waitingonamiracle: Introduction - waitingonamiracle

[waitingonamiracle]

Hi all, 

 

Here's a quick summary about my situation. 

 

Quote

In 2020, a legitimate medical problem was misdiagnosed as anxiety, and I was polydrugged with Lorazepam, Quetiapine, and a high dose of Sertraline (200mg). I came off the first two quickly and somewhat easily after a few months. I had heard bad things about benzos and antipsychotics and so fought against the advice of my psychiatrist to make sure I didn't end up stuck on them forever to function. I stayed on the Sertraline as I was led to believe it was safe.

However, after getting very ill in July 2023, I forgot to take my meds for a few days and accidentally went through withdrawal. I suddenly realised just how much the "safe" drug has taken from me. Although withdrawal was terrible and painful in every way, suddenly I felt fully back in the present moment. I could think, I could laugh, I could cry. I could see everything around me in full HD. I could walk for more than 15 mins without being exhausted. I didn't realise how long it had been since I could do all of those things. But then, a week later I fully stabilised on 100mg of Sertraline, and everything went back to being grey. I am badly depersonalised, I have extreme brain fog and anhedonia, I often have no appetite and no energy to even leave my bed. Bit by bit, my life has gotten emptier and emptier over the last 4 years - I have lost friends, jobs, opportunities, experiences, and more, as all I've wanted to do is stay under the covers and stare at the ceiling all day. And until that week, I hadn't noticed or cared in the slightest. 

Since that wake-up call, I have made it my aim to safely taper down and get off this poison once and for all. I want my life back.

 

I am currently on 25mg of Sertraline, but still have all the issues that have plagued me even when I was on 200mg - brain fog, cognitive dysfunction, no energy, no short term memory, and no emotions. It honestly feels like my soul has died. 

 

When I taper, I have a week where emotions (mainly negative) come back and I feel a little clearer in my head. But once I stabilise on the lower dose, I go back to being numb. 

 

The hardest part of all of this is I worked so incredibly hard to improve my life and had a blossoming creative career right before I was polydrugged in 2020, and it's not like I can take a massive break and just stop working - I have rent and bills to pay. I work freelance as this allows me to charge a higher day rate, and thus work less days per month. Somehow I force myself to keep networking, getting jobs, and creating work for clients, even though my creativity feels utterly dead and on many days just writing an email feels impossible. I honestly don't know how I do it. Some clients have still loved my work, but I've definitely ruined my reputation in some circles, burned a few bridges, and lost work (and a lot of money) due to making silly mistakes. 

 

At the moment, it's looking like another 2 to 3 years until I'm off completely, if I want to taper safely. The idea of this fills me with dread as I have no idea how I'm meant to keep working like this for such a long period of time. By the time I'm off the drugs and feeling myself again, I won't have a career to come back to. 

 

I have a few questions.

 

1.) Has anyone else had these severe side effects from Sertraline? If so, at what dose did you find them lessening? I know everyone is different but it would mean so much to have a glimmer of hope, if many people found improvement at 10mg or 5mg for example.  

 

2.) Should I switch meds? If Sertraline causes me this much trouble, would it make sense to jump over to Prozac and then taper from there? Or would this risk sensitising my nervous system more? 

 

3.) Should I use stimulants? 2 years ago I was diagnosed with ADHD and given stimulant medication. They did help the brain fog. However, since going through withdrawal I have avoided taking them in case it causes more damage for my brain. But am I just being overly cautious? 

 

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read this post. And to anyone going through a similar situation, my heart goes out to you. I wouldn't wish any of this on my worst enemy. 

[KenA]

Hi @waitingonamiracle and welcome to Surviving Antidepressants

 

Here is some information for you on tapering and side effects of Sertraline

 

 

 

Micro-taper instead of 10% or 5% decreases
 

The Brassmonkey Slide Method of Micro-tapering

 

Here is some information on different symptoms you may be experiencing

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?
 
About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms
 
The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Please see this for information about switching meds

 

 

 

 

1 hour ago, waitingonamiracle said:

3.) Should I use stimulants?

I personally would avoid them as they can be activating to our CNS which is delicate at this point in time. 

 

 

This is your introduction topic -- the place for you to ask questions, record symptoms, share your progress, and connect with other members of the SA community.  I hope you’ll find the information in the SA forums helpful for your situation.  I'm sorry that you are in the position that you need the information, but I am glad that you found us.

[waitingonamiracle]

@KenA Thank you!