zoopenguin: Lifelong journey with Zoloft

January 27, 2023

I have been on and off Zoloft for over half of my entire life. I am 36 years old now and have taken Zoloft for a combined total of 18 years. I started taking Zoloft at age 9 when I developed uncontrollable OCD. It was absolutely necessary in order for me to regain function of my life. However, now I am wishing that my parents hadn't taken me to a psychiatrist and put me on medication. Maybe therapy as a child could have helped me? I don't know. But the medication allowed me to live again. I just kept taking it the medication every day until I was about 16. All those years, I went to my monthly psychiatrist appointments and never questioned not taking it. I eventually thought that I shouldn't take it anymore, so I just stopped. I had extreme dizziness for a few weeks but no other withdrawal symptoms. I still had some anxiety and OCD thoughts but I had everything under control for the most part, medication free, for years to come.

Fast forward to age 21, I had a health scare which led to me having panic attacks. I freaked out and couldn't deal with the panic attacks so I decided to get back on Zoloft. I went up in dose from 50mg to 100mg. My psychiatrist at the time wanted me to go up to 200mg, because he said that was the therapeutic dose for OCD, but I never increased it to that dose. I remained on 100mg until once again, I decided to quit cold turkey at age 25. I didn't think I had withdrawal at the time, but looking back, I was in a bit of a mental state a little while afterwards. I also think that I suffer from SAD, so it is hard to say. But I stopped taking my medication in the early summer and was fine all summer. Then when winter came, I was a bit depressed and emotional, but nothing that I couldn't handle. I did have spells of extreme nostalgia and sadness over the next two years, but it was bearable. I would just cry and then move on. I did have a few panic attacks over following years as well, but once again, nothing unbearable.

Fast forward to age 29, I was diagnosed with cancer and started having frequent panic attacks again. I decided that I need help and got back on Zoloft 100mg. Looking back, I guess this was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I should have just tried dealing with the anxiety and panic attacks instead. Maybe therapy could have helped me here too. Prior to this, I had never had a terrible time starting or stopping Zoloft, but this time was different. I started with 12.5mg dose to get started and by my 2nd dose, I was in a horrible state. I was experiencing extreme akathisia. I was in an extremely panicked state 24/7. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I was nauseous and felt like the inside of my body was vibrating. I had never felt anything like this before in my life. I was actually on vacation at the time and had to rent a car and drive 16 hours home because I needed the comfort of my own home. I was strongly debating checking myself into a mental hospital but my family/friends convinced me not to. I kept taking the medication because I read a lot of stuff online that said symptoms can get worse for a few weeks before getting better. This was true for me. I suffered and felt out of mind for 2 weeks and then stabilized. I think I remained on the Zoloft for the past 7 years because I was so scared of feeling the same way when getting off of the medication.

Now fast forward to getting off of Zoloft in 2022. I wanted to get off of it for a multitude of reasons. I discussed these reasons with my primary doctor and they supported my decision to get off of the medication. I wanted to taper off of it, in order to try and avoid the same symptoms that happened when I started the medication 7 years prior. They simply told me to cut the dose in half every 2 weeks for a total taper of 6 weeks. I decided to go a little slower than this because I was so anxious about those terrible symptoms returning. But my big mistake was that I didn't research enough and still tapered way too fast. I ended up tapering off from February-June 2022. I reduced my dose from 100mg-->75mg for 6 weeks, then 75-->50mg for 6 weeks, then 50-->25mg for 8 weeks, and then stopped. I didn't have any bad symptoms during my taper or immediately after I stopped. I did however, start having bad symptoms that started creeping up in September and then got really bad in October, so 3-4 months after stopping the medication. In September, I changed jobs and was stressed, and I started having some constant anxiety as well as panic attacks. By the first week of October, I was experiencing the akathisia again. I couldn't sleep and couldn't eat. The anxiety and nausea was so bad. I was constantly consumed by negative and depressive thoughts. I was considering checking myself into a mental hospital again but what would they do for me? Just pump me full of medications? That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid. So I couldn't go to them for help...

October was really bad. November was really bad. December, I started to see some bigger windows of slightly better days. January has been the same. I am definitely improving, because it was absolutely unbearable just 2-3 months ago. I am able to eat and sleep now. My horrible ruminating thoughts only creep up half of the time. Whereas 2 months ago, it was all I could think about. I still feel like my body is stuck in flight or flight mode. I am extremely sensitive and get overwhelmed by anything stressful. I feel very nervous and fragile. I am hoping to be out of this sooner rather than later.

January 28, 2023

Hi, @zoopenguin

Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants.

What you're describing sounds very much like classic withdrawal syndrome. The delays in symptoms after stopping are not uncommon. Here is some information that may help explain:

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

Healing from antidepressants. Patterns of recovery video (4 minutes)

22 hours ago, zoopenguin said:

October was really bad. November was really bad. December, I started to see some bigger windows of slightly better days. January has been the same. I am definitely improving, because it was absolutely unbearable just 2-3 months ago. I am able to eat and sleep now. My horrible ruminating thoughts only creep up half of the time. Whereas 2 months ago, it was all I could think about. I still feel like my body is stuck in flight or flight mode. I am extremely sensitive and get overwhelmed by anything stressful. I feel very nervous and fragile. I am hoping to be out of this sooner rather than later.

If you've only been off the drug since October, which is 3 months ago, you may want to reinstate a tiny amount. You're seeing improvements, which is great, but a tiny amount of Zoloft may help. Please see:

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

Tips for tapering off sertraline (Zoloft)

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

Is Zoloft the only drug you're currently taking? Please set up a signature. Here is how:

How to Summarize Your Drug History in Your Signature

After you set up your signature and we know more about your drug history, we'll be able to provide more targeted advice.