Peach: My story

[Peach]

Hello all,

this is my story. I was put on 10 mg Lexapro in January 2014 for mild depression (I now know it definitely did not need the meds), and was on it until April 2023. I was doing okay during that time. Then last April as my partner and I started thinking about trying for a baby, and as I also had been feeling good for quite a while, I decided to stop taking the meds. I followed my GPs orders and tapered too quickly over a few weeks, alternating 10 and 5 mg doses, and then 5 and 0 mg doses. I guess it could be characterized as going CT. I experienced brain zaps and flu-like symptoms for a while, also an increase in anxiety, and most noticeably, started having great trouble sleeping. Then in September 2023 I crashed completely, had near constant severe akathisia, anxiety and depression-like symptoms, and couldn't sleep at all. My doctor made me try different ADs and other drugs for sleep (mianserin, mirtazapin, zopiclone, alimemazine, and other antihistamines), without the desired effect. He then suggested I go back on Lexapro and we disastrously I reinstated at 10 mg in October 2023.

 

I didn't know anything about tapering, WDs etc until I came over an article on a psychology website about a known comedian from Oslo (I'm Norwegian) who detailed his experience getting of psychiatric drugs, and finally found this website. 

 

I am now experiencing what I think is both WDs and kindling symptoms, and have started tapering again from 10 mg, currently at 8.5 mg, and am taking very slowly. But I'm so scared, having read so many of your stories. Any words of advice or encouragement?

[Peach]

Hello everyone,

I am a 30 year old woman diem Norway. Glad to be here. Here's my story.

 

I was put on Lexapro in January 2014 for mild depression (now I know I did not need the meds). Was on them until April 2023, when I had felt fine for quite some time, and was thinking about trying for a baby, so I decided to get off the meds. 

 

My GP suggested I "taper", which I did, too fast, alternating 10 mg and 5 mg doses for a few weeks, then 5 mg and 0 mg doses for a few weeks before jumping off. I experienced brain zaps and flu-like symptoms for a while but managed to deal with it. Then started having increasing anxiety symptoms, sleep disturbances, heart palpitations and concentration problems, until I completely crashed in September 2023. My symptoms then were near constant, and included severe akathisia, anxiety and depression-like symptoms, insomnia, physical symptoms and cognitive issues. 

 

I did not know this was withdrawal - I thought it was burn out or stress due to my high pressure job (as a therapist - which is saying something about how little is known about AD withdrawal amongst health care workers). My GP had me try several different ADs and other drugs for sleep disturbances (mirtazapine, mianserine, zopiclone, alimemazine), and also suggested I go back on Lexapro. So I disastrously reinstated it at 10 mg (not knowing anything about kindling etc) in October, and have since been experiencing what is probably both WDs and kindling symptoms. 

 

I am now, after having found this website, tapering slowly off 10 mg and am currently at 8.5 mg (started in January). Doing 5-10% cuts. I'm so scared about my future and wanted to know if you have any words of advice or encouragement for the road that lies ahead. 

 

Peach 🌸

[Emonda]

Welcome @Peach

Sorry to hear of your experience...it is all too common.

 

As I read your introduction, WD symptoms and kindling came to mind....a few paragraphs later, you'd written that yourself. 

 

Here are a few useful links:

 

The 1st is for anyone else who has been told to skip doses or alternate doses: Never skip doses to taper

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage? You've worked this one out now. The reduction you make each month should get smaller and smaller.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) Can you relate to the items on this list?

 

The Brassmonkey Slide Method of Micro-tapering. I taper following this method. I find it more tolerable.

 

Windows and waves pattern of stabilization: You have good days, average days, good days, bad days, good days etc.

 

I find these links helpful: Emotional Spirals and Non-drug coping strategies

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but two that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. Add one at a time and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

Avoid alcohol. 

 

18 hours ago, Peach said:

Any words of advice or encouragement?

 

Time and patience are your friends on this journey. Also, have a read of the success stories.

 

This is your own Introduction topic.  Each member has only ONE Introduction topic.  Your own Introduction topic is the best place to ask questions and the place to journal your progress.  This keeps your history in one place and means you do not have to repeat your story. 

 

Once again, welcome to S.A.

 

Emonda

[Peach]

3 hours ago, Emonda said:

Welcome @Peach

Sorry to hear of your experience...it is all too common.

 

As I read your introduction, WD symptoms and kindling came to mind....a few paragraphs later, you'd written that yourself. 

 

Here are a few useful links:

 

The 1st is for anyone else who has been told to skip doses or alternate doses: Never skip doses to taper

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage? You've worked this one out now. The reduction you make each month should get smaller and smaller.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) Can you relate to the items on this list?

 

The Brassmonkey Slide Method of Micro-tapering. I taper following this method. I find it more tolerable.

 

Windows and waves pattern of stabilization: You have good days, average days, good days, bad days, good days etc.

 

I find these links helpful: Emotional Spirals and Non-drug coping strategies

 

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but two that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. Add one at a time and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

Avoid alcohol. 

 

 

Time and patience are your friends on this journey. Also, have a read of the success stories.

 

This is your own Introduction topic.  Each member has only ONE Introduction topic.  Your own Introduction topic is the best place to ask questions and the place to journal your progress.  This keeps your history in one place and means you do not have to repeat your story. 

 

Once again, welcome to S.A.

 

Emonda

@Emonda thank you so much for your reply. It helps knowing that someone knows and understands. 

 

Would you recommend I do a brassmonkey slide instead of the regular 10% cut? I'm not sure how to cut in tiny amounts (I now dissolve a 10 mg pill in 50 ml water and remove 7.5 ml, I also have a digital scale).

 

And does anyone know if it is possible to reverse kindling, i.e., can one heal from this?

 

(PS - I realized after posting my second introduction topic that the first one hadn't been approved yet and that's why I couldn't find it. Tried to delete one of them but couldn't make it work). 

 

Peach

 

[Emonda]

On 3/4/2024 at 7:12 PM, Peach said:

Would you recommend I do a brassmonkey slide instead of the regular 10% cut?

 

You need to find what works for you. For me, 10% in one go was too much.

 

I use 0.5ml syringes to help with the Brassmonkey. A little while back, I doubled the amount of water I used as the reductions were getting too small.

 

On 3/4/2024 at 7:12 PM, Peach said:

And does anyone know if it is possible to reverse kindling, i.e., can one heal from this?

 

Time, patience and a slow taper...

[Peach]

3 hours ago, Emonda said:

 

You need to find what works for you. For me, 10% in one go was too much.

 

I use 0.5ml syringes to help with the Brassmonkey. A little while back, I doubled the amount of water I used as the reductions were getting too small.

 

 

Time, patience and a slow taper...

Thanks again for your reply! Do you just dissolve your meds in water or do you use a suspension? 

 

 

[Peach]

Hello again! 

Just figured out that I've been measuring wrongly - have dissolved 10 mg in what seems to be between 50 and 55 ml of water. According to my taper this would now put me at 8.2-8.0 mg, but I don't have any way of knowing for sure. I now this is a big difference for later on. What would you suggest I do? 

 

Edit: measured again with another syringe several times, 54 ml is the amount I get, so I'll go from there. 

Edited April 2, 2024 by Peach

[poohstix]

It seems you and I have very similar stories! It does get better, though! The way I feel today is head and shoulders better than a year ago, and it's better than even 3-6 months ago. Once I accepted the fact that one way or another this taper is going to take a long time, I got more comfortable with holding when in doubt and taking it slow.

 

A few things I noticed over the course of my journey are: 1) even 10 percent cuts may be too much. I'm currently doing 2-3 percent cuts monthly and feel minimal symptoms and 2) taking the medication at the exact same time each day can also go a long way. I'm talking minute to minute exact. In the past, I would vary it by 1-2 hours because I slept in on weekends, and I felt worse. 3) Some people on this site have observed that you can "build up stability." If you've been minimally symptomatic for a long period of time, then subsequent cuts *may* be easier. So maybe you can heal from kindling. It's basically a destabilization of your nervous system, but with time all things stabilize. I like to think of it as a branch shaking in the wind. Once the wind dies down it does cease shaking, but it can take a while if the branch is thin. If the branch is thick, it'll stop sooner. A kindled or unstable system is a thin branch. 

[Peach]

@poohstix thank you so much for your advice and tips! I also think the 10% cuts are too much. And I will definitely make sure I'm taking my dose at the exact same time from now on. 

 

My main problem after my previous "taper" and throughout this process has been and still is insomnia. I sleep maybe 2-3 hours from 3-4 a.m. onwards these days, i.e. I have trouble both falling and staying asleep. How do you sleep now?

 

I have started work again and it would be really helpful to be able to get some more sleep. 

 

 

[Emonda]

22 minutes ago, Peach said:

I also think the 10% cuts are too much.

 

Plenty of us (me included) can't manage 10%. You've just got to adjust to find what works for you.

 

23 minutes ago, Peach said:

And I will definitely make sure I'm taking my dose at the exact same time from now on. 

 

Set an alarm on your phone.

 

23 minutes ago, Peach said:

My main problem after my previous "taper" and throughout this process has been and still is insomnia.

 

That problem is common to most of us. This provides some assistance: Melatonin for sleep

 

Best wishes

[poohstix]

18 hours ago, Peach said:

@poohstix thank you so much for your advice and tips! I also think the 10% cuts are too much. And I will definitely make sure I'm taking my dose at the exact same time from now on. 

 

My main problem after my previous "taper" and throughout this process has been and still is insomnia. I sleep maybe 2-3 hours from 3-4 a.m. onwards these days, i.e. I have trouble both falling and staying asleep. How do you sleep now?

 

I have started work again and it would be really helpful to be able to get some more sleep. 

 

 

My sleep has gradually improved over time, along with all the other symptoms. Right now my sleep is back to what was normal for me prior to all of these issues with lexapro. It improved in fits and starts - over time there were more good night and fewer bad nights, though for a while it felt like any given night was a roll of the dice. I totally agree, insomnia is among the most disruptive and frustrating symptoms, both as a side effect and as withdrawal.

 

I've gone down the same road as you early on in trying various different medications and supplements to try and deal with the insomnia, but unfortunately nothing helped very much. And trying to use a chemical to solve a problem caused by another chemical can just create more problems in the long run, so I think any supplements or medications should be approached with caution. The only thing, medication of supplement-wise, that worked halfway-decently for me was valerian root, probably because it has a lot of magnesium in it -- you might have read about magnesium supplements on this site. Some other people like magnesium glycinate as a calming, sleep-inducing supplement, but it didn't work for me. 

 

In terms of non medication interventions for sleep, I tried various things, and they helped somewhat. Since they're non-medication, I think they can't hurt. They included: 1) green or brown noise (kind of like white noise, but different pitch), soft nature sounds while falling asleep 2) eye mask and blackout drapes to keep the sun out in the early morning hours (I still have the drapes and love them) 3) magnesium foot soaks before bed 4) showers, massages, yoga, meditation, cuddling with significant other, avoiding screentime for 1 hours before bed, all the usual sleep hygiene things. That said, at one point I had an extensive, two hour long bedtime routine that included all of the above and how much did it improve things? I'm not sure... It still didn't keep me from being awake for hours sometimes. 

 

 

Also, what DIDN'T work for me was trying to exercise and do a bunch of things every day to try to "tire myself out." I actually suspect I have exercise intolerance as a result of withdrawal, and exercise actually makes things worse. 

 

At the end of the day, what helped me get through the insomnia was the perspective that people can exist on small amounts of sleep, and while it's not good mentally or physically, they get through it. I mean, think of parents of young children, or people with chronic pain that keeps them up, or people whose jobs require them to be on call. It also helped me to break a couple of well-known sleep hygiene rules. For instance, conventional wisdom says that you should get out of bed if you can't sleep for an hour. Well, I came to think of simply resting in bed with my eyes closed or dozing as better than nothing. If I'm not sleeping, I am still resting, and that counts for something and helps my recovery. So even if I couldn't sleep, I'd just tell myself, "ok, then I will just let my body rest." Also, they say people with insomnia shouldn't nap as sleeping during the day can worsen sleep at night, but since I was so short on sleep overall, I decided, "I'll take it when I can get it," and would similarly let myself nap or rest with my eyes closed when I felt tired and had a free period of time during the day. Finally, on occasion my significant other would perceive me as sleeping when I thought I was not -- so I got a fitbit to officially track my sleep, and lo and behold, I realized that even on bad nights, I was sleeping more than I thought I was. It's just that sometimes when you're in a state of light sleep, you may feel like you're still awake. This reassured me that if there wasn't as much "wrong" as I thought, if that makes sense, and made me feel more confident in facing my day.

 

Best of luck, I hope some of this may help you!

[Peach]

On 6/8/2024 at 4:29 AM, poohstix said:

My sleep has gradually improved over time, along with all the other symptoms. Right now my sleep is back to what was normal for me prior to all of these issues with lexapro. It improved in fits and starts - over time there were more good night and fewer bad nights, though for a while it felt like any given night was a roll of the dice. I totally agree, insomnia is among the most disruptive and frustrating symptoms, both as a side effect and as withdrawal.

 

I've gone down the same road as you early on in trying various different medications and supplements to try and deal with the insomnia, but unfortunately nothing helped very much. And trying to use a chemical to solve a problem caused by another chemical can just create more problems in the long run, so I think any supplements or medications should be approached with caution. The only thing, medication of supplement-wise, that worked halfway-decently for me was valerian root, probably because it has a lot of magnesium in it -- you might have read about magnesium supplements on this site. Some other people like magnesium glycinate as a calming, sleep-inducing supplement, but it didn't work for me. 

 

In terms of non medication interventions for sleep, I tried various things, and they helped somewhat. Since they're non-medication, I think they can't hurt. They included: 1) green or brown noise (kind of like white noise, but different pitch), soft nature sounds while falling asleep 2) eye mask and blackout drapes to keep the sun out in the early morning hours (I still have the drapes and love them) 3) magnesium foot soaks before bed 4) showers, massages, yoga, meditation, cuddling with significant other, avoiding screentime for 1 hours before bed, all the usual sleep hygiene things. That said, at one point I had an extensive, two hour long bedtime routine that included all of the above and how much did it improve things? I'm not sure... It still didn't keep me from being awake for hours sometimes. 

 

 

Also, what DIDN'T work for me was trying to exercise and do a bunch of things every day to try to "tire myself out." I actually suspect I have exercise intolerance as a result of withdrawal, and exercise actually makes things worse. 

 

At the end of the day, what helped me get through the insomnia was the perspective that people can exist on small amounts of sleep, and while it's not good mentally or physically, they get through it. I mean, think of parents of young children, or people with chronic pain that keeps them up, or people whose jobs require them to be on call. It also helped me to break a couple of well-known sleep hygiene rules. For instance, conventional wisdom says that you should get out of bed if you can't sleep for an hour. Well, I came to think of simply resting in bed with my eyes closed or dozing as better than nothing. If I'm not sleeping, I am still resting, and that counts for something and helps my recovery. So even if I couldn't sleep, I'd just tell myself, "ok, then I will just let my body rest." Also, they say people with insomnia shouldn't nap as sleeping during the day can worsen sleep at night, but since I was so short on sleep overall, I decided, "I'll take it when I can get it," and would similarly let myself nap or rest with my eyes closed when I felt tired and had a free period of time during the day. Finally, on occasion my significant other would perceive me as sleeping when I thought I was not -- so I got a fitbit to officially track my sleep, and lo and behold, I realized that even on bad nights, I was sleeping more than I thought I was. It's just that sometimes when you're in a state of light sleep, you may feel like you're still awake. This reassured me that if there wasn't as much "wrong" as I thought, if that makes sense, and made me feel more confident in facing my day.

 

Best of luck, I hope some of this may help you!

@poohstix thank you so much for your incredibly helpful advice and great perspective on things -- it sounds like you've gotten to a place where you're handling this really, really well. I hope to get there too one day! 

 

I've tried working with a sleep therapist and she recommended everything you're mentioning re: sleep hygiene. It worked for a while but then as I dropped again, sleep worsened once more. I think you're right about getting rest when you can and will definitely try to remember that when I'm lying in bed. As for the supplements, I have tried magnesium glycinate, but I can't say I feel like it has made any difference. What you're saying about chemicals also make a lot of sense. I'll try the natural "stick it out" routine and see how it goes. 

 

Thanks again - I feel so validated reading your replies:)