bigjellyjellyfish: Trying to reduce Zoloft dose with help of doctor, feel so scared.

[bigjellyjellyfish]

Hey there, I'll try to make my intro a bit shorter but its still kind of long.

 

Was put on Effexor 150 XR at age 15 due to anxiety and depression (my mother is narcissistic and I developed a lot of self hatred from it. Older brother is also bipolar and made my life hell).

Took that med until I was 28 (13 years).

Worked with a nurse practitioner (for psych meds specifically) who tapered me off over the course of 2.5 months (waaaay too fast) by taking the little beads out of the capsules. My meds pooped out and I didnt feel I needed them anymore.

Did great for 3 months, then my anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks, followed by depression.  Insomnia due to anxiety, no appetite, emotional shutdown.

Was put back on 75 mg and then raised to 150mg again, but since I had seen how vibrant I was without these drugs, I hated being on them.

After moving across the country I asked my new doctor to move me down to 75 mg. I felt less flat but the anxiety was bad. Moved back up to 112.5 mg, but felt "meh" about everything.

 

Tried Pristiq 25 mg for 2 weeks and was moved to 50 mg. 5 weeks in I had a horrible reaction-- anxiety, depersonalization, sweating, diarrhea. I didnt feel real. I told my doctor to lower me. Tried 25mg for 6 weeks. Still had diarrhea and apathy at 25mg.

Was moved to Zoloft 25 mg for 3 weeks.

I told my doctor I wanted to stay at 25 mg zoloft because I didnt want to become an over-medicated zombie. She said 25 mg wasnt a high enough dose to treat me, and I trusted her more than myself so I increased.  After 3 weeks was moved to 50 mg.

After 3 days on 50 mg I started being really spacey, dizzy, feeling like I was in a dream. Had insomnia. I would feel better every day as the med wore off closer to my dosing time.

Felt like I wasnt real and didnt care about anything.

My doctor said to wait until 5 weeks to see if my symptoms improved. I said no and told her to lower me to 25 mg.

Stomach was still so bad after the debacle with the Pristiq that I had dropped 17 lbs at this point and needed an endoscopy and a colonoscopy, where they found nothing was wrong.

1 week after reducing to 25 mg Zoloft my stomach started improving. It wasnt a slow taper, she just had me half my tablet.

 

I've been on Zoloft (Sertraline) 25 mg for 18 days as of writing this.

Throughout my journey I've been moved up and down doses of Effexor every 2-3 months, I got to experience effexor withdrawal and new side effects from the pristiq at the same time, and I got to experience pristiq withdrawal and zoloft side effects at the same time.

 

I'm currently having headaches, dizziness, apathy, and some sexual issues. Stomach is better but not 100% yet. Have pressure in my head a lot of the time. It feels like my head has cotton in it.

I'm in therapy finally dealing with my abandonment issues from my mother's narcissism. This whole thing has been a huge lesson in trusting myself.

 

A big part of me is scared that I've ***** up my brain, and that the apathy wont ever go away. I feel like I've made a big mistake.

My partner has said that over the past few weeks I seem more myself, but I don't see it at all. I've begun doing some more things I enjoy, but a lot of the time I'm not enjoying them very deeply.

A lot of the time I just want to be left alone.

 

I guess I just want some support, since I'm so scared. How did I even get here?  I just wanted to be happy.

 

tldr: couldnt handle 50mg Zoloft, currently on 25mg for 18 days. Brain is effectively a scrambled egg.

 

Timeline:

Effexor 150mg XR 13 years, came off over 2 months, 3 months off. "Relapse" and put back on 75 mg, then 50.

Lowered back down to 75 for 2 months, then raised to 112.5 for 2 months.

Pristiq 25mg for 2 weeks, then 50 mg for 5 weeks. Back to 25 mg for 6 weeks.

Zoloft 25 mg for 3 weeks, then 50 mg for 5 weeks, now back to 25 mg for 18 days.

 

 

Edited August 24, 2023 by FireflyFyte

[FireflyFyte]

Hi bigjellyjellyfish,

 

It sounds like you have been through a lot of medication changes recently and are possibly experiencing withdrawals, side effects, and possibly kindling. You can read more about kindling and hypersensitivity at Hypersensitivity and Kindling.

 

On 8/23/2023 at 11:17 AM, bigjellyjellyfish said:

A big part of me is scared that I've ***** up my brain, and that the apathy wont ever go away. I feel like I've made a big mistake.

My partner has said that over the past few weeks I seem more myself, but I don't see it at all. I've begun doing some more things I enjoy, but a lot of the time I'm not enjoying them very deeply.

A lot of the time I just want to be left alone.

 

 

The apathy will go away and I would take it as a positive sign that your partner sees a difference in you. Sometimes, it can be difficult for us to notice subtle changes in ourselves.

 

For the meantime, are you looking for guidance in tapering medication?

[bigjellyjellyfish]

Hello there!

 

No advice on tapering as of yet as I've read the "10% taper" information. Since I've recently halved from 50 mg to 25 I need to wait a while to even out. I seem to be ok at the moment, and some days I feel better than others. I'm going to be waiting at least six months before even thinking of making a change of any sort.

I wish my doctor from two years ago had done this process correctly, I might have never had that awful breakdown 3 months after being tapered off. Who tapers a patient of 13 years off of 150mg antidepressants in 3 months?! I was set up for failure the whole time...

 

Reading about kindling, it makes sense that I have had a much worse reaction to being reinstated on the Effexor the second time around, as well as with every med following. I was on 150mg for so long, but then later when I was reinstated that dose (as well as 112.5) felt like too much which was never an issue in the past. When I discontinued the Pristiq for the zoloft I actually felt like I was going crazy. I feel like the depression from the withdrawal feels worse than the depression I felt at 15 that prompted me to take antidepressants in the first place.

 

 

 

 

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