Danp123: when will this end

[danp123]

 long story short had a bad panic disorder growing up, got worse in my high school years doctor told me to take an SSRI to "calm me down" been on many drugs since then (cold turkeyed all of them) short durations for most of them accept sertaline i was on for 4 years. decided i didnt want to be on pills anymore and decided to come off of sert i did a month taper and felt a ton of side affects from them akathisia, very on edge, dpdr, leg pain, brain fog, headaches. theres way more i can say but my brain is so disorgainzed and blank i cant really express my story properly. im currently still suffering with the following issues. loss of passion, confustion, dpdr, pssd,brain fog,emotional bluntness, fatigue, visual problems, learning issues, cognitive issues, etc. in hindsight i was a very sensitive person who didnt understand what was happening to me. after reading Clare weekes series of books about anxiety i realized i never needed these stupid F****** pills.  it just sucks how slow my brain is now, i feel like a child in preschool i think ive somewhat improved over the 2 years but not alot. im 26 years old losing my 20s from this ****, never again will i ever take another pill, Never. My brain is so fried i cant think straight anymore. i haven't laughed in 2 years, i dont know if its my original issue or WD but i assume its AD. during my withdraw i reseached that lyme and co can also create similar symptoms to WD i took a test and it says im positive but the only doctor in my area who is very familar with lymes states i do not have the symptoms of lyme. But he did prescribe me a herbal protocol because of a potential infection, as of right now ive been taking it for a week and so far nothing really. I know this question as been asked 100000 times but is this permeant? will my pssd and company heal? ive been reading many entries on reddit and here and alot of them have been sick for years. how do i know this wont happen to me. i hate this i wish i could feel again. thanks for reading. 

[danp123]

anybody? 

[Catwoman73]

Hi @danp123, and welcome to SA!  We are a community of volunteers providing peer support in the tapering of psychiatric medications, and their associated withdrawal syndromes.  I apologize for the delay in responding- as volunteers, many of us have busy lives on top of our moderating duties.  Plus, the majority of us are also dealing with our own withdrawal issues- meaning, some days, it's just difficult to engage with the world. 

 

And welcome to another Canadian!  I live about an hour away from Toronto myself!

 

Thank you very much for completing your drug signature.  And I'm so very sorry for all you have experienced.  You are in good company here. 

 

It sounds to me like you are in protracted withdrawal from multiple rapid tapers and cold turkey stops.  If you have explored this site a little bit, I'm sure you have discovered that we recommend tapering these medications by no more than 10% of the current month's dose, no more frequently than every four weeks.  This is known as hyperbolic tapering, and is designed to minimize acute withdrawal symptoms, and lessen the risk of protracted withdrawal.  Unfortunately, I can count on one hand the number of doctors on the planet that seem to be aware of the need for tapering this way, so the majority of the people on this site, like you, have been rapidly tapered or cold turkeyed off of our drugs by the medical community.  You can read more about hyperbolic tapering here, if it is of interest:

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Protracted withdrawal is really tough.  There are many here who have experienced it, like you, at the prime of their lives.  I am among them- I was in severe protracted withdrawal for many years while I was getting married, and giving birth to my daughter.  Only I didn't understand what it was at the time- I thought I was just going insane.  We do have a thread on protracted withdrawal that I will link below.  I would avoid reddit- it can be a very negative place.  We do have many members here who have recovered from protracted withdrawal, including our founder, Altostrata!  So there is hope for you.

 

Protracted Withdrawal or PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome)

 

I also want to link you to our thread on PSSD.  There are some very negative posts in this thread- I think this is because most people find this to be one of the most troubling PAWS symptoms, for obvious reasons.  But there are also some good stories in there too.  I know Altostrata has healed 100% from her PSSD.  I have suffered from SSD and PSSD myself, so I completely understand what a terrible symptom it is. 

 

PSSD, Post SSRI Sexual Dysfunction

 

I know this is difficult to hear, but healing from PAWS can take many years.  But you WILL heal.  There are a few things you can do to help facilitate healing.  None of them will come as a bit surprise to you- you can eat a balanced, whole foods diet, stay adequately hydrated, engage in gentle exercise, get enough rest/sleep, and avoid any neurologically active substances, such as caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, and recreational drugs.  We also strongly recommend avoiding taking any other psych meds to deal with these issues (though it sounds like that won't be a temptation for you).  Taking other psych meds can make you feel worse rather than better, and creates a situation where you have to taper off of something else down the road, thereby prolonging your journey. 

 

I also firmly believe that taking good care of your mental wellbeing contributes significantly to the healing process.  It is very normal to go through a grieving process when dealing with PAWS.  So experiencing anger, frustration, sadness and desperation are all part of it.  As with any grieving process, the ultimate goal is to get to a place of acceptance.  In this case, not acceptance of being unwell forever, but acceptance of the fact that life isn't quite turning out the way you had hoped, and you have to change gears a little bit in order to allow for healing.  There are a few things I have found extremely helpful in moving towards acceptance.  I'm not perfect, by any means, but most days, I have learned to go with the flow, and deal with my symptoms from a place of calm curiosity.  It may not sound like much, but I practice mindfulness vigilantly.  All day every day.  It's a tough practice to master, but once you get the hang of it, you will cope much better with your day to day symptoms.  To practice mindfulness, all you have to do is focus on what your senses are telling you about your environment.  For example, if I am doing the dishes, I focus on the warmth of the water, the weight of each dish, the sound of the suds in the sink, etc.  If my mind wanders, I just bring it back to the present moment.  Over time, this becomes much more automatic.  I have stopped ruminating about how long this is all going to take, and I've learned to just live in the moment, freeing my brain up to do the healing it needs to do.  Give this a try!  Like I said, it takes a lot of practice, but it's worth the effort. 

 

We do have a lot of threads here on coping with symptoms.  I will link them below.  I do find guided meditations quite helpful (again- it takes a while to get your brain really responding to them, but it's worth it!), along with music and distraction!  My favourite distractions are swimming, and artistic stuff (I am no artist lol, but the focus it takes to do a paint by numbers is a wonderful distraction).  

 

Apathy, anhedonia, emotional numbness, emotional anesthesia

 Derealization or Depersonalization

 Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

"Change the channel" - dealing with cognitive symptoms

Dealing With Emotional Spirals 

Shame, guilt, regret, and self-criticism

 

It is a good idea to keep a symptom journal as you heal.  This allows you to see that you do have days/weeks that are better than others.  In fact, this is a normal part of the healing process that we refer to as the windows and waves pattern of stabilization.  Read more about this here:

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Lyme disease in the context of withdrawal is extremely complicated.  It is very common for those of us dealing with withdrawal to become hypersensitive to all sorts of things, including medications, supplements, herbs and even foods!  So treating Lyme can, at times, make you feel worse rather than better.  This is where it is a good idea to keep that symptom journal- it can help you identify whether or not the treatment is aggravating your pre-existing symptoms.  We only recommend two supplements on this site in terms of treating withdrawal- magnesium and omega-3 fatty acids.  Even with those, it's a good idea to start with a low dose to see how you fare, and increase slowly over time.  I am a prime example of the odd reactions you can get with these things- magnesium, rather than relaxing me and helping me sleep, causes brain zaps and insomnia for me!

 

I'm not at all telling you to stop your herbals for Lyme- just be mindful of your symptoms, and discuss it with your doctor, should you start feeling worse. 

 

In summary, with PAWS, it can take time, but there are a variety of things you can do to facilitate healing, and to make the journey a bit more bearable.  I do find that having a like-minded community is very helpful- that's where this site comes in.  Feel free to explore the forum to keep learning, and don't hesitate to read and drop a comment on the intro threads of other members.  Withdrawal can be a very lonely journey, but it is much easier when you have support- we can help with that!

 

This is your introduction topic- each member gets one intro topic.  Please post any questions, comments or concerns here, on this thread. 

 

Thinking of you, and sending healing vibes your way! ❤️‍🩹

[danp123]

@Catwoman73 Thank you for that wonderful response. ill be using this website as a journal every month ill come by and state how i am doing. the thing that freaks me out the most is how some people have it for more then 10 years and you just dont know if thats going to be you. plus the suicides from going through this whole ordeal is not unlikely sadly, i read a members page her until she decide to call it quits. very sad. i hope your doing well and how gos your recovery? 

[Catwoman73]

I have long covid on top of withdrawal, so it's complicated lol!  I'm managing ok though- tapering slowly is vastly different than my cold turkey stops in the past- it's much more manageable.  

 

I had PAWS for seven years after my last cold turkey stop- I stopped three meds at once. I want to assure you, it wasn't all hell.  Over time, the windows got longer, and the waves got less intense.  Until one day, I just realized that I was ok again!  If you can just hang in there through the worst of it, work really hard on those non-drug coping mechanisms, you can get through this.  Acceptance really does make things easier- learn to work within the limits that withdrawal places on you- explore some new, quieter hobbies.  I'm a stupidly optimistic person lol- I try to look at this whole mess as an opportunity, rather than something that has ruined my life.  Maybe I'm delusional, but I'm happily deluded, for the most part!!!

 

Please don't let the suicides scare you.  Yes, we do get them here now and then.  And it's awful when it happens. But it really is the exception, not the rule.  A much better thing to explore is the success stories forum- it brings me hope that so many before me have healed, and gone on to live their best lives.  Here's the success story forum- it's a very happy place lol!

 

Success Stories- Recovery From Psychiatric Drug Withdrawal

[danp123]

the weirdest feeling i have is i can go on a long drive to go somewhere and it can feel like i never went on the drive?? like i work a long hour day and come home like nothing happened. 

 

does anybody understand what i am trying to explain? 

[Barry2954]

After ten and a half years I am now wondering whether it will be possible for me to reverse my PAWS (BIND). I have recently learnt that benzodiazepines inhibit two key enzymes so inducing pretty much all of our symptoms. The first is the enzyme which breaks down acetylcholine; acetylcholinesterase. The second is the enzyme which hydrolyses ATP so that it releases a phosphate molecule in order to fuel cellular aerobic respiration. Excess levels of acetylcholine cause everything from anxiety, depression, increased allergic responses, reduced immune function, behavioural issues, muscle cramping, respiratory depression, and so on. For some of us it's also the shutdown of normal aerobic respiration, resulting from the combination of respiratory depression and inhibition of ATP hydrolysis, which results in the extreme fatigue and myopathy which we experience. There are websites which detail ways to reduce acetylcholine levels but I still don't know how to try to reverse the inhibition of ATP hydrolysis.

[danp123]

bump for my question

[Prozaster]

On 8/24/2024 at 12:08 PM, danp123 said:

the weirdest feeling i have is i can go on a long drive to go somewhere and it can feel like i never went on the drive?? like i work a long hour day and come home like nothing happened. 

 

does anybody understand what i am trying to explain? 

Hey, I'm not sure exactly but it sounds like maybe your perception of time is messed up? I've had some really weird issues with that. Or it could be like dissociation where you do something but aren't really "present" for it and don't have much recollection afterwards. In any case I hope you can find some improvement soon; I'm sorry you've had to deal with so much.

[danp123]

ya this is pretty messed up i feel totally mentally disabled. i dont even know if this is WD or something else. are my symptoms from sertraline or from the other ones. its all very confusing and im slowly giving up i have no idea what to do. im lost but i dont want to live like this for years. f*** you dr chung @Prozaster

[danp123]

i havent smiled in 2 years, it just aint worth it