Gul16: I want healthy myself back

[Gul16]

I’m not sure how to start my story. I will try my best, English is not my first language, I may have a lot of mistakes. 

I started citolopram 2018 after I separated from my partner, it was mild depression. When I think now I would do much better without AD that time but it’s too late to regret.

 I have never been warned about any consequences and withdrawals from my doctor. 
June 2023 after a little surgery I had realised something strange happening to me. I was waking up at night around 1 or 2 am with palpitations, cold sweats and feeling of faint.

Sometimes ones a week or twice this would happen. I started questioning myself and about anaesthesia and meds that I have been taking. I eliminated all meds one by one other than citolopram. Mid December I have realised that cause of my problems was citolopram. I spoke to my doctor about it, he was sure that citolopram wouldn’t give me side effects but I was determined to quit it. My life was perfectly fine, I have 2 children,

I had stable income and lovely people and friends around me, till doctor Cold turkeyd me. I can’t exactly remember mid December to early February I discontinued citoloram.

I was felling fine till Mid April even I went for a holiday and I really enjoyed I was so happy and loving life and people.

My biggest regret that I wasn’t able to recognise withdrawal and relapse when end of April I have spoken to a doctor and said I’m having very mild anxiety. He assured me that I was relapsing and I should go back on medication again. I reinstated citolapram and my life 360 degrees upside down.

I couldn’t tolerate side effects and I admitted myself to a hospital fearing for my life. May 2024 At the hospital they stopped CT citolopram and started mirtazapine, lorezapam and zopiclone. I was at the hospital till mid June but I wasn’t stable, doctors were insisting on taking meds that I would stabilise soon. I would ask my God to end my suffering, I couldn’t sleep, think, eat or care for myself. I was in constant fear. End of June my Family from overseas were insisting on me to go back and get treatment there and be with family. June 18 they bought ticket for me to travel back. No one could recognise me when they saw me, happy confident person had disappeared. July 16 2024 I  discontinued all meds again because none of them had worked. 

Reading success stories is giving me a hope that I will HEAL. 

Symptoms 

insomnia worst one 

anxiety 

depression 

Head pressure 

neck pain 

thrombing headache 

nausea 

Gut issues 

anger 

confusion 

memory issues 

lost interest in doing anything 

constant fear 

Problems with my cycle 

fatigue 

Sweating 

hair loss 

weight loss 

unable to enjoy food or anything in life 

I’m not sure how to continue to battle this and feel hopeful. 
Im getting weaker and tired. 
I need some help and support from people who is been through this.

 

 

Edited October 14, 2024 by Emonda
Name to title

[Emonda]

Welcome @Gul16

 

On 10/12/2024 at 10:48 PM, Gul16 said:

English is not my first language, I may have a lot of mistakes. 

 

English is my only language, and I make heaps of mistakes/typos here 🙃

 

On 10/12/2024 at 10:48 PM, Gul16 said:

I have never been warned about any consequences and withdrawals from my doctor.

 

Most of us are in the same position...we were never warned. We have to accept the position we find ourselves in and move forward.

 

On 10/12/2024 at 10:48 PM, Gul16 said:

till doctor Cold turkeyd me.

 

Oh, dear....bad advice from the doctor!

 

On 10/12/2024 at 10:48 PM, Gul16 said:

My biggest regret that I wasn’t able to recognise withdrawal and relapse when end of April I have spoken to a doctor and said I’m having very mild anxiety. He assured me that I was relapsing and I should go back on medication again.

 

Many doctors fail to distinguish between WD symptoms and a relapse.

 

On 10/12/2024 at 10:48 PM, Gul16 said:

I reinstated citolapram and my life 360 degrees upside down.

I couldn’t tolerate side effects and I admitted myself to a hospital fearing for my life.

 

Can you add some detail to your signature please.

 

It sounds as though you reinstated too high a dose and experienced Kindling

 

 

On 10/12/2024 at 10:48 PM, Gul16 said:

At the hospital they stopped CT citolopram and started mirtazapine, lorezapam and zopiclone.

 

More / different drugs is not the solution to WD symptoms/kindling.

 

 

On 10/12/2024 at 10:48 PM, Gul16 said:

Reading success stories is giving me a hope that I will HEAL. 

 

You most definitely will recover.

 

It takes time and much patience.

 

On 10/12/2024 at 10:48 PM, Gul16 said:

Symptoms 

 

All the symptoms you list sound like WD symptoms: Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

Recovery from an AD CT is not linear. There are good days and not-so-good days/weeks/months. This is referred to as the Windows and waves pattern of stabilization.

Please come back here to ask more questions...there is so much more I could add, but this is a start.

 

Emonda

 

 

[Gul16]

5 hours ago, Emonda said:

Welcome @Gul16

 

 

English is my only language, and I make heaps of mistakes/typos here 🙃

 

 

Most of us are in the same position...we were never warned. We have to accept the position we find ourselves in and move forward.

 

 

Oh, dear....bad advice from the doctor!

 

 

Many doctors fail to distinguish between WD symptoms and a relapse.

 

 

Can you add some detail to your signature please.

 

It sounds as though you reinstated too high a dose and experienced Kindling

 

 

 

More / different drugs is not the solution to WD symptoms/kindling.

 

 

 

You most definitely will recover.

 

It takes time and much patience.

 

 

All the symptoms you list sound like WD symptoms: Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

Recovery from an AD CT is not linear. There are good days and not-so-good days/weeks/months. This is referred to as the Windows and waves pattern of stabilization.

Please come back here to ask more questions...there is so much more I could add, but this is a start.

 

Emonda

 

 

THANK YOU EMONDA FOR YOUR RESPONSE 

I WAS WAITING THAT SOMEONE WOULD ACKNOWLEDGE AND RESPOND 

IM NOT SURE WHAT TO FEEL AND WHAT TO DO 

I DO NOT HAVE ANY PEACE SINCE I REINSTATED MEDICATION 

EVERYDAY IS A CHALLENGE FOR ME TO LIVE 

I WANT TO HEAL. I live with anxiety and fear of losing myself in this journey. I don’t know how to except new me in this world. I’m into 3 rd month of withdrawal and it’s getting worse and harder day by day. I don’t have any rest from symptoms as my worst symptom is insomnia. I don’t sleep day and night. It is making my symptoms worse. I need help and support. I don’t have any trusting doctor. I just have myself, my old mother and God with me. 
 

[Jennings]

I've been where you are now.  It is truly horrible, however I am proof that you can get out of this and live your life again.  

 

I also went on an AD for mild stress and was gaslit into oblivion by these mad scientists.  

 

All of our experiences are unique but also have similarities.

 

I guarantee you will make it.  

[Gul16]

1 hour ago, Jennings said:

I've been where you are now.  It is truly horrible, however I am proof that you can get out of this and live your life again.  

 

I also went on an AD for mild stress and was gaslit into oblivion by these mad scientists.  

 

All of our experiences are unique but also have similarities.

 

I guarantee you will make it.  

Thank you Jennings 

I appreciate your support,

I want make it through and live and be happy again,

I don’t want to be on this meds 

Can I ask how long it took to heal and feel better? 
 

[Gul16]

2 hours ago, Gul16 said:

THANK YOU EMONDA FOR YOUR RESPONSE 

I WAS WAITING THAT SOMEONE WOULD ACKNOWLEDGE AND RESPOND 

IM NOT SURE WHAT TO FEEL AND WHAT TO DO 

I DO NOT HAVE ANY PEACE SINCE I REINSTATED MEDICATION 

EVERYDAY IS A CHALLENGE FOR ME TO LIVE 

I WANT TO HEAL. I live with anxiety and fear of losing myself in this journey. I don’t know how to except new me in this world. I’m into 3 rd month of withdrawal and it’s getting worse and harder day by day. I don’t have any rest from symptoms as my worst symptom is insomnia. I don’t sleep day and night. It is making my symptoms worse. I need help and support. I don’t have any trusting doctor. I just have myself, my old mother and God with me. 
 

I’m not on any medication at the moment.

Only few days ago I started taking a half pill of zopiclone for sleep because I couldn’t handle it anymore.

I have tried melatonin it didn’t help.

Im taking Magnesium glycinate and Omega3 

but not seeing great help.

I quit everything that seems to be unhealthy

I don’t drink coffee no alcohol no sugar.

 

[Emonda]

16 hours ago, Gul16 said:

Only few days ago I started taking a half pill of zopiclone for sleep because I couldn’t handle it anymore.

 

You need to be very careful adding more pills. You can end up creating a bigger problem. Please add what you have taken to your signature.

 

Have a read of some of the success stories. That's what I do when I need some encouragement.

[Jennings]

I ended up getting on Lamotrigine and I felt better after about a year.

 

Now I'm slowly coming off of that with minimal problems.

 

I'll keep going down 10% until I'm off for good.

[Gul16]

7 hours ago, Emonda said:

 

You need to be very careful adding more pills. You can end up creating a bigger problem. Please add what you have taken to your signature.

 

Have a read of some of the success stories. That's what I do when I need some encouragement.

I did not want to add any extra pills but I felt I need some rest and sleep. 
I wasn’t sure what else I could do to help myself. 
Is there anyone else as me who is struggling with severe insomnia? 
I would happily communicate and get more tips.

[Gul16]

4 hours ago, Jennings said:

I ended up getting on Lamotrigine and I felt better after about a year.

 

Now I'm slowly coming off of that with minimal problems.

 

I'll keep going down 10% until I'm off for good.

My prayers are towards your success in this journey and recovery

[LostInCanada]

Please read through this thread for help with insomnia.

 

Please avoid alcohol, caffeine even in chocolate or green tea, refined sugar, msg, sodium nitrates like found in processed deli meats, etc.

Whole foods are best. 20-60 minute gentle walk in nature can be helpful. Be kind, gentle and accepting of yourself. You will heal with time. ♥️🙏 You might want to add a good fish oil with EPA and DHA. Also magnesium bisglycinate is good for most of us. Add one at a time to make sure there is no reaction. These are the only 2 supplements encouraged on this site. 

[Emonda]

16 hours ago, Gul16 said:

Is there anyone else as me who is struggling with severe insomnia?

 

I think most of us struggle with sleep. It is a very common WD symptom.

 

I listen to quiet, calming music while awake in the middle of the night to distract my racing mind.

 

I try not to worry about it. With time, it'll improve.

[Gul16]

Hello Everyone,

Today is 117 days off all meds.

I need your help and advice. I feel like I’m losing the battle, I’m getting wicker day by day. I’m not sleeping, lost a lot of weight, crippled by anxiety, I have numbness, tightness on my neck and back of my head, found out that I developed stomach ulcers that I never had before. Losing My Hope. 
Far away from my family. From fear and anxiety I can’t take a flight back to my family. 
Please I need help 

I did gene test for antidepressants and I received results. All those antidepressants that I have been on were causing me adverse effects. 
I received prescription for Prozac capsule 20 mg  apparently it wouldn’t cause me adverse effects that what my results says,but I’m not sure about it. 

I’m scared, confused and lonely. 
I don’t trust doctors anymore what should I do please help.

Gul 

[Emonda]

Welcome back @Gul16

I've moved your new post here to your own topic.

 

13 minutes ago, Gul16 said:

I feel like I’m losing the battle,

 

How you feel today is not permanent. Things will improve with time and patience.

 

20 minutes ago, Gul16 said:

crippled by anxiety,

Emotional Spirals

Non-drug coping strategies

I find breathing exercises on Spotify helpful when anxiety is problematic.

21 minutes ago, Gul16 said:

’m not sleeping,

Melatonin for sleep

 

13 minutes ago, Gul16 said:

Far away from my family.

 

Do you have friends in AUS that you can talk to face to face? Being on your own should be avoided if possible. Can family come to visit you?

 

15 minutes ago, Gul16 said:

All those antidepressants that I have been on were causing me adverse effects. 

 

That sounds like a good reason not to try those again.

 

16 minutes ago, Gul16 said:

I received prescription for Prozac capsule 20 mg  apparently it wouldn’t cause me adverse effects that what my results says,

 

I can't comment on this.

 

The site can only provide info on tapering ADs, and sometimes reinstating very small amounts of the same AD previously used.

 

16 minutes ago, Gul16 said:

but I’m not sure about it. 

 

17 minutes ago, Gul16 said:

I don’t trust doctors anymore

 

Likewise.

 

Keep fighting, my friend.

 

Emonda

 

[Gul16]

Hello Emonda, 

 

Citolapram and mirtazipine that I previously was on caused adverse reactions and put me to this state, also it showed that on my gene testing that I can’t tolerate them.

I don’t want to be on any meds but I want stabilise myself then taper very very slow. 
My situation back home isn’t stable financially . I have 2 kids to look after, I miss them dearly. Nothing is working out for me.

I thought if I start small dose of Prozac may help with stability so I can taper off more slowly and wisely. 
How can I make liquid from capsules?

Please advise 

[Gul16]

3 hours ago, Emonda said:

3 hours ago, Emonda said:

Melatonin for sleep

I have tried before did not work, I will try again 

 

3 hours ago, Emonda said:

 

[Claudelex]

How are you feeling @Gul16?