Watercauliflower Intro: Pristiq and beyond

[watercauliflower]

Five days ago I "hit zero" with Pristiq. Since I'm the majority of the way through my experience tapering I'm not sure if it's pointless to share my story, but maybe it will help someone - like reading other posts helped me. 

 

[If you're reading this in the future and want just my tapering info, I've included a line break further down to indicate where I start talking about that.]

 

I had a difficult childhood being raised in a home with drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, and domestic violence. When I was 9 my mother lost custody of me (and moved out of town). I was seperated from my two half siblings and sent to live with my father who I only had spent maybe a total of 100 hours with over the course of my entire life.

 

I didn't have the capacity to understand this at the time, but looking back it's obvious to me that this trauma took an insane toll on me. Looking back now I can see with clear eyes that I was experiencing a normal human reaction to what I had been through. I was not doing well and I needed help that I wasn't getting and my mental wounds festered. 

 

When I was 14 (2009) a friend reported me for planning a suicide attempt and this is when I found out from a community provided psychiatrist that I had a disorder- one that could magically be cured with the right pill (even though I was still living in an abusive situation and would continue to receive more and more mental wounds through my teens). If I could just get the right medicine I would be happy! Right?

 

Throughout my teens I had been diagnosed as dysthymic, majorly depressed, anxious, and most recently with PTSD. I have scattered memories of different psychiatrists and different medications as I moved around a lot between 09 and 14. I know for sure I took Lexapro and possibly 2-3 other antidepressants. I wish I could remember. None of them lasted long as they all had side effects of some kind and no benefit. 

 

Nothing made a difference until I was 21 (2016) and prescribed Pristiq. The man who I thought of as a doctor (actually a nurse practitioner) said it was time to try an snri and gave me the prescription with no discussion of what it would be like to get off the drug. 

 

At first it was good. My biggest struggles at the time were with focus, motivation, and energy. I felt a boost on Pristiq immediately. To me that was all I needed to know it was working. Id finally found my drug, a drug that surely I needed because I was so sad for "no reason". I was on my own now for 3 years so SURELY the first 18 years of my life weren't the culprit, it's a chemical imbalance! 🙄

 

I can't help but be frustrated with myself for being so eager to take the easy way. 

 

Any real beneficial effects I felt from Pristiq were short lived. Eventually the issues with executive functioning crept back in and I would have periods of depressed mood.

 

On the other hand, as time went on and my life was stable for longer I felt myself healing from being the human equivalent of an exposed nerve. Lows became more tolerable. I was able to pull myself out of a lot of negative thought patterns. 

 

So I stayed in the medicine. I was afraid that this new me depended on it. 

 

In 2019 my psych NP retired and I was passed to a new NP. In 2021 I moved across the country and although I tried to find a doctor I was once again only able to get a psych NP. 

 

Sometime after moving I started really wanting to tackle my issues with memory, motivation, and focus. This is when I was put on Wellbutrin. It had no effect but again no side effects so she just left me on it. I'm ambivalent about being on it although I would eventually like to come off. 

 

When I first got with this NP I expressed that I wanted to get off Pristiq as I felt I wasn't benefiting from it, but it took about 3 more years to realize the risks of being on this medication. 

 

It slowly added up. A missed funeral because I'd left my medication at home. Occasional issues at the pharmacy. Memories of accidentally missing doses. And finally an insurance change that left me cold turkey for 3 days. 

 

I realized that this was an extremely dangerous pill. I would never wish in my worst enemy the experience I had 3 days without Pristiq. My boyfriend coming home to find me in that state... It terrified him. That's when I knew I needed to get off of it while I still could do so on my own terms. 

 

The day I called my Psych NP to say I wanted to begin the process of getting off she told me that I should begin taking my current dose every other day and then cut it in half after 2 weeks. She then told me that this would be our last appointment together before she retired. I was instructed to start tapering and my new psych NP at the practice would check in with me in a month. 

 

I think that's the day something inside me changed irrevocably in regards to my respect and trust in psychopharmacology. How could she instruct me to start a taper at our last appointment together? How could she give me information that I now know is so WRONG??

 

I was determined to find a psychiatrist with an MD behind their name. Most places were booked out for months - or I could see a psych NP. I even went to an appointment that I believed would be with a doctor to find out it was with an NP. 

 

So I said fine. I'll do it myself. And I'll use the practice ive been with since 2021 for refills while I do. 

 

Now I promise to get to the actual taper and withdrawal experience soon. But I want to mention the experience I had with my new psych NP. 

 

When my last NP retired and the search for a doctor failed I began the taper I was suggested. It was hell immediately and in my search for relief I found this website. Immediately I devoured all the information here and followed the advice here (with some tweaking).  When it came time for my first meeting with this new NP I was armed with information she was not expecting. 

 

I told her that withdrawal symptoms were terrible and she recommended I cut it in half and take them every other day. I cut her off and said "you know this is a time release medication right? Are you aware of dose dumping? How much experience do you have with Pristiq?" She replied she had a few patients on it and admitted she never had facilitated a taper before. I practically laughed her off the phone before saying that it's not her fault that I'm in the situation im in, but that I have completely lost faith in psychiatric medicine. I told her what I was going to do on the taper process and I would let her know if I needed refills. I left that phone call completely baffled that she was so confident to give me bad advice, but EXTREMELY thankful for this website and all the people here. 

 

I think I'm boycotting nurse practitioners from now on. No offense to anyone here who may be one. 

 

Now to the taper:

 

----------

 

I admit that I did not do things the right or recommended way. If you're reading this and want to taper I would not suggest you do as I do, but follow the popular advice of this forum. 

 

My first drop in July was cold turkey but immediately I ramped back up to 75% of my original dose due to the severe withdrawal symptoms. Although 25% is a big drop, I hadn't yet fully discovered the methods here and so it is what it is and it set a precedent for the rest of my journey. 

 

The first few days I experienced typical flu like symptoms and gastrointestinal distress. There were one or two days of crying spells and dark thoughts, but I made it through. I spent the first few days in bed but a week later was well enough to attend a social function and even host guests that weekend. I still had symptoms though. Slow digestion and odd bowel movements. Food tasted terrible, especially sweets. Every day it got better. About a week and a half in I started using cannabis (legal) as a crutch because it seemed to act as a volume knob. When I was high I could turn down the BLECH until it was a hum in the background. I have used it daily since. 

 

My withdrawal symptoms seemed to completely disappear after 2 weeks and I was in great spirits. I cleaned my house top to bottom! 

 

After a week of feeling good I did my second drop, down to 25mg. The pattern repeated except this time it was a week in bed. Generally feeling ill and stomach issues led me to spend a week in bed.

 

Luckily the taste issues didn't return, but I found this drop to be the most emotional. Suddenly I was questioning my life choices. Why am I in this dead end job, shouldn't I have gone back to school? Maybe I DO want to be a mother?

 

These thoughts of course twisted quickly into negative spirals of "I can't" and ruminations on why. I found the best solution for this to be distraction, and thankfully there's no shortage of those these days. 

 

This time I have it a full month to settle, but again I was feeling myself (maybe better because of the newfound sense of hope after 2 good recoveries) after two weeks or so. 

 

The third drop was easy. Going from 25 to 18.75 felt like barely anything. I think a smarter person probably would enjoy that but it drove me crazy. It felt like if I wasn't actively feeling withdrawal then I was wasting time better spent progressing. I dropped down to 12mg after only a week. 

 

I definitely "felt" this drop but it was overall the easiest one. Mild flu symptoms, tummy issues, but overall I was in good shape after only a few days. That being said I don't feel like I fully bounced back from that drop like I did the others. I felt okay, but that burst of energy I had after "recovering" from my previous two drops didn't happen this time.

 

I also noticed that the cannabis had gone from helpful to hurtful. While it still helped mute symptoms it wasn't as effective as it was in the initial month and it actually started causing problems of its own. I was no longer smoking because I wanted to feel better. I was smoking all the time out of habit. Obviously I have developed a dependency, one that has the added benefit of being not so great for my sinuses. I believe this is the reason I don't feel like I bounced back from the penultimate drop. I've made myself sickly by inhaling burning plant matter. Who could have guessed? (everyone)

 

I finally felt ready to do my last drop down this past week. I know a drop from 12.5 to 0 is not ideal, but I was really in a hard spot with Pristiq. My BP had never heard of a compound pharmacy and swapping out medications wasn't ideal for me. I had been using the method of cutting pills and taking half the dose twice a day, but it became harder and harder. There is just no way I could cut a quarter of a tablet in half, and with the issues with suspension I had few other options.

 

I resolved myself to try zero and if it's terrible I would pursue a bridge. 

 

It's been almost a week at zero and I have to admit it has not been easy. My sleep schedule is completely out of whack. I have been sleeping as much as possible if I'm honest, in a sort of 8 hours awake 8 hours asleep pattern. I've been dealing with blurred vision and dizziness for the first time. I almost don't even notice any other symptoms, outside of the days when I was a blubbering mess. I think I am used to the stomach issues by now. Two nights ago I had almost total relief from the dizziness and vision issues for about 10 hours, which to me seems to be a positive sign things are going in the right direction. Similarly today after I was awake for 6ish hours I felt the symptoms subside again. 

 

I've decided that I will give it another week and if I'm not feeling a marked improvement I'll be reinstating at a smaller dose for a while but I'm hoping it's not necessary. 

 

I think my next biggest hurdle will be when I stop using the cannabis. While I've already reduced my usage from almost hourly to twice a day,I know that I've been playing a stupid game using it while going through this and it will be my own fault if all of this crumbles once I stop. 

 

I haven't seen anyone in these forums discuss using cannabis and the aftermath of stopping it's use once they have become stable at zero, so I guess I wrote this whole thing so that I can act as a lab rat or cautionary tale, depending on how the story goes. 

 

It's funny, as I have been typing this I've begun to feel pain in my ear. I'm not sure if this is a typical withdrawal symptom or if it points to an ear infection. Funnily enough I've gotten sinus and ear infections in the past that have caused dizziness and vertigo... And I had a bit of a runny nose the days before my drop to zero. Perhaps not everything I'm going through lately is a direct result of withdrawal. 😂 Perhaps I should stop smoking sooner rather than later. Tomorrow seems like a perfect day for a doctor's visit! 

 

I'll continue to update on my progress stabilizing (and perhaps I'll be another story of the dangers of tapering too fast, who knows!), then any affects of cannibas cessation, and perhaps a year from now I can share my journey getting off Wellbutrin (which thankfully seems I will have better odds of having a smooth transition).

 

Apologies for the extremely long post. I appreciate you reading and I hope that it gives a bit of hope to someone else out there that is googling "Pristiq withdrawals" and seeing for the first time that is one of the hardest drugs to get off of. It can be done. Take it slow... Way slower than I did!

 

[Catwoman73]

Hi @watercauliflower, and welcome to SA!  We are a community of volunteers providing peer support in the tapering of psychiatric mediations, and their associated withdrawal syndromes.  

 

Thank you for completing your drug signature.  I'm so sorry for all the bad advice you've received over the years.   You're in good company around here.  And please- don't beat yourself up about 'taking the easy way out.'  We were all led to believe that this is an organic illness, caused by an imbalance in the brain.  We know now that this is absolutely untrue, and that there are healthier, more safe ways of dealing with our trauma.  But hindsight is always 20/20, and we make the best decisions we can for ourselves with the information we have at the time.

 

It seems you've already discovered that, here at SA, we recommend tapering by no more than 10% of your current dose, no more often than every four weeks.  This is known as hyperbolic tapering.  Since you tapered much quicker than this, it is not at all surprising you are having some challenges now.  What you are describing does sound like pretty typical acute withdrawal.  Here is a list of typical withdrawal symptoms, for your reference.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

Because you tapered quite quickly, you are at increased risk for developing protracted withdrawal.  This is when symptoms last, or even START, well after the acute withdrawal period is over.  We see this a lot around here, and it's certainly something you should be aware of.  So if you develop some new or odd symptom six months from now, it is more than possible that it could still be chalked up to your fast taper.  Read more about protracted withdrawal here:

 

Protracted Withdrawal or PAWS (post-acute withdrawal syndrome)

 

It seems like you have already noticed that, while in recovery or while tapering, it is very common to have periods where you feel ok, and periods where you don't!  This is an absolutely normal part of the healing process, known as the windows and waves pattern of stabilization.  It is a good sign that your body and brain are on a healing path.  Read more about windows and waves here:

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

You talked about potentially pursuing a bridge, if needed.  Bridging comes with its own set of risks that you should absolutely be aware of.  If you feel compelled to reinstate something, you might be best to try Effexor IR 2-3 doses daily. Here is our info specifically related to tapering Pristiq, for your reference.  Also some info on bridging, so you know the potential dangers.

 

Tips for Tapering Off Desvenlafaxine/Pristiq

The Prozac Switch or Bridging with Fluoxetine

 

Regardless of what you choose to do, you WILL heal from this.  We all do, if we treat our body and brain right, and give it adequate time.  There is no guaranteed timeline to healing.  There are people that heal within weeks/months, and many of us take many years.  But you will get better. 

 

There are a few things you can do to help your brain and body heal more efficiently.  Eat a balanced, whole foods diet, stay adequately hydrated, get sufficient rest/sleep, and engage in gentle exercise.  Avoid all neurologically active substances, such as caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, and recreational drugs. I know you have been using cannabis- this can be very destabilizing while in withdrawal, and may actually be making you feel worse rather than better.  You will also want to avoid taking other psychiatric drugs to deal with the withdrawal effects of psych drugs.  The effects of other psych drugs while in withdrawal are unpredictable at best, and can make you feel much worse at worst.  Not to mention, starting anything new will mean tapering in the future, thereby prolonging your withdrawal journey.  I would certainly not recommend starting to taper your Wellbutrin for quite a while though- think months to a year, as you said.  You want to let your nervous system settle down as much as possible before starting on a new tapering journey.  

 

We only recommend two supplements here at SA- magnesium and omega-3 fatty acids.  Do be aware though, it is very common for those in withdrawal to become hypersensitive to all sorts of things, including medications, supplements, and even foods!  So if you start taking any new supplements, start with a very low dose to see how you fare.  If you tolerate it, you can increase the dosage slowly over time. 

 

You may benefit from starting a symptom journal at this time.  You can use the list of common withdrawal symptoms I linked above as a template, if you wish.  Rate each of your symptoms on a scale of 1-10 each day for severity.  This will help you see your windows and waves and your progress over time.  If you also choose to track other things, such as foods, supplements, activities, and cannabis usage, you may be able to also identify some triggers for your symptoms.  I have done this, and discovered that I no longer tolerate coffee (even decaf), chamomile, refined sugar, intense exercise, and magnesium (it has paradoxical effects in me, unfortunately- causes brain zaps and insomnia!). 

 

As for coping with symptoms while you heal, learning some non-drug coping mechanisms is vital at this stage of the game.  We have many, many threads on this subject here- I will link some of them below.  For me, I have developed a serious mindfulness practice, I use guided meditations/yoga Nidra/recordings of nature sounds to deal with anxiety and sleep problems.  I use CBT techniques to calm my nervous system and deal with anxiety- box breathing, challenging and replacing negative thoughts, etc.  My favourite thing is distractions though- I engage in all the things I'm passionate about to keep my mind off of withdrawal.  For me, this means swimming (I feel normal in the water), cooking, dancing, and working on artistic projects.  Finding some combination of techniques to manage the symptoms makes the journey to healing much less daunting. 

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

"Change the channel" - dealing with cognitive symptoms

Dealing With Emotional Spirals 

Shame, guilt, regret, and self-criticism

Symptoms and self-care

Mindfulness- Getting Started

 

On a final note- I can completely relate to questioning all of your life's choices while dealing with withdrawal.  I think this journey leads many of us to have so much deep insight into who we really are, at our core, and what we really want out of life.  I'm right there with you, and I'm looking at turning many of my life's decisions upside down!  It's totally ok to feel this way, and I firmly believe that our lives will be better and WE will be better people on the other side of this journey.  We will be more compassionate for ourselves and others, more in touch with what we want and need out of life, and less inclined to tolerate being treated badly, or doing jobs we hate, etc.  So really, this is an exciting time in many ways.  We are all transforming, and for the better!

 

Most of all, don't lose hope!  You will get to the other side of this, whether you choose to reinstate/bridge, or just ride this out.  We are all healing, all the time, whether it feels like it or not.  And we are all much, much stronger than we've ever given ourselves credit for.  This journey teaches us that, that's for sure! ❤️‍🩹

 

This is your introduction topic.  Each member gets one intro topic- please post updates or questions here, on this thread.  But do continue to explore the rest of the forum- there's a lot of good info here!  And it can be very helpful to built yourself a bit of a community of people who understand the challenges you are facing, so reading and commenting on the intro threads of other members is a great way to do that.  This journey can be a very lonely one- having a community helps!

 

I look forward to following your journey and helping in any way I can!

 

 

[LostInCanada]

Hey @watercauliflower thought I would mention that pristiq(desvenlafaxine) and effexor (Venlafaxine) are cousin drugs. Many change to effexor to taper effectively. Check out the member LyndaCarter. Her thread explains it more detail. She did the switch with little issue.

Might be something to think about if you need to reinstate. If you choose to reinstate, less is best. Always ask your moderator for a suggestion of a reinstatement dose.

Praying it goes smoothly for you. ♥️

Thanks for writing your story.

 

[watercauliflower]

Thank you both for all the good information!

 

A symptom journal will probably be my next step now, and it has been something that I've wanted to do long before my taper. I'm realizing that keeping track of how I'm feeling each day and looking for patterns is probably the BEST way to eventually figure out my highs and lows in life, withdrawal or not. 

 

I do know about effexor, hopefully it won't come to that but it's always good to have the option. It probably would have been smart to switch before I tapered but I was so frustrated with the medical system. Frustration makes for great decision making lol! I think that cutting my pills basically made my desvenlafaxine into venlafaxine so I'm hopeful that if it comes to that it will be a smooth transition!

 

I had a positive interaction with a medical professional today at the ENT where I was diagnosed with a sinus infection. And he actually asked me how many times I get sick like this per year, such a simple question but I felt so grateful! Really shows how I've come to expect to be handed a prescription and rushed out the door. 

 

I'm convinced I gave myself the sinus infection via smoke irritation. Safe to say I'm cold turkey-ing cannabis, thank you weed for all your help, but time to say goodbye! It's been two days without and I don't miss it at all. 

 

As far as symptoms go, I do feel that I'm on an upward trend! My general malaise is improving a bit, I was able to run errands which I definitely couldn't have done two days ago. 

 

There's some fun new stuff though:

When I close my eyes at night it's like a faint strobe light is going off. I also am definitely having a bit of muscle twitching in my legs as I'm trying to fall asleep. Neither are really bothersome though, which is a blessing. 

 

Once I do fall asleep I have very fraught dreams. I imagine this last big drop of Pristiq + cannabis cessation (known to give vivid dreams) + being sick has been the perfect nightmare fuel. I wake up drenched in sweat and heart pounding! 

 

Speaking of sweat, today I had a fun new symptom! On my way to the doctor I noticed I was absolutely dripping with sweat. It lasted for about an hour. As I was getting up from the exam chair I saw a visible sheen where my thighs were. So embarrassing 😂

 

Emotionally I've been taking it in stride these last few days. Of course there are the moments when I feel the crudiest where all I can think is "this sucks" on repeat, but luckily I've retained the ability to let myself feel my feelings and then *move on* when it's done. 

 

Today's bonus emotion seemed to be agitation - at people walking too slow, at the two factor authentication that every website requires, at distracting text messages, and even at my cat for daring meow when I was trying to focus loll

 

I'm dedicated to making the most of tomorrow no matter how I'm feeling. And by that I mean I am committed to doing at least a load of laundry 😹

[Catwoman73]

11 hours ago, watercauliflower said:

As far as symptoms go, I do feel that I'm on an upward trend! My general malaise is improving a bit, I was able to run errands which I definitely couldn't have done two days ago. 

 

This is great!  Enjoy feeling a bit better.  Remember windows and waves though, and don't be alarmed if you go back to feeling worse again at some point in the next days/weeks.  This is how the body heals, and it's a very good sign if you are experiencing those ups and downs. 

 

11 hours ago, watercauliflower said:

There's some fun new stuff though:

When I close my eyes at night it's like a faint strobe light is going off. I also am definitely having a bit of muscle twitching in my legs as I'm trying to fall asleep. Neither are really bothersome though, which is a blessing. 

 

 

I experience this as well- phantom lights and smells!  And the muscle twitching is VERY common around here.  Mine rotates around my body. You never know where it's going to crop up.  Most recently it was facial muscles for me, which was fun lol.  But that faded quickly- fortunately, everything in withdrawal is temporary!

 

Vivid dreams and nightmares are also something I experience on my tapering/withdwawl journey.  And the sweating!  Yes, I get that periodically as well, and I know there are many others here that experience the same thing.  Lately, I can't seem to eat anything without pouring sweat.  So weird.

 

Irritation is easily helped using mindfulness or CBT techniques.  When feeling this way, try to focus on what your senses are telling you- locate 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch/feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.  This is an excellent grounding exercise you can try when feeling angry, irritated, nervous or anxious.  

 

It sounds to me like you've learned the most important lesson on this journey, and that is to take it one day at a time, and don't get too amped up over symptoms.  Approach them with curiosity rather than fear, label them as interesting rather than scary.  That mindset will take you far, and get you through this with much more grace than you would if you were in a panicked state all the time.  Great job!!!

[watercauliflower]

13 hours ago, Catwoman73 said:

 

 Approach them with curiosity rather than fear, label them as interesting rather than scary. 

What an amazing sentence. Curiousity over fear, acceptance over self pity, all one day at a time. Might have to tattoo that somewhere

[watercauliflower]

I wonder if anyone else has this pattern. It seems that the mornings are the worst for me. It's like I need several hours of being awake to recover from sleep. On average I would say I start feeling good like... 6 or seven hours after waking up. 

[LostInCanada]

Cortisol is higher in the morning and can affect anxiety, etc.

Our adrenals have been brutalized by these drugs. It will take the body time to reach homeostasis again. 

Many of us struggle in the morning. 

[Jane318]

5 hours ago, watercauliflower said:

I wonder if anyone else has this pattern. It seems that the mornings are the worst for me. It's like I need several hours of being awake to recover from sleep. On average I would say I start feeling good like... 6 or seven hours after waking up. 

Yes is true for me, too. I often wake in middle of the night and can't get back to sleep for several hours.  Even when I do sleep "well," it is really, really hard to get going in the morning.  I feel so badly when I awake, physically not rested, emotionally not wanting to face another day - I spend an hour or more just trying to go back to sleep before I finally give up and force myself to get up.  Then I grind through the morning routine like a numb and depressed.    Like you, I start to feel better only afternoon / late afternoon.  If I get anything done at all, it is later in the day.  However, this is symptomatic of low thyroid, too.  So you might get that checked, if you haven't already. I am on thyroid meds, but my numbers are still not optimum.  Trying to improve with diet and exercise before I increase that med.  But may have to.

[Magenta]

Hi @watercauliflower I’m also quitting (well I quit) pristiq and just wanted to say I’m thinking of you and hoping it goes as smoothly as possible! 

[watercauliflower]

@Magenta wow just saw you CT 100mg. Can't imagine what you've been through. Will check out your profile and follow. 🙏

[watercauliflower]

11 hours ago, LostInCanada said:

Cortisol is higher in the morning and can affect anxiety, etc.

Our adrenals have been brutalized by these drugs. It will take the body time to reach homeostasis again. 

Many of us struggle in the morning. 

 

 

This makes sense. Even though I'm emotionally okay in the morning, the feeling I can only describe as being generally sick can be overpowering. I'm thinking maybe cortisol combined with dehydration. I've always struggled with drinking enough and I am definitely feeling it lately. 

 

6 hours ago, Jane318 said:

Yes is true for me, too. I often wake in middle of the night and can't get back to sleep for several hours.  Even when I do sleep "well," it is really, really hard to get going in the morning.  I feel so badly when I awake, physically not rested, emotionally not wanting to face another day - I spend an hour or more just trying to go back to sleep before I finally give up and force myself to get up.  Then I grind through the morning routine like a numb and depressed.    Like you, I start to feel better only afternoon / late afternoon.  If I get anything done at all, it is later in the day.  However, this is symptomatic of low thyroid, too.  So you might get that checked, if you haven't already. I am on thyroid meds, but my numbers are still not optimum.  Trying to improve with diet and exercise before I increase that med.  But may have to.

 

Oh wow. This kinda made me realize that I have always really struggled in the mornings. It takes me hours to feel like I'm able to think clearly. Had no idea it could be thyroid. I remember when I was in high school this contributed to a lot of my low mood and was a factor that led me to believe I was depressed in the first place 

 

Wishing you the best on figuring it out. ❤️

[watercauliflower]

Today was a good day. I'm settling into a nice routine these past few days...

 

Consisting of waking up, popping my antibiotics and steroids, gulping down a bottle of Gatorade, then running a back massager over my sinuses because I'm convinced it helps somehow with the dizziness. 

 

Then I mope around for a few hours anywhere I can be laying down, before trying some sort of activity (today was trying to photograph some birds), then having a cry because the activity frustrated me.

 

About an hour after my daily cry fest I snap out of it and feel totally normal. I'm really lucky this timing lines up with my boyfriend getting home from work because it pushes me into happy lovey mode and I can coast on that for the rest of the day! 

 

I guess maybe I'm not totally normal. I find that my reactivity to things is much higher than normal. I've gone from being someone who does not ever comment on social media to a person who has typed out a response and hit send without really noticing. Im laughing and crying with strangers all the time! Luckily I've been able to stop myself from getting into any arguments, which seems to be what social media is made for these days. 

 

I can't help but wonder if this is a part of myself that has been blunted by the medication and it is here to stay, or if im just going through a sensitive patch. Too soon to say. 

 

Sleep is definitely weird. I've been falling asleep around 6am most days, making me wake up late in the day. I think part of it is insomnia and part of it is that i am putting off tomorrow because I know the morning will be not so fun.  I think starting tonight I will put a no phone rule in place after a certain time. Tonight the cut off is 3 am, tomorrow a little earlier. 

 

I'm still not touching the cannabis. I can't remember the last time Ive smoked and I'm really amazed at myself... I've struggled a lot with cravings for it in the past after stopping, but this time it doesn't even cross my mind. Maybe withdrawal brain damage has knocked it out of me for the time being. Whatever it is, I'm happy. I feel much better without it. 

 

Thank you @LostInCanada for your attentiveness since I joined. Definitely don't feel pressure to reply to all my rambling if you can't sometimes. I feel that typing everything out here is surprisingly cathartic to me, but I know it's probably overwhelming to swim through it all!

 

 

[Catwoman73]

Writing is most definitely a therapeutic activity- feel free to ramble all you need to lol!  I tend to ramble a lot here as well.  It's good to get it all out, and this community is super supportive, as you've discovered!

 

8 hours ago, watercauliflower said:

I guess maybe I'm not totally normal. I find that my reactivity to things is much higher than normal. I've gone from being someone who does not ever comment on social media to a person who has typed out a response and hit send without really noticing. Im laughing and crying with strangers all the time! Luckily I've been able to stop myself from getting into any arguments, which seems to be what social media is made for these days. 

 

I can't help but wonder if this is a part of myself that has been blunted by the medication and it is here to stay, or if im just going through a sensitive patch. Too soon to say. 

 

What is normal, anyway lol?  Just be yourself, and you'll figure out who you really are without the drugs over time.  I think that's the most exciting part of this journey- finding our true selves!  

 

Sending you lots of love and healing vibes!  It brings me great joy to see you embracing the journey, and rolling with whatever the day dishes out for you.  That's the best way through this mess! ❤️‍🩹

[watercauliflower]

It's been a few days since I've checked in, so update time!

 

I seem to be doing great now that my sinusitis is under control. I've been pretty busy these last few days doing things I havent been really able to do over these few months of withdrawals, like taking walks, photography, baking, meal prepping. I decided to go back to school and have been working hard on that process too. It doesn't feel like I'm being held back at all by withdrawal at this point. 

 

The only thing I am still dealing with is my impulsive emotions, but if I'm honest this is something I have always needed to be aware of, withdrawal just made it a little more intense. I feel it coming back down to a more normal level every day now. At this point it's almost not even worth mentioning because I really do feel so "normal"

 

I am cognisant that I may have waves in the future, but I'm trying to put that out of my mind for now. When that comes I will treat it like any other illness and take it easy until I feel better. 

 

I can't help but wonder why I seemed to have a less severe reaction and was able to taper relatively fast. Maybe something to do with my age, under 30? Or perhaps I just won the lottery and my brain is more plastic. I hope one day we can understand the effects of antidepressants more. Or perhaps... I hope one day we can stop  prescribing them so much 

 

 

[watercauliflower]

I am going to set a monthly reminder to update here for the next 6 months. Will probably post more frequently, especially if I notice a wave, but the reminders will make sure I keep a consistent record. 

 

If all goes well I will also get off of the Wellbutrin, probably around summer 2025 so that it doesn't interfere with school, and I'll record my experience on the site as well

[LostInCanada]

@watercauliflower please be aware that withdrawal can hit hard 3-6 months after discontinuation when not done slowly. I hope this will not be the case for you. The reason I mention this is to strongly encourage waiting at least 6 months before tapering Wellbutrin. Give your CNS time to heal. ♥️