Krystallynn: my story

[Krystallynn]

Hi ya’ll. I’m a new member. I didn’t know the risks and hadn’t found the groups until it was too late. I cold turkey quit pristiq 200 mg and lamotrogine 300 mg the end of march 2024. I went 4 months in withdrawal and desperate, tried 5 ketamine infusions that burned what was left of my nervous system to the ground. That was the month of August. Since then I have had severe anxiety and relentless panic attacks. Terrible insomnia. Crying fits have lessened. But I’m now 7 months out and just struggling to keep going. I’ve tried many suggestions I found here and in my other withdrawal groups. Sadly, I can’t say anything has made an improvement. So I hold onto the hope that almost all recover in time. I’m glad to be here, and so beyond grateful for the volunteers and creators of this site. I don’t have anything but encouragement for others though I find encouraging myself nearly impossible. Still learning to navigate this site. God bless ❤️🙏🏻🕊️

[Catwoman73]

Hi @Krystallynn, and welcome to SA!  We are a community of volunteers providing peer support in the tapering of psychiatric medications, and their associated withdrawal syndromes. 

 

Thank you for completing your drug signature.  I'm so very sorry for what you're going through.  You are certainly not alone- none of us knew, and we all trusted our doctors to do no harm.  Yet here we are. 

 

As you have probably already discovered, here at SA, we recommend tapering psychiatric meds at a rate of no more than 10% of your current dose, no more often than every four weeks.  This is known as hyperbolic tapering, and is designed to allow the body to undo all the biochemical and genetic expression changes it has made as a result of the presence of the medications while minimizing withdrawal symptoms.  Most of us have done rapid tapers and cold turkeys in the past- that's why this place exists!

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

You may have also discovered that we do not recommend using any neurologically active substances at all during recovery.  This includes things like caffeine, alcohol, nicotine and recreational drugs, but also things like other psych meds, ketamine and hydroxyzine.  All of these substances can be like pouring gasoline on a fire for your symptoms (as you've discovered), and have the potential to make things significantly worse rather than better.  

 

The good news is that you can and will heal from this.  I can't make any guarantees on the timeline, but you will.  We are all healing, all the time, even when it doesn't feel like it.

 

Are We There Yet? How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take?

 "Is it always going to be like this?"

 

There are a few things you can do to help with your healing.  Most are rather intuitive.  Eat a balanced, whole foods diet to provide the body with what it needs to heal, stay well hydrated, engage in gentle exercise, and rest/sleep as much as you need to.  Pushing yourself is not going to help.  As discussed above, avoid neurologically active substances.  Here at SA, we recommend only two supplements- magnesium and omega-3 fatty acids.  Do be mindful though- it is very common for those in withdrawal to become hypersensitive to all sorts of things, such as medications (even over the counter), supplements, and even foods!  So if you choose to take any supplements at all, even those we recommend, start with a low dose, and increase slowly if you tolerate them.  I am a classic example of hypersensitivity.  Magnesium is supposed to have a calming effect, but all it does for me is give me brain zaps and exacerbate my insomnia!

 

As you heal, you will notice periods where you feel a bit better, and periods where you feel a bit worse.  This is an absolutely normal part of the healing process that we refer to as the windows and waves pattern of stabilization.  Experiencing this pattern is a sign that your nervous system is working on finding homeostasis again- it's a good sign!

 

Windows and waves pattern of stabilization

 

You may benefit from starting a symptom journal at this time.  Track each of your symptoms day to day, rating them on a scale of 1-10 for severity.  This can help you identify your windows and waves (they're not always easy to see in the early days!), and help you see how far you've come over time.  If you track foods, supplements and activities as well, you may be able to identify some things that trigger waves for you, which makes the journey a bit less unpleasant, allowing you to avoid those things as much as possible.  Triggers for me include magnesium (like I said above), coffee (even decaf), chamomile, refined sugar, intense exercise, and STRESS.   You can use this awesome list of typical withdrawal symptoms as a template for a journal, if you wish:

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

Dealing with the emotional and cognitive symptoms of withdrawal can be really tough.  It's important to start working on developing some non-drug coping strategies right away.  These will help you through your withdrawal journey, and will help you cope with life's stressors once withdrawal is behind you!  We have lots of thread here on these topics- I'll link some below.  Speaking from personal experience, I have found that developing a mindfulness practice to be the most helpful thing I've done.  I use guided meditations and yoga Nidra as well to help calm my amped up nervous system and to assist with sleep.  I have had to learn to recognize the thought patterns behind the emotions, challenge those thought patterns, and transform them (CBT is very helpful for this).  Lots of deep breathing here too!  And distraction has been my best friend- engage in activities that are calming for you that have brought you joy in the past.  I love cooking, writing, all sorts of artistic projects.  Comfort rituals, like curling up with a warm blanket, a cup of herbal tea (with no chamomile lol), and watching a rom-com on Netflix get me through the rough days.  So you can fight this!  None of this stuff works right away, but if you persist, eventually your brain will learn to react with more calm when you start to feel activated. 

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

"Change the channel" - dealing with cognitive symptoms

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

The importance of recognizing you're feeling good

 Progress! What withdrawal symptoms have gone away for you?

 

Almost everyone here deals with sleep issues at some point in their journey.  Here are a couple more links specific to sleep.  Yoga Nidra recordings have been super helpful for me!

 

Tips to help sleep: so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

 Path to Better Sleep FREE online for everyone from the US Veterans Administration

Melatonin for sleep (Note the VERY low effective doses- more is not better!)

 

In summary, you will heal.  You really will.  Don't lose hope!  Take charge of what you can by implementing the above suggestions, and treat getting well like a job.  Because it really is!  Really good self care is the path.  You are stronger than you know, and one day, you'll get through this.  And we will all be better people for it!

 

This is your introduction topic.  Each member gets one intro topic- please post updates and ask questions here, on this thread.  But do explore the rest of the forum- there's tons of good info here!  And I always recommend to every new member to read and comment on the intro threads of other members.  This will help you build a community of people who truly understand what you are experiencing, making what can be a very lonely journey a little more bearable.  

 

I look forward to following your journey, and helping in any way I can along the way! ❤️‍🩹

 

 

[Krystallynn]

I’m just so in awe and so grateful this place exists. I know a bit about the history of how this website came to be, and I know without a doubt it has literally been a safe haven for people who are suffering the worst moments, weeks, months, years of their lives. It does feel so impossible to heal. But because others have, I have hope. I cannot stress enough my gratitude for the founders and moderators of this group. 
 

Please forgive my ignorance on how to navigate the site. I will always be trying to follow the rules. I struggle to figure things out here, but will keep trying. Maybe it’s easier in a laptop than phone. I guess my only hope is someday I can be involved in advocating for better care, informed consent, and even in laws being changed to protect the people, not the drug and its pushers. 
 

I have lost so much in my life. In 2020 my 3 and a half year old died in the hospital after weeks of crashing in front of me. I somehow got through that thinking ok I’ll dedicate my life to advocating. I was so successful as a Guardian as Litem for CPS and Juvenile Justice courts. I then had to quit due to my mother getting cancer. That year of caregiving was hard. And my meds had stopped working on the max dose. Like many… when I figured out all the new health problems I had were actually side effects I was furious. In protest I said forget you, I’ll just quit taking it. I’d come off every other drug no problem. I didn’t realize what I was on was two of the most difficult to get off of psych meds. All of them are bad, but these two combined I now know are brutal. I can’t work. I can’t do much but try to stay calm. I’m just grateful I’m not alone, I feel alone, but I can come here and someone will listen. Thanks everyone for listening to my wind bag story. ❤️

[Catwoman73]

This site is definitely easier to navigate on a laptop!  

 

I'm so sorry for the loss of your child.  I can't even imagine that kind of pain.  Grief is so incredibly life altering, I'm in awe of your strength, getting through all of this psych drug crap while dealing with that, too.  Hugs!🤗

 

I can't work either- I have been on disability for 2+ years due to long covid.  I have a gut feeling that I was susceptible to long covid because of my long term use of these drugs, which is infuriating.  I figured now was a good time to start tapering, since I could suffer withdrawal without having to worry about working.  But withdrawal and long covid symptoms are incredibly similar, and that makes the journey complicated lol.  Trying to just roll with the punches, and hoping for the best!

 

You are correct- at this point, you can't do much but work on keeping your nervous system calm.  It's a full time job when you are as destabilized as you are!  And that's ok- it sounds to me like you've spent much of your life advocating for and caring for others- now it's your time.  Take care of you, and watch the healing happen!

[Krystallynn]

Oh goodness yes I have read some of your story and I bet that has been very difficult to navigate long Covid and this! I’ll put you in my prayer book! I feel encouraged. I’m glad I signed up for an account ❤️😭

[Krystallynn]

Ok so I’m still learning. Do I just always hit reply to this topic on this post to ask questions or post updates?