lexaprostrugglebus: Stuck in Lexapro hell

[lexaprostrugglebus]

Hey all,

 

I’m just desperately needing some insight because I am genuinely at a point where I don’t know what the right decisions are anymore.
 

As of August 8, I’m a month off of Lexapro 10mg, after having a messy taper that lasted pretty much all July. I stopped at 5mg cold turkey after taking it for two weeks because I just couldn’t bare to take it anymore. My withdrawal symptoms (mainly severe disassociation & anxiety) HAVE improved somewhat, but are definitely still bad. 
 

I just haven’t felt like myself in weeks, and it sounds dramatic but I feel like I’m forgetting what my normal even feels like because I’ve been stuck in withdrawal for so long. There are some days where I feel like I’m really improving & getting back to myself, but most days I genuinely just feel like I’m doing my best to almost “perform” as normal “me” so that no one knows how unbelievably anxious I feel. Also depressive symptoms have returned very strongly with very unhelpful thoughts, as well some resurfacing of ED thoughts.

 

On one hand I can convince myself that I’m improving and should keep powering through because *maybe* things will clear up by the 6 week mark or whatever, but on the other hand i genuinely feel horrible, anxious, disconnected, depressed, and scared, so I feel like i should reinstate at 2.5mg to see if that eases things. But what if it doesn’t and it makes everything worse? What if I’m jus restarting the cycle?

 

Do I do my best to keep going or do I reinstate? I’m just so confused and I’m struggling to figure it out alone.

 

Any help would be appreciated.

Edited September 8 by Emonda
Name to title

[Catwoman73]

Hello, @lexaprostrugglebus, and welcome to SA!  We are a community of volunteers providing peer support in the tapering of psychiatric medications, and their associated withdrawal syndromes.  

 

Thank you for completing your drug signature.  And I'm very sorry for your current struggles.  

 

Unfortunately, it seems you tapered much too fast from your lexapro, and you are currently experiencing very typical withdrawal symptoms.  See this list of typical withdrawal symptoms- I'm sure much of it will look familiar to you. 

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

Here at SA, we recommend tapering by no more than 10% of your current dose, no more often than every four weeks (so, in your case, 10mg-9mg-8.1mg-7.3mg, etc).  This is known as hyperbolic tapering, and is designed to release the receptors from the effects of the drug very slowly, thereby minimizing withdrawal symptoms.  Your prescribing doctor likely knows nothing about this harm reduction method of tapering. Most have no clue.  You can read more about hyperbolic tapering here:

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

When you say that you have some days where you feel like you're improving, and other days where you don't, I want to reassure you that this is an absolutely normal part of the healing process from these drugs- we call it the windows and waves pattern of stabilization.  You can read more about windows and waves here:

 

Windows and waves pattern of stabilization

 

As for next steps for you, you have two options.  One- you can tough this out, and continue as you are.  You will heal- everybody does, given time and stability.  But I can't tell you how long it will take- we are all different in that regard.  Your second option would be to reinstate.  I would not recommend jumping straight to 2.5mg- you may need significantly less than that to see enough improvement in your symptoms.  I would start at 0.5mg, hold for 1-2 weeks and see how you fare.  That might be just enough to take the edge off.  If not, you can increase no more often than weekly in 0.5mg increments.  The idea of reinstatement is find a dose that makes your symptoms more tolerable, then hold, likely for many months, in order to stabilize.  Then you could tapering hyperbolically to prevent your symptoms from becoming so severe again.  If you decide you would like to try reinstating, I can help you figure out how to get those oddball doses.

 

In either case, you do have a journey ahead of you that is going to require patience, and some work on your part to optimize yourself for healing.  It is best to eat a balanced, whole foods diet, stay adequately hydrated, get enough rest/sleep, and get gentle exercise.  Avoid neurologically active substances, such as caffeine, nicotine, alcohol and recreational drugs- these will only destabilize you further.  Avoid taking other psychiatric drugs to treat the symptoms of psychiatric drug withdrawal- the results are not predictable, and can make you worse rather than better.  Not to mention, you would just be creating a situation where you will have to taper off of something else in the future, thereby prolonging your withdrawal journey.  Here at SA, we only recommend two supplements- magnesium and omega-3 fatty acids.  Do be mindful though, it is quite common for those in withdrawal to develop hypersensitivities to all sorts of things, including medications, supplements and even foods!  So if you start taking anything, even our recommended supplements, start with a very low dose, and increase slowly if you tolerate them at all.  I, for one, cannot take magnesium- I have paradoxical insomnia and brain zaps when I do!

 

It is a good idea to start developing some non-drug coping mechanisms on your journey.  This will not only help you get through the challenges of withdrawal, but will help carry you through stressful events in your day to day life even when withdrawal is long in your rearview mirror!  We have many threads on self-care and symptom management here at SA- I will link some of them below for you.  Personally, I practice mindfulness every minute of every day, I use guided meditations/yoga Nidra to help with sleep at night, I practice lots of CBT techniques, like box breathing, challenging negative thoughts, etc.  I also enjoy pleasant distractions, such as swimming (I almost feel normal in the water!) and creating art. All of these things help me get through the rough times. 

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

"Change the channel" - dealing with cognitive symptoms

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

Symptoms and Self Care

 

No matter what option you choose, starting a symptom journal is a good idea.  This allows you to easily identify your windows and waves, and see how far you've come over time.  Track your symptoms each day, and rate them on a scale of 1-10.  You can use the list of typical withdrawal symptoms above as a template, if you like.  If you choose to track foods, activities and supplements as well as symptoms, it can help identify things that trigger your symptoms.  Sometimes waves have no trigger, but sometimes they do.  Personally, I am triggered by intense exercise, magnesium, coffee (even decaf), and chamomile, of all things!  Crazy what these drugs do to you!

 

In summary, you have two options- keep going as you are, or try a low dose reinstatement, with the idea of stabilizing, and doing a hyperbolic taper down the road.  In either case, it's a good idea to take really good care of yourself right now, both mentally and physically, in order to optimize your healing.  

 

I want to reassure you that you are NOT alone- there are thousands on this site who are dealing with the same issues that you are.  And you will heal.  We all do.  That's what humans are designed to do- you would have to fight pretty hard NOT to!!!  

 

This is your introduction topic- each member gets one intro topic.  Please post updates, question, concerns here, on this thread.  But don't hesitate to explore the rest of the forum- there's lots of good info here!  And if you feel up to it, feel free to read the intro threads of other members, and drop a comment/word of support.  This journey can be a lonely one, as you've discovered.  I can attest that it does help to create a community where people understand what you are experiencing, and can support you on your path.  We can be that community for you! 

 

Sending healing vibes!  I look forward to following your journey!❤️‍🩹

 

 

[lexaprostrugglebus]

Hi @Catwoman73

 

You have no idea the sigh of relief I had when I got the notification that someone responded to this... thank you so so much, it means the world to me. 

 

I was reading up on some of the windows and waves information shortly after I posted this, which made me feel little bit better. It's just so tough because during those waves I really get bogged down and feel super hopeless, and SO friggin anxious. My anxiety during the waves can reach such high points that I almost feel like I'm like 'performing' as me when I'm at work/with friends? If that makes sense? Almost to like mask my anxiety so that no one suspects anything. However, it usually backfires and just makes me act weird and hyper focused on every little thing I'm doing and saying, which pushes me further into my own head. Just horrible.

 

I had a breaking point today (in a wave) where I decided I would reinstate and took 2.5mg (😢), as per my pharmacist's direction, but I already regret it. I've been in my head all afternoon since taking it and my anxiety is so elevated. The thought of waking up tomorrow for work and feeling even worse than I do now is really eating at me. My job is very talk-oriented and requires me to be sharp, on my feet, with the ability to make quick assessments, and I just feel so impeded everyday.

 

 I just don't know what the right decisions are anymore and I feel like everyone I talk to seems to not really know much (besides you, thankfully). Is it fine to not continue the reinstating? Or have I opened that can of worms now with taking it today? I also know it's impossible to know how things will fare out if I don't reinstate, but I just get so scared when I see some stories of people going months and months with symptoms, up to over a year, and I just don't think I could handle that. 

 

I'll also definitely start some of the self-care coping strategies. I think for the last few weeks I've just been like what's the point, I feel like **** so why bother doing anything to help myself, which I know is not the best approach. It's actually funny that you mentioned intense exercise as being a trigger, because early days of withdrawal I definitely felt way worse during workouts. Super foggy and disconnected for sure.

 

My only relief right now is that I found this website, truly. Thank you so much for connecting with me and helping me out. 

[Catwoman73]

You should be totally fine to stop the reinstatement.  One dose of 2.5mg shouldn't set you back.  2.5mg is most likely way too high a reinstatement dose anyway- and reinstating too high can be disastrous, leading to hypersensitivity, and it's more severe cousin, kindling.  I'll link below on those conditions so you know what to watch for.  It's important to start a reinstatement at a very low dose, and move very slowly to prevent this.  So, the alternative to just abandoning reinstatement would be to continue to reinstate, but go with a much lower dose.  Like 0.5mg.  You would need to hold at that dose for a minimum of one week, preferably two, to see if it's making any difference.  Tracking your symptoms in a journal is very helpful here, because as you know, when you feel like garbage, sometimes it's hard to recall how you felt a week or two ago vs. how you feel today.  

 

Hypersensitivity and kindling

 

I'm assuming you have 5mg pills available- if you want to try a lower reinstatement dose, you can dissolve a 5mg pill in 5mL of water.  Just let it sit there until it's fully dissolved.  Then you would add 5mL of either pure maple syrup (not the fake stuff) or ora-plus (you can purchase on amazon).  So this would be 5mg/10mL, or 0.5mg/mL.  So you would take 1mL of that solution for a dose of 0.5mg.  

 

3 hours ago, lexaprostrugglebus said:

I'll also definitely start some of the self-care coping strategies. I think for the last few weeks I've just been like what's the point, I feel like **** so why bother doing anything to help myself, which I know is not the best approach. It's actually funny that you mentioned intense exercise as being a trigger, because early days of withdrawal I definitely felt way worse during workouts. Super foggy and disconnected for sure.

 

I totally understand becoming apathetic and hopeless.  You are certainly not the only person around here who has felt that way!  I promise you that it's worth working on those non-drug coping mechanisms- it takes a while to really start seeing the benefits, but once you do, it's life changing.  I had the misfortune of developing long covid two years ago (yes, on top of withdrawal and perimenopause lol), and I swear- mindfulness and meditation have been life saving for me.  With patience and practice, these things really do help!

[lexaprostrugglebus]

Okay phew! I was worried.
 

Dissolving the pill down actually makes so much sense! I’ll follow your mixing instructions and start the 0.5mg tomorrow for sure, just to see if it helps. I even have a ml syringe already 😊 so that’s perfect.

 

Also I really enjoyed mindfulness a few years ago & found great benefit doing it; it’s just gotten away from me! Might be the perfect time to start-up again.

 

I’ll keep you posted! Thank you so much.