Ridgey: Have I permanently messed up my brain/cns?

[Ridgey]

Hello everyone. I am a 23M who started taking Lexapro for the second time in February this year. I started on 5mg for one week, moved up to 10mg the following week and stayed on 15mg thereafter. I began to take them to see if they would help with obsessive thoughts which started just before I began medication, and depersonalisation/derealisation which has affected my for nearly 2 years. 

 

After the first few days of taking the medication, I noticed a sense of emotional numbness even worse than what depersonalisation had given me, along with a strong feeling of apathy. I thought maybe introducing the Lexapro had made my depersonalisation worse temporarily and these symptoms would go away with time - they have not!

 

I continued to titrate my medication up to 15mg and continued to take for over two months to see if my symptoms would stabilise, if anything they just seemed to get worse. As someone who identifies as an empathetic, emotional and caring person the apathy I was feeling towards my loved ones was eating me up inside so I decided to quit the medication cold turkey… 

 

I was not fully aware of the ramifications of that decision and I probably still am not fully aware and that’s why I’m here.

 

Since discontinuing the Lexapro maybe 2/3 weeks ago, I have noticed brain fog, apathy, parathesia, appetite changes, mood swings, concentration problems, struggle to read coherently, anger, among other smaller symptoms. 
 

Should I reinstate my medication? I’m worried that I’ve messed up my brain for good and I’m going to be stuck like this for a long time, maybe forever. I apologise for the rambling but my brain is all over the place.

 

Kind regards.

Edited June 24, 2023 by manymoretodays
name to topic title, removed 2nd duplicate post

[getofflex]

Hello, and welcome to SA.  We are a volunteer-run community of people who have been or are getting off of psychiatric drugs.   It is quite possible the DP/DR you have had the past couple of years was from quitting the Lexapro back in December 2021.  It can take several months for the symptoms to show up when it comes to quitting SSRI drugs.  We strongly suggest people do not quite their psych drugs cold turkey, as this is quite harsh on the nervous system.  Let me give you some basic information, then make suggestions to you regarding reinstating at the end.  No you have not permanently damaged your nervous system.  Luckily, you are very young, and didn't use the Lexapro for years or decades like many of us, myself included.  The apathy and emotional numbness you had while on the drugs is how they "work".  They basically numb the emotions and sexuality and spirituality.  That is why I got off it myself.  The symptoms you describe are common withdrawal symptoms, which will go away in time, gradually.  

 

I assume you have not been on any other drugs besides the Lexapro?  Any supplements?  If so, please add to your signature.  

 

Here is some important information about how these drugs actually work.  This explains why we get symptoms from going off of these medications, and why it's so important to taper slowly and carefully, and be very cautious about changing our doses: 

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

 

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is: 

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

 

Here is a link with checklists of common WD symptoms: 

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen Withdrawal Symptom Checklists

 

 

Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms: 

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

 

Stability is really important when we are tapering off psych meds.  Please read the link about stability:

 

Keep It Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but 2 that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. It is suggested to add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

Finally, going back on a small dose of your drug, which we call reinstatement, is best done very carefully.  This is temporary, and after stabilizing you would then taper gradually off of this.  There is some risk involved.  Here is some information about reinstatement.  

 

About Reinstating and Stabilizing to Reduce Withdrawal Symptoms

 

If you do decide to reinstate, I suggest you start with a small dose of 2 mg of liquid Lexapro.  I believe it should be available commercially in your country.  If not, you can make your own liquid. Please use a syringe to measure this, not a dropper.  This link will help you know how to measure non standard doses.  

 

Tapering and Dosing Lexapro

 

It will take about a week to fully get into your system, so please be patient.  If you immediately feel significantly worse, stop the reinstatement.  After you have stabilized on the 2 mg for a couple of weeks, we can take it from there.  It you need to increase the dose, we can do it very gradually.  Please keep us posted.  

Edited June 27, 2023 by getofflex

[Ridgey]

Hi @getofflex, thanks for replying to my post and for the information. I should have clarified in my previous post that I have had DpDr symptoms since October 2021, which is before I ever took Lexapro. I put this down to high anxiety/stress over a long period of time. 
 

As regards to your question about other drugs being taken besides Lexapro, I take 4mg chlorphenamine maleate (brand name piriton) for allergies, specifically hay fever.

 

Thanks for recommending magnesium and fish oil, I’ll look into adding a low amount fish oil into my regimen to see if it helps.

 

I guess I wasn’t educated enough on how these drugs work, I couldn’t stand the apathy and how it was making me treat the people closest to me so I thought I could quit as quickly as I started as I did before. 
 

When I quit CT before I believe I didn’t even take Lexapro long enough for it to take full effect, so going CT didn’t give me any noticeable symptoms… 

 

I’ll have to speak to my doctor about getting Lexapro in liquid form, I still have 15mg Lexapro tablets which I could cut but it wouldn’t be the most precise.

 

I’m still quite undecided on reinstatement, keep changing me mind, at times I feel like I can ride this out and other times I feel I should reinstate just to see if it helps.

 

Thanks again for your reply, it’s very much appreciated, I will keep posted on what I decide to do and how things go. 
 

Kind regards.

[Ridgey]

Apologies for tagging you, I have only just seen your signature and I can’t edit my post.

[getofflex]

Ridgey, I just want you to be fully informed, I don't mean this to alarm you.  Lexapro is an extremely powerful SSRI drug, and they are all very powerful.  Lexapro is 2x - 4x more powerful than other SSRI's.  It takes only 4 weeks for our brains to become dependent on these drugs.  You were on it about 5 months.  Quitting cold turkey is quite harsh on the nervous system, and it can often take up to 3 months for withdrawal to fully manifest itself.  Recovery from a cold turkey of SSRI drugs can take years.  Please take all these facts into consideration in your decision whether or not to reinstate.  It is your decision, and I'm not trying to pressure you, just want you to be aware of the risks and possibilities.  Here is our link about cold turkey, please do read it. 

 

Consequences of Cold Turkey and Too Fast Tapering

 

You have other options besides cutting tablets, or getting the liquid from your doctor.  You can also grind the tablets into a powder and weigh this, or you can even make a liquid yourself from your tablets.   This link will explain how to do that. 

 

Tapering and Dosing Lexapro

Edited June 29, 2023 by getofflex

[Ridgey]

Thanks for all the information, getofflex. I decided to reinstate 2mg of Lexapro this afternoon. I will keep this post updated with how I am doing, especially over the next week. I think it’s best to reinstate now and try to stabilise rather than wait to see if things get better/worse. I know this will take time but hopefully things will even out for me. 
 

Thanks again for the advice, I will keep you posted.

[getofflex]

Thanks for letting us know.  That is what I would do, if it were me.  Please let us know how the reinstatement goes.  

[Ridgey]

Lex reinstate diary. (2mg)

29th June: Immediately feel brain fog, hard to read, think or concentrate. Emotional bluntness x100 right now. 

 

30th June: Palpitations upon taking dose, thoughts still all over the place. Small headache as well.  
 

 

[Ridgey]

Just now, Ridgey said:

Lex reinstate diary. (2mg)

29th June: Immediately feel brain fog, hard to read, think or concentrate. Emotional bluntness x100 right now. 

 

30th June: Palpitations upon taking dose, thoughts still all over the place. Small headache as well.  
 

 

 Just going to throw in some general notes in here to keep this post going, they won’t be too precise or fleshed out; just some general observations I make when I’m not busy  

[getofflex]

So you reinstated to 2 mg Lexapro on Jun 29?  Please verify, and add this to your drug signature.  

 

It's a great idea to keep notes.  Just remember, reinstatement is not a quick fix, and it will not cure all of your symptoms, but it should make them tolerable.  It takes a week to get into your system, so please be patient.  It can take up to a month or two to get full benefit from your reinstatement.   If you feel significantly worse, we can stop or reduce the reinstatement.  Keep us posted.  Don't be alarmed if symptoms go up and down (windows and waves) or if they morph and change.  Your brain is struggling hard to deal with the drastic changes in medication.  

 

It would be helpful if you could supply us with the day in June that you quit the Lexapro CT.  If you aren't sure, make your best guess.  Thanks.  Being specific as you can in your drug history is very helpful to us, and will allow us to give you the best advice. 

Edited June 30, 2023 by getofflex

[Ridgey]

4 hours ago, getofflex said:

So you reinstated to 2 mg Lexapro on Jun 29?  Please verify, and add this to your drug signature.  

 

Yes, I reinstated on the 29th. No problem, will add it to my signature right now. 

[Ridgey]

4 hours ago, getofflex said:

It would be helpful if you could supply us with the day in June that you quit the Lexapro CT.  If you aren't sure, make your best guess.  Thanks.  Being specific as you can in your drug history is very helpful to us, and will allow us to give you the best advice. 

Honestly after going back through my post history on Reddit I believe I stopped taking them around the middle of May. Dpdr really distorts my perception of time, so I genuinely didn’t know it was that long ago. If I had to guess by my Reddit post history I would say around the 15th of May. 

[getofflex]

OK, thank you for clarifying your dates.  It's important to help the staff give you a good suggestion on your reinstatement dose.  

[Ridgey]

No problem GetoffLex, thanks again for your help  

[Ridgey]

1st July: Mood swings seem to have stopped but a feeling of emptiness has taken it’s place. Trying to connect with people around me but apathy and lack of empathy is making that impossible. DpDr also doesn’t help… hoping my sense of taste comes back again soon

[getofflex]

18 hours ago, Ridgey said:

1st July: Mood swings seem to have stopped but a feeling of emptiness has taken it’s place. Trying to connect with people around me but apathy and lack of empathy is making that impossible. DpDr also doesn’t help… hoping my sense of taste comes back again soon

Are these your only symptoms?  What other symptoms are you having?  How is your sleep, eating, and basic functioning?  

[Ridgey]

Just now, getofflex said:

Are these your only symptoms?  What other symptoms are you having?  How is your sleep, eating, and basic functioning?  

Disorganised thinking, repetitive intrusive thoughts, confusion, cognitive impairment, apathy, lack of empathy are my main mental symptoms. Kind of feel like a soulless zombie right now even as I right this…
 

Reduced sense of taste and some parathesia which comes and goes pretty quickly are my main physical symptoms that I’ve been dealing with. Today I also noticed reduced appetite but I’m still eating enough.

 

Sleep has been pretty poor the last few days, takes me a long time to fall asleep, I’ve taken my antihistamine medication just to help me sleep. 

As far as functioning goes, I still go to work and can do everything that’s asked of me without anyone noticing something is off (I think). University work has been put on the back burner as I feel I honestly don’t have the motivation or mental capability to complete assignments right now. 
 

Sorry for the long-winded response, but I believe this is everything I’m currently dealing with. Thanks again for responding to my posts, getofflex  

 

[getofflex]

These all sounds like classic WD symptoms.  About how many hours of sleep are you able to get each night?  I'm very glad you are still able to work.  Please rest assured, that eventually, your nervous system will return to normal, but it requires tremendous amounts of patience.  It takes time for the reinstatement to work.  It may not completely eliminate all symptoms, but it should improve them.  Please hold steady on that 2 mg of Lexapro, not missing or varying doses every day, at the same time of day each day.

 

Please keep us posted. 

[Ridgey]

5 minutes ago, getofflex said:

These all sounds like classic WD symptoms.  About how many hours of sleep are you able to get each night?  I'm very glad you are still able to work.  Please rest assured, that eventually, your nervous system will return to normal, but it requires tremendous amounts of patience.  It takes time for the reinstatement to work.  It may not completely eliminate all symptoms, but it should improve them.  Please hold steady on that 2 mg of Lexapro, not missing or varying doses every day, at the same time of day each day.

 

Please keep us posted. 

Thanks for the reassurance, getofflex. Sleep has been quite a mixed bag the past few weeks but the last few nights I have been able to get my usual 7/8 hours which is nice.

 

I feel like my symptoms are already less erratic than before I reinstated, which can only be a positive. 
 

Thanks for the advice, I’ll definitely hold steady on 2mg for the foreseeable future. 
 

Of course, if anything changes symptom wise, for better or worse, I’ll keep you informed. 
 

I have to say thanks to you and all the other volunteers on this website for helping so many people navigate through their own tough situations, kudos to you all ❤️ 

[Ridgey]

June 5th: Emotional blunting is really frustrating, this isn’t me. I just want my empathy back, I just feel lost and defeated. Questioning everything about myself and my personality…. I have to remain strong for the people who love me. Probably not the place to post any of this but I just wanted to vent. Honestly would just take the 24/7 dp/dr back. At least I could feel empathy and I knew who I was. 

[getofflex]

Eventually, your emotions and empathy will come back.  This is a very frustrating process that would try the patience of even the greatest saint.  Hang in there. 

[Ridgey]

2 minutes ago, getofflex said:

Eventually, your emotions and empathy will come back.  This is a very frustrating process that would try the patience of even the greatest saint.  Hang in there. 

Thanks getofflex, I apologise for the nature of my post, it’s just super frustrating as I’m sure you’re aware. I’ll try not to waste the resources of the moderators with posts like this unless I have important updates in future. Have a good day! 

[LostInCanada]

@RidgeySo glad you found SA. This is your intro to post whatever you need to. Sometimes that means venting and that's okay. It doesn't have to be something "important". Sometimes little details and feelings can be helpful for the moderators. 

Try to read under symptoms and self care. Caffeine, alcohol, CBD, artificial sweeteners, sodium nitrites can all have negative effects to healing. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Acceptance goes a long way to help healing. 👍