Medved Cant take it anymore

[Medved]

Hello,
I have been around this web site for a year. I spent hundreds of hours reading here and i learned a lot. So I am not a newbie and dont need introduction links and pages.
I decided that I will join this forum only as a last resort as everything I meant to ask has already been asked and I have found all the answers I needed. So I joined and I am starting my thread as I came to an end. 
I've always told myself that before I decide to end it, I will try drugs again because there is nothing I can loose.

I respect you ppl here a lot and think you have a ton of knowledge so you might help me in my decision of taking some drug. 
Let me give you a quick brief at my history.
So first time I took Zoloft was from 09' to 10' and I went off just fine with no consequences. I was perscribed Zoloft because I had 4-5 panic attacks in 2 months. The panic attacks were vrought on by school stress and mild weed consumation.
I lived happily and fullfilled until 19'. I had a rash then which was a result of allergy. My doc perscribed me with corticosteroid to aid that rash. Immediately after taking first pill I started to feel weird. Over the next few days I developed unnatural anxiety and restlesness. I told that to my doc but he told me to continue because rash was still there and once I quit the medication that those side effects will go away. So I took it for 5 weeks total and was relieved to come off. But what happened is that anxiety and restlesness didnt go away. So I waited for another 2 weeks to see if it will go away but it didnt. And depression started to creep in also. At that moment I was pro sports player,had beautifull girlfriend,had a puppy at home and was running my own business. So I got really scared that I will become disabled by all this as it was messing with my sleep and mood and productivity. So I went to psych and he told me that there is no way steroid caused that and that its probably depressive-anxiety disorder. He told me to go on Zoloft and I was ok with that as I have already taken it 10 years before without bad side effect.
So I started Zoloft at 50mg and it gave me a relief but I could still feel underlaying anxiety from time to time. But nothing debilitating or overwhelming. During that time I proposed to my girlfriend (now wife), travelled the world, finished college etc. So I was ok on Zoloft. But around November 2020 it started to poop out. 50mg were no lonfer working for me. I started to feel mentally exhausted, like the world became too much to me,I started to get irritable,easily agitated,anxious,lost my drive and optimism and totally lost the will to work. I met my psych in late January and he told me to get up to 100mg. I did that but I felt even more anxious and agitated. He told me to keep going through that. After a week or so I was in so bad shape that we both agreed to get back to 50mg. I found an instant relief. But it lasted only for about a week or so and I started to get anxious and depresses and all those sx again. Then he told me to drop at 25 because maybe its too much for me. I did that and that relieved me for another week but then all the symptoms came back. I then figured out he doesnt know anything about this meds and he is on trial/error system with me. I then quickly found another doctor which told me to go back to 50mg. I did that and felt relief within few days. But it only lasted for a few weeks before I found myself unwell again. New doc told me that i have to go to 100mg again but this time to hold it more then a week and that its normal to feel sx worsen the upping the dose. I did as he said. I was taking 100mg for 3 weeks but it was just getting worse every day. He then told me that Zoloft wasnt the right med for me and that I should get off it and try some other AD(dont temeber name). He told me to taper get immediately to 50mg and take that for a week, then cut to 25 and take that for 2 weeks and then jump off. I did as he said. But after that I rejected new AD he was offering as I had a feeling he also doesnt know nothing about this meds and I felt worn down from all of that. When all this finished it was late April/ beggining of May 2021.
SInce then things were just getting worse and worse. I developed a lot of new symptoms such as anhedonia,loss of libido,mental akathisia,DPDR,mental fatigue,OCD,ADD,no concentration,loss of memory,feeling of fear,doom,terror,intense neuro emotions of anger,Stress, background noise,cog fog,loss of sense of time,overanalysing,social anxiety,apathy,pessimism,food cravings,sleeping too much,hypochondria,no sense of self,loss of identity,sensory overload,sensitivity to screens etc. Never had any physical sx. I was suffering every day. But in the Feb of 2022 I had my first window. It then gave me hope. It was only a few days window but nice one. Next one came in June,then next one in July,then one in August,then September, then one in November. I was hopefull because of those windows. But waves were getting harder and darker. Each wave was more strong then the previous one. During 2022 some symptoms even improved such as DPDR, anhedonia etc.
BUT then on Christmas eve 2022 in the middle of the day I felt huge energy drop and vertigo while working in the garden. I am sports player and was exercising through whole WD. Went inside and went to sleep. Next day the hell began. I felt hugeee fatigue,i couldnt go up the stairs without getting wind up and sweatty. Muscle fasciculations began through my body randomly. Insomnia began. frequent urination began(20 times a day). Panic attacks,brutal darkest deepest depression,anhedonia,strong dpdr,BRUTAL mental akathisia, bloating,problems with regulationg body temp, dry mouth etc...
I am now in this state for over a month and it is GETTING WORSE every day. It seems like all these symptoms are getting stronger every day. I just cant make it anymore. I am laying on my bed disfunctional for over a month now and this kind of torment is not something i can live with. My wife and I are also about to have a baby in 2 months and I will either get better or not live to meet the baby. This is not a rush decision, I cannot be in my skin anymore. This mental torment is 10/10 and these depths are something that noone can live with. I lost 7kg in one month as I dont have any appetite. It is just unbearable.

So I decided I have to try my last resort. And thats meds.
I know you are not going to advise me to take meds but I think it is better to try meds then end it without trying.
So I have a few questions which I hope you can answer please and PLEASE BE WITH ME THROUGH THIS PROCESS. I just need a little relief from these meds, 20% improvement would mean difference between life and death to me.

 

1.Is it better to go with Zoloft again in dose of something like 1mg or should I try some other drug? Maybe Lamictal at microdose?
2.If I reinstate and feel initial worsening of symptoms, do i go through that until my blood levels stabilise or drop it until bigger damage is done?
3.If I dont feel anything from 1 mg, do i up the dose? And if yes, to how much? And how much should I wait between upping the dose?
4.Can I make liquid titration in a way that i put 50mg pill in 500ml and get 0.1mg/1ml and then use syringe to pull out 10ml and squeeze those 10ml in back of my mouth?
5.What is the best thing to do if symptoms worsen after increasing the dose? Drop back to previous dose or carry on through sx?
6.How do we know if increase in symptoms is a bad reaction or just an initial adjustment of cns that most of ssri have?
7. Last time I took Zoloft it pooped out on me, why should I believe it will work now in such a low dose when it didnt work on much higher?
8.Should I take benzo(diazepam ie) while starting this process? It will maybe calm my cns and give me a better chance that my cns will not have sensitive/paradoxical reaction?

I am at my wits end and I really hope something will work. I know you never advise someone to go on drugs but that is my decision and I just hope for your advice,everything will be my decision after that.

 

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @Medved

 

You are correct, we only advise taking drugs to address withdrawal symptoms.

 

On 2/1/2023 at 2:17 PM, Medved said:

He told me to taper get immediately to 50mg and take that for a week, then cut to 25 and take that for 2 weeks and then jump off. I did as he said. But after that I rejected new AD he was offering as I had a feeling he also doesnt know nothing about this meds and I felt worn down from all of that. When all this finished it was late April/ beggining of May 2021.

 

It appears that after taking Zoloft at various doses continuously May 2019 to April 2021, you went off 100mg over roughly 3 weeks, quitting 25mg, then got fairly typical withdrawal symptoms.

 

On 2/1/2023 at 2:17 PM, Medved said:

I developed a lot of new symptoms such as anhedonia,loss of libido,mental akathisia,DPDR,mental fatigue,OCD,ADD,no concentration,loss of memory,feeling of fear,doom,terror,intense neuro emotions of anger,Stress, background noise,cog fog,loss of sense of time

 

Which of these symptoms have gotten better? Which remain or have gotten worse? How's your sleep?

 

How has your symptom pattern changed in the last month?

[Medved]

All of my symptoms get better in window and worse during a wave. My sleep have always been good during wd but have only recently gotten much worse. In last month and a half everything has gotten worse. As i said, i got plenty of new symptoms and they keep coming. Its nothing like waves i used to have before. This is something new. My baseline dropped significantly. I was working and living through my wd and now i am housebond. Thats how pattern changed. And I did nothing new. Seems like that physical exertion in my garder pushed me over the cliff. I just cant go like this any more. I live from minute to minute. I need to try something as i cant go like this. 

Please, can You answer my questions? What do you think about those options?

I am desperate for a relief

[j1290]

Hi Medved.  Welcome aboard!  

 

What does your doctor say?  Have you considered going back to whatever your last medicine combination was that you were stable on?  

 

I had a bad taper for 12 months and was not thinking clearly.   Finally I went back to my doctor and told him I wanted to start back where I began at the full dose of my medicine.   After I did, I was able to think better and made a new plan for a taper that has so far been quite successful.  I was in bad shape and now I feel so much better and can think so much more clearly.   I started to feel better within a few days of reinstating my meds.  I don't know why I was so stubborn, but I was.  

 

I'm no doctor and don't give medical advice, but your symptoms sound average for someone who did a cold turkey.   You have tons of options.  Work with your doctor, you really will find your way out of this.   

 

Please post often, glad to have you here!

[Medved]

9 hours ago, j1290 said:

Hi Medved.  Welcome aboard!  

 

What does your doctor say?  Have you considered going back to whatever your last medicine combination was that you were stable on?  

 

I had a bad taper for 12 months and was not thinking clearly.   Finally I went back to my doctor and told him I wanted to start back where I began at the full dose of my medicine.   After I did, I was able to think better and made a new plan for a taper that has so far been quite successful.  I was in bad shape and now I feel so much better and can think so much more clearly.   I started to feel better within a few days of reinstating my meds.  I don't know why I was so stubborn, but I was.  

 

I'm no doctor and don't give medical advice, but your symptoms sound average for someone who did a cold turkey.   You have tons of options.  Work with your doctor, you really will find your way out of this.   

 

Please post often, glad to have you here!

i dont believe my doctor will have a smart advice. As I wrote, they were all ignorant regarding wd. I am pretty much sensitive in regard to cns and they would advice me to go on high "therapeutic" dose and that might provoke paradoxal reaction. Which I dont want for sure. So thx for the advice but I am not going to my ignorant doctor

[Altostrata]

@j1290 I wish people could go to their doctors and get sensible advice about withdrawal syndrome! The reason this site exists is because they often cannot.

 

@Medved you are describing fairly typical protracted withdrawal syndrome. Usually symptoms come in waves and mutate into other symptoms, but on the average, they very, very gradually become less intense and less frequent.

 

Please answer this:

 

On 2/2/2023 at 4:56 PM, Altostrata said:

Which of these symptoms have gotten better? Which remain or have gotten worse? How's your sleep?

 

How has your symptom pattern changed in the last month?

 

Please provide more detail about the individual symptoms. How has your sleep pattern changed recently?

 

Have you had covid, antibiotic treatment, or drunk alcohol since you went off Zoloft? If so, when was that?

[Medved]

On 2/4/2023 at 2:23 AM, Altostrata said:

@j1290 I wish people could go to their doctors and get sensible advice about withdrawal syndrome! The reason this site exists is because they often cannot.

 

@Medved you are describing fairly typical protracted withdrawal syndrome. Usually symptoms come in waves and mutate into other symptoms, but on the average, they very, very gradually become less intense and less frequent.

 

Please answer this:

 

 

Please provide more detail about the individual symptoms. How has your sleep pattern changed recently?

 

Have you had covid, antibiotic treatment, or drunk alcohol since you went off Zoloft? If so, when was that?

 

Everything has become more intense. Dpdr,cog fog,panic attacks,anxiety,depression,reatlessness,no sense of self,black rabbit holes,mental fatigue,ocd,adhd,no memory,stress intolerance,anhedonia,apathy,soc anxiety,pessimism,hipochondria,no libido,sensory overload have all gone more intense. 

PLUS i suddenly have new symptoms like chest pain,cfs like symptoms,ankle pain,dizziness,polyuria,cracking joints,GI problems,post exertion malaise...

I have done every test under the sun and they all came clear. I had Getorade drink before all this happened. Maybe that has something to do. Idk...

I dont drink alcohol or take anything else then omega3 and magnesium. Last beer i had was 9 months ago. But i cant take it anymore. I havent answered to your questions sooner as i cant look at screens. 

Just please answer my questions. I need to make a move. This is unbearable. PLEASE answer my questions. I need to do something. I dont want to end my life before trying anything. 

[Altostrata]

12 hours ago, Medved said:

Last beer i had was 9 months ago

 

You stopped drinking alcohol after you went off Zoloft?

 

If you haven't had covid, antibiotic treatment, or an adverse reaction from additional drugs, most likely you have protracted withdrawal from abruptly going off Zoloft. We have seen that sometimes reinstatement of a very low dose, in your case 1mg to start, sometimes relieves protracted withdrawal. See

What is withdrawal syndrome? 
 
About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms 

 

I ask about other events that might cause a surge in these symptoms because if you have had alcohol, covid, antibiotic treatment, or an adverse reaction from additional drugs, it may not make sense to try Zoloft reinstatement.

 

If you want to try reinstatement, a 1mg trial dose might indicate if it can help you feel better, the low dosage being unlikely to trigger an adverse reaction. Zoloft comes in a prescription liquid so you can take a very small amount with an oral syringe. Or, you can make your own liquid, instructions here Tips for tapering off sertraline (Zoloft)
 

Please let us know how you're doing.
  

[Medved]

3 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

You stopped drinking alcohol after you went off Zoloft?

 

If you haven't had 

covid, antibiotic treatment, or an adverse reaction from additional drugs, most likely you have protracted withdrawal from abruptly going off Zoloft. We have seen that sometimes reinstatement of a very low dose, in your case 1mg to start, sometimes relieves protracted withdrawal. See

What is withdrawal syndrome? 
 
About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms 

 

I ask about other events that might cause a surge in these symptoms because if you have had alcohol, covid, antibiotic treatment, or an adverse reaction from additional drugs, it may not make sense to try Zoloft reinstatement.

 

If you want to try reinstatement, a 1mg trial dose might indicate if it can help you feel better, the low dosage being unlikely to trigger an adverse reaction. Zoloft comes in a prescription liquid so you can take a very small amount with an oral syringe. Or, you can make your own liquid, instructions here Tips for tapering off sertraline (Zoloft)
 

Please let us know how you're doing.
  

Ok. What do you think about Lamictal in my case?

[Altostrata]

On 2/6/2023 at 9:51 PM, Altostrata said:

If you haven't had 

covid, antibiotic treatment, or an adverse reaction from additional drugs, most likely you have protracted withdrawal from abruptly going off Zoloft. We have seen that sometimes reinstatement of a very low dose, in your case 1mg to start, sometimes relieves protracted withdrawal.

 

[Medved]

5 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Ok.

Can you please answer to me on this questions also? I need to be ready with this answers before I start renistatement because I may not be able to think clearly if something goes wrong.

 

1.If reinstate and feel initial worsening of symptoms, do i go through that until my blood levels stabilise or drop it until bigger damage is done?
3.If I dont feel anything from 1 mg, do i up the dose? And if yes, to how much? And how much should I wait between upping the dose?
4.Can I make liquid titration in a way that i put 50mg pill in 500ml and get 0.1mg/1ml and then use syringe to pull out 10ml and squeeze those 10ml in back of my mouth?
5.What is the best thing to do if symptoms worsen after increasing the dose? Drop back to previous dose or carry on through sx?
6.How do we know if increase in symptoms is a bad reaction or just an initial adjustment of cns that most of ssri have?
7. Last time I took Zoloft it pooped out on me, why should I believe it will work now in such a low dose when it didnt work on much higher?
8.Should I take benzo(diazepam ie) while starting this process? It will maybe calm my cns and give me a better chance that my cns will not have sensitive/paradoxical reaction?
 

 

 

[Altostrata]

On 2/6/2023 at 9:51 PM, Altostrata said:

See

What is withdrawal syndrome? 
 
About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms 

 

 

13 hours ago, Medved said:

7. Last time I took Zoloft it pooped out on me, why should I believe it will work now in such a low dose when it didnt work on much higher?

 

We're not suggesting reinstatement to treat whatever it was supposed to treat, we're suggesting it to reduce withdrawal symptoms. "Poop out" is irrelevant. Either it helps withdrawal symptoms or it doesn't.

 

13 hours ago, Medved said:

8.Should I take benzo(diazepam ie) while starting this process? It will maybe calm my cns and give me a better chance that my cns will not have sensitive/paradoxical reaction?

 

If you want to add a benzodiazepine, please consult with your prescriber about whatever steps to take after that.

 

[zma1]

Medved, read claire Weekes books. This applies to you because your sustem

is completely sensitized and your going to have a baby, and you are keeping yourself in a state of sensitization by fighting how you feel. Claire Weekes books are available to listen to on audible or YouTube and you can just buy the books and read them but there’s something about her voice that really hits me and helps. Seriously I can’t recommend this highly enough— do it whether or not you go back to meds.

[Medved]

I decided to reinstate next week. I will keep you updated.

 

But let me ask u something. Why are there almost no recovery stories? Its like really sooooo many stories of people suffering endlessly here and only a few recovery stories. On which ever profile u click, u see people still suffering or ending their lives. I mean, if the recovery rate from this medications is like 5% then it should be noted here. Because it would mean a lot to people who have false hopes here. So they can decide what to do with their lives calmly and maybe talk to their families and see whats the best option for them in the future. 

[methuselah]

This is the hard truth as I see it.  You’re right, some people don’t make it through this.  They just don’t.  Who knows how much is to blame on the drugs, their personal situations, whatever underlying issues they had that led them to medicate in the first place, their taper methodology, etc.  The drugs are clearly Indicated and are a significant contribution to massive suffering, but there are other reasons too..  People have been killing themselves since the dawn of time, well before ssris so there’s that too.  

Some stay on the drugs for life and find some sort of middle ground.
 

Others, and I believe… I have to believe, many others make it through.  I know a few personally. It’s hell on earth, but they make it through.  Some post success stories, some don’t.  Why don’t they, who knows. I’m sure plenty make it through and have never even heard of this site.  They just white knuckle it.  

 

To me, it’s a matter of how bad do you want to live life without all this sh1t.  Without the drugs, the symptoms, trips to this website (no offense intended), etc etc etc.  how bad do you want to live life that you knew before all this.  

 

Now, I’m no success story but I’d sure like to be and I’m doing my damnedest to get there.  You’re talking a lot about offing yourself and I don’t think that’s an attitude that’s going to get you through this.  You have a wife, I think you said a baby.  Let them be the reason to make it through.  You have to find your reason man, you just do.  
 

i think I read that you’re an athlete.  I assume then you have some competitive spirit in you.  Wel, are you going to let these god awful drugs beat you, are you going to let Pfizer and Eli lily and the rest win!!!!???  I sure don’t plan on it, because fuxk them that’s why.  
 

I’m nobody, but this is my 2 cents.  Take it fwiw.  I wish you the best, truly.  

[zma1]

I think a lot of folks just want to get this whole experience behind them. Some remember to come back and post their success stories, but a lot are just so traumatized and so happy to be on the other side, that they dont want to revisit the pain. It's prob a wound still healing that you dont want to poke around in. And then when you are healed you are onto other things and the painful memories are so distant that it's not worth trying to find them again. I cant remember the pain involved in childbirth/recovery. I cant even really remember the pain of Postpartum depression and anxiety. I remember that it was there but Im not going back to websites to tell other women that it won't last forever. I dont know why Im not I'm just not. And I truly do NOT want other women to suffer through it.  All this to say that the lack of success stories are not a reflection of the amount of success stories. We are all holding onto each other while going through this hellish withdrawal together we need each other right now. I dont check in on this website when Im in a window--only in waves. Maybe that makes me selfish --but Ive been stuck for so long that i need to be out when i can. 

Please don't despair. All of the folks that have made it through and have the wherewithal to come back to tell their tale say it won't last. Trust them. There's a wonderful woman that has a youtube channel her name is Angie Peacock. Check out her story. She is like Alostrata in that she went through it and dedicated her life to helping others.

[Bindy]

25 minutes ago, zma1 said:

I think a lot of folks just want to get this whole experience behind them. Some remember to come back and post their success stories, but a lot are just so traumatized and so happy to be on the other side, that they dont want to revisit the pain. It's prob a wound still healing that you dont want to poke around in. And then when you are healed you are onto other things and the painful memories are so distant that it's not worth trying to find them again. I cant remember the pain involved in childbirth/recovery. I cant even really remember the pain of Postpartum depression and anxiety. I remember that it was there but Im not going back to websites to tell other women that it won't last forever. I dont know why Im not I'm just not. And I truly do NOT want other women to suffer through it.  All this to say that the lack of success stories are not a reflection of the amount of success stories. We are all holding onto each other while going through this hellish withdrawal together we need each other right now. I dont check in on this website when Im in a window--only in waves. Maybe that makes me selfish --but Ive been stuck for so long that i need to be out when i can. 

Please don't despair. All of the folks that have made it through and have the wherewithal to come back to tell their tale say it won't last. Trust them. There's a wonderful woman that has a youtube channel her name is Angie Peacock. Check out her story. She is like Alostrata in that she went through it and dedicated her life to helping others.

Thank you needed to hear this so bad from someone.

[Altostrata]

@Medved are you clicking around in this forum: Success stories: Recovery from psychiatric drug withdrawal

 

If no one ever recovered, there would be no point in running this site, correct?

 

You're going to have to find the strength within yourself to believe you can do this. Nobody can make this happen for you. This is one of those situations where if you believe you can't, that's a guarantee that you can't.

[j1290]

3 hours ago, zma1 said:

I think a lot of folks just want to get this whole experience behind them.

This is what I've seen in a different community.  Once people are through it they don't want to revisit that traumatic period of their life.   

I could easily imagine people waiting to be sure they're really a success after taking their last pill before they write their story and never getting around to it.   

[littlebird]

On 2/11/2023 at 12:02 PM, zma1 said:

Some remember to come back and post their success stories, but a lot are just so traumatized and so happy to be on the other side, that they dont want to revisit the pain. It's prob a wound still healing that you dont want to poke around in. And then when you are healed you are onto other things and the painful memories are so distant that it's not worth trying to find them again.

 

I could see this happening, and also people thinking that once they're sure they're in the clear they'll post an update, then getting busy with life and forgetting, etc. Ideally, they're out living full lives and occasionally thinking, "Oh, I keep meaning to post a success story update!"

 

On 2/11/2023 at 10:12 AM, Medved said:

I mean, if the recovery rate from this medications is like 5% then it should be noted here. Because it would mean a lot to people who have false hopes here.

 

I see your point, friend. Also, if you told everyone trying something hard, "There's any overwhelming chance you're going to fail," then they wouldn't keep trying. If the recovery rate is 5%, that's a little bleak to think about, but it also fires me up to be in that 5% and keep at it. If that 5% hadn't had hope and faith in themselves, they wouldn't have kept striving and made it. 

 

I have to believe that this is possible, even if not probable. I've faced bad odds before. If you haven't already perused it, Alto wrote about helping thousands of people taper off meds. That's a pretty astounding number of people who succeeded. 

 

So, is it possible? Yes! Will it be hard? No one is gonna sugarcoat that one, it absolutely will be, but I'm betting you've done hard things before and you can do this too.

 

On 2/11/2023 at 10:58 AM, methuselah said:

i think I read that you’re an athlete.  I assume then you have some competitive spirit in you.  Wel, are you going to let these god awful drugs beat you, are you going to let Pfizer and Eli lily and the rest win!!!!???  I sure don’t plan on it, because fuxk them that’s why.  

 

**** yeah! 😎

 

On 2/11/2023 at 10:58 AM, methuselah said:

I’m nobody

 

Hard disagree! You're somebody, and you're cool.

 

[Medved]

I have been feeling like 10% better so I decided I will wait with reinstatement. 

Thank you all for your responses and encouragement but its hard to think that way when u are in thick of the worst chemical depression and anxiety. And seeing only 5% of success stories is not something anyone who joins this site wants to see. I am the guy that can handle the truth and doesnt like to be fooled around. If the recovery rate is 5% then i would like to know it and plan my life accordingly. If u know what i mean...

[zma1]

The recovery rate for those who go through and don’t reinstate is 100%. The time it takes to get to full recovery is different for everyone but you do recover. Your body is constantly looking for homeostasis if you through it off it will immediately work to find it again but it takes time. 
But yes, when I’m at my lowest darkest point I don’t think that way. I also don’t remember what it’s like to feel okay and I believe I’ve never felt okay and never will again. That’s why this website is so important. I’m happy you’re feeling a bit of relief. 

[Medved]

But there are so many things that are promoted here as a truth which dont make sense to me. 

For example, if PSSD is recognized condition in medical community and also on websites such as this,and is tought to be uncurable and lifelong for some of the sufferers, how come people here dont think post ssri depression or post ssri anxiet or post ssri dysautonomia is also symptom which might not resolve?

Why is pssd only symptom believed that it doesnt heal for some people? There are a webistes similar to this which deal with pssd exclusively and people there know its recovery rate is not 100%. Not even close to that. People have their sex organs shrink and atrophy. Its irreversable. So why do we think other things caused by antidepressants are reversable?

Think about it. Many things dont make sense...

[OffPills]

Hi Medved,

 

I’m sorry for what you’re going through and I hope you still feel a bit better.

 

There is no such thing as exact numbers or percentages. I believe millions of people recover after taking antidepressants, we are just on one side of the ‘bell shape graph’. We struggle and end up at a website like this. The succes stories prove that even people that are struggling can recover, and as mentioned in posts above, we don’t know how many people do write their succes story on here. Its plausible some just move on and want to forget the dark place they were in.

 

11 hours ago, Medved said:

There are a webistes similar to this which deal with pssd exclusively and people there know its recovery rate is not 100%.

 

Again, there are no exact numbers or percentages. The only number we know is there’s about 1900 members on that website. We don’t even know for sure SSRI’s are the cause of the sexual issues of all of these people. Even on that site there are recoveries. Dealing with sexual issues caused by SRRI’s is life-crushing, I know. But focusing on it does not help.

 

11 hours ago, Medved said:

People have their sex organs shrink and atrophy. Its irreversable.

Reading these horror stories doesn’t help. They can make you feel even more depressed and anxious, which can lead to sexual dysfunction on their own, and can stand in the way of recovery. The founder of this site is the living proof PSSD can heal, although it can take years. You’ve had windows in the past, and you felt 10% better on Thursday, thats a sign of recovery. Try to focus on that.

 

[RachelSusan]

@Medved Hi, I just found your thread.  How are you feeling now? 

 

I went through a terrible withdrawal with Zoloft. It was absolute hell. Unlike you I had mainly physical symptoms, my emotional symptoms were a lot less.  I am now off of it and I have had a complete recovery.  I wouldn't begin to advise you on what you should do, however if you have any questions about my experience I would be happy to answer them.

 

You have my compassion because I know how awful your situation is.

 

 

[Medved]

14 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

@Medved Hi, I just found your thread.  How are you feeling now? 

 

I went through a terrible withdrawal with Zoloft. It was absolute hell. Unlike you I had mainly physical symptoms, my emotional symptoms were a lot less.  I am now off of it and I have had a complete recovery.  I wouldn't begin to advise you on what you should do, however if you have any questions about my experience I would be happy to answer them.

 

You have my compassion because I know how awful your situation is.

 

 

Hi!

Thx for asking,i am definitely not good. But mental torment is not 10/10 but rather 8.5/10 and that makes me less suicidal. My mind feels severely damaged and i have no faith in ever feeling better. Everything is just so off and weird and i have soooo much chemical anxiety and depression that already lasts for 2 years straight. In 2022 i have had some hope because i had some windows of feeling a bit better but after this setback(which also brought new physical symptoms) i have no more faith whatsoever. I have no more of those windows i had in 22' and now feel worse mentally and physically worse then ever. And there is nothing i did to cause this setback. Well only if a bit of physical activity in my garden is the cause but i cant connect anything else to it. I have been living like a monk for 2 years. Without any success. 

I guess i will just continue to deteriorate in my mental and physical health until the point i either die or commit suicide. I have been reading about how people slowly get better through the years and in my case i am just getting worse. My faith i sealed and i can just accept it and live like this until i will no more be able to live. Zoloft did some really profound damage to my brain,or maybe those steroids i took before taking zoloft. I dont know but i just dont see why and how i should suddenly start to magically improve. I just feel soooo deeply in my gut i cant and wont heal. I am so glad you are better like many here. But there are some of us who end up like me. I was young,professional sports player,without ever having mental illness. Happy,energetic,curious,with maaaany friends,traveled the world,loved every second of my life. And now,i cant even remember all of those things or connect to them. Now i am just living in a nightmare 24/7. 

To get back to your message,i dont know what to ask you as you havent been to anything even remotely close to my experience. As you said,you havent had that bad of mental symptoms. So whats there to ask? Anyway, i appreciate your care. Maybe if you know or have ever heard of a case as bad as mine that recovered,then feel free to tell me that. But i honestly doubt that..

[RachelSusan]

@Medved It does indeed sound like you are in a lot of pain.  I think I felt terrible for a few years but I did slowly improve.  I am so sorry you are not seeing any improvement. 

[Rosetta]

Hi.  From my point of view, whatever you do — try one mg perhaps or simply wait it out —  it will be worth it to stay for your child.  My child is essentially the reason I waited to get better.  She’s almost 12.  She was 5 when I CT’d.  I lived through a lot of misery to stay here for her.  There were good times during the windows.  There were days I barely did what I needed to do for her.  There were times all I could do was read her a story.  It was ALL worth it!  I do not regret staying.  She is amazing, and I am almost always well.  There are some somewhat difficult days here and there, but I know they will pass.  I have learned to cope on those days.  I learned to scale back on those days.  
 

I’m hearing in your posts that you feel overwhelmed.  You are exhausted.  You have no life after being a pro player who loved traveling.  You are experiencing a huge setback at the two year mark. When you say “I cannot be in my skin anymore,” I’m hearing the possibility of agitation.  
 

I am someone who has been to that place where you are.  Many times.  The waves over and over, the feeling I could not go on, the thought of trying to find a drug no one else knew about.  Something, anything!  

My husband stayed with me, and he took care of me and my child when I could not.  He does not regret that either.  He just looked at me a moment ago and said, “Who loves you?”  I looked at the dog.  He said, “ Yes, definitely. Who else?”  I looked up the stairs because my daughter is up there. “Yes.  Who else?”  I said, “You.”  “ That’s right!”  The dog is on his bed at my feet, my kid is probably playing Minecraft or watching cartoons, and my husband has gone to bed.  The rain has stopped.  The house is quiet.  All is ok.  I’m in a wave right now.  It’s so mild compared to what you are feeling that you would laugh with disbelief if you could feel it, but it’s a wave.  And I don’t care because I survived.  I got mad at what the doctors did to me, and decided to fight for my child to have a mother, and I decided that their incompetence was not going to kill me.  I decided that I would live to be there for my little girl despite them and their ignorance and their greed and their hubris.
 

You will get better if you continue to stay off the psych drugs, have no alcohol, dangerous antibiotics, steroids, or adrenaline based numbing agents at the dentist.  Read my thread.  You will see.  There are windows and you can live during those windows.  You can learn how to live — actually live — during the waves.  The waves will get milder and your life will get better.  Read my thread.  Probably best to read it backward.  It’s very long.  You will see how I survived — hot baths, hot showers, heating pads, foot massages, no caffeine, no alcohol, nothing but Tylenol or Advil once in a while, and a little Benadryl (which is not without risk.). You can do this.  
 

You are having windows so you know your brain is adjusting and your nervous system is healing.  Even people who don’t have windows heal, but it’s reassuring to have them.  I promise you that you can do this.  I did it.  I had support, but I did it, and I am so very glad that I did.

 

🧚‍♀️Rosetta

[Medved]

Hi,

Can anyone relate to this?

 

Everyday i feel different mood. One day i woke up with cog fog and agitated,then next day i wake up feeling severely depressed,then next day i feel anxious and with mental akathisia,next day i feel emotional,next day i feel totally disconnected,next day i feel extremely nostalgic for no reason, etc... Its like during my sleep someone shuffles cards in my brain and then i wake up and see what i am going to deal with through that day.

Also,I always feel like i am not connected to my yesterday self. Like i dont remember what mood i was in the previous day or generally in the past. I dont resonate with my past. I feel disconnected from it. Even from the recent past like yesterday. It feels like i am born again and again every day and have no connection with my past.

And all those moods are overwhelming,like i feel extreeeemeee irritability or extreme cog fog etc... I also have many other symptoms like GI issues,muscle twitching,dpdr, loss of sense of self,chemical loss of self confidence,anhedonia,no stress resistance,pessimism,electronic screen sensitivity etc. Those also tend to shuffle but not on daily basis but every few days. 

 

Is this wd or am i having something else? Please,chime in,i am so desperate. 

Thank you ❤️

 

I dont take any supplements or meds.

[Altostrata]

As explained earlier, The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

[zma1]

Def read the windows and waves article. Here’s the thing about being hyper focused on how you feel: it makes you feel worse. I know it’s hard to ignore- very hard. But try to resign yourself to living your life with these feelings. Try to refocus on what’s going on outside of your body, in the world. Try to re engage. When a symptom pops in to interrupt your daily,  mentally name it for what it is “ there’s a withdrawal symptom” and let it be as you go on doing what you were doing. Don’t ask yourself questions about it or try to figure out what it feels like if it’s better or worse than yesterday or why it’s a new thing or how to make it stop.  Just name it and continue on w your day. Adding more fear or energy or thoughts to it makes it stronger and scarier and allows you to get lost in every sensation and symptom— and that is the place that becomes intolerable. ❤️

[rmce72a]

Medved, I completely relate to everything you are saying and feeling. I have been exactly as you describe for nearly 4 years. I don't know what to do either. I have very little support from anyone and feel as though I am drowning every day. The only relief I feel is when I go to bed and sleep. I understand windows and waves, but the windows are soooo rare and the waves just keep coming. Our only choice is to come here for support and guidance and do the best we can to get through every day. Wishing you windows. Please feel free to message me if you need a shoulder.

[Medved]

Thank you all for the replies. 

Hmmm i have read this link about waves and windows and have experiences waves and windows but this has nothing to do with it. Its just different set of symptoms everyday. No windows here. Rapid cycling of symptoms it is. I dont get relief from it. I used to have a certain amount of symptoms which intensified in wave and minimized in window. But this is whole another beast. Do you get what i am saying?

[zma1]

Rmce72a seems to have the same experience w no windows. Maybe the two of you will not have ups and downs, but rather a long steady slope of constant symptoms that may one day cease? Everyone has a different nervous system. Like I said if you can focus on the outer world instead of inner you can begin to function again. There’s a good book by Debbie Hampton called Beat Depression and Anxiety by changing your brain. I know you don’t have depression/anxiety but neither did she. She chemically severely damaged her brain by over dosing on SSRIs in a suicide attempt. She had to relearn everything. She tells her story and what worked for her and now she’s doing great again. The practices she uses are available to everyone and they’re easy but they take time. I highly recommend it😊

[Altostrata]

1 hour ago, Medved said:

Thank you all for the replies. 

Hmmm i have read this link about waves and windows and have experiences waves and windows but this has nothing to do with it. Its just different set of symptoms everyday. No windows here. Rapid cycling of symptoms it is. I dont get relief from it. I used to have a certain amount of symptoms which intensified in wave and minimized in window. But this is whole another beast. Do you get what i am saying?

 

You have been describing a typical pattern of withdrawal syndrome. Your condition is not exceptional. Typically, symptoms come in waves and windows, change into other symptoms, new symptoms arise, etc.

[bambam]

10 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

You have been describing a typical pattern of withdrawal syndrome. Your condition is not exceptional. Typically, symptoms come in waves and windows, change into other symptoms, new symptoms arise, etc.

@Altostrata can old symptoms come back as well?