DeNy: Insomnia oh insomnia and dpdr

[DeNy]

Hi everyone,
I'm new to this site and wanted to share my experience.  It's been a rough ride, but I'm here to tell my story in hopes it might help someone else struggling.  In August of 2023, at 18 years old, my world got turned upside down.
It all started after an intense workout session. Pushing myself to the limit, I left the gym feeling oddly numb. It was like I was outside my own body, or maybe someone else was in control. My skin felt pale, and I couldn't move my face much.  This had never happened before, and I wasn't on any medications or drugs that could explain it.
Alarmed by these symptoms, I went to the doctor three days later.  He diagnosed me with anxiety and depression, even though I hadn't necessarily felt that way.  He prescribed Flupentixol (0.5mg) and Melitracen (10mg) to help.  I took this medication from August to December.
The strange feeling of detachment and numbness never fully subsided, though.  Worried about possible brain damage, I visited a neurologist in December.  Thankfully, a CT scan came back clear.  The neurologist advised stopping the Flupentixol and Melitracen, which I did following his instructions.
Here's where things really took a turn for the worse.  I had never had sleep problems before, but on December 18th, everything changed.  After going to bed at 9 pm, I woke up two hours later gasping for air, feeling like I was suffocating.  The feeling of being out of body and disconnected intensified dramatically.
Paralyzed by fear, I stayed awake until 1 am before trying to sleep again.  Unfortunately, sleep wouldn't come.  Exhausted but wired, I decided to wait out the night and sleep during the day.  Even laying down completely still, I couldn't get any shut-eye.
The next day, with zero sleep and no dreams, my body ached for rest, but my mind wouldn't shut down.  Desperate, I returned to the doctor who originally prescribed the Flupentixol and Melitracen.  He blamed my stopping the medication for my worsening condition and added Respirdone on top of the original drugs for three days.
Those three days were a nightmare.  The Respirdone made me feel so sluggish, I could barely move.  Getting out of bed was a struggle, and even then, I was aware of my surroundings while having vivid dreams.  Uncertain if this was sleepwalking or some strange side effect, I told the doctor to stop the Respirdone and just continue with the Flupentixol and Melitracen until my symptoms improved.
The following 20 days were a blur.  Zero sleep.  Every night, I'd lay down hoping to fall asleep, but my mind would race.  The constant lack of sleep made me dizzy and unsteady on my feet.  Feeling defeated, I went to see a psychiatrist in January.
This psychiatrist was the first one to acknowledge the medications might be causing problems.  He prescribed a new combination: Amitriptyline 12.5mg, Chlordiazepoxide 5mg, and Clonazepam 0.5mg.  The first night was amazing.  A deep, restful sleep unlike anything I'd experienced in months.  However, the sleep wasn't always restorative.  Some nights, I'd wake up feeling groggy, with no memory of the night before.  Other nights, I would be aware of my surroundings while dreaming.
Throughout the next few months, I continued taking the medications, the dosage of Clonazepam being upped to 1mg at one point.  My cognitive abilities started to decline though.  Simple tasks like remembering a sentence I just wrote became difficult.  Sleep also remained inconsistent, with some nights spent aware of my surroundings and others filled with fragmented memories.  The constant feeling of exhaustion was debilitating.
With exams looming and worried about my cognitive decline, I decided to quit Amitriptyline and Chlordiazepoxide cold turkey.  In hindsight, this was a mistake.  Unaware of potential withdrawal symptoms, I continued taking only Clonazepam 1mg for the next three days.  Those days were marked by constant awareness, day and night, and offered no relief from my exhaustion.
Back at the psychiatrist's office again, he prescribed Trifluoperazine 1mg twice a day and increased my Clonazepam dosage to 2mg.  The first three days were promising.  I finally woke up feeling refreshed, like I had gotten a normal night's sleep.  But then came the third night dose.  The feeling of depersonalization hit me. I was out of my body and thought I was dead. For the next two months, I would only take this medication occasionally at night. Sleep felt like a blur, and I never felt refreshed.  Finally, I decided to quit all medications except for a reduced dose of Clonazepam.
For the past 42 days, sleep hasn't improved much. I close my eyes and it's morning.  I can sometimes remember dreams, but I don't feel well-rested.  Recently, I tried going without Clonazepam altogether, and couldn't sleep at all.  The last two nights, even with the medication, I haven't been able to sleep properly.
I'm wondering what to do next.  Will I ever be able to sleep deeply again?
What to Do Now

Edited July 12 by Emonda
Name to title

[Erimus]

Hello, and welcome to Surviving Antidepressants. We are a peer support forum to assist in tapering off psychiatric drugs safely, or recovering from psychiatric drug withdrawal.

 

Your first task is to create a drug signature, with the following:

 

• All current medication you take, the dose you take, when you started the drug, and when you made dose changes
• All current supplements you take
• An accurate history of recent drugs, taken in the last 12-24 months
• Dates for recent should be written as 7 Oct 2023, or Oct 7 2023, or early Oct 2023, or mid Oct 2023
• A history of drugs taken 24 months ago and beyond - if applicable
• Dates for historical drugs can simply be listed as start and stop years
• Please do not use 07/10/23 // 10/07/23 as this is intepreted differently around the world

 

• Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses. See my signature for example of clear and concise information.

 

• Click this link to edit your signature: Edit your signature here.

[DeNy]

I did my signature now what

[Catina7]

Hi @DeNy and welcome to SA!  It sounds like your doctors have put you on quite a drug merry-go-round.  You may want to read over the topics that are provided on the site to get you going.  As long as you follow the advice here you should eventually feel better and be able to sleep again.   

 

The moderator who has been assisting you will respond more when they are able to.  We have a very small staff of volunteers who are going through withdrawal themselves and have other responsibilities.  Your posts are important to us though and will be responded to ASAP.

 

Hang in there!  

 

 

[DeNy]

I wait for a mod I am sorry I dont know how stuff works here

[Erimus]

How many times per day are you taking clonazepam? It would be wise to split your dose in two, taking each 12 hours apart. You must take the same dose each day. I suggest you stick with 1.5mg, and take 0.75mg in the morning and 0.75mg 12 hours later, in the evening.

 

You are experiencing the effects of trialing multiple psychiatric drugs in a short period of time. Your brain and body will heal, but it needs patience and abstinence from these substances.

 

I would suggest you hold on your clonazepam at 1.5mg for a few months, and if things are improved you can commence a micro taper from it.

[Erimus]

Here are a few of the most useful links:

 

--------Important topics in the Tapering forum and FAQ--------

 

Micro tapering

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Taking multiple psych drugs? Which drug to taper first?

 

How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules

 

Using a scale to weigh and measure doses

 

--------From the Symptoms and Self-Care Forums--------
 
What is withdrawal syndrome?
 
About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms
 
The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Hypersensitivity and Kindling

 

Regards

Erimus

[DeNy]

Hey Emirus ! thank you so much for replying I am hella desperate in this phase. I only take the Clonazepam before trying to sleep. So will i take it twice right 0.75 in the morning and 0.75 in the night?. I want to tell you that whenever I take it during the night I never get overwhelmed or extremely tired by sleep I force close my eyes and next thing I see is morning and it suggests 4-5 hours or 1-2 hours have passed by. I tried no Clonazepam for 2 days I literally don't fall asleep like total insomnia I close my eyes with extreme exhaustion , drowsiness, weakness and nothing happens.But if I take Clonazepam I close my eyes and time passes by and I can recall some dreams. So do you think that I am sleeping? Or it's just me there laying and  hallucinating or something it doesn't feel like sleep at all but then again I can barely do my regular stuff tho like studying walking etc so it suggest my body might be getting rest. so I have a question. Why I don't get tired or overwhelmed by sleep at all even if I do get it  sometimes I don't drift off it's just blackness there and me being aware. Do you think it's a brain damage ? Will I heal I am very desperate 😭😢.Besides that, my cognition is out of the whack like if I memorize something a minute ago next minute I forget. so what do you think is happening to my brain I also get depersonalization . Another thing I would like to talk about is doctors in my country. I have tried multiple they say you don't need sleep you don't need meds some try to cold turkey me off of Clonazepam or some try to make my dose jump down to 1 mg I saw YouTube videos people with terrible protracted withdrawal so I don't trust them at all and am very scared.

[Erimus]

9 hours ago, DeNy said:

So will i take it twice right 0.75 in the morning and 0.75 in the night?

Yes

 

9 hours ago, DeNy said:

But if I take Clonazepam I close my eyes and time passes by and I can recall some dreams. So do you think that I am sleeping?

You are sleeping, even if it does not feel restorative.

 

9 hours ago, DeNy said:

Why I don't get tired or overwhelmed by sleep at all even if I do get it  sometimes I don't drift off it's just blackness there and me being aware. Do you think it's a brain damage ?

Your brain has been harmed by a number of artificial chemicals. What you feel now is it trying to heal. It is not permanent damage.

 

9 hours ago, DeNy said:

Besides that, my cognition is out of the whack like if I memorize something a minute ago next minute I forget. so what do you think is happening to my brain I also get depersonalization .

These are very normal symptoms for all of us in withdrawal.

 

9 hours ago, DeNy said:

Another thing I would like to talk about is doctors in my country. I have tried multiple they say you don't need sleep you don't need meds some try to cold turkey me off of Clonazepam or some try to make my dose jump down to 1 mg I saw YouTube videos people with terrible protracted withdrawal so I don't trust them at all and am very scared.

Your doctors are uneducated on the intricacies of psychiatric drug withdrawal. I suggest you avoid them, other than to continue collecting your prescription.

 

It is extremely dangerous to cold turkey benzodiazepines. We recommend reducing by no more than 10% of your current dose each calendar month.

[DeNy]

So I am going through windows and waves right? I am assuming that's how my brain will heal. Do you think the windows rather than larger duration it  intensifies a bit lol like maybe getting more better quality sleep? It's been 8 months already I see no signs yet although I was not off of meds during the whole period so I guess that's why. So do you think with only Clonazepam I will stabilise?. And you said to wait couple of months  before tapering I think you recommended me liquid tappering so I would micro taper every week right?. And is there such a thing as permanent damage from pysch meds cold turkey or it always heals to some extent?. Also what is the analogy behind taking Clonazepam twice?. Finally thank you so much Emirus I am starting to believe that I will heal even if it takes 2-3 years or more idc I will keep my HOPE up. 

[DeNy]

Also does age plays a factor? I am 19 now

[Erimus]

1 hour ago, DeNy said:

Do you think the windows rather than larger duration it  intensifies a bit lol like maybe getting more better quality sleep?

Yes, sleep should improve with time.

 

1 hour ago, DeNy said:

So do you think with only Clonazepam I will stabilise?

Yes, things will improveif you keep things the same for a while.

 

1 hour ago, DeNy said:

And you said to wait couple of months  before tapering I think you recommended me liquid tappering so I would micro taper every week right?

You can reduce by small amounts every few days when micro tapering. The speed of the taper really depends on the individual and how they respons to reductions.

 

1 hour ago, DeNy said:

And is there such a thing as permanent damage from pysch meds cold turkey or it always heals to some extent?

You will heal.

 

1 hour ago, DeNy said:

Also what is the analogy behind taking Clonazepam twice?

Splitting the dose can often help maintain a more consistent blood plasma concentration. I actually checked and clonazepam has a longer half-life than some of the other benzos, so you may feel no different to taking once daily. See how it impacts you.

 

1 hour ago, DeNy said:

Also does age plays a factor? I am 19 now

Recovery rate is likely faster because you have a younger nervous system and brain.

[DeNy]

Thank you so much man I wish I could help you somehow oneday I will be back if things go bad or I stabilise till then see ya man thanks a lot

[DeNy]

Hey I am back again lol and I hope you people on the SA website are doing well and you too erimus sorry for getting your name wrong last time xD.   The main reason I came here early  is because of the dosage splitting. You told me to take it twice once in the morning and 12 hours later.Is it a necessity? I still haven't started the twice dose daily if you tell me I need to do it 100% I'll do it but I am unsure how I will split the dosage can I make the tablet into a liquid solution?. Like take 300 ml water and calculate how much is 0.75 mg and take it? I will show u a pic of the pill and you let me know whether I can make it into a liquid solution or not.Besides that my family is thinking I am going crazy because I am not listening to my psychiatrist and doing things on my own and do you think that I got protracted withdrawal from abruptly quitting flupetixol melitracen. Also my cognition got a little better but I am seeing an inverse relation between sleep and cognition. Whenever I don't remember anything or what happened during night or unaware during night my cognition goes down. But whenever I am aware and dreaming my cognition gets better. And what do you think of me being aware and dreaming counts as sleep?.

[DeNy]

Well I can't send pic of my Clonazepam 

[Erimus]

30 minutes ago, DeNy said:

Hey I am back again lol and I hope you people on the SA website are doing well and you too erimus sorry for getting your name wrong last time xD.   The main reason I came here early  is because of the dosage splitting. You told me to take it twice once in the morning and 12 hours later.Is it a necessity? I still haven't started the twice dose daily if you tell me I need to do it 100% I'll do it but I am unsure how I will split the dosage can I make the tablet into a liquid solution?. Like take 300 ml water and calculate how much is 0.75 mg and take it? I will show u a pic of the pill and you let me know whether I can make it into a liquid solution or not.Besides that my family is thinking I am going crazy because I am not listening to my psychiatrist and doing things on my own and do you think that I got protracted withdrawal from abruptly quitting flupetixol melitracen. Also my cognition got a little better but I am seeing an inverse relation between sleep and cognition. Whenever I don't remember anything or what happened during night or unaware during night my cognition goes down. But whenever I am aware and dreaming my cognition gets better. And what do you think of me being aware and dreaming counts as sleep?.

Splitting dose it not necessary with clonazepam, due to its longer half-life. I misread the information on the drug.

 

Any time during the night when you are not concious of being awake is "sleep". It might not be high quality but it is better than nothing.

 

In my experience you are better ignoring psychiatrists and family members, they get you in this mess and don't know how to help you back out. You have to be selfish and prioritise yourself during recovery.

[DeNy]

Thanks! last thing I wanted to ask is how do I go on with life like this

I have energy but not to much do you think I can finish my A levels like this lol. Also are there any lifestyle advices I drink a cup of coffee daily in the morning do I need to drop that as well?

[Erimus]

3 hours ago, DeNy said:

last thing I wanted to ask is how do I go on with life like this

I have energy but not to much do you think I can finish my A levels like this lol.

You can but it will be hard.

 

3 hours ago, DeNy said:

Also are there any lifestyle advices I drink a cup of coffee daily in the morning do I need to drop that as well?

Depends how it makes you feel. Perhaps experiment without it and see if you feel better.

[DeNy]

Hey erimus! and the other people here in SA. Hope you all are doing well. I want to update my situation it's already been  2 months since I have lowered my Clonazepam dosage from 2 to 1.5 mg. In the time period 2 months sleep literally remained the same. When I take Clonazepam during the night for the first 1-2 hours nothing happens I listen to music, but after that I turn off my phone and close my eyes. Then for like 30-40 mins I struggle and then at a certain point I probably go unconscious and suddenly it's morning like 8-9 am
. Besides that , I can't recall dreams at all. I used to be able to recall dreams which gave me the peace of mind that I am sleeping. What is going on?. Also whenever someone opens the door or anything happens with some sound I instantly wake up. Why am I hyper alert like this am I even sleeping or is it just me there relaxed due to the benzo and laying there for hours. More symptoms popping up such as excessive eye floaters and corny vision, pooping problems, I pee a lot, CRAZY ANNOYING ITCHING I do it all night and day. Also the depersonalization is always there at a mild stage but sometimes it gets so bad that I feel like I left my body. I can't speak , eat  or think during intense derealization periods. Another thing it's been  80 days already since I am AP/AD free how long it might take to see actual healing progress in place because so far everything is stagnant. I don't trust my doctor's at all they keep pointing my mental conditions which I have none all I can assume is a neurological injury. What should I do 😭 should I start tapering? God bless yall

[Comecloser80]

@DeNy I am so sorry that you are struggling. You sound quite like your nervous system has been hit really hard with these drugs , multiple trials, CT, jumping between doses etc.

3 hours ago, DeNy said:

I want to update my situation it's already been  2 months since I have lowered my Clonazepam dosage from 2 to 1.5 mg.

Seems like quite a huge reduction. Benzobuddies.org may be one of your best interest for tapering and holding benzodiazepines. You will certainly get lot of help from there.

 

3 hours ago, DeNy said:

Another thing it's been  80 days already since I am AP/AD free how long it might take to see actual healing progress in place because so far everything is stagnant.

I would say from my own experience that 80 days is too early in this process. I thought I would be better in couple of months. 
 

3 hours ago, DeNy said:

I don't trust my doctor's at all they keep pointing my mental conditions which I have none all I can assume is a neurological injury.

Yes , we have been injured. They make nothing out of healthy people.

 

I wish you best in your journey. May God bless you and give you enough strength to endure this journey. 
 

You will have to tag moderators if you want their attention soon.

 

Goodluck.

[DeNy]

Hey thanks for the reply ! I will check out benzo buddies. @Erimus 

[Erimus]

You are still in the acute phase of recovery from the antidepressant and antipsychotic drug trials. You are sleeping although it doesn't feel refreshing. You need to keep holding and things will improve with time.

[DeNy]

Hey thank you again erimus!! When should I start taper if sleep gets better fully?

[Erimus]

5 hours ago, DeNy said:

Hey thank you again erimus!! When should I start taper if sleep gets better fully?

I would suggest at least 6 months with no changes. Then a micro taper.