Longtimesunshine- Did Zoloft ruin my life?

[Longtimesunshine]

Hello! 

I'm usually very private, and do not post on any other forums, but I've been lurking here for much of 2024 and it seems like a safe place to share my story. Thank you in advance to all mods, and users who chime in! 

 

My story begins in 2020 when I was 32 years old 8 months pregnant with my first child, and the world shut down due to covid. The fear and loneliness, paired with postpartum hormones that led to postpartum anxiety, depression, and anxiety attacks. My doctor prescribed 50mg of Zoloft. Prior to this, I was very type A personality, but did not have a history of depression, or anxiety.

 

 In November 2020, I did a quick taper 50 to 25mg, then 25mg to zero over the course of a month. The reason I decided to get off was because I found out I was pregnant again and didn’t want to be on Zoloft. Not sure if I had withdrawal symptoms because I had terrible morning sickness. In hindsight withdrawal symptoms can be similar to morning sickness, so I could have been experiencing symptoms without realizing. The morning sickness resolved about 4-5 months into my pregnancy and I felt like my old self again.

 

Leading up to my child's birth, I was afraid I'd experience postpartum anxiety again, and my doctor recommended I go back on Zoloft as a preventative measure. In July 2021, I was back on 50mg. I now believe this may have been one of the biggest mistakes of my life. 

 

Tried getting off in May 2022 using a similar quick taper method as before (50mg to 25mg to a quarter of a pill to zero) with catastrophic results. Had major withdrawal symptoms and was advised by my doctor to “push through it.” I finally did get down to zero after experiencing brain zaps, confusion, headaches, nausea, increased anxiety etc. 

 

About a month later (July- August 2022) I ended up on 75mg of Zoloft due to debilitating “return of symptoms”. All choices I made so far in this journey were made at the recommendation of my doctors. In May 2024, I realized I was a walking zombie - no real emotions, never cried, never laughed, and no personality. I decided I wanted to see if I could taper off Zoloft again. I attempted to get a slower taper schedule from my doctor, but she gave me the same exact schedule as before! I started to do independent research, and developed my own plan. 

 

This is what ended up happening:

Started taper May 25 2024 from 75mg to 62mg

June 7th 50mg

June 22th 38/50mg every other day

Realized the every other day thing was bad

June 25th 38mg

July 3rd 25mg

July 25th started liquid 14mg

August 18th 8mg

September 14th 4mg

September 28th 2mg

Last dose - October 13th

 

At the start of my 2024 taper attempt, I experienced headaches, nausea, diarrhea, confusion and brain fog. I waited until those symptoms stopped before lowering my dose each time.

 

At around 38-25mg the withdrawal symptoms became much easier to manage with each reduction. I started to feel like myself again… I was waking up early to go to the gym, taking daily walks, meal prepping. It was amazing! Music sounded better, I liked my husband again (haha), I felt deeper connections with friends/family.

 

Around September 14th is when I stopped going to the gym again because I started having trouble waking up in the morning, and just felt exhausted. I also started to feel overwhelmed easily around this time. I thought it was because my kids had just started preschool and the new schedule was throwing me off. In hindsight, I needed to slow down my taper. Unfortunately I kept going with the taper until I reached 0 on October 13th. 

 

I didn’t even realize my anxiety symptoms had been ramping up. About a week or two ago I started developing sleep difficulties. Waking up having anxiety attacks (3-4 times within the last two weeks), tremors, sensitivity to noise, heart racing, ringing in head. A few days ago, I realized that I feel just as bad as I did when I was advised to go up to 75mg in 2022.

 

Now I'm not sure what to do. I took 5mg today in hopes that a tiny reinstatement would help...I no longer feel like I can trust my doctor, because they have previously told me they'd never seen someone have such strong adverse effects before. How can that even be true?

 

SO now I'm 37, and in a much worse place than I was when I even started in 2020! Right now I'm fearful that I'll be stuck in this cycle forever. Anyone have any advice?

 

Edited November 9, 2024 by Catwoman73
Name to title

[Catwoman73]

Hello @Longtimesunshine, and welcome to SA!  We are a community of volunteers providing peer support in the tapering of psychiatric medications and their associated withdrawal syndromes. 

 

I'm so sorry for what you have been going through.  Your story is not a unique one sadly.  A few things strike me here- first, it's very common to come off of antidepressants once with few difficulties, but have great difficulties getting off of them with subsequent attempts.  Secondly, your doctor is clueless, just like almost everyone's doctor here!  We recommend tapering by no more than 10% of your CURRENT dose no more often than every four weeks for a reason- the nervous system is notoriously slow to adapt, and this schedule gives the nervous system time to undo all the biochemical and genetic changes it has made as a result of the presence of the drug.  This schedule does a fine job of minimizing withdrawal symptoms for most people, but some have to go even slower. Third, your symptoms are all very typical... I know that doesn't make them go away, but it does help to feel less alone!  And finally, it sounds like you had what we refer to as a 'window' during your recent taper- it is normal to have periods where you feel better while tapering and while in withdrawal, and periods where you feel worse.  We refer to this as the windows and waves pattern of stabilization.  More reading here:

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

Windows and waves pattern of stabilization

 

You are in a good window to attempt reinstatement- it is typically best done ASAP after stopping the drug, and is less likely to be successful if done after several months.  I think you may want to try a lower dose though.  There is some risk of developing a hypersensitivity reaction when reinstating too high- more is not always better, and sometimes, as little as 1mg can be enough to take the edge off.  You're better to start lower, and increase slightly every couple of weeks if the lower dose is not effective.  This minimizes the risk of hypersensitivity. Regardless of what dose you end up on, I would very strongly recommend a hyperbolic taper next time, as discussed above.  You may find you need to make even smaller cuts- and that's ok!  I drop 5% every six weeks, and I am quite functional during my taper!

 

About Reinstating and Stabilizing to Reduce Withdrawal Symptoms

 How long does it take to stabilize after reinstating or updosing?

 Hypersensitivity and kindling

 

The good news is that you have not ruined your life with Zoloft.  You are encountering a good speed bump at the moment, but you will heal.  We are all healing, all the time, even when we don't feel like we are.  It takes patience and time though!

 

Are We There Yet? How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take?

 "Is it always going to be like this?"

 

There are a handful of things you can do to help your nervous system heal.  Most are rather intuitive, but bear repeating anyway.  Eat a balanced, whole foods diet, stay well hydrated, engage in gentle exercise (don't worry about the gym for now- a walk is much better in this state!), and get adequate rest/sleep.  Avoid all neurologically active substances, such as caffeine, alcohol, nicotine and recreational drugs- these things are like pouring gasoline on a fire for your symptoms, and can make you feel worse.  And avoid trying any other psychiatric medications to cope with the withdrawal symptoms from psych meds.  The effects of these meds are NOT predictable when in withdrawal and can make you so much worse.  We only recommend two supplements here at SA- magnesium and omega-3 fatty acids.  Do be mindful though, it is quite common for those in withdrawal to become hypersensitive to all sorts of things- medications, supplements and even foods!  So if you start any supplement, even those we recommend, start with a very low dose to see how you fare.  You can increase slowly over time if tolerated.  I am a classic example of hypersensitivity- I can't take magnesium at all.  It's supposed to be calming, but gives me brain zaps and insomnia!

 

You would likely benefit from starting a symptom journal at this time.  Keep track of each of your symptoms every day, rating them on a scale of 1-10 for severity.  This allows you to track your windows and waves, and see how far you've come over time.  Also, if you track your foods, activities and supplements as well, you may identify a handful of things that are making your symptoms worse!  By tracking these things, I've identified that I am very sensitive to coffee (even decaf), chamomile, refined sugar, intense exercise, and magnesium.  Discovering this and avoiding these items has made my journey much more bearable.  You can use this list of typical withdrawal symptoms as a template for a journal if you wish:

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

In terms of dealing with emotional and cognitive symptoms, I find this to be the most challenging part of the journey.  It's important to work on some non-drug strategies to cope as early as possible.  We have lots of threads on this stuff here- I'll link some below.  For me, I have developed a very helpful daily mindfulness practice that helps keep my nervous system from feeling like someone set it on fire.  Guided mediations and yoga Nidra are super helpful for sleep and relaxation.  CBT techniques are great for learning to recognize the negative thought patterns behind the emotional upheaval, and to challenge and transform those thought patterns.  Deep breathing really does help too!  And distraction is definitely necessary- stay busy with things you love.  I take great comfort in cooking, writing, and engaging in all sorts of artistic projects. 

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

"Change the channel" - dealing with cognitive symptoms

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

The importance of recognizing you're feeling good

 

In summary, you will heal. Absolutely. I can say that with certainty.  I can't tell you when, though- it usually takes some time, so be patient!  Excellent physical, mental and emotional self care, as described above, definitely helps the process along.  It's very important to pay attention to the signals your body is sending you, and act accordingly.  Ignoring symptoms and not giving your brain and body time to heal can make things worse and worse over time. You may wish to consider a lower reinstatement dose, and slowly increase the dose every couple of weeks if a low dose does not ease your symptoms.  5mg is still a lot!

 

This is your introduction topic- each member gets one intro topic, so please post any updates or questions here, on this thread.  But don't hesitate to explore the rest of the forum- there's lots of good info here!  And I always encourage new members to read and comment on the intro threads of other active members, as it really does help you feel less alone when you create a community of people who truly understand what you are going through. 

 

I look forward to following your journey, and helping in any way I can!❤️‍🩹

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Longtimesunshine]

Hello! 

 

First I want to say thank you so much to @Catwoman73 for the in depth reply, and all of the great information. When I posted my story, I was at one of the lowest points I've ever experienced in my life, and your reply gave me hope. 

 

Now onto the update! 

One of my best friends is a pediatrician, who also has a masters in psychology, so I ended up reaching out to her for some guidance. She took a look at my taper schedule, and thought a good place for me to reinstate would be 12.5mg, so I gave that a try. Almost immediately my sleep improved, and within about five days of being on that dose, my symptoms were significantly reduced. Now at almost a month, I feel almost like myself again! The symptoms that lasted the longest were the loss of appetite, and the existential dread. The racing thoughts went away pretty quickly, but for a few weeks I found myself spiraling every once in a while about random big picture fears (my parents are getting older, my kids are growing up too fast, no one will come to my funeral etc)

 

On 11/11, I reached out to my insurance company seeking referrals for a psychiatrist to help me, but I quickly realized that would not be the best course of action. I have 3 and 4.5 year old kids, and I dont want to be stuck in this situation without some real guidance. On 11/13, I reached out to Dr. Jennifer Giordano at True You Psychiatry and Wellness for a 15 minute intro call and she was able to squeeze me in on 11/14 since there were no other times prior to the Thanksgiving holiday, and I was in deep crisis mode. I will be forever grateful for that. The call went great, so I went ahead and booked the 75 minute initial intake appointment. 

 

We were able to connect on 11/19, and by then I was already feeling about 80% better on the 12.5mg dose. She basically confirmed everything that I've already researched, and read here at SA. She advised that 12.5mg was probably where she would have recommended to reinstate and was really impressed with my friend's advice. The fact that my symptoms improved so rapidly is clear evidence that I have a psychological dependence on the medication, and the original illness is no longer present. By the time I had my appointment, I had already started meditating nightly, and after the appointment I started taking daily light 20-30 minute walks. Since I didnt have an appetite at the time, she advised that I should just eat whatever I wanted to to make sure I got some form of nutrition in. We'll talk about food at our next appointment :-)

 

Dr. G advised that we will stay at 12.5mg for 8-12 weeks to make sure I'm stable and we'll meet once a month to check in. Once stable I will reduce by 5% and if that goes well my next reduction will be 6%. From there, who knows! I'm feeling extremely hopeful and thankful to have found SA, and Dr. G. 

 

Please let me know if there are any questions, and I'd be happy to share.