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PearlsMom1979: Boiling Rage/Anger and Cognitive Decline


PearlsMom1979

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Update and help required:

 

The rage which is back from last week is bad this time.

We are at 17 month of being zero drug

 

Pearl is a heavier in build and taller than me.

 

She hurls stuff when in rage , at me and screams at the top of her lungs.

 

This time she is trying to hit me as well.

 

Needless to say her siblings are scared.

 

I am also worried about neighbours , as we live in an apartment.

 

Does anyone know of any device or machine which can reduce the noises in her room from going out of the room?

 

If I try to tell her to lower her scream volume, she shouts even more.

 

She is screaming from 4 AM and naturally neighbours must have heard it.

 

So far no one has approached or complained to us but it could be anytime.

 

It's giving me tension.

 

Any advice is required desparately.

Fluxonine April 2021 to June 2021 

Lenzo 0.5 added in June 2021

Risperidone added in July 2021

Started with 0.5 ml risperidone, dose was increased by doctor upto 4 ml till we reached November 2021

Started tapering from January 2022 and completed taper in February 2023 with the guidance of doctor 

Drug free from 14th February 2023

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Has anyone tried chammomilla for anger, restlessness and insomnia?

Fluxonine April 2021 to June 2021 

Lenzo 0.5 added in June 2021

Risperidone added in July 2021

Started with 0.5 ml risperidone, dose was increased by doctor upto 4 ml till we reached November 2021

Started tapering from January 2022 and completed taper in February 2023 with the guidance of doctor 

Drug free from 14th February 2023

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Feeling very low today. 

Out of all the symptoms, this rage hits me the hardest.

 

Spoke to a homeopathy doctor today out of desperation.

 

He concluded by saying that this cannot be a withdrawal symptom as it's been more than one year since we stopped medicine completely.

 

He diagnosed Pearl with schizophrenia.

 

I don't know why did I consult him, whether to belive his diagnosis or not.

 

A logical rational part of my brain says it's ofcourse withdrawal as I read stories of our friends here regularly.

 

But this doctor has scared me even more.

 

I don't know what is there in future for my child.

 

God save us all ..

Fluxonine April 2021 to June 2021 

Lenzo 0.5 added in June 2021

Risperidone added in July 2021

Started with 0.5 ml risperidone, dose was increased by doctor upto 4 ml till we reached November 2021

Started tapering from January 2022 and completed taper in February 2023 with the guidance of doctor 

Drug free from 14th February 2023

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That's very unfortunate to hear, but I highly doubt that a homeopathy doctor is skilled in any way to put serious psychiatric diagnoses such as schizophrenia. Normally those are done after a hospitalization to perform various blood and cognitive tests, and even brain scans such as MRI. There isn't a serious doctor I believe which will give such a life-term diagnosis without serious investigation first, also to rule out any possible physical cause for the symptoms, *especially* to a child which is still developing.

 

In any case I'm sure you're very much concerned, as this wave is stronger, but it could also be something normal after the calmer days during the vacation, I suppose.. Many folks on this forum really spend a few years before their withdrawal symptoms subside. From my experience and advice from my amazing therapist, trying to support your situation by following a good routine with sleep and proper nutrition, anything that improves emotional intelligence (learning to say "no" without offense and keeping your boundaries in a peaceful manner), any relaxing but supporting the mind activity is very important (regardless of the actual diagnosis or the often bad outlook for the future that doctors usually give :( ).

 

I really hope you'll be able to withstand this wave too and that it soon passes!

In the end of 2015, got into a few days of psychosis and got an outpatient appointment with a psychiatrist, a diagnosis of schizo-affective disorder and a 2 month treatment with Risperidone. At the current point in time, my doctor is not convinced anymore in the diagnosis, rather points out depression and anxiety as my main condition, but I'm still taking Abilify as prevention therapy.

  • 2016 - 7.5 mg Abilify; 2017 - 2018 - 2 mg; April 2019 - May 2020 - 5 mg; June - December 2020 - 4.5 - 2.3 mg (-10% / month)

-> early 2021 - upped a little bit because of a depressive episode and insomnia

  • March 2021 to Jan 2022 - down to 0.7 mg

-> Feb 2023 - another depression+insomnia episode, so up again; added vit. B3, melatonin, L-tryptophan and split the Abilify dose in two

  • May 2022 to Nov 2022 - 2 mg down to 0.75 mg

-> middle of January 2023 - insomnia kicked in, some derealizations too; so up to:

  • Jan-April - 1 mg Abilify up to 1.5 mg; added Quetiapin 6 mg for a month, then down to 0 mg
  • 2024: dropped gradually Abilify to 0.5 mg and further down to 0.3 mg

Current: 0 mg Abilify since 8th of July 🥳 Holding the situation with aminoacids (tyrosine, tryptophan), Omega-3, Gingko biloba, occasional magnesium, calming herbs and CBD. Getting agitated, 2-3 nights of reduced sleep or depressed at certain phases of my period, overall improved mood and motivation is coming back. Appetite has reduced dramatically, weight is also slowly going down and energy levels - up. I can sweat again!

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@Nocturna thank you again, you are amazing

 

When I get time sometimes I read our own thread and I do appreciate there has been some progress in the last 17 months. But then another wave comes and I feel we have gone back to zero.

 

Also we never expected such a strong wave at 17 months.

 

Logically with a calm mind when I read success stories I do realize it's very common for withdrawal to continue upto 16 months and beyond but tolerating it for this long is another story.

 

We do try to handle in best possible way, but when she does not sleep for days then it impacts my sleep also.

 

Plus our youngest is just 6 years and this time he is also scared of this. 

 

After almost an year of mild anger, the worst rage even worse than initial days I feel, is back and we are just clueless how to calm her.

 

She simply does not listen to anything. Trying to talk to her results in non stop screams and so I just stop trying, which breaks my heart.

 

Today only I asked her while eating if she wants more vegetables and instead of a yes or no, the entire dinner plate was hurled at me. I know she does not know what she is doing. But God, when will this end or if it will end at all!

 

You also had got schizo-effective diagnosis initially? I just checked your signature properly today, I am so sorry.

How are you doing with your current hold?

 

Fluxonine April 2021 to June 2021 

Lenzo 0.5 added in June 2021

Risperidone added in July 2021

Started with 0.5 ml risperidone, dose was increased by doctor upto 4 ml till we reached November 2021

Started tapering from January 2022 and completed taper in February 2023 with the guidance of doctor 

Drug free from 14th February 2023

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@PearlsMom1979

Hi Pearlsmom,

 

Im sorry to read that you are having such a tough time.

 

Has Pearl tried magnesium? It can be calming. I use the type that you dissolve in water and sip it throughout the day.

 

I personally wouldn't  put any credence into what the doctor said at this point. As you have read on this forum, it can take years for people to recover from these poisons. And you have seen Pearl experience the windows and waves talked about here.

 

Didn’t you just came back from vacation? That can be stressful, even if it was a fun time overall and a “good stress”, it is still stress.

 

Hang in there, you doing a great job supporting Pearl. ❤️

1998-2015 Zoloft. 100mg

2015 Straight switch to Wellbutrin by GP who claimed Zoloft stopped working; I was experiencing occasional brain zaps. 3 months later Wellbutrin  XR. Highly activating. Lost ability to sleep. Seroquel x3 nights. Horrible reaction. Straight switch back to Zoloft, began taper. Found SA  after tapering 25 mgs a week to 25mgs and began experiencing W/D.

6/21/19 5.05 mg; 9/6/19 4.8 mg; 4/24/20 4.57 mg; 8/27/21 4.43 mg

9/20-9/25/21 xover to new RX from expired meds

10/22/21 4.13 mg; 11/26/21 3.93 mg; 4/15/22 3.74 mg; 6/3/22 3.54 mg; 8/5/22 3.38; 9/30/22 3.19; 11/18/22 3.03; 12/30/22 2.88; 2/17/23 2.74; 3/24/23 2.60; 5/12/23 2.47;  6/23/23 2.35; 8/11/23 2.24; 9/15/23 2.13; 10/20/23 2.02; 11/24/23 1.92; 1/12/24 1.83; 2/17/24 1.72; 3/23/24 1.64; 4/19/24 1.56; 5/24/24 1.48; 6/29/24 1.39; 7/27/24 1.31; 9/13/24 1.25;

Supplements: Natural Calm magnesium, Vitamin C Vitamin D during winter.

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@Believer Hi, thank you for stopping by, and your suggestions.

Supplements we had tried in the past but they seem to have no effect on Pearl. Any specific brand of Magnesium which I need to check? Maybe I can try it again.

 

After vacation she had her periods due, which happened on normal time. She always gets bit of anger before her period and gets better after period every month.

 

This time it seems to be a nasty wave.

She slept for 5 hours last night,  which is much lesser than her regular sleep, but atleast it was some sleep after 2 nights of no sleep.

 

How is your taper going on? Hope you are managing well.

 

I am looking for views of some members who do not believe these mental illness related labels. I personally believe these are all Pharma made nonsense labels without any basis and are not true. 

These are our reactions to day to day life stressors which are aggravated by pshychatrist medicines and then labelled as illnesses. This is what I tried to argue with doctor.

But I am not sure if I am correct or not. 

I am looking for some members names who were initially labelled like this and later on proved these labels wrong.

Maybe I will have some points to prove my argument if in future anyone tries to label my child.

Fluxonine April 2021 to June 2021 

Lenzo 0.5 added in June 2021

Risperidone added in July 2021

Started with 0.5 ml risperidone, dose was increased by doctor upto 4 ml till we reached November 2021

Started tapering from January 2022 and completed taper in February 2023 with the guidance of doctor 

Drug free from 14th February 2023

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This one comes to my mind.

Supplements: Vit D3, Fish oil, Magnesium bisglycenate 200mg (when needed), Melatonin 1.25mg (when needed), Camomile tea (1 cup before bed), THC oil (0.03ml once a week, don't do this to yourself), Vit C 500mg a day
Started effexor in 2011.

Stopped effexor in 2012 (fast tamper).

Got back on effexor in 2012.

Tried stopping effexor again in 2014 (I'm not sure?), fast tamper again.

Started effexor again in 2014.

Switched to Escitalopram in 2016 I believe

Stopped Escitalopram 10mg cold turkey on January 3 2024.

Reinstated Escitalopram 5mg on april 2 2024.

Down to 1mg on april 3 2024, 1.25mg on april 11 2024

 

 

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Hi @PearlsMom1979,

I use Natural Vitality Calm magnesium supplement. That is the only one I have experience with.

 

Mood instability around menses is common in withdrawal and those not in withdrawal. Keep in mind that Pearl doesn’t have much experience, due to her age, in managing her emotions, and withdrawal is a scary, awful experience, as adults many of us have a very difficult time managing our emotions during withdrawal. When I was experiencing agitation at its worst, I would hit trees in our forrest with a stick and cry. It helped release a lot of the negative feelings in a not so destructive manner. Maybe you can think of some physical ways to help Pearl safely release when she is angry? Even yelling can help. I know the middle of the night is not a good time for this, but maybe if she is somewhat agitated during the day, releasing during the day would help the nights be calmer?

 

I totally agree, these are pharma labels. Complete garbage. I understand your desire to have this label removed, but you are working with someone who believes in this area of medicine and its diagnosis's. I would not have any further appointments with this person and do your best to put their “expert opinion” behind you. Not worth your time or energy. 
 

There is a really good YouTube video that you might find helpful. It is called “The scientific collapse of the DSM’s model of care - Robert Whittaker”.

 

Sorry, I wasn’t able to figure out how to attach it. 

1998-2015 Zoloft. 100mg

2015 Straight switch to Wellbutrin by GP who claimed Zoloft stopped working; I was experiencing occasional brain zaps. 3 months later Wellbutrin  XR. Highly activating. Lost ability to sleep. Seroquel x3 nights. Horrible reaction. Straight switch back to Zoloft, began taper. Found SA  after tapering 25 mgs a week to 25mgs and began experiencing W/D.

6/21/19 5.05 mg; 9/6/19 4.8 mg; 4/24/20 4.57 mg; 8/27/21 4.43 mg

9/20-9/25/21 xover to new RX from expired meds

10/22/21 4.13 mg; 11/26/21 3.93 mg; 4/15/22 3.74 mg; 6/3/22 3.54 mg; 8/5/22 3.38; 9/30/22 3.19; 11/18/22 3.03; 12/30/22 2.88; 2/17/23 2.74; 3/24/23 2.60; 5/12/23 2.47;  6/23/23 2.35; 8/11/23 2.24; 9/15/23 2.13; 10/20/23 2.02; 11/24/23 1.92; 1/12/24 1.83; 2/17/24 1.72; 3/23/24 1.64; 4/19/24 1.56; 5/24/24 1.48; 6/29/24 1.39; 7/27/24 1.31; 9/13/24 1.25;

Supplements: Natural Calm magnesium, Vitamin C Vitamin D during winter.

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2 minutes ago, Believer said:

Sorry, I wasn’t able to figure out how to attach it. 

I got you!
 

 

You can copy / past the URL in your post and it should attach to the post automatically.

Supplements: Vit D3, Fish oil, Magnesium bisglycenate 200mg (when needed), Melatonin 1.25mg (when needed), Camomile tea (1 cup before bed), THC oil (0.03ml once a week, don't do this to yourself), Vit C 500mg a day
Started effexor in 2011.

Stopped effexor in 2012 (fast tamper).

Got back on effexor in 2012.

Tried stopping effexor again in 2014 (I'm not sure?), fast tamper again.

Started effexor again in 2014.

Switched to Escitalopram in 2016 I believe

Stopped Escitalopram 10mg cold turkey on January 3 2024.

Reinstated Escitalopram 5mg on april 2 2024.

Down to 1mg on april 3 2024, 1.25mg on april 11 2024

 

 

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Haha! Thank you @Tweed9674 I couldn’t get it to work. 
 

https://youtu.be/29WKzcRaUGM?si=uUJQGvKlxCwAFBJ3
 

Oh, look at me go, maybe I did it. 🤣

 

Thanks again!

 

1998-2015 Zoloft. 100mg

2015 Straight switch to Wellbutrin by GP who claimed Zoloft stopped working; I was experiencing occasional brain zaps. 3 months later Wellbutrin  XR. Highly activating. Lost ability to sleep. Seroquel x3 nights. Horrible reaction. Straight switch back to Zoloft, began taper. Found SA  after tapering 25 mgs a week to 25mgs and began experiencing W/D.

6/21/19 5.05 mg; 9/6/19 4.8 mg; 4/24/20 4.57 mg; 8/27/21 4.43 mg

9/20-9/25/21 xover to new RX from expired meds

10/22/21 4.13 mg; 11/26/21 3.93 mg; 4/15/22 3.74 mg; 6/3/22 3.54 mg; 8/5/22 3.38; 9/30/22 3.19; 11/18/22 3.03; 12/30/22 2.88; 2/17/23 2.74; 3/24/23 2.60; 5/12/23 2.47;  6/23/23 2.35; 8/11/23 2.24; 9/15/23 2.13; 10/20/23 2.02; 11/24/23 1.92; 1/12/24 1.83; 2/17/24 1.72; 3/23/24 1.64; 4/19/24 1.56; 5/24/24 1.48; 6/29/24 1.39; 7/27/24 1.31; 9/13/24 1.25;

Supplements: Natural Calm magnesium, Vitamin C Vitamin D during winter.

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19 hours ago, PearlsMom1979 said:

Has anyone tried chammomilla for anger, restlessness and insomnia?

I do drink chamomile tea every day. It does help me a bit with insomnia.

It doesn't do any miracle.

 

I can't say that it help me with anger and restlessness.

Supplements: Vit D3, Fish oil, Magnesium bisglycenate 200mg (when needed), Melatonin 1.25mg (when needed), Camomile tea (1 cup before bed), THC oil (0.03ml once a week, don't do this to yourself), Vit C 500mg a day
Started effexor in 2011.

Stopped effexor in 2012 (fast tamper).

Got back on effexor in 2012.

Tried stopping effexor again in 2014 (I'm not sure?), fast tamper again.

Started effexor again in 2014.

Switched to Escitalopram in 2016 I believe

Stopped Escitalopram 10mg cold turkey on January 3 2024.

Reinstated Escitalopram 5mg on april 2 2024.

Down to 1mg on april 3 2024, 1.25mg on april 11 2024

 

 

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@Tweed9674, @Believer, this is wonderful , thank you both for your replies, I will go through the information provided by you guys thoroughly and will use it well.

 

Thanks a ton for finding time to help us here ☺️ 

 

The homeopathy doctor I had consulted is not our regular doctor, he was recommended by someone some time back and since I do not visit our psychiatrist anymore,out of desperation in this nasty wave I consulted him. I thought to try some alternative therapy.

 

But there is no way I am putting Pearl under his prescribed medicines. Neither I am going to him again.

 

We could sleep for 5 hours last night after 2 nights of zero sleep and now I am able to think bit rationally. There is no way Pearl has such diagnosis.

 

It is a long story but in a nutshell it was almost negligible vitamin D and hormonal imbalance at the age of 10 which caused these symptoms in her. Rather than correcting that she was put on antidepressants which caused behaviour to destroy further and hence antipsychotics were introduced.

 

As they say, the rest is history.

 

2 years and still trying to break the damage and come out of this trap 💔 

 

Thanks to all the lovely people here , we are surviving and hopefully we all will be out of it very soon .

 

 

Love and blessings to you guys and other friends here 💝 

Fluxonine April 2021 to June 2021 

Lenzo 0.5 added in June 2021

Risperidone added in July 2021

Started with 0.5 ml risperidone, dose was increased by doctor upto 4 ml till we reached November 2021

Started tapering from January 2022 and completed taper in February 2023 with the guidance of doctor 

Drug free from 14th February 2023

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I have to ask is the rage attacks worse at any point during her cycle? 

Is she more angry just before her period starts? 

I'm wondering if some of it could be normal teenage hormones, period hormones and withdrawal just dials it up to 10. 

Some girls can be stroppy teenagers because they don't know how to deal with the hormones yet. And maybe withdrawal just intensifies those feelings for poor pearl. I could be wrong but have you seen a connection anywhere. 

I also spoke to Angie Peacock the other day that did tell me its not unusual that years 2 and 3 can actual feel more intense to some people. That's not uncommon apparently. So don't lose heart. 

I wouldn't put much stock into the diagnoses you received. 

Have you had her bloods run recently just to check she is functioning within normal ranges? Doesn't hurt to check. 

2015- Jan 2021 20mg Citalapram

Jan 2021- April 2021 Sertraline (CT)

June 2021 - Fluoxetine & Trazadone

Oct 2021- Trazadone to Quitiapin 

Oct 2021 to June 2022 switches Duloxetine then paroxatine then Venlafaxine.

June 2022- venlafaxine for 5 or 6 weeks at 37.5 twice daily. Upped for one week to 75mg twice daily but caused panic attacks. Dropped back down to 37.5 twice daily. Panic attacks stopped. 

1 week- 62.5mg 1 week- 50mg 1 week- 37.5mg 1 week - 25mg 

ANTIDEPRESSANT FREE SINCE JULY 22ND 2022!! 

18/05/23 - 01-06/23 doxycycline for a rat bite 

Taken propranalol since 2015. 80mg.

21/11/22 76mg. 28/11/22 72mg. 05/12/22 68mg. 19/12/22 64mg. 27/12/22 60mg. 02/01/23 56mg. 09/01/23 50mg. 16/01/23 47mg. 23/01/23 44mg. 29/01/23 40mg. 05/02/23 38mg. 12/02/23 35mg. 19/02/23 32mg. 25/02/23 27mg. 04/03/23 25mg. 11/03/23 22mg. 17/03/23 19mg. 24/03/23 20mg. 05/04/23 18mg. 11/04/23 16mg. 17/04/23 14mg. 27/04/23 20mg. 19/06/23 19mg. 25/06/23 20mg. 04/08/23 18mg. 11/08/23 17mg. 16/08/23 16mg. 25/08/23 15mg. 01/09/23 14mg. 08/09/23 13mg. 15/08/23 12mg. 22/09/23 11mg. 29/09/23 10mg. 19/11/23 9mg. 26/11/23 8mg. 03/12/23 7mg. 10/12/23 6mg. 17/12/23 5mg. 24/12/23 4mg. 31/01/23 3mg. 07/01/24 2mg. 13/01/24 1mg. 19/01/24 0mg. DONE! 

 

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Oh sorry I see you already mentioned periods. 

2015- Jan 2021 20mg Citalapram

Jan 2021- April 2021 Sertraline (CT)

June 2021 - Fluoxetine & Trazadone

Oct 2021- Trazadone to Quitiapin 

Oct 2021 to June 2022 switches Duloxetine then paroxatine then Venlafaxine.

June 2022- venlafaxine for 5 or 6 weeks at 37.5 twice daily. Upped for one week to 75mg twice daily but caused panic attacks. Dropped back down to 37.5 twice daily. Panic attacks stopped. 

1 week- 62.5mg 1 week- 50mg 1 week- 37.5mg 1 week - 25mg 

ANTIDEPRESSANT FREE SINCE JULY 22ND 2022!! 

18/05/23 - 01-06/23 doxycycline for a rat bite 

Taken propranalol since 2015. 80mg.

21/11/22 76mg. 28/11/22 72mg. 05/12/22 68mg. 19/12/22 64mg. 27/12/22 60mg. 02/01/23 56mg. 09/01/23 50mg. 16/01/23 47mg. 23/01/23 44mg. 29/01/23 40mg. 05/02/23 38mg. 12/02/23 35mg. 19/02/23 32mg. 25/02/23 27mg. 04/03/23 25mg. 11/03/23 22mg. 17/03/23 19mg. 24/03/23 20mg. 05/04/23 18mg. 11/04/23 16mg. 17/04/23 14mg. 27/04/23 20mg. 19/06/23 19mg. 25/06/23 20mg. 04/08/23 18mg. 11/08/23 17mg. 16/08/23 16mg. 25/08/23 15mg. 01/09/23 14mg. 08/09/23 13mg. 15/08/23 12mg. 22/09/23 11mg. 29/09/23 10mg. 19/11/23 9mg. 26/11/23 8mg. 03/12/23 7mg. 10/12/23 6mg. 17/12/23 5mg. 24/12/23 4mg. 31/01/23 3mg. 07/01/24 2mg. 13/01/24 1mg. 19/01/24 0mg. DONE! 

 

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@Doctorsrcrap thank you so much for your kind and helpful advice 

 

Yes she does get irritated a lot before her period. 

 

So 2-3 years of withdrawal from being zero drug is heavier as compared to 1st year?  For us first 6 months were really hellish, then things started getting better and better. After reaching month 16 onwards things are again not so great. Waves are coming more frequently in last 1 month and the current one is the worst in terms of rage.

 

Her bloodwork is normal, was done few months back. Now she is not deficient in any vitamin.

 

How are you doing? Hopefully it's getting better for you as well?

 

 

Love and blessings for all of us here 💕 

 

Fluxonine April 2021 to June 2021 

Lenzo 0.5 added in June 2021

Risperidone added in July 2021

Started with 0.5 ml risperidone, dose was increased by doctor upto 4 ml till we reached November 2021

Started tapering from January 2022 and completed taper in February 2023 with the guidance of doctor 

Drug free from 14th February 2023

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I was told my bloods were fine but in fact that is incorrect. A lot of Dr's don't know how to read blood results. 

Yes Amgie said that a lot of people she has seen start to struggle in years two and three if they are protracted before it starts to let up again. 

I have to say I am finding that to be accurate for myself 

2015- Jan 2021 20mg Citalapram

Jan 2021- April 2021 Sertraline (CT)

June 2021 - Fluoxetine & Trazadone

Oct 2021- Trazadone to Quitiapin 

Oct 2021 to June 2022 switches Duloxetine then paroxatine then Venlafaxine.

June 2022- venlafaxine for 5 or 6 weeks at 37.5 twice daily. Upped for one week to 75mg twice daily but caused panic attacks. Dropped back down to 37.5 twice daily. Panic attacks stopped. 

1 week- 62.5mg 1 week- 50mg 1 week- 37.5mg 1 week - 25mg 

ANTIDEPRESSANT FREE SINCE JULY 22ND 2022!! 

18/05/23 - 01-06/23 doxycycline for a rat bite 

Taken propranalol since 2015. 80mg.

21/11/22 76mg. 28/11/22 72mg. 05/12/22 68mg. 19/12/22 64mg. 27/12/22 60mg. 02/01/23 56mg. 09/01/23 50mg. 16/01/23 47mg. 23/01/23 44mg. 29/01/23 40mg. 05/02/23 38mg. 12/02/23 35mg. 19/02/23 32mg. 25/02/23 27mg. 04/03/23 25mg. 11/03/23 22mg. 17/03/23 19mg. 24/03/23 20mg. 05/04/23 18mg. 11/04/23 16mg. 17/04/23 14mg. 27/04/23 20mg. 19/06/23 19mg. 25/06/23 20mg. 04/08/23 18mg. 11/08/23 17mg. 16/08/23 16mg. 25/08/23 15mg. 01/09/23 14mg. 08/09/23 13mg. 15/08/23 12mg. 22/09/23 11mg. 29/09/23 10mg. 19/11/23 9mg. 26/11/23 8mg. 03/12/23 7mg. 10/12/23 6mg. 17/12/23 5mg. 24/12/23 4mg. 31/01/23 3mg. 07/01/24 2mg. 13/01/24 1mg. 19/01/24 0mg. DONE! 

 

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@Doctorsrcrap I am so sorry that you are going through it. But you have reached zero drug in January 24 only as per your signature right? I am sorry if I am not understanding anything correctly.

 

 

Then by Angie's definition we are also in protracted withdrawal  😨 

 

Hopefully we all will be out of this mess very soon.

 

If doctors are not able to read blood work reports correctly then what in the world are we supposed to do? Who will interpret these?

 

 

Fluxonine April 2021 to June 2021 

Lenzo 0.5 added in June 2021

Risperidone added in July 2021

Started with 0.5 ml risperidone, dose was increased by doctor upto 4 ml till we reached November 2021

Started tapering from January 2022 and completed taper in February 2023 with the guidance of doctor 

Drug free from 14th February 2023

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Update:

After 2 nights of zero sleep and then 1 night of 5 hours sleep, last night Pearl slept for 10 hours straight. Rage also seems to be reducing.

I think this nasty wave is finally passing.

 

Love and blessings for all of us here 💕 

Fluxonine April 2021 to June 2021 

Lenzo 0.5 added in June 2021

Risperidone added in July 2021

Started with 0.5 ml risperidone, dose was increased by doctor upto 4 ml till we reached November 2021

Started tapering from January 2022 and completed taper in February 2023 with the guidance of doctor 

Drug free from 14th February 2023

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  • Moderator

Hi there @PearlsMom1979!  I've been on vacation, so missed much of this, but wanted to send you some much needed hugs!  You've been on quite the rollercoaster lately!  I'm so glad to hear that the wave is passing.  I'll be thinking of you, and hoping for continued improvement.  Take care of yourself!!!

1995- 2007- On and off multiple antidepressants (Prozac, Paxil, Effexor, Wellbutrin, escitalopram). Memory poor- can’t remember dates. Always tapered fast or CT.  2007- tapered Wellbutrin, zopiclone and escitalopram over one month to get pregnant.  Withdrawal hell for many years.

2009- Daughter born 🥰 Post partum depression/psychosis- no meds taken.

2016- Back on escitalopram due to job change/anxiety

2022- Severe covid infection- Diagnosed with long covid 08/22.

2023- 01/23- Long term disability approved for long covid.  Started taper under MD advice from 20mg: 11/23- 15mg. 2024- March-10mg. Started low dose naltrexone for long covid-5mg- terrible reaction, reduced to 0.5mg.  April- 10mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 1- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 15- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  June 12- 8.5mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 8- Brassmonkey micro taper started.  8.4mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 15- 8.3mg esc, 1.5mg LDN.  July 18 8.3mg esc, 2.0mg LDN, July 22 8.2mg esc. 2.0mg LDN. July 29 8.1mg esc. 2.0mg LDN. Aug. 24- 8.0mg Esc. 2.0mg LDN.  Aug. 30 7.9mg esc.  Sept. 6 7.8mg esc.  Sept. 13 7.7mg esc. Sept 21 2.5mg LDN. Oct. 4 7.6mg esc. Oct. 11 7.5mg esc. Oct. 18 7.4mg esc. Oct. 25- 7.3mg esc.  Nov. 1- 3.0mg LDN.

 

Supplements/other meds: Vitamin D, B12, Claritin, HRT

 

PLEASE DO NOT PM ME!  PLEASE ONLY TAG ME FOR URGENT QUESTIONS!  Thank you!

 

I am not a doctor.  I don't even play one on TV.  This is not medical advice, but based on personal experience.  Please consult a medical professional.

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@Catwoman73, it's nice to hear from you, hope the vacation went well and helpful for you in healing process ☺️ 

 

Yes the rage is reducing somewhat, although not gone completely, she gets angry time to time , but not like entire day , hopefully it will reduce further.

 

Lots of love and blessings for you and our other friends here 💕 

Fluxonine April 2021 to June 2021 

Lenzo 0.5 added in June 2021

Risperidone added in July 2021

Started with 0.5 ml risperidone, dose was increased by doctor upto 4 ml till we reached November 2021

Started tapering from January 2022 and completed taper in February 2023 with the guidance of doctor 

Drug free from 14th February 2023

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Friends , I think we have made a huge mistake in tapering.

 

I dont get much time to read through all sections of SA as I am always taking care of my kids, household and making sure of Pearl's needs etc. I have read some sections here and there but cannot say I am a regular reader. There would be lots and lots of sections of SA which I have not even seen till date despite being here for last 1 year.

 

When we came to SA, we were already 4 months of zero drug.

 

I just discovered one section today. It's titled something like why should we never taper by skipping our doses.

 

We have done this unfortunately as per our doctor advice. He made us skip one day per week per month. So means first month we skipped Monday dose. Next month we skipped Friday dose like that.

It took us overall 14 months roughly to come to zero.

 

The doctor said this is the most comfortable approach as per his experience and we had no knowledge at that time so naturally followed his instructions.

 

He says whosoever wants to taper he suggests this to his patients.

 

Have we done the biggest blunder, worse than a cold turkey?

 

Is this the reason Pearl is having such a messed up withdrawal, boiling rage and almost no logical thinking left in her?

 

Please help, I am panicking even more now.

Fluxonine April 2021 to June 2021 

Lenzo 0.5 added in June 2021

Risperidone added in July 2021

Started with 0.5 ml risperidone, dose was increased by doctor upto 4 ml till we reached November 2021

Started tapering from January 2022 and completed taper in February 2023 with the guidance of doctor 

Drug free from 14th February 2023

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Also that post by Alto said if we skip doses we should not come back here to SA.

 

Does it mean we will be banned now from SA?

 

We have done this under doctor's instructions and much before joining SA.

 

We had clearly no idea it will be dangerous to do it.

 

What is our status in SA forum now?

 

 

Fluxonine April 2021 to June 2021 

Lenzo 0.5 added in June 2021

Risperidone added in July 2021

Started with 0.5 ml risperidone, dose was increased by doctor upto 4 ml till we reached November 2021

Started tapering from January 2022 and completed taper in February 2023 with the guidance of doctor 

Drug free from 14th February 2023

Link to comment

Don't panic @PearlsMom1979!

 

Your status SA doesn't change. Nobody is getting banned for dose skipping.

A LOT of us tapered by skipping dose in the past because our doctors told us that it's how it's done.

I did it too.

 

Experience has shown that it's not a good way to taper since it can cause instability and it fails at avoiding withdrawal.

 

That being said, what Pearl is experiencing is withdrawal. That doesn't change.

The only path is healing now.

 

I don't know in what thread Alto said that, but I'd bet it's meant for anyone who would tell people to skip dose to taper in here.

Not for people who did it by their doctor instruction.

Supplements: Vit D3, Fish oil, Magnesium bisglycenate 200mg (when needed), Melatonin 1.25mg (when needed), Camomile tea (1 cup before bed), THC oil (0.03ml once a week, don't do this to yourself), Vit C 500mg a day
Started effexor in 2011.

Stopped effexor in 2012 (fast tamper).

Got back on effexor in 2012.

Tried stopping effexor again in 2014 (I'm not sure?), fast tamper again.

Started effexor again in 2014.

Switched to Escitalopram in 2016 I believe

Stopped Escitalopram 10mg cold turkey on January 3 2024.

Reinstated Escitalopram 5mg on april 2 2024.

Down to 1mg on april 3 2024, 1.25mg on april 11 2024

 

 

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@Tweed9674 thanks a ton for your kind response, I was so worried about rules and regulations of SA in addition to the impact skipping might have had on Pearl.

 

My poor child, one damage done by drugs and another by wrong method of tapering. No wonder she is having such extreme emotional symptoms.

 

I don't know how to link or tag posts in my response, otherwise I would have done it here.

 

Thank you so much for always being a support.

 

Praying for a speedy healing for you and all of us here, love and blessings ❤️ 

Fluxonine April 2021 to June 2021 

Lenzo 0.5 added in June 2021

Risperidone added in July 2021

Started with 0.5 ml risperidone, dose was increased by doctor upto 4 ml till we reached November 2021

Started tapering from January 2022 and completed taper in February 2023 with the guidance of doctor 

Drug free from 14th February 2023

Link to comment

Hey, don't worry indeed about the membership in the forum, I also understand the "don't skip doses" more like an advice "don't look for help here if you insist on doing it". I did it myself before with Abilify, not a good idea, but also attempt to reduce the dose myself (after the first CT attempt to stop it with doctor's advice this was the best idea we could come up with my husband and it proved better than CT definitely). I don't know if skipping doses specifically made me more unstable than the drugs or my initial problems. In any case, it's in the past for you too. I'm sure it's easier for me to forgive myself a mistake than it is for a parent.. :(

 

As for my diagnosis - I got schizo-effective indeed, which makes a lot of sense given the instability that I still have and the acute psychosis I was in at that time. I'm trying to perceive it as a guidance what to do to help myself stay stable rather than a thing to "cure" anymore.. The fact that Pearl is a teenager makes it naturally harder for her to stay stable, yet also gives a chance for better recovery, I believe. Still, I can only imagine what is it for you taking care for all the household and her emotional outbursts.

Ideally she should get more involved in the process of expressing her emotions and needs verbally and finding her own coping mechanisms. Physical activity is a great advice! It's the natural way our body processes stress hormones. Any form that let's her release energy without harming others would be good, I believe, be it sports, gardening, playing with a pet, tidying up corners of the house.. At my lowest points I found myself hitting the desk in the kitchen while trying to prepare breakfast. Somebody else mentioned hitting pillows instead, it's indeed relieving - I do it when making up my bed in the morning. In general cleaning and tidying up is super calming for me. It feels like I can direct my negative emotions towards the dirt. :)

In the end of 2015, got into a few days of psychosis and got an outpatient appointment with a psychiatrist, a diagnosis of schizo-affective disorder and a 2 month treatment with Risperidone. At the current point in time, my doctor is not convinced anymore in the diagnosis, rather points out depression and anxiety as my main condition, but I'm still taking Abilify as prevention therapy.

  • 2016 - 7.5 mg Abilify; 2017 - 2018 - 2 mg; April 2019 - May 2020 - 5 mg; June - December 2020 - 4.5 - 2.3 mg (-10% / month)

-> early 2021 - upped a little bit because of a depressive episode and insomnia

  • March 2021 to Jan 2022 - down to 0.7 mg

-> Feb 2023 - another depression+insomnia episode, so up again; added vit. B3, melatonin, L-tryptophan and split the Abilify dose in two

  • May 2022 to Nov 2022 - 2 mg down to 0.75 mg

-> middle of January 2023 - insomnia kicked in, some derealizations too; so up to:

  • Jan-April - 1 mg Abilify up to 1.5 mg; added Quetiapin 6 mg for a month, then down to 0 mg
  • 2024: dropped gradually Abilify to 0.5 mg and further down to 0.3 mg

Current: 0 mg Abilify since 8th of July 🥳 Holding the situation with aminoacids (tyrosine, tryptophan), Omega-3, Gingko biloba, occasional magnesium, calming herbs and CBD. Getting agitated, 2-3 nights of reduced sleep or depressed at certain phases of my period, overall improved mood and motivation is coming back. Appetite has reduced dramatically, weight is also slowly going down and energy levels - up. I can sweat again!

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@Nocturnathank you so much for your kind words.

Except when waves like the recent one hit, Pearl seems relaxed most of the time. In between she gets moments of anger but these are short lived.

The recent wave of last week was the worst in sometime.

 

When she is in windows, she is mostly watching videos, playing video games, watching songs, singing along , dancing,  reading , writing or sleeping. 

 

She gets agitated a bit when a wave is approaching and then again when it passes, she is back to the usual stuff.

 

In our case her hormonal disturbance was treated with antidepressants and it made her crying spells blow out of proportion. Antidepressants caused her behaviour to change, she got confused and restless, crying stopped and then came back in higher intensity, and so antipsychotics were introduced.

We were never given any clear diagnosis and till date I am not very sure what exactly was wrong with her. I just know one thing for sure that her vitamin D level had reduced to almost negligible.

We were told to continue on medicines for 3 months to observe and were assured she will be "cured" in 3 months. Anyways it all seems a clever trap now. They knew very well that she will develop a dependency in 3 months and that is exactly what had happened.

 

The boiling rage which she gets time to time, is it a sign of psychosis? Is the psychosis even an actual thing or another fake theory or label by Pharma?

 

I feel I cannot trust another doctor again no matter what.

 

Fluxonine April 2021 to June 2021 

Lenzo 0.5 added in June 2021

Risperidone added in July 2021

Started with 0.5 ml risperidone, dose was increased by doctor upto 4 ml till we reached November 2021

Started tapering from January 2022 and completed taper in February 2023 with the guidance of doctor 

Drug free from 14th February 2023

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  • Moderator

Oh my goodness, @PearlsMom1979... please don't worry about that!  I've skipped doses plenty of times to taper, all under the advice of my clueless doctor.  Many people find their way here after making medically guided mistakes in tapering.  We make the best decisions that we can, in the moment, with the information we had at hand.  I certainly never would have skipped doses if I had known better, but all I knew back then was that we should trust our medical professionals!  I have no doubt if you had known better, you would have made different decisions for Pearl too.  You're a good mom, and you are doing a wonderful job supporting Pearl through this difficult time.  Please don't beat yourself up over a decision made in the past- all we can do is move forward. ❤️

1995- 2007- On and off multiple antidepressants (Prozac, Paxil, Effexor, Wellbutrin, escitalopram). Memory poor- can’t remember dates. Always tapered fast or CT.  2007- tapered Wellbutrin, zopiclone and escitalopram over one month to get pregnant.  Withdrawal hell for many years.

2009- Daughter born 🥰 Post partum depression/psychosis- no meds taken.

2016- Back on escitalopram due to job change/anxiety

2022- Severe covid infection- Diagnosed with long covid 08/22.

2023- 01/23- Long term disability approved for long covid.  Started taper under MD advice from 20mg: 11/23- 15mg. 2024- March-10mg. Started low dose naltrexone for long covid-5mg- terrible reaction, reduced to 0.5mg.  April- 10mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 1- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 15- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  June 12- 8.5mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 8- Brassmonkey micro taper started.  8.4mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 15- 8.3mg esc, 1.5mg LDN.  July 18 8.3mg esc, 2.0mg LDN, July 22 8.2mg esc. 2.0mg LDN. July 29 8.1mg esc. 2.0mg LDN. Aug. 24- 8.0mg Esc. 2.0mg LDN.  Aug. 30 7.9mg esc.  Sept. 6 7.8mg esc.  Sept. 13 7.7mg esc. Sept 21 2.5mg LDN. Oct. 4 7.6mg esc. Oct. 11 7.5mg esc. Oct. 18 7.4mg esc. Oct. 25- 7.3mg esc.  Nov. 1- 3.0mg LDN.

 

Supplements/other meds: Vitamin D, B12, Claritin, HRT

 

PLEASE DO NOT PM ME!  PLEASE ONLY TAG ME FOR URGENT QUESTIONS!  Thank you!

 

I am not a doctor.  I don't even play one on TV.  This is not medical advice, but based on personal experience.  Please consult a medical professional.

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@Catwoman73 That's so reassuring to know, thank you so much. 

 

You, Nocturna , Tweed9674, doctorscarp, believer, all of you and other friends here are incredibly kind and wonderful people 💖 

 

Thank you so much again, for always being here to support and encourage, love and blessings ❤️ 

Fluxonine April 2021 to June 2021 

Lenzo 0.5 added in June 2021

Risperidone added in July 2021

Started with 0.5 ml risperidone, dose was increased by doctor upto 4 ml till we reached November 2021

Started tapering from January 2022 and completed taper in February 2023 with the guidance of doctor 

Drug free from 14th February 2023

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  • Mentor
Posted (edited)

@PearlsMom1979 You did what a trusted doctor advised you to do. Most of here did the same thing. You are a fantastic Mom, keep doing what you are currently doing, which is your loving best.  As for being kicked off site, there is a warning system in place. I post it here with the hope that you will no longer feel like you will just be kicked out.  It takes 4 warnings to get banned. None of us want even one warning, but it is good to know the rules.  xoxo

 

 

The warning system
This site is equipped with a warning system for use by the moderators. (In your Profile area, you can see your warning points. Only you and the mods can see this.)

 

The mods may or may not give you a verbal warning first without a warning point. If you go ahead and do the thing you've been warned about, you'll get a warning point, up to 4 warning points.

If you get 4 warning points, you will be banned automatically.

 

 

Edited by RachelSusan
to include link

 

I am not a health professional in any way.  I do not give medical advice.   Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a professional medical practitioner.

 

NEW INFORMATION FOR GABAPENTIN TAPER

April 29, 2022 900 mg to 800 mg (11%), May 29, 2022 800 to 700 mg (12.5%), June 20, 2022 700 to 650mg (8%), July 20, 2022 650 to 575 (12%), August 20,  575 to 500 (13%),  Sept 20, 2020 500 to 475mg (5%) Nov 7, 2022 475 to 425 (11%), Nov 21, 2022 500mg

Medications: Gabapentin,  Cortisol Inhaler daily. 

HISTORY FOR ZOLOFT TAPER

Feb. 2016 to June 2016  - Was on 150mg Zoloft.  Put on Gabapentin at 900mg a day in 2016 due to antidepressant withdrawal. 

Quit Zoloft (Sertraline) June  2016,  reinstated 50mg of Zoloft July 2016.  From July 2016  to October 2016 went from 50 mg down 2.3 mg. I up-dosed in November 2016 to 12.5 mg. Held there until January 2017 when I started a much slower taper.

STARTING SENSIBLE  ZOLOFT TAPERING USING GUIDELINES FROM THIS SITE

Dec. 10 2016  - switched to Liquid Zoloft (Sertraline) @ 12.5 mg.   Jan. 4, 2020 1.875 mg (6.3%). Jan. 25, 2020 1.75 mgFeb. 29, 2020 1.625mg (7.10%).  Apr. 4, 2020 1.5 mg.  May 9, 2020 1.375 mg.  June 6, 2020 1.25 mg. (9.10%).  July 4, 2020 1.125 mg. (10%).  August 15, 2020 1.0 mg.  Oct 24, 2020 .875 mg.  Nov. 28, 2020 .75mgJan 16, 2021 .685mg (8.7%).  Feb 13, 2021 .62mg. March 12, 2021 .56mg.  May 1, 2021 .375mg.  May 29, 2021 .25mg. June 26, 2021 .0125mg. July 25, 2021 .065mg. August 22, 2021 .048mg.  October 2, 2021 .043mg.  October 10, 2021 .038mg.  October 23, 2021 .035mg.  October 30, 2021 .032mg.  Nov. 13, 2021 .030 mg.  Dec 4, 2021 .0285 mg.  Dec 11, 2021 .0265 mg. Dec 18, 2021 .0246 mg. Dec 25, 2021 .023mg. Jan 1, 2022. 0 mg. OFF COMPLETELY

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@RachelSusan thank you so much for your kind words and sharing the details, I will go through it in detail.

Fluxonine April 2021 to June 2021 

Lenzo 0.5 added in June 2021

Risperidone added in July 2021

Started with 0.5 ml risperidone, dose was increased by doctor upto 4 ml till we reached November 2021

Started tapering from January 2022 and completed taper in February 2023 with the guidance of doctor 

Drug free from 14th February 2023

Link to comment

I also add up to the thoughts that you're a wonderful mom and doing the best things you possibly can!

 

Rage is not part of psychosis, as far as I know. Psychosis is an "umbrella term" for positive and negative symptoms. Positive = seeing, hearing or thinking more than what is there, like hallucinations or delusions. Hallucinations would be e.g. seeing a ghost or hearing a voice that tells you to jump of the balcony. Delusions are false beliefs that contradict with what others think or know, e.g. that you're the ancestor of a great family or followed by the police. This is again just an attempt to classify the usual beliefs people get when they're out of sync with reality. In my case I had the delusion that my parents have died when I visited them for the holidays, but as an afterthought that was mostly the result of months of ruined sleep with a physical explanation and me being very afraid of my father in law and the way he was ruling my boyfriend's life when I moved in with him. To some extent being afraid that I won't have place to run away even could make sense in a very troubled mind..

 

So in short, if Pearl didn't have any such symptoms, then I think she hadn't had psychosis. And the story shared above - antidepressants leading to agitation, then treated with antipsychotics, apparently is common in very healthy people. I don't think most doctors do it on purpose, rather are very cautious about leaving someone agitated or in psychosis without medication. From what I read, you have a very supportive family and Pearl has very good chances of getting better with time. She needs to find her ways to cope without hurting you and her siblings though - I hope she can understand herself that she's going through a hard time and needs to be patient and persistent. Of course for teenagers it's harder, but I'm sure she can do it! 🤞

In the end of 2015, got into a few days of psychosis and got an outpatient appointment with a psychiatrist, a diagnosis of schizo-affective disorder and a 2 month treatment with Risperidone. At the current point in time, my doctor is not convinced anymore in the diagnosis, rather points out depression and anxiety as my main condition, but I'm still taking Abilify as prevention therapy.

  • 2016 - 7.5 mg Abilify; 2017 - 2018 - 2 mg; April 2019 - May 2020 - 5 mg; June - December 2020 - 4.5 - 2.3 mg (-10% / month)

-> early 2021 - upped a little bit because of a depressive episode and insomnia

  • March 2021 to Jan 2022 - down to 0.7 mg

-> Feb 2023 - another depression+insomnia episode, so up again; added vit. B3, melatonin, L-tryptophan and split the Abilify dose in two

  • May 2022 to Nov 2022 - 2 mg down to 0.75 mg

-> middle of January 2023 - insomnia kicked in, some derealizations too; so up to:

  • Jan-April - 1 mg Abilify up to 1.5 mg; added Quetiapin 6 mg for a month, then down to 0 mg
  • 2024: dropped gradually Abilify to 0.5 mg and further down to 0.3 mg

Current: 0 mg Abilify since 8th of July 🥳 Holding the situation with aminoacids (tyrosine, tryptophan), Omega-3, Gingko biloba, occasional magnesium, calming herbs and CBD. Getting agitated, 2-3 nights of reduced sleep or depressed at certain phases of my period, overall improved mood and motivation is coming back. Appetite has reduced dramatically, weight is also slowly going down and energy levels - up. I can sweat again!

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@Nocturna Thank you so much for explaining it all in such a great detail.

 

No Pearl did not have any such delusions or hallucinations ever.

 

In your case also I feel it was the situation and lack of sleep which caused such symptoms as you have rightly observed.  Insecurities make us assume or imagine the worst and this is all part of human behaviour under circumstances and not any disease.

 

I am not very good in understanding it and expressing it, but what I feel Pearl experienced was more of a confusion after immediate loss of her memory and cognition due to drugs. 

 

Thinking back now, it could be an adverse reaction also to antipsychotics. That is why maybe so much of logical thinking and brain power has been destroyed.

 

She was thoroughly confused as she was just a kid at that time. Being merely of 10 plus years and going through all this scared her to the core.

 

She is slowing getting her memories back but is still a long way from recovery.

 

Her cognition is better than last year but not completely normal.

 

Coping skills she is still not able to learn. When rage comes , she loses all control or sense as to what she is doing. I will try to work more in that direction.

 

God bless you and all other friends for providing such support , without this site and all this support, I don't know how would I have managed it ❤️ 

 

Fluxonine April 2021 to June 2021 

Lenzo 0.5 added in June 2021

Risperidone added in July 2021

Started with 0.5 ml risperidone, dose was increased by doctor upto 4 ml till we reached November 2021

Started tapering from January 2022 and completed taper in February 2023 with the guidance of doctor 

Drug free from 14th February 2023

Link to comment

Update on myself:

 

I feel I have started developing anxiety now.

 

I feel this rage will never end.

 

Out of all the symptoms, rage and cog decline or brain fog, memory loss, seem to take longest time in as many limited number of posts I have read.

 

Unfortunately we have all these.

 

I don't know when she will recover and by then in what state I will be.

 

Day in and day out, 24 hours , 7 days, I am scared now. Worried about next outburst, hurling and breaking stuff, scaring other younger kids and screaming at the top of the voice.

 

Worried neighbours will complain.

 

I know it's not her fault at all and I have never even indicated or suggested it that way ever, but the wave of last week has done some serious damage to my well being. Don't know for how long I can continue like this.

 

I am just venting and recording it all as my entry.

 

All of you lovely people here have your own fights going on, so please don't think I am trying to burden you with all this.

I have no other place to share how I am feeling.

Love and blessings ❤️ 

 

 

Fluxonine April 2021 to June 2021 

Lenzo 0.5 added in June 2021

Risperidone added in July 2021

Started with 0.5 ml risperidone, dose was increased by doctor upto 4 ml till we reached November 2021

Started tapering from January 2022 and completed taper in February 2023 with the guidance of doctor 

Drug free from 14th February 2023

Link to comment
  • Mentor

@PearlsMom1979  Hello, your fears are real and I feel for you. The neighbors could get mad and complain.  You have developed anxiety and it must be horrible for you.  You don't get any relief. Of course you are concerned where Pearl will end up cognitively. What parent wouldn't worry themselves sick? But being the Mom that you are I know you will continue on, you will put one foot in front of the other and keep marching forward.  I wish you had some relief, I wish you had a helper, I wish you weren't anxious, I wish the neighbors would knock on your door and say, "sounds like you are going through hard times but don't worry we support you."  I wish so many things for you. Most importantly I hope Pearl recovers and is the wonderful girl you know is inside of her. Hang in there PearlsMom. Hang in there.

 

I am not a health professional in any way.  I do not give medical advice.   Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a professional medical practitioner.

 

NEW INFORMATION FOR GABAPENTIN TAPER

April 29, 2022 900 mg to 800 mg (11%), May 29, 2022 800 to 700 mg (12.5%), June 20, 2022 700 to 650mg (8%), July 20, 2022 650 to 575 (12%), August 20,  575 to 500 (13%),  Sept 20, 2020 500 to 475mg (5%) Nov 7, 2022 475 to 425 (11%), Nov 21, 2022 500mg

Medications: Gabapentin,  Cortisol Inhaler daily. 

HISTORY FOR ZOLOFT TAPER

Feb. 2016 to June 2016  - Was on 150mg Zoloft.  Put on Gabapentin at 900mg a day in 2016 due to antidepressant withdrawal. 

Quit Zoloft (Sertraline) June  2016,  reinstated 50mg of Zoloft July 2016.  From July 2016  to October 2016 went from 50 mg down 2.3 mg. I up-dosed in November 2016 to 12.5 mg. Held there until January 2017 when I started a much slower taper.

STARTING SENSIBLE  ZOLOFT TAPERING USING GUIDELINES FROM THIS SITE

Dec. 10 2016  - switched to Liquid Zoloft (Sertraline) @ 12.5 mg.   Jan. 4, 2020 1.875 mg (6.3%). Jan. 25, 2020 1.75 mgFeb. 29, 2020 1.625mg (7.10%).  Apr. 4, 2020 1.5 mg.  May 9, 2020 1.375 mg.  June 6, 2020 1.25 mg. (9.10%).  July 4, 2020 1.125 mg. (10%).  August 15, 2020 1.0 mg.  Oct 24, 2020 .875 mg.  Nov. 28, 2020 .75mgJan 16, 2021 .685mg (8.7%).  Feb 13, 2021 .62mg. March 12, 2021 .56mg.  May 1, 2021 .375mg.  May 29, 2021 .25mg. June 26, 2021 .0125mg. July 25, 2021 .065mg. August 22, 2021 .048mg.  October 2, 2021 .043mg.  October 10, 2021 .038mg.  October 23, 2021 .035mg.  October 30, 2021 .032mg.  Nov. 13, 2021 .030 mg.  Dec 4, 2021 .0285 mg.  Dec 11, 2021 .0265 mg. Dec 18, 2021 .0246 mg. Dec 25, 2021 .023mg. Jan 1, 2022. 0 mg. OFF COMPLETELY

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  • Moderator

Oh no, I'm so sorry, @PearlsMom1979!  I can't even imagine what you're going through.  Are you doing anything to take care of yourself?  Do you have any respite care from family/friends/spouse so you can get away?

 

I'll never forget when I had post partum psychosis- I was constantly being told to put my daughter down when I needed a break.  She can scream and scream, as long as she's safe.  It's harder with older children, as they are much more likely to engage in self harm, or in your case, destructive behaviours.  I really wish I could do something more to help.  But I do hear you.  Sending you huge hugs! 

 

1995- 2007- On and off multiple antidepressants (Prozac, Paxil, Effexor, Wellbutrin, escitalopram). Memory poor- can’t remember dates. Always tapered fast or CT.  2007- tapered Wellbutrin, zopiclone and escitalopram over one month to get pregnant.  Withdrawal hell for many years.

2009- Daughter born 🥰 Post partum depression/psychosis- no meds taken.

2016- Back on escitalopram due to job change/anxiety

2022- Severe covid infection- Diagnosed with long covid 08/22.

2023- 01/23- Long term disability approved for long covid.  Started taper under MD advice from 20mg: 11/23- 15mg. 2024- March-10mg. Started low dose naltrexone for long covid-5mg- terrible reaction, reduced to 0.5mg.  April- 10mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 1- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 15- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  June 12- 8.5mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 8- Brassmonkey micro taper started.  8.4mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 15- 8.3mg esc, 1.5mg LDN.  July 18 8.3mg esc, 2.0mg LDN, July 22 8.2mg esc. 2.0mg LDN. July 29 8.1mg esc. 2.0mg LDN. Aug. 24- 8.0mg Esc. 2.0mg LDN.  Aug. 30 7.9mg esc.  Sept. 6 7.8mg esc.  Sept. 13 7.7mg esc. Sept 21 2.5mg LDN. Oct. 4 7.6mg esc. Oct. 11 7.5mg esc. Oct. 18 7.4mg esc. Oct. 25- 7.3mg esc.  Nov. 1- 3.0mg LDN.

 

Supplements/other meds: Vitamin D, B12, Claritin, HRT

 

PLEASE DO NOT PM ME!  PLEASE ONLY TAG ME FOR URGENT QUESTIONS!  Thank you!

 

I am not a doctor.  I don't even play one on TV.  This is not medical advice, but based on personal experience.  Please consult a medical professional.

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