PandaLoaf: A lifetime of debilitating anxiety but only seeking help late into my twenties - Sertraline

[PandaLoaf]

Hi everyone,

 

So I have had anxiety my entire life. At a young age, potentially as young as 13, I already knew the word anxiety and was googling about personalization. I never looked for help, instead not knowing any better and finding my own coping mechanisms. Some of which not being the healthiest like alcohol. Only recently have I began looking for help as it is severely affecting my day-to-day. Anyway the result was being prescribed sertraline, starting at 25mg - at first it was fine. I was sleeping deeper, dreaming when I didn't before, otherwise however my appetite was somewhat suppressed and I had this jaw clenching issue.

 

Fast forward 4 weeks and a few days before moving house, I have just a couple of drinks at night - the next few days were hellish. The anxiety shot through me from nowhere the next day in a cafe, suicidally depressed, completely unable to eat, very emotional and anxious. I had to rope in a friend to help move me and I absolutely forced myself through it. The next week after the move was spent barely functioning. Eventually I moved to 50mg sertraline and 40mg propranolol after calling the GP telling them about everything.

The first day on 50mg was actually very good, but from there onwards it was more of the same except more extreme, with more stomach issues and severe dizziness. I had to actually leave my wife alone to stay with my mum who would force me to eat for a few days. Completely unable to get out of bed and off work for 2 weeks, I got consent from the doctor to move back down to 25mg and she suggested I completely stop taking the pill after 7 days of 25mg. I knew this was too fast. I was off work for a further 2 weeks here.

 

I am currently tapering off in a less than efficient fashion as I have limited pills and no real way to measure them, but I just can't bear to take these things. I don't know what is me or this pill anymore. Food is my enemy. I'm finding all sorts of ways to distract myself from thinking about anything, but eating about 1k calories a day I don't have the energy. I feel so delicate all the time, like my nervous system is on edge.

 

On a side note the propranolol is definitely helpful. My wife has taken fluoxetine on and off and never had a single side effect.

[Jane318]

Greetings @PandaLoaf, and welcome to SA!  We are a community of volunteers providing peer support in the tapering of psychiatric medications and their associated withdrawal syndromes. 

 

Thank you for completing your drug signature.

 

I am sorry for all you have suffered up to and including your recent experience with sertraline.  It sounds like you had a severe adverse reaction to this powerful drug - others on this site have reported similar experiences.  And the alcohol apparently further inflamed your already[-sensitized central nervous system, again, often reported here.  Given your severe reaction to this drug and that you have been on it such a short period of time, it is wise to get off it as quickly as you can.  Your brain / CNS has not had much time to adapt to the presence of the drug, so you are in a much better position than those of us who have taken these powerful drugs for years or decades.  Your priority need is to recover from the adverse effects due to sertraline and alcohol.  So do your best to use up your existing pills in a gradual manner, but do not fear that this will be faster than the tapering method we recommend for those who have been on the drugs long enough for our brains to become dependent.  

 

Please be encouraged - You will heal from this - our amazing bodies are designed to heal.  Your CNS has been shocked however and it will take time, perhaps months to fully recover.  But you will.  

 

There are a few things you can do to help your nervous system heal.  Eat a balanced, whole foods diet, stay well hydrated, engage in gentle exercise, and get adequate rest/sleep.  Avoid all neurologically active substances, like caffeine, alcohol, nicotine and recreational drugs- these are like pouring gasoline on a fire for your symptoms.  Avoid adding any further psychiatric medications to deal with your withdrawal from psych meds- the effects of these meds on a destabilized nervous system is unpredictable, and taking something else could make you worse.

 

We recommend only two supplements here at SA, magnesium and omega-3 fatty acids.  

 

As you heal, it is very normal to have periods where you feel better, and periods where you feel terrible.  This is what we call the windows and waves pattern of stabilization.  This is actually a good sign of healing!  Read more about windows and waves here:   The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

The important thing is to trust your body, that it knows how to heal and never give up Trust Your Body: Learning to Heal

 

You may want to keep tabs on your symptoms - This will help you identify your windows and waves and reveal your progress, which is encouragement we need!  You can use the following list of typical withdrawal symptoms as a template for a journal, if you wish:  Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

In terms of coping with symptoms, we have many, many threads on this subject here at SA- I will link some of them below.  It is extremely important that you start working on some non-drug coping mechanisms early in your journey, in order to maximize your chances of getting off of these drugs and staying off of them for good!  If you work on finding some good techniques early in your journey, you will be well-prepared to use them when things get tough, at lower doses. 

Apathy, anhedonia, emotional numbness, emotional anesthesia 

 Derealization or Depersonalization

 Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

"Change the channel" - dealing with cognitive symptoms

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

Symptoms and self-care

Getting Started With Mindfulness

 

Sertraline, fluoxetine, and other ADs are very powerful drugs.  They are very difficult for many people to get off of, once the body has adapted to their presence.  For numerous reasons, SA does not support the use of any drugs to deal with emotional / psychological concerns.  Although they can provide temporary relief, there are side effects, and research shows that long-term outcomes of those who take ADs are worse than those who do not.  

 

I am glad the Propranolol is helping.  You may want to read the following thread about other SA users experience:  Beta Blockers: Propranolol, Metopropol, Atenolol etc.

 

This is your introduction topic -- the place for you to ask questions, record symptoms, share your progress, and connect with other members of the SA community.  I hope you’ll find the information in the SA forums helpful for your situation.  I'm sorry that you are in the position that you need the information, but I am glad that you found us.

 

I look forward to following your journey, and helping out in any way I can.  Please keep us posted and best wishes.

[PandaLoaf]

Thanks for the welcome and thorough response @Jane318

 

I've now stopped the sertraline and so far my appetite has returned and I am generally happier. I'm not sure if this is a withdrawal effect, but I believe it is - I feel increasingly "fluey" throughout each day, with it resetting after I wake up and increasing from midday onwards. It's the same kind of hot/heavy/disoriented feeling in my head I'd associate with a flu and it began the day after my first "missed" dose. I can manage but it isn't pleasant. I've also had mildly bad dreams.

 

Overall doing better but will continue monitoring myself. I find what you say about having a sensitized nervous system interesting. In the past when I've had severe panic episodes, lasting hours or days without ADs involved, it feel as if I'm more susceptible to them and related issues for weeks or months afterwards. I don't see how adding ADs to a system already in panic will help, considering the amount of time it takes to adapt.

 

I think doctors are severely understating the effects and power of ADs from my fairly short experience with them.

[Jane318]

7 hours ago, PandaLoaf said:

I've now stopped the sertraline and so far my appetite has returned and I am generally happier.

Great news!  

 

7 hours ago, PandaLoaf said:

I'm not sure if this is a withdrawal effect, but I believe it is - I feel increasingly "fluey" throughout each day, with it resetting after I wake up and increasing from midday onwards. It's the same kind of hot/heavy/disoriented feeling in my head I'd associate with a flu and it began the day after my first "missed" dose. I can manage but it isn't pleasant. I've also had mildly bad dreams.

Likely withdrawal symptoms.  You will find them (or similar) included in  Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF).  Not pleasant for sure, but they are temporary.

 

7 hours ago, PandaLoaf said:

Overall doing better but will continue monitoring myself. I find what you say about having a sensitized nervous system interesting. In the past when I've had severe panic episodes, lasting hours or days without ADs involved, it feel as if I'm more susceptible to them and related issues for weeks or months afterwards. I don't see how adding ADs to a system already in panic will help, considering the amount of time it takes to adapt.

ADs and other drugs can provide temporary relief, but in the long run, do not.  In "Anatomy of an Epidemic" by Robert Whitaker, he lays out the evidence that the long term outcomes of people who do not take drugs are better than those who do.  We all need to develop the ability to deal with our problems, whether it is anxiety or depression or whatever - without drugs.  Drugs may numb us / calm us for a while, but in my experience, this actually interferes with one's ability to learn and grow.  Not to mention the side effects...  So I am glad you are not considering adding another AD at this point.

 

7 hours ago, PandaLoaf said:

I think doctors are severely understating the effects and power of ADs from my fairly short experience with them.

Myself and many others agree!

 

Hang in there - you may well have some difficult days before you are through this.  It's the nature of withdrawal.  But you would heal.

 

Keep us posted and be sure to let us know if you have further questions. 

[PandaLoaf]

Updating my thread as its been a long time. I'm completely off the sertraline now however I'm still far from feeling good. I have daily anxiety and a general constant depression.

 

I have no desires or motivation and am only really going along with what I have to. My wife wants to go all these places and do lots of things as she is somewhat coming out of a long depression and she has a great job after a year of searching and I just have no desire to do any of it and struggle with it all. We're living at her parents currently and are at the start of moving out back into our own place and that scares me a lot. Food is it at the center of things as anxiety and depression remove my apetite and make me feel awful which then of course gets worse from not eating.

Life is debilitating - I truly wish I could lock myself away and have nothing to worry about. I am playing lots of video games as a distraction. Any thoughts of having to do anything causes anxiety. Getting out of bed is nearly impossible. Night is the best time as I have nothing I have to do, but also the worst as I worry about what's ahead.

 

I've no idea if this is still withdrawal or what. There is surely something wrong with me. I definitely did have real withdrawal effects but at least I knew they would end, internal tremors + strong flu symptoms that did actually become an actual flu. My chest still hurts sometimes. I've stopped dreaming since stopping sertraline. I've also stopped drinking any caffeine as of a good few months ago as that caused a horrid attack when I was still on the drug which took a week to stabilize from at all.

 

Sorry this is a bit rambling. If anyone wishes to respond please do..