Sc123: My Paxil Journey - the antidepressant from hell

[Sc123]

Hi everybody,

 

I am so happy I found this forum. It has been a wealth of information while navigating the confusing road of removing antidepressants from my life.

 

I have 2 children and have been on antidepressants both of their lives. I’ve told myself I was doing it for them, because I never want to lose my temper around them. I grew up in a very volatile environment and it’s been extremely important to regulate my emotions so my children do not experience what I went through.

 

But the emotional blunting has become a lot. I’ve lost my ability to cry. I really don’t have negative feelings left at all. I feel good most of the time on paxil, aside from being unable to control my appetite and weight gain which has taken a toll on my self esteem.

 

I made the decision to start therapy last year and it’s been life changing. With the necessary tools under my belt, I decided to try to get off these drugs that have been controlling how I’ve felt for the last 12 years.

 

It has not been easy. Last summer I tried going from 40mg paxil to 0 and experienced a crash like no other. I didn’t feel real, vertigo was so bad, nausea was constant, and the brain zaps felt never ending. I spent my lowest day on the couch sobbing and realized this was not the way to go about it. Then I found this forum.

 

My doctor is a bit of a pill pusher and does not support my decision to discontinue antidepressants. I was prescribed MORE medications during my past visit, which was the opposite of what I was looking for. With that being said, I’m doing this without true medical advice.

 

With the support of my husband and family, I’ve been able to stabilize at 20mg this past fall, and lower to 10mg last month. I’ve been attempting to completely stop once again and see how I feel and if it is manageable. From what I’ve been reading here, I might’ve jumped the gun and may need to stabilize on a lower dose, but that’s OK. I know these things take time and long term I want to be OK.
 

I haven’t had alcohol since November 2023. I was never an alcoholic, but a heavy weekend drinker. The mental clarity from removing alcohol from my life has helped my journey immensely. 
 

Since going from 10mg cold turkey vs micro dosing, I’ve experienced some discontinuation symptoms. I have stomach pains and headaches that come and go. Heightened senses. Mild irritability. Heightened emotions (not extreme but I am able to cry again). I have not experienced vertigo, zaps, or extreme mood swings which were the worst of my symptoms last time I tried removing antidepressants. It might be too soon to tell, but I am hopeful.

I keep going back and forth on whether or not to try to stabilize at 5mg by making a liquid suspension, but I am worried about messing it up. 
 

Thanks for reading this and being here. I’m happy to be a part of this community.

[Emonda]

Welcome to S.A. @Sc123

 

To ensure I understand, you were stable at 10mg in November '23, then CT your meds on 30 December '23?

 

If you only CT on 30 December, you may want to read this:

 

About Reinstating and Stabilizing to Reduce Withdrawal Symptoms

 

It's only been a few days...I'd strongly consider reinstating, stabilising, and then tapering at a maximum of 10% per month.

 

3 hours ago, Sc123 said:

My doctor is a bit of a pill pusher and does not support my decision to discontinue antidepressants.

 

You just need the prescription from the doctor. If you choose to slowly taper on your own, that's up to you.

 

3 hours ago, Sc123 said:

From what I’ve been reading here, I might’ve jumped the gun and may need to stabilize on a lower dose, but that’s OK

 

I'd suggest you have a read of these links:

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

Windows and waves pattern of stabilization

 

Emotional Spirals

 

Non-drug coping strategies

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but two that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. Add one at a time and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

Avoid alcohol. 

 

Please post any updates here in your thread. It is helpful to keep everything related to your journey in one spot. You are very welcome to jump onto someone else's page and interact with them. The encouragement members give each other on this site is wonderful to see.

 

Sing out with any questions. 

 

Once again, welcome to S.A.

 

Emonda.

 

[Sc123]

@Emonda Thank you for the suggestions and helpful articles. I am still learning through this process and this is a wonderful place to come for information.

You are correct, I was stable at 10mg in November and decided to CT on December 30th. I know I rushed the process and the stomach pain/headaches confirm it, so I am reinstating at 5mg to see if it’s manageable.  I am going to try the 10% method to save my nervous system. 
 

I made a liquid suspension with a 20mg pill in 20ml of water, based on the article I found here. I am hoping at my next doctor’s appointment I can get the liquid form to simplify the process.

[Emonda]

Given you've only missed 3 doses (?), you may be safer to go back to 10mg where you were last stable.

 

Wait a good while until you are stable again, then consider a very slow taper.

 

3 hours ago, Sc123 said:

I am hoping at my next doctor’s appointment I can get the liquid form to simplify the process.

 

Please read this before swapping from tablet to liquid: