Namiya: Venlafaxine poisoned me

[Namiya]

Hi everyone. I was put on citalopram when I was only 15 because of anxiety and depression, been on antidepressants for over 20 years. They put me on Venlafaxine for no good reason( can't remember details of my drug use).

I started getting weird symptoms in the years that followed, it started with migraines. Noone made a connection, that it could be sideeffects. I always thought I was just a sickly person. The migraines where so bad and random I couldn't get a job, been in wellfare all my life since school. It's humiliating.

At 2021 the symptoms got so bad I really couldn't function anymore, problems with my vision and hearing. Weird pains and other random symptoms. Mood kept getting worse too. They had tests done in the hospital and couldn't find anything wrong with me. Having this invisible sickness made my anxiety spiral out of control. Doctor said its just stress, its all in my head...

I was the one that figured out that my venlafaxine was poisoning me, and it wasn't working anymore either. So I started to taper, an the last 2 years have been really hard.

Halfway I started to wake up and feel things again, I became more alert. I became more cheerful and social. Everyone said I was a nicer and better person. Besides the withdrawal symptoms I felt pretty decent and hopeful.

I did not have any support while tapering, only a facebook supportgroup.

I held for a while by the end of last years because I was not feeling any better. And I got worried, because I coud not tell the difference between sideeffects or withdrawals. They are very much alike.  All I know that since I got to under about 20mg Venlafaxine my mood kept being low. At first it would get low for a few days and bounce back, now it just stays kind of low.

I am taking vitamine supplements, omega3, D3 and sometimes magnesium clyginate.

I also developped histamine intolerance since right before I started tapering because of these drugs, so I sort of had to alter my diet and avoid tasty things like cheese and cherries.

Since april 2023 I am Venlafaxine free! The good news is 90% of the mysterious symptoms I was having are gone, those where definately a sideeffect! Also I am very emotional which is annoying but a good sign, because I am feeling things again.

The bad news is my mood and anxiety, especially around my period. It's so bad I feel like I need proffesional help. I am stuck, I am not feeling okay at all. I came so far by myself and was so proud of it, now I am not sure I can hold on with out intervention.

Also I seem to have a serious problem with my period. I don't just have pms, but my mood goes way down, anxiety increases and withdrawals get worse or come back. Then it takes a while to finally feel a little better, which lasts for a week or so and then my period comes again and it starts all over again! During that one week my mood its OKAY, so that's interesting.

I asume its still withdrawal because I occasionaly get physical symptoms like pain and dizzyness. Also there are improvements since I got to 0% during the last 3 months; no more brainzaps, derealisation(never had this before tapering btw), less dizzyness etc. So it is not going downhill.

So what should I do? Try and hang in there because 3 months is still kind of a short time and it will definately get better SOON? Like, can someone promise me this? Knowing I was on these antidepressants for 20 years straight and it might have fried my brain?

Or should I try a very low dose of Prozac to help me get over the last bit? I have some people advicing me to try prozac, but I am hesistant. Because of sideeffects, and a fear I might actually feel even worse when I take them. I read it actually triggered someones depression. I will feel like a failure if I have to rely on these nasty kind of drugs again but I am sick of feeling so down all the time.

I know about bridging, and didn't do it because my facebook supportgroup advices against it. Thats why I am here, because I am considering the prozac and they will maybe ban me if I talk about it there. Also they will ask how fast I tapered, and I tapered slightly too fast for their liking(I had to because of the sideeffects tho).

Sorry for the long story, but a lot has happened.

Edited July 13, 2023 by manymoretodays
name to topic title

[Namiya]

Hi everyone. I was put on antidepressants(citalopram) when I was only 15 because of anxiety and depression. A few things went wrong in my childhood causing these things and traumas. With therapy I managed to deal with most traumas and I stabilised. In my twenties I was put on Venlafaxine for no good reason, or not one that I can remember anyway.

I remember always being sickly, but it got worse over time. Weird symptoms kept adding up, and I asumed it was because I was just sickly and getting older. I started getting migraines. These where so random and bad that it was one of the reasons I never got a job. Been in welfare all my life, its humiliating.

Around 2021 symptoms got so bad I went to the hospital to have myself checked out. So dizzy I had trouble walking a straight line, pressure in ears head and throat, visual snow. Emotionally things got worse, and I developed some sort of PMDD(never officially diagnosed). PMS got so bad I requested the be put back on the pill after being off for over a decade. I took in only twice, each time I got weirdly sick in my stomach and my left arm started feeling weird or tingling. The spiral didn't help either and after a week I felt so bad with that thing I begged for the nurse to pull it out.

Maybe the mix of Venlafaxine and hormones where too much for me.

After having all the tests done in the hospital they couldn't find anything ofcourse. They told me to prepare living with mysterious invisible illness, or whatever it is. I was the one who discovered it was most likely the Venlafaxine making me sick. It had been since the beginning, with migraines starting around the time I started these drugs.

I now developed a whole list of sideeffects I realized I had to stop taking this poison. So I started tapering.

Thankfully there was a suportgroup on facebook that I joined just in time. If it wasn't for Sherry and the group I would have tapered even faster than I did, and I am not sure where I would be. I am so incredibly grateful.

Thankfully I did not have a job when I tapered so that saved me some stress. As I got lower I started waking up, started to feel things again. People told me I was more fun to be around, less selfish. I got angry with whoever it was that decided to give me this poison, I was grieving. For 20 years I was asleep, watching life pass me by. I didn't care enough to make friends, start a carreer or start a family. And the sideeffects kept me from doing those things too. Almost 40 years old and I have nothing, not knowing where to start to rebuild life either.

I tapered a bit faster than what the supportgroup adviced, and also at times proceeded to go lower even tho I was still having withdrawals.

It is very hard to tell the difference from withdrawals and sideeffects, so at times I had to sort of guess.

The last time I felt emotionally on top of the world was when I was on around 20mg. I asumed the sideeffects made me feel down, because after holding for a fews months I didnt really start to feel better anymore.

Then I decided to pull of the bandaid and went from 10 to 0 in 2 months. I did not expect what happened next, if I had known I would have never done this. I thought I would be sick for a month or so, but did not think I would get so bad emotionally and mentally.

I would end up laying on the couch a lot during the day, depressive episodes.

The freaky thing is the first 2 months or so I could not trigger any anxiety. I still had some on 5mg, my lowest dose, and at 0 suddenly it vanished.

Now at 4 months sober brainzaps have gone away, derealisation and some other minor things. So my brain is doing some healing. But I was mentally unwell constantly feeling down, so I started to consider profesional help.

I forgot to mention I did this tapering by myself without help from doctors or psychiatrists. Just me, a facebook supportgroup and some family.

Two weeks ago, which is also when I started looking for profesional help, I started having additional problems. Since then things got downhill really fast.

I randomly started having trouble breathing, probably hyperventilating. It was the last days of my period so I knew I was going to struggle a bit again with increased anxiety and feeling down. With me it gets worse after my period, not before for some reason.

This hyperventilation triggered something because its been 2 weeks, and I am still having trouble breathing. At times this lasts al days long. I went to the doctor, he couldnt find anything ofcourse, except rapid heartbeat.

I wake up not being able to breathe at times, in my dream I will actually start to choke, forcing me to wake up. During my PMS I also usually get that my esophagus seems to thighten up anyways.

During the week I got dizzy more often and almost passed out trying to get up the stairs.

I am hyperfocusing on my breathing. Maybe some weird withdrawal where I get obsessive tendencies and all I can focus on is the breathing, for hours and hours straight. (remember I don't have a job so no distractions)

I tried breathing exercises, and they didn't work. A few moments when I really tried to relax my throat opened up for a moment.

Maybe it was the stress, but I started getting trouble eating and even drinking. Like there was a blockage. Eventually my stomach locked up for 20hours straight, belching and feeling miserable. Often after eating my stomach would get upset.

So I am going down the list of what could be wrong with me, stomach problems, angina, lungproblems.

 

Wednesday was the worst day, I ended up at the ER. It started out sort of okay, and I went for a walk for distraction and exercise with my cousin. Already was tense and stomach acting up. Suddenly I start to feel sick, like intensely sick in my stomach, can't describe it, never had anything like it before. Left arm started to tingle and felt numb. Cousin felt arm it was freezing cold, the other one was fine. When I had finally convinced myself that morning it was probably only stomach issues, I suddenly knew it was my heart.

Went to the doc, where I felt like passing out. A weird exhaustion I had never felt before. Had trouble speaking because no energy and air. It was incredibly frightening. The doctor measured oxygen in blood and it was only 83%, so he got another device because he thought the first one was broken. He then send me to ER. There the oxygen level was okay, I did feel a little better when I got there but my legs wouldn't stop spasming from anxiety. Tests all came back okay and I was send home. They told me to get professional help.

My doc and I discussed reinstating to a small dose, but I really don't want to. It would undo the hard work and suffering from past half years. I dont want to take the poison again. My family also doesn't want me to, even tho they see me suffer. They know how bad these drugs have ben for me. But the continuous anxiety the last few weeks and depressions that keep lingering are becoming unbearable. How much longer will this last? Is my brain fried from being on these drugs for 20 years? Should I hang in there hoping the worst is over? I got CBD oil for the first time in my life, started with it yesterday but still having panic attacks. Woke up with one this morning even tho I took some before going to sleep. Maybe it needs more time to kick in.

 

I guess I am hoping to get some answers on these next questions, understanding what happened to me last week would make me feel so much better.

- Can extreme anxiety/stress/withdrawal cause your esophagus to physically close up, lasting entire days, even when sleeping? Causing this to make you even more anxious? Which puts you in a circle of continuous breathing trouble and panic attacks? Traumatised from not being able to breathe. Any way to open it up beside breathing exercies and distraction?

- Can a panic attack feel different when you are no longer taking meds? The one I had in the woods was so intense, mostly physical. When I had panic attacks before it would feel like I would lose my mind but not so physically intense. Is this how bad the attacks are for normal people who are experiencing them 'unfiltered'? Its just a theory, because I told my doc, I know what a panic attack feels like, and this felt different.

- Also, after reading this ridiculously long story, would you suggest I reinstate a few mg? I asume these are definitely withdrawals, not a relapse because of how intense this is. Should I try and hang in there and see what CBD oil does first and try Venla later?

 

So ehm, the good news is that my migraines are mostly gone since tapering!

[Namiya]

 

Hi everyone, Ive been trying to post a few times but it doesn't seem to come trough. Mods, please let me know what in this text is innapropiate so I can fix it, because I came here for help.

I was put on antidepressants(citalopram) when I was only 15 because of anxiety and depression. A few things went wrong in my childhood causing these things and traumas. With therapy I managed to deal with most traumas and I stabilised. In my twenties I was put on Venlafaxine for no good reason, or not one that I can remember anyway.

I remember always being sickly, but it got worse over time. Weird symptoms kept adding up, and I asumed it was because I was just sickly and getting older. I started getting migraines. These where so random and bad that it was one of the reasons I never got a job. Been in welfare all my life, its humiliating.

Around 2021 symptoms got so bad I went to the hospital to have myself checked out. So dizzy I had trouble walking a straight line, pressure in ears head and throat, visual snow. Emotionally things got worse, and I developed some sort of PMDD(never officially diagnosed). PMS got so bad I requested the be put back on the pill after being off for over a decade. I took in only twice, each time I got weirdly sick in my stomach and my left arm started feeling weird or tingling. The spiral didn't help either and after a week I felt so bad with that thing I begged for the nurse to pull it out. I already felt much better the next day.

Maybe the mix of Venlafaxine and hormones where too much for me.

After having all the tests done in the hospital they couldn't find anything ofcourse. They told me to prepare living with mysterious invisible illness, or whatever it is. I was the one who discovered it was most likely the Venlafaxine making me sick. It had been since the beginning, with migraines starting around the time I started these drugs.

I now developed a whole list of sideeffects I realized I had to stop taking this poison. So I started tapering.

Thankfully there was a suportgroup on facebook that I joined just in time. If it wasn't for Sherry and the group I would have tapered even faster than I did, and I am not sure where I would be. I am so incredibly grateful.

Thankfully I did not have a job when I tapered so that saved me some stress. As I got lower I started waking up, started to feel things again. People told me I was more fun to be around, less selfish. I got angry with whoever it was that decided to give me this poison, I was grieving. For 20 years I was asleep, watching life pass me by. I didn't care enough to make friends, start a carreer or start a family. And the sideeffects kept me from doing those things too. Almost 40 years old and I have nothing, not knowing where to start to rebuild life either.

I tapered a bit faster than what the supportgroup adviced, and also at times proceeded to go lower even tho I was still having withdrawals.

It is very hard to tell the difference from withdrawals and sideeffects, so at times I had to sort of guess.

The last time I felt emotionally on top of the world was when I was on around 20mg. I asumed the sideeffects made me feel down, because after holding for a fews months I dint really start to feel better anymore.

Then I decided to pull of the bandaid and went from 10 to 0 in 2 months. I did not expect what happened next, if I had known I would have never done this. I thought I would be sick for a month or so, but did not think I would get so bad emotionally and mentally.

I would end up laying on the couch a lot during the day, depressive episodes.

The freaky thing is the first 2 months or so I could not trigger any anxiety. I still had some on 5mg, my lowest dose, and at 0 suddenly it vanished.

Now at 4 months sober brainzaps have gone away, derealisation and some other minor things. So my brain is doing some healing. But I was mentally unwell constantly feeling down, so I started to consider profesional help.

I forgot to mention I did this tapering by myself without help from doctors or psychiatrists. Just me, a facebook supportgroup and some family.

Two weeks ago, which is also when I started looking for profesional help, I started having additional problems. Since then things got downhill really fast.

I randomly started having trouble breathing, probably hyperventilating. It was the last days of my period so I knew I was going to struggle a bit again with increased anxiety and feeling down. With me it gets worse after my period, not before for some reason.

This trouble breathing has been going on for 2 weeks now. At times this lasts al days long. I went to the doctor, he couldnt find anything ofcourse, except rapid heartbeat.

I wake up not being able to breathe at times, in my dream I will actually start to choke, forcing me to wake up. During my PMS I also usually get that my esophagus seems to thighten up anyways.

I tried breathing exercises, and they didn't work. A few moments when I really tried to relax my throat opened up for a moment. Because of the worries I end up hyperfocusing on my breathing for hours, almost a weird neurological problem.

Maybe it was the stress, but I started getting trouble eating and even drinking. Like there was a blockage. Eventually my stomach locked up for 20hours straight, belching and feeling miserable. Often after eating my stomach would get upset.

So I am going down the list of what could be wrong with me, stomach problems, angina, allergies

Wednesday was the worst day, I ended up at the ER. It started out sort of okay, and I went for a walk for distraction and exercise with my cousin. Already was tense and stomach acting up. Suddenly I start to feel sick, like intensely sick in my stomach, can't describe it, never had anything like it before. Left arm started to tingle and felt numb. Cousin felt arm it was freezing cold, the other one was fine. When I had finally convinced myself that morning it was probably only stomach issues, I suddenly knew it was my heart.

Went to the doc, where I felt like passing out. A weird exhaustion I had never felt before. Had trouble speaking because no energy and air. It was incredibly frightening. The doctor measured oxygen in blood and it was only 83%, so he got another device because he thought the first one was broken. He then send me to ER. There the oxygen level was okay, I did feel a little better when I got there but my legs wouldn't stop spasming from anxiety. Tests all came back okay and I was send home. They told me to get professional help.

At days go by I keep getting more dizzy more often, and almost pass out trying to walk just to the kitchen. I get moments where I get confused, like I am falling away, losing speech and awareness. Confusion.

My doc and I discussed reinstating to a small dose, but I really don't want to. It would undo the hard work and suffering from past half years. I dont want to take the poison again. My family also doesn't want me to, even tho they see me suffer. They know how bad these drugs have ben for me. But the continuous anxiety the last few weeks and depressions that keep lingering are becoming unbearable. How much longer will this last? Is my brain fried from being on these drugs for 20 years? Should I hang in there hoping the worst is over? I got CBD oil for the first time in my life, started with it yesterday but still having panic attacks. Woke up with one this morning even tho I took some before going to sleep, but thats because I couldnt breathe again.

 

So what do you think is going on, just crazy withdrawals, or do any of these things sound concerning? They never checked me for allergies and I would feel better if they did some sort of angiogram or angiography. Is it stupid I keep going back to the doctors to ask for them checking these things out, or does it sound worrying too you too? I just keep fearing the worst, like unstable angina attacks. Or a bizare allergy.

Can panicattacks feel different and become hard to regocnize when you are off meds? Because they are unfiltered or something? I know what panic attacks feel like, I've had them many times before. These last few weeks symptoms are different and worry me.

So ehm, the good news is that my migraines are mostly gone! That was the one symptom that ruined my life most, and its amazing.

[Onmyway]

Hi @Namiya

all moderators are very busy and are unable to approve new posts at this time. They will get to you when they can. Please do not start any new threads - each member gets only one thread. 

OMW

[Doctorsrcrap]

Hi there. 

I'm not a mod but I would hold fire on prozac until a mod can get to you. 

I would say of you are generally seeing improvement this is a very good sign and maybe time is all you are going to need. 

Welcome to the community 

[LostInCanada]

@Namiya do not take prozac. Adding anything to the mix will just make it harder on your CNS to heal. You are definitely in withdrawal. The lower doses of these drugs affect us in a disproportionate way. That is why a hyperbolic taper is so important especially at the end. 10% reduction of the current dose is the maximum. Please be patient for a moderator to advice. It has been almost 4 months since you stopped. Reinstatement works best under 3 months but it could still possibly work. If you want to try that ask a mod how much drug they would recommend...it would be very small  and you could always stop if it didn't help or caused issues. Just be patient and don't do anything without their input. 👍

[Namiya]

Well that triple post is really awkward! I feared my posts where not coming trough, and I was kind of desperate because it took days. Can I, or a mod delete those two double ones 🥴 ?

In the back of my head I keep worrying that something worse is going on besides withdrawal so that really triggers me. If I knew for sure my body is healthy I could just kind of let these symptoms happen. So I asked for some more checkups just in case, when all is clear I can at least let that fear go.

This is just like what happened a few years ago. I went to the doctor telling him about my weird symptoms. He tells me its stress, its not really anything. Stress triggers the body to do weird things. I sat there crying, knowing something is wrong. They told me to prepare for a life with a somatic symptom disorder. It was Venlafaxine sideeffects getting worse.

Its feels kind of like that now, I keep hearing from them its stress, but deep down I keep feeling something being wrong. This is all just really complicated. Let's be honest, when youre in withdrawal something isnt really going very right in your body either.

It also angers me that when doctors see in your file that you have a history of anxiety disorder, they tend to give you that look. They wont take you so seriously.

But ofcourse, it could be nothing serious! If that is the case, these 2 last weeks have been quite humiliating with me bothering the doctors like this.

At this time they put me on Oxazepam, a type of benzo, it take the anxiety and panic attacks away but symptoms remain. Will not rely too much on those benzos because those are very heavy and addicting. Altho it is really nice to be able to sleep and not freak out so much for a while.

Doctor also tells me its impossible to be in withdrawal after 4 months, but I am too tired to argue. It's hard to convince him about the things I have learned about Venlafaxine. He kind of thinks we(us in this forum and people in my supportgroup) are all just overreacting or something. Before this started I already considered getting another doc, because I feel like hes biased toward my 'anxiety disorder'.

I will hold 0% for now, and wait until further test results.

Thank you for the support and I will keep you updated.

[LostInCanada]

How are you doing? Any changes in symptoms? Have you thought you might want to try a reinstatement?

[Onmyway]

Hi @Namiya

pls be careful with the benzo - it provides some relief but it can destabilize you further. You may consider a small reinstatement of venlafaxine but it may or may not work and is not without risks - pls have a look here: 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/7562-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-reduce-withdrawal-symptoms/

 

This may help understand why you have WD so far out.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/10914-what-is-happening-in-your-brain/

 

 

OMW

[LostInCanada]

@Namiya I agree with Onmyway about the benzo. It will prolong the healing. We have all had those same looks... Really sad when they are supposed to be the professionals. The previous posts can't be deleted but don't worry about it. Keep being kind to yourself. One day at a time.

[Namiya]

Gonna get more cardiology testing done monday, something with a exercise test. Its either withdrawal, something vascular or I am/was having serious allergic reaction(since attacks also seems to trigger with food). Its just that neither of these causes make perfect sense when looking at the symptoms, and yet it could be either. Just to let you know once more  how great my doc is, I was having reactions to food years earlier. And he never believed it could be  histamine, and never had me tested even for other allergies. Even when I sat there telling him my mouth felt numb for days after eating potato crisps. So I ordered a histamine test online for  myself. If it does end up being vascular or histamine I am going to fire that guy. At this point I am kind of angry with the whole situation, getting everyone worried like this.

Last few days I am having severe cortisol mornings, with that nasty feeling in my chest and overal sickness feeling. That is one withdrawal thing I recognize and is almost comforting. Okay, not really I hate the way those mornings feel. Havent had those for 3 months, not sure if just stress triggers them too.

I really dont want to go back on Venla because of what it did to me, gonna hold it off until cardio results for sure because I know Venla could just make it worse if I am having some condition.

Will take it really easy with the benzos, I figured they could be counterproductive especially if its withdrawal we are dealing with. Been taking only half a tablet a time, only took a few so far.

 

Got a smartwatch to keep an eye on things myself, it has a spo2(oxygen in blood) meter etc. When the doc measured 83% the week earlier I figured it might be useful just in case something happens again, and theres no doc around to measure things. But not try to focus on that thing too much. I was having another attack after doing groceries and eating, where I felt faint and more trouble breathing again. That is when i started measuring, not before, and I had 90% for a minute. So whatever it is its not just in my head. And I cant really imagine withdrawals do that to spo2? Like ones that come in attacks like that? It also happened after what I thought was a histamine neutral meal, so I am absolutely confused.

And then it just fades randomly, after a day not being able to breathe I can breathe normally, I can think clearly again and I feel like doing something fun. And then it returns and I get confused and extremely tired, so its hard to measure.

Now I have to wait until monday secretly hoping I get one of those attacks there during those tests so we can get some answers. Waiting is hard, especially when you're worried.