☼ didiyana: 1.5 months Zoloft + Atarax

[didiyana]

Good afternoon

I'm asking for advice

 

My name is Yana, I am 24 years old, I live in St. Petersburg, Russia. Forgive me for my bad English as it is not my native language.

 

I faced very unpleasant problems for 2 years. I spent my entire pregnancy (2022-2023) in the hospital with threats of termination of pregnancy, due to a doctor’s mistake, which missed an infection - Staphylococcus aureus in a smear. At 35 weeks, placental abruption, the baby and I are in intensive care, the placenta is inflamed. Then another month of hospital after giving birth. This all greatly shook my psyche. The child survived hypoxia and we were diagnosed with perinatal damage to the central nervous system. He is now a year old and doing well. But then, the doctors scared me very much. Nervous work, I actually didn’t have maternity leave. Then my husband had an infection that could not be cured for a year, and I cured him, not the doctors.We have very bad medicine in Russia and new developments reach us late. Then polycystic ovary syndrome, estrogen - which almost killed me within 3 months, and the doctors could not understand why (my blood pressure was 170/110), after I decided to cancel estrogen myself - everything got better. Positive antinuclear factor (1:1280), and for half a year I walked with a low-grade fever, the doctors could not figure out what was wrong with me. Now I have a suspicion of systemic lupus erythematosus, I was prescribed Plaquenil, but I’m afraid to take it for now.

 

All the time after giving birth, I periodically took Atarax (since June 2023) half of 25 mg (once a month/once a week). Panic attacks appeared, and I decided to see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist prescribed Velaxin, although I wanted to try to cope with a psychologist, but the doctor assured me that these were almost vitamins (in 2018 I took one capsule of fluoxetine for a year due to an anxiety disorder). From Velaxin, with the very first dosage (I don’t remember which one), I had a panic attack that lasted 2 days, and Atarax did not relieve it. It immediately became clear that he was not suitable for me.

 

Then in February, the doctor prescribed Zoloft, as the panic attacks became even more intense. I tried to increase the dosage to 100 mg, but I had a terrible headache every day (similar to a migraine), my hands were shaking, the anxiety did not go away, and my vision was still very blurry. I reached the dosage of 75 mg, and couldn’t go any further; over the next 3 weeks I stopped taking the drug. When I switched from 50 to 25, I developed severe depression for 4 days, I understood that this was due to a decrease in dosage, then everything became fine, I took another week and stopped Zoloft. It should be canceled that during the entire time I took Zoloft (about 1.5 months), I took Atarax almost every day from 1/2 of 25 mg to 50 mg at a time.

 

For 10 days I felt good, in high spirits. But on April 7, 2024, I started experiencing withdrawal symptoms. My main symptom is derealization, but then I thought that I had vision problems, or maybe there was some kind of tumor in my head, but at the ophthalmologist and on the MRI everything turned out to be normal. And then I found this forum. Since then I have had symptoms that come and go, blurred vision, tingling in different parts of the body, pressure in the head, headache, severe depression, panic attacks, anxiety, brain fog, and the most basic and nasty symptom - derealization.
Also in April, I took Atarax symptomatically, but I can’t say that it really helped me then. There was an attempt at treatment on the 10th of May with phenazepam and fluoxetine (but after 5 days I was afraid to take it further and decided to cancel it, and for 2 weeks all the symptoms were periodic, but then they became permanent.

And also, I noticed that Atarax removes all symptoms (including derealization), all this in June. Therefore, the question is, withdrawal syndrome from Zoloft or Atarax. On June 4, I completely canceled Atarax, and 2 days later I was overcome again. Then it was bad for 5 days and I had an amazing window of 5 days, I thought that I had recovered, but a new wave was not long in coming.

 

Now what I have: Depression, severe at times, derealization, brain fog, weakness and occasional headache. Panic attacks, strange dreams are gone, anxiety is not so intense, derealization is not so strong, but it is still there, I did not have acute attacks of delirium - in April I almost went to a psychiatric clinic twice. I'm glad that my brain can return to its original state without pills. But I have a number of questions:

1. How long will this condition last?
2. Can I take Teraligen periodically when I want to feel a little better?

3. I take it that recovery is just around the corner?

Please tell me who has had a similar experience. And also, I feel obligated to say that I am worried about everything that is happening in the world at the moment, and this naturally adds to my poor health I hope my country will not affect your opinion of me 🙏

[Catwoman73]

6 hours ago, didiyana said:

I hope my country will not affect your opinion of me 🙏

Hi @didiyana, and welcome to SA!  We are a community of volunteers providing peer support in the tapering of psychiatric medications, and the associated withdrawal syndromes.  Of course your country does not affect our opinion of you- we only want to help!

 

If you could kindly complete your drug signature by clicking the following link, we would appreciate it. Drug signature.  Please include dates and dosages of everything you have taken, to the best of your ability.  Also include any supplements you might be taking as well.  You can use my signature below as an example.  This will help us know at a glance what you have taken and when, and will make it easier for us to be able to help you. 

 

I'm so sorry for all you've been through.  That is a lot of stress.

 

Your withdrawal symptoms are likely the result of both drugs.  Your nervous system has been through quite a lot over the last year, with all the psychiatric drug starts and stops, and you are now destabilized.  It is going to take a while to start feeling better, but I can assure you that you WILL feel better!  What you need now is absolute stability.  No adding or taking away of drugs, no using them intermittently to feel better.  Doing this will just continue to destabilize you.  Taking an occasional Teraligen may make you feel better in the short term, but it is doing more damage in the long run. 

 

The fact that you had a good 5 day window is an excellent sign that your body is healing.  It is absolutely normal to go through windows and waves of symptoms- see this link for further info: The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization.

 

As for your question about how long this will last, well- I wish I had a simple answer for you.  We're all very different in this regard.  Here are a couple of links to help you understand what is going on in your brain, and how much time healing can take.

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

What is happening in your brain?

Are We There Yet? How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take?

 

And a couple of links for methods of coping with withdrawal symptoms:

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

And some more info on your most troubling symptom- the derealization (yes, it is AWFUL- I can totally relate):

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/18923-derealization-or-depersonalization-dr-and-dp/

 

If I am reading correctly, you are currently free of psychiatric medications, and seeing some improvements- this is all very good.  I would definitely suggest holding steady.  Don't add anything- ride it out, try the non-drug methods of coping I linked you in above, and just hang in there.  It sounds like you're on the right path- you now just need time and patience! ❤️‍🩹

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

[didiyana]

Good day, @Catwoman73!
Thank you very much for such a detailed answer, this is the best thing I could hear in the last 2.5 months. It’s so nice to know that I’m not the only one, and I haven’t gone crazy, and these are all the consequences of the medications. It's so nice when there are people who can understand me. My husband, as a person who is skeptical about the very existence of depression, finds it difficult to understand me (although he supports me and tries to understand). 
Before that, I kept going to psychiatrists, who prescribed me even more medications, and told me that “my underlying mental illness is progressing,” and prescribed escitalopram. And after going to the Bekhterev Institute (Russian Institute of the Human Brain), the doctor prescribed me Grandaxin, Trittico and lamotrigine. I already understood that such a hellish cocktail would simply take me “to nowhere.” I hoped that there would be a person who could help me, but alas, psychiatrists are evil.

 

I didn’t find a topic, but are there any other ways to combat anxiety disorder, for example, marijuana? I don’t smoke, and I don’t recommend it to anyone, but I really wonder if this could help

 

And in general, what to do with depression if antidepressants are evil? (although, after experiencing the withdrawal syndrome, I think the rest will seem like a trifle).

 

Thank you for coordinating the links 🙏

[Catwoman73]

Hi again @didiyana!

 

I almost laughed when I saw that your psychiatrists have said that your underlying mental illness is progressing... I find that fascinating, and likely would have asked him what biochemical process is it that is actually progressing?  Because there is no proof that there is any biochemical cause for depression, despite what the media would have you believe.  Neurotransmitter imbalances are a myth.  Psychiatrists do not understand why these medications do anything to curb depression, nor do most of them have any clue about the severity and sometimes prolonged nature of withdrawal.  I can't entirely blame psychiatry- they have been lied to by the pharmaceutical industry, who continue to say that the withdrawal from these drugs is 'mild and short-lived.'  Sadly, we know better. 

 

We don't recommend marijuana here on SA.  We don't recommend anything psychoactive, as all of these meds are very unpredictable in their effects when in withdrawal.  I used to enjoy marijuana edibles from time to time, but I have given them up.  Before I found this site, I took a gummy to try to calm down from withdrawal, and I blacked out.  Almost got me a ride in an ambulance.  And then I was weeks trying to get back to baseline.  I'll just stick with my healthy diet, light exercise, and meditation, thank you!

 

As for what to do with depression, well, we are all different.  You are right though- I think most of us have realized that the 'anxiety and depression' that we had prior to getting off these drugs was NOTHING compared to the hell of withdrawal!  But I do still occasionally fall into a funk, and what has helped me is challenging my negative thoughts EVERY TIME they come up.  For example, if I feel one day that I'm a terrible person, and unworthy of love, I ask myself, "is this true?"  And I force myself to look for objective evidence that I'm a terrible person.  Well, no, there is no evidence of that.  In fact, I'm smart, funny, kind, generous, a good mom, etc.  Now, I'm not saying that my brain necessarily believed this when I first started doing it.  I had to do it over and over (and over and over).  But eventually, your brain catches on- you start to form new neural connections that actually believe what you are saying, and the old connections- the ones that kept believing that I was a terrible person, eventually die off.  It is a lot of work to constantly challenge the negative thoughts.  It's very tiring, but then again, so is being miserable and hopeless.  So it's worth putting this into action for yourself.  Eventually, I promise, things will get better.  I'm a very optimistic person most of the time now after practicing this!

[didiyana]

@Catwoman73

In our situation there is nothing left but optimism 😁 I wonder if I really need this test in order to understand that life is wonderful?) When I had my first real window without drugs, I enjoyed every moment and prayed that the wave would not come, but unfortunately, yes, she caught up with me ☹️

 

I feel a little reassured by the fact that I didn't take Zoloft for long. But at the same time it’s scary, because there are people here who take a long time to recover after short courses. Also scary, was my narrowing too fast?

 

For 2 years, doctors very often let me down, and I began to doubt medicine in general.

[didiyana]

@Catwoman73

Initially, I was very frightened by the thought of starting to take antidepressants. After all, the brain is a very unexplored thing. I still scold myself very much for this, since my life is a series of doctors’ mistakes, and I should have looked into this more before again relying on another doctor.

[Catwoman73]

36 minutes ago, didiyana said:

 

I wonder if I really need this test in order to understand that life is wonderful?)

I completely hear you lol!  But we'll see- I suspect that everything will look just a little bit different on the other side of this, and maybe life will be even more grand!  I know that I needed to develop some coping skills that I never learned during a traumatic childhood, and that is the lesson I am choosing to take forward with me. 

 

38 minutes ago, didiyana said:

 

For 2 years, doctors very often let me down, and I began to doubt medicine in general.

Yup.  I was just discussing this with someone on another thread.  I WORKED in medicine (before ending up on disability), and I am disheartened to see it in such a negative light now.  I don't know what I'll do if I'm ever able to return to work.  There's just no way I can go back to working in a field that has let me down in such a huge way.  I would feel like a fraud, and I would feel like I'm living in a way that is not congruent to who I really am at my core.  

 

36 minutes ago, didiyana said:

@Catwoman73

Initially, I was very frightened by the thought of starting to take antidepressants. After all, the brain is a very unexplored thing. I still scold myself very much for this, since my life is a series of doctors’ mistakes, and I should have looked into this more before again relying on another doctor.

Don't beat yourself up.  Seriously, we are all taught to trust our healthcare professionals.  We are all in this boat because, at some point, we trusted what a doctor was telling us.  And I do believe that we make the best decisions we can at each point in our lives... none of us intended to be injured by a prescribed medication.  Our intentions were to try to be at our best for our families, friends, employers etc.  Unfortunately, it didn't work out quite how we planned, but that can be said of much of life.  Let go of any self blame, and keep looking forward- that's all any of us can do! ❤️‍🩹

[manymoretodays]

Hi and welcome aboard @didiyana

Usually replies and questions go right here, no need to file a report.  So I hope you are okay with me copying over your reply to @Catwoman73 last post.

"

Good day, catwoman73!
Thank you very much for your kind words, it really helped me a lot.

 

It’s very nice that someone understands me, and that I’m not alone. It’s difficult for my husband, as a person who doesn’t even know what depression is, to explain how I feel (even though he tries to support me). It's so nice to realize that I'm not crazy, but that it was the medications that affected me. During all these 2.5 months, all I heard was that it was a “relapse”, and they wanted to switch me to escitalopram. I left the Bekhterev Institute (Russian Brain Institute) with prescriptions for Grandaxin, Trittico and Lamotrigine, but I already understood that this was a hellish cocktail (although I did not lose hope that someone could help me).

 

I didn’t find a topic, but is it possible to fight a bad and sad state (after WD) with the help of marijuana? I don’t smoke and I don’t encourage anyone, I just want to find some safe ways to combat anxiety disorder.

 

And in general, what to do with depression if antidepressants are evil? (although, after experiencing the withdrawal syndrome, I think the rest will seem like a trifle). Thank you for coordinating the links "🙏

[manymoretodays]

We often use non-drug coping to cope with some of the intensities of mood that occur during WD, or tapering.

 

And oh, it looks like the post above is already in this string, in your Introduction, so Catwoman73 has seen and responded to it.

 

I'd proceed with real caution with marijuana, it might make things worse.......we don't know, and it's not a usual recommend here for WD symptoms.

 

You might want to start with one or the other of the only 2 supplements we do or feel comfortable recommending.  The key is start low, and go slow, and only one change at any time.......so you can recognize the effect of any change done, good or bad.

BASIC SUPPLEMENT TOOLKIT

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

If it's anxiety type symptoms, Magnesium may be more calming, and Omega 3's are a healthy addition too, for brain and heart health even.  Again, just one new thing at a time.  We don't recommend other drugs here.

 

I'd suggest getting familiar with some of the top pinned topics in our Symptoms and Self Care forum  You can also plug any subject into the top search box in that forum, and then topics will come up as well.  I expect you might have some coping skills, or may have done some CBT, or DBT, or some form of therapy to help cope, even while on drugs, in the last 5 years.........many of us have.  And may want to explore some new non drug coping practices as well.

Anyway, have fun exploring the site.......so much here that you'll find helpful and hopeful.

 

Excellent you are seeing some Windows now, that's a good sign of healing.......and of course it all takes time to get back to your natural factory settings.   Your progress so far sounds good, from what I see in your signature.......and so that bodes well, and should help give you hope.

 

Welcome again, and best in your healing.

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

manymoretodays(mmt)

 

Oh and here's what we've got on marijuana and the like.  Forgive the jumbled collection there in that post.  I'd be careful, if anything ,know exactly what you are using if you do go for marijuana, to avoid high THC contents, which I think could be a determent to healing, and more risk than worth it.

-cannabis-marijuana-hashish-thc-cbd-cannabidiol-or-hemp-oil/

 

Avoid alcohol right now too, that has thrown off many early on in healing from AD's and other drugs.

.

Edited June 22 by manymoretodays
more, and link

[didiyana]

@Женщина-кошка73

I think if you approach it wisely, you can be a very good specialist and help people) In Russia we have problems with doctors, because they are not interested in solving the patient’s problems and learning new information. What's paid and what's free. When my husband had an infection, 3 doctors prescribed 4 courses of antibiotics from different groups, and it was so surprising when I studied the information of foreign colleagues, and my 5th course worked for him. Although, it wasn’t difficult, the doctor just needs to be a little interested) Thank you for not remaining indifferent) I hope you are already at the stage where you feel good 🙏

[didiyana]

Good afternoon, @много сегодня !
Thank you very much for your answer!
Yes, I really tried to add omega 3 + b vitamins to my diet, but they drove me crazy, apparently I’ll only try omega. Since I don’t know English and abbreviations well, can I ask you to decipher CBT and DBT? A couple of times I tried to recover with alcohol, and yes, then the next day it was terribly worse. This is probably stupid 😅 But I believed that it would suddenly help

[Catwoman73]

22 hours ago, didiyana said:

Good afternoon, @много сегодня !
Thank you very much for your answer!
Yes, I really tried to add omega 3 + b vitamins to my diet, but they drove me crazy, apparently I’ll only try omega. Since I don’t know English and abbreviations well, can I ask you to decipher CBT and DBT? A couple of times I tried to recover with alcohol, and yes, then the next day it was terribly worse. This is probably stupid 😅 But I believed that it would suddenly help

CBT is cognitive behavioural therapy, and DBT is dialectical behavioural therapy.  If you don't have good access to different therapy modalities in Russia, I know there are some good apps and websites that can provide some of the benefits... let me do some research and I'll get back to you!

 

As for treating symptoms with alcohol- I think many of us have tried this with disastrous consequences.  Don't beat yourself up- I think we're all desperate at times to feel better, and try things that end up backfiring.  No big deal- put it behind you, and move on, having learned a valuable lesson!

[didiyana]

Hello again, @Женщина-кошка73!

Thank you for your help, I went to several psychologists, but my derealization is too strong, and they say that I need a psychiatrist, because... I can't figure out the rest of the questions.
 

Even today I was a little upset that there are many more messages in the “history” topic than in successful stories. It turns out that there are not so many people who have recovered?(

[Catwoman73]

2 hours ago, didiyana said:

Hello again, @Женщина-кошка73!

Thank you for your help, I went to several psychologists, but my derealization is too strong, and they say that I need a psychiatrist, because... I can't figure out the rest of the questions.
 

Even today I was a little upset that there are many more messages in the “history” topic than in successful stories. It turns out that there are not so many people who have recovered?(

There are lots of people who have recovered!  The thing is, those people move on, and no longer require the support of those of us still in the trenches (which is exactly our goal here!).  If you go on over to the success stories forum (Click Here!), you can read happy stories all day long!  There are also wonderful people on YouTube who regularly share success stories, if you prefer to watch videos rather than read- search for Angie Peacock on YouTube.  She is a survivor herself, and is now a social worker and tapering coach.  She interviews people about their entire story, and always ends with messages of hope.  I watch her religiously, especially when I'm struggling!

[didiyana]

@Женщина-кошка73

hi again! 
 

I read good stories every day and really hope that all this hell will end soon. It helps a lot that I have a son and I NEED to live for him. As soon as I feel better and come to my senses, I will definitely write a success story. In general, I don’t understand people who, after what they’ve experienced, don’t write their stories, it’s very motivating.

 

Now I’m in a wave again, it’s not as strong as it was back in April, but it’s painfully long, thoughts of drinking Atarax are already creeping in, but I understand that it will only get worse later. What if I left him too quickly? Although I doubt it, since there was a window of 5 days of rest. There is also a feeling that there were no windows, as if this state lasts for an eternity, I don’t know whether this is really so or not. The whole of June passed like one day for me. My birthday is in three days, but I have no desire to celebrate it, which is sad.

But, I see that I now have quite a strong fog of consciousness, the condition is generally difficult to describe, and there are no other symptoms. Today I watched a BBC program about antidepressants and sexual numbness, and anxiety appeared again, it’s so sad that such people exist, and fear, what if I don’t come back, and what should I do then? But I still reassure myself that in the worst case scenario I will have to drink Atarax.

 

In general, this is quite accurate, that if there are windows, then restoration is just around the corner? I apologize for the confusion, and there is so much information, I still don’t quite understand what’s what, and it’s terrible to find myself in this situation due to the fault of the antidepressant.

 

I hope I’m not demotivating anyone with my whining 🙏😢
 

And maybe this is a stupid question, but why do people quit antidepressants? In terms of, if they are doing well with the antidepressant, then why quit it? I've read a couple of stories about immediate adverse reactions and tardive dyskinesia. In my case, Zoloft MNP did not work and what happened happened.

 

And, oh! I've sorted out the site, and I see that you are also in the process of narrowing down. I want to sincerely wish you strength and a quick and easy recovery!

[didiyana]

By the way, I recently found a topic here about lamotrigine for withdrawal symptoms, which can be useful in microdoses, and this was written by a moderator. I wonder if I can rely on him if things get worse? I need hooks to hang on to if things get tough.

[Catwoman73]

1 hour ago, didiyana said:

 

In general, this is quite accurate, that if there are windows, then restoration is just around the corner? I apologize for the confusion, and there is so much information, I still don’t quite understand what’s what, and it’s terrible to find myself in this situation due to the fault of the antidepressant.

Windows are an excellent sign of recovery, but not a guarantee that it will happen quickly.  Your nervous system has been through quite a lot, and recovery takes time.  With my last rapid taper, back in 2007, I had about seven years of withdrawal.  Now, I don't want to scare you by saying that- it wasn't all acute and terrible.  The general trajectory of my symptoms was upwards, but the windows and waves lasted for many years, but the waves became shorter, less intense, and less frequent with time.  I have NEVER recovered full sexual function, and I don't have a lot of hope for that, but hey- you never know, right?  I'm working hard to keep faith, and be open to the possibility of recovering that part of myself. 

 

1 hour ago, didiyana said:

 

Now I’m in a wave again, it’s not as strong as it was back in April, but it’s painfully long, thoughts of drinking Atarax are already creeping in, but I understand that it will only get worse later. What if I left him too quickly? Although I doubt it, since there was a window of 5 days of rest. There is also a feeling that there were no windows, as if this state lasts for an eternity, I don’t know whether this is really so or not. The whole of June passed like one day for me. My birthday is in three days, but I have no desire to celebrate it, which is sad.

But, I see that I now have quite a strong fog of consciousness, the condition is generally difficult to describe, and there are no other symptoms. Today I watched a BBC program about antidepressants and sexual numbness, and anxiety appeared again, it’s so sad that such people exist, and fear, what if I don’t come back, and what should I do then? But I still reassure myself that in the worst case scenario I will have to drink Atarax.

These are all very normal thoughts and feelings in withdrawal.  Hopelessness and suicidal ideation are ever present around here.  I can assure you that you will heal, but you'll have to be patient, and learn to accept that there will be rough times.  Remember to check out the threads I linked you on regarding non-drug methods of coping with your emotional symptoms.  They really do help.  And always challenge the negative thoughts- ask yourself, 'is this true?'  That can help you break those emotional spirals.

 

And happy birthday!

1 hour ago, didiyana said:

 

And maybe this is a stupid question, but why do people quit antidepressants? In terms of, if they are doing well with the antidepressant, then why quit it? I've read a couple of stories about immediate adverse reactions and tardive dyskinesia. In my case, Zoloft MNP did not work and what happened happened.

 

There are all sorts of reasons for stopping an antidepressant.  I think many people feel like they just want to see who they are without medications.  But I can say that I think the vast majority of people who take these drugs have side effects that are intolerable for them.  Sexual side effects and emotional numbness seem to be the biggest reasons.  And then there's the longer term side effects.  I have high cholesterol and cardiac issues because of these meds.  I think that people who have no short or long term side effects are the exception- it is much more normal to pay a price for taking these drugs.  Sadly, none of us were ever informed about these side effects, so here we are.  

 

1 hour ago, didiyana said:

By the way, I recently found a topic here about lamotrigine for withdrawal symptoms, which can be useful in microdoses, and this was written by a moderator. I wonder if I can rely on him if things get worse? I need hooks to hang on to if things get tough.

 

You can reinstate a low dose of a previously well tolerated medication (not necessarily lamotrigine) to ease withdrawal symptoms.  I don't think it's a good option for you, however.  It seems like the only med you tolerated was fluoxetine, and the last time you took it regularly was years ago.  Reinstatement is highly unlikely to work under those circumstances.  Your best chance of success with reinstatement is to do it within three months of stopping the drug, and starting at a very low dose.  I'm afraid your window has passed for that.  There are really no short cuts in your case- the only way out of this is to ride it out, and practice the non-drug coping skills we previously discussed. 

 

Sorry if that sounds negative, but I feel it's important to be truthful!  On the more positive side, you WILL have more windows.  They ARE coming.  You can help your body heal by eating a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, avoiding alcohol, recreational drugs, and other psychiatric medications, constantly challenging your negative thoughts, and engaging in activities that are calming for your nervous system.  So you do have some control- I think it's important to acknowledge that!  You can do stuff to help yourself, even in such a helpless situation. 

 

2 hours ago, didiyana said:

 

 

 

🙏😢And, oh! I've sorted out the site, and I see that you are also in the process of narrowing down. I want to sincerely wish you strength and a quick and easy recovery!

 

Thank you so much- I'm doing fairly well so far, but the most difficult part of my journey will likely happen in about a year, when I get below 5mg.  That's where trouble typically begins with these meds.  I'm facing it fearlessly though- I've been through a lot in my life.  There's no way a little white pill is going to take me out!

[didiyana]

@Женщина-кошка73!

Do you mean libido? Or genital numbness? My sexual functions didn’t seem to be affected; my libido was impaired even after giving birth, and it never recovered.
 

Yes, I read about supplements on this site, but there were also people who were made worse by it, so on the whole it’s tolerable, I’ll put this question aside for a later time.

 

It often seems like I’m just crazy, and everything I’m doing now is also crazy, all these drug withdrawals, who would have thought. I had not yet recovered from all the traumatic events, but instead of helping, the antidepressant made all the problems x10.

I feel crazy when I go to the doctors and they tell me “you’re so sick” 😅 And yes, Atarax eliminates all my symptoms for exactly two days (which did not happen back in April), so I think that I may have gotten rid of Zoloft, but I am still dependent on Atarax. I didn’t find people on the forum who narrowed it down

 

You are in a good mood! This is very encouraging. It's so hard to see changes when they are so small, but they are there. The average percentage for April, how bad I felt (average score for all days) is 65%, in May 42%, now in June it’s 28% so far. It seems like there is progress

[didiyana]

@Catwoman73
And one more thing, since Atarax relieves all withdrawal symptoms for 2 days, and I stopped taking it a little more than 20 days ago. I would like to see my condition over time (taking into account windows), can I return it in 20 days and begin a slow narrowing?
It's just that maybe it relieves withdrawal symptoms because it's a tranquilizer? Or is it more of an addiction to Atarax?

I feel tolerable most of the time, will narrowing the Atarax help relieve the symptoms and will this prolong the matter even longer?

Edited June 26 by didiyana
One question

[Catwoman73]

5 hours ago, didiyana said:

@Catwoman73
And one more thing, since Atarax relieves all withdrawal symptoms for 2 days, and I stopped taking it a little more than 20 days ago. I would like to see my condition over time (taking into account windows), can I return it in 20 days and begin a slow narrowing?
It's just that maybe it relieves withdrawal symptoms because it's a tranquilizer? Or is it more of an addiction to Atarax?

I feel tolerable most of the time, will narrowing the Atarax help relieve the symptoms and will this prolong the matter even longer?

You could reintroduce a small dose of Atarax if your withdrawal symptoms are unbearable.  A small dose, meaning 5-10% of what you were taking in the first place would be a good place to start, meaning you may have to make a liquid out of your tablets, and measure out a small amount.  Here is a link on making your own liquid.  Of course we can help you with the math, and figuring out how to best create your liquid as well.  Atarax is very soluble in water, so you wouldn't encounter any difficulties there.  

 

How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules

 

I know this all sounds great, but there are some real downfalls to doing this that you will want to consider.  There are no guarantees that it will work, and there have been cases here where the reintroduction of a drug has made things significantly worse, not better.  You would need to commit to taking it daily, as intermittent dosing could throw your nervous system into an even worse state.  And Atarax is habit forming, and you would have to taper it extremely slowly down the road, when you have fully stabilized.  As we've discussed, this could take quite a while, with all your nervous system has been through.  And tapering of all psychiatric medications is best done at a maximum rate of 10% of the current month's dose every four weeks, meaning that you could be tapering it for months, or even years.  And you would encounter withdrawal effects from that taper as well, though withdrawal effects do tend to be more bearable when tapering with this method. 

 

If it were me, I would think VERY carefully about doing this.  Weigh the risks and benefits.  If you feel tolerable most of the time, it might not be the best course of action.  However if you think you are going to need to do this due to unbearable symptoms, you are in an ideal window right now to reinstate the Atarax.  Reinstatement is most likely to be successful if done within three months of stopping the drug.  Only you know what is best for you- we're happy to help you either way!

[didiyana]

@Catwoman73

 

Thank you very much for the material

 

Today is a very difficult day, but I hope because... the window was that this might improve in the near future. Even today I had an unpleasant symptom three times, pain in the joints and muscles of the legs, especially in the evening, I don’t know whether I should contact Atarax. This had never happened before. But given the positive Antinuclear Factor, I don't understand what it is.

I am now analyzing the situation, and it is possible that Atarax led me to panic attacks, since attacks occurred before Zoloft and passed immediately after Atarax. I'm afraid it could have a strong and irreversible impact, since it hasn't been well studied. I also remember that 2.5 years ago he helped 1/4, and now 2/4-3/4. Which is strange, since the long break was due to pregnancy.

[Catwoman73]

17 hours ago, didiyana said:

@Catwoman73

 

Thank you very much for the material

 

Today is a very difficult day, but I hope because... the window was that this might improve in the near future. Even today I had an unpleasant symptom three times, pain in the joints and muscles of the legs, especially in the evening, I don’t know whether I should contact Atarax. This had never happened before. But given the positive Antinuclear Factor, I don't understand what it is.

I am now analyzing the situation, and it is possible that Atarax led me to panic attacks, since attacks occurred before Zoloft and passed immediately after Atarax. I'm afraid it could have a strong and irreversible impact, since it hasn't been well studied. I also remember that 2.5 years ago he helped 1/4, and now 2/4-3/4. Which is strange, since the long break was due to pregnancy.

Is it only your ANA that is elevated?  That can happen without the presence of autoimmune disease.  Many of those autoimmune markers can rise when the body is under stress.  My mother had a car accident last year, and her autoimmune markers went through the roof.  They came back down as she healed.  So my best advice here is to watch, wait and see- have your blood redrawn when your body is under less stress, and see where things are then. 

 

Joint and muscle pain is a part of my daily journey.  I don't know how much of it is my long covid symptoms, and how much is withdrawal, but it certainly could just be a withdrawal symptom for you.  I am typically in bed by early evening due to muscle pain.  It's not fun, but I'm just trying to go with whatever this journey dishes out.  Being in bed early allows me to read, watch a bit of TV on my own (since my husband and I have very different taste in TV shows), and snuggle with my cat, when she decides to join me.  It's not all bad- I'm trying to make the best of the situation.

[didiyana]

@Catwoman73
Did your mother take an immunoblot? I did it, the immunoblot was negative. But I had a high temperature for half a year, and now it happens periodically. Plaquenil was prescribed, but I don’t take it. I was also diagnosed with sensory polyneuropathy due to my withdrawal symptoms.

 

I would also really like to ask you for something, some recommendation on how I can convey my condition to my loved ones. My husband supports me in most cases, but lately we have been having quarrels, he says that it’s all psychosomatics, and his words feel like a knife in my throat. This is an indescribable pain, and everyone who has experienced it knows this.

[didiyana]

@Женщина-кошка73

And also, today I drank 10% atarax as you suggested, because it was very difficult. Terrible thoughts. I'm thinking about tapering off gradually, but I haven't been on Atarax for too long. And wouldn’t the narrowing be a big harm if I drank Atarax only in the most difficult moments? The last dose was on June 4, and before that I didn’t drink for 20 days.
Perhaps it would be correct to include fluoxetine, because... I’ve already taken it, and it doesn’t seem to have the same addictive potential as Atarax.

 

Sorry for the many questions. In general, I’m narrowing down, it turns out, from a medicine for which there is not even an official syndrome, and I don’t see a single story like this. Horror.

[Catwoman73]

4 minutes ago, didiyana said:

@Женщина-кошка73

And also, today I drank 10% atarax as you suggested, because it was very difficult. Terrible thoughts. I'm thinking about tapering off gradually, but I haven't been on Atarax for too long. And wouldn’t the narrowing be a big harm if I drank Atarax only in the most difficult moments? The last dose was on June 4, and before that I didn’t drink for 20 days.
Perhaps it would be correct to include fluoxetine, because... I’ve already taken it, and it doesn’t seem to have the same addictive potential as Atarax.

 

Sorry for the many questions. In general, I’m narrowing down, it turns out, from a medicine for which there is not even an official syndrome, and I don’t see a single story like this. Horror.

Hi @didiyana- Obviously, you have weighed the risks and benefits of the Atarax, as I previously discussed, and decided that adding it is what's best for you.  And as I previously described, it is definitely NOT recommended to take anything intermittently, as it will destabilize you further, and will only prolong the inevitable withdrawal that you will have to face.  If you want to take anything for anxiety, taking it every day is best, and you will have to taper off of it down the road, once you have stabilized.  Please do not add any other drugs, including fluoxetine- the more changes you make, the more destabilized you will become.  Do remember, this is what I said previously:

 

On 6/26/2024 at 11:19 AM, Catwoman73 said:

I know this all sounds great, but there are some real downfalls to doing this that you will want to consider.  There are no guarantees that it will work, and there have been cases here where the reintroduction of a drug has made things significantly worse, not better.  You would need to commit to taking it daily, as intermittent dosing could throw your nervous system into an even worse state.  And Atarax is habit forming, and you would have to taper it extremely slowly down the road, when you have fully stabilized.  As we've discussed, this could take quite a while, with all your nervous system has been through.  And tapering of all psychiatric medications is best done at a maximum rate of 10% of the current month's dose every four weeks, meaning that you could be tapering it for months, or even years.  And you would encounter withdrawal effects from that taper as well, though withdrawal effects do tend to be more bearable when tapering with this method. 

 

If it were me, I would think VERY carefully about doing this.  Weigh the risks and benefits.  If you feel tolerable most of the time, it might not be the best course of action.  However if you think you are going to need to do this due to unbearable symptoms, you are in an ideal window right now to reinstate the Atarax.  Reinstatement is most likely to be successful if done within three months of stopping the drug.  Only you know what is best for you- we're happy to help you either way!

 

The last time you took fluoxetine was so long ago, that reinstating it would be extremely risky.  Atarax is a better option in terms of timing, but you are correct- it is habit forming, and you will have to take it daily in order to keep yourself stable.  If you take Atarax intermittently, it's like starting the withdrawal process all over again every time you stop.  So, either commit to taking it daily, or don't take it at all.  Sadly, there really is no in between here.  If you don't want to commit to taking it daily, just stop, throw it away, and never touch it again.  Work on those non-drug coping mechanisms that I previously provided links to, and ride this out.  I know it's hard, but I think you are stronger than you're giving yourself credit for!  

 

There are no official withdrawal syndromes for any of these drugs, unfortunately.  The pharmaceutical companies won't even acknowledge that this is a problem, so there has been little or no research into this stuff.  It's terrible.  The pharmaceutical companies have a lot to answer for!!!

[didiyana]

Good afternoon!)

 

I have two news, the first is that there was a mega-bad wave, probably the strongest of all time. The second news is that the wave is over. This may be due to taking Atarax (but it didn’t help right away). Now I want to test my theory about Atarax addiction. I also switched to benzobudis and will periodically leave information here.

 

Here is a link to my story: https://benzobuddies.org/topic/278788-atarax-or-zoloft-addiction/

 

[Catwoman73]

53 minutes ago, didiyana said:

Good afternoon!)

 

I have two news, the first is that there was a mega-bad wave, probably the strongest of all time. The second news is that the wave is over. This may be due to taking Atarax (but it didn’t help right away). Now I want to test my theory about Atarax addiction. I also switched to benzobudis and will periodically leave information here.

 

Here is a link to my story: https://benzobuddies.org/topic/278788-atarax-or-zoloft-addiction/

 

I'm so glad you got through your wave!  Just keep reminding yourself when the waves come that they do end.  You are in good hands with benzobuddies- particularly for the atarax piece, though I definitely think both atarax and Zoloft are contributing to your withdrawal symptoms.  Do keep us posted- I just know you can do this!!! ❤️

[didiyana]

@Женщина-кошка73 thank you! 🙏 

 

Benzo Buddies has mostly positive reviews about Atarax, and they say it's most likely from Zoloft, but I'm glad there's at least something that helps me, even if I have to taper it off slowly. It’s scary to remember yesterday, I had a state very close to psychosis, my husband wanted to call an ambulance, I barely talked him out of it, because... I'll probably feel even worse after the hospital. They said that you can drink Atarax periodically (if you are not addicted to it). In general, let's take a look and check now. But I don’t like that a symptom of severe depression appeared in June; this has not happened in April yet.
Is it progressing?

[Catwoman73]

4 hours ago, didiyana said:

Is it progressing?

I wouldn't say progressing- I would say that you are just having waves.  And the waves will vary in intensity.  Lots of people here have great difficulties around the 6 month mark of being off a drug... you are only at 4 months off Zoloft, but it's certainly possible that you are just seeing a normal uptick in symptoms.  Ride it out, keep your journal up to date, and do be careful with the Atarax!  I know they are saying you can take it to relieve symptoms on bad days, but watch for patterns- if you find you are needing it more and more, then you are certainly developing a physiologic dependance.  And a long slow taper will likely be needed in that case. 

 

I've had psychosis before, after the birth of my daughter.  I was suicidal and homicidal, and could not be left alone EVER.  It was the scariest time of my life.  So I completely understand being on that edge, and being close to calling an ambulance. I don't know how I got through it- my situation was very complicated, and I couldn't take anything for the psychosis.  I suffered terribly for many months... somehow, though, I came out of it, and over the next few years, recovered almost fully.  Then I had to go and change jobs, my anxiety flared, and I ended up back on escitalopram.  I'm tapering the right way this time though- and getting better coping mechanisms in place so I never need to go back on these drugs again!  It's such a long road, but it will be worth it- for both of us!

[didiyana]

Hello! @Женщина-кошка73
 

Go through hell and returning to drugs, it’s probably hard, I’m already thinking that if it doesn’t get any easier, then I’ll have to start drinking something, some kind of antidepressant, because the state I’m in now I am mostly unbearable. I really hold on to the bed so that I can’t do anything to myself.

 

In fact, I have been in the wave since June 18, i.e. 2 weeks, just from 26 to 30 there was a very strong part with very strong symptoms. The depression has not completely gone away, which is scary. Also, since the 26th, my appetite has not recovered, I have lost 3.5 kilograms during this time, I can neither eat nor drink, I really need support.. my grandmother is now on vacation and I can leave my one-year-old son with her , I'm so sad that I can't enjoy caring for my son. I can't imagine what I'll do when she gets back from vacation.

 

My condition at the moment is very bad, I am very exhausted from this wave, and I want the wave to go away at least a little, so that I can take at least one more breath. Atarax, by the way, did not relieve depression, it dulled the senses a little, which is exactly what a tranquilizer should do. It's not helping me much right now, so I think it's just Zoloft withdrawal.

[Catwoman73]

You have had a window!  Don't forget the good moments, even though many moments right now are bad.   Just yesterday you wrote the following:

On 7/1/2024 at 9:42 AM, didiyana said:

Good afternoon!)

 

I have two news, the first is that there was a mega-bad wave, probably the strongest of all time. The second news is that the wave is over. This may be due to taking Atarax (but it didn’t help right away). Now I want to test my theory about Atarax addiction. I also switched to benzobudis and will periodically leave information here.

 

So you obviously had a break in the severity of your symptoms- that is a window!  And it's a good sign.  It's very important to recognize and savour those good moments- we even have a thread that talks about this!  Read Here:

 

The importance of recognizing you're feeling good

 

Are you using any of the non-drug methods of coping that I have linked for you?  It's really important to search out things that can help you through the difficult times.  What works for me may not work for you, but I have developed a huge toolkit to use during the rough times- meditation/mindfulness, gentle exercise (walking and swimming are the best ones for me), spending time outdoors/in nature, and certain therapeutic modalities have been helpful, including EMDR, IFS, and some CBT techniques.  I'll provide the links again here, as a reminder: 

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

 

"Change the channel" - dealing with cognitive symptoms

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

 

It sounds to me like your emotions are spiralling at the moment- read that one first!

 

Since your grandmother is visiting right now, take advantage of that and let her care for your child!  This is a great opportunity for you to work on yourself, and practice those non-drug coping skills.  You will enjoy caring for your baby a lot more once you have some skills in place to deal with the ups and downs of withdrawal.  You have a wonderful opportunity in front of you, with an extra pair of helping hands- use it to your advantage!!!

 

And never forget- we are healing all the time, whether we feel like we are or not.  Keep reminding yourself of that.  Every day is a day closer to wellness. ❤️

[didiyana]

@Женщина-кошка73

Thank you for your beam of support Yes, I’m looking at some methods of help, it’s so hard to relax when you’re in a wave.. At the peak of the wave, I can only roll on the bed and cry

 

The window was very small, 5 percent of the wave. In addition, the symptoms have only eased somewhat, and this debilitating insomnia... is there any information at all about those people who, during prolonged withdrawal, began taking antidepressants to relieve symptoms?

My insomnia + severe depression + derealization, this is a very serious condition..( And there are so many scary stories on the site Sorry for my negativity Now the depression has gone away a little, but the state is strange, along with derealization, it feels like I’m in a bank

[Catwoman73]

21 minutes ago, didiyana said:

 

At the peak of the wave, I can only roll on the bed and cry

 

Not true!  At the peak of a wave, when it's so so hard, you can also try a guided meditation on YouTube while you lie in bed.  Or you can try deep breathing exercises.  Or anything that you think might help.  The key is that you need to keep trying, over and over, until something starts to help.  This is how we reprogram our brains to process difficult times in a different way.  It takes work and strength, and you have to make the choice to fight in these healthy ways!

 

25 minutes ago, didiyana said:

 

The window was very small, 5 percent of the wave. In addition, the symptoms have only eased somewhat, and this debilitating insomnia... is there any information at all about those people who, during prolonged withdrawal, began taking antidepressants to relieve symptoms?

 

YOUR MOST RECENT window was short.  That's normal.  There are going to be ups and downs.  With stability, your overall trajectory will be one of improvement.  It takes time and stability- there are no magic cures here.

 

As you know, we absolutely do not recommend starting anything else to help with insomnia, including other antidepressants.  Even if it works, and you start sleeping better now, you will have to taper these meds down the road, and experience withdrawal all over again.  And they may not work!  Or even worse, you could end up with a hypersensitivity reaction, and your symptoms could get much worse rather than better.  So, basically I'm saying that you MIGHT get benefits in the short term, but maybe not too, and you will create yet another problem for yourself down the road.  The only way out is through- you have to find ways to deal with this without drugs if you want to heal sooner rather than later.  All the non-drug methods of coping that I discussed above take time and effort, but isn't it worth it?  Here are a few other links specifically related to insomnia.  It's a very common problem around here!

 

Tips to help sleep: so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

Path to Better Sleep  (A free online course)

 

34 minutes ago, didiyana said:

 

My insomnia + severe depression + derealization, this is a very serious condition..( And there are so many scary stories on the site Sorry for my negativity Now the depression has gone away a little, but the state is strange, along with derealization, it feels like I’m in a bank

 

It is normal for symptoms to change over time.  My acute withdrawal is always all physical, but over time, the mental and emotional symptoms come out.  Totally normal for things to change!

 

Personally, I prefer not to label my symptoms as serious.  Realistically, withdrawal feels very serious, it feels like it's going to kill you at times.  But the reality is that it's NOT going to kill you.  And it's not a 'serious' condition, like diabetes or cancer or ALS- withdrawal is simply a sign that something you have been giving your body for a while is now lacking, and your body and brain need time to adjust.  That's all withdrawal is!  If you start to look at your symptoms not as a serious illness that needs fixing, but rather a sign of ongoing healing in your body, it becomes much easier to get though the next day, hour or even minute!  The labels we put on things do affect our coping- change the way you label your experience, and you just might change your life!

[didiyana]

@Женщина-кошка73

Yes, you're right, we should try it

 

Regarding antidepressants, I just have to understand that I have an escape route, that if something happens, I can save myself, no matter how stupid it may sound) I will try to be positive, this is a test for which fate did not prepare me, I have experienced so much over these 2 years, and was hit on the head with a shovel by fate 😅

 

Today I feel better, if yesterday I felt 80% bad, today I feel 30% bad, last night it became much easier. I have trouble with my appetite, though, and I feel nauseous. I'll go see a gastroenterologist and get checked at the same time By the way, I noticed that a shower and brewed milk oolong tea help me, although it seems like green teas are not recommended

[didiyana]

I made a graph in a Google spreadsheet, can I somehow add it to my main post?

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1FeyWn2cUXt8UGRp0th2-hMbfjJBzb2PU6Xyg2HcKy_4/edit?usp=sharing
@Женщина-кошка73

[Catwoman73]

6 hours ago, didiyana said:

 

Regarding antidepressants, I just have to understand that I have an escape route, that if something happens, I can save myself, no matter how stupid it may sound) I will try to be positive, this is a test for which fate did not prepare me, I have experienced so much over these 2 years, and was hit on the head with a shovel by fate 😅

 

You always have a choice.  It's your body, and you can do as you wish.  Our job here is just to remind you of the advantages and pitfalls of these options.  Going on another antidepressant is just a bandaid- it isn't solving your original problem, which is withdrawal.  it may hide the symptoms for a while (but maybe not- maybe it will make things worse), but when you go to stop the new antidepressant, you will be right back in the same situation.  If you're ok with that, then great- it's absolutely your choice!

 

6 hours ago, didiyana said:

 

Today I feel better, if yesterday I felt 80% bad, today I feel 30% bad, last night it became much easier. I have trouble with my appetite, though, and I feel nauseous. I'll go see a gastroenterologist and get checked at the same time By the way, I noticed that a shower and brewed milk oolong tea help me, although it seems like green teas are not recommended

 

See- windows and waves!  You're having a window.  This is a wonderful sign of healing!  Keep reminding yourself of that.  Especially when the next wave hits- that's when you need the positivity the most.

 

5 hours ago, didiyana said:

I made a graph in a Google spreadsheet, can I somehow add it to my main post?

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1FeyWn2cUXt8UGRp0th2-hMbfjJBzb2PU6Xyg2HcKy_4/edit?usp=sharing
@Женщина-кошка73

 

You can add your spreadsheet to your signature if you wish.  Just click on the following link, add your spreadsheet link to the bottom, and click save!

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/settings/signature/