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soulsearcher searches for lost soul


soulsearcher

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Hello.

I'm now in my 30's and my psychiatric journey took off bigtime when I was 16.

 

My current issues are anhedonia, apathy, emotional anesthesia, cognitive dullness, focusing difficulties, poor memory and dampened creativity. I have not felt human in years. I now accept that all these problems can be due to the psychiatric drugs despite what the doctors claim.

 

History

 

My history is confusing even to me, and I think I can give the most credit for the drugs I was on. My memories are foggy and I worry I'm mixing up stuff, so I'd rather keep it vague than end up confidently saying something that's not true.

 

I began to have issues with anxiety when I was a young teen. Around that time I was given Seronil, but I don't think I used it for long. My issues deepened beyond mere anxiety, and when I was 16-17 they gave me Risperdal, but the side-effects rendered it useless. They tried Leponex, but bloodwork showed it was unusable for me as well. This time is a vague blur in my head, so if they tried any other drugs during this time, I can't for the life of me remember. At some point they settled for Seroquel (quetiapine), dose varying from 400mg to 800mg. I'm fairly sure it was 2010. Later on they added Sertralin 150mg to the mix.

 

Tapering and recent changes

 

  • In 2017 I had ECT treatment, and it improved my depression enough to give me the confidence to taper Seroquel despite all the fearmongering of the doctors. The treatment absolutely wrecked my memory though, so no matter how bad it gets, I do not want to rely on ECT again. I tapered until I settled for 25mg of Ketipinor (quetiapine) so I can sleep. 
  • I tapered off Sertralin as well and I got clean in 2019-2020, I think. The most noticeable withdrawal symptoms (brain zaps, anxiety, nausea) have passed, but I wonder if the less noticeable ones (apathy etc.) should be thought as withdrawal symptoms as well.
  • I tried Voxra 150mg (bupropion) on 2023 summer and stopped around November. The drug helped with my energy levels for some time but then it stopped. I stopped taking it without issues. 
  • I switched Ketipinor to Mirtazapin in 2023 Fall/Winter. 

 

Right now I'm only on Mirtazapin, and I take 1/4th of the pill for sleep. However, lately I've been entertaining the idea of dropping that as well. 

 

Questions

 

  1. Could even 25mg of quetiapine taken for sleep keep the apathy, anhedonia and emotional blunting ongoing? Because I listened to the doctors I assumed it couldn't, but now that I have been without it for about half an year I wonder if the small improvements are due to dropping quetiapine or if it's just a coincidence. 
  2. Can a small amount (1/4th of 15mg pill) of Mirtazapin cause apathy and emotional blunting issues? Am I being paranoid in thinking taking it for sleep is holding me trapped in my issues?
  3. Has using psych drugs from the age 16 onwards caused irreversible damage? Am I going to be like this forever?
     

Seronil trial, discontinued 

Risperdal trial, discontinued

Leponex trial, discontinued

Seroquel Prolong 600mg-800mg, 2010~2017, discontinued

Sertralin Orion 150mg, 2012~2019, discontinued

Ketipinor 25mg, 2017-2023, discontinued

Voxra 150mg, 2023-2023 (~6 months), discontinued

Mirtazapin <15mg, 2023-2024 (~7 or 8 months), discontinued

 

Recovering from emotional anesthesia. Waves of emotional instability. 

 

 

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  • Moderator

Hi @soulsearcher, and welcome to SA!  We are a community of volunteers providing peer support in the tapering of psychiatric medications, and their associated withdrawal syndromes.  

 

Thank you for completing your drug signature. 

 

I'm so very sorry for all you have been through. I completely understand when you say you have not felt human in years.  My journey started at age 21, and I am now 51.  I have no idea what it is like to really FEEL your emotions anymore.  It's been so long since I've felt like a normal human being, I can't remember what it's like.  I think it's terrible that you started these drugs as a teenager- our brains aren't even fully mature until our mid-20s!  It's so sad that we were not fully informed when we started taking these meds.  However, what's done is done, and now we can only move forward, toward a more positive future. 

 

I'm curious about how you tapered from your various psychiatric medications over the years- you mention tapering and stopping, but I suspect your tapers were rather rapid, if you were following your doctor's advice.  This can lead to protracted withdrawal (read more here), and I strongly suspect that's why you are feeling the way you are right now.  Here on SA, we recommend tapering at a very slow rate, of 10% of the current dose (so, 10mg-9mg-8.1mg- 7.29mg and so on) no more frequently than every four weeks.  This is called hyperbolic tapering, and it serves to minimize the withdrawal symptoms.  If you choose to proceed with tapering your mirtazepine, I would recommend that you follow this tapering plan.  Read more about the importance of hyperbolic tapering here: Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

That being said, with all the rapid changes you've made over the years, I suspect your nervous system is extremely destabilized, and it would probably pay for you to hold your mirtazepine dose for a while- maybe a long while- until you stabilize a bit more.  When you taper from these medications, the brain and body starts to heal slowly, and as you heal, you will have waves of symptoms, interspersed with windows, where you feel more normal.  Read more here about the windows and waves pattern of stabilization:  The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization.  Are you having any windows at this time?  Or are your symptoms just always present?

 

The symptoms that you describe are all very well-known withdrawal effects.  So you are absolutely NOT alone. The good news is that healing can and will happen for you, but it's going to take time and patience.  Please read the following links to understand more how these drugs affect your brain, and what to expect during the recovery process:

Are We There Yet? &nbsp;How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take?

Is it always going to be like this?

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

What is happening in your brain?

 

So the drugs themselves have not likely caused any permanent damage, but healing is a long, slow, frustrating road at times.  I can't fully speak about your ECT, but I will say that there are some studies showing that there can be long term cognitive effects.  BUT- brain fog and memory problems are also withdrawal symptoms, so I do have great hope that you will see improvement in these symptoms over time.  We are here for you every step of the way!

 

This is your personal introduction topic- please continue to post updates and questions on this thread.  I have found it very helpful to engage with other members on their threads- it helps you feel much less alone.  You WILL get through this, and find a brand new you on the other side!  Hang in there @soulsearcher!!!

1995- 2007- On and off multiple antidepressants (Prozac, Paxil, Effexor, Wellbutrin, escitalopram). Memory poor- can’t remember dates. Always tapered fast or CT.  2007- tapered Wellbutrin, zopiclone and escitalopram over one month to get pregnant.  Withdrawal hell for many years.

2009- Daughter born 🥰 Post partum depression/psychosis- no meds taken.

2016- Back on escitalopram due to job change/anxiety

2022- Severe covid infection- Diagnosed with long covid 08/22.

2023- 01/23- Long term disability approved for long covid.  Started taper under MD advice from 20mg: 11/23- 15mg. 2024- March-10mg. Started low dose naltrexone for long covid-5mg- terrible reaction, reduced to 0.5mg.  April- 10mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 1- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 15- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  June 12- 8.5mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 8- Brassmonkey micro taper started.  8.4mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 15- 8.3mg esc, 1.5mg LDN.  July 18 8.3mg esc, 2.0mg LDN

 

Supplements/other meds: Vitamin D, B12, Claritin

 

I am not a doctor.  I don't even play one on TV.  This is not medical advice, but based on personal experience.  Please consult a medical professional.

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Hello Catwoman73. Thank you for your message and approving of my topic.

 

In regards to my tapering, I can't remember anything standing out other than Sertralin surprising me with how wicked a "harmless" SSRI could be when you begin tapering. From what I remember, tapering Seroquel went smoothly. I did not lessen the amount until I felt stable from the previous lessening. I thought my tapers were slow and safe, but when I hear about people taking as much as 5 years for tapering, I'm not so sure anymore. And yes, they were done with doctor's advice, but in retrospect I don't know how much their opinion can be trusted when they were the ones who claimed Sertralin can be quit easily.

 

The early drug trials weren't tapered. They were simply stopped quite swiftly once it became apparent the drug was unusable for me. 
Voxra (wellbutrin) I could not break down as the pill was extended release. I did not experience any withdrawal symptoms from it nor do I regret taking it. I think it encouraged me into doing things during its "honeymoon period", and even when I no longer have its benefits, I still have the lesson it taught me with me. 

 

I find "windows" and "waves" to be useful concepts. I especially relate to how when you are in a wave, it makes everything look like you haven't made any progress ever. It's difficult for me to gauge my progress realistically, because my subjective experience is prone to such fluctuation, and in the end I don't know what to believe. However, if I look at the big picture, I am not the same person as I was while on drugs. From purely objective standpoint, if I ignore all the subjective fluctuations, I am more functional. I cook, I exercise, I live on my own, I read (although calling it reading is debatable with how much I zone out), I write, I'm looking into education options... It's just that I tend to get hung up on the problems I have and then they take up my mental landscape. I want to say I do have windows. I no longer have symptoms I could effortlessly pin on the drugs I've been, but my brain's capacities certainly fluctuates, but I wouldn't go as far as to call them windows of normalcy. I do not have normal emotional intensity. That, too, fluctuates but I don't think it has yet reached something I'd call "normal" at any point.

 

Thank you for your encouragement. In a way, it's comforting to know that full recovery takes time. The slowness of it bothers me less when I know it's what's "supposed" to happen. I accept reality much better when I can be confident in what the reality is in the first place. What's done is done and now I simply must support my brain in its attempt to get all the pieces back together. 
 

Seronil trial, discontinued 

Risperdal trial, discontinued

Leponex trial, discontinued

Seroquel Prolong 600mg-800mg, 2010~2017, discontinued

Sertralin Orion 150mg, 2012~2019, discontinued

Ketipinor 25mg, 2017-2023, discontinued

Voxra 150mg, 2023-2023 (~6 months), discontinued

Mirtazapin <15mg, 2023-2024 (~7 or 8 months), discontinued

 

Recovering from emotional anesthesia. Waves of emotional instability. 

 

 

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  • Moderator
10 hours ago, soulsearcher said:

In regards to my tapering, I can't remember anything standing out other than Sertralin surprising me with how wicked a "harmless" SSRI could be when you begin tapering. From what I remember, tapering Seroquel went smoothly. I did not lessen the amount until I felt stable from the previous lessening. I thought my tapers were slow and safe, but when I hear about people taking as much as 5 years for tapering, I'm not so sure anymore. And yes, they were done with doctor's advice, but in retrospect I don't know how much their opinion can be trusted when they were the ones who claimed Sertralin can be quit easily.

 

The early drug trials weren't tapered. They were simply stopped quite swiftly once it became apparent the drug was unusable for me. 
Voxra (wellbutrin) I could not break down as the pill was extended release.
 

Yes, I think many of us were guided to taper our medications too quickly, by MDs whose opinions on tapering have been guided by pharmaceutical companies.  And when the pharmaceutical companies continue to state that 'withdrawal is mild and short-lived,' you can see that even the doctors are victims in a way as well.  That being said, I certainly wish they would listen to their patients when we complain of severe and protracted withdrawal- we would be much further ahead in this battle if they just listened!  But instead, groups like this are needed to spell out the truth.  Progress is being made, but just like healing, it's very slow!

 

I don't doubt that all the drug introductions and stops you have experienced making your current situation what it is... the good news is that, with patience and time, it will get better!  You just have to hang in there!

 

10 hours ago, soulsearcher said:

I did not experience any withdrawal symptoms from it nor do I regret taking it. I think it encouraged me into doing things during its "honeymoon period", and even when I no longer have its benefits, I still have the lesson it taught me with me. 
 

 You have a wonderful attitude, and that will take you far on this journey!  Looking backwards with regret serves no purpose- all we can do is move forward.  And to be able to see that these drugs did serve you for a time is an amazing positive spin on your current situation.  I have moments of regret, but for the most part, I try to view my current tapering challenges as a bit of an adventure, and a new me is waiting on the other side.  That helps me to look at my symptoms from a rather clinical standpoint- I see the bad days as an interesting part of the adventure.  Attitude really is everything on this journey!

 

10 hours ago, soulsearcher said:

I find "windows" and "waves" to be useful concepts. I especially relate to how when you are in a wave, it makes everything look like you haven't made any progress ever. It's difficult for me to gauge my progress realistically, because my subjective experience is prone to such fluctuation, and in the end I don't know what to believe. However, if I look at the big picture, I am not the same person as I was while on drugs. From purely objective standpoint, if I ignore all the subjective fluctuations, I am more functional. I cook, I exercise, I live on my own, I read (although calling it reading is debatable with how much I zone out), I write, I'm looking into education options... It's just that I tend to get hung up on the problems I have and then they take up my mental landscape. I want to say I do have windows. I no longer have symptoms I could effortlessly pin on the drugs I've been, but my brain's capacities certainly fluctuates, but I wouldn't go as far as to call them windows of normalcy. I do not have normal emotional intensity. That, too, fluctuates but I don't think it has yet reached something I'd call "normal" at any point.

 

Thank you for your encouragement. In a way, it's comforting to know that full recovery takes time. The slowness of it bothers me less when I know it's what's "supposed" to happen. I accept reality much better when I can be confident in what the reality is in the first place. What's done is done and now I simply must support my brain in its attempt to get all the pieces back together. 
 

Standing back and looking at the big picture is a great way to see that you are making progress.  I use this site as something of a journal, providing a small update most days (I also have a personal symptom journal, where I can be less professional lol).  This allows me to look back at all the progress I've made, and see that windows do happen, even when I'm stuck in a nasty symptom wave. 

 

Windows don't have to be feeling perfectly normal- though they can be.  Sometimes, the symptoms just lift enough that you can function a little bit better than you did previously.  'Normal' will likely come much later for you, and that's ok!  As long as you have moments of reprieve, that's a great sign that you are progressing.   One day at a time!

 

I'm glad I could help, even a little bit.  Please keep us updated, and if you have questions, ask away!  That's what we're here for! :)

1995- 2007- On and off multiple antidepressants (Prozac, Paxil, Effexor, Wellbutrin, escitalopram). Memory poor- can’t remember dates. Always tapered fast or CT.  2007- tapered Wellbutrin, zopiclone and escitalopram over one month to get pregnant.  Withdrawal hell for many years.

2009- Daughter born 🥰 Post partum depression/psychosis- no meds taken.

2016- Back on escitalopram due to job change/anxiety

2022- Severe covid infection- Diagnosed with long covid 08/22.

2023- 01/23- Long term disability approved for long covid.  Started taper under MD advice from 20mg: 11/23- 15mg. 2024- March-10mg. Started low dose naltrexone for long covid-5mg- terrible reaction, reduced to 0.5mg.  April- 10mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 1- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 15- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  June 12- 8.5mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 8- Brassmonkey micro taper started.  8.4mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 15- 8.3mg esc, 1.5mg LDN.  July 18 8.3mg esc, 2.0mg LDN

 

Supplements/other meds: Vitamin D, B12, Claritin

 

I am not a doctor.  I don't even play one on TV.  This is not medical advice, but based on personal experience.  Please consult a medical professional.

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On 6/18/2024 at 6:07 PM, Catwoman73 said:

Yes, I think many of us were guided to taper our medications too quickly, by MDs whose opinions on tapering have been guided by pharmaceutical companies.  And when the pharmaceutical companies continue to state that 'withdrawal is mild and short-lived,' you can see that even the doctors are victims in a way as well.  That being said, I certainly wish they would listen to their patients when we complain of severe and protracted withdrawal- we would be much further ahead in this battle if they just listened!  But instead, groups like this are needed to spell out the truth.  Progress is being made, but just like healing, it's very slow!

Indeed. I can't really blame the doctors about this. On paper, they've done exactly what they've been expected to do. To divert from treatment guidelines on a whim wouldn't spell for trustworthy behavior either. It's just that the guidelines aren't very well informed currently, and the waters get muddied further with pharmaceutical companies funding research. It's a mess, but if this is reversible then I can totally live with it. From all the challenges life could throw my way, this seems pretty manageable.

 

On 6/18/2024 at 6:07 PM, Catwoman73 said:

Windows don't have to be feeling perfectly normal- though they can be.  Sometimes, the symptoms just lift enough that you can function a little bit better than you did previously.  'Normal' will likely come much later for you, and that's ok!  As long as you have moments of reprieve, that's a great sign that you are progressing.   One day at a time!

It's reassuring to know the windows aren't defined as periods of complete normalcy. It means I'm progressing as expected and I don't have to worry about if I should do something about it. 

 

I'm glad to have found this site. I noticed an improvement in my mood ever since. For the longest time I wracked my brain trying to figure out what kind of psychological malaise could be making me feel this way. The most basic explanation would be that my psyche is somehow "defending" me by dampening my emotions or some variation of that. I accepted the explanation because I really didn't have anything else and began working my ass off to figure out how to be... undefended, I guess. I went to therapy, I psychoeducated myself, the whole nine yards. For someone who was afraid of something inside themselves, I sure spent a ton of time and resources to find the thing I was afraid of. Sure, I have my own psychological knots as we all do, but none of it really gave a satisfactory explanation to this weird mess I'm in. This ate up so much of my mental RAM every day for such a long time, and if the reason for my issues is just these drugs then... I have no puzzles to find and solve up here, and that is incredibly liberating. It has been so frustrating to see my mind as this treacherous thing that's keeping secrets from me and blocking me from attaining a state of normalcy by being an obstinate coward.

Once I'm out of this, I really, really need to distance myself from all things psychology and psychiatry, because I feel like they are these strange areas that are capable of breeding more problems than they solve.

Seronil trial, discontinued 

Risperdal trial, discontinued

Leponex trial, discontinued

Seroquel Prolong 600mg-800mg, 2010~2017, discontinued

Sertralin Orion 150mg, 2012~2019, discontinued

Ketipinor 25mg, 2017-2023, discontinued

Voxra 150mg, 2023-2023 (~6 months), discontinued

Mirtazapin <15mg, 2023-2024 (~7 or 8 months), discontinued

 

Recovering from emotional anesthesia. Waves of emotional instability. 

 

 

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  • Moderator
7 hours ago, soulsearcher said:

Once I'm out of this, I really, really need to distance myself from all things psychology and psychiatry, because I feel like they are these strange areas that are capable of breeding more problems than they solve.

While I do lean towards being VERY anti psychiatry these days, for obvious reasons, I do have a wonderful therapist who has helped me process childhood trauma that I didn't even start acknowledging until I was in my late 40s!  So I think there are some useful mental health professionals out there, but good ones are VERY hard to find.  I dream of a day when fantastic trauma informed mental health professionals are abundant, and are the first line of defence when mental health issues pop up.  We have a long way to go, though. 

 

I'm so glad to hear you are feeling reassured.  This site is wonderful for that.  None of us like to feel alone, and here, you will certainly find lots of people who can relate to your story.  I look forward to following your journey- keep us updated.  Wishing you more windows than waves! :)

1995- 2007- On and off multiple antidepressants (Prozac, Paxil, Effexor, Wellbutrin, escitalopram). Memory poor- can’t remember dates. Always tapered fast or CT.  2007- tapered Wellbutrin, zopiclone and escitalopram over one month to get pregnant.  Withdrawal hell for many years.

2009- Daughter born 🥰 Post partum depression/psychosis- no meds taken.

2016- Back on escitalopram due to job change/anxiety

2022- Severe covid infection- Diagnosed with long covid 08/22.

2023- 01/23- Long term disability approved for long covid.  Started taper under MD advice from 20mg: 11/23- 15mg. 2024- March-10mg. Started low dose naltrexone for long covid-5mg- terrible reaction, reduced to 0.5mg.  April- 10mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 1- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 15- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  June 12- 8.5mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 8- Brassmonkey micro taper started.  8.4mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 15- 8.3mg esc, 1.5mg LDN.  July 18 8.3mg esc, 2.0mg LDN

 

Supplements/other meds: Vitamin D, B12, Claritin

 

I am not a doctor.  I don't even play one on TV.  This is not medical advice, but based on personal experience.  Please consult a medical professional.

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I'm writing this to have a reminder for myself.

 

Alcohol helps me tremendously. It takes away the anxiety I didn't even realize I had and I get a moment's reprieve and this makes me very, very worried. I can see myself turning an alcoholic if I don't pay attention now. But the question is, how do I get effects of alcohol without alcohol? The closest I have is meditation. Should I just commit to that and hope it brings about stronger effects down the road?

 

I think this low grade "invisible" anxiety is messing up a lot of my ability to enjoy life. I don't feel anxious necessarily, but I'm not at ease either. It's strange, because my dullness made me think I lean more towards the tired end of the spectrum than the wired end of it. How can I shed this low grade anxiety? I'm not anxious about anything in particular. It's really just an ambient, general unease that's become my new normal. (Although there are windows.)  

Seronil trial, discontinued 

Risperdal trial, discontinued

Leponex trial, discontinued

Seroquel Prolong 600mg-800mg, 2010~2017, discontinued

Sertralin Orion 150mg, 2012~2019, discontinued

Ketipinor 25mg, 2017-2023, discontinued

Voxra 150mg, 2023-2023 (~6 months), discontinued

Mirtazapin <15mg, 2023-2024 (~7 or 8 months), discontinued

 

Recovering from emotional anesthesia. Waves of emotional instability. 

 

 

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  • Moderator
On 6/22/2024 at 1:55 AM, soulsearcher said:

I'm writing this to have a reminder for myself.

 

Alcohol helps me tremendously. It takes away the anxiety I didn't even realize I had and I get a moment's reprieve and this makes me very, very worried. I can see myself turning an alcoholic if I don't pay attention now. But the question is, how do I get effects of alcohol without alcohol? The closest I have is meditation. Should I just commit to that and hope it brings about stronger effects down the road?

 

I think this low grade "invisible" anxiety is messing up a lot of my ability to enjoy life. I don't feel anxious necessarily, but I'm not at ease either. It's strange, because my dullness made me think I lean more towards the tired end of the spectrum than the wired end of it. How can I shed this low grade anxiety? I'm not anxious about anything in particular. It's really just an ambient, general unease that's become my new normal. (Although there are windows.)  

Alcohol may be helping you in the short term, but I can assure you that it is making your recovery/stabilization much more challenging.  It can keep you in a destabilized state.  Same with THC or other recreational drugs.  I've even had great difficulties with neuroactive antibiotics setting me back for months at a time.  So, it is best to avoid these things at all costs.  

 

Meditation is wonderful, and I'm glad you've had some relief with that.  I incorporate meditative states into so many activities in my life, because it really does help!  I'm learning to be present a lot more with meditation, and to find the joy in simple activities, like taking a walk, or even doing the dishes lol. It definitely helps keep that low grade anxiety that you speak of at bay.  Making a commitment to meditation rather than alcohol sounds like a very good plan to me.  Outside of the regular sit down and meditate type of sessions, try adding meditation to other things- when out for a walk, focus on the beauty around you.  If your mind wanders or starts to ruminate for feel anxious, just acknowledge those thoughts, and bring your mind back to focusing on what is around you.  When doing the dishes, focus on the warmth of the water, the feel and weight of each dish, etc.  It takes a LOT of practice, but eventually this will become your normal way of being.  I'm not quite there yet lol- like most of us, I'm a work in progress!  But these activities have made my life so much more pleasant!

1995- 2007- On and off multiple antidepressants (Prozac, Paxil, Effexor, Wellbutrin, escitalopram). Memory poor- can’t remember dates. Always tapered fast or CT.  2007- tapered Wellbutrin, zopiclone and escitalopram over one month to get pregnant.  Withdrawal hell for many years.

2009- Daughter born 🥰 Post partum depression/psychosis- no meds taken.

2016- Back on escitalopram due to job change/anxiety

2022- Severe covid infection- Diagnosed with long covid 08/22.

2023- 01/23- Long term disability approved for long covid.  Started taper under MD advice from 20mg: 11/23- 15mg. 2024- March-10mg. Started low dose naltrexone for long covid-5mg- terrible reaction, reduced to 0.5mg.  April- 10mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 1- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 15- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  June 12- 8.5mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 8- Brassmonkey micro taper started.  8.4mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 15- 8.3mg esc, 1.5mg LDN.  July 18 8.3mg esc, 2.0mg LDN

 

Supplements/other meds: Vitamin D, B12, Claritin

 

I am not a doctor.  I don't even play one on TV.  This is not medical advice, but based on personal experience.  Please consult a medical professional.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Posted (edited)

I'm writing an update because I'm currently sick and spending time in bed is making my mind spiral and I needed something to do.

 

I ended up listening to the persistent voice inside that told me to work on getting off Mirtazapine. It's a little embarrassing to admit as I'm aware it might not be the wisest decision, but something in me demanded that I try. I do not mean to disrespect the advice given to me. I'm very, very thankful for the wise words I have received but whenever I get this strong, persistent sense of having to do something, it feels like betraying myself if I do not follow it. 

 

I expected some withdrawal symptoms, but I'm not afraid of them. They are manageable. However, A couple of days ago I fell ill with flu and being bedbound isn't good for my mind, and I believe this particular flavor of unsoundness stems from withdrawal. It's strangely similar to the anxiety I felt when I was getting off Sertralin, but not exactly. This anxiety is nothing like the nagging unease I described in my previous post about alcohol. This anxiety makes me feel emotionally needy and helpless in ways I find a little strange for an adult, and it includes a sense of seeing myself as somehow horribly, terribly flawed.

 

It's a strange experience to have, because I have a friend who I think has talked about this kind of emotional state. I feel like in this moment I can understand them. It's not pleasant at all, and it includes this sense of deep dependency which makes you feel absolutely helpless. In a small way, I'm glad I'm visiting such a state. My emotional numbness makes it so that I feel like a fraud whenever I try to offer people empathy, but right now I feel like I could offer it for them without feeling fake. It's too bad they're busy with other things right now. 

 

To think even such complex thought-feeling aggregate could be reduced to oscillating neurotransmitters... Our brains are so weird.

 

EDIT: I realized the feeling broke because I was grateful for it. There's something funny about this but I struggle to put my finger on what it exactly is. 

Edited by soulsearcher

Seronil trial, discontinued 

Risperdal trial, discontinued

Leponex trial, discontinued

Seroquel Prolong 600mg-800mg, 2010~2017, discontinued

Sertralin Orion 150mg, 2012~2019, discontinued

Ketipinor 25mg, 2017-2023, discontinued

Voxra 150mg, 2023-2023 (~6 months), discontinued

Mirtazapin <15mg, 2023-2024 (~7 or 8 months), discontinued

 

Recovering from emotional anesthesia. Waves of emotional instability. 

 

 

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  • Moderator
10 minutes ago, soulsearcher said:

I ended up listening to the persistent voice inside that told me to work on getting off Mirtazapine. It's a little embarrassing to admit as I'm aware it might not be the wisest decision, but something in me demanded that I try. I do not mean to disrespect the advice given to me. I'm very, very thankful for the wise words I have received but whenever I get this strong, persistent sense of having to do something, it feels like betraying myself if I do not follow it. 

Are you saying that you've stopped your mirtazapine?  Or just tapered it?  As you know, we certainly do not recommend cold turkey stops- withdrawal can escalate quickly.  If you feel compelled to start moving towards getting off rather than holding for now, tapering according to the hyperbolic method described in my original post is your best bet for remaining functional as you proceed.  Keep track of your symptoms in a journal, and if things escalate, you can do a small updose to see if it helps ease things a bit.  And no worries about proceeding with a taper, even though we've advised holding for a while- it's your body, and you know what's best for you!

 

17 minutes ago, soulsearcher said:

A couple of days ago I fell ill with flu and being bedbound isn't good for my mind, and I believe this particular flavor of unsoundness stems from withdrawal. It's strangely similar to the anxiety I felt when I was getting off Sertralin, but not exactly. This anxiety is nothing like the nagging unease I described in my previous post about alcohol. This anxiety makes me feel emotionally needy and helpless in ways I find a little strange for an adult, and it includes a sense of seeing myself as somehow horribly, terribly flawed.

 

 

Being ill will absolutely exacerbate withdrawal symptoms.  That would likely help to explain why you feel emotionally needy.  I've had several bouts of illness since I started tapering, and each one set me back a bit.  Taking antibiotics set me WAAAAY back.  This is a good time to stick with the meditation, engage in some distraction (I watch a lot of silly movies when I'm sick- mindless stuff that won't make me feel anything negative).  Give yourself more time than you think you need to recover.  It takes some patience, but you can get through it! 

 

Feel better soon @soulsearcher!!!  I'll be thinking about you!

1995- 2007- On and off multiple antidepressants (Prozac, Paxil, Effexor, Wellbutrin, escitalopram). Memory poor- can’t remember dates. Always tapered fast or CT.  2007- tapered Wellbutrin, zopiclone and escitalopram over one month to get pregnant.  Withdrawal hell for many years.

2009- Daughter born 🥰 Post partum depression/psychosis- no meds taken.

2016- Back on escitalopram due to job change/anxiety

2022- Severe covid infection- Diagnosed with long covid 08/22.

2023- 01/23- Long term disability approved for long covid.  Started taper under MD advice from 20mg: 11/23- 15mg. 2024- March-10mg. Started low dose naltrexone for long covid-5mg- terrible reaction, reduced to 0.5mg.  April- 10mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 1- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 15- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  June 12- 8.5mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 8- Brassmonkey micro taper started.  8.4mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 15- 8.3mg esc, 1.5mg LDN.  July 18 8.3mg esc, 2.0mg LDN

 

Supplements/other meds: Vitamin D, B12, Claritin

 

I am not a doctor.  I don't even play one on TV.  This is not medical advice, but based on personal experience.  Please consult a medical professional.

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48 minutes ago, Catwoman73 said:

Are you saying that you've stopped your mirtazapine?  Or just tapered it?  As you know, we certainly do not recommend cold turkey stops- withdrawal can escalate quickly.  If you feel compelled to start moving towards getting off rather than holding for now, tapering according to the hyperbolic method described in my original post is your best bet for remaining functional as you proceed.  Keep track of your symptoms in a journal, and if things escalate, you can do a small updose to see if it helps ease things a bit.  And no worries about proceeding with a taper, even though we've advised holding for a while- it's your body, and you know what's best for you!

It's difficult for me to properly portray the amounts, but I try. My normal amount was 1/4th of the 15mg pill, and I halved this normal amount. I believe this makes the new amount 1,8mg? I was on this until I felt like I could just drop it. It's not quite cold-turkey but it's not hyperbolic tapering either. I'm aware I'm not following the recommendation and the failure to do so is a little embarrassing to me. 

 

49 minutes ago, Catwoman73 said:

Being ill will absolutely exacerbate withdrawal symptoms.  That would likely help to explain why you feel emotionally needy.  I've had several bouts of illness since I started tapering, and each one set me back a bit.  Taking antibiotics set me WAAAAY back.  This is a good time to stick with the meditation, engage in some distraction (I watch a lot of silly movies when I'm sick- mindless stuff that won't make me feel anything negative).  Give yourself more time than you think you need to recover.  It takes some patience, but you can get through it! 

I have also entertained myself by meditating but during these times when I'm already under fatigue due to illness it just puts me to sleep lol. Not that I complain. Sleeping feels great.

 

It's interesting that you mention antibiotics especially having an effect on your recovery, and I can't help but wonder if it's due to gut microbiota taking a hit. When I researched help for anhedonia, there was this lady who had to take large doses of antibiotics and somehow this sent her into a long lasting anhedonia. Of course, I don't know if your setback was at all related to anhedonia, but it made me think about this story. 

 

Thank you for your support and I hope you have a pleasant day.

Seronil trial, discontinued 

Risperdal trial, discontinued

Leponex trial, discontinued

Seroquel Prolong 600mg-800mg, 2010~2017, discontinued

Sertralin Orion 150mg, 2012~2019, discontinued

Ketipinor 25mg, 2017-2023, discontinued

Voxra 150mg, 2023-2023 (~6 months), discontinued

Mirtazapin <15mg, 2023-2024 (~7 or 8 months), discontinued

 

Recovering from emotional anesthesia. Waves of emotional instability. 

 

 

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  • Moderator
2 minutes ago, soulsearcher said:

It's difficult for me to properly portray the amounts, but I try. My normal amount was 1/4th of the 15mg pill, and I halved this normal amount. I believe this makes the new amount 1,8mg? I was on this until I felt like I could just drop it. It's not quite cold-turkey but it's not hyperbolic tapering either. I'm aware I'm not following the recommendation and the failure to do so is a little embarrassing to me. 

 

I have also entertained myself by meditating but during these times when I'm already under fatigue due to illness it just puts me to sleep lol. Not that I complain. Sleeping feels great.

 

It's interesting that you mention antibiotics especially having an effect on your recovery, and I can't help but wonder if it's due to gut microbiota taking a hit. When I researched help for anhedonia, there was this lady who had to take large doses of antibiotics and somehow this sent her into a long lasting anhedonia. Of course, I don't know if your setback was at all related to anhedonia, but it made me think about this story. 

 

Thank you for your support and I hope you have a pleasant day.

Don't be embarrassed... many of us try to push things, despite knowing better.  I think it's human nature, and some of us are particularly drawn to pushing ourselves hard, if only to see how much we can tolerate (yes, I'm talking about me lol).  If this is the path you want to try, all you can do is track your symptoms, and prepare to backtrack a little bit if your symptoms become unbearable.  

 

Sleep is good- if you can sleep, do it!  Withdrawal can take that away from you, so enjoy it!  My sleep is absolutely awful, so appreciate what you have!

 

Most of our serotonin is made in the gut, so anything that disturbs our gut health is going to cause setbacks for those of us in withdrawal.  That includes antibiotics- like you said, it disturbs the gut microbiome, so it will throw our serotonin production out of whack as well.  It is what it is- I had a sinus infection in January that was becoming positively unbearable.  At the three week mark, I made the choice to take antibiotics, knowing that my taper would be affected.  We have to make the best decisions we can for ourselves in the moment.  It's all part of this crazy life adventure, right?  I was tolerating my taper quite well until I took that antibiotic, but since then, the lows have most definitely been lower.  All the while, I was under a great deal of stress as well with multiple deaths in the family, we moved to a new home, my daughter had a very busy schedule, so I was losing sleep.  Life is full of interruptions and setbacks- all we can do is keep practicing our non-drug coping skills, and wait for the challenges to pass!

1995- 2007- On and off multiple antidepressants (Prozac, Paxil, Effexor, Wellbutrin, escitalopram). Memory poor- can’t remember dates. Always tapered fast or CT.  2007- tapered Wellbutrin, zopiclone and escitalopram over one month to get pregnant.  Withdrawal hell for many years.

2009- Daughter born 🥰 Post partum depression/psychosis- no meds taken.

2016- Back on escitalopram due to job change/anxiety

2022- Severe covid infection- Diagnosed with long covid 08/22.

2023- 01/23- Long term disability approved for long covid.  Started taper under MD advice from 20mg: 11/23- 15mg. 2024- March-10mg. Started low dose naltrexone for long covid-5mg- terrible reaction, reduced to 0.5mg.  April- 10mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 1- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 15- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  June 12- 8.5mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 8- Brassmonkey micro taper started.  8.4mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 15- 8.3mg esc, 1.5mg LDN.  July 18 8.3mg esc, 2.0mg LDN

 

Supplements/other meds: Vitamin D, B12, Claritin

 

I am not a doctor.  I don't even play one on TV.  This is not medical advice, but based on personal experience.  Please consult a medical professional.

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On 7/6/2024 at 10:27 PM, Catwoman73 said:

Don't be embarrassed... many of us try to push things, despite knowing better.  I think it's human nature, and some of us are particularly drawn to pushing ourselves hard, if only to see how much we can tolerate (yes, I'm talking about me lol).  If this is the path you want to try, all you can do is track your symptoms, and prepare to backtrack a little bit if your symptoms become unbearable.  

Thank you!

 

On 7/6/2024 at 10:27 PM, Catwoman73 said:

I had a sinus infection in January that was becoming positively unbearable.  At the three week mark, I made the choice to take antibiotics, knowing that my taper would be affected.  We have to make the best decisions we can for ourselves in the moment.  It's all part of this crazy life adventure, right?  I was tolerating my taper quite well until I took that antibiotic, but since then, the lows have most definitely been lower.  All the while, I was under a great deal of stress as well with multiple deaths in the family, we moved to a new home, my daughter had a very busy schedule, so I was losing sleep.  Life is full of interruptions and setbacks- all we can do is keep practicing our non-drug coping skills, and wait for the challenges to pass!

Oh dear. The timing of that sinus infection was terrible. I'm sorry for everything that happened, and I'm impressed you pulled through. I wish you the best of luck with your journey, too. We can do this. 

Seronil trial, discontinued 

Risperdal trial, discontinued

Leponex trial, discontinued

Seroquel Prolong 600mg-800mg, 2010~2017, discontinued

Sertralin Orion 150mg, 2012~2019, discontinued

Ketipinor 25mg, 2017-2023, discontinued

Voxra 150mg, 2023-2023 (~6 months), discontinued

Mirtazapin <15mg, 2023-2024 (~7 or 8 months), discontinued

 

Recovering from emotional anesthesia. Waves of emotional instability. 

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Overall I'm doing much better. The itching went away promptly, which I'm actually the most pleased about. I hated that a lot. I sleep reasonably well, save for jolting awake earlier than I'd like. However, considering how I feared I could never fall asleep without the help of drugs, I really shouldn't complain at all. I'm sleeping, and I'm sleeping a reasonable amount and that's a huge win. 

 

What seems to be a thing now is my emotions doing weird things at times. It's not constant which is great, but at times I have these windows where I just feel... very off. There's this black noise in the back of my mind that makes me feel either guilty, weirdly needy or just worried in general in ways that twist my perception of reality. I still have my voice of reason I follow, but my emotions are making these bad thoughts feel more real. This is making me feel vulnerable in ways I'm not sure how to come in terms with.

 

It's not all bad even on that front, though. For the first time in a long, long time I had a moment of genuinely wanting to realize something creative, and I wrote a bit. This is making me wonder if these are waves of instability due to the withdrawal or if these are windows of becoming who I was, but who I've forgotten all about. 
 

Seronil trial, discontinued 

Risperdal trial, discontinued

Leponex trial, discontinued

Seroquel Prolong 600mg-800mg, 2010~2017, discontinued

Sertralin Orion 150mg, 2012~2019, discontinued

Ketipinor 25mg, 2017-2023, discontinued

Voxra 150mg, 2023-2023 (~6 months), discontinued

Mirtazapin <15mg, 2023-2024 (~7 or 8 months), discontinued

 

Recovering from emotional anesthesia. Waves of emotional instability. 

 

 

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  • Moderator

I'm so glad to hear there's been some significant improvements!  :)

 

31 minutes ago, soulsearcher said:

What seems to be a thing now is my emotions doing weird things at times. It's not constant which is great, but at times I have these windows where I just feel... very off. There's this black noise in the back of my mind that makes me feel either guilty, weirdly needy or just worried in general in ways that twist my perception of reality. I still have my voice of reason I follow, but my emotions are making these bad thoughts feel more real. This is making me feel vulnerable in ways I'm not sure how to come in terms with.
 

 

I think we all go through this to varying degrees.  I do find it helpful to constantly remind myself when I'm feeling vulnerable that these are just emotions- they don't have the power to hurt me in any way.  And I also perpetually remind myself that emotions are a part of the human experience.  Mine have been suppressed for 30 years now, so it's like a whole new world for me, and it can be overwhelming.  I also try to engage in mindfulness when feeling like this- stay present with every task you perform.  When washing your dishes, pay attention to the feel of the warm water, the weight of the dishes, the sound of the soap suds, etc.  If your mind wanders, or the odd emotions come creeping in, just acknowledge them, and pull your brain back to being present.  Keeping the mind occupied can be very helpful, too- I'm currently doing a paint by numbers, and the intense focus that it requires can pull me out of those weird emotional states. 

 

36 minutes ago, soulsearcher said:

For the first time in a long, long time I had a moment of genuinely wanting to realize something creative, and I wrote a bit. This is making me wonder if these are waves of instability due to the withdrawal or if these are windows of becoming who I was, but who I've forgotten all about. 
 

 

I truly love this- approaching your symptoms with curiosity and interest rather than being afraid of them is a wonderful way to get through this.  Personally, when I'm having odd symptoms, I tend to label them as 'interesting' rather than scary, terrifying, or other emotional labels.  It sort of makes this all feel like some grand adventure (albeit one I would have rather avoided lol), rather than a challenging slog through awfulness.  

 

Again- congrats on your improvements, and keep up the great work!   Very happy for you!

1995- 2007- On and off multiple antidepressants (Prozac, Paxil, Effexor, Wellbutrin, escitalopram). Memory poor- can’t remember dates. Always tapered fast or CT.  2007- tapered Wellbutrin, zopiclone and escitalopram over one month to get pregnant.  Withdrawal hell for many years.

2009- Daughter born 🥰 Post partum depression/psychosis- no meds taken.

2016- Back on escitalopram due to job change/anxiety

2022- Severe covid infection- Diagnosed with long covid 08/22.

2023- 01/23- Long term disability approved for long covid.  Started taper under MD advice from 20mg: 11/23- 15mg. 2024- March-10mg. Started low dose naltrexone for long covid-5mg- terrible reaction, reduced to 0.5mg.  April- 10mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 1- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 15- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  June 12- 8.5mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 8- Brassmonkey micro taper started.  8.4mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 15- 8.3mg esc, 1.5mg LDN.  July 18 8.3mg esc, 2.0mg LDN

 

Supplements/other meds: Vitamin D, B12, Claritin

 

I am not a doctor.  I don't even play one on TV.  This is not medical advice, but based on personal experience.  Please consult a medical professional.

Link to comment
14 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

I think we all go through this to varying degrees.  I do find it helpful to constantly remind myself when I'm feeling vulnerable that these are just emotions- they don't have the power to hurt me in any way.  And I also perpetually remind myself that emotions are a part of the human experience.  Mine have been suppressed for 30 years now, so it's like a whole new world for me, and it can be overwhelming.  I also try to engage in mindfulness when feeling like this- stay present with every task you perform.  When washing your dishes, pay attention to the feel of the warm water, the weight of the dishes, the sound of the soap suds, etc.  If your mind wanders, or the odd emotions come creeping in, just acknowledge them, and pull your brain back to being present.  Keeping the mind occupied can be very helpful, too- I'm currently doing a paint by numbers, and the intense focus that it requires can pull me out of those weird emotional states. 

Thank you for bringing that to my attention! Mindfulness is indispensable tool. It's strange how just remembering to return to the breath momentarily dispels the constant barrage of delusional thoughts. It's a small window of relief, but it is a window nevertheless.  

 

I found an additional way to handle these bouts of anxiety that's potentially helpful. It may sound like repression, and if it does, it tells more about my inability to find words for what I want to say than the phenomena I'm describing. Sometimes I grasp this thought that says "Okay, but what's more important to you than yourself and how you feel? Allow that to be larger than you." If I succeed with this "shrinking" of self-importance, it abates the anxiety. It's not done in an attempt to neglect oneself or bury how one feels, but make space for something that is more worthwhile. It might be manifestation of love inside oneself, and the presence of that makes the anxiety-provoking thing irrelevant because I'm orienting my entire being towards something else. I'm not sure. It sounds silly when it's put into words like that. All I know for certain is that self-preoccupation and making oneself too "big" in one's world makes the anxiety much worse, and this thing I'm trying to describe is the opposite of it. 

 

14 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

I truly love this- approaching your symptoms with curiosity and interest rather than being afraid of them is a wonderful way to get through this.  Personally, when I'm having odd symptoms, I tend to label them as 'interesting' rather than scary, terrifying, or other emotional labels.  It sort of makes this all feel like some grand adventure (albeit one I would have rather avoided lol), rather than a challenging slog through awfulness.  

Yes! Looking at it like it's an adventure is very helpful! After all, the most lamentable thing was not feeling anything at all, having no adventure in life at all. Now I have emotional content inside me, and while it may feel strange and foreign and even scary, this is where I wanted to head towards. It might not be what I had envisioned in my mind, but it is the real version of what I wanted. I will not reject myself again because what I am is uncomfortable sometimes. Wasn't that what led me to psych drugs in the first place?

 

Thank you for your continuous and tireless support. I appreciate it. I hope your recovery is going well, and that you find moments of peace and happiness in your days. If not, then at least something that is meaningful for you, whatever emotional form that may appear in. 

Seronil trial, discontinued 

Risperdal trial, discontinued

Leponex trial, discontinued

Seroquel Prolong 600mg-800mg, 2010~2017, discontinued

Sertralin Orion 150mg, 2012~2019, discontinued

Ketipinor 25mg, 2017-2023, discontinued

Voxra 150mg, 2023-2023 (~6 months), discontinued

Mirtazapin <15mg, 2023-2024 (~7 or 8 months), discontinued

 

Recovering from emotional anesthesia. Waves of emotional instability. 

 

 

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  • Moderator
5 hours ago, soulsearcher said:

I found an additional way to handle these bouts of anxiety that's potentially helpful. It may sound like repression, and if it does, it tells more about my inability to find words for what I want to say than the phenomena I'm describing. Sometimes I grasp this thought that says "Okay, but what's more important to you than yourself and how you feel? Allow that to be larger than you." If I succeed with this "shrinking" of self-importance, it abates the anxiety. It's not done in an attempt to neglect oneself or bury how one feels, but make space for something that is more worthwhile. It might be manifestation of love inside oneself, and the presence of that makes the anxiety-provoking thing irrelevant because I'm orienting my entire being towards something else. I'm not sure. It sounds silly when it's put into words like that. All I know for certain is that self-preoccupation and making oneself too "big" in one's world makes the anxiety much worse, and this thing I'm trying to describe is the opposite of it. 

 

I love this, too!  And you describe it perfectly well.  I do find myself sometimes floating in my pool at night, looking at the stars, and feeling like I am just a very small cog in a giant wheel.  And there is peace in feeling so small and insignificant- in the knowledge that despite my suffering, this universe just keeps on marching forward.  There is so much beauty in the world and in this life that we have been gifted, and my suffering is just a tiny little ant hill on this giant planet.  I feel completely at peace just writing this!

 

5 hours ago, soulsearcher said:

Yes! Looking at it like it's an adventure is very helpful! After all, the most lamentable thing was not feeling anything at all, having no adventure in life at all. Now I have emotional content inside me, and while it may feel strange and foreign and even scary, this is where I wanted to head towards. It might not be what I had envisioned in my mind, but it is the real version of what I wanted. I will not reject myself again because what I am is uncomfortable sometimes. Wasn't that what led me to psych drugs in the first place?

 

Yes, exactly.  I never learned to properly deal with difficult or big emotions when I was young.  I suspect that's the case for many people here.  Now is the time to experience these emotions, and find healthy ways of managing them, instead of relying on a drug to numb what is difficult.  On my best days, I can almost transcend the emotions, and feel deep peace in spite of the state of the world around me.  On my worst days, I've learned to just sit with the emotions- to let them come, with the knowledge that they will absolutely pass.  Nobody feels sorrow forever- we're just not designed this way. 

 

6 hours ago, soulsearcher said:

Thank you for your continuous and tireless support. I appreciate it. I hope your recovery is going well, and that you find moments of peace and happiness in your days. If not, then at least something that is meaningful for you, whatever emotional form that may appear in. 

 

You're so welcome!  I really enjoy my work here, and it gives me purpose while I recover from long covid and continue my slow tapering journey.  ❤️

1995- 2007- On and off multiple antidepressants (Prozac, Paxil, Effexor, Wellbutrin, escitalopram). Memory poor- can’t remember dates. Always tapered fast or CT.  2007- tapered Wellbutrin, zopiclone and escitalopram over one month to get pregnant.  Withdrawal hell for many years.

2009- Daughter born 🥰 Post partum depression/psychosis- no meds taken.

2016- Back on escitalopram due to job change/anxiety

2022- Severe covid infection- Diagnosed with long covid 08/22.

2023- 01/23- Long term disability approved for long covid.  Started taper under MD advice from 20mg: 11/23- 15mg. 2024- March-10mg. Started low dose naltrexone for long covid-5mg- terrible reaction, reduced to 0.5mg.  April- 10mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 1- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.0mg LDN. May 15- 9.0mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  June 12- 8.5mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 8- Brassmonkey micro taper started.  8.4mg escitalopram, 1.5mg LDN.  July 15- 8.3mg esc, 1.5mg LDN.  July 18 8.3mg esc, 2.0mg LDN

 

Supplements/other meds: Vitamin D, B12, Claritin

 

I am not a doctor.  I don't even play one on TV.  This is not medical advice, but based on personal experience.  Please consult a medical professional.

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