Lagatamaya: Startes Trintellix 2 days ago, afraid to continue

[Lagatamaya]

Hi! 

My question is: I've been very depressed and suicidal lately, so I decided taking AD after years of refusing to do it. Today's my 2nd day on Trintellix. I know I don't want to stay on AD for life, so this means I will need to stop them sooner that later... and that makes me wonder if the horrible long WD symptoms worth it?

 

Because of the stories on this forum I've been very scared to start AD (again), and now that I finally decided it out of desperation, I'm reconsidering if I should stop? Doctors are useless, so I ask you very sincerely, do you think it worth it?

 

Many years ago I tried AD for 3 months,  my dr changed them every month because I experienced bad side effects on all of them (Citalopram, Sertraline, Fluoxetine). From the 3rd day I felt anxiety, paranoia on Citalopram, short breath, insomnia, and horrific hunger that I never experienced before. I gained a looot of weight because consuming large portions of food was the only way to stop shaking and experiencing anxiety and short breath when I woke up at night.

 

 I got fed up and I stopped cold turkey. I didn't know anything about WD, but when I felt it, I went back to medication and tapered it, but not as slowly as should. 

 

I have chronic fatigue syndrome so I'm very sensitive to drugs and supplements, and even Saffron caused me the same symptoms on the 3rd day. Although SAME or St John's wort no, but I took them very rarely I admit. 

 

After being on AD for 3 months with all these side effects and after stopping meds, many of the symptoms of taking them AND of WD persisted for months and some for years. I do think they did something permanent to my nervous system. So I never wanted to take them again. But lately I've been for two weeks extremely suicidal due to my illness and economic situation, I searched info on internet, found ways to peacefully die, bought the substance, thoroughly though about my plan. I don't want to die but I feel like I have no other choice. This scares me. 

 

My major fear is that if I take them to stabilize for several months, then want to stop them (even correctly), I'll be even in the worth state than now.  So I will have to be on them for life. 

 

 

[Catwoman73]

Hi @Lagatamaya, and welcome to SA!  We are a community of volunteers providing peer support in the tapering of psychiatric medications and their associated withdrawal syndromes. 

 

Thank you for completing your drug signature. 

 

The first thing I need to say is that if you are actively suicidal, and have a plan to proceed, we are not professionals here, and have no qualifications to assist you through this- you should absolutely seek immediate medical care.  Your safety is what is important to us.  But I do want to respond to your post, because I feel your pain, and want to help.

 

It is pretty rare that we get people on this site that are in a similar position to you, having just started a medication, and having questions about whether or not taking it is the right decision for them.  Most people here have sad and sometimes scary stories about being led down the wrong path by well-meaning physicians, who don't fully understand what they are doing with these drugs.  

 

I think you are very wise to be questioning whether taking Trintillex is right for you.  You are not likely going to find many people here who think that psychiatric drugs are a great idea, given that this is a site filled with people who have been injured by psych meds!  So there is a very biased view here on SA.  From a more objective standpoint, there are people who start and stop these drugs with minimal difficulty.  Some with no difficulties at all!  Then there is the other side of the coin- the stories you see here, where there is often years of pain and suffering.  Only you can decide what to put in your body, and if it's worth the risk to take these medications.  The fact that you have had issues stopping them in the past makes it more likely that you will have difficulties stopping this one down the road as well.  But- I can only say what my experience has been... despite knowing the difficulties I have coming off of these meds, I chose to go back on them in 2016, as I was suffering cruelly, and anything was better than what I was feeling at the time.  

 

I can say with some authority that a proper tapering plan does make a huge difference, and makes coming off the medications much easier.  You don't have to be stuck on these drugs forever.  I have done many rapid tapers and cold turkey stops in the past, and at one point, I had seven years of protracted withdrawal.  This time, I am tapering according to the advice here on this site, and having a much easier time of it.  You may have already done some reading here, but we recommend tapering by no more than 10% of your current dose, no more often than every 4 weeks.  This is known as hyperbolic tapering, and is designed to release the receptors in the brain from the drug slowly, at a rate we can tolerate, thereby minimizing, and in some cases eliminating withdrawal symptoms.  For those who are more sensitive, there are other micro-tapering plans available as well- this is what I am currently using.  Please see the following link on the importance of doing a slow, hyperbolic taper.  I will include a link to the micro-tapering plan I am using as well. 

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

The Brassmonkey Slide Method of Microtapering

 

If you are truly feeling suicidal, and have a plan to proceed, again, I would strongly recommend you seek immediate help from a healthcare provider.  In situations like that, I personally do think there may be some benefit to short term usage of psychiatric medications (again, my personal opinion only, as someone who has been there).  I will say that with one qualification though- medications are not a cure.  They are a bandaid.  They tend to numb the emotions, which is sometimes a welcome relief when you are in truly bad shape.  If you choose to continue taking the Trintillex, I would strongly recommend you use the time that you are on medication to practice and learn methods of coping with difficult emotions without drugs- we all need a toolbox to be able to carry us through difficult times.  Starting to practice these non-drug coping techniques while taking the medications will put you in a good position to be able to manage the withdrawal symptoms, if/when they come, and to manage stress and illness throughout your life.  Below are links to some of the techniques that we recommend here, though you may find some of your own as well.  I find swimming to be very calming, along with artistic endeavours (I'm no artist lol- I've been enjoying paint by numbers as a distraction from my difficult days).  In terms of professional help in learning coping mechanisms, cognitive behavioural therapy is very helpful, but you have to be willing to do the homework that your therapist gives you.  It takes work, but it's worthwhile. 

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

"Change the channel" - dealing with cognitive symptoms

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

 

I understand the heavy impact that chronic illness can have on your mental health.  I suffer from long covid, and have been on disability for the last two years.  I've lost my career, friendships, and many meaningful things in my life during that time.  So I can fully sympathize with you.  I can say that learning these non-drug coping mechanisms, and practicing them day in, day out, has made a huge difference for me.  I no longer worry as much about the future, and I feel very grounded, and prepared to handle whatever this journey throws at me.  I didn't get here overnight- I had to practice mindfulness, meditation and challenging my negative thoughts over and over and over.  But in the long run, it has been absolutely worthwhile to put the effort into this, as I have learned to respond to pain and stress with a degree of calm I never dreamed possible. You can do this too- anyone can.  And I know you're a strong person- coping with ME/CFS is no joke.  With the correct tools and some solid social support, you can learn to cope, even if it means taking these meds for 6 months to a year, in order to allow you the time to learn these coping mechanisms. 

 

Anyway, I hope I've given you a few things to consider.  But most importantly, it is imperative that you seek help if actively suicidal, as we are only volunteers here, not professionals who can advise you appropriately in that situation.  The world is a better place with you in it, and we want you to be safe.  Once you have gotten the help you need, we are happy to support you in properly tapering any medications you are on when the time comes. 

 

Sending love and hugs to you! ❤️‍🩹

 

[Lagatamaya]

Dear @Catwoman73, I wholeheartedly thank you for your reply. I felt heard and understood, and I greatly appreciate it during these hard times. I will check all the links you recommended and give them a try.

 

After being for only 4 days on Trintellix, I felt the same side effects as always: agitation, insomnia and huuuge hunger, especially at night. It's sooo annoying being hungry all the time no matter what I eat. It sucks that I'm so sensitive with meds, or even supplements, the dose was so low! And after so many years of illness I just go so scared to try new meds because sometimes the outcomes were worse and I'm afraid to damage even more my super fragile system (and that's  how I ended up on this website).

 

So I decided to stop them, but instead I began sessions with a therapist.

I don't have much money, but I asked my family and now I have money for at least several sessions. 

 

CFS/ME is not recognized in my country, so I have no economic help from the state, and since I can't work standard hours, my situation is not very good money wise. But when one is on the verge of giving up, mental health needs to be a priority. I truly wonder how I managed to live with SFC without medication or therapy, because it's just unbearable. 

I'm sorry that you got long covid and how it changed your life, I feel you, people who didn't experience it just can't understand what it is. I hope you do a lot of pacing, it's the best thing we can do for our health. 

 

Thank you very much again, you helped me a lot! 

 

[Catwoman73]

Good for you for making an informed, and logical decision, and doing something proactive to help with your mental health.  I sincerely hope it goes well for you.  If you find you aren't loving your therapist, don't hesitate to try someone new with a different approach.  There are lots out there, and sometimes it takes some time to find the right fit! 

 

I'm so sorry that ME/CFS is not recognized there.  That's tragic and completely unfair.  I'm very lucky to have been approved for long term disability here- it has allowed me to fully focus on wellness.  Nonetheless, I would love to try a few more things to help with my long covid symptoms, like acupuncture, osteopathy, etc.  But my disability payments are not that great, so I just can't afford to do it.  But, like you, therapy is the one thing I have put the money into, because the last thing I need on top of all the physical symptoms is to allow the thoughts to spiral out of control. My therapist has been great about helping me develop some tools to deal with the pain and the emotional side of the journey.  I honestly feel more stable than I have in my entire adult life right now.  I hope you're able to find the same thing!

 

I'm glad I could help you, even a little bit.   It doesn't sound like you'll be needing this site, which is a very good thing!  Wishing you nothing but the best in your future! ❤️