lexaproproblems19: Lexapro withdrawal is terrifying me

[lexaproproblems19]

Hi, I'm Rose, I'm 27, and I'm terrified I'm losing my mind.  

I'm a little confused on how to write my signature, but I'll add it once I figure out how to do so. 

I've read many posts, which have helped me come to terms with my situation to an extent, or, at least, they've helped me understand my situation. 

 

I was on Lexapro from mid 2020 until about May this year for depression, that I didn't realise was being caused by withdrawal from paroxetine, seeing as I'd recovered from my more severe withdrawal symptoms.

 

Upon ceasing Lexapro I was okay, but 2 weeks later everything went to hell. My taper had been too fast, I understand that now (and I really should have already known not to taper so fast as I previously stopped paroxetine essentially cold turkey and experienced a living hell), but I hadn't experienced any symptoms while tapering from 10mg to 5mg to 5mg every second day so I stupidly thought I should just stop.

 

Obviously, that was a terrible, terrible, terrible idea. Everything fell apart and I reinstated 5mg of Lexapro in mid May, but then I did something even dumber. After being on 5mg for 6 weeks or so I still felt terrible, so I decided that I should just go down to 2.5mg because I was desperate and just wanted the drug out of my system.

 

I was okay for a week or so, but then 5 days ago it felt like a switch flicked in my brain and I went further down hill. My short term memory has become worse, my anxiety is sky high, I feel as if I'm seeing things in my peripheral vision/misinterpreting what actually is in my peripheral vision, I'm confused almost half the day, my heart is racing, it's difficult to stay asleep, I have visual hypnagogic hallucinations, as well as distressing vivid dreams where I feel like I'm going insane (which is making me scared to sleep). I feel like I'm half disassociated/derealised most of the time, like everything feels off and unreal, and everything is overstimulating/my brain seems to not be able to process the external stimuli it's receiving correctly, e.g. someone turns a page of a magazine and my brain interprets it as a train going by. But what's scaring me the most is that everybody's face seems sinister and terrifying; their expression isn't changing or anything but my brain is interpreting it as a threat. I can't tell if this is a symptom that has become worse because of anxiety, as in because I'm aware of the symptom it's now happening almost constantly, or if it's actually happening almost constantly. I can't put into words how horrible this symptom is. When I'm at my most logical, I begin to think my constant anxiety and my distressed nervous system is causing me to believe everything and everybody is a threat, but even then I'm still not sure. 

 

Weirdly enough, I have seen an improvement in the fatigue I was experiencing, and my ability to write and put my thoughts into words, so that's something, I guess. 

Aside from support and comfort, I'm also searching for some advice. I was wondering if I should go back up to 5mg or increase my dose slightly to maybe 3mg or 3.5 or some other dose, just to sooth my nervous system, or, because I've been on and off and on the drug and then tapered too fast twice, if it's not wise to increase the dose once again, and that I should let my brain regulate itself. 

I'd appreciate any response as I'm really quite desperate and terrified that I'm losing my grip on reality.

 

I forgot to add that I'm taking Omega 3 once a day, and have been prescribed 2mg melatonin to help with sleep, and have 5mg valium and 10mg propranolol that I do not take often, only when I'm at my worst. I don't want to become dependant on either drug and want to allow my nervous system to heal naturally. 

Edited July 4, 2023 by manymoretodays
name to topic title, spacing for ease of readability

[lexaproproblems19]

On 7/4/2023 at 8:34 PM, lexaproproblems19 said:

Hi, I'm Rose, I'm 27, and I'm terrified I'm losing my mind.  

I'm a little confused on how to write my signature, but I'll add it once I figure out how to do so. 

I've read many posts, which have helped me come to terms with my situation to an extent, or, at least, they've helped me understand my situation. 

I was on Lexapro from mid 2020 until about May this year for depression, that I didn't realise was being caused by withdrawal from paroxetine, seeing as I'd recovered from my more severe withdrawal symptoms.

Upon ceasing Lexapro I was okay, but 2 weeks later everything went to hell. My taper had been too fast, I understand that now (and I really should have already known not to taper so fast as I previously stopped paroxetine essentially cold turkey and experienced a living hell), but I hadn't experienced any symptoms while tapering from 10mg to 5mg to 5mg every second day so I stupidly thought I should just stop. Obviously, that was a terrible, terrible, terrible idea. Everything fell apart and I reinstated 5mg of Lexapro in mid May, but then I did something even dumber. After being on 5mg for 6 weeks or so I still felt terrible, so I decided that I should just go down to 2.5mg because I was desperate and just wanted the drug out of my system. I was okay for a week or so, but then 5 days ago it felt like a switch flicked in my brain and I went further down hill. My short term memory has become worse, my anxiety is sky high, I feel as if I'm seeing things in my peripheral vision/misinterpreting what actually is in my peripheral vision, I'm confused almost half the day, my heart is racing, it's difficult to stay asleep, I have visual hypnagogic hallucinations, as well as distressing vivid dreams where I feel like I'm going insane (which is making me scared to sleep). I feel like I'm half disassociated/derealised most of the time, like everything feels off and unreal, and everything is overstimulating/my brain seems to not be able to process the external stimuli it's receiving correctly, e.g. someone turns a page of a magazine and my brain interprets it as a train going by. But what's scaring me the most is that everybody's face seems sinister and terrifying; their expression isn't changing or anything but my brain is interpreting it as a threat. I can't tell if this is a symptom that has become worse because of anxiety, as in because I'm aware of the symptom it's now happening almost constantly, or if it's actually happening almost constantly. I can't put into words how horrible this symptom is. When I'm at my most logical, I begin to think my constant anxiety and my distressed nervous system is causing me to believe everything and everybody is a threat, but even then I'm still not sure. 

Weirdly enough, I have seen an improvement in the fatigue I was experiencing, and my ability to write and put my thoughts into words, so that's something, I guess. 

Aside from support and comfort, I'm also searching for some advice. I was wondering if I should go back up to 5mg or increase my dose slightly to maybe 3mg or 3.5 or some other dose, just to sooth my nervous system, or, because I've been on and off and on the drug and then tapered too fast twice, if it's not wise to increase the dose once again, and that I should let my brain regulate itself. 

I'd appreciate any response as I'm really quite desperate and terrified that I'm losing my grip on reality.

 

 

 

I really don't want to be impatient, as I know this is a volunteer run site and everyone has their own lives to lead, but I'm still terribly frightened. I'd really appreciate some advice on my tapering. Should I stay on the 2.5mg or increase to 5mg? Nothing has gotten worse but also nothing is improving. The threatening faces and the strange, nonsensical intrusive thoughts while I'm in bed are what scare me the most. Any advice would be appreciated. 

P.S. I still don't understand how to add my signature so any help with that would also be greatly appreciated. Thanks! 

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @lexaproproblems19

 

Yes, this is a volunteer site and we are working through a queue of new members.

 

On 7/4/2023 at 11:34 AM, lexaproproblems19 said:

Everything fell apart and I reinstated 5mg of Lexapro in mid May, but then I did something even dumber. After being on 5mg for 6 weeks or so I still felt terrible, so I decided that I should just go down to 2.5mg because I was desperate and just wanted the drug out of my system.

 

I was okay for a week or so, but then 5 days ago it felt like a switch flicked in my brain and I went further down hill.

 

If you were better at 5mg but felt fatigue (we see this a lot from escitalopram and citalopram), I'd try 3mg. Please let us know how you're doing. 

[lexaproproblems19]

@Altostrata Thank you so much for your reply, I appreciate it immensely! Yesterday during the day I felt the best I've felt in days, then the night came and everything became almost unbearable again. I had some friends over and it helped me not dwell on the symptoms. 

Faces still feel unusually threatening, but it's more still images as opposed to my friends and family, although my brain tries to tell me otherwise. 

The worst and most terrifying symptoms currently are that everything feels threatening and the intrusive thoughts/paranoia that people I love are going to harm me. Logically, I know they're not but it's causes me immense fear and it's hard to stop catastrophising. I'm just so scared I'm becoming psychotic. One thing that is helping me is @Sunnyday recovery post, as her experience seems almost identical to mine. 

[Altostrata]

Are you still taking 2.5mg? It may be enough, if you give your nervous system a little time to settle down.

 

On 7/4/2023 at 11:34 AM, lexaproproblems19 said:

I forgot to add that I'm taking Omega 3 once a day

 

Please note that often getting 3000-4000mg EPA plus DHA per day means about 6 capsules per day, 2 at each meal.

 

See 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

[lexaproproblems19]

@Altostrata I'm still on 2.5mg and I think staying on is what's best, as I feel my nervous system is starting to settle down slightly. I'm experiencing periods of relief during the day/night, compared to the previous few days, which were pure hell. This morning was really difficult but tonight, in comparison, was wonderful. Staying social is incredibly helpful, and I saw some friends again tonight. I also have a supportive housemate who is willing to sit with me and let me talk to her when things are hard. I'm beginning to feel more hopeful. I just need to remember these moments when it inevitably becomes difficult again. I know time heals, so I'm really trying hard to stay in the present and not the future and the past. I think I'm beginning to believe that these symptoms are all withdrawal and that psychosis is not in my future. 

I'm on some high quality double strength fish oil tablets I was given by a naturopath, but if 3000-4000mg is what is recommended I'll increase my dose. I'll check how much is in each tablet first, of course. 

  

[Altostrata]

You'll want to look at EPA and DHA in your fish oil capsules. The rest is filler.

 

It may take some months for you to feel fully stabilized.

[lexaproproblems19]

@Altostrata The nights have become the hardest for me. Sleep is causing me such fear. I procrastinate it, even though I know my waking hours will be easier if I try to sleep as much as I can. Falling asleep, although stressful, is usually not too hard, but I wake repeatedly throughout the night with my heart pounding. When I wake up in the morning at around 8am and just lay there with my eyes shut, my mind conjures up the weirdest images that are accompanied by nonsensical thoughts and I awaken feeling confused. I was talking to my doctor about everything I'm going through, and, like most doctors, she does not believe in withdrawal, so she's prescribed me seroquel XR to help me sleep, which I will definitely not be taking, as I don't want to further disrupt my already fragile nervous. system. I understand natural approaches to improving sleep is what's best in my current state. I've read a few accounts of people having strange closed eye hallucinations/hypnagogic hallucinations with withdrawal, especially during the acute stages of withdrawal, so I'm trying to stay positive. 

[Altostrata]

You are experiencing the expected  Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

This will go on for a while. When you have bad spells, please try to remember that you have good spells, too.

 

The importance of recognizing you're feeling good

 

What times o'clock do you take your drugs? How do you feel before and after each dose?

[lexaproproblems19]

@Altostrata Last night was significantly better than the previous nights. Yes, I suffered interrupted sleep, but there were no closed eye hallucinations/hypnagogic hallucinations so that's a win. My brain seems to be adjusting to this dose and is no longer constantly interpreting everything as a threat. The periods during the day where I feel some sort of relief are widening and increasing in frequency. 

 

I take my dose in the morning as soon as I wake up with my breakfast. I haven't noticed any considerable change after taking my meds, maybe a slight increase in mood 2hrs or so after taking it, but that also might be a coincidence. I never have any adverse reactions to my dose, though, I'm certain about that.  

[lexaproproblems19]

@Altostrata Sorry, I didn’t answer your last question completely. I usually take lexapro at around 9/9:30am, which is when I have my breakfast. My heart is usually pounding before my dose and I usually feel slightly  disorientated (but that sometimes lasts throughout the day), and, as I said above, I don’t notice a huge difference after I take the lexapro. 
My symptoms don’t seem to follow a pattern as of right now. Sometimes I’ll feel pretty good in the morning, other times I feel my best in the evenings, so it varies. 
 

Do you think taking the seroquel for a night or two would be an absolutely terrible idea? I assume the answer will be yes, but just thought I’d check anyway.

[lexaproproblems19]

@Altostrata I thought I would give an update.

I didn't end up taking the seroquel, which I think was definitely the right decision.

Thankfully, some of my most concerning symptoms have mostly subsided. People are far less terrifying to me and everything is no longer threatening. My brain has also pretty much stopped misinterpreting what's in my peripheral vision. Although I still feel as if I can recognise people when I'm out and about, it's not as constant nor as scary as it once was. 

Sleep is still a struggle, especially staying asleep, and my anxiety surrounding sleep is still very present. I'm still suffering from blurred vision, a number of cognitive issues, intense anxiety that usually ebbs and flows throughout the day, DR, slight paresthesia, and odd bodily sensation, but the logical part of my brain knows these are very standard withdrawal symptoms and they'll take a while to settle down. The intense anxiety is probably the hardest part, though. 

 

But one thing is still concerning me. Occasionally, upon waking in the morning, I find that I am unable to open my eyes for a few seconds. Then when I manage to open them and then close them again, the same thing will happen. This morning it happened three times in a row. It only ever happens during the morning, around the time I wake up. I know it's probably my confused brain getting stuck between being unconscious and conscious because this symptom is usually accompanied by a vivid dream and a state of intense sleepiness, but it's terrifying nonetheless. Perhaps it's a mild form of sleep paralysis or something similar?

[Altostrata]

Good to hear you've stabilized a bit.

 

It's important for you to take your drugs at the same times and dosages every day.

 

Difficulty waking up does not sound like a serious withdrawal symptom.

[lexaproproblems19]

@Altostrata I'm going through a wave at the moment, and I'm experiencing some other symptoms similar to the eye opening symptom I mentioned above that I am quite concerned about. I just want to see if anyone thinks these symptoms are actually serious. I'm aware that I have been highly anxious for almost three weeks so most likely my brain is just warn out and I'm catastrophising every single symptom. 

 

So, occasionally when I'm doing something involuntary my brain seems to take a moment to catch up e.g., I'm breathing in and then suddenly I can't seem to stop breathing in and can't breathe out for a few seconds, or I'm swallowing and then suddenly I can't for a moment or two (never when I'm actually swallowing any food or liquid), or I'm humming a tune and then suddenly I can't seem to stop humming when I want to, or, like I mentioned above, I try and open my eyes in the morning and I can't seem to for a few seconds. None of these symptoms are constant and sometimes they happen days apart, but over the past 3 days I've had one instance of this every day.   

 

It scares me every time it happens but it never lasts more than a few seconds. It seems like some kind of delay, as if parts of my brain are just not in sync, which is probably exactly what is happening. It never happens at a certain time of day and sometimes it comes out of nowhere, even when I'm relatively calm. 

 

i've been cutting my pills into quarters and essentially doing it by eye/relying on a cheap scale, but I did just purchase a mg scale, so maybe using that will help my symptoms. 

[Altostrata]

Have you always had health anxiety?

[lexaproproblems19]

@Altostrata To some degree, yes. It became worse when I stopped taking Paroxetine because of all the symptoms I experienced. I also have moderate emetophobia, which makes me very aware of every bodily sensation. My last reply was written when I was highly anxious, which I know wasn't the best decision. I was catastrophising and letting the fear get the better of me. 

 

 

 

[lexaproproblems19]

@Altostrata I can see on some posts that some people find it easier to taper on the brand name lexapro as opposed to the generic version. I know it probably varies from case to case, but would you recommend that I try that during my taper?

 

My goal is to eventually transition to a liquid version of lexapro to make my taper easier and more precise, but I know it's going to be difficult to convince my doctor to give me a script because, like many doctors, she doesn't believe that my symptoms are caused my withdrawal. I've seen people talk about making their own liquid version of lexapro, is that a bad idea? I can't seem to find much information on that. 

[Altostrata]

You will need to get your health anxiety in hand if you want to continue to taper off your drug. In order to taper your drugs, you need to take responsibility not only for measuring, etc., but for reading and following instructions, asking appropriate questions, and managing your own anxiety about tapering. If you can't do that, don't attempt to taper your drugs yourself. We cannot assist you.

 

Health anxiety, hypochondria, and obsession with symptoms

 

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

 

We are only peer counselors, we cannot counsel you through severe health anxiety. We recommend tapering techniques you can do yourself, but asking for intensive supportive coaching to overcome your health anxiety is asking too much of the unpaid volunteers here.

 

 

[Happy2Heal]

2 hours ago, lexaproproblems19 said:

My goal is to eventually transition to a liquid version of lexapro to make my taper easier and more precise, but I know it's going to be difficult to convince my doctor to give me a script because, like many doctors, she doesn't believe that my symptoms are caused my withdrawal. I've seen people talk about making their own liquid version of lexapro, is that a bad idea? I can't seem to find much information on that. 

 

it doesn't hurt to ask the dr anyway. is it a psychiatrist or a primary care doctor? 

there are ways to convince drs to do what we need them too, sometimes you have to get creative

 

I've made my own liquid with the tablets, it was gross and the crushed pills would not stay suspending in the liquid so I had to buy a special suspending stuff I got on amazon

it tasted disgusting so I found a way to convince a dr to give me the liquid. they rolled their eyes a lot but they did it.

 

if you look around this site you'll find lots of references to published pages etc that show that WD is real, perhaps copy some of that info to show your dr?

 

for finding things on this forum I find using google and putting in surviving antidepressants + __________  (whatever it is I want to look for) and I get lots of hits that way

 

in your signature it says "

Also taking 5mg valium when I'm at my lowest, which is probably once or twice a week "

 

this is a very bad idea. I think you know why. 

On 7/10/2023 at 12:43 AM, lexaproproblems19 said:

I don't want to further disrupt my already fragile nervous. system. 

 

you are going to be ok

 

you will probably experience all sorts of very strange symptoms, don't be afraid of them

 

if you go to the Success Stories and check out others who were on the same meds as you, you'll see we have all had these symptoms and they eventually went away

 

also the Success Stories will reassure you that you are going to heal!! we all did, you will too!!

 

it's a long hard journey but you can make it thru

 

Take a look around the forum , and if you see someone with a story similar to yours, maybe ask them a question about what they did to get thru it

or a symptom like you are having, there is a thread for just about everything!! I know when I read thru all the things that can happen during WD I was very glad that there were symptoms I didn't have!!

and that my worst symptoms were the ones that went away first

 

sometimes it helps to put things in perspective to take a look around at what others are going thru here, so you can see that you are not alone and that people are finding ways to cope with all of this stuff

 

❤️

 

[Happy2Heal]

here are a few of the Success Stories you might be interested in:

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/23452-sunnyday-recovered-from-lexapro-and-wellbutrin/

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/29238-bellacs-success-story_-complete-recovery-from-escitalopram-lexapro-of-12-years/

 

of course there's my success story too, but it's long and I tend to ramble a lot so I don't recommend it if you're looking for a quick answer and some clarity LOL I am all over the place and that's just "me"- WD made it a little worse but not much and now fully recovered I'm still a scatterbrain

oh well

*blush*

 

check out how different Aeroman looks since recovery. handsome guy eh?

 

 

Edited July 25, 2023 by Happy2Heal

[Happy2Heal]

oh Bella mentions how she tapered:

Taper strategy: usually 10% taper each time, reach stability before further tapering.

Taper method: 1. Cut & weight pill with digital scale; 2. homemade liquid solution (w/ syringe) when the dosage is low.

 

so you see it can be done with a homemade liquid!!

 

her thread is very organized, it might be a good place to start

 

[lexaproproblems19]

@Happy2Heal Thank you much for you supportive posts and links to the success stories. I've had a look through all the posts tagged with lexapro and escitalopram. I know this is a long road, but I also logically know it's not a never ending one. I've made it through paroxetine withdrawal, and although this experience is worse, I know I am capable of overcoming it, even if i forget that sometimes.

 

On 7/26/2023 at 8:05 AM, Happy2Heal said:

you will probably experience all sorts of very strange symptoms, don't be afraid of them

 

The ever changing nature of withdrawal is so odd, but this is what I need to remember when another abnormal symptom appears. Thank you for the reminder. I also need to remind myself that although I'm experiencing a wave right now and some symptoms have worsened, many of the symptoms I've experienced previously have significantly reduced, if not completely disappeared. 

 

Time will heal, as they say.  

[lexaproproblems19]

Hi @Altostrata, I'm quite concerned. I bought a mg scale that looked legit to weigh my lexapro as a powder. Turns out it was malfunctioning and I've been accidentally taking the wrong dose for 3 days, and I mean a drastically different dose, it was probably double (I actually don't know how I didn't realise it was too much... sigh). The last two days I felt the same as I did before I accidentally increased my dose. Today, though, I feel quite positive, my mood seems slightly elevated, but I'm not sure if that's a coincidence because my period ended recently. I don't think I feel too different in any other way, though. So, what I'm asking is, do you think I should stay on my previous dose? Is 3 days enough time for my body to have adjusted? I took my regular dose this morning. 

[lexaproproblems19]

@Altostrata I did do this earlier in my taper as well. I accidentally took 10mg for three days instead of 5mg and nothing happened when I reduced back down to 5mg, so here's hoping that the same happens this time. I also read some accounts of people accidentally increasing their dose for a number of days and most people seemed okay when they dropped back to their intended dose.  

 

I also bought the gemini scale so hopefully this doesn't happen again. I'm currently still cutting my pills into quarters because Australia doesn't offer a liquid (rolls eyes and shakes fist), which is probably also why I'm struggling to stabilise. I'm trying to cut them as evenly as possible but I know it's impossible to do that by eye, so my doses are probably varying.  

 

Also, another little update. I went to an optometrist who specialises in BVD (binocular vision dysfunction), which is essentially a condition that prevents the two images the eyes pick up from merging together to create one clear image, making it difficult to bring things into focus, which can lead to increased anxiety because visual stimuli becomes overstimulating. The condition also causes a myriad of other symptoms, such as motion sickness, dizziness, halos around lights, problems with reading comprehension, headaches, poor depth perception, agoraphobia, and many more. BVD can appear on its own but can also be caused by trauma to the brain, which is interesting. I was diagnosed with this post paroxetine, and it has only gotten worse since tapering Lexapro. The optometrist fitted me with some prism glasses (special glasses that help bring the eyes into alignment) that will hopefully improve my sight. They haven't arrived yet but I'll give an update on them when they do. BVD is severely under-diagnosed and not fully understood by most optometrists because it's not uncommon for people with BVD to pass a traditional eye exam. Most people have to see a neuro-ophthalmologist to get the condition diagnosed. Thankfully, I found an optometrist who specialises in the condition where I live. My diagnosis got me thinking about the amount of people who suffer vision problems long after ceasing antidepressants. It's all very interesting. Perhaps I should write about this in the vision topic.

 

End of Ted Talk

[lexaproproblems19]

Time for an update!! Can't believe it's been almost 6 months since my last post. You know what they say, time flies when you're having fun (a joke). To the surprise of no one, I'm still in withdrawal. Although, everything is considerably easier than it once was, and many of my most debilitating symptoms have either subsided completely or have become tolerable (the cognitive difficulties and derealisation are still kicking my ass but in a way that isn't as frightening). My vision remain my most frustrating symptom, but yesterday I found out that the optometrist who provided me with my prism lenses had put the wrong lens in the wrong eye, so now that that's been remedied, my sight is slightly improved (things are at least more in focus). I've also booked myself in for a 6 month course of vision therapy (a type of eye therapy that aims to improve the brain eye connection in people diagnosed with BVD), which will hopefully help my vision further. 

 

I'm returning to work sometime this month, which is terrifying, but at this point I think I need to just see if I can do it. Withdrawal did a number on my self esteem, so I feel I might actually be more capable than I believe myself to be. I'm inclined to believe this because I experienced a number of incredibly stressful life events over the last few months, and was surprised at how well I was able to navigate them. 

 

There are still days where withdrawal overwhelms me and I begin to ruminate, which leads me to spiral, but they're not as often as they once were. Sometimes pretending I'm okay can lead me to feel okay. Every time a symptom arises, it's soon followed by a wave of anxiety (not the withdrawal type, the regular type), and distracting myself with every day tasks can help prove to me that I am, in fact, not dying, even if it feels as if I am. 

 

Aside from working on my eyesight, I also hope to balance my hormones. Either the lexapro itself or the stress caused by the withdrawal, has definitely thrown my hormones off balance, which is leading to mood swings and other negative hormonal symptoms. I succeeded in levelling them out with the help of naturopath and the use of a natural tincture last time I was in withdrawal, so I might go down that path again when I feel slightly more stable. 

 

I'm going to parrot what so many other people have said on this website, but one of the best decisions I made over the last few months was making a conscious effort to not endlessly scroll on forums. That decision helped me start to live my life again. Even if it's not a full life, it's still a life and joy can be found. Learning to see the beauty in the small things really does help. 

 

The end is not in sight and I still have a way to go, but we are moving in the right direction and for that I'm thankful. 😊😊😊