Louie introduction

[Louie]

Hi all. This is my first post, although I came across the fantastic resources on this site earlier this year. Due to the work and sharing of information of others via experience, I gained the appreciation as to what was happening to me when trying to stop (usually abruptly!) Lexapro. I’ll be forever grateful for that.

I’m now 40, and I originally started Lexapro in 2009 as a 26 year old. Just before my GP prescribed Lexapro for me, I wasn’t very happy with the direction my life was heading in and a lot of that I think was due to me not being good at the time at sharing my thoughts or concerns with anyone. And those thoughts, in hindsight, were minor -  I was 3 years into my first job after obtaining my degree and I wasn’t overly enthused by my work; also, by nature, I was reasonably shy and so that sometimes translated to low confidence in a social setting, particularly around girls. At the same time though, I was quite popular amongst my friends and work colleagues, and played football at a semi-professional level so I was always quite healthy physically. I must admit, after starting Lexapro, it did seem to help with the shyness – this was evident to me in job interviews as I seemed to nail it every time! That was the extent of my issues, and I believe I had a great upbringing, lucky to have a loving family, friends etc.

Here is a timeline of my history of trying to stop Lexapro:

 

•    Mar 2009 - start 20mg Lexapro for low mood, aged 26
•    Drop to 10mg Sep 2010, no issues
•    Sep 2011 jump off from 10mg to 0mg
•    Dec 2011 start becoming anxious, with crash in Jan 2012, brain fixates on narrow issue at the time
•    Mar 2012 Back on 20mg, feeling better after 4 to 6 weeks
•    Mar 2015 - Taper over 2 months from 20mg to 0mg, crash early Jun 2015, severe anxiety, again on a specific issue going on at the time (different issue from 1st jump off)
•    Sep 2015 back on 20mg, feeling better after 4 to 6 weeks
•    Dec 2021 down to 10mg , no problems
•    Dec 2022 Taper over 1 month down to 0mg, anxiety crash 1 month later
•    Feb 2023 Reinstate 2.5mg a day and I actually settle at that dose after 3 to 4 weeks, and did that after finally figuring out and coming across resources about SSRI withdrawal, and thinking I never suffered anxiety like this before starting Lexapro
•    Mar 2023 Start tapering from 2.5mg to 1mg at Aug 2023, using liquid solution
•    Aug 2023 Unfortunately learnt again the hard way, that that taper was way too fast as I crashed again with severe anxiety (specific trigger, another different issue, catastrophic thinking, fear etc)
•    Sep 2023 Reinstated at 5mg, starting to settle again one month later

 

Each time I stopped Lexapro, my thinking was that I feel fine, I don’t have any unresolved issues, and I have nothing to stress or be anxious about. I always have felt like I’m lucky to live a fortunate life. The worries as a 26-year-old were long gone. The side effects of taking Lexapro I always felt were tolerable, however I wanted to try life without them. For me, the side effects included (especially at 20mg/day) tiredness, sexual numbing, and weight gain. So, I would speak to my doctor and explain that I wanted to stop Lexapro, and the consistent advice I got was that I could just stop taking Lexapro or taper over a month, skipping doses of 10mg every second, third day etc. Anxiety would soon rear its head a month or so after stopping. In January 2023 I finally learnt more about the connection to withdrawal, and it had my reflecting on life before Lexapro – what is clear that I had never experienced the anxiety or panic in withdrawal, before 2009.

Now to change tune and describe the feelings I experience trying to come off this medication. I can’t think of a better way other than to say it’s horrible and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. What tends to happen for me, is that anywhere from a month to 3 months after stopping or reducing, my mind picks on a particular issue that comes from a trigger at the time, and then unrelenting anxiety ensues. My body switches on the fight or flight response due to the fear, my appetite disappears, and I wake every night about 2am. This goes on until I reinstate and then usually must wait 4 to 6 weeks. Physical symptoms for me tend to be mild, with the most obvious one being acid reflux within the first week or two. Expect for in 2015, where I had to leave work for 3 months, I somehow manage to keep going to work and survive (I work an office job). Techniques such as breathing, mindfulness, distraction etc seem to help very little in the acute stages and I do my best to observe the thoughts. And for the things that trigger my fear, I know deep down the reaction is way over the top, however the anxiety side of the brain is so dominant, I feel out of control, and it feels so real. I get so tired, and I have suicidal thoughts.

Hopefully that paints the picture well of my story with Lexapro. I’ve learnt a lot, swung from accepting I’ll be on the medication forever, to now realising withdrawal is possible, and it’s now clear to me that I need to taper off over years (I’m thinking 5 at this stage), after a period of stabilisation that I hope is about to start.

Thanks again to all that contribute to this forum, I would be none the wiser without it, and devoid of hope in respect of getting off Lexapro.

 

[Emonda]

Welcome to S.A. @Louie,

I'm glad you have found us. Your story is all too familiar to many members here. I've experienced the same AD and the same cold turkey experience normally around 3 months afterwards, as well.

 

Thanks for creating your drug signature.

 

You are right that it will take some time to taper safely, but it's not a race. You need to listen to your body and adjust accordingly. Have you found this link yet:  Why taper by 10% of my dosage? The amount of your monthly reduction gets smaller and smaller. I created a spreadsheet showing my 10% cut, and I think I worked out it would take ~ 3 years...but as I said, it's not a race.

 

It sounds as though you have a good idea of some of the possible WD symptoms. That said, why not keep a copy of this WD symptom checklist. That way, when you experience something following a reduction in your AD down the track, or even now as you stabilise following your reinstatement, you may be able to reassure yourself that it is ‘normal’ and part of the process.

 

As to your recent reinstatement, that's great that you are starting to settle after ~5 weeks. I'd hold there for several months before contemplating tapering by a maximum of 10% per month. I held for ~5 months following an up-dose after tapering way too quickly (before finding this site). You want to be in a good place before tapering.

 

Throughout your taper, some days you’ll feel good and others not so. Sometimes, the rough patches can last days, weeks, or longer. We refer to this as the  Windows and waves pattern of stabilization. Have a read of these non-drug coping strategies to help you on your journey.

 

You've probably read that we don't suggest many supplements, but two that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. Add one at a time and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

Avoid alcohol. I'd read this here many times before but ignored it...I was always fine with one or two drinks once or twice per week….until I wasn’t fine! My tolerance for alcohol vanished, and it’d leave me feeling anxious the next day. Do yourself a favour, and avoid alcohol. Tapering slowly still produces WD symptoms. You don't need to make things harder for yourself by adding in alcohol.

 

 

Please post any updates here in your thread. It is helpful to keep everything related to your journey in one spot. You are very welcome to jump onto someone else's page and interact with them. The encouragement members give each other on this site is wonderful to see.

 

Sing out with any questions. 

 

Once again, welcome to S.A.

 

Emonda.

 

 

Edited October 3, 2023 by Emonda
typo

[Louie]

Thanks @Emonda for your reply - it's much appreciated. To hear of others like yourself have experienced the same protracted withdrawal helps with the doubts or questioning like 'is there some sort of relapse of an underlying condition'.  Understandably so, often family, friends and my Doctor suggest just staying on the AD.

 

I've read the 10% taper thread, however I hadn't come across that withdrawal symptom tracker, so thanks for pointing me towards that. I do need to get better at noticing more subtle signs of withdrawal and funny you mention alcohol, as I had been reflecting on the lead up to my recent crash. I had a social event where I had a few drinks a couple of weeks before and I remember feeling a bit weird the next day. Whilst I don't drink often and only socially, I've committed to no more alcohol. It makes complete sense to abstain during withdrawal and if it makes it easier then I'm going to do that.

 

Thank you again for sharing what you did in respect of a hold. I agree with holding for an extended period of time, especially if I'm to learn from earlier in the year. I'm thinking of re-assessing mid next year at this stage but obviously there is some recency bias playing out there as I'm quite burnt at the moment.

 

 

[Emonda]

1 hour ago, Louie said:

I've committed to no more alcohol. It makes complete sense to abstain during withdrawal and if it makes it easier then I'm going to do that.

 

 Good to hear, @Louie 👍 Interesting to hear that you felt a bit off the day after alcohol as well.

 

1 hour ago, Louie said:

I agree with holding for an extended period of time, especially if I'm to learn from earlier in the year. I'm thinking of re-assessing mid next year

 

Great to read you'll take your time. Get yourself stable for an extended period, and reassess from there.

 

Sing out with any questions.

 

Emonda