haptic Finally think I know how to beat this after 11 years.

[haptic]

Greetings, I'll document any pitfalls or recovery from my mental illness here in hope that someone sees some thing I'm doing that helps them too.

 

I first went on citalopram in June 2012 due a depressive episode. After 9 months on it I noticed I wasn't actually getting any better like I had done in the past. I knew at this moment that although the citalopram was easing some symptoms it was also keeping my baseline mental health from going back upto where I had been pre 2012. So after the 9 months I came off cold turkey.

 

The next two years I went through hell, 4 months in I developed suicidal thoughts and the mood became severe, the next 2 years were rough thinking I would return back to my normal, but I never did. So I went back on citalopram after that and went back how I was before coming off then. I accepted I was trapped but still able to survive and I went back to work at this time.

 

Fast forward to 2018, I'll of been 25. I'd made some poor decisions which led to me going through a short phase of taking cocaine. This lowered my baseline just a bit and the citalopram was no longer fixing it. I was a bit more stressed, suffered with early morning much more. Now I began to problem solve and play with new things to fix this problem once more. It started with a diet change. It did help a bit, the lower sugar and salt definitely improved my mood. I just ate like a whole food diet and wouldn't eat anything with added sugar. I added running everyday and also getting a full night's sleep every night as sleep was extremely sensitive after the short recreational drug phase. I was ok after this. Still sensitive to poor sleep, but if I ate this way I was surviving.

 

I worked backshift 2pm-12am as a CNC engineer, and it suited me because I could ensure I could get my sleep before work. Until the company I was working for let go of 2 thirds of its work force and sadly for me I was one. I knew I was going to struggle with morning work but that was all I could find at this time. I went through 3 jobs in 6 months. After that I stayed unemployed for a while and this is when I had my breakthrough because I was ready for another go and beating this mental illness.

 

I decided to come off the medication, caffeine, nicotine (yeah I smoked too), my whole foods diet and see what happens. Fast forward a year... nothing. Nothing has improved, I'm off medication and have implemented the things that helped but no recovery. One interesting thing I found though, was there was no breakdown that is common for a lot of people including myself after a few months of being off. Turns out this is because of the the healthy habits I'd implemented. It wasn't enough though was it to get better.

 

Well this next bit is the whole reason I've written this post. With this not showing any significant improvements I tried something out of desperation, I knew my sleep was good and there was nothing more I could do. I was exercising daily with weights which is the form of exercise that gave me the most mental health benefits. The only thing left was diet. I thought how could I make it even cleaner and less stressful on my brain. So I went for the ground up. I need carbs, protein and fat. So would eat a full potato (cooked obviously) with nothing on it (no salt/no sauce) as my carb source. I would eat plain cashew nuts (no salt or seasoning) as my fats. Then I would use my steam cooker to make chicken and frozen vegetables (again no salt/sauces/seasoning). I tried this and after 1 week, I feel a weight of depression and stress is removed and in that moment I knew this was how I was going to beat this.

Edited September 25, 2023 by Altostrata
added paragraph breaks

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @haptic

 

It appears you went off citalopram twice? How did you go off the second time? What happened in the next 6 months after you went off?

 

To help us out, follow these instructions Please summarize your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

[haptic]

Yeah, the second time I came off was exactly the same as the first time except I didn't fall off cliff mentally after 4 months like I did the first due to the coping mechanisms I had in place.