graciied: Decade of paxil nightmare

[graciied]

Hope this is ok to put here. 

It may sound scattered because honestly I went through a lot and I think my mind has repressed most of it for me. 

 

I have been on paxil a little over a decade and stopped receiving the benefits after about 2 years.

 

I have attempted to come off several times (once cold turkey and others too fast but I cannot provide exact time lines due to having forgotten big chunks of that time in my life) I experienced constant panic, prolonged dpdr and severe depression as well as agoraphobia - during this time I also tried luvox, prozac, citalopram, moclobemide and Effexor none of which received any symptoms (luvox did help with the obsessive thoughts that dpdr brought but nothing beyond that)  this was all under care of a GP or a psychiatrist (useless)

After a year or so I went back on paxil, symptoms got much worse at first, the most deep intense fear and sadness I've ever felt for the first month or so, i slowly recovered but got PTSD from the experience. 
Have tried to come off by tapering 6 times over the years each time ending the same way with intolerable side effects. 

 

Anywayyyy. I have been on paxil for the most part of a decade. I have been on anywhere from 40mg to my current 10mg and I am so very sick of this drug. I feel a lot of grief over ever being prescribed it as my biggest issues when I was younger was bpd and social anxiety which I really think I just needed some intense therapy for, now because of these meds and the experiences they have caused I struggle with PTSD, severe depression and panic disorder - not mentioning what I deal with when I have tried to come off them. 

 

I also have no libido, I can have an orgasm (sorry if tmi) but it's quite subdued and I just have no desire to ever initiate and as a lesbian in a commited relationship it is sooooo hard, spending my 20s without a sex drive wasn't great either.

 

I've also found paxil has stolen my personality a bit, It could just be aging but up until I started the drug I was an artist, I loved music and played it constantly, I wrote poetry and had a lot of passion - a few years into the drug and I became a shell of my former self, and people noticed. 

 

I'm also fatigued pretty much all of the time, I can literally sleep at any given moment if I have the opportunity and that's a hard way to live. 

 

Anyway, I still want off this med. The last time I attempted to come off it was early this year but I did not taper slowly enough so the withdrawal hit me hard two weeks in and I was crawling out of my skin with intense panic and depression and I was completely dissociated. But for the first week although my anxiety was intense and there was some dissociation I also felt a lot of my old self come back, I can't explain it but she was there again, the passion. I want the opportunity to be myself again. 

 

I am terrified of withdrawal from all my experiences. I know this time I would taper incredibly slowly, over a year or so ideally. But I am still afraid because I don't have the time or space to lose my mind again and if I'm honest I don't think I could make it through that again, it was torture. I have read of people recovering after years once coming off but I really don't think I could survive years of the darkness I experienced before and I don't think my life, job, partner would survive it or that I'd want to risk it. 

I'm also incredibly afraid of one day the drugs just pooping out on me, knowing no other drug relieved me of the dpdr and that I could not live in that state, I don't want to be triggering but I am sure if that were to ever happen to me I'd not stick around for it, I couldn't. 

 

I guess I'm just looking for people to relate to all this, maybe some advice (I already know about 10% tapering and that stuff) I don't know, I know there's not much anyone can do for me but I get so sad sometimes and the prospect this drug has really ***** up my life and no one seems to take it seriously. I feel very alone in it all sometimes. 

 

If you read all this, thank you.

[Erimus]

Hello, and welcome to Surviving Antidepressants. We are a peer support forum to assist in tapering off psychiatric drugs safely, or recovering from psychiatric drug withdrawal.

 

Do you have any more information on when you started agomelatine? If so, please add that to your signature. Click this link to edit your signature: Edit your signature here.

 

On 10/24/2024 at 10:00 AM, graciied said:

I also have no libido, I can have an orgasm (sorry if tmi) but it's quite subdued and I just have no desire to ever initiate and as a lesbian in a commited relationship it is sooooo hard, spending my 20s without a sex drive wasn't great either.

 

I've also found paxil has stolen my personality a bit, It could just be aging but up until I started the drug I was an artist, I loved music and played it constantly, I wrote poetry and had a lot of passion - a few years into the drug and I became a shell of my former self, and people noticed. 

 

I'm also fatigued pretty much all of the time, I can literally sleep at any given moment if I have the opportunity and that's a hard way to live. 

It sounds like you are deep into either adverse effects of the drug, or tachyphylaxis. This is where you start to experience withdrawal symptoms despite keeping the dose the same. It's common after many years on the same drug, and varies in the amount of time it takes to develop for different people.

 

Quote

Most recently was Jan this year at a 2mg a month taper from 10mg and reinstated after 2 weeks.

The reason it went so wrong is because this is far too fast for someone with your history of paxil. Our guidelines suggest no more than 10% of your current dose each month, but for someone in your position I would not even attempt that to begin with. I would advise starting with a reduction of around 0.25mg down to 9.75mg, and then wait a month to see how you feel. If it goes okay you can increase the size of the reduction.

 

Given you are in Australia you have good access to compounding pharmacies which can provide you with custom doses for a reasonable price. This will save you crushing and weighing the tablets or creating your own suspension. You can also ask to be prescribed the liquid instead if you wish.

 

On 10/24/2024 at 10:00 AM, graciied said:

I know this time I would taper incredibly slowly, over a year or so ideally.

I don't mean to frighten you but to get off safely you're talking probably triple that. It's best to get out of your mind the idea that this is a race, it's not, it's a endurance event that requires upmost patience and determination to safely extract the drug from your system.

 

 

 

Here are a few of the most useful links:

 

--------Important topics in the Tapering forum and FAQ--------

 

Micro tapering

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Taking multiple psych drugs? Which drug to taper first?

 

How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules

 

Using a scale to weigh and measure doses

 

--------From the Symptoms and Self-Care Forums--------
 
What is withdrawal syndrome?
 
About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms
 
The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Hypersensitivity and Kindling

 

We only recommend two supplements. Omega 3 Fish Oil and Magnesium. Both should be introduced separately and increased slowly.

 

Regards

Erimus

Edited October 26, 2024 by Erimus

[graciied]

9 hours ago, Erimus said:

It sounds like you are deep into either adverse effects of the drug, or tachyphylaxis. This is where you start to experience withdrawal symptoms despite keeping the dose the same. It's common after many years on the same drug, and varies in the amount of time it takes to develop for different people.

I don't think I experience withdrawal symptoms? I could be wrong though. It's hard to tell too because I have pretty severe PMDD so my emotional stability isn't great. 

 

9 hours ago, Erimus said:

Given you are in Australia you have good access to compounding pharmacies which can provide you with custom doses for a reasonable price. This will save you crushing and weighing the tablets or creating your own suspension. You can also ask to be prescribed the liquid instead if you wish

Thank you for the advice below this too. I'm okay taking years to taper because I know it's my best shot so even if it takes a long time at least I'm actively trying. 

They said there is no liquid form and I haven't been able to find a compounding pharmacy that will do it which is very frustrating but I'm still trying. 

 

 

[Erimus]

9 hours ago, graciied said:

I don't think I experience withdrawal symptoms? I could be wrong though. It's hard to tell too because I have pretty severe PMDD so my emotional stability isn't great. 

It's not just atypical withdrawal symptoms you can experience from tolerance.

 

9 hours ago, graciied said:

Thank you for the advice below this too. I'm okay taking years to taper because I know it's my best shot so even if it takes a long time at least I'm actively trying. 

They said there is no liquid form and I haven't been able to find a compounding pharmacy that will do it which is very frustrating but I'm still trying. 

There might be some useful information in this thread: