TrixiePixie: Love Lost During Withdrawal

[TrixiePixie]

Hi Everyone!

 

I wanted to start this post off with a big thank you... my boyfriend is going through withdrawal after being on 20mg of escitloptam for rough 12-13 years, and the information and testimonials I've found here have been more helpful to me than you know.

 

I am hoping that this community may be able to shed some light or give some words of support as he recently told me that while he loves me, he doesn't feel like we are compatible. I am the best partner he has ever had, but he doesn't know if he wants a future with me. He has always wanted to get married and have kids, but he doesn't know if it's in the cards for him. He is terrified of losing me, but is no longer committed to me. I am obviously devastated... no matter how many posts I've read of people going through similar situations, words hurt. I have mentioned to him how much his dopamine and testosterone has been affected, but he is convinced that this is not a withdrawal thing.

 

My boyfriend and I have only been together a short while, a couple months shy of 2 years, but our relationship has been full of love, and a commitment to build a life together... marriage, kids, the works. Being in our 30's we both felt it was important to be intentional through the early stages of dating, focusing on making sure our life goals and personalities were compatible, and so we built a strong foundation before moving in together in December of last year. Not to mention, we had insane physical chemistry, he is the single most caring, thoughtful, attentive, affectionate, supportive person I have met... the list goes on but I think you get my drift. The passion and romance was there along with all of the life goal stuff.

 

Fast forward to now, he has been going through withdrawals the last couple of months that began after a too fast taper in Janurary. Within 4 months he was off completely, and he skipped doses to taper. Early on when he began tapering I shared this site with him, due to my concerns about the fast taper, but he was uninterested in joining or even lurking.

 

He had a major wave that was triggered by a back injury that kept flaring up. He took 3 weeks off work to try and heal it up for good, but during this time he spiraled. He has since gone back to work and it seems like he is in a bit of a window now. However, he grows more distant from me. He was always very physically affectionate, that has almost completely gone away. He doesn't want to kiss or cuddle and increasingly wants more and more alone time. Finally he told me all of the contradictory things I listed above... I've always wanted to have kids, but I don't know if I want kids. I love you but we aren't compatible. Etc. And that he misses the way he felt and feels extremely guilty.

 

I've read so many stories and articles... I know this is likely withdrawals still, but with refusing to do the research himself he doesn't think it's withdrawal. It's only been about 3 months since he went off.

 

Any advice on how I might be able to cope with this and how I can support my boyfriend would be appreciated. Even individual stories of people who felt thus way and how long it lasted. So far I've been trying to gently "plant seeds" of knowledge I've learned from this sight into our conversations, and just being as supportive, understanding and calm as I can. But going from talking about a wedding venue to being told he doesn't feel committed to me anymore hurts more than anything. 

 

Any words of wisdom are appreciated! Thank you!

[Emonda]

Welcome @TrixiePixie

Sorry to read your story.

 

It sounds like you've done quite a lot of reading about your boyfriend's WD experience. Being informed yourself is a great start.

 

On 9/2/2024 at 6:17 PM, TrixiePixie said:

Any advice on how I might be able to cope with this

 

I don't feel qualified to comment on this. Chatting to a counsellor might be worth exploring.

 

On 9/2/2024 at 6:17 PM, TrixiePixie said:

and how I can support my boyfriend

 

You can provide information and links on this site, but he has to want to read, digest, and learn.

 

On 9/2/2024 at 6:17 PM, TrixiePixie said:

So far I've been trying to gently "plant seeds" of knowledge I've learned from this sight into our conversations, and just being as supportive, understanding and calm as I can

 

Sounds like a great approach to me.

 

On 9/2/2024 at 6:17 PM, TrixiePixie said:

But going from talking about a wedding venue to being told he doesn't feel committed to me anymore hurts more than anything. 

 

All I can say is that WD is very hard, and people don't feel like their normal selves. I think time and patience from your end are required.

 

Hopefully someone else will jump is with some wisdom.

 

Wishing you well, Emonda