Phish27: 18 years on lamictal

[Phish27]

Hi everyone 

Starting at puberty I was kind of n outcast, depressed, etc. tried all the SSRIs and none of them worked really. Became quite reactive and was diagnosed bipolar and put on lamictal at 22. I'm 41 and have been tapering for a year from 150 to currently 37.5mg at this introduction.  I'm not feeling depressed and I'm not reactive or impulsive any more than I was when I was fully medicated, in fact, less so now. The more I learn, the more I think I'm son the autism spectrum and was misdiagnosed. 
 

At the time, this drug did save my life in a lot of ways. I wouldn't be where am I today if I hadn't done something back then. But my gosh - 18 years is a long time and not once did anyone ask me about reducing the dose or do another evaluation or anything. 

current symptoms:

apathy, zero motivation (not ideal because I'm getting my doctorate and I am self employed), anhedonia, zero dopamine, fatigue during the day, head and neck discomfort (not PAWS vice grips- just a feeling of heaviness and like misalignment ) and restlessness especially after long periods of sitting. Bonus: no anxiety because I just do not care enough to worry for any extended period of time. 

 

I almost went back on and stopped my Taper because of the apathy but I found this forum and went to the previous dose and am holding at that dose for now, also under the care of a psychiatrist who doesn't seem to know much about this process but is supportive of my decision and taking my lead. 

Thanks for being here. When I feel really lost or frustrated or angry I know that I am not alone and recovery is a possibility. 

 

I'm SO ready to be fully off and start healing but am respecting the fact that this is going to be a long process if I want to be successful. 
 

What helps the most is physical activity but MAN to force myselF with heroic effort every day is getting OLD.  Introducing myself in hopes it will help me to engage more in strategies to rewire this brain and make life more manageable while I'm going through these next few years. 

Edited July 31 by Emonda
Name to title

[Catwoman73]

Hi @Phish27, and welcome to SA!  We are a community of volunteers providing peer support in the tapering of psychiatric medications and their associated withdrawal syndromes. 

 

If you could kindly complete your drug signature, we would greatly appreciate it.  Having a drug signature allows us to see your history at a glance when visiting your thread, so that we can offer appropriate guidance and support.  To add a signature, click the following link, fill in the drug history box as well as your memory will allow, and click done.  That's it!  You can continue to update your signature as you proceed through what remains of your taper. 

 

Your Drug Signature

 

I'm not sure how you have approached your taper, but here at SA, we recommend what is known as a hyperbolic taper.  That is- decreasing your medication dose by no more than 10%, no more frequently than every 4 weeks.  This method is designed to gently release the receptors in your brain from the medication, thereby keeping withdrawal symptoms to a tolerable minimum.  This becomes even more important as you approach the lower doses, as these medications have a disproportionately large effect on the brain at low doses.  You can read more about hyperbolic tapering here:

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

I'm so glad to hear you are holding your current dose.  That is a very wise decision.  As my tapering coach says, you should absolutely not be white-knuckling it through tapering.  If it has become too difficult, you are either making drops that are too large, or making them too quickly.  When it comes to tapering, the tortoise always wins- slow and steady is the way!  You may need to hold for a while- think weeks to months- in order to find real stability before proceeding.  And that's ok- there are many here who have had to hold for very long periods.  

 

While you are holding, it's a good idea to start a symptom journal.  Your symptoms will come and go, get better and get worse from day to day/week to week.  This is a normal part of the healing process that we refer to as the windows and waves pattern of stabilization.  Keeping a journal can help you identify your windows and waves, and potentially identify anything that might be triggering waves for you.  Personally, I keep track of my symptoms, dosages, activities, exercise, supplements and foods, and have managed to notice a handful of triggers that I am now able to avoid!  Read more here on the windows and waves pattern of stabilization.  Also attached is a list of common withdrawal symptoms that is a great template for a symptom journal. 

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

As you proceed, there are a few things you can do that help provide your brain and body with the right environment for healing.  Eat a healthy, whole foods, balanced diet, stay adequately hydrated, gentle exercise (it looks like you've already got that one started!), and avoiding any neurologically active substances, such as alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, recreational drugs.  We also strongly advise against using other psychiatric medications to deal with the withdrawal effects of psych meds.  The reason for this is two fold- first of all, the results are unpredictable, and could make you feel worse.  Secondly, you are only creating a situation where you will have to taper from another medication down the road, thereby prolonging your withdrawal/tapering journey.  

 

We only recommend two supplements here at SA- magnesium and omega-3 fatty acids.  Be mindful though, it is very common to develop hypersensitivities to medications, supplements, and even foods while in withdrawal.  If you choose to try any supplement, it is best to start at a very low dose to see how you fare, and increase slowly if well tolerated.

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Coping with symptoms can be a difficult part of this journey.  If you've already found the benefits of exercise, that's great! Just be gentle with yourself, and pay attention to your body.  I can no longer exercise intensely- it causes massive symptom flares.  But I sure do love swimming, and taking walks (when it's cooler out- heat is also a trigger lol).  Mindfulness and meditation are real cornerstones of my coping strategy, and I recommend that everyone practice these things every day.  It takes a bit of practice to start noticing the full effects, but it's worth the effort.  Here are a few threads on various coping mechanisms we recommend here:

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

Ways to cope with daily anxiety (in case it pops up at any time!)

"Change the channel" - dealing with cognitive symptoms

 

Most of all, I really want you to know that you are NOT alone.  There is a massive community of people here who fully understand what you are going through.  I, for one, get the whole apathy and anhedonia thing.  Most days, I'd be happy to lie in a lawn chair and stare at the sky while the world is burning around me lol. I have really found that engaging in creative endeavours has been helpful with this symptom.  I am a dancer, so naturally drawn to artistic things, but lately, I've found great joy in painting (by numbers, because I suck lol).  It does seem to help me feel a little glimmer of some joy again. 

 

In summary, I'm so very glad you have a supportive doctor, and you've found us in time to learn that holding is your best bet right now!  A slow taper for the remainder of your journey is strongly recommended- no more than 10%, no more often than every 4 weeks, as described above.  Start that symptom journal to help you identify your triggers, windows and waves, and practice any non-drug coping mechanisms that you find useful. 

 

Most of all, do NOT lose hope!  You will heal- we are healing every day, all the time, even when we don't feel like it.  

 

This is your introduction topic- each member gets one intro topic.  Please post updates, questions and concerns here on this thread.  But don't hesitate to explore the rest of the forum, and engage with others here.  Read the intro threads of other members, and drop a supportive comment or two.  The connections you build here will certainly help carry you through the rough times!  I love this community for its supportive and non-judgemental attitude.  

 

Welcome, and I'm glad you found us!!!

[LanaCoFireBird]

I’m so glad you found this wonderful community!  And I fully support you in your taper and recovery journey and know some of the ups and downs and specific struggles of Lamictal, through I know it’s a little different with every journey and every person. 
 

i’m so sorry there was no other evaluation or proper care for those 18 years on Lamictal. 
 

I am glad to hear you have a dr that’s supporting what you’re doing. 

 

i’m also probably autistic and definitely adhd and I know that was part of the reason I got misdiagnosed. Part of my taper journey has been learning to be more all embracing of neurodivergence and has involved unmasking and loving self acceptance through all that, as well as finding more ways to accommodate myself.