My Introduction and story...

[0xTMH]

Hello all... I came to this site originally to research what people have experienced on AD's and other types psych meds as it's something that's being presented / pressured for me to start as an option for what I'm going through currently. My story and how I ended up here / my current situation.

 

48y/o M...I went through a devastating break-up / end of a relationship in early March 2023. Long story short I was head over heels in love with my partner and was blindsided by the abrupt end of things. I've been through plenty of break-ups / heartbreak in the past and in hindsight used alcohol + a new relationship to get "over it". I quit using alcohol around 4 years ago and currently only use nicotine via a vape. I did not go through the normal "grieving" process as the breakup essentially triggered an existential crisis / trauma response making me realize that I've never really just been happy with myself using relationships to make myself feel "whole" as a result of childhood trauma, etc.

 

So between the loss of someone / something that was incredibly special to me ( and in hindsight inevitable due to both of our issues ) and the sobering realization of how I've been coping with my childhood trauma for so many years ( hard to face ) I fell into severe depression with severe anxiety beginning in April 2023. The worse symptom(s) is chronic insomnia, the inability to experience any joy, and severe restlessness. Obsessive thoughts, rumination, being pre-occupied with my own current state etc. you name it I've been experiencing it since March... every day 24/7. My sympathetic nervous system is basically slammed into the "on" position and it's very hard to sit still/ concentrate. Not being able to get any real restorative sleep has just led to a downward spiral in every way ( I know that if I could get some high quality sleep the anxiety and depression would be much easier to manage and resolve ). There's always been some low level anxiety and depression in my history but it was manageable and I had never taken any type of pharmaceutical for mood regulation. The only thing I'm taking now is .5mg klonopin ( going on 2+ months ) for sleep but it doesn't help all that much.

 

My family doctor started me on setraline and it took me to the darkest place I've ever been mentally / emotionally after a few weeks. I was only on it total for around 5 weeks. Several weeks ago he started me on effexor xr and I only made it two days. It made me feel really strange and after reading things here and in other places about what people go through trying to come off of it I was like no way am I taking this stuff. I'm in regular talk therapy several times a week and very slowly am starting to feel less depressed / anxious. I've also started an intake process with an actual psychiatrist which will take a few more weeks. 

 

So my question for this group is... Knowing what you know now, and understanding that everyone's story is different, if you could go back and never start any of these AD's / psych meds and try to work through things using therapy, meditation, etc. would you?

 

I'm terrified of both the short term and long term side effects + potential withdrawals. I feel like I would never forgive myself if I didn't exhaust every other option first and knowing that time can heal many wounds ( especially when combined with good therapy and lifestyle choices ). I'm not here seeking medical advice or sympathy. I really just want to hear from people who've been on these meds and have actual experience and perspective. I sincerely appreciate any thoughts that anyone would like to share. Thanks.

[Onmyway]

@0xTMH

If I knew then what I know now there is no way in hell I would even touch and of these drugs. The depths of anxiety/despair that I went to and am still thing through in withdrawal were unimaginable and indescribable.  It disrupted my life/ work/ career progression/ sense of self for 4 years now.  Sleep and physical health have also suffered tremendously.

 

You have a great opportunity to examine and reevaluate your life and history.  Feel your grief but remember that no person is perfect or a perfect fit for anybody.  It doesn't seem like it in the bath of hormones and excitement but when the waves settle you know from experience that it's going to be ok.  

 

I have learned plenty of resources in trying to get through withdrawal (the one good thing) if you'd like to know various therapies/practices etc.  I'm a huge fan of good self help books. 

 

You will be OK.  Like everything else in life this is temporary.

 

OMW

[Catina7]

18 hours ago, 0xTMH said:

So my question for this group is... Knowing what you know now, and understanding that everyone's story is different, if you could go back and never start any of these AD's / psych meds and try to work through things using therapy, meditation, etc. would you?

 

It's funny you asked this, because just this morning I was telling my husband that if I knew then what I know now I would have never, ever touched any psychiatric medications.  I've been on some form of drug for over 30 years now, and my anxiety problems have increased as a result.  They don't fix a chemical imbalance, they create one!   I've ended up on Effexor, and trying to get off this stuff has really impacted my life.  So...that's my 2 cents!  

[0xTMH]

5 hours ago, Onmyway said:

@0xTMH

If I knew then what I know now there is no way in hell I would even touch and of these drugs. The depths of anxiety/despair that I went to and am still thing through in withdrawal were unimaginable and indescribable.  It disrupted my life/ work/ career progression/ sense of self for 4 years now.  Sleep and physical health have also suffered tremendously.

 

You have a great opportunity to examine and reevaluate your life and history.  Feel your grief but remember that no person is perfect or a perfect fit for anybody.  It doesn't seem like it in the bath of hormones and excitement but when the waves settle you know from experience that it's going to be ok.  

 

I have learned plenty of resources in trying to get through withdrawal (the one good thing) if you'd like to know various therapies/practices etc.  I'm a huge fan of good self help books. 

 

You will be OK.  Like everything else in life this is temporary.

 

OMW

@Onmyway Thank you for the reply and the perspective. As painful and traumatic as the experience has been for me I'm finally starting to really accept it for the opportunity it is to grow and become a "whole" person emotionally / mentally. I've decided that I'm going to exhaust every other option available to me before trying any other AD's or psych drugs. The drugs aren't going anywhere and either am I if it gets to that point.... but with every passing day I don't think that it will. I've been through worse and survived and been happy and I will get through this as impossible as it feels sometimes. Thanks again for your perspective.