BigCitySliderStation: Trying to get off 6 years of 10mg Lexapro

[BigCitySliderStation]

Greetings! A few months ago I decided enough was enough with SSRI side effects (lack of motivation, asexuality, feeling "okay" but totally numb) and decided it's time to let it go. I've made a lot of progress since resorting to psychiatric meds and learned a lot of coping methods and have improved my life in a lot of ways since then and am hoping I'll be able to manage without them.

 

My journey started with several days of Prozac in 2016 during my first real job, I resorted to meds as a result of extreme anxiety and pure obsessive OCD that made it essentially impossible to function and took everything I loved away from me. I didn't take the Prozac well and was waking up every night panicking for several hours before I could get back to sleep, so I was then put on Luvox. I handled it fine, but it was so sedative that I just wanted to sleep forever and it wasn't sustainable with my 90 minute commute full time job I had at the time. After a few months of that, I was put on 20 minutes of Lexapro which is where I've been ever since. Especially during that time, everything was so crazy that I can't really place exactly how much each drug helped me and where, but I eventually did stabilize after leaving the job (it was a 9 month contract) and get to a position where I could live my life. However, a lot of the fear with tapering is I'm not sure how much of that was due to the Lexapro and how much was getting out of the hell job plus my own growth and gaining control over my condition.

 

I have tried several taper attempts over the years, however they naturally didn't go well because I was following the typical psych recommendation of 25% steps over a couple weeks. On one attempt in 2020 I did actually hit zero and at least in the moment didn't feel like I was having too much trouble, but it was during an unemployed era and I had to move back home right around when I hit zero and I collapsed into the worst depression of my life and ended up going back on my 10mg Lexapro after a few months at zero.

 

Anyways, over the last few years, I've conquered a lot of my demons, picked up a well paying part time remote job I'm very happy with, and stumbled into a support group of some of the best people I could ask for. Overall I'm doing great, and I decided it's finally time to see if I can be free of psychiatric drugs. I'm currently at 5mg, I had been doing a 15 week 15 step taper using a jewelry scale and empty capsules to crush up the pills and measure by weight. 15 steps was about as precise as I could get it, so that's what I went with. I also started an at-home low dose ketamine therapy program which I think is helping, until I started feeling withdrawal at around 4.5mg, it felt like I wasn't tapering at all. Someone could have been cutting my dose down and I wouldn't have even noticed anything was wrong. But anyways, that 4.5 is where things started to get a little rough so I decided to go back a step up to 5mg and re-evaluate my plan after learning even what is extremely gradual and cautious by the typical psych recommendation is actually still rushing it in reality. I also have a convention this upcoming weekend and figured I should keep myself somewhere stable so I can enjoy myself and not worry about what to do next until I get back.

 

 

So, onto the now. I'm currently at 5mg and hanging in there, things are a little swingy but I also haven't been at this exact dosage for more than a week. I guess the long term plan is to see if I can get my meds in solution form and start a 10% of previous dose taper every month as recommended here.

 

My main concerns with this whole thing are as follows:

- Will I be feeling unwell as I taper, so stretching it out beyond the sweet spot duration will just persist that? This particularly comes from the plans to take 5HTP or L-Tryptophan once I'm at zero, which I can't do until zero due to the interactions, so there's a bit of a desire to go as fast as possible while still doing it correctly.

- Once I'm stabilized at zero, will that hellscape of OCD and anxiety come back to me? This is entirely a rhetorical question, I know there is no answer, it's just what's on my mind and I think making that clear is important. It's also something I would love to hear experiences with, I'm not sure if people coming off psych meds is generally an improvement on anxiety/depression symptoms or if there's an inevitable drop that will need something else to make up for. I still have no clue whether the meds did the bulk of the work in me getting better, whether they were meaningful partial factor, or whether they basically did nothing at all.

- I understand the chemical imbalance theory is largely seen as nonsense at this point, but nearly everything I've dealt with has been pretty clear cut and dry serotonin-related problems and I'm wondering if there's anything I can do once I'm at zero to aid with that. From what I understand, serotonin supplements like 5HTP aren't really something you can take long term. (If the notion that my mental health symptoms come from a shortage a particular brain chemical is complete hogwash and just not how any of this works, please feel free to say so).

 

Apologies for the essay! I look forward to digging into this community and having others on the same path to share my journey with. Halfway down I'm already feeling some of my motivation and libido come back, and I'm apprehensive but excited for the future free of SSRIs.

[Frogie]

@BigCitySliderStation

 

Welcome to SA. We are a volunteer ran site helping people taper off psychiatric medications or have tapered off and are now healing.

 

 

This is your introduction page where you will receive information, ask questions and meet other members. We ask that you only have one introduction page so we can keep all your information in one place.

 

 

Here is some important information about how these drugs actually work.  This explains why we get symptoms from going off of these medications:

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

 

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is: 

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

 

Stability is really important when we are tapering off psych meds.  Please read the link about stability:

 

Keep It Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

 

On 6/24/2023 at 9:43 PM, BigCitySliderStation said:

My main concerns with this whole thing are as follows:

- Will I be feeling unwell as I taper, so stretching it out beyond the sweet spot duration will just persist that? This particularly comes from the plans to take 5HTP or L-Tryptophan once I'm at zero, which I can't do until zero due to the interactions, so there's a bit of a desire to go as fast as possible while still doing it correctly.

- Once I'm stabilized at zero, will that hellscape of OCD and anxiety come back to me? This is entirely a rhetorical question, I know there is no answer, it's just what's on my mind and I think making that clear is important. It's also something I would love to hear experiences with, I'm not sure if people coming off psych meds is generally an improvement on anxiety/depression symptoms or if there's an inevitable drop that will need something else to make up for. I still have no clue whether the meds did the bulk of the work in me getting better, whether they were meaningful partial factor, or whether they basically did nothing at all.

- I understand the chemical imbalance theory is largely seen as nonsense at this point, but nearly everything I've dealt with has been pretty clear cut and dry serotonin-related problems and I'm wondering if there's anything I can do once I'm at zero to aid with that. From what I understand, serotonin supplements like 5HTP aren't really something you can take long term. (If the notion that my mental health symptoms come from a shortage a particular brain chemical is complete hogwash and just not how any of this works, please feel free to say so).

Unfortunately, no one knows the answers to your questions. We can't predict that your symptoms that will come back or not. You can only do self care, taking baths, meditation, nature walks, this as that. We don't suggest taking 5HTP or L-Tryptophan. You would have to taper off of them the same as the Lexapro. 

 

I'm going to provide you with some links that you might find helpful. You need to stay on the Lexapro for a good long time. I'm thinking a good 4-6 months to reach stability. Then taper very slowly.

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

The Brassmonkey Slide Method of Micro-tapering

Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's withdrawal symptom checklist

Tips for tapering off escitalopram (Lexapro)

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?
 
About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms
 
The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

 

 

We don't suggest a lot of supplements on here as they can be stimulating to the central nervous system (CNS), except 2. If you would like to try one, try a small amount and wait a few days before introducing the other.

 

 

Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

 

 

After you have read the links provided, please reach out with any questions you may have.

 

 

 

 

[BigCitySliderStation]

Long overdue update, unsurprisingly given how fast I was trying to taper, withdrawal caught up and hit me like a truck shortly after my post and I ended up going back to 10mg a few days before my convention because I knew the kick attempt was a bust and I just wanted to feel better for the con. A few weeks later I got a scrip for liquid solution Lexapro and I'm trying again using the proper 10% down per month strat. I started on July 20th, and today I hit my third dose change. So far it's been perfectly fine and I hope it continues to go smoothly. I'm also more confident this time because during the downtime I was also diagnosed with pretty hardcore ADHD and started 15mg Adderall XR, and it's been a miracle drug for me. It's taken care of everything I was ever on antidepressants for a thousand times better, has no side effects I have a problem with, and has nowhere near the same withdrawal problems if I'm forced to miss doses. I'm not necessarily against taking mental health medication as a whole, really just antidepressants and especially SSRIs so I'm glad I found something in a totally different class that works for me and I think it'll make getting off the Lexapro much much easier.

 

Anyways, one silly little question I have - is there anything out there akin to gelatin capsules but capable of holding liquid? Dealing with the oral syringe every night and cleaning and drying it is a bit of a pain, and it'd be great if I could prep a week's worth of doses all at once like I was doing with capsules when I was crunching up and weighing the tablets on my last attempt.

[Altostrata]

Good to hear. You could get 5 oral syringes or small vials to fill at once. Please be aware the liquid might start to degrade if exposed to air, light, or heat.

[BigCitySliderStation]

On 9/22/2023 at 7:51 PM, Altostrata said:

Good to hear. You could get 5 oral syringes or small vials to fill at once. Please be aware the liquid might start to degrade if exposed to air, light, or heat.

Yeah I did actually consider picking up a ton of cheap little disposable vials so I could prep doses, but I think it'd be pretty wasteful and also I'd want to rinse and drink them with water to make sure I get every last drop of the dose so it ultimately wouldn't really be saving any time.

 

One more question since I see you also wrote the article on magnesium, I have some oxide I bought way back in 2017 or so and it's been sitting here since. Should that still be effective? it's just magnesium, so I can't imagine it'd be degrading or losing potency or anything. It's been in a cool dry place the whole time.

[Altostrata]

It probably hasn't degraded but the oxide form has low absorption, so not preferred for our purposes.