sambhav: Ignorant of SSRI withdrawls

[sambhav]

Dec 2019- May/June 2022 - 

I was feeling a little depressed during the Chicago winters. Someone recommended meeting a Physiatrist and I was advised to take 10mg Lexapro to boost my mood. To be honest, I had little knowledge on how SSRI works. I assume they boost your mood by producing serotonin in your brain. I had assumed people taking it during their lows in life. My doc mentioned that I may feel some side effects when I start the dose, but nothing was mentioned after discontinuation. I missed some months in 2020 but felt no side effects. My last dose must have been in May/June 2022 when I ran out of meds. I was doing well in my life, so I didn't go back for a refill.  I was clueless about SSRI withdrawals or Tapering process.  

 

 

Until June 2022, I was living my best life. Ran my fourth marathon, got a new job and moved to a new city. 

 

Sept 2022

Life was running smoothly for me until Sept 1st week when I had a panic attack at night, around 2 am. I got over it thinking it was a bad dream. But it occurred again the next week, and again next few nights. I was convinced there was something wrong with my body. I went to an ER, they checked my vitals and said something was alright. but it occurred again, I went to another ER the next day, and they gave me 0.5 mg Ativan, it helped me sleep and I was discharged the next morning. I was fine for the next 2 days, but another panic attack took me back there, I was in hospital for 9 nights, they did all the lab tests, MRI, EKG but nothing. They put me on 10mg Lexapro in the morning and 70mg Seroquel at night. I was discharged and required to consult a psychiatrist and GP. Also, they had noticed that the ammonia in my blood was much higher than the range, so I was advised to take a Thyroid test. 

 

October 2022

TSH levels came a little high but not extremely high. (For Thyroid). 

I met a psychiatrist and she had me continue Lexapro. However, she said Seroquel was not needed for me. So, I discontinued that. 

However, life after that continued to be miserable. I was sweating during the night, Felt very anxious in the morning, vivid dreams, etc. I requested her that I did not want to be on meds. She suggested a short taper. 10->5->2.5->0mg. I took my last dose on October 26th.

 

November 2022- thru now.

I assumed that the worst was over, but little did I know what was coming. I started having vivid dreams, irrational thoughts, restlessness, electric shocks in the morning around the same time. I took a break from living in the US and came to my home country in India. I met several doctors, Physiatrist, Hypnotherapists but nothing gave me any relief. GAD, OCD, Depression, Bad energy attack etc. are different opinions given by experts. It is relapse of depression and OCD is the recommendation from the last psychiatrist I have met.

 

This is when I found SA and things started to make sense. I am probably going through a late withdrawal. Some of the symptoms like sweating at night, brain zaps have left but I am going through anxiety, no motivation, but the worst being the past thoughts and fearful memories. For instance, any time I see a motorbike, a past memory of an accident resurfaces. I am scared of heights, Even looking at tall buildings gives me anxiety, there is a dozen such things that I am afraid of. I am not sure what this exactly is, whether it's anxiety disorder, phobia or OCD thoughts as the last psychiatrist I met mentioned. He advised me to start Fluvoxamine (Luvox in US) and CBT, but I am scared to take any meds after the horrific experience I have had.

 

I have read several success stories; However, I am afraid whether my negative thought pattern would change, or if I would feel like my old fearless self. I can do basic life functions, like eat, sleep but there is no motivation or charm left. For someone who was running 50-60 miles a week, I can barely run 2-3 miles now even though I am pushing myself hard to go to gym. I think about this misery every day and hour, and I can't seem to break the pattern. I am not looking for reassurance at this time, I don't have the courage to go back on any meds, but this for sure is the lowest point of my life. I wanted to document this.

 

I have read several CT success stories, but the story from Aeroman and mandance have struck the most to me Reddit - Dive into anything

 

  

HISTORY:

*Dec 2019-June 2022: 10mg Lexapro. CT

*Sept 2022: Reinstated 10 mg Lexapro at hospital

*Oct 2022: Fast Taper from 10-5->2.5->0mg Lexapro

[Gridley]

Welcome to SA, sambhav.

 

The symptoms you experienced in June, 2022, following your cold turkey of Lexapro and in November following your fast taper are typical withdrawal symptoms.

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

Brain Remodelling 

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

Reinstatement of a very small percentage of your last dose before you jumped to zero (in your case a small percentage of 2.5mg)  is the only known way to eliminate or reduce withdrawal symptoms.  The only choice is to wait it out at zero, but there is no way to know how long this will take.  Reinstatement works most predictably when started within 3 months of your last dose.  Since your last dose was October 26, you fall within this frame, but your previous cold turkey several months before complicates matters.  There's really no way to predict whether reinstatement will work for you.  Please read:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms. -- at least the first page of the topic

 

If you want to try reinstatement, I'd suggest a dose of 0.5mg (1/2mg)--no more.  The following link about tapering Lexapro explains how to get the low dose of Lexapro you'd need for reinstatement, either by weighing pill doses or making your own liquid.  A prescription liquid (available in the U.S.; I don't know about India) would be the best if available.

Tips for tapering off escitalopram (Lexapro)

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium (glycerinate is a good form) and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.

 

I know you love your running, but very often strenuous exercise makes withdrawal worse.  We recommend gentle walks in nature.

 

This is your introduction topic -- the place for you to answer my questions, ask your own questions, record symptoms, share your progress, and connect with other members of the SA community.  I hope you’ll find the information in the SA forums helpful for your situation.  I'm sorry that you are in the position that you need the information, but I am glad that you found us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 30, 2023 by Gridley

[sambhav]

Thanks for reply @Gridley

i imagine it’s hard to predict how long the healing would be. 
I am afraid of things that didn’t bother me at all before, it’s hard to switch off the brain. But I will be patient 

[Gridley]

4 hours ago, sambhav said:

 

i imagine it’s hard to predict how long the healing would be. 

Unfortunately, there's no way to predict how long healing will take.  But we all do heal.  Time is the great cure.