Paigens18: Anafranil withdrawal

[Paigens18]

I have been on meds to treat my anxiety and depression for the better part of the last 10 years. I have been on SSRIs, SNRIs, tricycle antidepressants, beta blockers and benzos. I have taken celexa, pristiq, trazadone, Zoloft, anafranil, Ativan, valium. There is probably more but I can’t remember them all. The meds would seem to work okay for about a year and then lose its effect. However I never felt like meds worked that great for me to begin with.

 

But doctors would keep prescribing different meds because they said I just need to find the right one. I feel as I have been very misguided by my doctors over the years. Things got extremely bad around 2 years ago. I ended up in a psych ward for 2 weeks in June 2021. While there I was prescribed anafranil as well as trazadone for sleep and pregabalin (off label) for OCD tendencies. After being released from the psych ward  I worked really hard on doing self care, exercising, acupuncture, journaling and going to group therapy.

 

Things had improved quite a bit for me. In September 2022 I decided I’d like to start a family soon as my mental health was fairly stable. My psychiatrist let me know the meds I was on are not safe for pregnancy. I was on a dose of 150mg of anafranil. My doctors recommendation was to go down by 25mg every two weeks. I didn’t seem to have any issues during that time. My psychiatrist was not checking in on me during this time, his plan was to see me 3 months after starting the weening.

 

On December 16th, 2022 I went from 25mg to 0mg and that’s when the problems started. I’ve have experienced many many terrible symptoms since then. I’ve had brain zaps, extreme nausea, extreme anxiety, depression, adrenaline surges that seem to be the worst when I wake up, muscle achiness and spasms. I get extremely agitated. I get angry very easily. I’m having memory problems. I’m having communication problems, I try to speak and nothing will come out. I have concentration problems, especially at work. I have crying spells especially when I try to talk about something important. I’m having endocrine problems. My period has stopped. I have had a very regular cycle since the beginning. I’ve never once missed a period in 15 years until now.

 

I can’t sleep, I wake up every 5-10 minutes with extreme anxiety and it feels like someone is sitting on my chest. I have obsessive/repetitive thoughts. I feel a lot of shame and guilt because of the way I have been acting. On January 17th, 2023 I ended up in the ER because I felt like I was having a heart attack. I went to two different ER’s the first one I went to the triage nurse basically accused me of being a druggie. She told me the only reason people take valium is to help with withdrawals from street drugs. She looked at me with complete disgust. I left without seeing a doctor, even though it honestly felt like I was dying but I couldn’t handle the embarrassment.

 

I went to another hospital the next day, they were a bit nicer to me and ran tests to make sure I wasn’t having any issues with my heart. All of those tests came back clear and the doctor told me I was having a panic attack. I’ve had many panic attacks over the years and this felt completely different than anything I have ever experienced. But of course the doctor did not believe me. I saw my psychiatrist on Jan 19th, 2023. I told him what had been going on and he told me I’m having a relapse. How can it be a relapse if the majority of these symptoms are new? He prescribed me valium. He wanted me taking it for a month at a dose of 8mg a day. Even though I told him I’m terrified of these medications right now. I also know how addictive valium is and how awful withdrawals are from that. I decided not to take the dose he recommended and I have been taking it as needed. Usually I try to only take 2mg a day. Some days I manage to not take any at all. He also prescribed me citalopram again. Which I stayed on for about a week and then went off of it because I don’t want that poison in my body now that I know what happens when you come off of it. I am just terrified of these medications. I feel as if I’m going crazy. I don’t even know what it is real anymore. Am I making this all up? I feel abandoned and alone. This is ruining my relationships, especially with my boyfriend. I am missing tons of work. It feels like my life is failing apart. I’m honestly at the point where I just want to give up because it feels like it’s never going to end. Feels like I’m going to be stuck in this hell forever. 

Edited February 9, 2023 by Shep
added space between paragraphs for readability

[Shep]

Hi, @Paigens18

 

Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants.

 

23 hours ago, Paigens18 said:

Things had improved quite a bit for me. In September 2022 I decided I’d like to start a family soon as my mental health was fairly stable. My psychiatrist let me know the meds I was on are not safe for pregnancy. I was on a dose of 150mg of anafranil. My doctors recommendation was to go down by 25mg every two weeks. I didn’t seem to have any issues during that time. My psychiatrist was not checking in on me during this time, his plan was to see me 3 months after starting the weening.

 

On December 16th, 2022 I went from 25mg to 0mg and that’s when the problems started.

 

Since it's been less than 2 months, you may want to reinstate. You would do this with a very low dose - the longer you've been off the drug, the lower the dose. This is because your system has already started to adjust to not having the drug and taking too much may cause your nervous system to hyper react. You may want to try a sample dose of  1 or 2 mg to see how you do. Please read the first post in each of these threads. The "tips for tapering off" thread will show you how to get these low doses. 

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

Tips for tapering off clomipramine (Anafranil)

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

23 hours ago, Paigens18 said:

I also know how addictive valium is and how awful withdrawals are from that.

 

Have you been on valium before or any other benzo? If you've only taken a few doses, you may want to stop. It takes 2 - 4 weeks to develop a dependency, even with periodic use. If you know the number of times you've taken it within a certain timeframe, please let us know so we can help you gauge possible dependency. 

 

Please set up a signature. Here is how: 

 

How to Summarize Your Drug History in Your Signature

 

As you provide a signature and let us know more about your drug history and the timeline, we can continue to help you with a reinstatement. 

[Paigens18]

I don’t know where I’d get a dose that small. My psychiatrist is very unhelpful and does not believe that I am going through a withdrawal. 
 

Yes I took valium 18 months ago when I was in the hospital. I have been on Ativan before as well. I have taken 2-3mg of valium 3 or 4 times a weeks for the past month.

[Shep]

@Paigens18Please read the first posts of the links I posted in my first post. This information explains how to get the low doses. You don't need to read the whole threads, just the first post of each thread. You'll need to decide if you want to seek out a prescription liquid, make your own liquid, or use a scale. 

 

Also, please set up your signature (the link for this is also in my first post). 

 

Once you've had a read of the information, let us know if you have any questions.