Tallpatch32 Cold Turkey Off Zoloft

[tallpatch32]

Hello,

 

I discovered this forum probably around six months after quitting Zoloft cold turkey. I have read most of the introduction and guideline advice and I am aware that doing cold turkey was a terrible idea. Unfortunately, it was hard to find accurate information on tapering antidepressants and my psychiatrist cut me off when I told her I wanted to get off antidepressants. I have thought about reinstating a very low dose of some medication to start the taper process that is recommended, but have doubts on if it would provide any benefit. I fear I would gain no relief and would then be stuck tapering another drug. 

 

A bit about me; I started taking Prozac at ten years old to deal with my obsessive thoughts and PTSD from losing my mother at a young age as well as violence. I was exposed to sexual content at a very young age and was having obsessive and what I deemed deviant thoughts that I couldn't control. I did talk therapy for a few years, but the Prozac seemed to be a miracle drug for making the thoughts and ruminations go away. Although I was prone to mild depression throughout high school, mostly due to being bullied or life circumstances like verbally and emotionally abusive guardians, I was very much stable. 

 

Cue to adulthood. I started having extremely debilitating anxiety attacks. I had the same psychiatrist as I had as a child, but was no longer doing therapy. I started spiraling downward and having suicidal ideations. I was taken off Prozac and prescribed Lexapro. 

 

Over the next few years, I went on many different antidepressants to try to combat the growing numbness and apathy I felt for life. Although I grew a lot as a person, at the end of the day I felt that I would rather feel the lows if it meant I could have moments of true happiness. I expressed to my psychiatrist that I wanted to get off medication and she cut me off. I was very fed up with medication and lost all my trust in mental health professionals. I believe because of this I decided to do cold turkey. 

 

The first 9 months of withdrawal were very difficult. I was irritable all of the time, experienced extreme anhedonia, debilitating brain fog, and cystic acne. It was during this period that my long term relationship ended which was something else I didn't have the energy to deal with. In any event, I was seeing slow progress in all of these symptoms up until 11 months and that is when the obsessive thoughts combined with ruminations came back in full force. I started to become extremely paranoid that people were out to get me or that people were staring at me/trying to challenge me and I would have to fight or defend myself. I would say that this has improved by maybe 50%, but at this point I cannot even go outside to mow my lawn without feeling extreme paranoia. I am not quite agoraphobic, but cannot engage in any social situations.  I can hang out with family and some coworkers in the work place. 

 

I have been working with a therapist since the start of the year. In many ways I have made a lot of progress, but even with implementing the mindfulness techniques, trying exposing myself to anxiety inducing situations I am still struggling with the obsessions. I am still dealing with the off and on anhedonia and brain fog. It is just starting to feel like too much at this point. All that I have in life keeping me going is my job. Luckily I can work remote 80% of the time, but every single time I have to go into the office or to a client site I have the worst anxiety I have ever felt. Dating is out of the question. First dates at someone's house or maybe a late night movie are very difficult, but manageable. Naturally as soon as someone wants to go out to eat, a bar etc. I have to disengage. 

 

I am familiar with the concept of windows and waves and was feeling a lot better in June/July so I have not lost hope, but I am having a really hard time now. I am reaching out to see if reinstatement might be an option and what that would look like and the risk/reward. Any general advice/literature/techniques/exercises are very much appreciated. 

 

 

[Emonda]

Welcome @tallpatch32

 

On 9/9/2024 at 9:29 AM, tallpatch32 said:

I discovered this forum probably around six months after quitting Zoloft cold turkey.

 

Many of us find ourselves in this position...if only we had found the site earlier. I wish I found it when they started back in 2011.

 

 

On 9/9/2024 at 9:29 AM, tallpatch32 said:

I have thought about reinstating a very low dose of some medication to start the taper process that is recommended, but have doubts on if it would provide any benefit.

 

Reinstatement is best within the 1st 3 months, and you are way outside this now.

 

On 9/9/2024 at 9:29 AM, tallpatch32 said:

Over the next few years, I went on many different antidepressants to try to combat the growing numbness and apathy I felt for life.

 

Going on and off different ADs is very taxing on the body. It can take time to recover from this.

 

On 9/9/2024 at 9:29 AM, tallpatch32 said:

I have been working with a therapist since the start of the year. In many ways I have made a lot of progress,

 

This is positive. Recovery from ADs and a CT is not linear.

 

On 9/9/2024 at 9:29 AM, tallpatch32 said:

I am familiar with the concept of windows and waves and was feeling a lot better in June/July so I have not lost hope, but I am having a really hard time now. I

 

There are good days and not-so-good days/weeks/months. As you know, this is referred to as the Windows and waves pattern of stabilization.

 

On 9/9/2024 at 9:29 AM, tallpatch32 said:

I am reaching out to see if reinstatement might be an option and what that would look like and the risk/reward.

 

I wouldn't reinstate this far out. The risk is Kindling.

 

 

On 9/9/2024 at 9:29 AM, tallpatch32 said:

Any general advice/literature/techniques/exercises are very much appreciated. 

 

The following general links are worth reading:

Emotional Spirals

Non-drug coping strategies

We don't suggest many supplements, but two that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. Add one at a time and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

Avoid alcohol.

Once again, welcome to S.A.

Emonda

[tallpatch32]

Those links were good to read and will be helpful to stop the thought spirals. I can't expand the magnesium link, but I have been taking Omega 3 albeit around 1000mg a day. In regards to alcohol I stopped drinking for a majority of my cold turkey because I would either feel physically sick from drinking or feel drunk very easily. I tried to reintroduce it in small amounts and I seem to still be very sensitive and it's hit or miss whether the days or weeks afterwards are filled with more anxiety and obsessive thoughts.

 

I've decided to refrain my alcohol, tobacco, and I am working on weaning myself off caffeine. I am hoping that will help me be a bit more stable. Thanks for the response. 

[Emonda]

7 hours ago, tallpatch32 said:

I can't expand the magnesium link,

Magnesium Hopefully this works.

7 hours ago, tallpatch32 said:

will be helpful to stop the thought spirals.

 

I've certainly benefited in this way.

 

7 hours ago, tallpatch32 said:

In regards to alcohol I stopped drinking for a majority of my cold turkey because I would either feel physically sick from drinking or feel drunk very easily. I tried to reintroduce it in small amounts and I seem to still be very sensitive and it's hit or miss whether the days or weeks afterwards are filled with more anxiety and obsessive thoughts.

 

I read that drinking alcohol is like throwing petrol (you call it Gas, I think) on your anxiety. I was okay with it...until I wasn't. It was leaving me very anxious for days after just one drink.

 

7 hours ago, tallpatch32 said:

I've decided to refrain my alcohol, tobacco, and I am working on weaning myself off caffeine.

 

Most of the time I am ok with coffee at breakfast, but sometimes I have to pause that, too, when feeling anxious.

 

With time and much patience...you will bounce back.

 

Emonda