FiveCats: Trying to wean off of Lexapro

[FiveCats]

Hello! I am 34 year old female from the US and I have been taking escitalopram (Lexapro) for 1 year and 2 months for depression and anxiety. This is the only drug I am prescribed, the only drug I am on, and I don't use alcohol or other drugs. From 25-31 or 32 I was a pretty heavy drinker. I got on Lexapro at 33 (Sept 2022) due to severe anxiety and depression. I recently signed up for health insurance, but at the time of Lexapro being prescribed (10 mg), I didn't have any and I just signed up for an app called K health that a doctor prescribes you meds through a chat ( I know right). I felt in the first few months of taking Lexapro that it helped. The anxiety was completely gone, the depression was mostly gone and it was pretty much a miracle, I was really happy. Then I realized after being on 10 mg for a while its a really large dose and makes me hyper and manic ,and needing to do something all the time, which really wasn't a terrible thing, but that isn't how I want to be.  I was also overly confident and mean to other people in my life. I couldn't really settle down. So after my first few months on 10 mg I reduced the dose without telling the doctor, I tried for 7.5mg. This was probably December of 2022 At this time, I was biting off the pills into what I thought was 7.5mg. So I took this for a bit and it wasn't working for me so I upped the dose while biting off the pills into what I thought was 8.5 or 9 mg. At the time I was stupid and didn't know how inaccurate I was being. When I was taking "8.5 or 9 mg" I had some pretty good days, but also, a lot things were going right in life at the time. After a while of this, I felt too hyper and manic and restless and I knew I needed to cut back (July 2023). I got a scale and it turned out I was taking much more than what I thought I was taking. I was actually taking about 10 mg, what I was prescribed. In July I reduced to 7.5, not knowing this is a huge cut and not to do that. Anyways the whole month of July was pure hell, I could hardly get out of bed, hardly do anything but work and lay down after. I work from home too, thank God, or I would have lost my job. But this is really taxing still, when you are weaning off drugs. The worst part is the intrusive thoughts about suicide, not knowing if they are even real thoughts are just self harm OCD, not finding joy in things anymore, getting older and having relationship strain due to how poorly I act on these drugs, whether on the full dose or tapering, I have a short fuse or I can't even hardly function. FYI I eat healthy, I meal prep the whole week on Sundays, I take several vitamins and supplements including the ones I see recommended here, magnesium and fish oil, I jog on the treadmill for 1/2 hour 5 days a week. My AM cortisol is really high according to a lab test I got recently. I also have low (but not severely low)vitamin D but ok Vitamin B12.

 

So in August I upped my dose back to 8.5 mg and felt fine for a little while and I was relieved because I thought I could start a normal taper from there. This is when I found this forum and began reading it almost every day to try and gain knowledge and encouragement. SO this comes up to .113 g on the scale due to fillers in the pills. After I stablized on the .113g, maybe a few weeks or a month, I tried out .110g and later .108 g etc, (8.3mg or so) to see if I could tolerate these reductions and there were SOME good days but they were few and far between and they really only happened when I had proper sleep. Most days I wake up dreading life because my job bores the hell out of me, I have to take lexapro in the morning which makes me hate myself, my intrusive thoughts about suicide and death and people dying come in while I work, all while having a poor short term memory,a short fuse, being inattentive, sluggish and having brain fog. I take forever to get out of bed. After a little while on .108 mg I upped back to .111mg because I can't even handle the slightest reduction. I want to be on a clear cut schedule, but I don't really understand the spreadsheets on here, and I want to talk to a doctor about the liquid form of Lexapro for an easier taper, but my insurance doesn't kick in til January, For now Im still using a scale and cutting up pills every day to make the right dose. I feel like this drug and my intrusive thoughts have completely ruined my life, also I have numb lower legs and feet and I have no clue why. I feel I am in shape and physically well but not mentally well at all and it contributes to my physical health. I need so much sleep its embarrassing, it takes me forever to want to do something, to drag myself to the grocery store, I don't really like eating, cooking, or doing much anymore. I can't go on vacations like I used to, I still force myself to though occasionally, through panic and everything. My family says I am not acting right, random people in public have asked if I am ok so I must look mental or something. Is it me or the drug? I am scared of my thoughts and scared that I can never really come off this. Any help is greatly appreciated.

[getofflex]

Hello, and welcome to SA.  We are a volunteer-run community of people who have been or are getting off of psychiatric drugs.  I believe that your symptoms are probably from varying your Lexapro dose too frequently, and by too large of a reduction when you went from 10 to 7.5.  I suggest that be careful and precise in measuring your dose, and holding on your current dose of 8.4 mg for a while, as in 3-6 months, and allow your nervous system and chance to stabilize and settle down before tapering any further.  We need to be very careful when we updose too, because this can set off kindling in a nervous system that is already destabilized.  

 

Here is some important information about how these drugs actually work.  This explains why we get symptoms from going off of these medications, and why it's so important to taper slowly and carefully, and be very cautious about changing our doses: 

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

 

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is: 

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

 

Tapering is best done extremely slowly, and we generally taper by 10% of the current dose no more than once every 4 weeks, so that the reduction becomes exponentially smaller.

 

 Why Taper by 10% of my Dosage  

 

Tips for Tapering Lexapro

 

These links will help you understand stability, and how to know when you are stable enough to taper.  

 

Stability

 

WD Normal

 

I've given you a lot of information today.  I think that if you follow our suggestions, you will have an easier time tapering, and will feel better.  Please be patient while you are holding on your current dose.  Don't be too shocked if you have a wave - just hold steady.  I'll give you more info in the future about WD symptoms, and how to deal with them. 

[getofflex]

P.S.  Please express your dose in mg of the drug, and not in scale weight.  Thank you.  

 

When you switch to the liquid, do it gradually as per this link: 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/28978-cross-over-from-one-form-of-a-drug-to-another-such-as-solid-to-liquid-or-changing-the-brand/?do=findComment&comment=465046

 

[FiveCats]

Hi, getofflex, apologies for the late response, this whole week has been a really big wave and struggling to even work, and I just read all the links you sent me last night. This all makes so much sense. After reading all about the patterns of stabilization, how the drugs change our minds (the trellis analogy), how to listen to your body, etc, I realize it is completely possible for me to get off of Lexapro, even if it will take a while. I will be holding at the 8.4mg like you said, for a few months until I am stable. I was impatient, ill-informed before. A lot of the weird feelings I have had I was concerned It was me, but now I know it is withdrawal syndrome and not to panic about it and go easy on myself. I tend to exert myself too much during the windows, and now I know not to. I can't even state how much relief I have after reading all this. Thank you, and I look forward to coming here for any questions. It helps so much to see that there is a group on here that is going through the same crap as me, even from the same drug. 

[getofflex]

It's music to my ears that you read the links - many people don't.  I know it helped me a great deal when I read those when I first came in here in 2019.  It is what enabled me to get off Lexapro. Yes, it is very tempting to overdo it in the windows!  I tend to do the same thing.  I'm very glad the information helped you!  I think you are going to do just fine!  The keys are time, patience, and perseverance.  Feel free to check out others' introductions - it helps to see that many are going through this as well.  Let us know how you are doing.  

[FiveCats]

The links helped me SO MUCH in putting this all together. I had been browsing this forum for a couple months before I decided to post and thought I had it figured out, but now I KNOW I have it figured out and I have confidence I can get through this, even though a lot of times it doesn't feel like it. Lately I have been feeling a lot of anhedonia and poor short term memory issues. Not as much fatigue. I'm doing things I would normally enjoy, and not feeling much if anything about it. I was shopping for a shed for my yard and that should be exciting because it's a big purchase and it's something I have been saving up for for a while, but it's not doing much for me. I had a window this week where I found myself having an actual appetite and wanting to go out and buy ingredients to cook something, which I usually don't have an appetite anymore, and it felt fine for a bit but when I got home to cook it I felt lazy and anhedonia. I still felt better than usual overall, but not like before drugs. And I wondered if I would ever be the same person again. I watched a Youtube video I had filmed of myself almost 4 years ago, a time when I wasn't doing that great or so I had thought. But I seemed so much happier in it, my tone was so much more upbeat. I know for certain these drugs changed me. I try to remind myself of that, because I get confused sometimes. Sometimes I get "attacked" by intrusive thoughts that nothing matters, no point to doing anything, and actually become immobilized and have to lay down and watch videos on my phone to try and regain myself. Eventually it goes away, but it is scary. I have always been a bit depressed and anxious but this drug has made things so much worse. I can't wait to be done with it. I'll continue to check in with updates.

[Poppy745]

8 hours ago, FiveCats said:

I know for certain these drugs changed me. I try to remind myself of that, because I get confused sometimes. Sometimes I get "attacked" by intrusive thoughts that nothing matters, no point to doing anything, and actually become immobilized and have to lay down and watch videos on my phone to try and regain myself. Eventually it goes away, but it is scary. I have always been a bit depressed and anxious but this drug has made things so much worse. I can't wait to be done with it. I'll continue to check in with updates.

Hi @FiveCats  I can really relate to this. I feel so sad at how these meds have changed me. I keep asking myself why? Why didn't I know more about what they did. I still cannot believe that the first I heard of withdrawal was this summer.  I also have the awful anxiety thoughts, especially in the morning. I hope that you are doing ok. 

[getofflex]

Hello Cats, I promised you I would give you more info about symptoms,and how to manage them.  

 

Here is a link with checklists of common WD symptoms: 

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen Withdrawal Symptom Checklists

 

 

Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms: 

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

 

Stability is really important when we are tapering off psych meds.  Please read the link about stability:

 

Keep It Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but 2 that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. It is suggested to add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

Here are some links about some of your symptoms: 

 

Apathy, Anhedonia, etc.

 

Overcoming Suicidal Thoughts

 

Managing the Morning Cortisol Spike

 

Take heart - in time, these problems will eventually resolve themselves with proper self care.  

Edited December 14, 2023 by getofflex