Hopefullea: Protracted AD Withdrawal

[Hopefullea]

Thank you for accepting me into this group, I am so grateful to be here. I have only recently (after many different types of tests) realised that I have been in AD protracted withdrawal for around 2 years, it has been the most hellish time of my life. I am so broken and quite distraught that I can't get the help and support that I need to navigate this situation that I have found myself in 😥 I am not sure how to go about making contact with other members so I'm writing this in the hope that someone would kindly point me in the right direction. Thank you.

Edited January 1 by FireflyFyte
Updated title

[FireflyFyte]

Hello,

 

Welcome to SA. Please summarize your drug history in your signature by following the instructions at How to Summarize Your Drug History in Your Signature. You may need to be on a computer to complete this.

 

5 hours ago, Hopefullea said:

I am not sure how to go about making contact with other members so I'm writing this in the hope that someone would kindly point me in the right direction.

 

Other members might come to your thread here but you are also encouraged to comment on other members' threads.

Thanks,

Firefly

[mstimc]

Hi @Hopefullea  Can you share some of what you're feeling and if you've tried any therapy-based coping strategies? It'll help us give you the support you need.  I also encourage you to check out the Success Stories forum; many people have been where you are and are well into recovery. 

Edited January 1 by mstimc

[Hopefullea]

I am having trouble thinking straight, so I'm finding it hard to put things into words. I think that's called brain fog? And anxiety also. When I quit the last time after several unsuccessful tries over the years and reinstating, I did not understand that  I would not only get mental affects but severe physical as well.  I became very anxious, angry, fearful as in impending doom amongst other things. I fought hard to overcome those feelings over time but had this increasing back pain which has now become debilitating. Along with the Amitriptyline which I very apprehensively started taking after being prescribed for the pain, has left me shattered emotionally and mentally. I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping, together with being in a vicious cycle of being fearful of the pain which is affecting me daily. I am feeling increasingly hopeless and have very little support. I'm not sure what you mean by therapy based strategies? Would you please explain what that is? Thanks very much for any help.

[FireflyFyte]

1 hour ago, Hopefullea said:

I'm not sure what you mean by therapy based strategies?

 

Here are some of the resources on our site regarding therapy based strategies but it might also be helpful to seek out a therapist if not already working with one -

• Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) for anxiety, depression, and withdrawal symptoms
• Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms
• Experiences with meditation

1 hour ago, Hopefullea said:

Along with the Amitriptyline

 

Are you currently on 12.5mg of Amitriptyline?

[mstimc]

1 hour ago, Hopefullea said:

I'm not sure what you mean by therapy based strategies? Would you please explain what that is? Thanks very much for any help.

I mean therapies Ike Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure Response Prevention (EPR).  They teach you a new of managing anxiety and negative ruminations.   I see FireflyFyte provided you with some links.  I was very much in your situation--constant anxiety, always a feeling of doom, and tons of physical symptoms. It takes time, patience and commitment to put CBT and other coping strategies into regular practice, but the payoff is huge--studies show therapy-based management techniques are far more effective than medication for handling anxiety and related issues.  

[Hopefullea]

Yes I am currently on Amitriptyline 12.5 mg. I feel it is making me worse. I barely get 6 hours sleep a night and it's so hard to go back to sleep, I feel exhausted, I wake up with  dread, the fear of it all starting over again at any moment. I never had trouble with sleep but since going on that. I want to get off it but scared to cut down any more 😥  it's been the worst nightmare and time of my life. I feel so alone that every day I want to die, but I still want to live. I am paralysed by fear of this pain (physical). Whatever I do, or don't do it comes back, I don't want it to come back. I am living a very sedentary life, I can't exercise, I can't do housework, I can hardly feed myself. My mind just wants to shut down 😥 I just sit or lie down for most of the day on my own. Nobody understands what I am going through, it's destroying my relationships and I can't talk to my family about it.

I only went on it bcos the Dr said it would help me and I would be able to go back to work. It hasn't and I haven't 😞 Medications affect me and make me worse. Thanks for your input, I so need the help. 

[mstimc]

You are not alone.  Everything you've expressed has been experienced by many others, including having a family that can't understand what you're experiencing.  There's a branch of philosophy/psychology that says the universe sends us what we're interested in, even if what we're interested in isn't what we want.  The universe is neutral and doesn't know if something is positive or negative.  We get into a mindset that we're alone or in constant turmoil and that's what the universe sends us--more of the same feelings.  You don't want the feelings to come back, but they do because your anxious mind is locked into that pattern of thought and fear.  That just reinforces the negative thought cycle. The only way to break the cycle is to deprive the thoughts of their power.  Thoughts will come and that's okay.  Don't let them rule your actions or your life. One thing you can do right now is to get up and do some very light exercise like Tai Chi.  There are many short videos on YouTube to introduce you to the exercises.  The great thing is they make you concentrate on the movement more than the physical aspect of exercise, so your thoughts are forced away from anxious thinking.  Even a few minutes a day is a great start. 

[Hopefullea]

Thank you for the encouragement and validation of my experience, it means a lot to know that others have had similar and have improvement/healing. It feels like a very lonely and isolated journey 😥 Especially since I am unable to get out much and join in with others because of the disabling pain. It gets so frustrating and demoralising. It's really hard to concentrate on other things to distract myself. I have an appointment to see a therapist in a couple of days, I hope she can help in some way. I find they all believe the same line, which is a bit discouraging.

[mstimc]

Yes, its a lonely experience even if we have a supportive family.  Only people who've been through it can really understand what we're going through.  But you have a very supportive group here. Ask the therapist what his/her approach is (e.g. CBT, etc.) and his/her views on medication.  If you don't feel its a good fit, keep going till you find one who can support you.  I found a great therapist--he really was the key to my recovery. 

[Hopefullea]

mstimc, thanks I will do that. Have you recovered now and fully off AD medication? 

[mstimc]

3 minutes ago, Hopefullea said:

mstimc, thanks I will do that. Have you recovered now and fully off AD medication? 

Yes, I've been off AD's since 2009.  I take a klonopin very occasionally for especially stressful situations, but no more than three a year, (I don't like flying, for example).  One thing you need to accept is that no medication or coping strategy will take away 100% of the thoughts and feelings.  I compare anxiety to any other chronic condition, like diabetes.  We can live perfectly happy and normal lives, if we learn how to manage our thoughts; our brains are juts wired a bit differently and we experience some things differently than others.  That doesn't mean we're broken or doomed to a life if misery, but we do need to learn how to manage the ruminations and catastrophic thoughts.  That's why a good therapist who will encourage you to practice  coping strategies is so valuable. 

[Hopefullea]

1 hour ago, mstimc said:

Yes, I've been off AD's since 2009.  I take a klonopin very occasionally for especially stressful situations, but no more than three a year, (I don't like flying, for example).  One thing you need to accept is that no medication or coping strategy will take away 100% of the thoughts and feelings.  I compare anxiety to any other chronic condition, like diabetes.  We can live perfectly happy and normal lives, if we learn how to manage our thoughts; our brains are juts wired a bit differently and we experience some things differently than others.  That doesn't mean we're broken or doomed to a life if misery, but we do need to learn how to manage the ruminations and catastrophic thoughts.  That's why a good therapist who will encourage you to practice  coping strategies is so valuable. 

Congratulations, what an effort and achievement! That gives me hope of recovery.

[Doctorsrcrap]

@mstimc

Could i be wrong in thinking the amitriptline could be causing some symptoms? 

I don't know. It was just a thought 

[Hopefullea]

3 minutes ago, Doctorsrcrap said:

@mstimc

Could i be wrong in thinking the amitriptline could be causing some symptoms? 

I don't know. It was just a thought 

I think the Amitriptyline is causing me insomnia and anxiety.

[Doctorsrcrap]

This was my concern.

Maybe a moderator will be able to comment.

[mstimc]

1 minute ago, Hopefullea said:

I think the Amitriptyline is causing me insomnia and anxiety.

I'm not an expert on side effects but its not listed as a side effect of that particular med. On the other hand, insomnia is a common side effect of anxiety. My advice based on personal experience is not to search for external causes, but to concentrate on coping strategies that work for you.  

[Hopefullea]

1 minute ago, mstimc said:

I'm not an expert on side effects but its not listed as a side effect of that particular med. On the other hand, insomnia is a common side effect of anxiety. My advice based on personal experience is not to search for external causes, but to concentrate on coping strategies that work for you.  

It's strange, I've had anxiety before in the past but never until recently when I started amitriptyline have I had insomnia. But I agree with what you are saying about coping strategies, thank you.

[Doctorsrcrap]

I just wondered if already in protrated withdrawal whether amitriptyline could go paradoxal and have the opposite to the desired effect. 

Anyway I'm not a moderator so I could be way off the mark. 

[Hopefullea]

3 minutes ago, Doctorsrcrap said:

I just wondered if already in protrated withdrawal whether amitriptyline could go paradoxal and have the opposite to the desired effect. 

Anyway I'm not a moderator so I could be way off the mark. 

I think you could be right. 

[Doctorsrcrap]

Would you say your sleep and anxiety were better or worse before the amitriptyline? 

[Hopefullea]

3 minutes ago, Doctorsrcrap said:

Would you say your sleep and anxiety were better or worse before the amitriptyline? 

I would say both were better for sure before the Amitriptyline 

[Doctorsrcrap]

Well then I would have thought there lies the answer.

I would ask a moderator like fire fly fyte for their take on the situation as they will be more knowledgeable than me. 

It's still a good idea to do the therapy techniques as they will help you later of course but I worry its an adverse reaction.

Please ask a moderator their opinion as you can't just stop the amitriptyline.

Anyway a hearty welcome to the community 

[Hopefullea]

1 minute ago, Doctorsrcrap said:

Well then I would have thought there lies the answer.

I would ask a moderator like fire fly fyte for their take on the situation as they will be more knowledgeable than me. 

It's still a good idea to do the therapy techniques as they will help you later of course but I worry its an adverse reaction.

Please ask a moderator their opinion as you can't just stop the amitriptyline.

Anyway a hearty welcome to the community 

Thank you very much for your input, I have sat on 12.5mg of Amitriptyline for a couple of months. I want to go down but very apprehensive, it's such a mine field. Thank you, I am very happy to be a part of this community!

[Doctorsrcrap]

Did you manage to get any advice? 

 

What time of day do you take the amitriptyline? 

[Hopefullea]

1 hour ago, Doctorsrcrap said:

Did you manage to get any advice? 

 

What time of day do you take the amitriptyline? 

I don't take it until the evening, about 9.30pm trying to work on taking it earlier but haven't got there yet. Should I be taking it earlier? And should I do that gradually? Thanks for your help.

[Hopefullea]

Just now, Hopefullea said:

I don't take it until the evening, about 9.30pm trying to work on taking it earlier but haven't got there yet. Should I be taking it earlier? And should I do that gradually? Thanks for your help.

I had some things I needed to get off my chest and background. She gave me some handouts which I haven't gone through yet.

[Doctorsrcrap]

I read somewhere that amitriptyline can cause insomnia. So maybe morning could help. I would have thought u would have to move it gradually.

Try tagging a moderator and see if they can give u some advice 

[Hopefullea]

1 minute ago, Doctorsrcrap said:

I read somewhere that amitriptyline can cause insomnia. So maybe morning could help. I would have thought u would have to move it gradually.

Try tagging a moderator and see if they can give u some advice 

I don't know how to tag a moderator?

[Doctorsrcrap]

You just type @ and then the mods name. I believe @FireflyFytewas looking after your case 

[Hopefullea]

1 minute ago, Doctorsrcrap said:

You just type @ and then the mods name. I believe @FireflyFytewas looking after your case 

Thank you, I didn't realise, I have so much to learn about this site. It's comforting that you are walking beside me at the moment, albeit long distance.

[FireflyFyte]

2 hours ago, Hopefullea said:

I don't take it until the evening, about 9.30pm trying to work on taking it earlier but haven't got there yet. Should I be taking it earlier? And should I do that gradually? Thanks for your help.

 

If you think it might be contributing to your insomnia, I would start moving the time you take your dose back by an hour each day and see if your sleep improves.

 

Regarding your anxiety, is it heightened after you take your dose?

[Hopefullea]

4 minutes ago, FireflyFyte said:

 

If you think it might be contributing to your insomnia, I would start moving the time you take your dose back by an hour each day and see if your sleep improves.

 

Regarding your anxiety, is it heightened after you take your dose?

Thank you, I haven't noticed it being worse after taking my dose. Do you know if people have reported it interacting with thyroxine (thyroid medication) in regards to anxiety?

[Doctorsrcrap]

If you go on a drug interaction checker online it says there is a rection between the 2. 

I did a quick check and it says can cause anxiety, agitation and insomnia. 

I cant see amitriptyline doing you any favours 

[Hopefullea]

1 minute ago, Doctorsrcrap said:

If you go on a drug interaction checker online it says there is a rection between the 2. 

I did a quick check and it says can cause anxiety, agitation and insomnia. 

I cant see amitriptyline doing you any favours 

Thanks for that. I stupidly took the advice of the Dr, I didn't want to take it. But he said it would make the pain better and I would be able to get back to work. I was desperate for relief, I had  pressure from others to take something to 'get better'  it has set me back, a lot 😫 They don't understand my fear of drugs, they don't understand that they have a stronger affect on me.

[Doctorsrcrap]

It's OK sweetie, we all trust our doctors thinking they know best. And at the time you did what you thought was best for you. 

I would wait and see what @FireflyFytehas to say but im thinking that maybe moving the dose slowly to earlier will help the insomnia and then once you have got used to that maybe start a 10% taper of thr amitriptyline. But I cant advise you as I'm not allowed to do that. I don't know enough. I wouldn't want you to make a bad decision because of me. 

For the pain, have you tried epsom salt baths?