Vanessa: My introduction

[Vanesa]

Hi,

I'm new to this site and still learning how to navigate it. I hope I'm posting in the right place and this is not too repetitive. Please, let me know if I got it wrong!

 

I started taking paroxetine (after extremelly bad neourological side effects - ataxia? from mirtazapine) and lorazepam over 15 years ago. I have always taken paroxetine as prescribed, but for 3 years I was quite addicted to lorazepam and sometimes I would take a bit more than prescribed. Some other times it would be a genuine mistake as my memory was pretty clouded at that time. I managed to stop lorazepam after 3 years, which was a really hard process at different levels. This was 12 years ago.

 

I continued my journey with paroxetine which at some point was increased to 50mg. This made me a bit shaky. Over the last years, I have managed to reduce, very very slowly, to 10mg. I always discuss dosis changes with my GP, which tend to rotate quite a lot. I have an online GP practice, so I don't have any professional involved that I can manage to see regularly. So far, dosis reductions have been challenging, but I have managed and timed them considerably well.

 

Last month, I discussed another reduction with GP and pharmacist (I want to eventually come off it) and we agreed on me taking 5mg for 1-2 months and review then. This sounded reasonable to me, as I have reduced 5mg in the past. I also thought that taking such a low dose, I probably was not getting much from it, so there would be nearly no side effects.

However, I couldn't have been more wrong. I'm getting both physical and emotional side effects that I was not making any sense of until I came to this site. It's been 5 weeks now, and they seem a bit more tolerable, but I've been having a hard time (and sadly, my partner too)

I've been doing some research, and learnt about the idea of reducing % and not mg, which really made sense with my experience of the biggest side effects with the smalles dosis (but 50% reduction). Just knowing this has been extremelly helpful, thanks a lot.

 

During the 15 years I've been on this medication journey, I have also changed my career and eventually qualified as an addiction counsellor and also as a psychotherapist. I have just started quite a challenging role in mental health crisis (great timing with the 50% reduction, right?) 

 

I'm currently struggling at different levels, and one of them is the fact that I work as part of the mental health system that I internally partly blame for me being overmedicated and having my prescription managed by professionals who lack insight/knowledge, which leads to me being unwell and impacts my job supporting others, adding to the fear of me making others more ill. I was wondering if I may be the only one? I definetly feel there is still a lot of stigma associated with mental health inside the system itself, and at a certain level I think I'm carrying that and putting it to myself as there is a big layer of embarrassment about my job/medication/journey and always feel less of a professional because I decided to get into this career due to personal experience. 

 

I was wondering if there are other healthcare professionals in a similar situation (from UK), and if there may be any specific forums or support groups I could approach? I'm sometimes struggling to understand if I'm only experiencing temporary side effects, I'm just not coping well with my new job and other life stresses, or going mad alltogether because I ruminate too much.

 

From what I've read in here, I could get liquid paroxetine to reduce in micro dosis.  Does anyone know if this is available in the UK and how to go about it? 

 

Thanks a lot, specially if you read all my rant till this point.

 

Vanesa

 

Edited August 8, 2023 by manymoretodays
name to title

[Vanesa]

Hi,

 

I wrote an introduction post with my story and a couple of questions. I know it has to be approved before being live on the site, but it's been a few days and I have received no information about it. I have checked in content I started and doesn't appear there. It looks like I never wrote it.

 

Could you, please, help me with this?

 

thanks,

 

Vanesa

[manymoretodays]

Hi Vanessa. @Vanesa Your new topic has been merged with your start topic.  We are short staffed and so thanks for your patience.  Please don't hesitate to get to your "Signature".  You should have recieved a link to the topic on how to do one in your initial email.  That helps us a lot.  I will get you approved now and alert other staff, so we can advise and get to your questions ASAP.  Yes, others here who are in medical or counseling work.  Welcome.  Love, peace, healing, and growth.  manymoretodays(mmt)

[Vanesa]

Thanks so much!!

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @Vanessa

 

Paroxetine is probably the most difficult antidepressant to taper. Are you taking 5mg now? What times o'clock do you take your drugs, with their dosages?

 

To help us out, follow these instructions Please summarize your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

 

On 8/2/2023 at 5:08 AM, Vanesa said:

I'm getting both physical and emotional side effects that I was not making any sense of until I came to this site. It's been 5 weeks now, and they seem a bit more tolerable, but I've been having a hard time (and sadly, my partner too)

 

How has your symptom pattern changed over the last 5 weeks?

[Vanesa]

13 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Welcome, @Vanessa

 

Paroxetine is probably the most difficult antidepressant to taper. Are you taking 5mg now? What times o'clock do you take your drugs, with their dosages?

 

To help us out, follow these instructions Please summarize your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

 

 

How has your symptom pattern changed over the last 5 weeks?

Thanks a lot for the reply.

I take 5mg in the morning, around 7:30-8:00. That's all the medication I'm on. 

I have spoken to my GP this evening, and he told me there are no smaller dosis or liquid form of paroxetine to try microdosing (in the UK)

 

Over the last 5 weeks my anxiety has increased a lot. I'm getting some physical symptoms like tense muscles, difficulty sleeping, and being generally agitated while also feeling tired all the time. However, the bit I find more difficult is the emotional side: I find my reactions to situations to be appropriate, but a bit disproportionate (i.e: I'd get angry/upset for genuine reasons, but the level of the emotion is really intense and quick). I'm also feeling like everything is going fast in terms of emotions and thoughts. I'd feel very emotional and tearful at one time, and then come up with different reasons not to feel like that the next minute and be ok. Obviously, life doesn't go at that speed, so I've also realised I can get quite impatient these days. 

I'm hoping it'll get a bit easier every day, as at least now I have a bit more understanding

[Altostrata]

How do you feel before you take your paroxetine dose compared to after you take it?

 

Your doctor can order paroxetine liquid.