6, 18 and 32.Month 1 - 18 -> TERRORMonth 18 - 32 -> PAINFULMonth 32 - now -> UnpleasantCurrent symptoms: Social anxiety, brain fog, anhedonia, fatigue, low energy, low motivation, low libido, no morning wood, weak bladder and urine stream.
Moderator Emeritus Shep Posted March 1, 2023 Moderator Emeritus Posted March 1, 2023 @Experiment1996 It may help your engagement here to add a signature so other members will know your drug history. How to Summarize Your Drug History in Your Signature Just like you're looking for find others with your timeline and history, others here are interested in yours, too. You likely have a story that will help. Let us know if you're interested in ways to heal after coming off these drugs. If you're here simply to gather success stories, that's okay, too.
GGGG Posted March 4, 2023 Posted March 4, 2023 On 1/3/2023 at 2:57 PM, Shep said: Hi, @Experiment1996 Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants. Yes, unfortunately, this can go on for quite awhile. Have you seen any improvements since you came off your drugs? Are you currently taking any supplements? We don't recommend a lot of supplements, as many members report their nervous systems are simply too fragile to handle them. However, magnesium and fish oil tend to be calming to the nervous system and many people report they do help. Please only add in one supplement at a time and at a small dose. For more, please see: King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker What drugs were you on? Please set up a signature with your drug history. Your signature will show up beneath each post and will let us know your drug history at a glance. The first post in this thread explains what we need: How to Summarize Your Drug History in Your Signature Please continue to use this thread to document your recovery. You're very young and there's no reason to think you won't go onto heal and live a great life drug-free. My magnesium is called liquid calphonite #2. It has 160 mg of calcium, iron 3 mg, phosphorus 124 mg. Magnesium 20 mg, sodium. 5 mg Year 2010 to 2020 remeron, Buspar, atenelol, Ativan as needed (once a week) remeron stopped working (pooped out) oct 2020 started amitryptyline took it 3 months Dec started wellbutrin, Stopped it 3 months later Started Paxil again for 3 months took vibryd for 1 month, Stopped it in 5 days Started sam e 100mgs 3x a day, Tyrosine 1000mgs 3 x a dayfor 6 months August 2020 - Off all antidepressants 16 th of Feb, 2023 started taperingsam e the 100mg 2 x a day of sam e. I stopped taking the afternoon one. And started every other day then every r day.
Experiment1996 Posted April 3, 2023 Author Posted April 3, 2023 Hi guys. Check out my 36 months post for more background information. I really don't know how long my past will haunt me. I am really tired of it. I finally want to close this chapter for good. My addiction was beaten a long time ago. But I still have the negative consequences (PAWS) from my addiction. PAWS = Post acute withdrawal symptoms. I don't work and I didn't work most of the time during PAWS. I am still not part of this society, unfortunately. I am still excluded from society. I live on my savings. Years have passed and I am still a prisoner. It's like all the other people live in their world and I live in my world. As if I am in a parallel world. I get up in the morning and I don't feel any emotions. I don't feel happy and I don't feel sad. I feel no motivation, no drive and no energy to do anything productive. I don't feel any positive feelings or so-called vibrations in my body and in my brain. I get up and that's it. I am like a robot. I don't feel human. My facial expression is exactly the same most of the time. I look jaded, numb and bored. My brain is still numb. My senses are numb. My brain feels no stimuli. Everything feels exactly the same. I spend most of my time outside in the city. I watch people walking, eating, talking, laughing. I walk 1 hour per day. That's it. Only people who have been through this themselves can understand. Otherwise, no one really understands you. It's unnatural and a real suffering. Personally, I think my experience with PAWS so far is worse than the following: - Death of a loved one or death in the family or when all your relatives die at once. - Let's say you are rich and you have 100 million in your bank account. You lose all your money. - Being completely paralysed for 4 years and being in a wheelchair. - To have a severe fever for 4 years. - To be blind for 4 years - To be deaf for 4 years. - To be mute for 4 years. - To be homeless for 4 years. - To work 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, with no days off, for 4 years. I can only imagine that a very bad disease like MS or cancer or a severe chronic pain could be worse than my previous experience with PAWS. These success stories keep me alive. They write: 42 months PAWS 1 - Benzodiazepine 42 months PAWS 2 - Benzodiazepine 43 months PAWS 3- Benzodiazepine I will publish another post when I have 42 months behind me. Greetings 26, male.Consumption from age 13 - 22. Month 40 currently.Reductions in symptoms at month 4, 6, 18 and 32.Month 1 - 18 -> TERRORMonth 18 - 32 -> PAINFULMonth 32 - now -> UnpleasantCurrent symptoms: Social anxiety, brain fog, anhedonia, fatigue, low energy, low motivation, low libido, no morning wood, weak bladder and urine stream.
Moderator Emeritus Onmyway Posted April 10, 2023 Moderator Emeritus Posted April 10, 2023 @Experiment1996, I have moved your topic in the S&S forum to your intro topic as it is about you and belongs here. In the future, please post things relating to your story in your own thread. Please read the guidelines here: "Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. Aug 2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used) Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up) September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0 Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering) citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg, 7/27/19 -1.5 mg, 8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate
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