SaintRassilon: My story and what are my chances of recovery?

[SaintRassilon]

Was stable for 2 years on Lexapro (Escitalopram) for severe GAD that developed after dad died (dosages between 20-30 mg, was on 20 mg at time). I was put on Asenapine January 2023 (10 mg) for persecutory delusions, never had better or more restorative sleep. Only side effects were a slight numbness in right foot (disappeared after cessation) and one pupil less dilated than the other (still present).

 

Took an overdose of doxylamine (500 mg) to get high, first time, had severe adverse reaction (burning skin, anxiety, insomnia). Ever since then haven't had more than 5 hours sleep in a night, always broken, never feels restorative. Suffered debilitating anxiety and heart palpitations afterwards with burning skin, use to drink 6 shots of coffee per day prior to overdose but cannot tolerate any caffeine whatsoever now. Started taking valium up to 30 mg every 2-3 days for a month.

 

Ended up in psychiatric ward where I was cold turkey'd off valium and Lexapro raised to 30 mg. Strangely parts off my hands began to go numb. One month later, still with debilitating anxiety + heart palpitations but with burning skin gone, ended up back in psychiatric ward. Psychiatrist took me off Lexapro cold turkey (within days developed POTS, still got it), immediately put me on Baclofen 50 mg and Clonazepam 4 mg daily. 2 weeks later took me off Asenapine cold turkey and put me on Sertraline 200 mg over 3 days (50, 100, 200 mg), suffered severe burning skin on instatement of 200 mg dosage. Was put on Gabapentin 300 mg 3 times a day by psychiatrist to reduce this. 

 

After leaving hospital worse than on arrival, tapered off Baclofen under GP care. Under outpatient mental health care team and with additional advice of a neurologist was tapered off Sertraline due to the burning skin (gone now). Anxiety and sleep completely unresolved so trialed on Brexpiprazole 0.5 mg, only lasted 4 days due to unbearable body aches. Tried to reinstate Lexapro starting at 5 mg in October (4 months after cessation) but only lasted 4 days due to adverse reaction (burning skin, even worse sleep, even worse anxiety). Had to accept that body was now too sensitive to medications. 

 

Despite being in worst physical and mental condition in my life I began tapering clonazepam so as to avoid long term issues with the drug. I plan to tapering off the Gabapentin as well so I am completely drug free. 

 

Symptoms I still have after Doxylamine overdose:

- Insomnia (<5 hours, never restorative)

 

Physical symptoms I still have since ceasing all SSRIs:

- Erectile dysfunction (premature ejaculation, cannot get full erection) -> PSSD?

- POTS (heartrate jumps to 100-120 whenever upright and walking around, jumps to 170 during light exercise). 

- Hair loss

- Acne (use to have perfect skin)

- Moles continue to appear

- TMJ

- Muscle twitches (less than what began after Lexapro cessation but still occurs on occasion). 

- Skin that goes red and creases with any pressure whatsoever really easily.

- Eustachian tube dysfunction (ears click loudly every time I swallow) 

- Tinnitus (worsening as I come off clonazepam)

- Visual snow (worsening as I come off clonazepam)

- Extreme sensitivity to light

- Eye floaters

 

Mental symptoms I still have since ceasing all SSRIs:

- Anxiety

- Depression and extreme irritability 

- Brain fog

- Memory of a goldfish

- Extreme difficulty reading, speaking and thinking (getting worse as I come off clonazepam)

 

I am 24 going on 25 mid-year. What are my chances of recovering and what can I do to help this process?

[LotusRising]

Hi @SaintRassilon

 

Welcome to SA,

 

We are a peer-run volunteer site dedicated to a harm reduction tapering approach in an effort to minimize withdrawal symptoms. We suggest tapering by no more than 10% of your most recent dose each month. See  Why taper by 10%. It looks as though you've been on quite a carousel of drugs with many med switches and CT's, which we do not recommend. 

 

You mention all the above symptoms starting once you ceased SSRi's, which was in June 2023? You were put on clonazepam in June, followed by gabapentin in July? Did any of your symptoms improve with the addition of these two drugs? Did you start tapering both at the same time? 

 

These two links will help you to understand withdrawal syndrome:

 

What is Withdrawal Syndrome?

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

When we take medication, the CNS responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS must then undo all the changes that were made. As the changes are undone, symptoms may occur. You can expect that they will follow 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization  and since the CNS likes stability, we suggest to Keep it simple, slow and stable. We don't recommend tapering more than one drug at a time.

 

What has been your taper rate with the gabapentin? It sounds like your inclination is to get off the drugs quickly, which I understand. But this is not always the best route. It looks as though some of your symptoms are getting worse as you taper, so my initial recommendation would be to hold to allow time for your CNS to catch up. 

 

I've given you lots of info here. Please take some time to check out the links and answer the above questions and we will do our best to help you out. Just to offer some reassure, it WILL get better and there are many here who have been in similar situations and gone on to recover. 

 

Please post any updates or questions related to your specific situation right here in your thread. It's helpful to keep everything related to your tapering journey in one spot. 

 

Once again, welcome

 

LotusRising

 

[SaintRassilon]

@LotusRising Thanks for your response. The burning skin and anxiety improved on the clonazepam and the gabapentin removed the burning for the most part. However, after 6 weeks I developed a tolerance to the clonazepam so I began my taper after the Sertraline was out of my system. With the skin burning having ceased with the Sertraline out of my system I began tapering the gabapentin, reducing by 100 mg every 2 weeks until I reached 500 mg (I started at 900 mg). I did do this simultaneously with the clonazepam but once the withdrawal became too overwhelming I stopped reducing the gabapentin in November 2023.

I am now only reducing the clonazepam. I am at 0.625 mg at the moment and reducing by 0.125 mg every 2 weeks. 

 

Do you by any chance know much about recovering from insomnia and whether my other symptoms can heal without the recommended minimum of 7 hours of sleep? I have been only able to sleep for <5 hours a night since March 2023 starting from my doxylamine overdose. Prior to this I was sleeping 7 to 9 hours every night. Whilst in hospital June-July last year the psychiatrist threw everything at me but I still couldn't sleep more than 5 hours (at one point I was taking 2 mg clonazepam, 300 mg gabapentin, 25 mg baclofen and 5 mg nitrazepam before bed). 

[LotusRising]

17 hours ago, SaintRassilon said:

I am now only reducing the clonazepam. I am at 0.625 mg at the moment and reducing by 0.125 mg every 2 weeks.

How are your symptoms currently? We recommend holding until symptoms settle. It sounds like you've already been doing this? And as already mentioned, we do not recommend tapering by more than 10% each month of your most current dose. For some, not all, it can get a little more difficult as the dose gets lower.

 

17 hours ago, SaintRassilon said:

whether my other symptoms can heal without the recommended minimum of 7 hours of sleep?

Yes, your body can still heal with less sleep, but at 5 hours or less you're actually getting a pretty decent amount of sleep. Many, including myself, have gone several weeks and even months with less than 5 hours and still gone on to recover. Sleep is something that will also improve with time. I recommend following a sleep hygiene routine every night to simulate normal circadian rhythms - even if you don't necessarily sleep the entire night.

 

 

 

[SaintRassilon]

@LotusRising my current symptoms are:

 

 

Physical symptoms I still have since ceasing all SSRIs:

- Erectile dysfunction (premature ejaculation, cannot get full erection) -> PSSD?

- POTS (heartrate jumps to 100-120 whenever upright and walking around, jumps to 170 during light exercise). 

- Hair loss

- Acne (use to have perfect skin)

- Moles continue to appear

- TMJ

- Muscle twitches (less than what began after Lexapro cessation but still occurs on occasion). 

- Skin that goes red and creases with any pressure whatsoever really easily.

- Eustachian tube dysfunction (ears click loudly every time I swallow) 

- Tinnitus (worsening as I come off clonazepam)

- Visual snow (worsening as I come off clonazepam)

- Extreme sensitivity to light

- Eye floaters

 

Mental symptoms I still have since ceasing all SSRIs:

- Anxiety

- Depression and extreme irritability 

- Brain fog

- Memory of a goldfish

- Extreme difficulty reading, speaking and thinking (getting worse as I come off clonazepam)

[SaintRassilon]

What I'm most concerned about right now are whether any of the symptoms that really bother me are permanent. Right now what bothers me the most are the extreme cognitive difficulties, tinnitus, visual snow (seeing static everywhere), eustachian tube dysfunction (ear clicking with swallow) and insomnia.

 

An issue worth noting is that even on Lexapro 20 mg I still suffered from anxiety (a comorbidity of being on the autism spectrum). I also experienced mild paranoid delusions until being put on asenapine (an anti-psychotic) which then fully stabilised me/reduced anxiety further. However the doxylamine overdose (which I took just to get high, first time trying that drug) did something to me where I then experienced difficulty sleeping, anxiety and a hyper-sensitivity to multiple medications which led me to later hospitalisations. 

 

I shouldn't have been taken off the lexapro in the first place however now I have to live without it (as stated in first post, tried reinstating at 5 mg later 2023 but experienced terrible side effects). The psychiatrist who treated me in the second hospital believed the doxylamine was inconsequential to my symptoms of increased anxiety and insomnia and that the lexapro was no longer working for me. He also believed I shouldn't have been put on asenapine. However I distrust his judgement after his treatment (see first post) caused the myriad of issues I now have. I'm also trapped in the sense that I seemingly can't tolerate any SSRIs now after my reactions to the sertraline I was placed on in second hospital and then trying to reinstate lexapro later. 

[Erimus]

It’s unlikely any of the symptoms you have will be permanent. Your brain has been pummelled with insane amounts of psychiatric drugs and dosages over the last year. Given the right environment it will heal, you just have to learn to be gentle and patient with it.

[LotusRising]

Yes, I guess I was wondering if your symptoms have changed at all over time since stopping the SSRI's? They tend to follow a windows and waves pattern as you heal. Did you get a chance to read through this link in my first post?

 

11 hours ago, SaintRassilon said:

An issue worth noting is that even on Lexapro 20 mg I still suffered from anxiety

 

This isn't unusual, as it can be stimulating for many people, much like many of the SSRI's.

 

Did you suffer from delusions prior to taking lexapro, or did this occur once you started lexapro?

 

11 hours ago, SaintRassilon said:

'm also trapped in the sense that I seemingly can't tolerate any SSRIs now

I would argue that many of us feel free, not trapped, now that we're no longer on medication. I know this may not help how you're feeling right now, but saying you're trapped somewhat implies that you have no choices or paths forward. As mentioned already, these symptoms will definitely improve, but coping with them in the interim will require learning some coping skills.

 

Have you read through any of the threads here:

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Gonzo]

You have good chances of recovery because you're young and have the spirit to go through all this.

[SaintRassilon]

@LotusRising I read the information you posted. I am still experiencing all the symptoms I listed and some of these (tinnitus, visual disturbances) are getting worse as I come off the clonazepam.

My paranoid thoughts predated the lexapro. 

 

I am wondering whether now after being CT'd in hospital from Lexapro whether I can reinstate it. I just don't know if as a naturally extremely anxious person with autism as well as PTSD from my father's death as to whether I can survive without a medication of some sort.

 

If you believe it possible for me to reinstate Lexapro at this point, what dosage would you recommend and at what rate? 

[SaintRassilon]

Does anybody have any suspicions or ideas on why when I took the massive doxylamine overdose of 500 mg (I was on lexapro 20 mg and asenapine 10 mg at the time, stable and anxiety-free) I immediately became sensitised to all drugs (e.g. caffeine), experienced skin burning, extreme akathisia, extreme anxiety, heart palpatations and, now, lasting insomnia despite having been dosed with multiple sedatives over time?

 

I know the above question is unrelated to antidepressant withdrawal but I'm just throwing it out there. 

[LotusRising]

15 hours ago, SaintRassilon said:

Does anybody have any suspicions or ideas on why when I took the massive doxylamine overdose of 500 mg (I was on lexapro 20 mg and asenapine 10 mg at the time, stable and anxiety-free) I immediately became sensitised to all drugs (e.g. caffeine), experienced skin burning, extreme akathisia, extreme anxiety, heart palpatations and, now, lasting insomnia despite having been dosed with multiple sedatives over time

I expect it destabilized your nervous system. Then the other drugs were added, which may have confused your system even more.

 

You were CT'd from the lexapro in June 2023, is that correct?

[SaintRassilon]

@LotusRising Yes CT'd June 2023. After getting off Sertraline tried reinstating Lexapro at 5mg (probably around October) but within 4 days I had terrible body aches burning skin. 

[SaintRassilon]

Symptom I just read about that I believe I have: DPDR. I feel like I have been living a dream for months.

 

Really starting to doubt I'll ever get better due to how much my brain has been chemically attacked this past year. I think of suicide often, nearly went through with it a couple days ago. 

[SaintRassilon]

I just read about Tim Nicholas' (Acetvl) story. He was on Saphris 10 mg for 6 months like me, he passed away during withdrawal. I don't want to suffer for years. I can't bear this any longer. I need help. 

[LotusRising]

On 2/19/2024 at 10:29 PM, SaintRassilon said:

Really starting to doubt I'll ever get better due to how much my brain has been chemically attacked this past year.

I think a lot of us feel this way when we get here, so I don't think you're alone in this thought. But what we've seen is that over time, everyone improves, albeit very slowly. Have you read through any of the success stories? 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/forum/28-success-stories-recovery-from-psychiatric-drug-withdrawal/

 

It sounds like you've been through quite a lot in the last number of years, but there's every reason to believe that you'll improve. Have you noticed any changes to your symptom pattern? Did you read the link on windows and waves?

 

The below threads may also help:

 

 

[SaintRassilon]

Are there any cold turkey success stories?

[Emonda]

53 minutes ago, SaintRassilon said:

Are there any cold turkey success stories?

 

Here is a Cold Turkey success story (different meds to you):

 

 

 

[KenA]

@SaintRassilon I found this site when I was about 8 months off of a CT quit so probably about where you are right now. I healed and so will you. You just have to hang in there and let your body heal. Give it the time it needs to get through this. You will get better! Focus on distraction. Make the time pass! The more time that passes, the closer you are to the goal line!! You've got this!

[SaintRassilon]

I haven't slept properly for a year. 1-5 hours broken. How am I supposed to heal without sleep? 

[LotusRising]

2 hours ago, SaintRassilon said:

I haven't slept properly for a year. 1-5 hours broken. How am I supposed to heal without sleep?

Healing is always happening!

 

I used to worry about the lack of sleep too. For the longest time, I was waking every 1.5-2hrs and some nights no sleep at all. I've improved despite this, so I really do think that time is the greatest healer. I believe you will heal too. 

[SaintRassilon]

Is my age on my side? As in am I likely to recover faster being only 24 going on 25?

 

[jtarchin]

When younger I was prescribed other SSRI and had withdrawals for only a few days. With Paxil this was not the case. I'm 66 now and the past year has been hell on earth. Now knowing what I know I wouldn't encourage anyone to stay on them for very long. This approach has to be weighed against whatever condition is being treated however. Overall I've noticed my ego is more vulnerable as I age so being younger would give your ego a little more resilience.

[SaintRassilon]

@LotusRising is my brain damaged? Also am I more likely to recover due to my youth in spite of the CT's? 

[LotusRising]

I don't know if you're ikely to recover faster than others, but I think you will heal just like everyone else. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason as to why some people can just jump off their medications without issue, while others cannot. 

 

[Hello20]

@SaintRassilon

Can I ask how you're doing now?

[Hello20]

@LotusRising

Can I ask what are you tapering off?

[LotusRising]

@Hello20

 

I am no longer tapering. 

[Hello20]

@LotusRisingI'm scared, I feel like I might have kindled myself. I was on 10 mg of Saphris and was instructed by my psychiatrist to wean of at 2.5mg per a month, which I did. I got down to 2.5 mg and started to have psycosis and insomnia so went back up to 7.5mg. I didn't sleep on the 1st night but then slept for 3 nights but tonight the insomnia is back.

Do you think I've kindled myself or is this withdrawals?

[Hello20]

Saphris is a bad drug.